Look, we get it, there’s “important” news that you should probably be paying attention to, like America’s political system going to shit, or that global warming is about to turn the world into one big Avatar-like Fire Nation.

However,

KHLOE KARDASHIAN FACETUNED HER FUCKING BABY. WE WISH THIS WAS A JOKE.

Khloe, the youngest of the Kardashian sisters,
decided to wild tf out last week and Facetuned her newborn baby, True.

In
other words, the simulation is glitching. IT’S GLITCHING GUYS.

For you ~uncultured~ readers, Facetune is a
photo-editing app primarily used by teenage girls that are insecure about their
appearance (no tea, no shade lol). The photos are then posted to Instagram with
a “clever” caption, followed by 30 comments from the girl’s friends, all
following the lines of “yassss” and “wait you’re perfect” “omg can I be you?”

Facetune contains features like smoothing,
teeth whitening, and a “reshape” tool that just moves the picture around in an
attempt to make you look skinnier (?).

We totally get wanting to whiten your
post-wine-Wednesday stained teeth so you look like you brush your teeth
regularly, but seriously, who the fuck edits their six-month-old baby?

As a Facetune veteran, it appears that Khloe
smoothed True’s skin and whitened her eyes in an attempt to make her newborn
more “presentable” for Instagram, because who doesn’t love a Facetuned fetus?

Does anyone else find this a little
unsettling, and frankly, quite creepy? How shitty of a human do you have to be
to see flaws in your newborn’s face that need to be “fixed” by an app? Smh.

Also, please try and tell us True doesn’t look
absolutely terrified in the picture, even without the editing. The pose conveys
“loving mother-daughter relationship,” yet the eyes scream “please help me.”
Major mixed messages.

Also, since the Internet never forgets, it’s
important to note that this isn’t the first time a member of the
Kardashian-Jenner fam has Facetuned an innocent bystander.

In 2014, matriarch Kris Jenner took a
seemingly ordinary photo with Gordon Ramsay, a forever favorite.

Cute, right? An iconic duo tbh.

Yeah, that was until Kris posted the same
picture to HER Instagram account.

LMK WHY GORDON RAMSAY LOOK LIKE A FUCKING WAX
FIGURE THAT GOT LEFT OUT IN THE HEAT. Yet another case of unnecessary face
smoothing; we love a history lesson.

So basically, the Kardashians know no lines
and will come for your imperfections no matter what, even if you came out of their womb.

Ainsley Holman
ainsleyholmanjerk@gmail.com
Ainsley Holman is a freshman Magazine major from Dallas, Texas, who, despite her trouble with basic English skills, likes to think she is good at writing. When she’s not eating squeezable applesauce with the determination of a second grader, you can find Ainsley napping or rewatching Brooklyn Nine-Nine for the tenth time.

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