Dressing slutty, eating way too much, and making questionable alcohol fueled-decisions sounds like an average night out in ‘Cuse, but Halloween is the one night of year where all of this is celebrated. If you’re anything like us here at Jerk, it’s always a disastrous night that involves tearing apart your entire closet in search of the perfect costume half an hour before you’re supposed to leave the house. To avoid that stress this year, why not search through the archives and recreate a thottier version of the costume you wore as a kid? Super endearing, and sure to make your parents proud.
Winnie the Pooh
What could be cuter than going as everyone’s favorite honey-loving cartoon character? All you need to recreate this look is a bright red t-shirt, bra, or bandeau, and a yellow bodycon skirt or shorts. Cut some ears out of yellow felt or cardboard, pin them to a headband, and you’re good to go. Take some inspiration from this video.
What girl didn’t dress up as a Disney mermaid as a kid? This is the perfect costume to slut-ify for Halloween, and a great way to experiment with makeup too. Stretch a pair of fishnet tights over your face and chest, and brush shimmery purple, teal, and silver eyeshadows overtop to make a sparkling scale pattern. This video is makeup dummy approved and sure to work. For your costume, you can wear a shirt like this, or get crafty and DIY your very own shell bra. Pair it with shiny leggings or a metallic bodycon skirt, and you’re good to go.
The sexy cat costume may be basic, but it’s a classic for a reason. You can never go wrong in all-black, especially with a black lace bodysuit and second-skin jeans. Add cat-ears, and use your makeup to make your look stand out from all the other cats around you.
Dressing up as a fairy is cute and easy, just like you on Halloween (kidding…sort of). Rock some fairy wings, a tutu or shorts with tights, and a sparkly bra or bandeau. You can switch up the color palette based on what kind of fairy you want to be; deep purples and blues for a sexy dark fairy, pale pinks and purples for a sweet little pixie, or greens and golds if you want to channel your inner Tinkerbell.
It’s 2017 and the only costume more trendy than a mermaid is a unicorn. To recreate your childhood onesie outfit, ditch the horned hood for a horned headband. A rainbow tutu and white bodysuit completes the look and pretty much guarantees “you horny?” pick up lines all night long.
Haven’t you heard? Fast food fashion is all the rage. If you were blessed enough to don a Micky D’s french fry costume as a child, you’re kinda obligated to revisit the look. Better yet, get the squad involved. Each of you throw on a yellow t-shirt or tank, collect the cardboard from your Amazon Prime boxes, and have your artsiest slather some red paint on that shit.