Sleep through your alarm one too many days this week? Fear not, Jerk will catch you up on this week’s newsmakers:
- The world’s largest-ever lottery jackpot had three lucky winners and a million mega losers after the numbers were announced. The three winners each earned about $230 million of the original $640 million mega-jackpot.
- Penny for your thoughts, eh? Canadian Finance Minister Jim Flaherty announced that the country will scrap the penny as part of its official currency.
- The apple of our eye: Ashton Kutcher has signed on to play computer icon Steve Jobs in a new biopic about the former Apple CEO and Co-Founder’s life.
- First Lady Michelle Obama rolled up to Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Awards in black leather pants, promptly landing her on the list of fashion Don’ts. Fashion faux pas at the Kid’s Choice Awards – there’s really no coming back from that…
- Everyone’s favorite baby-daddy Levi Johnston has gotten another girl pregnant out of wedlock. The wannabe model says he is “very excited” to start a family…again.
- Speaking of the Palin’s, former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin has signed on to join the team of “The Today Show,” pitting Palin vs. long-time pal Katie Couric in the ratings. Grab your popcorn – this is gonna be good!
- In news you really don’t need to know: actress Emily Blunt confessed that she has a phobia of shaving her pubic hair, claiming the very sight of it brings her to tears. We can’t tell if she’s serious or not…
- He’s the fantasy of every woman in America, but Ryan Gosling turned out to be a real-life superhero when he saved a woman from being hit by traffic in New York City. Conclusion: walk into oncoming traffic if you want a celebrity to notice you?
- A waitress in Minnesota had her $12,000 tip promptly confiscated by police who claimed it was drug money. The waitress filed a lawsuit against the state, claiming that she received the tip for her “outstanding services.”
- Bad boy Kanye West dropped a new single, Theraflu, in which he professed his love for Kim Kardashian. The two are now rumored to be dating and we can’t help but roll our eyes.
- UK’s Sky News formally admitted to hacking into the emails of public citizens on two occasions. Calling the hacking “justified and in the public interest,” the news giant stood by its actions. Everyone likes a rebel…
- Here’s the kicker, folks: One of those lucky three mega millions winners told reporters that she “misplaced” her golden ticket sometime over the course of the week. Talk about a bad day…