Movies Scarier Than Valentine’s Day Itself

What's grosser: PDA or dismembered limbs?

Now that January has come to a close, the 14th of February is slowly creeping up to bite us in the ass. To be completely honest, celebrating Valentine’s Day is overrated. I mean, if you love someone shouldn’t you show them that you do all 365 days in the fucking year? In reality, this day is a reminder for a lot of us – not that we are loved and appreciated, instead a reminder that we’re single and lonely AF. So, while most couples will be watching rom coms and feeding each other chocolates, gather your single friends and let’s vow to make V-Day a day of horror and oddities (which, let’s face it, are a lot less scary than reflecting on your lacking love life would be). Here are some movies that will kill the love bug of February.  

Orphan (2009) 

A husband and wife who recently lost their baby decide to adopt a 9-year-old little girl. Biggest plot twist? She’s really a 33-year-old woman who wants to shack up with the husband. Oh, did we mention that she also has a past of murdering people? Needless to say, this movie will make you appreciate your single status, because that sophomore your friend is dating could really be a 55-year-old serial killer. You dodged a bullet on that one.  

Stay Alive (2006) 

A group of friends play a video game, but what’s different about this one is that however your avatar dies in the game, you follow suit and die the same way in real life. Talk about sketchy. Wouldn’t it be great if we could gather all our exes and make them play this game? Morbid? YES, but don’t even deny it…we’ve all definitely thought about it.  

Silence of the Lambs (1991)  

Hello Clarice (sorry had to say it). Super smart psychiatrist, Dr. Hannibal Lecter will woo you with his brilliance and appreciation for the arts, but then probably eat your face off. With all things Lecter aside, this one made the list because it’s just so odd. We have Buffalo Bill lotioning up women to wear their skin, his barking dog Precious, and night vision goggles???  

Saw Franchise  

This one makes the list purely for the guts and gore. The best way to get over the fact that your single is to watch some violent shit. The Saw movies are like a fucked up game show, but instead of Alex Trebek, we’re given Billy the puppet. The scenes in these films are as horrific as they get — if the blood and violence don’t distract you from the fact that nobody loves you on Valentine’s day, then nothing will.  

Kassidy Cooper
About Kassidy Cooper (11 Articles)
Kassidy Cooper is a junior television, radio, and film major who talks too fast and doesn’t really have a filter. When she’s not writing for Jerk you most likely can find her binge watching TV shows, fleeking her makeup, or waitressing at Coleman’s.

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