Screen Shot 2017-05-02 at 11.28.49 AM

It all started when I was tiny freshman in DellPlain. I was new to Syracuse and had no idea what Grubhub even was. When I discovered the magical app, I also discovered my one true love: Calios. It was the cheapest place on Marshall Street with no delivery charge and calzones for $7 — not to mention the option to pound it for a buck! My first Calio was the barbecue chicken, or BBQC for the real fans. And unlike other first times, it will forever be my absolute favorite, my No. 1, my OG. Undergrad chugged on, and I ventured bravely through the rest of the Calios menu. I tried out flavors such as buffalo chicken (Buff-Chick); chicken, bacon, and ranch (CBR); and several others. All of the sudden, I was a junior, and I had already tried so many Calios, I figured I might as well finish them all!

And that was my challenge: Eat every flavor Calio before graduation. I can’t say I enjoyed every concoction they decided to stuff into pizza dough, but I can say that they are all special in their own way. With only three Calios left— The Eggplant, Mac N Dog, and Frank and Beans—my Calios journey is sadly coming to a close. I regret absolutely nothing. In 12 days I will be walking across that stage with a diploma in one hand and a Calio in the other. I mean, do you expect anything less?

Filling a desperate public need, Bryana has ranked all of the Calios calzones (with the exception of the three mentioned above and all dessert versions because according to her, “I don’t count them. They are all bad.”) Here they are, from worst to best.

  1. Black N Blue Calzone – All I could taste was a waterfall of Bleu Cheese and that’s it. Where were the rest of the ingredients? I have no idea. I refused to finish it because I thought I was going to throw up. YUCK.
  1. Sweet and Sour Calzone
  1. Swiss Burger Calzone
  1. Chili Dog Calzone
  1. Hawaiian Calzone – Never was into the whole “Hawaiian” concept.
  1. Chicken Ranch Calzone
  1. Chicken Mex Calzone
  1. Garden Calzone – (Broccoli, green peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes, mozzarella and ricotta)
  1. Garbage Calzone – (Macaroni, onions, mustard, hot sauce, cheddar, and choice of chicken, burger, or sausage)
  1. Reuben Calzone
  1. Super Calzone – (Pepperoni, sausage, green pepper, mushrooms, onions and mozzarella)
  1. Calritto Calzone – (Burger, taco sauce, rice, black beans, jalapenos, and cheddar)
  1. Shepard Calzone – (Burger, potatoes, corn, and cheddar)
  1. Sloppie Calzone
  1. The Big Calio Calzone –(Burger, onions, pickles, Thousand Island, American, and cheddar)
  1. Ham N Broccoli Calzone
  1. Ham N Cheese Calzone
  1. Alfredo Calzone
  1. Chicken Ranch Calzone
  1. Fajita Calzone
  1. Chili Dog Calzone
  1. Bacon Burger Calzone
  1. Lazonia Calzone – (Burger, macaroni, mozzarella, and ricotta)
  1. Cordon Bleu Calzone – (Chicken, ham, mozzarella, and American)
  1. Southwest Calzone
  1. Spin N Chicken Calzone – (Chicken, spinach, garlic, and mozzarella)
  1. Buffalo Calzone
  1. Chicken Club Calzone
  1. Enchilada Calzone
  1. Taco Calzone
  1. Chicken N Broccoli Calzone
  1. Ranchalo Calzone – (Chicken, hot sauce, ranch, and mozzarella)
  1. Baked Potato Calzone
  1. Mac N Cheese Calzone
  1. Scramble Calzone – (Eggs, cheddar, and your choice of bacon or sausage) I ordered this one at 2 a.m.…basically breakfast, right?
  1. Riblet Calzone
  1. Roni N Sausage Calzone – (Pepperoni, sausage, mozzarella, and ricotta)
  1. Italy Calzone – (Pepperoni, ham, salami ,and mozzarella)
  1. Pyro Calzone – (Pepperoni, meatballs, marinara, hot peppers, and mozzarella)
  1. Pepperoni Calzone
  1. Pestoni Calzone – (Pepperoni, pesto sauce, and mozzarella)
  1. Hearty Calzone – (Pepperoni, ham, sausage, salami, and mozzarella)
  1. Parma Calzone – (Chicken, Parmesan, and mozzarella)
  1. Chicken Bacon Pepperoni (CBP) Calzone
  1. Chicken Bacon Calzone
  1. Chicken Bacon Ranch (CBR) Calzone
  1. Pork Q Calzone – Pretty much the same as BBQC but not as amazing, still good though!
  1. Meatball Calzone -Was delightfully surprised by this one.
  1. BBQC Calzone – The absolute best! It pleases every part of the mouth. You have the sweet from the BBQ and it’s such a nice after taste. The crispy chicken with the cheddar cheese and mozzarella is such a great combo. Plus there is bacon. Just when you think it couldn’t get any better, they tell you there is bacon on it. Dipped in a little bleu cheese, it’s just perfect.
The Editors

3 thoughts on “A Definitive Ranking of Calios Calzones…From the Girl Who Has Tried Them All”

  1. This is the most inaccurate, disgraceful list ever to surface on the internet. Let us begin at the top, where the headline claims the author has “tried them all”, yet the line below that says she is three away from trying them all. First off, if your going to write a list and call it definitive, just order the other three. Second, do not lie to me in this sorry version of some local buzzfeed clickbait.

    Now lets get down to the real problem here. You mean to tell me that there are 22 calzones better than the Buff-Chick? Absolutely not. Donald Trump said, with regards to the media, “They are among the most dishonest human beings on Earth,” and you, ma’am, are clearly the worst of them. The only excuse for having Buff-Chick at #23 is because Michael Jordan wore 23. MJ is the G.O.A.T. of basketball players, and Buff-Chick is the G.O.A.T. of calzones. You put the Ranchalo above it? Ranchalo is a worse version of Buff-Chick. Now I’m really starting to doubt you have tried all these.

    You have BBQC at number one? Listen, BBQC a good, maybe even great Calio but it isn’t number 1. End of story on that. The sweetness of the subpar BBQ sauce overpowers the rest of the calzone, like the ignorance of this author overpowers my love for Calios.

    And really? Meatball at number 2? You called it a “pleasant surprise”. Sure, it is better than you might expect, but that doesn’t automatically vault it into the Calios hall of fame. You have some of the lowest standards imaginable.

    At 26, the Cordon Bleu deserves a bump at the very least just for sounding so much like Corbin Bleu. It’s combination of american and mozzarella is almost as luscious as the “Jump In” and “Flight 29 Down” star’s hair. The inaccuracies here Bleu me away.

    Without wasting more of my time eating away at the individual rankings, I take offense to your claim as an expert. If you are such an all-knowing god of Calios, please remind me why this list is tagged with “drunk food.” A true Calio lover knows it is suitable for even the soberest of people. So unless you have shamelessly walked into Calios at 4PM when they open, do not claim to be the connoisseur who’s role you so quickly failed to fulfill.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *