As another semester comes to pass, you might be stressing less about your nutrition final and more about the status of your sex life over the summer. For many, summer means heading to nothing but a hometown full of exes, exes’ friends, and all the random high school hook-ups you shared with your friends. Sounds like a land bare of banging, to me. Have no fear because I have compiled a bucket list of sorts to keep you in tip-top sexual shape until you head back to your regular raunchy ways on campus in the fall.
1. Find the perfect summer sex spot.
Unless you have Regina George’s parents, it’s unlikely that your folks will be down with you getting down at all hours of the night (or day) in the bedroom they used to change your diapers in. This is of the utmost importance. Whether it be your car or a cheap motel that doesn’t have STDs crawling in the sheets, you need a designated place of pleasure.
2. Find a fuck buddy.
I don’t know how small your hometown is, but hopefully there is some sort of bar or club scene that might hold your potential summer sex partner. Grab some friends and head out on the prowl for a potential summer hook up. It’s nice to have some consistency and it’s even nicer to have someone to satisfy you when you’re not out fulfilling the rest of this list. Besides, you’re going to need the practice finding hook ups for when you’re back in the frats.
3. Turn nostalgia nasty.
No matter where you’re from, you, in all likelihood, know your city or town from top to bottom. So, you know those few special spots that hold your dearest memories of the place you were born and raised. Pick your favorite one and turn memories to moans. High school football field? Old hilltop looking over the city? The place you found out your ex was cheating on you? Pick your longitude and latitude and get to memory making.
4. Buy a sex toy.
Or a subscription to an awesome porn site. Dry spells exist on campus and off campus and sometimes you gotta fend for your horny self. Besides, the best investments are those that can be reused and never stop giving us satisfaction and you can bring it back to school!
5. Go to a strip club.
Even if your town doesn’t have a bar scene, it most definitely has a skeevy strip club somewhere within its limits. If you’ve never been, get some friends and go. I’m not advocating for touching anyone dancing for you or drinking anything handed to you, but I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll have a good time and some great stories for the morning.
6. The Short List: A quick list of things that should be on everyone’s sexual bucket list.
- Public sex
- Get tied up/tie someone up
- Gain membership to the Mile-high club
- Sex on the beach
- Sex with someone from another country
- Role play
- Learn to give yourself an orgasm
You’ll have plenty of time to think of new tasks and challenges to add (and cross off) your own personal sex bucket list while you’re sitting around doing nothing at your lame internship or old job. Don’t worry, just because the semester is closing doesn’t mean your legs have to!