The Sad Boi Intrigue

It’s the age old tale that we’re all too familiar with. It’s why our society is blessed with Timothée Chalamet, why everyone wants to give Zayn Malik a hug, and why girls pee their pants when someone mentions Cole Sprouse. We love sad boys.

Of course, we always say that we just want a smiley, happy, go-lucky kind of guy to just treat us well, but do we really? Because it seems to us that whenever a boy with dark hair, loose fitting clothing, and a borderline sickly disposition enters the room, they are 1000000% more attractive.

But why do we put ourselves through this torture? We know that in the long run these emo boys will drag us into a pit of sadness and despair, so why do we take part in these pointless pursuits? Luckily for you, we’ve broken it down into three main reasons:  

1. They are ~in touch with their emotions~

That frat boy that you met at the darty last weekend sure seems nice, but is he really down to have an intense talk about feelings? Most likely not. A lot of girls want the sad boys because they are able to give us something that most boys are physically incapable of: human emotion. They listen to sad boy songs while playing their sad boy guitar and write sad boy poetry and give you sad boy rants about how sad they are-- a dream come true!!

2. Fixing things/people is fun!

For some reason, a lot of boys tend to think that a woman giving their opinion on even the simplest of matters is equivalent to Satan spitting on a baby. But emo boys are different. They want, no, need you to fix them. And being needed feels so good! Why do you think Blair was so obsessed with Chuck in Gossip Girl? He needed her to help him with his inner darkness, or something like that. Why does Betty want Jughead so badly? In case you haven’t noticed, he’s a weirdo-- have you ever even seen him without his stupid hat? Sure it’s exhausting and soul crushing and a little impossible, but WHO CARES?

3. You probably haven’t heard this song before, it’s pretty underground

Emo boys generally use their sad and deep taste in music as a way to woo unsuspecting fools by saying things like ~this reminds me of you~. 99.999999999% of the time it’s a Mac DeMarco song, in case you were wondering.

Although you always seem to fall into the same trap of wanting those pesky emo boys, it’s not your fault! According to a study at the University of British Columbia in Canada, women prefer men who look more gloomy and who don’t smile as much. So don’t blame yourself, it’s science. Curse you evolution, but what can you do?