By Lauryn Botterman
Some cultural staples will never go out of style: the little black dress, reruns of “Friends,” a good cup of coffee…
Other trends, on the other hand, seriously make me worried for the well being of our generation. I propose that we reevaluate a few of our recent obsessions. Let’s cut the bullshit and carve a legacy we can be proud of when we fade into the irrelevance of adulthood. Here are just a few suggestions for trends that need the boot, ASAP.
This year the average American spent 57 percent of his life waiting for the bass to drop. Sad, yet true. Dubstep was fun for a hot minute—but now it’s time to move on. Let’s all take a break from aggressively grinding to realize that remixing popular songs with trippy artificial tones added does not always equal good. There’s a reason Avicii sounds exponentially better when you’re intoxicated. We’ll be better off when we turn the volume down on the Dubstep phenomenon. Appreciate the fleeting joy it brought us, and let it go. Please.
Drake was right when he said that you only live once, but I’m sure he didn’t consider the antics that one song lyric would spawn. He has inadvertently managed to incite a whole new level of stupidity among today’s youth. YOLO is like a knockoff version of “carpe diem,” except infinitely more obnoxious. It’s time to banish this slogan and resume living with some sense of class and responsibility for our actions. The only acceptable usages of the term are in deliberately ironic or sarcastic contexts. It does not suffice as a legitimate excuse for your reckless, dumb, or offensive behavior.
Excessive Tweeting/Status Updating
Social media is both a blessing and a curse. You can stalk your friends, crushes, and even celebrities to your heart’s content. But you also have to sift through endless masses of idiocy every time you log on. The things people choose to publicize are truly baffling. I could give two shits that you’re about to take a #nap. And did you really just upload an Instagramed picture of your smoothie? Remind me why I should care. More importantly, how the hell did it get 14 likes? This is not your diary; this is a platform for sharing relevant or reasonably amusing information. I’m often torn between being simultaneously annoyed and entertained by the sheer absurdity of certain people’s posts. But when it comes down to it, if your tweets or status updates are not up to par, you risk being cut from my networks. #sorrynotsorry.
Really boys, just pull your pants up. You might enjoy the sight of girls’ asses in yoga pants, but I can assure you that the sight of your behind in a pair of plaid boxers is not a turn on. Get a belt, suspenders, or pants that actually fit you—whatever you need to do to keep your derriere fully covered at all times. Sorry to ruin the “Thug Life” look you’re trying to channel, but this is for your own benefit.
The Duck Face
Not sure how or why squinting your eyes shut and pouting your lips in a bizarre duck-like fashion suddenly became considered an attractive pose for pictures. Who actually makes that face in real life? This unfortunate trend may rival the awkwardly angled MySpace bathroom mirror pic craze circa 2006. Girls, whatever it is you think you’re doing in those photos, it’s neither cute nor classy. Cut it out.