By Joelle Hyman, Video by Annie Pettinga, Photographs by Cassie-Lee Grimaldi and Annie Pettinga

You’ve felt the guilt of mumbling, “I wish my life looked like a J.Crew catalogue.” When we first met Rachel Samples and CJ Taglione, we were convinced that any hint of shame about joining J.Crew’s recently formed conglomerate of cool should be thrown to the curb–and fast.

The duo, a television, radio, film junior and advertising sophomore, respectively, shared their stacks of clean-cut basics and quirky additions (see: Rachel’s “dead celebs” t-shirt collection and CJ’s array of watch straps).  As if being the physical embodiment of brand loyalty wasn’t enough, they’re also quick witted and thoroughly entertaining. We sat down with Rachel and CJ in their safe haven, Grant Auditorium, where they perform with improv group Zamboni Revolution in all of their comedic glory. So if you’ve ever wondered why you can’t have it all, it’s because they’ve been busy having it for you.

Your wardrobe is an illegitimate love child. Who are its parents?
Rachel: This is hard! I’m going to say Jackie O and Pharrell Williams.
CJ: Everyone who’s been inside Marilyn Monroe. I don’t know if my style really reflects that, but James Dean and JFK, they were great. It would probably make me a lot cooler.

Who was your first style crush in comedy?
Rachel: I was a huge Evens Stevens fan, so when Shia LaBeouf would wear Hawaiian shirts, I decided I want to wear them also. I had a really long phase from age 10, that I think I’m still kind of in, emulating Louis Stevens.
CJ: I was a very serious kid, actually. I started liking Cartoon Network in middle school. I was really into Johnny Bravo, that whole black t-shirt and jeans kind of thing. I also knew my dad’s role model growing up was John Travolta, so I felt like that look–maybe a high school badass type–drew some kind of parallel for me about being cool. I don’t know that he’s necessarily a comedy icon but more so funny that I thought that’s what cool was.

What’s your go-to stage outfit?
Rachel: Bright pants, Sperry’s, and a button-up shirt to conceal sweat.
CJ: I go for dark colors, because pit stains are usually my main accessory on stage.

How would one of the characters from GIRLS describe your current outfit?
Rachel: Hannah would call it “like, color-y without being too color-y.” I have Marnie’s style if Marnie didn’t have such a stick up her ass.
CJ: Marnie would…she wouldn’t say anything. She would have a look on her face. And then she would just know we’re meant for each other.

Name three songs that would be on the soundtrack to your wardrobe.
Rachel: “How Will I Know”–Whitney Houston
“Valerie”–Amy Winehouse & Mark Ronson
“Step”–Vampire Weekend
CJ: “Mirrors”–Justin Timberlake
“Breezeblocks”–Alt-J
“Frank, AB”–The Rural Alberta Advantage

Hypothetically, J.Crew is going out of business. Do you panic and loot every store or find a new crutch?
Rachel: I think I would become a Madewell person, which means I would have to get over my fear of denim on denim. I would use H&M as a space-filler and mix with Salvation Army finds.
CJ: J.Crew is a pretty big staple for both of us. I would go on eBay because people probably already looted it and it would be much cheaper. I would rather stop by a couple of auctions and buy-it-nows.

Childhood memories are usually a big inspiration in any act of creativity. Tell us a horrible childhood story and how it affected your approach to comedy and fashion.
Rachel: In 2nd grade, I was going to school in my uncle’s car and I picked up an air freshener he had in the back seat. The liquid in it dumped all over my lap. I smelled awful but I didn’t want to change my outfit because it was our dress-down day at school. I waited all week to wear my new Pokémon t-shirt, baggy jeans, and Reebok sneakers. I walked into the classroom–and for some reason 2nd graders have a million more allergies than the average person–and a kid had a physical reaction to my presence and started wheezing and broke out in hives. It was horrible because I had to sit in the hall and my Pokémon t-shirt never got its time to shine.
CJ: You can ask any guy, no one really teaches you how to use a urinal. You just grow up and it’s there so one day you’re like, “Oh, ok. That’s how you use it?” One day in elementary school, I walked into the bathroom and some kid was taking a shit in a urinal. I just remember the image of his pants around his ankles. It’s a good memory about understanding the importance of simplicity and how basic things function. I can only imagine what that kid did with a glass of water.

I have more ________ than friends.
Rachel: Sperry’s
CJ: Pairs of underwear

It would be an honor if _________ told me my outfit was hideous.
Rachel: Tina Fey
CJ: Justin Timberlake

I saw _______ wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.
Rachel: Beyoncé.
CJ: I’ve never seen anyone wear army pants and flip flops and thought that was cool. But if I had to choose someone, it would be Barack Obama.

For more of Rachel and CJ check out @ZamboniRevolution. Let us know what you think of their style, @jerkmagazine!

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via PBNation.com

By Bria Holness

As some of us may know, Spike Lee visited SU last week in the event of speaking with the student body about his career path and how he got to where he is today.  He didn’t hesitate to share his own experiences to shed light on what students need to do to be successful in today’s world. In sharing his story, he also spoke about his own college experiences, including his experience with Greek life on his campus. He called it something along the lines of the “magic transformation.”

Lee said in his freshman year he was part of a group of friends who were short and puny, and essentially had no capability of scoring with the girls. However, in his sophomore year, some of those same friends pledged and the moment that they finished pledging (aka crossing) they all of a sudden were getting attention from tons of girls, “talking about I’m running 8 to 9 hoes now,” Lee said. At the end of the day, nothing changed about these young men. Yes, now they could stroll and “twirl their canes.” They could step, throw up a sign, yell a call, and were now officially branded with their Greek letters. But that made them desirable? Lee thinks this is a reflection of the women who are giving them this new and extra attention. He made it a priority to point out that this is shallow—and shows what really is important to these women.

But this doesn’t only happen to young men who join fraternities; women in sororities fall into this pattern too. Regardless of the fact of whether or not they were known before they pledged, after they pledge, they become an object of attraction and desire. This leads other people to feel like they’ve been left in the dust, which can in turn spark their own interest in Greek life.

This isn’t necessarily the Greeks fault, however; it’s the people around them who are shallow enough to find them more attractive because they have a “higher status.” Alyssa, a sophomore, things Greek life in college is translated into status. Another sophomore, who wishes to remain anonymous, agreed.  “…People want to be associated with Greeks if they aren’t Greek themselves. They want to be able to say they talk to someone with a title,” she said.

Three frat guys, disagreed.  They all claimed that girls treated them the same and that everything remained the same.

However, a female sophomore, who recently joined a sorority, and wishes to remain anonymous, says it depends on who it is. “I feel like for guys who knew me before, there’s no difference because they knew me before. But for guys who didn’t, if they didn’t know you before, they’ll try to get with you.” She also went on to say that if she goes to a Greek party, the first thing a frat guy will ask is “what org are you part of?”  She stated that it’s just a part of Greek life.

But what about those who aren’t a part of Greek life and are looking for some attention at a regular, non-Greek venue?  Does Greek life and its higher status still matter then? Jocelin, a sophomore, has a friend whose experience with Greek life implies just that. “She was at a bar with her friend and a guy walked up to them and was like ‘Hey cuties, what sorority are you guys part of?’ and when they replied ‘None,’ the guy said, ‘Um, never mind’ and walked away.” Does that even make the least bit of sense?  So now when we go down our checklist of an ideal person of interest it’s tall, dark, handsome, and Greek. Last time I checked, people have more to offer than their Greek letters.

And what’s even crazier is that people have the nerve to complain about how Greek life has changed someone. Yes, their process into joining the sorority or fraternity may have changed them a bit but at the end of the day, they are the same person.  What really “changes” them is the excessive attention they receive from their peers, the attention everyone believes is necessary to give them. As soon as these people cross, people look at them differently, in perhaps a better and sexier light and in a way, Greeks are unconsciously forced to fulfill this role.  And it happens Every. Single. Time. People seem to forget that Greeks are people, too.  Although it may be nice at first, they don’t deserve fake attention or to be chased after because now they can wear letters across their chests or on their bags or wherever else.  As Jocelin stated, “It’s sad that people rely on things like this to be interested in people. Just shows how people are sellouts and are focused on irrelevant things.”

Like I said before, Greeks have a lot more to offer than their letters and people should be able to look past this superficiality to get to know them as people and not as Greeks. They were people before they crossed and they’re still people after they crossed.  And also, they’re not Greek people; last time I checked those people live in Greece.  They’re people with Greek letters and should be treated as such.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via FanPop.com

By Emma McAnaw

Both males and females have reason to be excited that the ultimate queen of sleaze Ke$ha is coming to Syracuse University. Girls, you now have the perfect excuse to go out in public in nothing but a bedazzled bra and mounds of glitter. The women at this concert are willing to look their trashiest—even worse than a Playboy bunny on Halloween (or any time of the year, I guess). The motivation for the male population of Syracuse to attend this concert goes without saying. A room full of half naked dancing girls is like the coming of the messiah for our beloved SU horn dogs.

Ke$ha may have copyrighted the ability to be the trashiest (and shiniest) person on the planet, but Syracuse students definitely know how to keep up. At least four days a week the campus bursts full of strangely dressed students, hell bent on getting wasted. On College Prowler, Syracuse University was rated 35^th in “Most Raging Party Scene,” and 1269^th in “Tamest Party Scenes.” You do the math.

With a reputation like that to uphold, it’s no wonder you can go out every night of the week. You know you have a problem when you’re looking forward to Wine Wednesday. But as we get older it’s important to remember there’s a thin line between being the life of the party and a downright mess. There is nothing more embarrassing than being a sophomore mistaken as a freshman. The shameful experiences of being a embarrassingly young on the party scene should be forever hidden, not being relived a year later. Unless you want your friends forcing you into Alcoholics Anonymous, try not to pull the craziest stunts every time you go out. Let your friend bask in the glory of being the biggest mess of the night every once in a while.

As much fun as it is to go absolutely nuts every so often, it’s not enjoyable to realize everyone has begun to recognize you as the token shitshow. Go ahead and prove just how long you can do a keg stand (hopefully that’s not your greatest accomplishment). But if you find yourself having to clean up both physical and emotional messes every time you go out, you might want to consider reining it in a little. Ke$ha is paid to be this embarrassing, you will just be mocked.

What do you think about Ke$ha? Got any crazy going out stories? Share them below or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

I first met Lauren Teng my freshman year. She wore thick, wooly socks peeking out of white high tops, Syracuse-branded track shorts with clear lucite-framed glasses. What would normally be a sartorial disaster is actually quintessential and unique to Lauren; sporty, comfortable, and oozing a kind of self-awareness and composure that the latest Strokes album can’t buy. Now a television, radio, and film junior, Lauren still dishes out Zen wisdom and wears those wooly socks with track shorts–in fact, she wore them to our interview. Lauren let Jerk inside her dynamic personal space–holding the many layers (literally) of her wardrobe–which is the stage for more Macklemore dance parties than you would imagine.

Your wardrobe is an illegitimate love child. Who are its parents?
A MMA fighter and Gwyneth Paltrow.

How important is it to have a personal space reflective of your style? 
Everything reflects me. I’m big on nesting and I like creating spaces that are comfortable and give back to you. Clothes have to do the same for me.

How essential is layering to your daily routine?
Layering? It’s of the utmost importance–especially when you live far away [from campus] and especially in Syracuse. Going in and out of buildings, it’s nice to have the option of adding and removing.

How would one of the characters from GIRLS describe your current outfit?
Adam would say, “It’s nice, it’s nice. I get it. Socks.”

Name three songs that would be on the soundtrack to your wardrobe.
It’s one of those hour long links on YouTube to an entire Nujabes album. That’s exactly what it is.

Tell a childhood anecdote that explains the path to your current style aesthetic.
Well, my mom used to take scissors away because I would cut everything. When my World War II teacher couldn’t think of a polite way to ask why I was wearing baggy guy pants, he told me it looked like I was ready to go camping. I remember thinking, “This is a good idea.”

I have more ______ than friends.
Sweatshirts.

It would be an honor if ______ told me my outfit was hideous.
Felicity. Actually, her roommate Meaghan.

I saw _______ wearing army pants and flip flops, so I bought army pants and flip flops.
Joan Cusack.

Find Lauren’s work on Vimeo and let us know what you think of her style, @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling, photograph by Ilana Goldmeier

By Charlotte Stockdale

Zach Schleien, Roarke Clinton, and Nate Frechette have spent the past year busting their asses. Their sweat-and-elbow-grease effort BeginU–a website that connects students with similar work-space passions–is about to take off, and there’s no way we’re letting it happen without getting a word in first.  Jerk had the pleasure of getting to know these three entrepreneurs on a business and surface level. (You really didn’t think we’d leave without asking about celebrity crushes and embarrassing apps, did you?)

When did you start BeginU?
Zach: Roarke and I actually started BeginU in December 2011 over Skype. Our two different ideas met each other and merged, but we mutually wanted to start a site that could hook up students based on skill sets. Then we needed a developer, and we met Nate, who’s from Le Moyne.  We started really getting things going in December 2012 and now we have an actual prototype for our website. Our site is pretty baller.
Roarke: Yeah, exactly. It evolved over Skype, we basically threw everything up on a board, and started getting really excited about our ideas. We pivoted several times on how we were going to get this thing going.

What do you think sets BeginU apart from LinkedIn and other social media?
Roarke: Actually, we don’t want to compete with LinkedIn.  LinkedIn is a great site, and a great  way to extend your resume. But it is a very open site, while BeginU, on the other hand, is exclusively for students. Our site is committed that students gain real-life experience on campus. It is software that is exclusively for universities.
Zach: This site is totally focused on college students. This network facilitates students finding other students based on skill sets. Our job is finding a way to connect them. The goal is for students to gain experience based on their interests and goals outside the classroom, while in college, before going into the working world.

What type of apps do you guys build? Do you do it for fun or do you hope to sell them?
Nate: Both. Roarke does the design and I do the development with another freshman here, Aidan. The ultimate goal is to build something cool and have companies buy our app. That’d be ideal.

Most embarrassing app on your phone?
Zach: Tinder and a hypnosis app that I use to meditate.
Roarke: “All Women Stalk.” It’s like girl tips. It actually has really good tips, though.
Nate: I don’t know, Temple Run? I play it every once in a while.

What is your favorite thing about Syracuse?
Zach: I just joined an amazing yoga studio, Lotus Life. But when I was a student here, I loved my AEPi fraternity parties.
Roarke: The weather. Just kidding. The focus. I love finding people who are willing to get down and dirty, and collaborate with each other to get something to happen.
Nate: I don’t know… I’ve lived here my whole life. Marshall Street?

What’s something most people don’t know about you?
Zach: I’m trained to be a certified health coach.
Roarke: I’m a glass-blower.
Nate: I play guitar, lacrosse, and I like long walks on the beach.

Top item on your bucket list?
Zach: To be a commencement speaker.
Roarke: Own my own island.
Nate: Skydiving. I’m terrified of heights, but I’ve got to do it.

Celebrity crush?
Zach: Kim Kardashian.
Roarke: I have a girlfriend…. And I can’t think of one off the top of my head.
Nate: Mila Kunis.

Biggest pet peeve?
Zach: When people say they’re going to do something then cop-out.
Roarke: I hate contradictions!
Nate: People who take themselves too seriously.

Most embarrassing story.
Zach: When I was 14, I went on a trip to DC with my class. At the time, I had the biggest crush on this girl, Julia, and I told her in the cafeteria that I liked her. She told me, straight up, that she didn’t like me, and I started crying. I felt like everyone around me was laughing, so I ran to the bathroom.
Roarke: We were at a conference at the largest accelerator in the country, in Boston, and I approached the person who literally runs the place. He’s like a millionaire. I wasn’t aware of that at the time, and I managed to walk up to him, and asked for his name, and what his job was, and he was basically like “I run this whole thing.”
Nate: When I was ten years old, I climbed up to the top of a tree thinking I was really cool. As I was coming down, and my friends were going to someone else’s backyard, my pants somehow got caught on a branch. I literally dropped trou, was hanging upside down in the tree, crying my eyes out. I was so paranoid that my friends were going to come back as my Mom was rescuing me.

Apple or Microsoft?
All: Apple!

What is your advice for  people just getting started?
Zach: You better be all in for it. Don’t half-ass it. Also, follow your gut.
Roarke: The road is tough, but it’s worth it. Also, look for people with skills better than yours.
Nate: Don’t always think that your idea is the best be willing to adjust.

What are your thoughts on student entrepreneurship? Got a start-up you want to share? Hit us up in the comments below or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via GuesofaGuest.com

By Emma McAnaw

You’ve convinced everyone that you have the tolerance of a fifth-year frat star. You pride yourself in the fact that you can toss back tequila shots like they’re made of water. But can you can do that all day? Probably not, but during this time of formals, basketball games, and day-drinks, you’re going to try our damndest.

As soon as Syracuse students are exposed to sunlight, we throw on shorts and start blasting music as if it’s not 40 degrees out, but 70. Convincing yourself that your professor won’t notice that you reek of beer if you indulge in day drinking before class is easy when we go to a school where the sight of sunlight is more rare to us than to a naked mole rat. Who cares that finals are mere weeks away? Avicii is blasting from every frat house and it’s time to rage, damn it.

The same goes for the upcoming formals. There’s nothing more intimidating than your date demanding that you start drinking at three in the afternoon (What? Should I still plan on surviving that night?). The key here is to pace yourself, since you’ll probably be forced to be in public for at least seven hours. I haven’t gone to the aforementioned formal yet, so I might be eating my words. Or, with my luck, be on my death bed by the time this is published. However, rumor has it that in order not to be “that asshole” stashed into a corner for being to drunk, one must spread out his or her drinks. This doesn’t mean pound five Captain Morgan shots in a row followed by fisting as much food as you possibly can. Any student past freshman year should know by now that that only results in bad breath, not sobriety. I’m not suggesting you tell your date that you can’t start drinking until later in the night, because that makes you the awkward fuck whose still sober while everyone else is already drunk. Just try not to be the one dancing on the tables by 5pm, because I promise you that you will find yourself on YouTube the next day.

The basketball games are an even better excuse to drink at inappropriate hours. However, since this is in broad daylight and not leading to an event later in the night, it’s all more noticeable when you’re blackout among people calmly sitting in front of the television. Your inevitable commentary that makes zero sense will only be seen as obnoxious and irritable. Don’t let your usually wasted friend look like the responsible one; they will never let you forget it. At least wait until the game is over, when you can move your drinking outside. That way you’ll have an easier time making an (ungraceful) exit upon getting too drunk.

That is the true spirit of spring (according to Syracuse).

Tweet us  your drinking plans for the rest of the semester, @jerkmagazine.

VIDEO: Sarah Kinslow
EDITING: Brandon Weight
STYLIST: Noah Silverstein
ASSISTANT STYLISTS: Julie Kosin and Nancy Oganezov
PHOTOGRAPHER: Alyssa Greenberg
MAKEUP: Annie Zhang
MODELS: Shanice Bland and Ian DaRin

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via BitRebels.com

By Emma McAnaw

You like her  posts on Facebook. You comment on every one of her profile pictures, gushing how beautiful you think she is. Then you run into that person on the street, and you might as well have run into your crusty old professor. It’s extremely awkward, and a rude awakening that you two are complete strangers. Thanks to our pathetic addiction to social media, it’s become more and more common to make “friends.” You drunkenly meet a party for two minutes, find each other on Facebook, and suddenly you can depend on at least one more like for every status.

This person basically becomes your new obsession. You stalk all of their formal pictures, you like all of their status updates, and you may occasionally retweet them. Yet once you run into them in Bird (aka home of awkward run-ins), you do nothing but make awkward eye contact. It’s worse than running into a Tinder match, because at least with those you can pretend you don’t remember them. With these so-called “friends,” it’s best to simply say the quickest hello possible. Don’t ask them how their weekend was—you already know.

Facebook stalking has also led us to believe that we know a person much better than we actually do. How many times have you stalked your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend? Probably just a few thousand. When you’re able to spot this person several miles away on the quad, you should probably take this as a hint to stop. Scrolling through his or her list of “likes” over and over again will not help you get to know that person, or more importantly get over your ex.  Besides, that person will be incredibly creeped out if they learned that you somehow know they played the jazz flute in seventh grade. You’re trying to convince your ex that you aren’t a total psycho, remember?

The same goes for getting to know a new hookup. You two talk everyday, either through texting or Facebook chat. Things may seem like they’re going really well when you ‘re sharing your entire life story via chat, but when you two see each other in person it’s back to being strangers. Who wants to bring up that story about the time you had to bury your cat Mr. Snuffles when you’re about to have sex? Unless you share these stories in person, they basically don’t count.

What are your thoughts on Facebook “friends?” Share them in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via FiftyFootGirl.blogspot.com

By Bria Holness

As some may know, Take Back The Night was held last Wednesday, April 10^th, from 7 to 10:30 p.m. Take Back The Night is an event that brings individuals from all backgrounds, sexual orientations, cultures, genders, and races together to speak out against sexual and relationship violence, along with other forms of oppression and bias. The event not only provides an opportunity for the community to declare that everyone has the right to live free from violence, but it gives those who have been affected a chance to voice their stories as well. According to takebackthenight.org, the first TBTN took place in 1976 when women who were attending the International Tribunal on Crimes Against Women lit candles and marched in the streets of Belgium to condemn violence against women. Since 2004, the Advocacy Center here at Syracuse University has been coordinating an annual TBTN event.

These are important issues that everyone should be aware of, especially in a college setting. As said at the event, most women are raped before they reach the age of 25. One in four college girls will be raped and many of these girls will be raped in the first few weeks of either their freshman or sophomore year. And unfortunately, most of these rapes will go unreported.

What can we do about this? There are many cases in which people are intimidated to help because they feel they are too young or don’t have the resources to help make a difference—but that isn’t true at all. Anyone can help. Here are a few ways suggested by the coordinators of Take Back The Night:

Take Action. If a friend, family member, classmate, or teammate is disrespectful or abusive to others, you may want to try speaking with him or her and urge him or her to seek help. If you don’t know what to do, consult a friend, parent, professor, counselor, the Advocacy center, or Residence Life staff.

If you suspect that someone close to you or even someone that you know is being abused or has been sexually assaulted, ask if you can help.

Seek professional help NOW if you are emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually abusive to others, or have been in the past. (Syracuse resources: Vera House, (315) 425-0818; S.U. Counseling Center, (315) 443-4715)

Have the courage to look inward. Question and challenge your own attitudes and beliefs. Try hard to understand how your own attitudes and actions might unintentionally perpetuate violence, and work toward changing them. Attend workshops and programs aimed at reducing bias and hate crimes and increasing awareness of diversity issues on college campuses.

Think twice before purchasing any magazine, renting any video, subscribing to any web site, or buying any music that portrays people in a sexually degrading or abusive manner.  You may not think so, but such material can insidiously creep into your mannerisms in how you speak, how you act, and what you think.

Be an ally to those who are working to end all forms of violence. Support the efforts of campus and community based organizations by attending such events and rallies like Take Back The Night. Speak out against bias and hate language. Go as far as supporting and involving yourself in LGBT organizations and causes. You can do so by connecting with the LGBT resource center on campus.

Fundraise for rape crisis centers, domestic violence shelters, and other community organizations that work to end violence.  If you belong to a team, fraternity, sorority, or another student group, organize a fundraiser. Here on SU’s campus, the fraternities and sororities that have houses on Walnut Avenue and Comstock Avenue will display clean slate banners before Mayfest in action against sexual and relationship violence.

Volunteer with Advocacy Center on campus or Vera House in the Syracuse community.

Mentor and teach boys about how to be men in ways that allow men to access a full range of emotions and behaviors. Essentially, lead by example.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Photo via NetworkedBlogs.com

By Shea Garner

There was a select group of kids back in high school that listened to Daft Punk. The ones that stick out in my mind were the kind of snot-nosed greasy-haired freaks that lived life behind their backwards manga comics with a pair of headphones. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it just wasn’t my jam back in 2005. I was more into lacrosse and Weezer and school pranks and a lot of that other Senior High drama bullshit, I’m sure.

But my musical horizons certainly expanded once I hit college, among other things. Soon I realized the aforementioned weirdos were actually probably, in a sense, the cool kids— the ones that didn’t conform themselves to genres or expectations. I mean, Daft Punk were the guys that made auto-tune cool before T-Pain and other offenders drove it straight into the ground. These kids were attuned to “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” even before Kanye West attributed it to his genius and sampled the tune on his rap. The first time I heard the auto-tuned cry of “One More Time” on the triumphant track of the same name, I was hooked. And for the first time, I was jealous— jealous it had taken me so long to listen.

And now is a better time than ever to listen up, as the French house duo prepare to release their fourth LP Random Access Memories in May. Don’t be ashamed. You can shrug off anyone under 23 claiming they’ve been listening to Daft Punk since day one, because unless they had some really cool parents (or older siblings), they probably just started packing school lunches back in 1997 when they released their classic debut Homework. While they have yet to release a single from their latest album, they’ve been teasing us plenty. In early March, the first of a few 15-second commercials aired during Saturday Night Live, showcasing a clip of a new track fans have dubbed “Get Lucky.” The track features a funky, live guitar sample, played by disco legend Nile Rodgers and the auto-tuned lyrics “We’re up all night to get lucky.” This short sound byte has already garnered thousands of Soundcloud remixes, confirming its status as what’s sure to be track of the summer.

Other collaborators on the forthcoming release include Animal Collective’s Noah Lennox (Panda Bear), The Strokes’ Julian Casablancas, Pharrell Williams, 80s Italian producer Giorgio Moroder, and American house producer Todd Edwards. That long list of talent, paired with the epic album art depicting a merged photo of the Android musician’s signature robot helmets, holds promise that RAM will surpass their meagerly received 2005 record Human After All. And as the May 21 date creeps closer, my desperate hope for a monumental summer tour only grows exponentially. After all, what’s better than being up all night with a crowd full of people getting lucky to Daft Punk?

What are your thoughts on Daft Punk? Let us know in the comments below, or on Twitter @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via ThoughtCatalogue.com

By Emma McAnaw

Remember in high school, when you first started looking into colleges to apply to and everyone would ask that unavoidable and horrifying question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Back then; that question was annoying as hell and you wished you could have answered, “Mind your own damn business.” Well now that’s all we want someone to ask us, because it’s suddenly assumed that we’re (brace yourself) growing up and magically have our shit together. I know, how rude. But if you take a second to consider, we are at least on our way to maturing past the mortifying freshmen we once were. Here are five ways you can tell you’re starting to grow up (emphasis on starting).

1. You reminisce about “the good old days.”

It usually happens after a particularly rough night out, or a hard day of classes. We hide away in our beds, and stalk our Facebook photos from freshman year. What could be more refreshing than looking at sloppy pictures of you, dressed in a tacky outfit, falling over friends in a dirty frat basement? When your professors have the audacity to assign you work and you’re under constant pressure to “figure out” what the hell you’re doing with your life, nothing seems more appealing than returning to your freshman year of constant partying, with your biggest problem being the recent pounds added to your ass (thank you, beer). But remember that there’s a reason no one is meant to be a freshman forever. First, all that excessive drinking and the poor decisions that follow (like walking home alone at 2 a.m.) would eventually kill you. But also who wants to be that fucking stupid for the rest of your life? It’s for the best that you somehow survived and learned a thing or two.

2. You discover your major isn’t actually in napping.

Where the hell did all of these responsibilities come from, and why are they interfering with your nap schedule? You know you’re getting older when you choose to meet with your professor, or perfect an assignment over squeezing in an hour-long nap. I know it’s shocking, discovering your body can indeed handle being awake for a full day without retreating to your bed in between classes. Or at least it can when pumped full of caffeine. Staying productive and alert all day seems inhumane right now, but this will prepare us for when we’re forced to pretend to do something in a cubicle from nine to five. Telling your boss that you have a very important nap schedule will most likely not end well for you. And if it does you might want to reconsider how legitimate this “job” really is.

3. You stop saying “this isn’t real life.”

The belief that ”college isn’t real life” is solid proof that ignorance is bliss. Turns out that you don’t just magically turn into this functional human being when you graduate, like you were hoping. Instead you have to learn at least some lessons from your experience in college, like if you skip every single lecture you will not be able to bullshit your way through the tests. Rumor has it that this is the same in the real world, when you have a job. Bullshitting your way through life apparently became unacceptable once we decided the future of being a hobo wasn’t all that appealing. College is all about experimentation (not like that, you pervert). Pay attention to what works and what doesn’t, like going out before your 9:30 a.m. exam. You’ll be thankful you remembered this when you don’t have to keep the garbage bin next to you during your next job interview.

4. You are no longer hell bent on going out.

Staying in on a weekend night used to feel like the ultimate “social suicide.”  Friends would actually become annoyed at you for having the nerve to study for your final instead of joining them in their quest to black out. Before, you might have caved and went out despite the impending doom that was 30 percent of your grade. Now, hopefully you’ve learned that a pounding headache and two hours of sleep is not the best formula for success. This school allows you the opportunity to party your face off at least four days a week, that’s more than half of a school week. At the risk of sounding like your mother (The horror!), staying in one of those nights will not affect you in the long run. And if you ace that test, now you have a reason celebrate, Wednesday classes be damned.

5. You actually look at your bank account.

That suspiciously low number that shows up on your receipt every time you take money out? That’s your bank account, or the thing your parents are always lecturing you about. You know you’re starting to get old when you buy your alcohol based off of price, not taste (I said we’re starting to grow up, I didn’t say we had to completely rule out partying). Eventually your parents will stop thinking of you as their precious offspring and more like a leech if you keep asking them for money every week. Until we’re forced to solely rely on our own, most likely minimum wage, job keep choking down that Barton’s. You’ll be glad when you don’t have to stay in because you currently have $5 (CHARLOTTE: check AP style on how this should be written.) in your bank account.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Venai-Mag.net

By Shea Garner

The first time I heard Kurt Vile was back in 2011 after he released his breakthrough album Smoke Ring For My Halo. It was a swirling, cloudy record—the kind imagined through a stark grainy black and white filter, lyrically coping with laziness and isolation. Any glint of hope the record held lay in its shimmering instrumentation— Vile’s gorgeous guitar at the front and center of the mix. I was immediately hooked. Little did I know, Vile was a prominent figure in the Philadelphia music scene, having already released three full-length albums with his band The Violators, and was often compared to Bruce Springsteen for his singer/songwriter abilities and Americana influence.

Fast forward a year and I’m at the NME Awards Show in London at the infamous KOKO nightclub/venue. Real Estate had just left the stage and I was eagerly awaiting the night’s headliner–Kurt Vile and The Violators. As the band took stage and blasted into the opener “Can’t Come,” Smoke Ring For My Halo’s crisp and lonely sound was suddenly transformed into what I could only call a mammoth rock ‘n roll set. He even covered Springsteen’s “Downbound Train” before teaming up with former Spacemen 3 member Sonic Boom for a psychedelic rendition of the group’s classic “Amen/Hey Man.” The performance inspired me dig back into Vile’s catalogue and explore his band’s grittier pre-Smoke Ring sound.

This Tuesday, Vile releases his fifth studio album Wakin’ on a Pretty Daze. The double-LP features a logical musical progression, finding the recluse stepping out of his smoke-filled room and into the elements. “Wakin’ on a pretty day/Don’t know why I ever go away/It’s hard to explain/My love in these days,” he sings on the nine-minute opening title track, as the breezy guitars perfectly compliment a spring day. Whether it’s returning to the intensity of his back catalogue on the Bowie-like “KV Crimes” or churning out a simple pop jam on “Never Run Away,” the new record’s sound feels fuller in scope than its predecessor.

I’m really looking forward to spending more time with this record, especially as the weather grows nicer. Vile’s laid-back vocal delivery and expert guitar are just two of the many reasons people are willing to buy vinyl again and hear an entire album from front to back. Try this one out next time you’re soothing a hangover on your porch, particularly when it hits late April or early May–you won’t regret it.

What are your thoughts on Kurt Vile? Let us know in the comments below, or on Twitter @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via TheTonyGrands.com

By Bria Holness

A part of the reason why a lot of the relationships are falling apart around us at this time, especially in a college setting, is because of what we call “the friend zone.” Before we go on, I think I should throw out there that relationships don’t always mean official boyfriend and girlfriend. As we know there are various types of relationships in which people are intimately involved with one another. So just because you may not have a title on your situation, you have some sort of relationship with that person, especially if you’re sexually involved.

“The friend zone” defines a situation where there is a disparity in romantic feelings between two individuals who may or may not be sexually involved. However, in a college environment, they are better known as “friends with benefits.” In these situations, there usually comes a point in time where the supposed benefits just aren’t cutting it anymore and there is commitment mismatch, in which only one person wants to progress into a relationship while the other doesn’t. Once someone gets stuck in the friend zone, their emotional needs aren’t being met and they’re not getting what they need or want from the person they are involved with. However, because the other person is completely satisfied with the situation or may be too scared to move forward, the other person is reaping all the benefits in which they’re needs and wants are being met without any commitment. So now the relationship becomes unfair and unequal—the person who has been friend-zoned doesn’t feel good because they may feel that they’ve given everything to their “friend” without ever getting what they wanted in return.

Well, from firsthand experience, I know the shit sucks. However, by fully understanding the unevenness of the friend zone and what it is, it can be avoided from the get-go.

One main reason why people end up in the friend zone is that they’re too tentative, scared, or passive instead of being upfront about what they want from the beginning. They may not want to overwhelm their “friend” or seem too forward.  So they approach the person as just a friend or begin as friends with benefits because its easier to get involved that way and less emotionally risky. The individuals getting involved don’t clearly communicate what they want from the relationship either because they’re scared of rejection or would rather use a sneaky approach by using friendship to slide in—and these situations rarely ever work. Of course there are the exceptions in which hookups turn into official relationships and friends turn into lovers but these involve a mutual understanding and mutual feelings from the start.

Instead of getting stuck in the friend zone by staying quiet, just state what you want from the beginning to create an honest trade. Relationships, official or not, are about mutuality and equality. If the other person isn’t interested in what you want or you’re not interested in what they want, then simply walk away and find someone else who is. Settling for a situation you’re not happy with or trying to lure someone into a situation in which you know you’ll be reaping all the benefits can cause serious heartbreak. It’s easier if everyone just asks for what they want from the beginning.

Another reason why people end up in the friend zone is because they’re too good. They end up doing all the work, making all the sacrifices, and putting in all the effort. They make it easy to be with them. You’d think that making yourself easy to love would make it easy for someone to commit to you but unfortunately, it doesn’t.  People tend to take that easiness for granted and it’s just as easy for them to forget you. People value and invest in what they work hard for, so by doing all the work, you are friend zoning yourself—you’re investing and developing all the feelings in the relationship while the other is not because they’re sitting back just taking what you’re giving them. To avoid this situation you must make them work too. You need to make sure that effort and investment is balanced on both sides and that you’re giving just as much as you’re getting. This can be done through simply asking for what you want and if the person is not down, then you know what you have to do.

In a nutshell, be bold and demand an equal trade. Don’t do too much; give the other person space to work and invest. Don’t settle for a miserable situation in which you’re giving and giving and the other person is just taking. You deserve to get what you want too so instead of being complacent, find someone who is willing to give it to you.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Markarayner.com.

By Bria Holness

Now that March 20, the first day of spring, has come and gone, there seems to be an unusually high number of break-ups for various types of relationships.  This isn’t unusual, however. Every year, everyone, especially young adults, looks around and notices that their relationships and many of their friends’ relationships have hit a rut. But still every year we continue to look around at each other like deer in headlights, wondering what the hell is going on, as if the same damn thing didn’t happen last year. My dear friends, this isn’t just a coincidence that takes place every single year; after some research, it turns out that season has a lot to do with how relationships flow.

InformationIsBeautiful.net held an informal study in which they combined millions of Facebook status updates and recorded how many people’s relationship statuses went from “In a Relationship” to “Single” in the course of a year. According to the survey, the number of break ups start rising dramatically right before Valentine’s Day and reach a peak during the month of March. As we enter April, the numbers begin to drop dramatically and ultimately, stay the same until the end of summer and the beginning of fall. At this time of the year, as school gets started, numbers drop even more, making this the period with the lowest number of break ups. There obviously is a tendency for people to get all googly eyed for one another as the summer ends, causing them to pair up and shack up all throughout the winter months; but come spring-time, they break up and are single again as the hot summer weather approaches.

Everyone gets happy as summer creeps in; clothes get smaller, and beautiful people are outside ready to mingle. There is a reason for all these beautiful singles running around, however—and science tells us why. There’s more light when spring approaches, and as a result, your body produces less melatonin, a hormone that elevates mood, increases sex drive, and changes circadian rhythms (aka sleep patterns. When hormones are stimulated like this, there is a deep primal instinct to spread oneself and procreate, leading men and women everywhere to drop their “main squeeze” and go out looking for something fresh.

But as September approaches, there is less light, which leads to an increased production of melatonin, stilling the intense passion to “spread the seed.” In addition, we all know the darker and colder months put a downer on all of our moods and as a result, we all go out searching for warmth and happiness in another individual. In a nutshell, come winter, everyone is trying to cuddle and this leads to a surge of pair ups, hook ups, and relationships, whether official or not.

So everyone brace yourselves…and your relationships; we’ve reached the highest break-up peak of the year. If your relationship has ended already, I apologize and bestow upon you a virtual hug. If your relationship hasn’t ended, then I commend and bow down to you.  But beware of the insidious “break-up season”—your relationship may be next.

Think break-up season is just a myth? Have some, ahem, personal experience with the attraction of summer? Let us know in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Buzzfeed.com

By Nicole Fisher

I thank the inventor of the microwave everyday. Always on the go, it makes quick snacks, warms leftovers, and provides a degree of normalcy in my constantly moving lifestyle. But the day I discovered you could cook in the microwave changed my life.

Last year I lived in Lawrinson and use to make omelets in my microwave. Using eggbeaters and a pinch of cheese I would snap together my omelette creator and within 2 minutes a delicious morning meal was made. Breakfast was the only time I enjoyed going to the dining hall, as it should be for you, but just in case you are on the go, or need a snack late at night, these recipes are dorm-friendly and made in a mug. Just remember to keep track of what you are zapping—you do not want to be that person who sets of the fire alarm for your building.

2-Minute French Toast In a Cup

Ingredients

Large Mug

2 Pieces of Bread (any kind works!)

Butter

1 Egg

3 Tablespoons of Milk

Vanilla

Cinnamon

Maple Syrup

Instructions

1. Cut bread into cubes
2. Melt butter in the microwave using 15 second intervals to keep the butter from burning. Once butter is melted, coat the sides of the mug to prevent the french toast from sticking.
3. Place bread cubes in mug
4. In a separate mug or bowl, add the egg, 2 tablespoons of milk, sprinkle of cinnamon, and a splash of vanilla if you like it sweet. Mix ingredients with a fork.
5. Pour egg mixture over bread in cup. Give it a minute to soak into bread.
6. Stick cup in microwave. Set to 1 minute and add ten seconds at a time until its cooked to your liking. Note: In my microwave thats 1 minute and 20 seconds.
7. When cooked pour maple syrup on top and enjoy!

Coffee Cup Quiche

Ingredients

1 egg

1 1/2 tablespoons milk

Salt

Ground black pepper

1/4 of a bagel

2 teaspoons of cream cheese

1/2 slice prosciutto or ham

Fresh chopped chives

Dijon mustard

Instructions:

1. Beat egg and milk together with a fork in a coffee cup, adding salt and pepper to taste. Tear bread into dime-size pieces; stir in. Add cream cheese; stir in. Tear or cut prosciutto into small pieces; add to mixture.
2. Microwave on high until done, about 1 minute 10 seconds. Garnish with mustard and fresh thyme or chives.

Got any dorm-friendly recipes you’d like to share? Ever set of the fire alarm with a meal-gone-wrong? Let us know in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Fanpop.com

By Bria Holness

In the end of 2011, Esquire Magazine named Rihanna not only the sexiest woman alive, but also what the magazine referred to as “the essence of fuck.”  I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in. Done? Okay. With this, Esquire didn’t just name Rihanna a sex icon, they defined her as the essential core of a purely physical act in which people are giving each other primal, satisfactory, raunchy, dirty pleasure. But how does anyone even get this title, and when the hell did this even happen?

From what I can remember, when Rihanna first debuted, she created an identity for herself in which she was portrayed as the innocent Barbadian princess with songs about dancing under the sunlight and falling in and out of love. As her career as an artist progressed, however, she began changing her “innocent” image into one in which she was becoming more in touch with her sexuality and comfortable in her skin—all while in the public eye. By her fourth album, Loud, Rihanna began including sexually explicit lyrics in her songs like “No heels,/ No shirt,/ No skirt,/ All I’m in is just skin./ No jeans,/ Take em off,/ Wanna feel your skin./ You a beast, oh./ You know that I like that./ Come on baby,/ All I wanna see you in is just skin,” attracting not only females to her music but heterosexual males who probably sit in their rooms fantasizing that Rihanna is serenading to them. Through such lyrics she began slowly changing her appeal into one of seduction and sex, which also was reflected in her change of dress and performance.

More and more she began wearing less and less clothes in her videos, performances, and simple appearances. By her sixth album she truly embodied the title of her third album, Good Girl Gone Bad, releasing one of her top hits “S&M” in which she discusses her interest and enjoyment of sadomasochism, bondage, and fetishes. She even went further by telling Rolling Stone, “I like to take charge, but I love to be submissive … being submissive in the bedroom is really fun. You get to be a little lady, to have somebody be macho and in charge.” This showed that Rihanna was becoming really open with her sexuality, not afraid to share with her audiences what she likes to do in bed…or wherever she prefers to get down.

Let’s take a moment to talk about Rihanna’s movement in her overall performance. As Esquire states, she “doesn’t really dance. She exhibits ‘moves’….altogether it amounts to choreographed oozing.” In many of her videos, concerts, and cover photos that she poses in, Rihanna makes it a priority to be sex. As soon as her performance begins, her hands are everywhere. She grabs her own ass and as Esquire states “she handles it, offers it.” She becomes one with her body as she rubs her hands down her body, caresses her breasts, and settles her hands in between her thighs. What is she trying to do—get off on stage? And in a couple of her concerts, she picked out a member of the audience to straddle onstage in front of hundreds of people bringing her line “do you right here while the whole world’s watching” to real lusty life.

With all of this said and done, Rihanna has claimed that she doesn’t know what being the essence of fuck means. When speaking with Oprah she said she doesn’t think about these kind of things, and being named with such a title is not in her goals. But how can this even be remotely true? In many of her songs we know that Rihanna is aware of her sexuality and of those who she is trying to appeal to. And it seems fairly obvious that Rihanna does her best to try to be sexy in all aspects of her performance as a musician, making the fact that she’s “unaware” of this title extremely contradicting.  “Everything Rihanna does is about sex and everything she does involves sex,” said Alyssa, a sophomore. Jairo, a senior, agreed. “She tries to be sexy in everything—her music, her videos, and her performances,” he said.

So maybe Rihanna needs to cut the bullshit. If you’re gonna be sexy Rihanna then embrace it to the fullest. Dry hump fans onstage, sing your dirtiest desires in your songs, pose naked for magazines, or do whatever you like to do but don’t shy away from what defines your style when it’s convenient. Be the essence of fuck.

What do you think of Rihanna? Share your thoughts below, or tweet @jerkmagazine.

In a hotel ballroom in Boston on Jan. 4, a crowd of 250 members of the American Dialect Society and the Linguistic Society of America voted on the Word of the Year. Meant to capture the spirit of the past 11 months and nod to Americans’ linguistic ingenuity, the winning word should represent an aspect of American culture borne of 2012 and likely to endure for years to come. The official winner this year: #hashtag.

#Hashtag’s victory highlights Twitter’s eminent place in American society. It’s a forum for sharing information, following events as they unfold, making offensive jokes, and spouting ill-informed political ideas. But of the millions—maybe billions—of hashtags, one is the most annoying: #subtweet. Subtweeting, or referring to someone without using his or her name or Twitter handle, is the 2012 way to talk publicly about foes behind their backs. Subtweets can theoretically be good or bad, but most often they are malicious, petty, and passive-aggressive. A perfect example, plucked from Twitter’s #subtweet page: “Bitch you might be popular, but everyone still hates you.” The casual Twitter browser—like me—ponders the identity of this “popular” chick, why everyone supposedly hates her, and how she offended the subtweeter. At first glance, the tweet appears arbitrary and useless. However, the insidiousness of the subtweet lies in its nuance. First, Twitter won’t notify the subject of this tweet because of her absent Twitter handle. But if she notices the tweet by chance, she might just recognize herself as the popular bitch everyone hates. Second, at least some of the subtweeter’s 309 followers will know whom the tweet references.

This makes for a delicious inside, but simultaneously public, joke. It’s like a gaggle of middle school girls laughing and pointing at you from across the lunchroom. Ask yourself, “Are they making fun of me?” Of course they are, but like most cowardly bullies, middle school queen bees and subtweeters won’t tease you outright. They vent their aggression but avoid direct confrontation, liberating them from accountability and sidestepping the need for mature conflict resolution. Middle school politics aside, in-person conflict resolution might be a dying art. In 1999, two psychologists at Yale University found that effective negotiation, cooperation, and true problem solving depend on face-to-face contact. They worried that talking on the phone undermined interpersonal communication. Fourteen years later, when a subtweet can travel from someone’s devilish mind, through the smartphone at his or her fingertips, and onto the Internet in a matter of seconds, worrying about the telephone limiting face-to-face communication seems ridiculous. Nowadays, making a phone call shows politeness—if not downright intimacy—and dealing with issues in person is rare indeed.

Basking in the glow of our computer screens or gazing lovingly at our smartphones, we fire off every smartass comment and ill-conceived idea that pops into our heads. If someone else suffers, and if we don’t even have the nerve to mention our victims directly, all the better! An impenetrable fortress of digital anonymity protects us, right? Hardly. At the end of the day, when my Samsung Galaxy dies, I toss around in bed unable to sleep because the backlit computer screen ruined my circadian rhythm. The nectar of online vengeance doesn’t taste so sweet.

By Kenneth Jones,Photo by Ilana Goldmeier

Flower, we have to know, what’s your favorite? 

My favorite flower is a gerbera daisy. I used to be a florist—that’s how I got the name.

How many T-shirts do you own?

Close to a thousand, probably. I have bins at my mother’s house she’s begging me to take to the Salvation Army. I’d say 75 to 80 percent are all just black, but my closet is just compiled of T-shirts. I go through them everyday, and I’m like, “Wow I’ve never even worn this shirt before.”

Have you thought about bartending like the lovely ladies in Coyote Ugly?

I don’t know how good I’d look in short shorts, but I’ll get on the bar if there’s some pretty ladies that want me to. I won’t shake my ass, but I’ll throw some shots down their throats if that’s what they like.

Is there a record for riding the bull?

Yes, the record is “topless is the best way.”

You, topless?

Hey, whatever floats your fancy—I’m not really into that. I have ridden the bull, actually, but I don’t anymore. Once, twice, three times is enough.

What’s your best bar story?

I’ve seen girls with miniskirts get on the bull with no underwear on. It’s like, you knew you were going to get on that bull when you came out tonight, and yet you decided to wear a miniskirt with no underwear. Some people just don’t care.

What actions will never get you served?

Snapping, banging on the bar, calling me, saying “hey” or “yo.” Basically being rude or waving money in my face. People have to understand that everyone comes in all at once, and you have to be patient. I’m not your pet, don’t snap or bang at me, or whistle. It’s just rude.

Words of wisdom from behind the bar?

Continue to come to Chuck’s. Keep on doing what you’re doing and continue to be good people. Keep your face out of your cellphones and talk to each other more than you do. Generation cellphone-face is getting kind of old. When you’re at the bar, talk to the bartender, talk to the people around you. You can tweet and text and Facebook later. That’s it.

By Joelle Hyman, Photos by Brandon Weight
Created by Emma Gregg
Modeled by Emma Gregg & Ty Cothren

In high school, I bought a pair of classic Vans slip-ons whiter than Hilary Duff’s veneers. Ashley Olsen sported the same pair on a venture to Starbucks with a silk Prada turban and a pair of jean shorts that looked more like a denim diaper. The only difference between my pair and Ashley’s? Hers looked loved, worn and scuffed around the rubber platforms like she had attended some booze-infested bonfire. But then I remembered she was an Olsen and not a classmate, so she probably just walked through some mud at Coachella. After four years, my sneakers got the wear and tear I first admired on Olsen, and I didn’t even have to run from the cops.

I’ve stamped the death certificate on my Vans more than once, from hailing a cab in a rain curtain so thick it looked like a TLC music video to a Mayfest blackout. This time, I’m requesting a revival in the form of a new coat. As much as I would like to drape my Vans in a metallic Burberry trench, spray paint will have to suffice. You may not be Curtis Kulig when it comes to getting that drippy “Love Me” splattered across some brick building on the Bowery, but this DIY requires a little less precision and a lot more freedom. At the very least, channel your inner toddler attempting to use a set of Blow Pens.

Second chances don’t always work out for the best (see: leg warmers, crimped hair, and denim skirts), but I think Ashley Olsen would agree that everyone deserves a second visit to the arena. If she hadn’t gotten one, she would be still be wearing sweater sets instead of designing them.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Factmag.com

By Shea Garner

Next time you’re on the quad, take a look at our diverse student body and you’re guaranteed to spot a whole lotta Ray Bans and faux-leather jackets. Hell, I own Ray Bans and a faux-leather jacket. And as the new Strokes album Comedown Machine, out today, pumps through my headphones, I can’t help but think how much our indie subculture owes to The Strokes. Julian Casablancas and his band exude swagger, and basically defined the rebelliousness of young adulthood in the early 2000s. “Fuck yeah, that’s rock n’ roll,” I thought, watching a kid snuff out a cigarette with his combat boots at the bus stop, as Albert Hammond Jr.’s signature guitar licked my eardrum.

Google a picture of Julian Casablancas. He probably looks like he just got out of bed— his eyes masked by a pair of dark shades hidden behind his long greasy hair. He looks strung out, like he clearly doesn’t give a shit, and that’s because he doesn’t. But that’s what makes him, and The Strokes, so damn cool. “I didn’t take no shortcuts/ I spent the money that I saved up/ Aw mama runnin’ outta luck/ But like my sister don’t give a fuck,” he sings on “Barely Legal,” from their landmark 2001 debut Is This It. Their sound, full of raw guitars paired with Casablancas’ lo-fi vocals, is unmistakable. But The Strokes, much like some modern US version of The Beatles, weren’t just building a sound— they were building a brand.

But, like The Beatles or any band that achieved instantaneous success and acclaim, they weren’t without their issues. They signed one of the biggest independent contracts in rock history, a five-album deal with RCA, before even releasing their first album. That’s a long time and lot of records to commit to before knowing what the band really was…or what it could be. And after putting out their sophomore album Room On Fire in 2003, critics began questioning whether or not they were confined to their own sound. So what did The Strokes do? They began experimenting.

Their subsequent albums, 2006’s First Impressions of Earth and the 2011 “comeback” record Angles, expanded their sound and aesthetic to mixed reactions. The same naysayers that claimed they were confined to their sound wanted the old Strokes back. After a five-year break and various side projects, rumors grew of tension within the group. Reports even claimed Casablancas refused to show up to any of the Angles sessions with the band, recording his vocals separately. Maybe the pressure of indecisive critics and fans was finally getting to them. But these guys refuse to conform and have redefined their sound (yielding the best results in years) on Comedown Machine.

Casablancas rightfully joked on Twitter that they almost named the album “Rollerbladin’,” and for good reason. The 80s influence on the record is strong, with funky bass and bouncy synths. Casablancas even experiments with a high-pitched falsetto on the single “One Way Trigger.” The album features some of their best songs to date and feels like a more complete body of sound after the scattershot Angles. The infectious lyrics on “Welcome to Japan” and rhythmic guitar plucking on “Tap Out” reflect The Strokes’ first era of innovation. Comedown Machine marks the end of their monumental contract with RCA and certainly leaves the listener wondering about the future of the band. With a media blackout surrounding the record and no current plans to tour, could this be the end The Strokes? I’m not sure, but I’d be lying if I said Comedown Machine doesn’t encourage me to grow out my locks—Casablancas style.

What are your thoughts on The Strokes? Let us know in the comments below, or on Twitter @jerkmagazine.

“I wonder if my presence disrespects the game, I’m shooting for change.

You’re still aiming the same. Red rider out on the range, I’m still pulling that lone wolf shit like I used to when I was a kid.”

Meet Attaboy, the genius behind these lyrics. Attaboy doesn’t seem like the conventional musician. He’s not typical— period. In fact, he’s a superhero. Yes, walking among the swarm of frat stars, hipsters, and orange clad students is a self-proclaimed superhero.

Decked in his distinguishable eared hat and goggles, Attaboy more often bewilders people than earns their trust on the topic of career advice. So to even begin to understand Attaboy, his projects, and future ambitions, one must get to know Evan Bujold—the man behind the goggles.

“Attaboy struck me as a heroic name. It’s quirky and fun, but there’s a congratulatory aspect to the name. I think some people will go to the name and be like who’s this asshole, giving himself a pat on the back or something, when really it’s a reason to be humble,” Bujold says. The multi-talented grad student created Renaissance Academy Records (RAR): a record label to help others reach professional goals by networking and building on collective talents.

Bujold is an illustration major in the M.F.A. program within VPA, a musician, and an entrepreneur. By combining these skills, he becomes Attaboy—a local hero.

“Part of Attaboy’s persona is to just do it, so I rolled out of bed one morning and started putting together the base. I just like to meet people and get to know them individually and get to know what they want out of life,” Bujold says.

Upon earning a degree in digital arts and sciences from Clarkson University, Bujold faced every student’s greatest fear: unemployment. Almost all of his friends graduated college only to face a looming heap of student debts and job uncertainty.

“And to me, that’s pitiful,” he says.

So began the creation of Attaboy, a character Bujold conceived in a series of comics he had been illustrating. Inspired by the character’s ability to go after whatever he desired, Bujold took on the persona and began constructing RAR.

The Dark Ages represent the country’s steep unemployment rates and suffocating loads of student debt that young adults are struggling to overcome. In a time when even the President occasionally admits despair, only a superhero can offer relief—one who’s willing to turn modern economic deathtraps like music and art into something lucrative and respectable.

Music, art, and science. These are the three forces behind RAR. “My philosophy is that that’s all people ever really care about, and those are the only things that really ever gets us anywhere are these three realms of thought,” Bujold says.

This creates a network of people with different talents who can combine their skills to produce various projects that promote each individual’s capabilities. Where scientists might not have an eye for design, artists can come in with a vision that can make the science marketable.

One of RAR’s biggest accomplishments using that logic was the four-day Rock the Cosmos music festival. The concert was designed to raise awareness about the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), and it’s underfunded. “Rock the Cosmos was about bringing people together to highlight the fact that there is this problem. NASA is basically what funds our future,” Bujold says. From December 3 to 6, 2012 at the Spark Contemporary Art Space, local bands and musicians played for Syracuse residents and students to rekindle an admiration for NASA’s great contribution to our rapidly advancing world of technology. The event was a multitude of talents organized by the RAR team. The lights, the planning, the performances—everything that went into Rock the Cosmos, RAR did.

To simply donate the concert’s profits to NASA would make little difference. “I am just one guy, NASA is probably thousands of people with billions of dollars at their disposal so I had to find a way to help them that only I can do,” says Bujold. Instead, Bujold has begun to create a project that will make an impact in the field of science in the future. He is working on developing a display in the local science museum, the MOST, that will encourage children to pursue a career in science. “Some bright-eyed kid would go to the science museum and be like, ‘This is cool and there’s a real-life superhero in Syracuse that loves science so I’m going to go into the stem fields,’” Bujold says.

Part of what makes RAR so successful is Bujold’s ability to multitask several projects, all of which have completely different goals and appeals. RAR Girls, a promotional effort created by Bujold and partner Destynee Raines, acts as a business springboard for female entrepreneurs. “It is a place for these girls to showcase their writings, their music, or whatever they want,” says Bujold. One member of RAR Girls, Courtnee Futch promotes her successful dessert-making business Thundercakes on RAR Girls—creating buzz for both the blog and business.

With success stories like these under his belt, Bujold strives to help his clients as best he can without succumbing to the bureaucratic methods that paralyzes so many people’s ambitions. “If someone wants to go and work for Pixar or Dreamworks they can go do that. But they will at least know that someone wasn’t trying to nickel and dime them straight out of the gates,” Bujold says.

According to Bujold, the concept behind the networking techniques of RAR is called nash equilibrium. Nash equilibrium is a concept of a game theory where the optimal outcome of a game is one where no player has an incentive to deviate from his or her chosen strategy after considering an opponent’s choice. Overall, an individual can receive no cumulative benefit from changing actions—assuming other players remain constant in their strategies. Basically, no one loses.

“That’s what I really enjoy about my idea. If someone on the other end of the earth came up with the same exact idea, we would not get in each others way because we stand for promoting something that is beyond just a single person,” Bujold says.

Bujold also records his own music under his superhero persona, Attaboy. “I used to be just a sad, little guitar player. I went through a bad breakup in high school, and so the music has gone from being very depressing and rinky-dink. As soon as I took on the Attaboy persona, my music took a turn. The music has become more lyrically heavy, it’s become more positive, but with an aggressive attitude,” Bujold says. His music addresses his listeners directly with questions of how they perceive their lives, and why “[they] have any excuse to belay [their] own happiness.”

His intense lyrics create a powerful punch, juxtaposing his cheerful guitar melodies with lines such as “It’s like ‘I’m harnessing something that most would consider great, and all I know is it keeps me up late having sex with my hate, turmoil, trauma, I’ve taken them all on a date and the only one I never called back was that bitch ‘how to be fake.’”

Bujold identifies himself as an anti-folk guitar player. The title was given to him as an undergraduate freshman when playing guitar in a Potsam record store named Strawberry Fields.

“I play intricate riffs but play punk style rhythm and the words and lyrics on top of that are very middle finger to the system. I don’t like music like Bruno Mars’ ‘Grenade.’ Nobody should be out saying sad shit like that, she’s up on the balcony nailing some other dude so why would you throw yourself under a bus for that?”Bujold says.

Bujold is also in a band with Raines entitled Late Earth. The sound of Late Earth contrasts that of Attaboy’s individual work. Raines and Bujold identify Late Earth as “ska,” a music genre that originated in Jamaica in the late 1950s. Ska was the precursor to rocksteady and reggae, with combined elements of Caribbean mento and calypso with American jazz and R&B. The band’s sound is greatly similar to Attaboy’s lifestyle: upbeat and energized, building up to a whirlwind of different beats and musical components.

Attaboy was recently nominated for a SAMMY award, the Syracuse music people’s choice awards. His superhero persona is contagious—everyone wants a piece of Attaboy.

“You know that scene in Jaws where the guy is standing in front of the camera and he realizes that there’s a shark offshore and the background gets really far away but he stays there? That happened when I found out I was nominated for a SAMMY. I put the ears on and started doing pushups,” Bujold says.

Like Bujold’s commanding and powerful presence, his message through his music leaves a powerful punch. His statement is simple: be bold, be yourself, and don’t be afraid to kick some ass.

He drives this message with resonating lyrics: “I’d rather sprout from the trash than wither on a shelf, I inspect myself, and though the pages are in no particular order the story respects itself.

I dropped my USB flash drive in the snow the other day. A year or two ago, I would have panicked—that little magic stick carried my entire digital life. But this time, I didn’t even break a sweat. Water can no longer damage my docs—they all safely float on the cloud.

When USBs launched into the computer market in 2001, the amount of storage space on a drive seemed absolutely ginormous compared to the 1.44 MB floppy that came before it. Entry-level USBs had over 128 MB: not only could you store the final draft of your book report on Holes, you could store the first and second drafts, too.

Fast forward a few years and USB drives were the main method of storing and transferring documents. Sizes had increased dramatically (4 GB became the norm), and you could purchase your own memory stick at WalMart for $14.99. These bad boys held a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother, and the 300 grainy, out-of- focus pictures you took in the basement of DKE on Saturday.

But a recent invention chopped down the proverbial rainforest and changed the tech ecosystem forever. Our plastic buddy’s heart monitor shows a steady line while the white and puffy assassin looks down.

You’ve probably heard the term “cloud” and most likely use it on a daily basis. Hilariously, nobody really understands what the cloud actually is. Ask an IT guy,

and he’ll start to explain. But you’ll tune him out in five seconds and start thinking about that funny cat picture you tweeted a couple seconds ago.

The great part about USB drives, though, was that we did understand. You could physically hold your data.Your files lived on a device that you could put in your pocket, throw in your bag, or forget in the Kimmel computer cluster after printing out a syllabus. Creative companies would manufacture drives in the shape of robots, animals, or best of all, bottle openers.You had complete control. Now, with the cloud, you’re at the mercy of the geeks running the servers on the other end, meaning that if Tommy Intern trips over the power cable, you’re screwed until they plug it back in.

Sure, magical services like DropBox or Outlook can save your ass when you forget to print out that psych paper. Sure, most services will give you 5 GB for free, which is infinitely cheaper than the $19.99 you’ll spend at the book store for a plastic drive with Otto’s face plastered all over it. And sure, cloud services automatically create backups of your files, and conveniently allow you to access them on your computer or mobile phone. But with a USB drive you can still access your files when AirOrangeX is being a pain in the ass.*

*This article almost didn’t make it into the issue because the writer couldn’t connect to the cloud on AirOrangeX.

By Jessica Smith, Illustration by Sasha Pincus

President Obama’s national health care policy, the Affordable Health Care Act, mandates that everyone must have a radio-frequency identification chip (RFID) implanted by March 23, 2013—or else. According to the Internet, this looming ultimatum is a non-negotiable contingency of Obamacare, or rather, H.R. 3962. And of course, the Internet is never wrong.

Nevermind the constraints of this country’s staggering debts, or the logistics of the government sneaking into people’s homes and implanting RFIDs against their will. And while we’re at it, hell, let’s pretend that little thing called “freedom” isn’t a concrete cornerstone of this nation’s very existence. Because that’s what you would need to dismiss to believe that the ruler of the free world would forcibly track you like Amazon tracks packages.

Regardless of the painfully obvious fact that this conspiracy is a monumental heap of horse pucky, a solid contingent of Americans exist who are irrevocably certain that this seemingly sci-fi provision is more fact than fiction. The worst part? The text from the actual bill is what convinced them.

The heralds of this theory point to a provision of the bill that allows the secretary of state to develop a national registry of implanted devices as evidence of this malicious mandate. But when the provision is read in its proper context by someone who’s not debilitatingly paranoid, it’s clear that it has no malicious underbelly. This is only one of several facets of the bill that seem to support these theories though. While these ideas are not based in fact or in logic, they are enabled by the convoluted language used to write legislation.

H.R. 3962 is a 1,990-page document with countless sections and subsections written in obscure legal jargon. The document is so expansive that if an easily swindled American was told that one tidbit of the bill implied that the government mandated RFID implants, it would not be entirely unrealistic for the gullible individual to believe it.

As much as I support conscientious, contextual reading and comprehension, these paranoid masses cannot be entirely to blame for their own ignorance.

This raises two pet peeves of mine. The first, an absence of digital literacy. The issue of individuals’ pitifully poor ability to analyze what they find on the Web will solve itself in due time. This will either be because of the continued emergence of digital natives, or the creation of tools like Truth Goggles. (If you haven’t heard of Truth Goggles, it’s a tool that determines how factual a web document is, and I highly recommend you check it out, so you don’t accidentally create a bogus conspiracy theory that goes viral.)

The bigger issue, though, is the lack of true government transparency, due to the fogginess of legal writing. It’s one thing to have the wool pulled over your eyes; it’s another to have the wool pulled over your eyes because of the complexity of a factual document. The laws that we pass, and the ways that we pass them, need to be comprehensible to the average citizen. The site opencongress.org takes a nice swing at bat with this by opening dialogue on certain bills and providing ancillary information. But it still does little to interpret the verbose vacuum of the actual legislation. For Americans to truly be active participants in this great nation’s democracy, the way legislation is written must change.

Kisses in my text inbox. Crying faces about the jokes on Twitter. Googly eyes in the comments section on Instagram. Emoji have invaded the digital social sphere as the new form of expression for our generation. They show what words and punctuation marks just can’t. To meet our never-ending demand, Apple has introduced an insane number of options: humans, lipstick, office supplies, cheeseburger, and nearly anything else (my favorite: a smiling pile of shit).

Smartphone users expect their apps to be tailored to their needs, so unsurprisingly, they love emoji they can identify with. Apple includes emoji that resemble males and females of different age groups, and even recently introduced gay and lesbian couples in the iOS 6 software upgrade, an addition which “reflects reality” as TechCrunch editor, John Biggs, puts it.

But what’s wrong with “reality” when it comes to racial diversity? As of now, Apple has created emoji for Caucasians, Asians, Hispanics, and those who wear turbans. There’s even a European military dude with a tall furry hat (wait, maybe he’s a drum major?). Yet, somehow, the darker-skinned people of the world didn’t make the cut.

Not only did Apple overlook more than two billion people, but the company has given a blatant “fuck you” to all of us asking for an explanation. Okay, Apple didn’t actually respond with an expletive. Rather, the company didn’t respond at all. Apple decided to not even acknowledge the issue that has been the topic of many online discussions since the latest update.

When Sephora started a mini-campaign on Twitter that pushed Apple to include more colors for the nail polish emoji, Miley Cyrus responded with her own 140- character crusade. She urged Apple to include emoji that represented black people, using the hashtag #emojiethnicityupdate. However, Apple ignored poor Miley’s musings and everyone who agreed with her. All the company issued was a whole lot of silence on the issue.

So yeah, it sucks. Without even a response to move forward from, we’re stuck with stereotypical representations of some races, and none at all for others. I guess, for now, all of us black people will just have to deal with those cheesy yellow smileys. JM

Surrounded by a crowd of Georgia State University (GSU) students, angry motorists, and officers from the Atlanta Police Department and the Georgia State Police Department, six undocumented youth activists from across the nation dropped a banner from the university bridge walkway onto Courtland Street—a busy one-way street in Atlanta—in April 2011. One of the biggest and most elaborate political actions in the immigrant youth justice movement, the activists protested Georgia Regents ban of undocumented youth, which barred illegal residents from the top five competitive universities in the state. They marched around the banner wearing graduation caps—representing the 65,000 undocumented high school graduates thriving in the United States today.

Arrested first, Georgina Perez, a former GSU student, led the controversial action. Over a year later, Perez has found a new home at Syracuse Univeristy. As the now 23-year-old junior sits in Goldstein Student Center, she loads a YouTube video of the day’s whirlwind events. Unease arises as she plays the clip. “I don’t watch these videos,” she says, “I feel very uncomfortable.” She watches an officer place her in handcuffs among a crowd of flashing photographers. She sits still, reliving the day her voice, once silenced as an illegal alien, released a defiant roar.

Her journey from just one of 11 million undocumented immigrants in the U.S. to a leading radical activist in Atlanta, Ga. began when Perez’s single mother brought her to Los Angeles, Calif. illegally in 1992. Like most Mexican immigrants, her mother was searching for better opportunities. “She used to work days at a factory, making scrunchies so that she could provide for us,” Perez says. The pair made their way to Georgia on June 23, 2001. “I remember the exact day because it was complete culture shock,” she says. “I cried when I came to Georgia. I hated the quiet.”

Amidst the upheaval, Perez clung tightly to her lifelong dream of attending college. After excelling in high school, GSU accepted her, but the reality of living without the rights and privileges of a legal U.S. citizen set in fast. Restricted from any state financial aid, Georgina took one semester off to work full-time and enrolled in classes the next. But her hard work came to an abrupt end: the enactment of the Georgia Regents ban of undocumented youth on Oct. 13, 2010 barred Perez from enrolling for another semester. “I was completely heartbroken, because the only reason I wanted to finish school was for my mom,” she says.

According to Kevin R. Johnson, dean and Mabie-Apallas Pprofessor of public interest law and Chicana/o studies at the University of California at Davis School of Law, the ban represents a long line of policies implemented by states like Alabama and Georgia that deny undocumented students access to higher education. “It’s a troubling development because these youths came here as children,” Johnson says. “We provided them with a K through 12 education, and we invested in them, and then we’re cutting them off from any further investment and any further benefit they can do to the American economy.” Johnson, who also runs ImmigrationProf, a blog dedicated to immigration law continues, “It’s short sighted to deny students who have staked a claim here and can contribute here access on the same terms as other residents to public universities.”

The blow left Perez wounded but not broken. “I never doubted that I would graduate from my high school,” she says. “I never had a second thought of ‘Maybe one day.’ No, I was going to go to college. That was set.” Perez transformed her desperation into full-blown activism, using anger as an outlet for change. “I said ‘Fine, I’ll just organize whatever. I don’t need school.’ So that’s where I got a lot of my experience, through community organizing and doing civil disobedience actions,” Perez explains. Today, surrounded by SU students chatting across tables and textbooks, Perez rubs the dark circles under her eyes after a night of intense studying. She looks through her résumé on her laptop. The list points out fragments of Perez’s life spent on the frontlines of action: graduated from high school in May 2007, became a full-time worker at the Georgia Latino Alliance for Human Rights (GLAHR) in January 2011, created the Georgia Undocumented Youth Alliance (GUYA) in April 2011, arrested that same month, accepted into Freedom University in 2011, and enrolled at Syracuse University in 2012.

The road to Freedom University, an organization created by five professors at the University of Georgia (UGA) months after Perez’s Courtland Street rally, is most significant among Perez’s long list of exhaustive political efforts—one that would eventually hand her the education she desperately fought for. Formed in 2011 in Athens, Ga., Freedom University serves undocumented students, and was named after the alternative free schools created during the civil rights movement in the 1960s for African-American students. As one of the first cohorts of 40 students invited to attend the organization’s weekly college-level Sunday courses, which cover subjects from Latin American history to literature, Perez finally received a free chance at an education. Betina Kaplan, a Spanish professor at UGA, and one of Freedom University’s founders, observed Perez’s hardened perspective on immigrant rights, as well as her admirable sense of dignity during the organization’s first meeting. “I remember in the first meeting, one student from Athens, after listening to Georgina, said, ‘You know I really want to be like you,’ and my thought in the meeting was ‘Me too,’” Kaplan says. “When I grow up I want to be just like Georgina.”

After spending months in the Freedom University classroom, the organization’s expansive board of advisors, including Pulitzer Prize-winning author Junot Díaz and professors from Yale and Brown, offered Perez a new opportunity. From 2011 to 2012, Freedom University transfered students from their makeshift classroom to the hallways of accredited schools across the nation. Chandra Mohanty, a women’s and gender studies professor at SU and an active member of Freedom University’s board of advisors, successfully transferred three students to SU, including Perez.

As a dual major in Latin American studies and women’s and gender studies, Perez feels a million miles away from the political turmoil in Georgia that brought her here, but daily Facebook updates of deportation alerts, lower-priority cases, and unjustifiable detainments keep her in the loop. Last month, the case of Miguel Antonio, a detained father, remained at the top of her feed, along with a number for an Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agent and a ready-made script asking for Antonio’s release. “Can you please make a 30-second call on behalf of Miguel?” it read. Days after he was released, Perez posted a celebratory status.

Cases like Antonio’s influenced Perez’s final project for her Latina feminist theories class, something she hoped would inspire activism at SU. Months earlier, she shares her own plight with the class. The tenth person to speak, she shifts slightly and moves forward in her desk chair as she clasps her hands. With her brown hair pulled tightly into a bun, she smiles. “Hey guys, my name is Georgina Perez and I, um, actually forgot to bring something in,” professor Jackie Cuevas quickly mouths a silent “It’s okay” two seats down.

“But I’m actually wearing a shirt that’s kind of like a cultural artifact,” she says. “It kind of represents, I guess, all of this.” She motions across the white graphic letters juxtaposed against her black T-shirt.

Two days before, Cuevas asked the class to bring in a cultural artifact which represented a personal journey. So far, 10 students have become five-minute storytellers, relaying stories about Mami’s homecooked paella and holding up tribal-printed pencil cases reminiscent of traditional garbs seen in old family photos. Their voices quiver in the midst of their life stories, and the watchful silence breaks into occasional sighing, squeaky chair shifting, and chin-in-hand dozing off.

Perez moves forward to show the letters on her black T-shirt. The words “I am undocumented,” broken apart syllable by syllable lay across her chest.

While her classmates were moved by her journey, her outspoken attitude about activism remains at odds with much of the SU student body. With her past rooted in activism, it’s difficult connecting with peers who cannot understand the political upheaval that defines her life. “I don’t think people care. I don’t think I get anything out of it. With the students here? I don’t think they really care,” Perez says.

According to Mohanty, Perez’s lack of connection with fellow classmates makes sense. For an undocumented student like Perez, activism is life. For most other students, life is defined by complacency. “I feel like Georgina is one of those people who have to be tough in order to make it here, because this place is not set up for supporting students like her,” Mohanty says. “It’s not like you could just go to a sorority, because people don’t get where you’re from or what you’re doing, especially if you’re an activist around these issues.”

Kaplan thinks there’s a distinct difference between UGA and Freedom University students. “They have a very clear idea of why they are in class, which is quite different from students in regular four-year universities. They know what they have to lose if they are not in class,” Kaplan says. Perez credits the success of the April 2011 Atlanta demonstration with precise planning. The group confused authorities for hours. “They fucked up because they didn’t know who could touch us,” she says. With hired lawyers on hand, extensive research on immigrant laws, and an unwavering attitude towards ICE agents while detained, Perez outsmarted the resistance. “It lasted for hours because they were freaking out. They didn’t know what to do,” Perez says with a smile and a shrug. Given the combination of fearless, tactful organizing by a nationwide network of youth-led groups, including GUYA, the potential for groundbreaking change lies in the hands of DREAMers, dedicated allies, and foot soldiers like Perez “Without grassroots pressure, President Obama and Congress are unlikely to enact any meaningful immigration reform, but the activists can’t work alone,” says César Cuauhtémoc García Hernández, assistant professor at the Capital University Law School and creator of the popular blog crImmigration. “They have to have legislators who are willing to listen to what the activists are telling them to do.”

With the June 15, 2012 enactment of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA), which promises that the government will not deport an immigrant for two years after the application is accepted. A permanent change in legislation for undocumented students across the nation may be within reach. Even with news of the Obama administration granting 154,404 DACA applications as of January Perez remains unfazed by the political change. “When I started to get involved, I did everything by law like signing petitions, writing letters—all that shit. When I saw all these senators not give a shit about us, democratic or republican, that’s when I realized, ‘Fuck this,’” Perez says.

Whether or not a change in undocumented youth policies will pass in the next year, Perez remains dedicated to finding justice for students living on the border of educational rights. As she re-watches the YouTube clip of her arrest in Goldstein her discomfort lightens as she begins to smile. “That’s the banner on the ground. See?” she asks. “It’s the crosswalk from the dining center to main campus, so everyone uses it.” She pauses, and then lets out a small laugh.

“Man, I was so good at this. I picked the place. I picked it out perfectly.”

Between a large Celtic cross and the world’s only upside-down traffic light lies a pub that welcomes humans and little green men alike. Complete with a tiny leprechaun door and miniature telephone booth, Coleman’s, an authentic Irish pub on Tipperary Hill, feels like a slice of Dublin. Merry Irish music plays as pub-goers drink and chat, surrounded by dark wood paneling and stained-glass windows of Celtic symbols. While most visitors admire the leprechaun entryway, some quasi-criminals have stolen the miniature door, which costs more than its full-sized replica.

“Oh, this building takes a beating,” laughs Adrian Nugent, Coleman’s general manager, who has worked there since emigrating from Ireland 26 years ago. Originally a grocery store, the Coleman family converted the building into a bar in 1933 at the end of Prohibition and still operate the place today. The pub’s notoriety isn’t confined to Syracuse though, boasting visitors that range from a former Speaker of the House to an Irish Prime Minister.

For locals, Coleman’s is the go-to spot for St. Patrick’s Day. Festivities begin with the annual shipment of green beer three weeks before the holiday (an occasion marked by a neighborhood-wide parade). And it’s never too early to get drunk at Coleman’s: stop by the pub as early as 6 a.m. on St. Patty’s Day, but prepare to wait in a line of over 200 people.

On a typical Thursday night, simple guitar chords fill the air as a live band warms up. Customers huddle in booths and around barstools, bantering with fellow patrons. A gentleman wearing a gray bowler hat and tie emblazoned with clocks approaches two random women in the corner. “Is it your first time here?” he asks before delving into stories about Syracuse’s history. As he walks away, the woman smiles at her friend—every Irish pub has its regulars. “It’s all about the people here,” Nugent says. “They keep this place going.”

By Melia Robinson, Photos by Trevor Zalkand

A fierce game of Kings unfolds among friends in a Clarendon Street house on a Friday night. A thin blonde draws a 10-card from the deck splayed across the cramped dining room table. “Yes! Categories,” she says, placing the card face up. She taps her unpainted fingernails on her lips as the others cradle glasses of rosé wine and chat about the next day’s camping trip. The female SUNY-ESF students present wear jeans, chunky wool sweaters, weatherproof fleeces, and slivers of eyeliner. ” Latin names of animals,” she announces.

“Nooooooo,” the group moans.

“Too broad. The game would go on forever,” Kialey Day, a senior natural history major and president of their SUNY-ESF club, Primitive Pursuits, says. “Just mammals,” someone suggests.

“Of North America!” another adds.

A guy wears a black T-shirt emblazoned with the logo of the Wilderness Awareness School, which offers a nine-month survival program on the West Coast. Scratching a patch of scruff on his upper lip he begins, “Canis latrans.” They continue in a counter-clockwise motion.

“Vulpes vulpes.”

“Odocoileus virginianus.”

“Procyon lotor.”

“What is that?” asks Emilie Rigby, a junior environmental and watershed science major, whose overgrown auburn pixie cut gives her the appearance of a wood nymph. “Raccoon,” Day says.

“Prooo-see-yawn lotooor,” Ribgy exhales. “That’s a sexy name!” Their giggles drown out Florence and the Machine playing in the background, ending the round of cards.

Ian Skor, a senior forest engineering major and the lone male officer of Primitive Pursuits, draws another card from the deck. Skor brushes chestnut hair away from his eyes and says, “King. Never Have I Ever.” Everyone lifts three fingers as Rigby, embarrassed, looks away.

“Never have I ever … climbed a tree,” she whispers. Her admission elicits wails from the group.

“What?” someone says. “But you go to ESF. ”

“We’ll change that when we go camping this weekend,” Day offers as she drops a finger.

“Never have I ever eaten roadkill,” another student says. Five fingers slump.

Primitive Pursuits members represent the earthiest, crunchiest brand of SUNY-ESF students. They call themselves feral humans, like “wild children” raised by wolves, or grizzly mountain-men opposed to bathing. In its fourth year at the college, the club promotes connecting with the wilderness through practicing subsistence activities that provide the bare essentials for living. Every Friday these 20 students gather in Oakwood Cemetery or a classroom to learn a new survival technique like constructing shelters, identifying medicinal and edible plants, starting friction fires, preparing animal hides, and making rope and baskets. Their efforts support a revival of hunter-gatherer culture that fuses the simple-living concepts of Walden with the adventure of The Hunger Games.

New York State offers a wide variety of non-profit and privatized educational programming to foster relationships with nature and teach survivalist techniques. Primitive Pursuits frequently teams up with its founding chapter in Ithaca, as well as a local meet-up group for nature enthusiasts—the WayKeeper Primitive Skills School—to build their arsenal of skills. Founded by Jon Harshbarger in 2009, the WayKeeper school provides affordable, semi-monthly workshops for like-minded sportsmen and women in the area. Since then, membership has steadily risen from three participants to 20. According to Harshbarger, skills relating to self-sufficiency in the wilderness have risen in popularity thanks to survival-themed shows like Revolution, Survivorman, and Alaska: The Final Frontier. In anticipation of the movie adaptation of The Hunger Games, bow hunting participation increased 19 percent in 2011, according to the Outdoor Foundation. Trail running, fishing, and hunting topped the list of most popular outdoor activities among adults ages 18 to 24.

“When we look at the land, it’s easy to say the land is broken. But it’s our relationship to the land that’s broken,” says Robin Kimmerer, a SUNY-ESF professor of ethnobotany and the group’s adviser. “Primitive activities are a wonderful way to re-establish that bond.”

In October, the WayKeeper school welcomed novices and experts alike, including the SUNY-ESF club, to learn various survival skills—from building a simple shelter made of resources found in the woods, to fleshing a deer hide, the process of stripping an animal of its excess tissue after skinning.

Photo design by Sara Easterling. Image via Daydreamerdeserts.com

By Nicole Fisher

Ah, peanut butter, the snack of childhood. Growing up, I personally slathered PB on pieces of bread and topped it with slices of bananas. But as I have grown older, my love for peanut butter has grown like the glob stuck to the roof of my mouth. Fortunately, March celebrates the spread’s natural goodness and because of this, I want to share a couple recipes with this protein-packed diet stable. For those of you that are allergic, sorry I am not sorry. More peanut butter for me.

Apple Smiles

Ingredients

Smooth Peanut butter

1 Red Apple, cored and sliced into eighths

Miniature Marshmallows

Directions

- Spread peanut butter on one side of each apple slice

- Place four miniature marshmallows on one apple slice and lay another apple slice, peanut butter side down, on top.

Trick: Squeeze a little bit of lemon juice on the apples if you want to serve and eat them later. It will keep them from turning brown.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Martini

Ingredients

2½ ounces Reese’s Mini Peanut Butter Cup Infused Vodka, recipe below

4 ounces milk

1 teaspoon Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup

4 mini peanut butter Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, for garnish

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Infused Vodka

6 ounces good quality vodka (I used Tito’s)

¼ cup Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

Instructions

- To prepare the infused vodka, combine vodka and Reese’s Mini Peanut Butter Cups in a clean mason jar. Close jar tightly and store in a cool dry place for 7 days. Give it a good shake once or twice per day.

- Once vodka has been infused, strain into a clean mason jar using a fine mesh sieve or cheese cloth. Store in a cool place or in the freezer.

- To prepare the martini, combine infused vodka, Hershey’s chocolate syrup and milk in a cocktail shaker filled halfway with ice. Shake for 30-40 seconds and pour into two small martini glasses.

- Garnish with Mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

VIDEO: Brandon Weight
EDITOR: Noah Silverstein
STYLIST: Joelle Hyman
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT: Nancy Oganezov
PHOTOGRAPHER: Ilana Goldmeier
HAIR: Sheridonna Wilson-Bedell
MAKEUP: Jessica Wolfe
MODELS: Mary Kate Coonan, Ola Idowu, Amanda Lurie

MUSIC: “Babylon (Oh Snap!! Trap Remix)” – Congorock

HEADER/THUMBNAIL PHOTOGRAPH: designed and photographed by Ilana Goldmeier

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via DCClubbing.com

By Bria Holness

Spring break is when the players come out to play. And it’s no surprise. College students are prone to engage in risky behavior over spring break: hot weather, bathing suits, beaches, alcohol, clubs, parties, and (one of the biggest things) sex. Basically, this behavior has become the norm for college students, developed through movies, TV shows, Girl Gone Wild DVDs, and a variety of other media sources. With all of this, a perception of sexual norms has been created, one where the norms are more lenient on spring break than they are at home or even in a college environment. All in all, this creates a free-for-all where everyone flashes their goodies, hops out of their clothes, and throws themselves at each other for seven days and six nights, only to act like it never happened when it’s the end of the week.

According to Casual Sex on Spring Break: Intentions and Behaviors of Canadian Students, research found that those with a larger number of past sexual partners and erotic cues tend to be more likely to engage in casual sex. The conditions of spring break combine with the prior sexual experiences to increase the likelihood of these risqué behaviors by providing the opportunity to fulfill them in a free setting. Also, a person makes decisions about causal sex based on the norms, thoughts, and beliefs of their peer group.  If the person’s group of friends is consistently encouraging and even pressuring someone into being free and engaging casual sex “because this is the only chance you’ll get,” the more likely a person will do so.

With this in mind, spring break is a time associated with a lot of sex, so if you choose to leave somewhere with someone to go to a more “quiet” place, know that you are giving the impression that you are going to have sex with him or her. Be safe and be smart about where this is going to down. Your room is probably the best bet because it’s your territory. Please do make sure that your friends are not going to walk in on you, however; that’s just embarrassing. If you do decide to go back to his or her place, find out where it is first so that you’re aware of your location. Make sure your cell phone is handy just in case you need to call your friends or your friends need contact you.

If a person has the expectation that they will engage in causal sex on spring break, the more likely they will do so. Given the conditions of the spring break setting, a person will go and seek it out and the truth is, it won’t be that hard to find. But do not have sex with the townies of the area you are staying in. More than likely, these guys wait around for spring break every year to try to have sex with the college girls from in and out of town. These guys are not worth the hassle; find someone who’s in the same boat as you are—a crazy college student on break

This is an obvious but I’ll just throw it out there. No sharing of personal information with people on spring break. They do not need to know things such as your hometown, your social security (that’s a given), or your cell phone number. If this is simply spring break sex, keep it at that and remember you are there only to have fun.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via HerCampus.com

By Emma McAnaw

Everywhere you turn on campus, you will hear the classic conversation: “Why don’t they like me?” The situation is always almost the same; two people meet, things start off great, and then the inevitable period of time when things either remain nice or turn to complete shit. Since we’re in college and encounter at least one shitshow per week, it’s usually the latter. And no matter how many times this happens, we all rack our brains trying to figure out what went wrong. So, to ease your minds here are a few tips on what probably went wrong (again).

We all want someone to like us. The movies and TV shows most of us are watching pound it into our heads that life will be better when someone is in love with us. So, when someone actually comes along, we tackle the opportunity with such aggression that the person is scared off. Don’t be embarrassed, it happens to all of us. But just know that if you freak out on someone for not talking to you in the last ten hours, they will want to run far, far away from you.

We tend to forget that people can’t read our minds. If you want someone to know you like him or her, you need to make that known. A booty call at 2:30 in the morning will not say, “I like you,” it says, “Let’s bang”—two very different things. So when that person stops responding to those late night texts, it is not because they never liked you or are soulless, it’s because you are coming off like a horny douchebag. Surprisingly, not many people are into that. If you want to be respected and liked, put in a little more effort than a drunken text. Sending a text that you don’t even remember sending the next morning is essentially zero effort.

Don’t compare yourself and your person of interest to other couples. If you two just started hooking up, and you’re already expecting to be just like your friend and their significant other, you are going to be sorely disappointed. It takes time for two people to learn about each other, so be patient. No one wants to be in a relationship after just a week of getting to know you, mainly because you’re still strangers. So don’t start wondering why you aren’t obnoxiously in love like the couples you know with the person you just met. Keep in mind that just the other week you wanted to drop kick those couples in the face.

Basically, chill the fuck out. If you two are good together, then it will work out. Life is too short to stress about what someone finds wrong with you. I’ll be uncharacteristically pleasant for a moment and remind you that everyone deserves someone to make you feel special, and that is worth the wait. Eventually we will look back and laugh at all the bullshit we put ourselves through and at the people who were stupid enough to let us go. But in the meantime, relax, admit when you’re wrong about the person you thought you liked, and most importantly (as always) have fun.

What are your thoughts on relationships and hookups? Share them in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Wallpaperpictures.net

By Shea Garner

Ever since the Apollo program in the early 1960s, NASA’s budget has experienced a steady decline. As of 2012, the space program is estimated to have received only 0.48% of the federal budget after the Obama administration issued massive financial cuts. Despite a rover on Mars and an international space station in the sky, NASA is expecting more of these cuts in 2013.

All the financial mumbo-jumbo can definitely dull anyone’s capacity to give a shit about it, but considering a meteor hit Russia in February with the impact of over 20 atomic bombs and injured over 1,200 people, there’s reason to be concerned. And unless we want to continue to be bombarded by space rocks without warning for the next ten years, I suggest an alternative space exploration plan.

The need for a federalized space administration is very important, but with the economy in the toilet it seems less plausible. Those with money and significant interest should be financing the space race. Take Red Bull (of all companies) as the shining example of this. The company whose ads feature a pencil-drawn fairy distributing energy drinks to poor caffeine-deprived souls actually sent a man into space via their privately funded Stratos project and broke two Guinness world records while they were at it (highest and fastest freefall).

Now it looks like a privately planned mission to Mars is also a possibility. By January 2018, the Inspiration Mars Foundation hopes to launch two peeps to Mars and back in 501 days. Shit, the people are getting more done without NASA than the feds could do in fifty years! Soon enough Lockheed Martin might be able to launch an entire assault arsenal into space to defend us from an alien invasion or the inevitable “Armageddon situation.” Bruce Willis, we’re looking at you.

What do you think about NASA’s budget cuts? Are privately funded space missions a step in the right direction? Let us know in the comments section below or by tweeting @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Opticsplanet.com

By Bria Holness

Have you ever heard of cuffin’ as a reference to someone being in a relationship?  Well, if you take a little visit to Urban Dictionary and look up the word cuffin’ the phrase “when you don’t want to share a mate with anyone else” pops up as the first definition. Let’s take a harder look at the word cuffin’ and what it really means.

The term cuffin’ derives from being in handcuffs and was first used to describe when a girl or a guy wouldn’t let their significant other do anything but spend time with them.  This would keep him or her from mingling or “innocently” flirting with anyone else. But as the term evolved it came to refer to being in a relationship, period. Why you may ask? The logic is that once you enter a relationship it’s like putting on handcuffs and being locked away or locked to that one person. Although not everybody uses this term, many look at relationships with a derivative of this connotation.

More and more relationships aren’t looked at as magnificent bonds between two people, where they share themselves with one another to essentially make each other happy and better as individuals. Relationships are now viewed as traps of some sort —as if being in a relationship means you’re locked away, unable to live your own life.

Since when did relationships become about this? Since when did relationships mean demanding things of one another, setting rules for one another, keeping one another away from others, or even stunting their growth? Why do we use such a term to describe such a beautiful thing? I believe the term cuffin’ and all these connotations associated with it came about once people started to obtain these immature outlooks on relationships from the inside and outside. People inside the relationships stopped realizing what a relationship really is about and became more concerned with where they’re significant other was, what he or she was doing, and who he or she was with. Girlfriends and boyfriends become Robocops as opposed to significant others. As harsh as it may sound, this is a matter of insecurity and a lack of trust. Then, people on the outside looking in see this and also develop this mentality, causing people to immediately shut down the thought of ever being in a relationship.

Relationships are beautiful things that can have such wonderful impacts on people.  Let’s reference back to the definition that we first started off with: cuffin’ is when you don’t want to share a mate with anyone else.” What is so wrong with this?  What is so wrong with the desire of a monogamous relationship? Of loyalty and commitment to just one person?  Why do we make fun of those who are happy in their relationship and aren’t afraid to show it? Because as much as some of us may not want to admit, we all desire the comfort of another human being in an intimate and passionate way and making fun is the only means as to hide that desire. Admit it, we all want someone who not only makes us happy, but also that we can make happy.  We want someone we can share ourselves with effortlessly.  So stop shutting relationships out because society has turned it into a lockdown.  Be different and make the best of your own original relationship. Embrace it.

What do you think about relationships? Let us know in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Snowballfighters.co.uk

By Emma McAnaw

While simultaneously walking down Marshall and bearing the bullets of sleet whipping against my face, I overheard a townie in the middle of the street, screaming at a car, “Boom, hit me!” Granted, I could have easily brushed him off as some freaking psycho who gets off from screaming at innocent drivers. And after a matter of time I did. But in that moment, I realized: I treat my life the same way that man treated the driver of the car. In a way, almost every student does. We barrel through life, making as many stupid decisions as we possibly can, daring our mistakes to catch up with us. It’s only when they do, that we realize it feels like a damn car plowed its way through our lives. If you’re not catching onto my analogy, think of how it must feel for a car to run you over—it probably really fucking hurts.

This past weekend, I realized how much easier it is to make a mess out of your life than it is to clean the aftermath. Sometimes the mistakes are easy to fix, like falling down the stairs and forming a hand-sized bruise on your ass (good luck sitting on that bad boy). Other times, it’s harder to fix, like broken trust and friendships. This is especially true when you don’t remember (thank you, alcohol) what exactly you’ve done wrong. You just know that there are friends who now don’t want to talk to you, or morally wrong actions you can’t undo. That’s the one downfall of being young—we don’t have the knowledge or experience on how to fix these situations. Sometimes it feels like the best we can do is hope for the best, and try to better ourselves for the future.

College tends to lead us to believe that as young people, we have the right to go absolutely nuts if we want to. Our bodies are still able to endure the things we put them through (or at least we tell ourselves they can). After all, we’re not in the “real world,” so what could possibly happen? Don’t get me wrong, that mindset is great; it lets you live as if you don’t have a care in the world, and believe that life is never going to get hard. Your biggest concern is what hangover remedy you’re going to use in the morning. But after a particularly harsh wake-up call, we all eventually learn that no matter your age, with every irresponsible choice comes a consequence.

The silver lining to these horrible “morning-afters” is the lessons we learn from past mistakes. It comes down to a quite simple solution: own up to them. If you did something that you know your mom would smack you silly for, like getting sick in a friend’s sink or hooking up with someone you shouldn’t have, apologize to the person you’ve wronged. It may take some time for your friend to move past it, but if they really care about you, they will. Your friendship should outweigh a drunken night out in the long run, no matter what.

Whatever you do, don’t become one of those rigid, boring assholes that think the fact that they never go out makes them morally superior. Because they’re not. They’re just boring as hell. But do understand that the belief “if I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen,” is completely untrue. Have fun, take advantage of being young, but try to avoid that car accident. And if it does happen, pick yourself up and remember to look both ways next time.

What are your thoughts about the morning after? Share them in the comments below, or @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via 9to5google.com

By Shea Garner

“My Instagrams have been so great today,” I heard a girl proudly proclaim as she snapped a picture of our teacher’s spread of Valentine’s Day cookies. I couldn’t stop thinking about what a ludicrous statement that was, as I couldn’t imagine her followers being all that thrilled with a pile of sugar cookies filtered through X-pro II. I guess this constant stream of the mundane is just a product of a generation that is constantly gripped to their smartphones, always feeling the need to share everything to everyone.

So what’s next for a world that needs to be reminded to stay off of their phones if they want to place an order in line for lunch? It seems that this technology is only hindering our daily encounters; putting a screen or a camera between our faces and the ones we’re interacting with. When’s the last time you went to a concert and truly enjoyed the experience, without feeling the need to tweet or record your favorite song and share on Facebook? It was probably a Sugar Ray show.

Well Google is looking to change our interactive experience with our phones (and technology in general) with their new product Google Glass. Glass is a small wearable screen that sits in the corner of the user’s eye, attached to a pair of hilariously unstylish frames. The screen displays information right in the user’s field of vision, allowing the data to seamlessly interact with the user’s environment. Text messaging, GPS directions, and recording and sharing video can all be done via voice command and appear in the user’s left eye. No longer will people be distracted by their clunky pesky smartphones, because with Glass sitting on their face, the interpersonal experience is back.

At least that’s the angle Google seems to be going for. Basically, with Glass, people won’t even realize when someone is being rude and checking their text messages amid a conversation, it’ll just pop up in front of their eye. Now you won’t even know if the slight chuckle they emit is in response to you or their boo in Michigan. If anything, Glass seems to only be adding to the ever-growing problem of technology interfering with interpersonal communication. What’s next? Your move Apple.

What are your thoughts on Google Glass? Let us know in the comments section below or by tweeting @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Calexis.com

By Emma McAnaw

We may be in denial, but it’s going to happen: we all will graduate. Just mentioning this to seniors causes them to plunge head first into a panic attack. These are the best four years of our lives; it will never again be socially acceptable to sleep until one in the afternoon or go out every night. The real world is not nearly as fun as SU, your boss will not accept the excuse “I’m too hungover” when you don’t show up to work. So make sure you live your college experience to the fullest. Here’s a list of things every Syracuse University student should do before graduating:

1. Hit all the bars on Marshall in one night. Clearly this is something that only seniors can do, since the bouncer at Lucy’s will laugh in any underclassman’s face.  Go to the bars in order of exclusivity, for nostalgia. Start your night at DJ’s and chug a pitcher of Cuse Juice—you’ll need to be drunk to enjoy yourself in the swarm of horny freshmen. After DJ’s, make the slight step up to Harry’s, and hit on all the townies. Next, to the grown-up bars: Lucy’s and Chuck’s. Since these are both only available to upperclassmen, the order doesn’t matter. Remember, you may have to be older to get into these, but these bars are still less classy then the ones you’ll have to go to after graduation. Take advantage of being a student and feel free to get as drunk as you’d like.

2. Go drunk sledding. Take advantage of the fact that we live on a campus that is always covered snow. The best place to drunk sled is Crouse Hill, and it’s probably best to not be completely wasted while doing this to avoid any unfortunate vomiting incidents. Don’t have sleds? Just take the dining hall trays. That’s what they’re there for anyway, right?

3. Camp out for a basketball game. Show your school pride by freezing your ass off the night before a basketball game. It’ll be worth it the next day when you’re sitting close enough to the court to (attempt to) hit on your favorite basketball player. You’ll probably even meet that guy who’s always covered head to toe in neon orange.

4. Pull an all-nighter in Bird. Okay, this one isn’t fun but every student should know what it feels like to spend all night at Club Bird. The quiet room in the basement is the best place to do this. No one can watch you chug three large cups of coffee and experience several mental breakdowns. If you graduate college without ever pulling an all-nighter, you either didn’t actually do all your work or are annoyingly organized.

Did we miss anything? Share your must-do’s in the comments below or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Photo via Redbookmag.com

By Bria Holness

Valentine’s Day is when many overindulge in expressing their love and affection to the special person in their life. We go out on dates, we buy extravagant gifts, we kiss, and we shower each other with love and positive feelings; things we may not necessarily do throughout the year. On the flip side, there’s always those do-gooders who claim that they don’t need this day to express their love because they do it everyday. Nonetheless, we all know that if you’re in a relationship, you’re going to celebrate your love one way or another. But wouldn’t it be nice to keep this hot, spicy, romantic, honeymoon-ish love and affection going all throughout the year? Here’s a few ways to do so.

Plan a date night. If you don’t go on romantic dates regularly, then have a date night every now and then, when you court one another and ignite the passion with a candlelight dinner, rose petals on the bed, a bubble bath, and chocolate covered strawberries. Consider it a monthly treat because passionate and romantic sex is hot sex.

Have sex everywhere BUT your bed. Get hot and heavy on the kitchen counter at home (just make sure you wipe it down with some Clorox after) or get risky and take it out to the movies, a dressing room, or in a car. This brings variety and spontaneity to your relationship, as well as excitement, and associates a rush of adrenaline, passion, and fun to your relationship that keeps the spice alive.  Also, sometimes, when people hit the mattress, they just want to go to sleep. So if you want to have sex regularly, try having sex somewhere that won’t tempt your partner to fall asleep before you can get busy.

Sex is not all about the big O. Stop focusing on trying to reach an orgasm or getting your partner to reach an orgasm. Just enjoy the intimacy and pleasure that your partner is giving you, and trust me you’ll reach the O sooner than you think. Focus on how good you can make each other feel as opposed to reaching the “goal.”

Engage in a fantasy. Dig deep and talk about your dirtiest fantasies because not only is curiosity sexy, it sparks a lot of fire within your relationship when you put them into practice. Seeing your partner pleased will make you happy, and seeing their fantasies come to life will make your partner happy. A lot of people tend to keep these things to themselves out of fear of reprisal, but exploring them together will create an unimaginable bond born from a first experience.

SEXT. Sending a sexy text to your partner will turn him or her on and build anticipation, which is key to hot sex. You two will be excited all day, waiting for that moment that you can just pounce. And when you finally get that moment, you’ll literally be all over each other, incapable of getting enough.

Do something different. Change it up! Try out different positions, in different orders, or set rules (like hands only) to make things interesting. Patterns get boring and predictable, and who wants to be predictable in bed? Surprise your partner every now and then; they’ll love it.

Anytime of day, that’s what I say. Sex shouldn’t only be reserved as something to do at night, especially because that’s when you’re most tired. Sex is a delightful morning wake up call and randomly getting some at three in the afternoon can always get someone going. It adds spontaneity and lessens predictability.

What are your spicy tips? Share them in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via Blogspot.com

By Nicole Fisher

Living on a college student’s budget means that my fridge can look a little depressing sometimes. Mostly full of condiments and three day old take-out Chinese food, creating an appetizing and nutritious meal seems difficult when the majority of my fridge is dedicated to beer. Myfridgefood.com, a site I admittedly stumbled upon on Pinterest, assists me when my creative cooking side needs a spark. My favorite recipe thus far, Beer Cocktail Meatballs, only requires four ingredients—the most important of them is cheap beer. So next time you have a rager over the weekend and still have some piss water left in the bottom of the keg, try this surprisingly tasty recipe out for dinner. And paired with a beer inspired drink, a Snakebite, because why not? Promise, it won’t break your budget, or your belt either.

Beer Cocktail Meatballs

Cooking Time: 40 minutes

Recipe Makes: 8 

Ingredients

2 lbs lean ground beef

1 ¾ ups ketchup

1 (12 ounce) can of cheap beer

1 cup white sugar

Instructions

1. Roll your meatballs to about a quarter sized, and either fry or bake them, draining grease well.

2. In a deep saucepan or crockpot put in the sugar, ketchup, and add beer. Mix well until sugar is pretty well dissolved.

3. Add in the cooked meatballs, and simmer with lid ajar on stovetop for 30-45 minutes, or simmer in a crockpot on low for 1-1 1/2 hours.

4. Be sure to stir a couple of times.

5. Sauce will thicken, and should smell almost like sweet and sour sauce.

Side Notes: Try them over spaghetti noodles or mashed potatoes. And, these freeze well for future use.

Snakebite

Ingredients

1 1/2 pint beer (heavier beers, like stout, work best. Whatever you have in the fridge works too.)

1/2 pint hard cider 

Mix or layer the beer and hard cider. That’s it.

Note: this mixture take you from tipsy to white girl wasted after one drink. It is actually illegal to serve a Snakebite in pubs and bars in Britain. But hey, drink at your own risk.

Did you try them out? Let us know in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Ilana Goldmeier. Photo by Brandon Weight

By Alexis Rodriguez

As a professor of human sexuality for almost 30 years, Joseph Fanelli has gained significant popularity during his years at SU. Jerk was more than happy to get to know him on a more personal level, finding out his biggest guilty pleasure and discovering that he almost became a Roman Catholic priest. He also reveals his feelings on Playboy vs. Maxim, and that the perfect Valentine’s Day obviously requires a lot of “bed” time. 

What made you decide to become a human sexuality professor?

(laughs)It was totally by accident…I came to Syracuse in the mid 70s and the focus was actually marriage and family therapy, which is my academic discipline. When I came to Syracuse I was lucky enough to be a TA for Dr. Sol Gordon. It was by accident that I took this position, and I spent the next 10 years working on my masters for my doctorate degree and really focusing on human sexuality with Sol. When he retired in the early 80s, I was lucky enough to be asked if I wanted to teach the course. I’ve taught for almost 30 years and close to 35,000 students.

What is your favorite topic to teach in human sexuality?

The whole section on love and intimacy and relationships. I really enjoyed that section. Some years ago the dean of our college asked if I would teach a course on that, and that’s how Lust, Love and Relationships (CFS 425) came about. I’ve been teaching that every semester.

What is your most embarrassing college memory?

(laughs) Early in my teaching career at SU, I got a call in the middle of the semester from the Syracuse police department that they had arrested one of my students who was soliciting a prostitute and when he was arrested told the police he only wanted to interview her for my course which of course wasn’t true (laughs). Another funny thing that happened was in class after discussing the topic of birth control…there was a student sitting alone in one of the far corners. Everybody left and he was still there. I thought he had fallen asleep but he said he had fainted during the section on having a vasectomy…I don’t know if that’s true or not (laughs).

What is your biggest guilty pleasure?

I love beer. That’s my guilty pleasure. I love my beer.

Which celebrity would you most want to punch in the face?

Hmmm…I’ll think about that. I don’t like Adam Sandler. He just annoys the hell out of me. You know, his manners…he just seems punchable. As comedians go, he would be my least favorite.

What is something people don’t know about you?

Most people don’t know that after high school I spent 7 years studying to be a Roman Catholic priest. I had 1 year left before I decided it wasn’t for me. (laughs) I’m a slow learner. I like the ministry kind of thing but wanting a family was very compelling.

The Notebook or Titanic?

Oh the Notebook for sure. I like the Notebook.

Playboy or Maxim?

Playboy, no question.

What would happen on the perfect Valentine’s Day?

The perfect Valentine’s Day would be staying in “bed” all morning and doing something exciting all afternoon and then having an incredible dinner then going right back to “bed.”

What is your most memorable Valentine’s Day?

My wife and I spent one Valentine’s Day at the Belhurst Castle…that was cool. There was a Jacuzzi in the middle of the bedroom, a fireplace, and we had great dinners. I highly recommend it.

How can people apply the Valentine’s Day “spark” to their sex lives all year long? 

I think that what they need to do is to keep in mind that an integral part of relationships is demonstrating that their partner is special. The question that I ask myself is, “What did I do today to show that my partner is special to me?”

Image design by Sara Easterling. Photo via IStockPhoto.com

By Bria Holness

Is it that time in the year where you find yourself constantly looking in the mirror, pinching the fat at your stomach, scrutinizing your thighs, or jiggling your arm fat? In search of an easy and fun way to lose weight? Well to your surprise, the truth is, having sex works in many ways to help you lose weight.

1. Sex burns calories. Sex is first and foremost an exercise, and fun exercise at that. A quick 25 minutes of sex burns about 90 calories. Try out some fun new positions to get your body moving. And going for a couple of more rounds will boost the burn rate even more. Believe it or not, reaching your climax gets the heart pounding as much as taking a jog will.
2. Less stress, better health. Sex helps regulate levels of cortisol, the high-anxiety hormone. Too much cortisol boosts your appetite for fattening foods and causes the body to store extra calories around the midsection. You’ll be able to remain calm instead of rushing to chocolate, chips, or cookies for stress relief. And let’s say that you are in fact dealing with stress, finding something satisfactory other than food, to relieve that stress is great. Sex produces the same pleasure chemical in the brain as food does, and being busy with sex will keep you out of the kitchen.
3. Sex boosts self-esteem. The fact that someone wants you on the regular makes you feel attractive and therefore makes you feel better about yourself. Feeling better about yourself in turn improves your sex life because as you feel more and more appealing, the more you want to show off and give away your goods. This appreciation of your body, along with the fact that you want to show your body during sexual activity, will cause you to eat healthier and will increase your desire to exercise regularly.
4. Sleepytime. Sex releases the hormone oxytocin, which has also been called the cuddle hormone. It promotes sleep, which if you skip out on, your body’s ability to lose weight will destabilize. Having some sex before you go to bed will help you sleep like a baby and can severely increase the amount of fat you lose.

Now, this doesn’t mean  go out and be promiscuous. Having sex with everyone and anyone who is willing to, just because you want to lose weight is not the point. The fact of the matter is that the context of the sex matters too. If you engage in sexual relations in a monogamous relationship it will have a great effect on the body and mind. Sex helps people bond, and builds trust and feelings of generosity for one’s partner. So promiscuous sex has the completely opposite effect. Sorry to rain on your parade.

Got any experience with sex and weight loss? Let us know in the comments below, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling. Image via PapyGeek.com

By Shea Garner

As an Apple fanboy myself, it’s hard to deny the appeal of the iPhone. It’s an incredibly user-friendly smartphone that pairs gorgeous design with functionality. Hell, all those people waiting in line for days on end to get their hands on the next gen version can’t be wrong, right?

But what’s next for the nation’s most popular cellular device? Each version only marks a subtle differentiation from the former, and, let’s be honest, was the introduction of Siri really worth the price of an upgrade from the iPhone 4 to the 4s? Google’s Android market has far more hardware variety and variation. Even Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, claimed the company has fallen behind in the smartphone market.

And while Apple CEO Tim Cook continues to insist that the iPhone is about the user experience and not the necessity of a larger screen, it is rumored that Apple is answering the call, and introducing the bigger iPhone+ and an iPhone “5s” within the next year. Providing the consumer with more options is key and may very well push Apple even further into the market lead.

The uniform design of the iPhone is certainly accredited to its iconic image, but the introduction of a bit of variety into their product line is more than welcome. Angry Birds on a 5” screen sounds more appealing than Harrison Ford in the upcoming Star Wars sequel.

What do you think of Apple’s proposed new lineup? Let us know in the comments section below or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via ApartmentThearapy.com

By Emma McAnaw

It seems as though every other day our parents or professors are telling us to monitor our social media, and to make sure everything is appropriate. But let’s be honest, none of us do. You can’t go online over the weekend without witnessing dozens of drunken adventures. While you’re in college and have an excuse to be irresponsible, this all seems like a good idea. But it’s going to be a major issue when you’re applying for a job, and the first thing the employer sees is your last tweet about how blackout drunk you were the night before. You don’t need to present yourself online as someone who would rather study all night than drink (because no one will believe you), but you should consider what future employers will think when looking at your social media. So go out and make those mistakes, just don’t put them online. And follow these tips to make your sites employer-appropriate.

1. Destroy all Evidence of Freshman Mistakes: As a freshman, it seems the only way to prove to all your high school friends that you’re having fun at college is posting as many embarrassingly drunk pictures of yourself on Facebook as possible. As fun as it was publicizing the fact that you’ve turned into a borderline alcoholic in the course of a semester, these pictures are going to hurt you in the long run. Your employer is not going to be impressed by your ability to hold yourself up during a keg stand. Not to mention I almost guarantee every freshman girl has pictures of her dressed only in a tank top worn as a dress. Don’t put yourself through the trauma of knowing your boss has seen part of your ass. But suck it up and relive those embarrassing freshman nights out and while deleting all evidence. Possible employers now don’t have to know about the time you locked yourself in a frat bathroom, and you can actually be hired.

2. No Pot, No Exceptions: We get it, you’re so damn hipster with pictures of you blowing smoke into the camera. Too bad no one wants to hire a pothead —even fellow smokers. I know it’s really exciting that you just bought a bowl in the shape of an animal, but the world doesn’t need to know. Advertising the fact that you smoke will only make you look irresponsible and unreliable. One trace of evidence that you smoke will lead to a possible employer deciding not to hire you; probably due to the fear that you’ll show up to work stoned and eat out the entire office kitchen. When taking pictures, make sure there aren’t any smoking devices in sight. Believe me, “Barack Obonga” does not need to make a public appearance.

3. Keep it PG-13: I don’t care if you’re on your way to becoming a Victoria Secret Angel, keep your clothes on in pictures. There’s only one place someone should see you in your bra, and a hint, it’s not online. And nobody needs to see you dancing half-naked in a crowded basement when they Google your name. If you do, then you’re probably looking for a job that Syracuse University doesn’t train you for. Leave something to the imagination for you followers/friends, and nothing to ponder at all for your boss (because that’s just creepy).

4. Keep Drinking Discreet: Yes, it’s fun to piece together the party from the night before by looking at your drunk photos. It’s important, though to set boundaries for yourself. If you’re underage, it’s a good idea to blur out beer cans or only take pictures with cups. The at least it’s less obvious you were well beyond tipsy while snapping that selfie. Acting like you’re striving to be the next Ke$ha is not only horrible for employers to see, but is also viewed as extremely unattractive. So if it looks obvious that you don’t even remember taking that picture, or if you made several drunk tweets/statuses, delete immediately.

5. Be a Decent Human: I’m not saying pretend to go to every charity event, or be part of every school organization, because that comes off as fake. But employers who look you up through social media would be impressed to see you exhibiting your (appropriate) interests and school involvement. No one is going to hire someone who thinks the most interesting thing about them is that they can out drink all their friends. Use social media to show off your accomplishments, like published work or plans for summer internships. Also put your past employments, education, and learned languages in your profile information. This will at least give employers the impression that you’re a functional adult.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via shelovesmagazines.com

By Nicole Fisher

Disclaimer: I hate Valentine’s Day. A holiday created for commercialism, it’s an excuse of a day to tell the people in your life that you love them when that’s something you should express everyday. That being said, the mid-February holiday gives every girl an excuse to indulge in her chocolate supply and kick back with a glass of wine, so I guess I can’t complain too much. Without a guy, and with best friends who have boyfriends, a tub of Nutella and a bottle of Andre is my personal poison this year and sparked the inspiration for these recipes, Nutella Ravioli and Love Potion. Whether you are looking for a cute recipe for you and your significant other, or celebrating an anti-holiday with some girlfriends, these recipes will help you turn your day into the celebration you want.

Nutella Heart Ravioli

Prep time: 30 minutes

Cook time: 8 minutes

Ingredients

Canola oil, enough to fill a saucepan about 2-inches deep

24 won ton wrappers

3/4 cup Nutella (or any other chocolate-hazelnut spread)

Powdered sugar

Directions:

1. Heat the oil on medium-high heat while you prepare the ravioli. Keep an eye on it—you want it to get hot, but not smoking. If it gets too hot, just pull it off the burner.

2. On a large cutting board, cut each won ton wrapper with a heart-shaped cookie cutter (2 1/2-inches or so).

3. Scoop the Nutella into a zip baggie, snip the corner of the baggie and twist the baggie to force the Nutella into the snipped corner. Squeeze the baggie and draw a heart with the Nutella, right in the middle of the heart won ton (using about a tablespoon of the Nutella). Draw Nutella into the center of 12 cut-out hearts.

4. Rub the edges of each of the Nutella hearts with a little bit of water, place a matching heart-shaped won ton wrapper on top and press to seal, squeezing out any air bubbles.

5. Test the oil to see if it’s ready (flick a drop of water into the oil, and if it’s sizzling, it’s ready). Test it out with one ravioli; gently drop it in and let it cook in the oil for 30 seconds to 1 minute before you flip it over. You want it to turn a nice golden brown color. Remove the fried ravioli and place on to paper towels to drain the oil, then sprinkle lightly with powdered sugar. Repeat with the remaining ravioli, cooking about 4 at a time. They are most delicious when served warm.

Love Potion #9

Ingredients

Strawberry Andre

Vanilla Ice Cream

Directions

1. Take a heaping spoonful of ice cream and put it in a glass.

2. Pour the Strawberry Andre over the ice cream, filling the glass.

3. Enjoy your foaming, bubbling love potion!

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via tested.com

By Shea Garner

Being a product of Generation Y, every college student has witnessed the steady progression of printing technology. And, to be honest, most inkjet printers remain a pain in the ass. Seamlessly printing a ten-page paper five minutes before class is something of a small miracle.

It seems that before they’ve even perfected the usability of the sub-$100 printer, the industry has progressed with something bigger: three-dimensional printing. At its core, 3D printing is exactly what you’d imagine—a large machine that prints materials from a digital model.

This technology seems to have become more commercialized in the past year. In fact, starting in May, you can own a Form 1 3D printer for a mere $3,300. And while printing digital figurines may sound intriguing to those of us at home, it’s the scientific community’s application that is the most exciting.

For one, these printers can actually print living biological cells. That means, in the future, full meals could be printed in your kitchen without going to the frozen food aisle at Wegman’s. A more practical use of this method would include creating food for astronauts lacking vital vitamins and nutrients on long space missions (that is, if NASA ever regains full funding). Even printing human organs and tissues is now a possibility, as one lab has begun printing with embryonic stem cells. This would be revolutionary in the medical field, and could even drastically lower the waiting time for people in need of organ transplants.

What are your thoughts on this 3D printing revolution? Are we only years, or months, away from creating the next Frankenstein? Let us know in the comments section below or @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via Stacyssweetshop.blogspot.com

By Emma McAnaw

During winter break, we all expected to come back to the return of the Ice Age. Our iPhone weather apps – because God forbid we just look outside – foreshadowed a snowpocolypse. The University cheerfully Instagrammed pictures of the Hall of Language buried in snow as if we supposed to feel joy by knowing we were going to have to pre-game class if we didn’t want to freeze. But since we’ve returned, it’s been surprisingly warm, and as everyone knows, you’re not a real Syracuse University student if you don’t celebrate something fortunate by drinking. Here’s a list of ways to still convince both yourself and your parents that you’re still a functional student while toasting shots to our poor definition of good weather.

1. Don’t get wasted the night of an exam.

If it’s a Monday night, and you have a test at 10 a.m. Tuesday, tell your friend to cool his jets and wait a day before doing those tequila shots. We all experience fear of missing out, but it’s not a popular night to go out. In fact, you’ll only feel regret (and nausea) when it’s time to take your test and you can’t even remember what class you’re in. Be a true Syracuse student and wait until you study and do well on an exam. Because then you have two things to celebrate, and can take twice the amount of shots.

2. Make a good impression on your professors.

Clearly every professor is aware that Syracuse University students have a (slightly unhealthy) love of partying. However, they don’t need to be reminded of this during their lecture. If you stumble into class with last night’s makeup running down your face, or reeking of Captain Morgan, that professor is not inclined to like you. You don’t want to be remembered as the schmuck that couldn’t even walk in a straight line down the lecture hall. It pays off to make a good impression on the professor, as they’ll be more likely to help you out when that notoriously difficult midterm or horrifyingly long research paper comes up. So for the first day of class, don’t spend the hour drunkenly scrolling through your Tinder matches. Raise your hand a couple times, and introduce yourself to the professor. That way your professor, unlike people who know you better, thinks you’re a responsible adult.

3. Modify your drinking based off of tomorrow’s schedule.

We’ve all been there. One moment you’re standing in front of a keg, the next you’re sprawled out in your bed with last night’s clothes still on. Good thing your class is in ten minutes, and you have enough time to do exactly nothing. If you know you have a busy day ahead of you, hold back on the excessive drinking. It seems like a such a simple thing to do, and yet so many people find themselves running to class in last night’s clothes and reeking of what they hope is just alcohol. Chances are you weren’t at the Beer Olympics last night, so keep your drinking light and spare yourself the misery of cradling your pounding head in your morning class.

4. Complete all of your work early.

Saving your work for the next morning never works, and yet we all try to do it way too often. You’re sitting at your computer doing your work/Facebook stalking, when you get a text from your friend asking if you want to go out. It’s so tempting to tell yourself that you’ll be able to wake up early in the morning and finish your homework so you can go out. The next time this happens, ask yourself how many times have you have actually finished your homework the next morning. Then ask yourself how many times you either didn’t wake up in time, or were just too hungover to actually finish your work. I’m betting the latter happened more often than not. Do yourself a favor and actually finish your homework before going out. The bars aren’t going anywhere; they’ll still be there when you don’t have work to do. I promise.

What are your tips for surviving the last months of winter? Share ‘em in the comments, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via Favim.com

By Bria Holness

Inspired by a YouTube video I recently watched, “Pu**y Payments,” by Jerry Lavigne, I started really thinking about the idea that women hold power simply because they have a vagina. Especially because I have a vagina myself.

Now let me be clear about this from now: I’m not referring to this power in a way that women should use their body to get what they want. I’m referencing to a power that women are clearly unaware of, a power that stems from the fact that women possess something that every heterosexual man wants, something that men will work for as long as women require them to.

“Every pu**y has a price…there’s always some type of payment involved in you releasing your [vagina],” Lavigne said early in his video. If a man wants to have sex with a woman, he will do whatever is necessary to make that happen, as long as she doesn’t make it easy to get. This could mean taking her out to eat, buying her gifts, or simply putting in effort to show his affection for her. Even if a woman has had sex with a man only once, he will keep working to win her affection so he can continue to have sex with her. However, as stated by Justin a sophomore, it depends on the circumstances of the woman giving it up the first time.

“If I worked really hard for it the first time,” he says, “then yeah, I would continue to work for it afterwards.”

There are many women who don’t realize that with the power they hold, they can require a man to put in work or effort in order to get the goods.

“There are women who give away their product not realizing that they can put a price tag on it,” Lavigne added. “If you don’t know the price or set a price onto your product it’s worthless.”

This, unfortunately, is seen a lot in the college environment where instant gratification is a must and college is a free for all. Jocelyn, a sophomore, agreed. “Girls in college don’t put a price on their goods,” she says.

Some women don’t even require the man to respect her, believing that the man will simply stay around because she’s had sex with him. These women don’t understand the value of their vagina, and as a result, don’t place any sort of value on themselves.  They don’t find themselves worthy enough of requiring a man to put in any effort to receive their time, love, or effort. “The females that do give it up and don’t expect anything in return are insecure,” said Katherine, a sophomore.

As Lavigne states in his video, of course men are going to try to get sex without putting in any effort, but that’s why it’s a woman’s job to realize her value and set her price.  Women who do so have learned that they possess something valuable and will feel as if the man earned her love; not like he took it without giving her anything in return.

What are your thoughts about pricing “Pu**y Payments?” Leave us a comment, or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Ilana Goldmeier, photograph by Charlotte Stockdale

By Andrea Reindl

Have you ever been basking in the greatness of the fine academic institution that we call Syracuse University and thought to yourself: Who is the hottest professor on campus? Here at Jerk, we thought it was our responsibility to tell you. We sat down with Cory Weaver, currently voted the hottest professor on ratemyprofessor.com and talked about his mind, spirit, and…who are we kidding? We really just talked to him about his hotness.

What does it feel like to be voted the hottest professor currently on ratemyprofessor.com? It’s incredibly flattering.

Have you ever been to ratemyprofessor.com? I have been to ratemyprofessor.com. Back when I first started, I used to watch it to see if my students gave me “chili peppers.” It’s always fun to read the reviews that people have written on there. With regular evaluations at the end of the year, I think students feel the need to sound more academic or professional, but with Rate My Professor, students can be a little bit more candid.

When did you decide you wanted to teach college students? I was living in Florida at the time, where I helped to start journalism programs in the elementary, middle, and high schools. I just fell in love with teaching and I knew I wanted to continue my education and get my Ph.D., so it was perfect. Teaching college students—to me—is a lot better than teaching, like, middle-schoolers, because you can get into the nitty-gritty of certain issues and it’s really fun to see the look on their faces when a concept clicks with them.

Do you get hit on by students a lot? I don’t. And if I do, I’m completely unaware.

Where did you grow up? I grew up in Southern California. I loved growing up in South California. I spent so many days at the beach—I always had a tan. It was a phenomenal place to grow up.

What is your favorite college memory? I did my undergrad at the University of Hawaii on the island of Oahu, so one of my favorite college experiences was when the waves were really kickin’ on the north shore of the island, and one of my teachers sent all of us an email telling us class was cancelled for the day. So, my friend and I hopped in a car and watched the Van’s Triple Crown surf competition. I love Hawaii because there’s so much culture there in contrast to white, suburbia, Wysteria Lane-like environment where I grew up.

What is at the top of your bucket list? I don’t really have a bucket list. Usually if I want to do something then I just do it. I operate on a “Why not?” philosophy, so if there’s something I really want to do, then I make it happen. My number one priority right now is finishing my Ph.D. Then after that, my goal is to just be happy and be a big kid.

What’s the most annoying thing a student can do? Oh gosh. You know, it’s hard to say certain things that students do are annoying because I know I’ve done them myself in the past. But, I think students underestimate what the times might be, and they think I’m like the other professors. Students will email me telling me they’re sick and then I’ll pull up their Twitter and they’re like, “Yes! Got out of class! Who wants to get wasted at Chuck’s with me?” I think it’s annoying when students lie.

Celebrity you’d most like to punch in the face? God, there are so many. Kirk Cameron. He’s super homophobic. But I’m not big on punching people in the face, so instead, I’d throw my Cosmo on him.

What’s your opinion on reality TV? I like reality TV. I think it’s become so easy for networks to do reality TV shows that we’re becoming inundated with reality television and losing out on really awesome sitcoms or dramas because it’s so easy and cheap to do a reality TV show. But, I love them. I hate when you can tell they’re scripted, though. I was a big fan of Laguna Beach and The Hills.

Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Jennifer Aniston—all day, every day. She’s America’s sweetheart, right? She’s nice and funny and quirky. Angelina just seems so cold and distant sometimes—at least, to me she does.

Last song stuck in your head? In all seriousness, it’s “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction. I wish I had a different answer.

What was your first job? I was a waiter at a Vietnamese restaurant. The restaurant was owned by a friend that I’ve had since kindergarten.

Is there a reason you dress so well? I kind of see fashion like a game or a puzzle. Every morning after I shower and I’m picking out my clothes, it’s fun to pick out new combinations of things. Like I said before, I kind of have this “Why not?” attitude. If I want to where a pink bow tie, I’ll wear a pink bow tie. If I want to wear lime green pants, I’ll wear lime green pants. And I’m always an advocate of dressing for success. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good.

What is your dream job? To be the director of marketing and advertising for Ralph Lauren. Hands down, dream job.

What is your favorite thing about Syracuse? The seasons. I was raised in Southern California. I did my undergrad at Hawaii for four years. Then I moved to Tampa while doing my master’s. Coming up to Syracuse was really my first experience with seasons. It’s breathtaking every time I come out of my house and the leaves are changing or there’s snow on my car. I know a lot of people hate brushing snow off the car, but I like it because it’s still so new. I’ve also been able to create a family here. That’s really important because all of my family live back in California.

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be? Well yesterday, I wanted to go to London, and today I think I would choose either Singapore or Hong Kong. I think tomorrow’s going to be the Virgin Islands.

Your favorite website to procrastinate on? I like Gawker. And I’m a big fan of Failbook. I can lose hours on Failbook. But also, just regular Facebook.

When and where do you feel you’re the happiest? I am the happiest on Sunday morning, waking up in my bed when the sun is coming through the windows and I have nothing to do that day. I can just lay there and watch reruns of my favorite shows. I’m also incredibly happy when I’m back home and walking on the beach with my family.

If you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive, who would it be? Mine is actually Princess Diana. But, it’s more of a tie, though. My eleven-greats-ago-grandfather was the leader of the pilgrims, so I would really like to sit down and have a conversation with him about what that was like.

What is your favorite food spot on Marshall? King David’s. I am obsessed with Greek food.

What is something people don’t know about you? There is a lot people don’t know about me. And I would prefer to keep it that way! Here’s an unscandalous one: I’m a black belt in taekwondo. I’m also an Eagle Scout.

What is the most exciting thing that has happened to you since working at Syracuse? It was really cool to run into Bob Costas in the Newhouse hallways. He does all the NBC Olympics coverage. I think in all seriousness though, I’m always incredibly excited to teach. I know it sounds nerdy, but teaching is such a rush for me, that after I have a really good class, I’m on a high for the rest of the day—I feel kind of invincible.

Any fashion tips for Syracuse students? Don’t be afraid to experiment. And, it’s not the cost of the clothes—it’s the fit of them. And for guys, you don’t need to go out and buy a $1500 suit. As long as you get a suit that fits okay, you can bring it into a tailor and you’ll look like a million bucks even if you only spent $50.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via tetech.info

By Shea Garner

Remember during winter break when Instagram updated its advertising policy, stating that the company possessed full ownership of users’ photos, and everyone lost their shit? Popular accounts like National Geographic—host to some of the most followers on the network—threatened to stop posting photos if the terms of service weren’t changed.

Instagram eventually retreated, readjusting the privacy policy to its original state, but has reportedly lost more than 40% of its user base since. The bottom line is that people are passionate about their content, even if that includes poorly filtered photos of half-priced #sushi or #selfies on #throwbackthursday.

After Instagate 2012, Facebook and other social networks became targets after users began speculating of similar tomfoolery. Soon, users began posting huge disclaimer paragraphs as their status’, claiming ownership over all personal content and photos. With a simple click of the mouse, friends from Becky to Grandma soon became policy-martyrs, spreading the “disclaimers” like wildfire.

Lawyer or not, one thing should be fairly obvious—posting disclaimer text as your status will not override any legal policy in the company’s terms and conditions that you quickly clicked “I Agree” to before joining. Let’s separate the facts from the fiction—you own all photos and original content posted to both Instagram and Facebook and they can’t sell any of it without your consent. However, that does not mean that either company can’t keep track of your posts and interests to create an advertising experience specifically targeted to you! Just think of how lucky you are!

Remember, if you’re not paying for it, then you might be the product.

What do you think about privacy and advertising policy on social networks? Let us know in the comments section below or tweet us @jerkmagazine.

Image design by Ilana Goldmeier, image courtesy of Philip Steiger

By Rob Marvin

Watching a Super 8 film is trippy. The classic format is like an old home video, warping every grainy frame back to 1976. It’s a novelty art in modern filmmaking that is no longer even taught at Syracuse, but the three student filmmakers behind “Pet Hotel” explored it for just that reason.

“Super 8 was, and still is incredibly intriguing to us, as it’s not taught at SU and is growing increasingly obscure. You always want what you can’t have,” says writer/director Philip Steiger, a junior film major.

“Pet Hotel,” a short film screened in Shaffer Hall last month, uses the retro medium to frame the strange, psychedelic story of Ford (Ford Bostwick, that is)—a senior architecture and sculpture major The film was written and directed by Steiger, Bostwick, and senior sculpture major Alex Svoboda, all of whom helped produce, and independently finance, the film.

The 15-minute runtime takes Ford on an introspective and mildly confusing journey, starting as he argues with his fiancée, Becky Reiser, a graduate sculpture student, and ending with Ford staring into Niagara Falls.

In between is a mess of nostalgic, peculiar, and more than slightly disturbing scenes. Ford finds himself in places like an eerie motel, the middle of a screamo concert, a creepy dentist’s office, and passed out in his old childhood tree house.

“Pet Hotel,” disjointed and puzzling as it was, had real emotional resonance. The why and how of Ford’s experiences were hazy, but the Super 8 film set a layered atmosphere. It gave wistful meaning to mundane scenes like rolling a tire down a grassy hill, or eating alone in an old-timey, neon-lit diner.

To finance the film, Steiger, Bostwick, and Svoboda applied for a co-circular grant from the College of Visual & Performing Arts, designated for projects outside of the classroom.

They were awarded $300, or one-fourth of their budget, and scrounged up the rest of the money—used for buying and digitalizing the film stock, cameras, equipment, production, etc—themselves through donations and personal funds. They did post-production on the short at 51 3^rd St., a communal artist residency in Troy, NY.

“This film was not completed for a class, as we did not want the academic burden, pressure, and deadlines,” says Steiger. “We wanted to explore a medium that was not being taught and observe the character and situation we had created.”

It’s still uncertain what message the filmmakers were trying to get across with “Pet Hotel,” what exactly happened in “Pet Hotel,” or even why exactly it’s called “Pet Hotel.” Nonetheless, the short is a unique achievement in independent filmmaking, financed through unconventional means and shot with nuance and singular vision on Super 8 film.

Viewers may be as confused as Ford as to why and how he ended up staring out at Niagara Falls, but they can’t say the journey wasn’t intriguing.

If you caught the screening of “Pet Hotel,” let us know what you thought @JerkMagazine. Or, if you just want to talk old school film geek stuff, we’re okay with that, too.

Want your writing featured in Jerk next semester? Make sure you tweet your beautifully constructed, opinionated comments to @jerkmagazine. Who knows, you might end up on our Feedback page.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via manrepeller.com

By Joelle Hyman

If you haven’t already heard, the world is going to end. No, not by the time your great-great-great-great-grandchildren look at pictures of you on a hologram projecting watch, but next week. Really, I read it online.

The last time I checked—which, for the sake of journalistic accuracy, was about five seconds from publishing—’tis not the season to perish in apparel from the campus bookstore. When snow traps us in our childhood bedrooms and the sun finally sets on ye olde world, no one will be looking at what I wore. There won’t be anyone to even remember my ensemble because, surely, even Heidi Montag’s silicone body will break down and wither, but it will matter to me.

Below are the bare essentials to (sartorially) surviving the final countdown. Because I lack the faith in all human kind to trust that you’ll know what to do with these items, I gave an appropriately detailed summary for each scenario and its respective goods. See you on the other side, but only if you plan on living your second life in Barney’s—that’s where I’ll be.

The Look: If you wear a Juicy tracksuit to the end of the world, many people will believe you deserve your fate in the final storm. The two ensembles below have been carefully crafted to be practical, untraceable to the exact date of your impending doom, and, most importantly, not a Juicy tracksuit. Let’s explore.

Inside your storm shelter: In a former life, I’m positive that I was a hybrid Hugh Hefner/Alexa Chung. I know most of you have felt the same at one point, since dressing like a toddler and a grandpa at the same time can’t be a phase exclusive to myself.

Just like the seminal classic by The Weather Girls predicted, it will all start by raining men. Head in to your safest space (both literal and physical) with  a pajama set, like this cotton one from J.Crew. If you’re feeling especially Hugh and less Chung, go for the embroidered initials on the pajama top pocket.

Since it’s the end of it all, throw your last pennies away on Charlotte Olympia’s kitty loafers. These may seem kitschy and way definitive of our final year, but trust me, you’ll feel like Queen of the Universe if you kick your feet up on any surface. Manners need not be excessive when there are men falling from the clouds, right?

Taking it to the Battlefield: 2012 is basically a high-functioning society based on the standards set by Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century, just with better props. Stick to black, white, and shades of grey. Highlighting the only worthwhile color palette with silver accents is imminent to your success as a post-apocalyptic zombie/corpse/thing.  There’s absolutely no metallic accent better than a Norma Kamali coat that also functions as a Capri Sun pouch. (As always, consider the realistically priced alternatives.) Should you take the leap and purchase the Zenon-approved puffer, let us know if juice leaks out when you stick a straw in it. See, fashion can be efficient.

Skinny jeans may be a thing of the now, but I have a hunch their relevance is not fleeting. Start off with a white pair—yes, seriously—because that Labor Day rule is for quitters and quitters never end up on post-apocalyptic street style blogs. Move onwards and upwards to mixing grays for your top layers. Layering is key to survival, as is making sure your grays don’t clash. Try a thin tank top, long sleeve shirt, and cashmere sweater combo to avoid that awkward “extra padding” effect that layering can often give. Tuck your layers into the front of your jeans and let them hang loosely in the back. The half-tuck is a true craft, so attempt accordingly, and finish it off with a thin black belt.

For kicks, you’ll need something practical and sustainable. Superga make a timeless tennis shoe that provides comfort without looking like a total douche, to put it eloquently. Should you be off to a final fête, snatch a pair of Zada (when Zara knocks of Prada, it becomes a Zada, naturally) platforms to give this look a casual but occasion-appropriate look. Effort is not necessary when it comes to this entire outfit, so if anyone asks, you’re just an American girl (mentally) in Paris.

Grab a pompom-topped beanie and thick scarf for pure practicality, which I guess is sometimes important. Your neck will definitely thank you when the vampire zombies come out to play. Our fine visual above featuring the pioneer of fashion freak shows, Leandra Medine of The Man Repeller, nails the look perfectly. Should your initial storm shelter fail you, page her on your two-way for ultimate warmth in her blanket scarf and leg hair.

Beauty: With minimal trend factor in the clothes, beauty is the best way to make sure the aliens know your body made it to the last days. For the (hypothetically nonexistent) spring season, Burberry predicts simplicity to triumph. Start out with a BB Cream, like Dr. Jart’s Black Label Detox. Apply like a usual tinted moisturizer and set with powder, if needed.

Base your lips with a bit of concealer, blot with a tissue, and apply Burberry’s “Siren” lipstick. The hue, the exact one used on the runway in September, will be more pigmented with a neutral base as opposed to laying on top of your natural rose-y lips. Hold a tissue over your lips, press lightly, and dust a bit of translucent powder over the tissue. Apply another coat of the lipstick and you’ll have red lips until 3012, just in time for Justin Bieber’s post-apocalyptic rager.

Lastly, skip the liquid liner and smokey eye schpeil and coat your lashes with Benefit’s They’re Real!—what I truly believe to be the eighth world wonder. Swipe on about two coats and remember not to brush your hair. Mess is best when it comes to two things: hair and romantic relationships on teen soap operas.

The Final Run: Oh no, it’s happening. Run for your life, but not without your seemingly meaningless material items! Pack ‘em up in this tote from L.L. Bean which holds up to 500 pounds and is completely waterproof. Grab your Moleskin, disposable camera, and stack of magazines dating back to 2006 to make sure you die buried in a bunch of decomposable shit on a bed of roses, like that song by The Band Perry said it would happen. Throw a pair of sunglasses on to prevent looking your high school classmates in the eye as you, inevitably, run into them at the gates of doom. If your life has any meaning, it’s facing ghosts from high school’s past on the final day and looking really good. Gold star for you!

If the Mayans were wrong and Lady Gaga will not, in fact, spread her wings of witchcraft over Earth and bury us all in black diamond glitter on December 21, reread this and make every apocalyptic pun into a holiday one. The holidays definitely hold just as much darkness and unpredictability as the end of the world—just ask your druncle and the family member who has to restrain him to a recliner chair every Christmas.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via grandbackgrounds.com

By Ivana Monet

We all know shopping for our partners during the Christmas season can be quite difficult because it always feels like we’re buying something they’re never going to actually use. But how about this Christmas season, you do something a little different? Instead of getting him or her another tie or bracelet that, more than likely, will sit in the closet or on the dresser for months, you give him or her something he or she wouldn’t dare turn down—the gift of sex. Spice up you and your partner’s Christmas with a little naughty fun by giving him or her one of these sexy gifts.

Let’s Play a Game

If you’re interested in adding a little heat to your relationship, try out the game Sex Stack. It’s like Jenga for adults and is comprised of many new sexual ideas to try. Each sexual piece has a number printed on it. Find the corresponding number on the Teaser Card or Hardcore Card that you have chose for the game and perform the sexual action listed on the card. At this rate, you might not even finish the game. ($25 on Amazon.com) Or try the 12-sided Love Sex Erotic dice full of many different positions that you and your partner can have fun getting yourselves tangled into. ($1.75 on Amazon.com)

Massage Candles

Earthly Body Threesome Round Massage Candles turn into a warm massage oil or moisturizer that also leave a hint of flavor on the skin—cough cough—a massage and a meal. ($18 for pack of 3 on Vitacost.com)

Stimulating Reading 

Purchase a steamy, hot book like Naughty or Nice: Christmas Erotica Stories and take turns reading to each other. It could even serve as an opportunity to act out a few of the stories, a time where you could engage in fantasies you’ve never considered before. Such books as these are very sexy and have the capability to heat things up between you and your partner very quickly. ($14.95 at Amazon.com)

Time To Get a Little Kinky

Take a step out of your comfort zone and try something a little different with the Spartacus Kink Set. Blindfold your partner and tie him or her up, and things will definitely get interesting. ($54 on 1adulttoystore.com) I’m sure your partner will appreciate some bondage and spanking after drinking a little eggnog by the Christmas tree—I mean, who wouldn’t?

Sexy Santa and Elf Costumes

There’s never anything wrong with a little bedroom role-playing. Pass up the plain matching bras and panties and pick up a sexy Santa Claus outfit for him and a sexy elf costume for yourself.  Your partner will never forget who brought them Christmas that year. (Santa is $10.99 at BuyCostumes.com and Elf is $32.95 at Yandy.com).

Edible Arrangements

Add a little flavor to your pallet with the Edible Underwear Bra and Panty Set and Candy Posing Pouch. (Edible Underwear is $3 at Amazon.com and Pouch is $9.99 at Spencersonline.com). Your partner will feel like a kid in a candy store again—literally.

Vibrations

Pleasure your partner with an Orgasmic Oral Sex Tongue Ring that offers over 40 minutes of non-stop vibration and fits easily over any sized tongue. The small nubs on the ring give your partner additional stimulation while in use. ($4.49 at Healthyandactive.com)

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Being in debt to someone never felt so good. If you owe your partner something, make it something that you both can enjoy. Bring out the IOU Sex Coupon book for sexual favors that will have you both going wild. Being in debt to someone never felt so good! ($6.95 at Fairygodmotheronline.com)

And last but not least—

Christmas Condoms

What better way of protecting yourself than with some holiday-themed condoms? Spice up your partner’s Christmas stocking with some of these bad boys. I’m sure they’ll find it humorous especially because they’re made to look like lollipops. Remember, always be safe. ($5.69 for a 3 pack at Amazon.com)

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via unhindered.com

By Emma McAnaw

There’s a reason why students complain so often about the lack of plutonic relationships between them and the sex they are interested in. In an environment where sex is considered so casual and every other person in the dining hall is boasting about who they scored with the night before, it seems impossible to be friends with the sex you are into without slipping up and waking up in their bed. But if Harry and Hermione can do it, then so can you.

Set boundaries: You wouldn’t grind with your cousin at a frat party, so if you’re not romantically interested in your friend, why would you with them? No matter how close you are with your friend, there are certain dangers in what could seem like innocent flirting. Obviously friends can physically interact without hooking up, but it’s still easy to cross those boundaries you worked to set up in the beginning of your friendship. So don’t freak out when your friend reaches out to hug you: Chances are they aren’t trying to be suggestive. But make sure you don’t find yourself draped over their lap at the next party in order to avoid any accidental hook ups.

Keep your clothes on: The downfall in literally every chick flick is when the female lead undresses in front of her pathetically complaisant male friend. After that, the awkward and often unsuccessful love confessions roll in which is disregarded in favor of whatever Channing Tatum-like hunk that stars in the movie. Want to avoid this? Keep your damn pants on. It doesn’t matter how many years you’ve known the person, how many “heart to hearts” you forced him through, or how many Starbucks dates he’s endured. Any college student’s over-eager hormones will be sent racing at even the peak of bare skin. I know you “were just trying on some outfits for him” but he doesn’t care that your new dress is vintage—he’s still thinking about the image of your ass that you just ingrained into his mind.

Don’t use him or her as a “fluffer”: Everyone wants to have a fluffer: someone with who you can reap all the benefits of a relationship, but without the physical aspect.  This person can always be depended on for a free ride, to be dragged to any shopping trips, or go do that thing that no one else is free to do with you. They’re basically your dream partner because they’re willing to do just about anything with you. But let’s remember that unless that list suddenly includes them getting into those pants you repeatedly tried on for them, the role of fluffer is going to start to feel old. It’s okay to spend a good amount of time with your friend—just don’t assume that this friend won’t ever develop frustrations or expectations after spending five hours in a row helping you with the homework for the class they don’t even take.

Keep your texts PG: There is literally nothing worse than going through your messages after a rough night out. Especially when (oh shit!) you see that you tried to booty call your best friend. It’s hard to say which turn out is worse: being rejected or having them actually come over. Not to mention the next day when you want to text them to go eat, but your last sloppy message is staring you in the face. The best thing to do in this case is simply apologize the next morning. Eventually the whole thing will be funny to both of you and you’ll be able to watch Walking Dead marathons together in bed without your skin crawling from feeling so awkward.

Control yourself when drunk: We’ve all been there—you wake up the next morning to the growing dread that you did something last night that is going to make yourself want to kick yourself in the face. And then the flashbacks come in of you draped all over your friend as if you’re some kind of horny koala bear. Great. There is nothing worse than the awkward first encounter the morning after. Whether you two hooked up or not, your intentions to do so were evident, and that will either make your friend feel uncomfortable, or worse: they suddenly reveal they feel the same way. It’s difficult to go back to being just friends after a night like that, so the next time your drunken mind tells you that you need to get laid, go through your contacts for a booty call. Even if you haven’t spoken to the person since freshman year, they’re still better than your friend.

Image design by Sarah Easterling, image via crittersandcrayons.com

By Kimberly Gamble

As the semester comes to a close, it’s time for one last hoorah before finals week. Instead of dealing with crowds at the mall to find gifts for your friends, why not make them a delicious treat?

Since you’ll be studying all week, these recipes are quick and delicious. You can make some to give and, obviously, some to keep for yourself as a reward. Peppermint bark and panettone bread pudding are holiday classics, so it cuts out the pressure of making sure your gift is “right.” Everyone loves food and the thought of taking time to bake for others. Before you give them as gifts, find some cute holiday containers and wrap them in bow.

Peppermint Bark

Ingredients:

Crushed candy canes, to yield 1 cup

2 lbs white chocolate

Peppermint flavorings (optional)

Directions:

Place candy canes in a plastic bag and hammer into 1/4-inch chunks or smaller. Melt the chocolate in a double boiler. Combine candy cane chunks with chocolate and add peppermint flavoring, if desired. Pour mixture onto a cookie sheet layered with parchment or waxed paper and place in the refrigerator for 45 minutes or until firm. Remove from cookie sheet and break into pieces (like peanut brittle).

Panettone Bread Pudding

Ingredients:

1 Italian panettone, about 1.2 pounds

Unsalted butter, for greasing the dish

3 extra-large whole eggs

8 extra-large egg yolks

5 cups half-and-half

2 tsp. pure vanilla extract

1/2 tsp. pure almond extract

1/2 cup sugar

1/3 cup sliced almonds

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Trim the dark brown outer crust from the panettone (optional). Cut the rest of the loaf in 1-inch cubes and place on a sheet pan in a single layer. Toast the panettone for 10 minutes, until lightly browned.

Grease a 9 by 12 by 2-inch baking dish with the butter. Place the panettone cubes in the baking dish.

In a large bowl, whisk together the whole eggs, egg yolks, half-and-half, vanilla and almond extracts and sugar. Pour this custard mixture over the panettone. Set aside for 10 minutes so the bread soaks up the custard. Scatter the sliced almonds over the top of the pudding.

Place the baking dish into a larger pan and add very hot tap water to the larger pan until it’s halfway up the side of the baking dish. Cover the larger pan with aluminum foil, tenting the foil so it doesn’t touch the pudding. Cut a few holes in the foil to allow steam to escape. Bake the pudding for 45 minutes. Uncover and bake for 40 to 45 more minutes, until the custard is set and the top of the pudding is light golden brown. Allow to cool for 15 minutes. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via vibe.com

By Zach Schreiber

In the World Star Hip Hop realm, viral rappers seem to appear out of nowhere, make a couple songs that get a million reblogs on Tumblr, and then disappear into mild obscurity just as quickly as they appeared. On paper, there is no real reason why Riff Raff (commonly stylized as RiFF RaFF) or the self-referred “Rap Game Bon Jovi,” should have taken that path. While stylistically similar artists Lil B and Das Racist seem to be toggling the line between sincerity and ironic absurdity of hip hop ignorance, Riff Raff is genuine in crossing the line between tastelessness and pop culture perfection. The most conflicting part is that, unlike his genre-bending contemporaries, he insists on being taken seriously.

That’s a lot to ask for a man whose first brush with fame was an appearance on the MTV reality show From G’s To Gents in 2009—a show based on the conceit that you can turn a gangster into a gentleman—where he was eliminated because the show’s host felt he was “beyond help.” It was not a completely useless experience as it gave him exposure as a rapper. Soon after, he was signed to Soulja Boy’s SODMG imprint, later followed by an eight-album deal with Diplo’s Mad Decent.

The little information that is known about his past just adds to his pop culture aura. His father is a Vietnam veteran who suffered with post-traumatic stress disorder, and he grew up with his mother in Houston after his parents divorced, also spending time in Brazil, Florida, and Arizona. The closest his lyrics get to personal are in “Orion’s Belt” where he raps, “When it comes to hateful words, I got skin like a rhinoceros / Diamonds on my binder, fourth grade I was immaculate.” His lyrics are almost all free-styled, and they consist mostly of references and impressive nonsensical wordplay, reinforced with an amazingly confident flow. The furthest lyrics from personal, and closest to absolutely ridiculous, are in “Spandex” —“(Spandex), I pull up with a lamb text / Too strudel, toaster strudel, ballin’ on you poodles / Swish! Two cougars, 40 plus, clutching Rugers.” His Internet relevance is probably rooted in the fact that his songs, released by labels or independently, are actually very good. The aforementioned “Orion’s Belt” and “Lil Mama I’m Sorry” are delivered so earnestly that it’s impossible to write them off as just a joke, like most listeners probably do.

The only hint of credibility in his career is thanks to controversial (not a term used lightly) filmmaker Harmony Korine, known for harvesting careers for Rosario Dawson and Chloe Sevigny in 1995′s Kids. He intended on casting Riff Raff to play an exaggerated version of himself in this year’s ital Spring Breakers, starring Disney teen queen Selena Gomez, High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens, Pretty Little Liars‘ Ashley Benson, and Korine’s wife Rachel as small town girls gone wild putting their lives in Riff Raff’s drug-dealing hands. Unfortunately, he couldn’t commit to the role and instead, James Franco plays an eerily accurate caricature of the rapper, right down to his cornrows and sparkling grills.

And yet, there’s a reason he wasn’t cast out with the rest of the World Star Hip Hop rejects. Maybe if we’re lucky, he’ll let us know the man behind the persona. For now, Rap Game Bon Jovi will have to do. I mean, it could be worse, right? He could be Rap Game Mark McGrath, then he’d really be shit out of luck.

For more on Riff Raff, follow him on Twitter and check out the tracks mentioned in this article in our REPLAY playlist, right here. As a special gift to you—really, the pleasure is ours—we’ve included “Tiger Woods” below for your enjoyment. You’re welcome.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via style.com by Matt Irwin

By Joelle Hyman

My senior year of high school, I lost the Best Dressed superlative to a girl who wears silk halter tops. This isn’t me holding a grudge—I’m actually relieved. To have my So Low-wearing, faded denim-loving peers actually approve of what I wore would mean I was doing something wrong. Aside from that, I’ll also admit to not being the most popular. I don’t know if the fact that I’d rather discuss Proenza instead of prescription pills made me a social pariah, but I’m sure it didn’t help.

The truth is, fashion doesn’t have to be an in-crowd game. Whether it’s high school halls or runways, there’s a group of fresh faces ready to become the next household name, even to those buried in suburban obscurity. Amongst them is Brit-import Cara Delevingne. The 20-year-old face-about-town turned model debuted as an exclusive to Burberry for their Spring/Summer 2011 campaign. This season alone, meaning September 2012 for Spring/Summer 2013, she walked 37 shows, including opening for DSquared, Burberry, and Matthew Williamson.

Much like Cindy Crawford and her iconic venture into the mainstream via Pepsi, Delevingne has lent her face to fast fashion chain Zara and even walked her first Victoria’s Secret fashion show last week. Her appeal as this season’s underdog lies in her height: While most assume that you just have to be tall to be a model, Delevingne proves that good things come in small (for a model) packages. She, apparently, stands at only 5 feet 8 inches, despite selling on her agency card as 5 feet 9.5 inches. Her tomboyish charm and infectious carefree attitude have lead designers and casting agents alike to throw her height to the curb. It proves having a personality will get you far—maybe even plucked from London society and dropped into Terry Richardson’s studio.

Delevinge sports her pre-school backpack before a designer tote and favors a crude T-shirt and gang signs—saving her “face” strictly for the runway. If she’s getting prepped in next season’s clothes, you’ll most likely find her rolling her eyes to the back of her head or pulling a monkey face. She’s not your typical model, but she puts on one hell of a show.

Walked: 59 shows in 2012, between the F/W ’12 and S/S ’13 seasons.

Covers: Style.com Print Spring/Summer 2013, Russh September 2012, i-D Pre-Fall 2012, Tush Summer 2012, Jalouse February 2012, S Moda January 2012, and Vogue UK supplement November 2011.

Campaigns: Burberry, Burberry Beauty, H&M Collection, Dominic Jones, Blumarine, Zara, and Chanel.

In the News: One high profile relationship rumor (thank you, One Direction cougar-catcher Harry Styles), and over 10 publications—including Elle UK, The Telegraph, Style.com, and Vogue—declare Delevingne the most in-demand model of the season.

Street Staples: Boxy tanks and T-shirts, chunky boots, and beanies. Cara’s favorites include tanks and hats by Dimepiece Designs, Rag & Bone jeans, Mulberry kicks, and Burberry leather jackets.

Shop Cara’s look (and look-for-less) below and browse her career highlights. With the way things are going, it won’t be long before Cara inspires other crazy, sexy, cool (like the TLC album!) girls to ditch the “We won’t wake up for less than $10,000 a day” attitude and keep it real. If it worked for Kate…right?

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Delevingne's print debut in LOVE, issue #2 Fall 2009

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via blackbookmag.com

By Ivana Monet

Despite the progressive nature of this day and age and our culture’s obsession with sex, it is still very common for people to judge and frown at others, especially women, based on the number of sexual partners they’ve been with. You often hear women question why those with multiple partners are considered “sluts” while men with multiple partners are considered “gods.” This has been a recurring question for decades and generations, and despite the several answers that have come up, the question still presents a hot debate and seems to be rooted in gender issues.

After some research and attending an open forum that discussed the issue, I learned a few reasons as to why some men feel that this double standard is correct and okay.

When it comes to discussing this issue, some people fail to realize that men are called sluts and whores too. These two are derogatory terms applied to someone who sleeps around a lot—so, yes, men can be sluts and whores, as well. These still remain powerful insults because having sex is still—seriously—associated with dirtiness, unholiness, and degradation. For some reason, despite modern times with implicit and explicit displays of sex everywhere, our culture still takes on an attitude of shame and disgust when it comes to sexual activity. This is a result of various organized religions and the conservative social structures that stem from them, which have taught us to suppress our desires and almost fear our sexuality. “Guys see girls in a purified way. If you see a beautiful girl and you find out she’s sleeping around it’s just like ‘damn’,” said an anonymous male senior. As a result, we participate in the condemnation of women, and sometimes men, who have multiple sexual partners, who have sex openly, or who aren’t afraid to announce that they enjoy having sex. To expel ourselves of our own sexual shame we call others sluts and whores which in turn destroys their reputations. But have you ever thought that maybe you’re saying this because of the simple fact that they’re doing something you wish you could but you instead hold yourself from?

Something else that everyone needs to realize is that we’re in a day and age where more women are comfortable with being as open as men are with their sexuality and are even comfortable with asking men out. If you want to sleep around a lot, then by all means go ahead—and if that makes you a god then it should make women who want to sleep around a lot gods, too. Or if that doesn’t work, then both of you should be considered sluts, which is an option I personally don’t prefer. It’s not as easy for women to score as men would like to believe, especially if they are looking for more than sex. But those who aren’t shouldn’t be called sluts for doing the exact same thing men are unless men are calling themselves the same.

So all in all, for men or women, having sex doesn’t make you a slut or whore. As long as you can admit to having multiple sexual partners, and you’re not betraying anybody by sleeping with people you know damn well you shouldn’t be, then have all the sex you want. People have sex. People have sex outside of relationships and marriage. People have sex with multiple partners. People have sex with one person. Some people don’t have sex at all. It’s all acceptable. Don’t judge or scorn others for their choice. Let people open their legs and be free or let them close their legs and be chaste.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via myfrenchheaven.com

By Kimberly Gamble

When everyone volunteers to bring something to a pre-holiday dinner, it’s easy to get anxious. Are you going to be that person who brings paper goods or a bottle of soda? Strong effort on the creative front, from you. Really.

Appetizers are a great start. They’re simple to make and give people a chance to try new things. You don’t need silverware to eat them, which is probably why they’re appealing. We genuinely enjoy the primal/child-like habit of eating with our hands, don’t we? Follow these time-honored recipes and a sweet drink with only three ingredients to get people talking at your next get together.

Champagne Sorbet Punch
Ingredients:
2 bottles Champagne
1 bottle White Wine
1 quart sherbet, preferably lemon

Directions:
Stir gently the champagne and the white wine into a punch bowl. Add a large block of ice and scoops of lemon sherbet. Garnish with frozen lemon slices. This punch makes approximately 22 servings.

Traditional Southern Deviled Eggs

Ingredients:

7 large eggs, hard boiled and peeled

1/4 cup mayonnaise

1 1/2 tbsp sweet pickle relish

1 tsp prepared mustard

Salt and pepper, for taste

Paprika, for garnishing

Sweet gherkin pickles sliced, for garnishing

Pimentos, for garnishing

Directions:
Halve 7 eggs lengthwise. Remove yolks and place in a small bowl.
Mash yolks with a fork and stir in mayonnaise, pickle relish, and mustard. Add salt and pepper, to taste.
Fill egg whites evenly with yolk mixture. Garnish with paprika, pickles and pimentos. Store covered in refrigerator.

Benny’s Beany Dip
Ingredients:

1 lb processed cheddar cheese

1 can fat-free refried beans

2 cups of salsa

Corn chips for dipping

Diced tomato or pepper for garnish (optional)

Directions:

Cut the cheese into 1-inch chunks. Go ahead and giggle because I said, “cut the cheese.”

Open the can of beans. Put the cheese, beans, and salsa in the pot.

Cook on medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the cheese is melted and the dip is the same consistency throughout. Transfer the dip to a serving dish if you like.

GAWK Behind-the-Scenes: Leaves of Change from JERK Magazine on Vimeo.

VIDEO: Rosemary Angelo, Ausrine Plioplys
PHOTOGRAPHER: Altan James
MODELS: Hannah Burch, Evan Catlett, Shelby Zink
HAIR AND MAKEUP: Sheridonna Wilson-Bedell, Annie Zhang
STYLIST: Joelle Hyman
STYLE EDITORS: Victoria Troxler, Noah Silverstein

MUSIC: “This Charming Man” – The Smiths

JERK MULTIMEDIA 2012

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via washingtonpost.com

By Shea Garner

As a kid who grew up in the 90s, I’m used to the clunkiest forms of physical media. Plastic cassettes, chunky videotapes, and their accommodating players were all key parts of my childhood. Even the introduction of the CD blew me away—I found myself perplexed by the clarity of a DVD, endlessly searching for the familiar HiFi fuzz tracking that regularly plagued my VHS copy of Jurassic Park.

The transition to digital media has been far from seamless. From MP3 players to the battle between HD-DVD and Blu-ray, it’s been quite an interesting ride. And now, it seems the industry has arrived at somewhat of a standstill. Even digital properties, like the iTunes store, are struggling to find their place in this ever-changing environment.

Why? Because whether you like it or not, physical media is basically dead. No purist wants to admit it, and it sure looks like even the industry can’t come to terms with it. Physical CD sales have been on the decline since the introduction of the iTunes store, and Netflix and VOD (Video on Demand) have essentially put Blockbuster rental stores out of business. 

The current digital media climate is even more intriguing. Popular music streaming services like Spotify and Pandora have clearly made a significant financial impact on the industry, even causing Apple scrambling to soon incorporate a streaming service of their own into the iTunes interface. Netflix and VOD services have forced Sony to include digital copies of films with all of their Blu-rays, going as far to announce a purely digital service called “Ultra-Violet.”

Color coding aside, when digital media properties are struggling to keep up with each other, it becomes more evident that physical media has breathed its last breath. I’ll be the first to pick up a vinyl copy of an album I enjoy, and one could argue that the musical quality of a record triumphs the digital counterpart. Could you say the same about a VHS compared to an HD video stream? I think not. What are your thoughts on this digital media transition? Tweet us at @jerkmagazine to let us know.

Image design by Sara Easterling, photograph by Drew Osumi

By Alexis Rodriguez

The complaints about not being able to get to Target without a car or wanting Taco Bell back in Kimmel need to be heard by someone, right? This week, Student Association is holding elections. Luckily for you, we grabbed one of the candidates, PJ Alampi, to find out more about his involvement with SA, his campaign experience, and his fear of mascots.

If you like what you see, go to your MySlice account and vote. You only have until November 15th to make your choice, so click quickly (and wisely).

When did you first become involved with Student Association?
I joined my Freshman year, the second week I was on campus.

What’s your favorite thing about Syracuse?
I can tell you it’s not the snow, but it’s definitely the school spirit and that everyone is connected to the university. Everyone wants to get involved and students want to give back and enjoy their time here at the university—and people come back to enjoy life on campus even though they have graduated.

Which celebrity do you want to punch in the face?
I’ve never been asked this question before. If I were to punch anyone in the face it would be Paris Hilton. She just dumbs down the entire nation—I mean The Simple Life…

What song you will never get sick of?
I will never get sick of—can I say a song I’m really into? I’m really into “Home” by Phillip Phillips. I don’t like American Idol right now, but that one song really caught me.

If you were an animal, which would you be and why?
I would be a two-headed zebra because it was my school mascot, which is really strange. It has two brains, so I could  bounce ideas off of myself.

Do you have any strange recurring dreams?
I tend to have a lot of dreams with mascots in them. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been afraid of mascots. When the Easter bunny would come I would hide under my table—I would even be afraid of the mascots in Disney. Otto scares the beejezus out of me but we’re still friends. Freshman year he stole my sunglasses on the quad and I was like “Why is this happening to me? I’m just a freshman!”

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?
It’s been my dream to go on a yacht or boat and sail all through Europe and see all the different countries. I’ve always wanted to do a summer or semester at sea. If I’m ever rich or famous, I’m going to get a nice boat and sail with my friends on it all throughout Europe. Or on the other hand I would want to go Atlantis—fake Atlantis [the Bahamas resort]. Not real Atlantis.

Who is your favorite celebrity?
I love Oprah—I feel like that’s a stereotypical answer though. But, my all time fave celebrity is Sophia Grace. Her and Rosie are hilarious—they sang Nicki Minaj on Ellen. They’re a little outdated, but they are my favorite celebrities. But Oprah follows right after—she should be honored.

How has the campaigning experience been so far?
It’s been fun. It’s scary at first since you don’t know what to expect. It started last spring when I met with my team and we discussed what we were going to do. My team and I have had a lot of fun with it. No matter what the outcome is, it’s been a great experience so far.

If you could trade places with anyone else for a day, who would it be?
Nancy Cantor—I just want to see what her life is. I want to see what her house looks like. How does Nancy Cantor live? She’s awesome—she’s one of my favorite people.

What food can’t you live without?
Mac and Cheese.

What’s your favorite website to procrastinate on?
I do a lot of Stumble Upon, but whenever I feel I want to procrastinate I go on Tetris Friends and play Tetris against random people. It’s really cool—I’m on level 13. If you lose you drop two levels so I try to never lose a game. It’s really fun.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
It was last year and I was taping down a wire after RA training and I leaned over and boom!—my pants split. I didn’t know what to do in that moment so I just said I’m going to go—it was a very uncomfortable moment.

Describe your worst RA experience in one word.
“Really?”

What’s your favorite TV show?
My top two are Grey’s Anatomy and Glee.

Do you have any siblings?
I’m one of four. I have two older sisters and a brother. My brother is younger than me and he’s taller—he’s 6 foot 3 inches. It’s scary. He’s a sophomore in high school.

What three adjectives would you use to describe yourself?
Quirky, understanding, and innovative.

If you were only allowed to change one thing at SU what would it be?
I would have students attend more of the unattended events on campus cause I feel that would lead to more things happening on campus and lead to a more inclusive community.

When do you feel that you are the happiest?
When I have no homework to do and I am literally just sitting and talking with people. When I’m just having random conversation I can really unwind.

What would you say your greatest achievement is?
Getting into college. I was very nervous about the whole process and was really excited to get into Syracuse.

What is your most prized possession?
Probably my laptop—If I lost it I’d be screwed.

Which famous person are you most like?
Russell from Up. I want to help and I’m determined to help. I just want to find a friend and make a difference in the world.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via womensfitness.com

By Kimberly Gamble

What better way to impress your parents and friends at home than by cooking them a three-course meal? Thanksgiving break is just a week away so you have enough time have a practice run with your roomies first.

This meal has a classic wedge salad with bacon  for an appetizer, and two entrée options. The first is fish tacos, a great way to try something new at home and everyone can customize their own.

If you want to go for a more seasonal dinner, try a whole roasted chicken.  It will cook much faster than a huge turkey, but it will prove more impressive to your family that thinks you live off of instant mac and cheese. For dessert, everyone loves a good chocolate chip cookie. Try this recipe for “big fat” cookies to win them over.

City State Diner’s Wedge Salad (serves 2)

For the croutons:

2 to 3 slices thick bread (preferably challah or other egg bread)
3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1/2 tsp white pepper
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp granulated garlic

Heat the oven to 400°F. Cut the bread in medium to large cubes. Place them in a large bowl. Drizzle the oil evenly over the bread, tossing as you go. Make sure not to soak any one piece, as that will make for a soggy crouton or two and will keep the seasoning from sticking to the rest of them. (If you have an olive oil sprayer, that is ideal to get light oil coverage on all the bread.)

Mix the thyme, white pepper, salt, and garlic together. Add this dry mix to the bread and toss to coat evenly. Spread the bread cubes in one layer on on a baking pan and bake in 5-minute intervals until they are nicely browned. (Total baking time will vary depending on your oven and the type of bread you use.) Make sure to check frequently so the croutons don’t burn.

Remove the croutons from the oven and let cool.

For the blue cheese dressing:
1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese, softened
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream
1 tbsp lemon juice
3 tsbsp buttermilk
1/4 cup chopped chives
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1 1/2 tsp black pepper

Whisk all ingredients together until mixture is smooth and well-combined.

For the bacon:
3 to 4 strips thick cut pepper bacon
1/4 cup brown sugar

Spread the bacon strips on a baking sheet. Bake the bacon in the oven at 400°F for roughly 12 minutes. Remove from the oven and sprinkle the brown sugar liberally over the hot bacon and place back in the oven for 3 to 5 more minutes or until the sugar has visibly “candied” the meat. Allow to cool slightly before serving.

For the fried tofu (as a vegetarian replacement for the bacon):

2 to 3 oz. extra firm tofu
Cornstarch
Olive oil

Heat a saucepan with about a half inch of oil on medium high heat until a drop of water “pops” when added (or to about 350 degrees). If you have a home fryer, use that instead.

Drain the tofu and cut into 1/2-inch x 1/2-inch cubes. Place enough cornstarch in a bowl to toss the tofu in. Toss the tofu in the cornstarch until nicely coated but not clumpy. Add tofu to the hot oil and fry until golden.

(Note: this cornstarch method is by far superior to any other way I have tried to fry tofu.)

To build the salad:
1/2 head iceberg lettuce
1 large tomato
1/4 cup crumbled blue cheese
1/2 cup slivered red onion
Croutons
Blue cheese dressing
Chopped bacon or fried tofu
2 tablespoons chives, or chopped fresh parsley to garnish.

Cut the lettuce into two equal wedges and place on two plates. Pour enough dressing over the lettuce to get good coverage. Cut the tomato into wedges and distribute evenly between the two plates. Sprinkle the blue cheese over this and add the slivered onion, bacon or tofu, and croutons. Garnish with chives or parsley and enjoy immediately.

Tex-wasabi Koi Fish Tacos

Ingredients:
1 lime, juiced
1 tbsp tequila
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
12 ounces cod or firm white fish, cut in 1-inch pieces
16 (8-inch) corn tortillas
Canola oil
4 oz tempura flour
8 oz prepared tempura batter made with cold water
6 oz panko bread crumbs
1 cup shredded white cabbage
1/2 cup shredded red cabbage
3 tbsp chopped cilantro leaves
1/4 cup very thinly sliced red onion

Directions:

In medium bowl, combine lime juice, tequila, cumin, salt, and pepper; mix thoroughly. Add the fish and toss to coat. Marinate for 10 minutes.

Warm tortillas on grill or pan. Cover with a towel to keep warm.

In a medium Dutch oven, heat the canola oil to 350 degrees F.

Remove fish from marinade, shake off excess, dredge in tempura flour, and dunk in cold tempura mixed batter. Roll in panko bread crumbs, pressing panko onto fish. One by one add fish to oil, making sure to keep the fish pieces separated. Fry for 4 to 5 minutes, or until light golden brown. Remove and drain on paper towels.

Mix cabbage, cilantro and onion. Stack 2 tortillas; place 1/8th of fish on top of each, and top with cabbage mixture, Pico de Gallo, and Tequila Lime Aioli. Serve immediately.

Pico de Gallo

Ingredients:

4 Roma tomatoes, diced

2 tbsp chopped cilantro leaves

1/2 red onion, minced

1 tsp minced garlic

1 jalapeno, seeded and minced

1 lime, juiced

Salt and pepper

Directions:

In a bowl, mix all ingredients, season with salt and pepper and refrigerate for 1 hour for flavors to meld.

Tequila Lime Aioli

Ingredients:

3 tbsp premium tequila

1 lime, juiced

8 oz sour cream

1/4 cup milk

2 tsp minced garlic

1/2 tsp ground cumin

2 tbsp minced cilantro leaves

Salt and pepper

Directions:

In small bowl, combine all ingredients and chill for 1 hour. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature

1/2 cup white sugar

3/4 cup packed light brown sugar

1 tsp pure vanilla extract

2 large eggs

1 (8-ounce) block dark chocolate, coarsely chopped

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper. Sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt into a medium bowl and set aside.

Place the butter, sugar, and brown sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer; cream together on medium speed until light and fluffy. Scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula. Beat in the vanilla and eggs. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the creamed mixture and continue to mix until a smooth batter forms. Turn off the mixer and fold in the chocolate chunks using the spatula.

To form the cookies, scoop about 1/4 cup of cookie dough into your hands and roll it around into a ball; place them about 3-inches apart onto the prepared cookie sheets; you should get about 4 cookies on each pan. Press down the tops of the dough slightly and bake until the cookies are light brown, 12 minutes for chewy cookies, or about 15 minutes for crispy cookies.

Allow the cookies to cool on the baking sheets for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via wikibit.net

By Joelle Hyman

A few weeks ago I sat in my apartment in a Cranberries t-shirt. The Cranberries, one of the 90s best gifts to earth, hold a special place in my Clueless-obsessed heart. (Had Elton run to the quad to get his copy of Ginuwine…The Bachelor, this would be a completely different story.) Behind me, hung a One Direction poster. The not-boys-not-yet-men have adorable accents, wear really tight pants, and have hair ironically pointing and swooping in anything but one direction. An apartment guest inquired about my apparent conflict of interest, and I was able to defend my equal respect for each band by finding their common ground.

Pop music is nothing more than a formula, from the tale-as-old-as-time narrative to the cavity-inducing hooks. Whether it be post-grunge and pre-Y2K or post-American Idol, pop is the same even though it may not appear so on the surface. And where most see an un-patchable hole between The Cranberries and One Direction, I see Sky Ferreira.

With a gap in the market for a girl who looks like Courtney Love and sells like Britney Spears, Ferreira emerged like a phoenix rising from the bubblegum-goth stardust. From the time she started pursuing a career at 15 and now, Sky tested the waters with labels that put her creative ambitions on the back burner. Writers and producers fed her tracks, like 2010”s “Obsession” that lacked in “Courtney” and over-exposed her “Britney” appeal. At 20, Ferreira is now signed with Capitol Records where she released 2011′s, As If!; a nod to the aforementioned cult-classic Clueless. The compilation still had a heavier electro tone but stayed true to her pop appeal with nonchalant sugar-coated lyrics like, “Oh, you wanna post about me / So, why not be open about it? / Don’t, do it anonymously / Speak your mind publicly or forever hold your peace / Whatever, whatever, whatever” from “Haters Anonymous.”

This month, her second EP Ghost boasts huge online buzz from culture curators like Complex, Pitchfork, and NME. With writing credits on every track, Ferreira shows her vocal and lyrical variety on soft ballads like “Sad Dream” to the beautifully ironic synth-based “Everything is Embarrassing.” The latter, produced and co-written by Ariel Rechtshaid and Blood Orange’s Dev Hynes, epitomizes Sky’s place as a lost 90s soul in an electronic Top 40 world.

For every time Ferreira sports a flannel shirt that drapes effortlessly off of her shoulders, she delivers a song equally nostalgic. Ghost‘s lead single “Red Lips” was penned by Garbage front woman Shirley Manson, one of Sky’s idols. While the content is generally more mature, you’ll still find yourself humming the bass intro and repeating the hook. “Such a big girl / such big news / such big talk / your number is up if you like it or not / what a shock”, is clearly a power chorus with heavy guitars and remnants of many Garbage tracks. Sky intends on staying in limbo between popularity in the charts and indie obscurity as long as it means she makes the music that best represents her; Ghost is just that.

Sky is not set to release her debut album this year, as planned, so you’ll have to take my word and dig into her MySpace tracks, including a dreamy cover of  Neon Trees’s “Animal,” once Ghost hits the triple digits in play count.

While I sit and bathe in the befuddled looks of favoring Brit boy bands and borderline one hit wonders of decades past, I will gladly count Sky as my happy medium. I promise it won’t be the last you hear of her. And if it is, you will have no one to blame but yourself.

Check out “Everything is Embarrassing” below and get Ghost on Spotify, along with tracks from other artists mentioned in this article. (I’m looking at you, girl about to google Garbage and The Cranberries.)

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via singlemindedwomen.com

By Bria Holness

So, now that we’ve wrapped up those nine hectic days of Halloween: As we take a walk around our neighborhoods, people prepare for the holiday season. Lights go up, Thanksgiving invites are sent, everyone is connecting with family, etc. And for all you single people, this particular time can be depressing. Yes, we know—all the couples are preparing to meet families and they’re going out on their holiday dates, being all cute. Womp, womp. You will make it through—trust me. Here are some things to keep you from feeling so depressed that you’re that family member who has to unbutton their pants mid-Thanksgiving dinner.

The holidays won’t be stressful unless you let them be. Take those precious days off to relax and catch up on the sleep you’ve been lacking so that you can come back to school finally looking refreshed, instead of like a zombie. Chill in your bed in fluffy pajamas all day with some hot cocoa or warm apple cider. Netflix all the shows you’ve been missing out on before your friends start to come home. We all know school has been taking over our lives for the past two months, so now it’s time to catch up on Walking Dead and Breaking Bad.

Secondly, take this time off to enjoy spending time with your family, especially without the pressure of having them judge your significant other. Thanksgiving is the prime time for people to introduce their significant others to their families, but since you don’t have to deal with that, enjoy it. This can actually be more stressful than people think because most of the time, they are either stressed about what their family is going to think about their significant other, or they’re preoccupied with everything their significant other is doing; making sure he or she is doing nothing wrong—as opposed to just enjoying the holiday festivities. Who needs all that trouble when you’re trying to get your grub on at Thanksgiving dinner? Not you.

Indulge in play time with all your little nieces, nephews, and cousins. You’ll be so busy giving piggyback rides and playing house that your family will forget to ask you about your love life.

And if they do…

Have talking points ready. You know sometimes these conversations are inevitable and your entire family is going to want to know how your life is going. Instead of answering with vague things like “Everything is good,” have specific things to say. Talk about something good that’s going on in your life like new friendships, joining an organization or declaring your major. This way, they won’t keep probing you about things you don’t want to talk about.

Speaking of your love life….

So you’re obviously back in your hometown for the break. And it’s been a couple of days. You’re already bored so you start figuring maybe it’s time to rekindle or spark up some relationships. Stop right there. Heed my warning before you do so—here are three people I advise you not to hook up with while you’re finding peace at home. You will regret it.

Your best friend:

It’s your best friend, so who cares? You guys understand and love each other so you can hook up and then go back to normal, right? No. This will inevitably result in disaster because you guys will never be the same after this. It can go either way: either you guys could end up in a relationship, which is a situation that will always be on thin ice because of the possibility of the falling-out of not only the relationship, but the friendship as well. And—welp—there goes your best friend. Or, someone could catch feelings and the other might not feel the same, and we all know how that goes. So, in the end, if you want to see your best friend next time you’re home without all that awkwardness, please just keep your pants on.

That person from home that you just somehow never knew: 

This may seem safe since he or she went to that other, other high school. You know, the one you think no one really associated with? Well, we all know this world is ridiculously small and somehow, some way, with time, you’ll go on Facebook or Twitter and see they’ve been involved with someone you know, or they’re getting involved with one of your good friends who’s still at home. Or, you may even come back home and he or she has fallen in love with you and wants to be in a relationship. Who wants to deal with all of that?

Your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend: 

This is a big no-no and probably the worst situation that you can get into. All this will do is harbor all the emotions, all the good times, and all the resentment. Trust me, you’re going to feel awful and ashamed of yourself afterwards and all you’ll be able to do is ask yourself why you let it happen. Unless you’re trying to build that bridge you two once burned and you’re planning to get back together— please stay away from this horrid hookup. It will not end well.

Reflecting on the past year and looking ahead to new ventures will definitely make you feel better about yourself and help from dwelling on the fact that you’re single during the holidays. At the end of the day, being single isn’t that bad. In fact, it isn’t bad until you hit the bottom of your third Ben & Jerry’s. Hey, don’t blame us.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via flickr.com/writingprogramptw

By Andrea Reindl

You’ve probably heard him  or at least heard of him singing each stop into the South Campus route microphone. His hat, his feathers, his beard—what’s not to like? He makes your day—or at the least, your bus ride—that much more pleasant. Jerk sat down with the campus-famous “Flying Busman,” Mickey Mahan to talk music, Kate Winslet, and flying saucers.

What makes you so happy? I get up every morning and put my feet on the cold floor and decide it’s going to be a happy day. I make that decision.

Who is your favorite band/musician? I have two actually. Frank Zappa who formed The Mothers of Invention, a kind of avant-garde classical ensemble. He was a tremendous voice in contemporary American music. The other one is Larry Coryell. He was a jazz musician and a big part of fusion jazz. He actually performed at the old Jabberwocky back in the 70s. I didn’t get to see him, though.

What is at the top of your bucket list? I don’t have a bucket list. I just make a habit of kicking ass at whatever I’m doing, so I don’t have a bucket list, so to speak.

Do you only drive the South Campus route? Currently, yes. The time of this particular run fit my schedule. But, I’ve been driving for 20 years and most of it I spent in the city.

Do you have any siblings? I do. I’m the oldest of five. I have two brothers and two sisters. One of my brothers, Stephen Mahan, runs the photography and literacy program out of the Warehouse. My other brother is a cabaret singer in New York City.

Where did you grow up? Geneva, N.Y. It’s a town midway between Syracuse and Rochester. It is famously known as the lake trout capital of the world. There’s a lake trout derby there every year. If you’re a lake trout-fisher-person, check it out.

What is your favorite thing about Syracuse? There are a lot of things I love about Syracuse. The people are my favorite thing, however. They’re very helpful, friendly, courteous, interesting. It’s a real mixed bag with a lot of ethnic neighborhoods and it’s changing all the time. It’s just a wonderful community and a wonderful place.

Which celebrity would you like to punch in the face? I’m not a big face-puncher. I don’t get annoyed really easy. I can’t think of anyone in the world I’d like to punch in the face, to be honest with you.

If you could have dinner with someone dead or alive, who would it be? Henry Miller. He’s my very favorite writer and he was a real lover of the “good life.” He wrote The Tropic of Cancer.

What is the most exciting thing that has happened to you while driving this bus around? I have to say, the most exciting thing has been in the last couple months. I’ve had two documentaries made about me by groups of students—one radio interview, and two articles. I’ve met a number of lovely, marvelous people, and I’ve had a chance to strut my stuff.

What do you feel about reality television? Never seen it. I’ve never watched a reality show in my life. If you think about it, the concept is interesting. The fact that you can peek in on someone else’s life—assuming that it’s real—is interesting for what it says about our society and what we value. I feel like I live in my own reality TV show, though. I don’t have time to tune into anyone else’s.

Cats or dogs? I love them both. I think I’m more of a dog person. There’s doggishness about me. My buddy calls me C-dog. But, I do admire cats’ self-confidence and selfishness. I find that inspiring. I also like their sense of humor.

What’s your best advice for dealing with Syracuse winters? Get yourself a flying saucer.

What was your first job? I worked on a tent crew in my home town during the summer in high school. We would travel around New York state and put up tents for carnivals and county fairs.

What’s your favorite food? Pizza, I guess. I have a lot of foods that I love, though.

How long have you been a bus driver? Twenty years. I’ve only been up here [on the South Campus route] since Labor Day. So, just a few months.

Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Oh, boy. I’ll be honest with you. Neither one of them does a whole lot for me. If I had to pick one it would probably be Angelina Jolie because she has sort of an edge. But, Kate Winslet would be my first choice.

What’s the story behind your hat? Of all my years at Centro, I’ve worn a number of different funky, non-regulation hats and they would repeatedly write me up in uniform regulation. So I said, enough of this, and I chose this blue hat I’m wearing. It’s not exactly company stock, but it’s close. I like to roll it up and give it a European/French tinge. As for the feather, I collect feathers. I typically find them on the garage floor in the bus station. One day I looked in the mirror, and I thought, this is a sorry sight. So I took this feather I found and stuck it in my hat, I said “Voila! That’s pretty spiffy.” So there it is, and there it stays—and so far they haven’t written me up. It keeps me light hearted—I can’t help but chuckle at myself that every time I look in the mirror. It also reminds me that sky’s the limit. But, the short answer is: I’m bald.

What’s your favorite thing about driving a bus around? I like to be in motion—I like to feel like I’m moving—like I’m on a little bit of an adventure. Everything’s always a little different. Driving a bus is like being given a key to the city. It opens up your world for you in ways other occupations wouldn’t.

What is something people don’t know about you? I’m inherently a shy individual and I think most people would be surprised to hear that. I’m not inhibited anymore, but I still have to stretch my edge every time my shyness rears its head.

What is the last song stuck in your head? I have a manuscript of poems here called The Flying Busman. I’ve been rehearsing it, so the last song stuck in my head is “The Ballad of the Flying Busman.”  I’m going to sing it for the students tomorrow, whether they want to hear it or not.

When did you start using the speaker to announce each bus stop? It’s actually a federal law under the Disabilities Act to announce certain stops for the seeing-impaired. I just started singing the stops two months ago.

If you were an animal, what would you be? A monkey.

How do you feel about Greek life at Syracuse? I think it’s probably a wonderful thing. The Greeks historically have been very inspiring people. They liked to party. If the Greek community here embodies these high (and low)-minded things, then it’s probably a good thing. It sounds like a hoot.

Describe yourself in one sentence. Mickey the Flying Busman is one bottle of piss and vinegar.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via technologytell.com

By Shea Garner

Downsizing anything seems to cause people to lose their shit. The recession hit, jobs were cut, and we bore witness to Occupy Wall Street and possibly the most entertaining presidential election in decades. DirecTV shrunk down a giraffe to lap-size and accomplished a ridiculously successful viral marketing campaign. So what was Apple’s next move after the launch of the iPhone 5? Miniaturize the iPad, obviously.

Last week, Apple introduced the 7.9-inch iPad mini. Somewhere between the size of your iPhone and the original iPad, the mini is clearly a product introduced to compete with Amazon’s fairly successful Kindle Fire line of e-readers. Available in both Wi-Fi and 3G models, the iPad mini is priced significantly lower than its full-size counterpart.

But what gives? Why would anyone buy an iPad mini if they already own an iPhone or even an iPad? Essentially, Apple just has the “cool kid” factor on their side. Whenever they introduce a new product, it’s all anyone seems to talk about on this side of the blogosphere. The mini boasts a gorgeous display with HD video capability, even over FaceTime. Its size is a lot easier to handle with one hand than that of the original iPad, which can be clunky and rather heavy at times.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I fucking love my iPad. It’s like holding the entire web in your hand (or in the big boy iPad’s case, hands). But, in all fairness, I’m a fanboy too, and I’ll be damned to not admit that the iPad mini doesn’t look cool as shit. My advice? If you’re looking to purchase a tablet and want something a bit more capable than your iPhone, get the mini. You’ll be the coolest kid in the libarary. Or, erm, the iBook store. What do you think of the iPad mini? Tweet us at @jerkmagazine and let us know.

Ursula Rozum, the Congressional Green Party Candidate for the Syracuse area, picks fresh kale from the garden.

Story and Photos by  Christina Sterbenz

Ursula Rozum stands in her kitchen, her hands overflowing with strange, leafy greens. “Kale belongs to the Brassica family—the same family as broccoli,” she says. Suddenly, Rozum crinkles her nose. “Look—aphids.” She shows the undersides of a few leaves, revealing light green bumps. “They’re born pregnant, you know. I just won’t use these.” She opens a dirty container on the ground, the compost, and tosses the inedible stalks inside. She’ll use them later as fertilizer for the backyard garden, where she picked the kale only minutes earlier. But Rozum doesn’t spend all her time playing in the dirt. She has to campaign, too.

If Rozum, 28, wins New York’s 24th district election this November, she’ll become the youngest member of the current Congress. As the Green Party candidate, she raises money, meets with voters, attends debates—the usual activities. But she doesn’t do any like Dan Maffei (D) or Ann Marie Buerkle (R). They receive funding from companies like Goldman Sachs and Lockheed Martin. Rozum doesn’t have access to resources like that. She doesn’t even have health insurance. Through “peace, justice, and a Green New Deal,” she sets herself apart as contending candidate—even with only 7 percent of the vote.

Howie Hawkins, Rozum’s campaign manager, helped found the Green Party in 1984. According to him, only 19 percent of voters know about Rozum’s candidacy. Yet 37 percent who do, report they’ll vote for her. And Hawkins has experience with voters. In 2010, he ran for governor of New York. He didn’t win. But he gained almost 60,000 votes, allowing the gubernatorial ballot to include Greens for the next four years. For Rozum’s name to grace the congressional ballot, 5 percent of registered Green Party voters had to sign a petition. Of course, these barriers affect national politics too. None of the presidential debates featured another Green Party hopeful, Jill Stein. But her name will appear on 85 percent of ballots. “Our goal is to get Ursula featured in the media as much as possible,” Hawkins says. Proportions suggest that if all voters knew Rozum existed, she could expect about 72 percent of the vote. If only running for office proved that simple. The U.S. operates under a “winner-take-all plurality system,” as Hawkins describes. Whichever candidate gets the most votes, wins. Rozum and Maffei could each receive 30 percent of the vote, totaling 60 percent, while Buerkle lands 40 percent. Here, a Republican takes home the victory even though most voters supported a Democrat or Green, candidates with liberal policies.

Such vehement loyalty to the two-party system infects the political atmosphere with a dangerous syndrome: voting for the lesser of two evils. Sentiments like “A vote for Rozum is a vote for Buerkle” litter the comment well of Syracuse University Professor David Rubin’s Post-Standard guest column about the her candidacy. Historically, the public has only elected three presidential candidates without a major party affiliation— all in the 1800s. “People should vote for a candidate based on their character and platform, not because they know the system distorts results,” Hawkins says. “They shouldn’t have to settle for less than what they really want.”

Both Hawkins and Rozum believe The Post-Standard covered the Green’s campaign better than previous years. But CNY media still portray Rozum as an underdog, a quirky addition to the race without any real hope of winning. In his award- winning column “Sanity Fair,” Ed Griffin-Nolan of the Syracuse New Times writes that Greens should worry Rozum’s campaign will take votes from Maffei, sending Buerkle back to Capitol Hill. He never considers the opposite: Maffei sniping support for Rozum.The photo accompanying the piece also shows Rozum riding her bike. As the Green candidate, yes, she wants to better the environment, but Hawkins reminds voters that not all Greens have hippie sensibilities. “We’re mostly working class people,” he says. He would know. He and his Dartmouth education work the night shift unloading trucks for UPS.

Back in the kitchen, Rozum keeps spilling coffee all over her “Anti-capitalist, Pro- community” T-shirt. As members of the Bread and Roses Collective, a cooperative house in the Westcott Neighborhood, Rozum and her roommates pepper the inside with propaganda preaching similar slogans. A magnet on the vintage, maroon refrigerator reads, “An anarchist is someone who doesn’t need a cop to tell them what to do.” But Rozum and her housemates embrace supporting a common goal. Everyone in the co-op has a job. While Rozum takes trash duty, others wash the compost buckets or tend to the garden. “We all spend one to two hours a week on chores,” Rozum says. “It’s not bad.”

Rozum keeps excess campaign signs outside her back door, near the compost buckets.

That same emphasis on personal responsibility motivated Rozum to run in the first place. “I was looking at my opponents, and I just didn’t see a choice there,” she says. Rozum waited to hear discussions that never came: student debt, the environment, the military industrial complex. “I didn’t see someone that was going to offer any long term solutions,” she admits. She couldn’t have. The public rarely knows whether candidates can deliver results because candidates hardly ever take firm stances on issues. A study published in the October 2012 Journal of Management Inquiry shows that voters consider vagueness a virtue—whether they realize or not. The authors write, “Specific policy proposals are usually ineffective in winning votes because they appeal to relatively narrow audiences and often alienate groups needed to forge consensus.” As Hawkins sees, voting now relies more on ethos than pathos. “We are sold candidates the same way they sell Pepsi versus Coke. It’s about appealing to voters’ emotional side instead of any substance.”

Unlike others, Rozum doesn’t shy away from taking stances on the issues. Her website, ursulaforcongress.com, has a tab entitled “Issues,” which outline her goals in plain language. She even quantifies some of them: 50 percent cuts to military spending and net-zero carbon emissions by 2025. “It might not happen, but at least we’re setting a goal. That conversation has to happen,” Rozum says. She also supports free public education from pre-school to graduate school, Medicare for all, and most important, the Green New Deal. Reminiscent of economic stimulation surrounding World War II, the Green New Deal addresses what Rozum and others before her see as the U.S.’ two biggest concerns: unemployment and the environment. “We need to get out of the recession through direct public employment,” she says. “The Green New Deal would create jobs in the transition to sustainable energy.” President Roosevelt saw Germany as a threat, and to oversimplify, he used the war as stimulation for the economy, ending the Great Depression. While Rozum supports peace, she sees non-renewable energies, including hydrofracking, as a threat just as serious as war. And she’ll use job creation to combat these issues. “Climate change is a crisis. Unemployment is a crisis. We need to have that same kind of imperative like we had back in the forties,” she says. While Rozum admits much of the funding for jobs would come from the federal level, Greens also favor government decentralization. Local municipalities, instead of the national government, would decide which jobs to create to meet the needs of the area.

Rozum does that almost every day at work. As the sole staff organizer for the Syracuse Peace Council, the oldest grassroots organization focused on peace and social justice in the country, she creates “people power.” She mobilizes the public to participate in the local community. Every Wednesday, Peace Council employees take turns making lunch. Today, Rozum plans to cook black beans and rice. She got the recipe when she studied in Cuba, where she also learned Spanish—just one of the four languages she speaks. As she chops onions, one of her roommates strolls into the kitchen. “I spent so much money on rice today—like $8,” Rozum complains. With $30,000 in student loans, this ballot newcomer has to watch her spending. Her campaign therefore relies entirely on volunteers, much like the Peace Council. “I always think that if I just had a little bit more money, I could hire a staff and get my numbers up,” Rozum admits. She does, however, stand firmly against “corporate personhood,” a term she uses when large corporations flex their monetary muscles. Her campaign even promises a Constitutional amendment to reverse the Citizens United decision, a landmark case which upheld unions’ and corporations’ right to fund political parties.

Busy campaigning, Rozum confesses she sometimes neglects her chores at the Bread and Roses Collective. “The hardest part is when you feel like you’re not pulling your own weight,” she says. “I know that’s a problem for people who can’t find work or have a hard time supporting their families. They get frustrated.” Rozum thinks if everyone shares responsibility, the U.S. will run more smoothly. Her campaign doesn’t depend on the government’s size, like Democrat and Republican platforms, but instead, government’s role. “A lot of the debates have been about whether we need big government or small government,” she says. “I think it’s an issue of good government, government by the people.”

Image design by Sara Easterling

By Alexis Rodriguez

It’s not often that you’re interested in the life and times of a freshman. They’re confused, generally trying hard, and have so many questions about everything. Once in a blue moon—literally once—you find a handful of freshmen that aren’t so…freshmen-y? This week, we caught up with Drew Osumi, whom we’ve deemed part of the rare breed of first years, to talk selfies with the Dalai Lama, some ground-level Syracuse perceptions, and why he’d gladly sport some bruised knuckles in the name of Bieber Fever.

What’s your favorite thing about Syracuse?

My favorite thing about Syracuse University is the large diversity of people and the different cultures that I am surrounded by.

How old were you when you first got into photography?

I first started taking photos in seventh grade in Berlin, Germany. I used my mother’s point-and-shoot camera. It was very basic. Then my father purchased his first DSLR camera. I started playing around and taking photos with his camera. I fell in love with the way you can change the different settings and see the consequences of those different settings immediately after you take the photo. Then, during Christmas of 2006, I received my first DSLR camera. It was very basic, but it helped start my photographic passion. I started taking most of my photos in high school, where I took pictures for my yearbook and newspaper.

What’s the weirdest dream you’ve had?

When I was seven years old I was in my hometown in Morgan Hill, Cali,. and I was constantly running away from zombies. I then trapped myself inside of my elementary school, where I then boarded a huey helicopter, where they took me up, and I started shooting from the machine gun and killing dinosaurs. I have no recollection of any events after that moment.

What’s something people don’t know about you?

I like eating a lot of food.

Who is your celebrity crush?

Paul Walker because ever since I saw him in <<ital Too Fast Too Furious>> driving the Nisson Skyline R34 I have been incredibly jealous of him because he drove my dream car, but then eventually crashed it.

What do you love most about being a photographer?

I like seeing people’s emotions when I take pictures and I like seeing their reactions to the photos I take. I also like knowing that the photos I take will be a part of their lives forever.

What is something we would find in your refrigerator?

Yogurt, water bottles—currently we have a cake sitting in there that we need to defrost and it needs to be frosted. Defrost and frost. (chuckles)

What is one of the most exciting things that has ever happened to you?

My friend was driving me and there were these set of train tracks coming up over this crest. My friend floored and we jumped the car. All four wheels were off the ground.

What’s your biggest fear?

Failing people—like disappointing them.

What’s the farthest place you’ve traveled to?

Japan

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

I like the Dunkaccino from Dunkin Donuts.

What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?

Hobo with a Shotgun. It’s about a hobo that goes around killing people and at the end of the movie a woman gets part of her arm cut off and stabs a man with the radius bone in her arm.

Which celebrity you want to punch in the face?

Either Justin Bieber or Lindsay Lohan. I thought Lindsay Lohan was attractive, but then everything bad happened to her. And then I would punch Justin Bieber, just to touch him, so that my hand would be worth half a million dollars.

What do you love to take pictures of the most?

Cars and people.

Olivia Wilde or Olivia Munn?

Olivia Munn.

What are three adjectives to describe yourself? 

Honest, logical, and caring.

Tell us about meeting the Dalai Lama.

I didn’t really meet the Dalai Lama, per say, but he came towards all the photographs and videographers in the press room because he wanted a photo with all of us. Right before he was about to get up I asked him if I could get a picture with him and he said sure—Or he mumbled something which I assumed was in agreement to my question and I just quickly took the photo with my iPhone, and I knew I had captured the money shot of that night, and I quickly uploaded it to Instagram and Facebook.

How did you get involved with the yearbook?

For the yearbook, I’m a photographic editor and I’m in charge of four of the photographers. The way I found the yearbook was through an email I received through VPA and I saw that the yearbook was looking for a photo editor and I went in and interviewed for a photography position and I gave them a letter of recommendation from my high school yearbook teacher. I also showed them my different photos in my portfolio and then they asked me a couple of questions about how well I do working with people and the different things I do photography-wise and then they said they would get back to me within three days.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via thecampuscompanion.com

By Bria Holness

As quoted in our favorite movie of all time, Mean Girls, “In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Somehow, Halloween has turned into a holiday-pass to wear absolutely nothing and get away with it. Every costume available—even what we would consider the most innocent on a regular day: Spongebob, Dora, or an angel for goodness sake—has the ability to turn into something naughty.  All you have to do is shorten the skirt, turn the shirt into a crop top, and put the word “sexy” in front of it, and there you go.  Yes, this can be fun to do, but in some way this ruins the concept of Halloween and what it is all about.

Halloween is supposed to be a day of self-expression in which people bond and connect with each other about unique costume ideas. However, it has somehow evolved into an incentive for women to look as sexy as possible, resulting in less and less clothes every year.  Obviously, these costumes are attractive because they show lots of skin, but it turns out costumes with more cloth and creativity embedded within them are actually the ones that receive more attention.

Nothing turns a guy on more than humor. Wearing a sexy costume will only attract staring eyes because your outfit has been designed in a way to put your body out there in the open.  When you put on the sexy bunny or angel costume, there isn’t really much to talk about because not only is it another attempt at the infamous slutty costume but it’s also been seen everywhere before.  By creating an outfit that is creative, original, and crafty, you will intrigue people with your mind and personality, as opposed to just your body.  As much as they won’t admit it, the reality is that most guys actually would rather ladies be different and avoid wearing the infamous slutty costumes. Why? The truth is some of these costumes can be intimidating and may actually make you more unapproachable than you think.  The blatant sex appeal of your costume may be too much—and not necessarily in a good way.

For these upcoming Halloween festivities try finding a balance between being sexy, but also approachable. Just because you want to be a sexy devil doesn’t mean the devil doesn’t wear pants. Put on some black skinny jeans, get your devil horns-headband and your pitchfork, and call it a day.  Your sexy costume has now become cute and approachable instead of threatening. Remember, you don’t need a tight revealing leotard and short tutu to be sexy.  Showing a different mindset and personality is even sexier.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via about.com

By Kimberly Gamble

A bad Halloween party only has candy. A mediocre Halloween party has candy and drinks. A great Halloween party has the candy you haven’t had the nerve to crunch into since 2003—also known as, the best kind—plus food and drinks.

Don’t panic, you don’t need to be a top chef in order to make a tasty for your haunted shin-dig. Try these simple recipes made with easy to find (and use) ingredients.

Slime Rick-eyes

Ingredients:

2 cups of seedless green grapes

2 cups of sugar

1 cup of fresh lime juice (about 10 limes)

8 cups of club soda

1 cup of gin

Directions:

Freeze grapes until firm, about 1 hour. Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, stir together sugar and lime juice and bring to a boil. Simmer until the sugar has dissolved and the liquid is syrupy, about 2 minutes. Let it cool completely for 30 minutes.

In a punch bowl or pitcher, stir together the lime syrup, club soda, frozen grapes, and gin. Serve immediately.

Bloody Rum Punch

Ingredients:

1 750 ml. bottle of DonQ Cristal rum

1/2 bottle of red wine

6 oz. fresh lime juice

6 oz. triple sec liqueur

6 oz. simple syrup

2 limes sliced in thin wheels, not wedges

2 blood oranges sliced in thin wheels, not wedges

Preparation:

Add all ingredients to large punch bowl and place in refrigerator for at least two hours before serving.

Serve over ice in a punch glass.

Freaky hot dog fingers

Ingredients:

1 package of hot dogs

1 package of crescent rolls

Directions:

Cut hot dogs in half, widthwise, and into quarters, lengthwise.

Open a package of crescent dough and roll with rolling pin until thin. Cut the dough into strips, and wrap around each hot dog piece leaving a bit of the tip uncovered. Bake for about 15 minutes or until golden brown.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via collegestudentmagazine.com

By Natasha Schuyler

Anyone who takes a gander the Class of (insert your graduating year here) Facebook group sees it swamped with people trying to sell their old textbooks, tickets, furniture, or, well, anything for that matter. Joshua Anderson is trying to tidy up Facebook, and move that business to his company, Uvalue.

Anderson used to have a part time job buying textbooks from students until he realized he could make this process easier. He started working on the concept of Uvalue and was then accepted as a Kauffman Entrepreneurship Engagement Fellow. He officially founded the site in May and is working on improving it and getting the word out that it even exists.

The online marketplace works similar to eBay and Amazon, except Uvalue takes only a 12 percent commission compared to the 16 percent cut eBay and Amazon take. Anderson will expand the site first throughout the state and then nationally, but Syracuse students can rejoice because the site will direct them to a specific school page, no matter how big Uvalue gets. So, not only do users keep more of their money, but the buyer is right on campus.

“For me to have a business so soon and to build something that is scalable and can have an impact, that doing something on the web was the best way to go,” Anderson said.

Uvalue holds the money for 48 hours to make sure the product works and sends the money to the seller afterwards. If you get ripped off and notify them within two days, the refund is all yours. But if you’re lazy and wait, then it’s your own damn fault. Anderson wants to create a sense of security with this policy and uses college email addresses to help verify people.

One hundred students have already taken the plunge: It’s about time Facebook becomes less of an advertisement and more of place to stay in touch with friends—let Uvalue be your college’s online-store.

Image design by Sara Easterilng, image via doughertys.net

By Andrea Reindl and Alexis Rodriguez

You’re running rampant around Syracuse’s various costume shops for that perfect disguise—be it full-coverage or barely there. Of the various bagged-costume shops and pairs of animal ears, Dougherty’s Masquerade stands on its own as a Central New York institution. We caught up with the shop’s Director of Operations, Tair-Chad B. Parsnow, to talk ghosts, Les Mis, and Audrey vs. Marilyn.

In one sentence, what do you do all day? I help people be who they want to be.

How did Dougherty’s Masquerade get started? It actually started as a novelty store in the ‘70s selling things like plastic vomit. Soon in the October months, demand became high for costumes, so we started carrying them. In 1985, the decision was made to stop the novelties (they were becoming passé anyway) and go to full time masquerade.

Do you believe in ghosts? I do. I bought a house here in Syracuse and it’s 114 years old. The house came with an abstract when I bought it, and the story according to the abstract was that it was built for a doctor and his family. A couple months after they moved in, the wife and kids were found slain, and the doctor was found in the attic hanging from a noose. I’ve heard the children playing ball in the living room and my pets freak out and won’t even go into the attic.

What’s your favorite thing about Syracuse? I grew up in New York City, and it was very intense. What I like about Syracuse is that it’s the same diversity and urban feel without the stress, pressure and attitude of New York City. It’s also a lot easier to get around. So, I guess I would say it’s that feel of being in a city without being in New York City. It’s like New York City, but polite.

What celebrity would you most like to punch in the face? Ke$ha. She just really irritates me. She has this annoying ‘I’m drunk and I’m proud of it’ thing going on. She’s like a female frat boy.

What’s the top item on your bucket list? I’ve actually done a lot of things on my bucket list already. So, I guess sky-diving. I’ve always wanted to do that.

What’s your favorite scary movie? The Shining. Gory movies don’t interest me (it’s what I do for a living). I love psychological horror. I like the mental aspect of it. And, the casting is brilliant.

So what type of person rents the full-body costumes? If they were a demographic that would make life easier. Anything from college students to senior citizens. Anyone who wants awesome costumes without the price.

What’s something most people don’t know about you? For a year and a half, it was my job to “commit suicide” twice a day by jumping off a bridge. I was an actor.

What was the best thing to happen to you in college? Graduation.

What was your first job? The National Touring Company of Les Miserables. I was Javert (hence the bridge-jumping).

How do you feel about reality TV? I hate reality TV. I have enough drama and reality in my day-to-day life that when I get home, I don’t need anyone else’s. I want an escape when I watch TV. A good narrative or script helps me escape.

If you could be one type of candy, what would it be? I would be a Peppermint Patty. I have a dark exterior, but inside, I’m cool and calm.

What is your favorite Halloween costume? My werewolf. I do a full prosthetic thing. It gets the best reaction when people see it.

 Where and how did you learn to do full prosthetic makeup? I went to school for it. I majored in business and minored in theater. It came to me pretty easily. It’s like sculpting but with a face instead of clay.

What is your favorite “genre” of makeup? Horror is my favorite makeup. I like the zombie stuff especially.

Audrey Hepburn or Marilyn Monroe? Audrey Hepburn. Marilyn Monroe was pretty, but Hepburn was a consummate actress.

Ice-cream or frozen yogurt? You know, since Yogen Früz opened in the mall, that’s a really difficult question. I’m going to say frozen yogurt, but only if it’s from Yogen Früz.

Do you like haunted houses? I’m a fan of haunted houses, but they don’t really scare me. I like seeing the different technique of all haunted houses, and I get a kick out of seeing how scared everyone gets.

Favorite food? Paneer shahi korma. It’s an Indian dish. It’s rich, creamy, spicy curry sauce usually over chicken and rice.

Cats or dogs? Both. I can’t like one or the other.

So what’s your favorite musical (other than Les Miserables)? I would have to say Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

What is your favorite website to procrastinate on? Reddit.

Romney or Obama? Obama. I’m very firmly convicted in that.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via wikipedia.com

By Bria Holness

Think back to the infamous and mostly universal parental warning—no sex until marriage. They probably didn’t even mean it, unless you were born into a family with strict morals about sex. I think the gist of the message was to help us realize the symbolism and importance of sex and how its rare intimacy should seal some type of relationship, particularly a serious romantic one. Then again, it could have just been caution to keep you from whoring yourself around.

Either way, once we reach college, that all flies out of our minds—along with our shirts and bras. All types of relationships are mushed into one concept—dating is turned into simply hooking up. And the fuel for this emotional and physical jumble lies within the social structure of a college campus. First off, majority of people come to college thinking it’s a general free for all. And once sex becomes easier to get, real emotions and feelings become harder to find.

As a generation completely invested in instant gratification, we focus on momentary satisfaction. Not only do we want everything at our disposal in the matter of seconds, but we’re constantly looking for the next best thing. This plays a huge role in the nature of sexuality on a college campus and explains why hooking up with someone different every other weekend has become a norm in this environment.  So instead of sex being perceived as an actual joining of two individuals, a type of intimacy in which you fully surrender and give yourself to another, sex has merely become another physical activity.

This same action used to be a token of a relationship and was something that not only had value, but also was worked for.  Now, many aren’t willing to work for something that they can get somewhere else. Or if they have worked a little for it but no relationship has been established, they see no need to make it official when you can basically get the gratification without commitment. Once people start feeling something for another, many withdraw, afraid of being made vulnerable, especially in such a threatening environment—a sex-centric place that holds a real possibility for hurt. But more importantly, catching feelings would mean the possibility of not only restrictions, but also possible complications, arguments, and stress, things people are not willing to deal with when sexual relations are so easily found.

But every relationship doesn’t have to be solely about sex. People need to be upfront with one another and stop this trend that our generation has created, distorting dating into nothing more than hooking up.

But avoiding the heartache isn’t always possible. Still, prepare yourself by establishing whatever type of relationship you’re getting yourself into from the beginning. This will avoid any dissonance or disappointment.  It may be a nerve-wracking matter to speak what’s on your mind, but it’s always best to be on the same page from the get-go so that no one builds any blind sighted expectations. In the end, these will only lead to arguments, stress, and complications—the very things that everyone seems to be trying to avoid in the first place.

Or maybe we should all just listen to our parents and wait until marriage.  If it’s too late, then embrace the horniness. Just make sure you bring along protection—and not just for the physical.

Image design by Sara Easterling

By Kexin Zheng

When her producer eagerly shared this “hilarious Korean music video” early in July, Esther Kim, a Korean-American Television Radio Film major then interning at CNN Atlanta, did not laugh very hard. “This is how he usually comes up with his music. It wasn’t really surprising,” Kim says.

However three months later, this Korean rap single “Gangnam Style” has surprised the world with its music video and dance moves that mimic riding on an invisible galloping horse. The rapper, writer and choreographer, PSY (short for Psycho), has received 479,777,291 views on YouTube, remains No. 2 on Billboardʼs Hot 100 and made fans like Ellen, Googleʼs CEO Eric Schmidt, and even Filipino prisoners across the world gallop at work, school and on national television. And when PSY deliberately waived his copyright to the hit song, the social media world instantly became obsessed as well.

YouTube now carries over 230,000 videos with the word “Gangnam Style” in the title.  “Without the video, there would be no discussion of its popularity,” says Theo Cateforis, associate professor of music, history & cultures at Syracuse University. “The video incorporates a healthy dose of humor and dance moves that are easy to learn and repeat, and imagery that to American audiences is both exotic and novel.”

Korean pop stars are usually boy bands who sing and dance while looking fantastic. PSY is none of that. Born and raised in a wealthy family in Seoul, PSY came to the U.S. to study management at Boston University and later continued to study at the Berklee College of Music. He graduated from neither, yet learned to synthesize American electronic beats into Korean pop while eliminating the Asian innocence and Western cynicism. MeeRa Lee, a faculty fellow of Asian studies, credits the “kitschiness” of the song and the video to its popularity across cultures. “The power ʻGangnam Styleʼ in both the Korean and global context is the power of low culture that everybody can relate to. Everybody can laugh about it without understanding the lyrics.” Lee says.

Critics of the video find it comical but that is not all. When digging deeper into the content and critics claim that it serves as a satire of the luxurious lifestyle of residents of Gangnam, a 15-square-mile neighborhood that accounts for seven percent of South Koreaʼs GDP. Home to the countryʼs most expensive brands and apartments, the area also produces six percent of the students at Korea’s top national university and the majority of Koreans studying abroad.

Although the irony in the lyrics might seem obvious to Korean speakers, the satire remains unclear to those unfamiliar with the language. Rather than criticizing the rich who live in the area, the tune criticizes the outsiders who desire the fancy life and want to be associated with the “style.” Nevertheless, PSY claims himself both in the lyrics and publicly, to be the authentic Gangnam style or something that others cannot obtain if they were not born and raised there. “The implication that he wants to implant in his song is, in fact, magnifying the very division between the two classes, instead of actually unifying it,” Lee explained.

The song opens with its first line saying “Oppan Gangnam style,” which translate to “Your big brother I, am the Gangnam style.” As the Minnesota- based Korean blogger Jea Kim points out in the comments below the YouTube video, many people first thought what he said was “Open condom store.”

Most listeners think “Gangnam Style” as just another comical music video, yet for Michael Choi, an American-born Korean studying film at SU, the worldwide Gangnam phenomenon sparked the idea for a flash mob. Choi created the Facebook event for a Gangnam style flash mob on the SU quad the Saturday before Halloween. More than 200 students have signed up to attend, but with sponsorship from Sony and Redbull, Choi envisions a 600 hundred member mob with students all dressed in Halloween costumes. He compares PSY to the first Asian American NBA player Jeremy Lin. “I took it as an opportunity for almost everybody, but mainly Koreans, that if you have the balls to make something and put it out there, you will never know what happens.”

Don’t know how to “Gangnam Style” yet? Want to participate in the flash mob? Head over the quad Saturday, October 27th, 2012 @ 2PM, for a quick dance tutorial and the announcement for the secret time/location of the Flash Mob. Redbull and Sony will be there to giveaway free SWAG! Best costumes will be awarded with cash and other giveaways.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via indulgy.com

By Kimberly Gamble

Want a salty snack? Need to satisfy your sweet tooth? Instead of Ramen and cookies, try a more sophisticated option to satisfy your taste buds.

Sweet and salty snacks are great because they satisfy the sugar lovers and the savory snack cravers. These easy recipes will surely be a big hit at your next gathering. (Or your party for one with Netflix and a blanket.)

Chocolate-dipped pretzels

Ingredients:

8 oz. of semisweet chocolate

18 pretzel rods (from a 10-ounce bag)

Instructions:

Line a rimmed baking sheet with waxed paper and set aside.

Break semisweet chocolate into small pieces and place in a microwave-safe dish.

Microwave on high in 30-second increments, stirring after each, until the chocolate is just melted (about 1 minute).

Remove and stir until smooth.

One at a time, roll one end of the pretzel rod into melted chocolate and, using a spoon, coat each 3/4 of the way up.

Place pretzels on the prepared baking sheet.

Refrigerate until set (about 15 minutes).

Sweet and salty fudge

Prep time: 15 minutes

Cook time: 10 minutes

Total time: 25 minutes

Serves: 32 pieces

Ingredients:

6 tbsp of butter

1/2 cup of cocoa

1 pound box of powdered sugar

4 tbsp of milk

1 tbsp of vanilla extract

1 cup of salted mixed nuts (leave in whole pieces)

Preparation:

Line a loaf pan with aluminum foil and grease with butter.

Melt butter on top of double boiler over simmering water.

Add cocoa and stir until mixed.

Add the rest of the ingredients, except the nuts.

Stir until smooth and the sugar has melted.

Stir in the nuts.

Quickly spread in the loaf pan.

Cool and cut into squares.

The Sweet and Salty

Ingredients:

1 ½ ounces of white Bacardi rum (or your rum of choice)

1 lemon

Salt

Coke

Squirt

Instructions:

Fill a pint glass to the top with ice.

Cut the lemon in half and squeeze half into the glass coating the ice.

Pour your shot of rum in and then fill the glass with Squirt.

Pour in a little Coke—just enough to change the color of the drink to light brown.

Put salt on the other half of the lemon and salt the rim, then squeeze the lemon into the drink.

Add a couple shakes of salt directly into the drink, stir a little, and enjoy!

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via etsy.com

By Natasha Schuyler

Gianna Whitver was at a garage sale and she set her eyes on a button machine. The owner asked $15 for the machine and supplies. They usually sell for nearly $300. Whitver snatched it up without hesitation.

Hard at work, Whitver’s hand starts meticulously drawing an eyeball. She then colors it with red marker and dots the inside with yellow. The result is an eye fit for a Halloween monster—perfectly fitting to the style of Whitver’s work. Several of her buttons feature “Fuck off,” or some variation of the expletive. She also recycles old books, that otherwise would be trash, and cuts pieces out of them to press into buttons.

Whitver, a junior creative advertising student, doesn’t know why she sells her buttons. “I was going to say, because people have an interest in buying them—but that might be something my brain made up,” Whitver said.

Whitver’s Portable Art buttons are sold on Etsy and at Sweet Joey’s, in Asbury Park, New Jersey. The owner of Sweet Joey’s became interested when he saw Whitver’s sister, Christina, walking around sporting the buttons. “After a couple of days I dropped in and asked if he wanted to see my buttons. He was like ‘yeah.’ It wasn’t sexual,” Whitver said laughing.

The buttons are a way to loosen up, and Whitver enjoys making new things. “It’s relaxing and a way to be creative,” she says.

Whitver now has two machines: One for one-inch buttons and one for those a little over two inches. As she demonstrates how to use the machine, a large brown box is still filled with button shells for future use.

It’s simple: Draw, place, press—c’est fini.

You can browse and purchase Gianna’s buttons on Facebook and Etsy, respectively.

Image design by Sara Easterling

By Shea Garner

Now that we’re balls-deep in the presidential debates, it’s hard to ignore the influence that social media has had on the 2012 election. No one seems afraid to voice his or her political opinion now that every Peter, Paul and Mary has some form of social networking outlet to utilize. Not that it’s a bad thing—but where do we draw the line?

The first two presidential, as well as vice presidential, debates have been wildly entertaining. YouTube’s politics channel live-streamed a high quality broadcast of the verbal smack-down, which is still available for those who missed its first live air-play. The web is a generous tool when it comes to unearthing facts about different parties or candidates.

While access to any information about the future of our country is great, enduring the extensive live-tweeting during these events is damn near impossible From the humorous quips to the misinformed anarchists, the Twittersphere is full of assholes under the allusion that they function as micro-celebrities, one tweet away from their moment of fame. We’re all guilty of it.

But where do these Generation Y voters go when they need real information? A percentage of the vote belongs to those addicted to their Facebook news feed, possibly believing the leftists or conservative diarrhea that Uncle Rob is privileged enough to spew to his few (read: less than 20) internet pals. It’s tough to separate the meat from the bones of opinion from the blogosphere. Respected political journalists can write for high profile outlets like The New York Times or Rolling Stone, but it’s still just that—an opinion.

With the last presidential debate approaching—it’s tonight at 9 p.m.—and the election looming, a suggestion would be to put down your laptop, smartphone, or tablet and give the candidates your full attention. What @candylover666 has to say about Obama’s birth residency is irrelevant. What do the candidates have to say about your future and the issues you truly care about? Ironically, you can—and should—tweet us @JerkMagazine if you feel any differently.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via studyprof.com

By Shelby Netschke

In a perfect world, there would be no Monday mornings, dining hall food would be edible, and we would all get our work done on time. In real life, however, we procrastinate until we’re forced to pull the dreaded all-nighter. We at Jerk are going to teach you how to stay up all night the right way—but keep in mind that this should be used emergencies only, much like that $50 bill your parents leave when they go away for the weekend.

Prepare yourself before you wreck yourself.

Once you hit the point of no return tonight, you won’t be able to muster enough energy to hit the lights. And you know that tomorrow morning will very likely be one of the worst you will ever face. Prepare yourself by picking out a comfortable outfit (read: frumpy) that you can roll into on your way out the door. Also make sure you set your alarm, pack breakfast, and most importantly, take a shower before you even sit down to open that book.

Feed your brain.

Tonight you will eat like you’re running a marathon―a mental marathon. Avoid large meals and instead frequently snack on protein and carbs to keep your energy up. Stay away from overly sugary or fatty foods that will only make you sluggish and lead to crashing and burning. Turn to whole grains, nuts, fruits, and veggies to keep that Energizer Bunny pace going. Remember to stay hydrated by drinking as much water as possible. What good will all that studying do if you pass out during the test?

Don’t overdose on caffeine.

As tempting as it may be to down a six-pack of Mountain Dew, too much caffeine will only make this night far worse; you will be wired and anxious, and it will keep you up once you actually do decide to sleep. Grab a coffee in the morning, but in the meantime the food you eat will serve as a natural energy source

Turn down the brightness.

If this night will be spent hunched over a computer, turn down the brightness on your computer screen so as to not deep-fry your retinas. Printing out the reading material will also save your eyesight and keep you from falling into the rabbit hole of social networking sites (further tips on avoiding Internet procrastination would constitute an entirely different guide).

Don’t you dare lay down.

You are eventually going to sleep tonight, but it can’t be in the form of naps. Once you go down, you are not getting back up. Open a window and let the cold air shock your system, run a lap around the building, take a five-minute jam session (cue air guitar), wash your face, do jumping jacks, anything but sleeping.

Find a support system.

Not like group therapy, just someone to lean on throughout the night. Hit up the library with a friend and catch a ride back from DPS when you both stagger out into the darkness. Or study at their place, but bring a crash pad so you don’t have to go home at five in the morning. If all else fails, just ask a friend to join you for a quick Kimmel run to recharge.

Wait, what about the actual studying?

Ah, yes, the whole reason for all of this is to get some work done. If you have multiple classes or topics to study for, rotating between them every hour or so will help fight fatigue. Setting mini-alarms on your phone can help keep you on track. Hell, if you’ve followed the support system rule, give your partner a little “friendship tap” aka slap that bitch ’til her eyes open. But really.

The aftermath.

Turn in that essay, slay that test, and then do something relaxing and enjoyable for the rest of the day—as long as it’s not sleeping. Going to bed at as normal of a time as possible will ensure that your sleep cycle doesn’t get thrown out of whack for the next week. And if this whole experience didn’t convince you already, remember that you shouldn’t do this often. “I pulled a few all-nighters in college, usually to finish a paper assignment or to study for a test,” Professor Dennis Kinsey said. “My advice to students is ‘do not do this.’ It is not productive. It is bad for you.  It makes you cranky (and you will lose friends.)”

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via forumbiodiversity.com

By Bria Holness

“Daaaaamn Eric. You’re thirsty for chasing that girl for three blocks just to get her number.”

“I’m what?”

Not familiar with the term “the thirst?” Please allow me to inform you.

The thirst is first and foremost, a sickness. It’s deadly for one’s social life—many would classify it was social suicide. “It” is an obsessive and desperate desire for someone, almost always in a sexual way. Those affected crave attention and have constant anxiety about someone that isn’t giving you one damn passing thought. It’s when one is constantly after someone but never gets the point that the desire isn’t mutual. It’s the epitome of annoying.

Once you contract this sickness, you will immediately become the butt of your friends’ jokes. Expect these manifestations if you have ever had two or more of the following symptoms —

1)      You constantly text somebody even if they don’t respond

2)      You “twatch”, also known as watching someone’s Twitter, and/or stalk their Facebook

3)      You constantly going around asking for the person or about the person

4)      You excessively show up somewhere because you know he or she may make an appearance

5)      You try to isolate the person form any competition (including your friends)

6)      You follow him or her around in a party or hang out spot

7)      You constantly (and awkwardly) ask the person to cuddle

8)      You attempt to make a move despite constant rejection

―you may be suffering from a mild to severe case of the thirst and need to continue reading for guidance on how to cure yourself.  If you haven’t experienced any of these symptoms then feel free to continue reading for cautionary measures.

Don’t be annoying If you text someone and they don’t respond, that doesn’t give you an invitation to have a conversation with yourself. Wait until they answer. Who knows, they could be super busy, or your friend could be really rebellious and not attached like a Siamese twin to his or her phone. And if you’re contacting via iPhone or Facebook, where you can see if the message has been read and you still go unanswered, then I’m sorry to tell you but this is more than likely an indicator that the person isn’t interested. Give. It. Up. Get out before you make yourself look like a fool.

Stop it with the stalker shit I know you want to know every move your interest makes or if someone is making a move on them, but that doesn’t give you the right to stalk every single one of their social media websites—this includes having “like” or “retweet” sprees. People notice these things, and I don’t just mean the person you’re interested in.

No one likes a creep Do not under any circumstances go around asking about someone. That is one of the worst mistakes you can make. People will latch on to what you’re doing and it WILL get back to your romantic/sexual interest. This can go either way, depending on how much you’re been asking around. He or she could possibly be flattered. Then again, they could be equally creeped out. Ultimately, no one wants someone to be creeping on their plans or schedule, especially if you’re not usually in those particular places. Face it, that sounds the alarm of desperation off.

Needy doesn’t make you a keepy Lastly, if someone is constantly rejecting you to cuddle, kiss, or make any move in general—just stop. After a handful of awkward half-kiss-hugs and “I will kill you if you even think about putting your hand there” stares, the harsh truth may be staring you down. He or she just doesn’t want it to happen—you need to move on. You’ll only make yourself look like a fool if you keep trying. And then it becomes a case of sexual harassment.

You, too, can end “the thirst” by donating five cents a day to your local convent of delusional fools. Every donation truly makes a difference.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via foodnetwork.com

By Kimberly Gamble

Whether you’re cheering for the Yankees or the Red Sox, one thing every fan will leave the seventh inning stretch for is a much-needed snack. Face it, it’s physically impossible to root on your favorite team without food.

An important factor for game food is that it has to be easy to eat. Finger foods are always a great choice. I mean, in what context would you actually choose utensils over hands if given the choice? Trust us, your guests will thank you.

Instead of slaving away all day in the kitchen, here are some quick and interesting recipes to try —

Garlic Fries

Ingredients:

32 oz of unsalted french fries

3 tbsp of vegetable oil

6 cloves of garlic, grated

3 tbsp of finely chopped fresh parsley

Salt and pepper

Instructions:

Bake the French fries according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a small skillet, heat the oil over medium-low. Add the garlic and cook for about two minutes or until golden.

Toss the fries with the garlic oil and parsley, then season with salt and pepper

Pop Fly popcorn

Ingredients:

10 to 12 cups of popped popcorn

1 cup of pecan halves

1 cup of slivered almonds

1 1/3 cup of sugar

1 cup of butter

½ cup of light corn syrup

1 tsp of vanilla extract

½ tsp of cream of tartar

½ tsp of baking soda

Instructions:

In a large bowl, combine popcorn nuts and set aside. In a large saucepan, bring sugar butter and corn syrup to a boil. Boil for five minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove from the head and add vanilla, cream of tartar, and baking soda. Drizzle over popcorn mixture and stir to coat. Immediately spread onto two greased baking sheets and let dry for about one hour. Store in an airtight container.

Ball Park Cotton Candy Martini

Ingredients:

1 ½ o of Bacardi Dragon Berry Rum

½ oz of Blue Curacao

½ ox of lemon juice

1 bag of cotton candy

Instructions:

Place a fluff of cotton candy inside a martini class. Shake well and pour over the cotton candy.

Feel free to tell us what you think @JerkMagazine. Seriously, it might just make it to November’s Feedback page. We love to be praised but we guess criticism is acceptable, too.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via wired.com

By Shea Garner

One of the most remarkable technological advancements our military has seen in the past five years is the production and use of remote-controlled drone plans for surveillance and combat. These unmanned aircrafts are essentially the probe droids sent by Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back, except replace Hoth with the Middle East and Darth Vader with the seemingly less menacing U.S. government.

While the development of drone technology is internationally widespread, the U.S. is currently the only country with UAVs (Umanned Aerial Vehicles) in use. With that, the U.S. is also the only country to approve drone strikes on enemy—or not-so-enemy territory—territory.

The pros of drone warfare can, however, outweigh the cons, in many people’s eyes. Unmanned airplanes controlled by military personnel miles and miles away put no pilot’s life at risk. Yet, with new military technology, there comes the need for new defense technology. Very expensive defense technology. Our navy is currently testing lasers (yes, lasers) to efficiently shoot down drones in the vent of an enemy attack. That’s kind of an expensive technology to be developing when we’re the only country to approve of UAV strikes in the first place. And you thought Star Wars was just science fiction.

And you can’t neglect the psychological impact of this technological warfare. Pakistani civilians are forced to endure three to four U.S. drones circling their village on a daily basis. These innocent people are forced to live in perpetual fear, hearing the low buzz of the “surveillance” UAVs–never knowing when or where these machines will strike. The control pilots sitting at desks millions of miles away often claim to be following orders.  Still, their desensitization of fear and destruction ultimately speaks louder than their obedience.

Don’t get me wrong—the benefits of these technologies are unmatched. Our soldiers are safer and the ability to strike on actual enemy target from afar clearly makes us the greatest military leader for a reason. But what do you think about the negative impacts of drone warfare? Let us know by tweeting @JerkMagazine or commenting below.

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via flickr.com

By Shelby Netschke

It’s time to face reality; we live in Syracuse, the weather sucks. But, don’t fret. Jerk has a guide to make sure each of you are living this fall to its full potential.

Go out apple picking before turning into a winter recluse

Before retreating into social hibernation for the winter, do something different with your friends. This low-key outing only requires a few bucks, a small chunk of your afternoon, and a strong willpower to resist devouring three bags of donuts when you inevitably migrate to the warm shelter of the cider mill. We suggest some gloves, should you decide to not regain body heat via donut. Hey, it’s just an idea. Bonus: once you survive, you’ll finally have the ingrediants to make all of that apple-based shit you saw on Pinterest. Then work on rationalizing not doing it because face it–you’re actually far too lazy and unskilled.

Eat pumpkin flavored…everything

Pumpkin flavor is to fall what herpes is to–well, people who have herpes. You can’t escape it. Instead, embrace it by eating everything in sight with the most legitimate rationalization since “I was shitfaced”–it’s motherfucking pumpkin flavored. Stuff your face with pumpkin pie, coffee, muffins, donuts, cookies, pancakes, cupcakes, cheesecake, ice cream, and eventually pumpkin pie filling straight out of the can. It only comes once a year, right? Okay, so it’s for like, three months. Still, if you’re blessed with a kitchen and the eagerness of a housewife, check out Bite and Sip for some good starter recipes.

Start dressing with little to no sex appeal

Summer is long gone, but wipe those tears away before they freeze on your face. The days between shaving your legs are likely to grow longer. Own it. But don’t forget it–stop wearing shorts with your boots; you look like a confused Eskimo. Toss your skanky clothes that reek of desperation back in the summer drawer, and instead fall in love with all things warm and itchy. My favorite’s the five dollar extra-large men’s sweater from Salvation Army that you know someone’s wife threw away when their husband went out of town. Pair these “abstinence sweaters” with a scarf thick enough to double as a neck brace. Now, you’re ready for a pathetically single winter spent crying over the entirety of Felicity–will she choose Noel or Ben?–on Netflix. Enjoy!

Go to a corn maze. Sober.

Let’s be honest, you have a drinking problem. And that’s totally okay–expected even–at most social gatherings. But corn mazes are already confusing and horrifying enough when you aren’t intoxicated. It’s one of those rare things that doesn’t mix well with alcohol. Yes, they exist. If you do decide to say bottom’s up before entering swirling paths of corn husks, there’s a 97 percent chance you will be separated from your group. Hell, you’re probably being incredibly annoying, so they’ll lose you on purpose. The best part is, you won’t realize any of this until you wake up face down in a muddy field, flask in hand.

Go somewhere haunted

This one is tricky, because it could easily backfire if you are a total loser and take haunted houses too seriously. Don’t be that girl who always screams. Don’t be that guy who throws punches. Most importantly, don’t be the one who frantically grabs everyone by their hoods becuse you don’t want them to feed you to the demons of the underworld. Sounding like a recipe for disaster? Fright Night at the Fair is only five bucks if you go with Orange After Dark. Still cheaper than getting a cab back to South blackout. Take advantage of it.

A few honorable mentions that couldn’t be overlooked…

• Jump in a leaf pile like you never did in your lackluster childhood
• Cuddle in a fort, but remember to use protection–they’re known to collapse.
• Go on long, romantic walks–to the dining hall.
• Learn to crochet. Officially end any delusions about a social life.
• Scream at the football game on TV. (They can hear you. Keep it up coach!)
• Have a bonfire, and burn that nasty sock that somehow ended up in your laundry.

Image design by Sara Easterling, photo by Alyssa Greenberg

By Alexis Rodriguez

As Vice President of Student Association, Alexandra Curtis is driven by her passion for politics and, most of all, Cuse. Jerk was lucky enough to sit down with her and discover her thoughts on Keeping Up with The Kardashians and what it takes to find sanity for the mass of students she is responsible for pleasing.  She also shares her most embarrassing college experience, kicks Taylor Swift and her pop-heavy track out of the country genre, and lets us know what’s in her Starbucks cup–depending on the season, of course.

How long have you been involved with Student Association?

I’ve been involved since the very first week I came here. So it’s been two years.

Favorite magazine?

Can I say two? The Economist and Vogue. If they had a baby, that would be my favorite.

What was the best thing to happen to you in college?

Aside from achieving a longtime dream of winning a national pageant my freshman year and then becoming student body president my sophomore year, the best thing to happen to me was discovering my secret talent for competitive eating. I compete in the Daily Orange’s competition every year. I actually have a trophy that I am really proud of. I was the only girl in the competition and I was partially dressed in my Hilary Clinton Halloween costume. I just barely beat Dylan Lustig, [Student Association] President. I even got a nice Wings gift card. By the next morning I got five texts about a cartoon in the Daily Orange about me winning the wings competition.

Thoughts on Keeping Up with The Kardashians?

Hmm…oh my gosh…well, to be honest…I..uh, don’t typically keep up with the Kardashians but when I do…Kim is such a riot. The whole show is a riot.

Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds?

Ryan Reynolds, easily.

Favorite thing about Syracuse?

My favorite thing about Syracuse is the spirit. There’s definitely sprit here. No other school could touch what Syracuse has. The entire mentality of “bleeding orange” is undoubtedly prevalent. I thought at some point I would show up to an athletic event and paint myself entirely orange. Actually, my freshman year I was planning on trying out for Otto. I ended up not doing it because of my involvement with Student Association, but I still live and breathe Syracuse athletics.

What do you love most about Student Association?

I love that we can bring the top leaders from each of the home colleges on this whole campus. There are a wide variety of people attracted to SA. We all come in with different majors and interests, but at the end of the day we’re a group of people who are similar and share a common goal. It’s a lot of work. I don’t sleep very much. Ever. There’s actually a Snuggie in my desk ‘cause a sleep in my office more often than not. Ask anyone in SA and they will tell you they have met some of their best friends in our organization. These are the people I have spent a lot of time with and have built the most incredible friendships with. There’s always someone there to cheer me up or crack a joke. We are a bunch of people who want to make things happen. I was asked one adjective to describe myself during elections my freshmen year and I said quirky. Little did I know everyone in SA was a little quirky, which definitely makes us work. I’m so blessed to be a part of it.

Which celebrity would you want to punch in the face?

Rachael Ray from the Food Network. I’m all about the Food Network—Ina Garten, Paula Deen, and Giada [De Laurentiis] are my girls. [Ray] drives me up a wall…love all foodies, except for her. Make that very clear, though. Love the Food Network…not Rachael.

Biggest pet peeve?

I hate it when people wear socks with Sperrys.

Most embarrassing moment in college?

I was asked to go on SA Today (Citrus TV’s weekly show for SA) my freshman year to talk about academic affairs. I looked super professional and thought I was doing really well with my interview. Then, I accidentally referred to Chancellor Cantor as “Chancy Nancy”. I was so embarrassed, I felt like I had just talked down to the Chancellor!

What song are you absolutely sick of?

“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift. I’m a big country music fan but Taylor Swift is not real country to me, and I can’t stand hearing her on CMT. It’s a bit overplayed.

If you were an animal, what would you be?

I want to say a lion. Lions are fierce creatures, not to mention they have the mane going on. I have a lot of hair…I guess I kind of have a lion’s mane going on. Once a professor asked me a physical trait I could be remembered by—I said the hair. She referred to it as the “lion’s mane” later on. I guess it stuck.

What is something people don’t know about you?

I’m a huge nerd and I’m a huge goofball. A lot of what I have to do on campus has to be in a very professional capacity, so I don’t think people get to see my off the wall sense of humor as often as I would like. My best friend and I actually had  a YouTube channel where we made these crazy videos with characters and voices that we created. It was a lot of street theater. I also grew up very involved with acting and voice-over work. I unfortunately haven’t had many opportunities to keep that up here at school, but I do a mean Chancy Nancy impression. A big part of my off-the-wall sense of humor is that I’m not afraid to embarrass myself. I’m the prankster amongst my friends, and they know I will do some crazy things to get a laugh.

Favorite site to procrastinate on?

FiveThirtyEight—my favorite political blog by Nate Silver who I am a huge fan of. It’s run through the New York Times. I love just sitting there and reading it. I love reading anything political because I feel productive. It’s not what I need to be doing for class, but it’s still definitely something of value.

What is your Starbucks order?

Oh—my Starbucks order. Right now, absolutely a pumpkin spice latte. Favorite time of the year…gotta go with pumpkin spice. I have a drink every season; over the summer it’s caramel macchiato, in the spring it’s a green tea frappuccino, and in the winter it’s peppermint mocha.

If you could change one thing about Syracuse other than the weather, what would it be?

I actually like the weather! I just wish we could pick up the campus and drop it in D.C. With the strength of the public policy program and the communications program, we would be running things in D.C. Not to mention, giving Georgetown a run for their money!

Top item on your bucket list?

I really want to go skydiving. I just think it would be exhilarating. When I was a child, my first ambition ever was to be a stunt double. I always thought something like skydiving would be fitting for me. I also want to make it to all 50 states.

Go-to vending machine delicacy?

Definitely Junior Mints.

Last song stuck in your head?

“Gangnam Style.” I’ve definitely got the dance moves down, too. It’s a good jam.

Go-to dance move?

Oh my gosh, I can be incredibly embarrassing on the dance floor, but I have a good time. The worm is definitely on the top of my list. I’m also a big fan of the sprinkler and the lasso.

You get to spend the whole day with Otto. Where do you go off campus?

Off campus with Otto? Definitely hit up Destiny USA and go shopping. We would take the Centro bus there and bring the scooter, because it’s his favorite method of transportation. We’d go shopping, see a movie, and have a nice dinner. I might be the one coming back in the Otto costume though—life long dream!

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via foodworldnews.com

By Kimberly Gamble

For a classic autumn day or simply for an excuse to get cozy with a significant other, look no further than pumpkin picking. Think this activity is just for your little cousins? Think again. Turns out Onondaga County has pumpkin patches out the ass. So hop in your roommate’s  car and head out to one of these CNY gems to grab the gord that is guaranteed to be the bas for any delicious homemade treat.

To prepare your pumpkin for any recipe, rinse the outside with cool water, carefully cut off the top (a circle around the stem), and pull out all sees and strings. After you complete these steps, cut up the remainder of your pumpkin and start your recipe.

Dying to know what we’re doing with our little orange friends? We’re banking on Pumpkin-tinis and Pumpkin Cinnamon rolls. If you’re deeply intrigued, here are the recipes.

Pumpkin Pie-tini (serves one)

Ingredients:

1 oz milk

2 tbsp of pumpkin puree

1.5 oz of vanilla vodka

1.5 oz of crème de cacao

Instructions:

1. Shake milk and pumpkin puree over ice and mix. Pour the remaining ingredients and shake well.

2. Using a small amount of honey, cover rim of glass with graham cracker crumbs.

Pumpkin Cinnamon rolls with Caramel Frosting

Ingredients:

Cinnamon Rolls

1/3 cup milk

2 tbsp butter

½ cup canned pumpkin

2 tablespoons sugar

¼ tsp nutmeg

1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice

½ tsp salt

1 egg, beaten

1 package dry yeast (1/4 ounce)

2 cups bread flour (you can use regular all-purpose flour but bread flower makes them lighter)

½ cup brown sugar, packed

2 tsp ground cinnamon

2 tsp melted butter

Caramel Frosting

¼ cup butter

½ cup brown sugar, packed

2 tbsp milk

¼ tsp vanilla

¼ tsp pumpkin spice

1 dash salt

¾ cup sifted confectioners’ sugar

Instructions:

For Cinnamon Rolls

1. In a small saucepan, heat milk and butter until warm and the butter is almost melted, stirring constantly. In a large mixing bowl, combine pumpkin, sugar, nutmeg, pumpkin pie spice, and salt. Add milk mixture and best with electric mixer until even. Beat in egg and yeast.
2. Add half of the flour into the pumpkin mixture. Beat mixture on low speed 5 minutes, scraping sides of bowl frequently. Add remaining flour and mix thoroughly (dough will be very soft). Turn into lightly greased bowl, then grease surface of dough lightly
3. Cover and let rise in warm place until doubled, for about 1 hour. Punch dough down. Spray a surface with cooking spray or turn onto floured surface. Knead a few turns to form smooth dough, sprinklin in enough additional flour to make dough easy to handle. Roll dough into 12×10 inch rectangle.
4. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar and cinnamon. Brush surface of dough with melted butter. Sprinkle with brown sugar mixture. Beginning with long side of dough, roll up jellyroll style. Pinch seam to seal. With sharp knife, cut roll into twelve 1-inch slices. Place rolls, sliced side up, in a greased 11×17 inch baking pan. Cover and let rise until nearly doubled, 30 to 45 minutes.
5. Bake rolls at 350 degrees about 15-20 minutes or until golden. Remove from pan to waxed paper-lined wire rack. Let cool for 10-15 minutes.

For Caramel Sauce

1. In a small saucepan, heat butter until melted. Stir in brown sugar and milk.
2. Cook over medium low heat for 1 minute.
3. Transfer to small mixer bowl and cool mixture. Stir in vanilla, pumpkin pie spice, salt and confectioners’ sugar for desired consistency. Drizzle over roll

Image design by Sara Easterling, image via msnbc.msn.com

By Shea Garner

The existence of time-turners and the ability to apparate might not just be limited to the wizarding world of Harry Potter. A few recent stories in the news have left many readers lifting their eyebrows at the possibility of both phenomena.

Reports recently surfaced on the web of what’s being called a heated international quantum teleportation race. And that’s not all—a Washington lawyer recently made the news for claiming to have been part of a long running government time-travel program.

With our exponentially increasing technologies in the past ten years, stories like these are no longer hidden within the sci-fi section of Barnes and Nobles. No 90s dweller could have ever fathomed the concept for the iPad. Hell, we were still waiting twenty minutes to get a decent nude photo to load. Quickly sending data across the Internet has been an unmatched feat of innovation in itself. Replace data with a human and quantum teleportation is suddenly a fathomable recipe.

Still, our Washington lawyer’s claims seem a bit more convoluted. Said to have participated in the time-travel program since age seven, the man purports that he’s attended many historical events of the past, even including the famous Gettysburg Address! Now we know how they got Daniel Day-Lewis’ spot-on impression of Lincoln. Citing a hole opened in time and space as his preferred method of travel, this attorney might not appear at the top of your defense list. Although Einstein had successfully theorized that time travel is possible, it certainly seems a bit less feasible than that of a data exchange (to put it simply).

In a world where consumer technology can be both impressive and baffling, it’s hard to know what type of knick-knacks the government has their hands on. Area 51 might want to cover their tracks, cause we’re onto you. Don’t lie—you know you’re slightly geeking out right now. And if not–seriously?–tweet us @JerkMagazine and tell us why. Hey, you can always head back in time and take back your decision to . Or you could just delete it.

Calvin Harris will co-headline Juice Jam this fall. Image courtesy of somekindofawesome.com

By Joelle Hyman

Of the few things that unite our campus community, outside of the events held in the Dome, University Union-hosted concerts are probably upon the Top 5.

And in case you live under a rock, the student organization announced Sunday via Twitter  popular house DJ, Calvin Harris, and comedian-turned-actor-turned-rapper, Donald Glover, performing under his stage name, Childish Gambino, as the co-headliners for Juice Jam this fall.

With supporting acts to be announced soon, it may sway some of those undeniable grunts into excitement. As always, Juice Jam will be held on Skytop Field, September 9th starting at 1 p.m. Unlike last year’s late afternoon start, this year will require some to get up (possibly for the only time the entire year) when the dining halls still serve breakfast. Tickets can be purchased starting August 23rd for $10 at the Schine box office or online.

Is UU serving the majority of campus with their choices or were you pulling for another headliner? Let it be known that I, personally, put Arctic Monkeys in every suggestion box and went unheard. As I usually do. Sigh.

Childish Gambino will be at Juice Jam 2012. Photo courtesy of lawnparties.com

Tweet us, @JerkMagazine and let us know what you think; whether it be pure anticipation to sing every word to “Bonfire” or inquiries about where to get a pitchfork to protest house music. And P.S., don’t blame the latter on us if you accidentally start a riot.

Charlotte Horton

In any relationship, whether it be with your significant other from home, from college, or “just a friend”, the topic of long-distance sex may someday come into play. And by “long-distance sex,” I mean many things, be it sexting, sending naughty pictures, phone sex, and — for those of you who are more hardcore — Skype sex.  A not-so-shocking study that was reported in Cosmopolitan states that 85% of men like it when their girl “gives it to them good over the phone.” But just as you have to protect yourself during (real)  sex, you have to keep yourself safe with long-distance sex as well, just obviously not in the same ways.

The Good

The “goods” are obvious for the most part. Taking part in long-distance sex reminds couples that they still have a sexual element to their relationship. It helps knowing that they have a good thing going when the occasional urges to cheat may come into play. That’s not to say that all couples engage in long-distance sex, but for the naughty, keeping that sexual flame going is essential; however distant they may be, this might be the biggest factor in keeping couples together and faithful. Other advantages of using technology to release some hormones help in the releasing stress factor as well as a practice run for fulfilling your fantasies.

The Bad

Though it may seem harmless in the moment, there are bad effects of long-distance sex. The biggest thing to be conscience of are the naughty pictures and videos. In the heat of the moment, and especially when you really trust someone, sending a dirty picture of yourself can be more than fun, it can be exhilarating! But much like everything else we put our bodies through in our 20′s, there is always a downside.

No, you won’t contract an STD, but think of what could happen post-breakup with those pictures and videos sitting on your exes hard drive. You’re not thinking in terms of “hey, we will probably break up one day, I can’t send that,” but it’s a real thing to understand. Most college relationships don’t last so protect yourself and most importantly, protect your reputation.

How to Stay Safe:

Remember to always do what feels right for you and keeps you safe. You never know what will happen, and when it comes to sex, that’s exactly why it’s the best and worst. And on that note, just pray that you never skyrocket to fame if your sex tape with a ’90s teen actress’ brother leaks, because the world does not need another Kim Kardashian.

Getty Images

Lauryn Botterman

Call yourself an adolescent for as long as you’d like; but the cold, hard fact is that if you’re over 18, you’re officially an adult. As you go further past your prime (18 was awesome, right?), you’re going to have to take on many adult responsibilities…like it or not. Although you still have the better part of a decade to engage in moderately irresponsible acts without serious social repercussions, it’s time to begin the process of getting your shit together. Here’s a starter kit of adult stuff you should know how to do in order to become a functional member of society. If you’re in your senior year, feel ashamed, you should know this by now.

Learn to Cook
I’m not suggesting that you spend hours slaving over an authentic five-course French meal from scratch, but it would be advantageous to expand your culinary repertoire beyond pizza bagels, scrambled eggs, and late-night calls to Jimmy John’s. Your metabolism isn’t getting any swifter, so you should at least learn how to combine few ingredients of adequate nutritive value (hint: Nutella, ramen noodles, and Easy Mac don’t count) and end up with something you can gluttonously stuff into your face with your pride semi-intact. Invest in some nice pots, pans, and a cookbooks and embrace your inner Paula Deen—minus the shitloads of butter.

Manage Your Finances
In the real world, not everything can be paid for on a debit card subsidized by your parents or by a swipe from your student ID. Set up a savings account if don’t already have one and pay attention to things like APR, overdraft fees, and interest rates. While you’re at it, create a monthly budget and try your best to stick to it. Turns out your credit score is actually pretty important when you go to buy a car or a house (bummer). Nobody said that taking control of your finances would be fun, but they did say it’d be the beginning of an inevitable and enduring source of confusion, stress and possible debt. It may sound confusing now, but trust us, it will be awesome in a few years time.

Get Yourself to the Doctor
Does mommy still have to remind you when it’s time for a check-up? Do you have to be forced into the dentist’s chair kicking and screaming just to have a cavity filled? Guess what folks, it’s time to grow a pair and take responsibility for visiting the proper medical professionals in a mature and timely manner. If you still want to request a SpongeBob band-aid or a cherry lollipop, that’s fine by me.

Date (The Right Way)
One-night stands with attractive (or so you thought after five vodka-crans) strangers are fun now and again, and fuck buds are super convenient when you’re craving a roll in the hay. Being an adult is about learning how to respect yourself and handle a mature relationship. Here’s a thought: if you really like someone, tell them! Ask them out for heaven’s sake, instead of making ambiguous, sexually-charged eye contact from across the room. The worst they can say is no, and then laugh in your face while you dissolve into a pathetic puddle of rejection and tears.

Drink Appropriately
Sadly, most of adult society beyond the college campus frowns upon swigging dubious concoctions of Gatorade and vodka through the streets and then proceeding to publicly consume your body weight in Natty Light through a funnel. I know what you’re thinking: It’s all a dreadful conspiracy to suck the fun out of life! It will surely be a difficult adjustment, but eventually we must all learn that there’s a thing called limits and that it’s actually not really so much OK to projectile vomit in a stairwell and then rally 20 minutes later to throw back a few more shots and make out with your best friend’s ex-boyfriend. Who knew?! In due time, we will all understand and appreciate the virtues of moderation.

It’s Summer. And with summer, comes late nights on the beach, bonfires, and drinks. While some socializing may be forced — because we all thought we would be able to avoid certain poeple by now — there’s always the reward for all that fake grinning: the summer fling. I’m here to tell you the do’s, the don’ts and ins and outs of summer hook ups, starting with the ex you only see when you’re home.

It’s typical to have someone you stay in contact with whenever you come home from school. A lot of times, this person happens to be a friend, a past hook-up or in most cases, or an ex that you don’t really want to commit to (aside from a little late night rendez-vous here and there). With the ex, it’s really important that if you’re going to do it, keep it between the two of you and tell no one. The impression that hooking up with an ex gives is that you’re either not over them, using them, or can’t get anyone else. If none of those options sound appealing, and if you’re feeling like you need some late night action, my best advice would be to just find someone else. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don’t get mixed up with the old and familiar that you left in the dust bin months ago. You’re over for a reason. If you can’t seem to do that, just keep your mouth shut and keep whatever happens between the sheets to yourself. A constant hookup is good, but when it comes to having that relationship with an ex, things get tricky, especially when one of you becomes romantically interested in someone else.

Co-workers turned summer love: Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield

For those of you working this summer and want a little something with a co-worker, some advice for you as well. If it’s a silly job at an ice cream stand, by all means: go for it. Worse comes to worse, you stop seeing each other or things get awkward and you can’t scoop ice cream side by side as you once have. Summer is short lived and eventually it’ll make for a funny story.

If your job happens to be something serious in the field of your dreams: don’t be an idiot. I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain what that means, but I will anyway. Don’t go for it. In the worst case scenario, your fifty grand a year at Syracuse toward the job of your dreams will be a huge waste of precious time and money. Furthermore, it can potentially damage your reputation in the field of your choice, and impact your future internship opportunities significantly.

The great thing about summer hookups, and why they’re better than the school year hook up, is the distance that separates you from commitment. You don’t run into the person on campus and have to fake a smile or acknowledge whatever happened. It’s short lived. Also, the location possibilities for summer hook ups, in my opinion are not only endless, but way better than a fraternity bedroom.

Emma Stockett*, a senior, says the best summer hook up spot is in a hammock. “I have a lake house not too far from here and my childhood friend and I usually head for the hammock when I have the place to myself. It overlooks the water and my place is pretty private so it’s just perfect.”

Scott Owen*, a sophomore studying abroad in Italy says “Summer is a better scene for that stuff. Sun’s out, less clothes, everyone’s more relaxed. And now being in a foreign country it’s in a way more romantic. I think summer hookups are more romantic anyway, not saying they all become relationships, but I’ve always been a fan.”

Courtesy of gothamist.com

As uncomfortable as it may sound, moms are getting quite giddy at something that may make you sqiurm. But as I found my own mother becoming obsessed over Twilight, there sprung 50 Shades of Grey, written by E.L. James, and it completely redefined the genre.

Image Courtesy of mcaughtry.com

Rumors about new Apple products have been stirring since the announcement of the big global tech conference WWDC. One rumor in particular insinuates that Apple is releasing a new map application for their products; dropping Google’s extremely popular “Maps” app from their native iOS software.

Google seems to have taken this possibility to heart as they have just held a rush press conference introducing their updated features to the Maps app, and they are quite revolutionary.

Their most notable addition to the Maps software is the use of 3D imagery to build realistic terrain and cityscapes. Aside for the extensive physical surveying the company does already; they have developed an intelligent system that uses algorithms to create the shape and color of the buildings. It can even asses if something is shadowed or out of sight.

These additions could certainly make Apple reassess their decision. But with helpful features like directions and Drop Pin, it’s hard to see smart phone users switching at a rather quick pace. The question that is really at hand is where is the future of mapping technology taking us?

Google street view has already invaded your front lawn –no more topless sunbathing– and even a further push of the 3D mapping technology could have them peaking through your windows. Hell, if this technology is available to the public, imagine what the government has at its disposal.

What do you think about the Google Maps app? Do you like where this technology is headed? Let us know in the comments section below.

boomeradvisorclub.com

Sunday 5/6

- Actor George Lindsey—who spent nearly 30 years as Gomer Pyle’s beanie-wearing, happy-go-lucky, goofball cousin on the popular The Andy Griffith Show passed away at the age of 83.

- In other entertainment news, The Avengers raked in nearly $200 Million at the weekend box office, marking one of the biggest opening weekends of the year.

Monday 5/7

downtoearth.org

- A new study revealed that 42% of Americans could become obese by 2030 if the current trend continues. Time to hit the gym, not the drive-thru…

- Breaking the silence about his new bundle of joy, proud papa Jay-Z revealed that Blue Ivy will “be spoiled like a little kid” for her entire life. Because we all SO concerned for her well-being, really…

usmagazine.com

Tuesday 5/8

- Beloved children’s author Maurice Sendak passed away this week. He was 83. Sendak is perhaps most known for writing the children’s bedtime classic, Where the Wild Things Are.

- Believe it or not: a new study has revealed that teens driving with friends in the car actually reduces distractions from the road. Road trip, anyone?

Wednesday 5/9

cbsatlanta.com

- Big news out of Washington this week as President Obama officially “comes out” in support of same-sex marriage, reversing his previous stance that marriage should be between one man and one woman. Well done, Mr. President.

- Chanel No. 5 has an unexpected new face – Brad Pitt. The Academy Award-winning actor is set to shoot his first ad later this month,

time.com

Thursday 5/10

- Take a look at the cover of Time Magazine this week and you may get more than you bargained for. The shocking cover is turning a few too many heads…

- The Federal Trade Commission has officially filed charged against former social networking site MySpace. The company is charged with breaking US law when they shared users’ personal information. Who’s on MySpace anymore anyway??

Friday 5/11

nydailynews.com

- CBS is suing ABC for copyright infringement, claiming that ABC’s new show The Glass House is a direct replica of CBS’ Big Brother series. Big Brother really IS always watching…

- Bargain airline JetBlue was left red-faced this week when they inadvertently placed a toddler on the “No Fly” list. The toddler could not be reached for comment, as she cannot yet talk.

hercampus.com

By Julia Fuino

What happens when you’re dating someone who is graduating in a week? It was much different in high school; there wasn’t as much uncertainty as there is after college. You either went to school together or you didn’t. But when you’re in college and have been dating someone long enough, things can move pretty quickly. Some couples even get married soon after college. Scary isn’t it?

A lot of different things are going through your head as graduation approaches: Where is he or she going to end up? Are we even going to continue this? How much will this change things? I can’t sit here and tell you what’s going to happen because I don’t know your relationship, and I won’t pretend to. But, here is some advice and insight from people going through similar situations.

Steve Jones, a graduating senior is dating another senior. Both are headed in different directions, he to California and she to New York. “I’m willing to make it work. We talk about it a lot since she got the job offer in the city. I want her to be happy but I can’t lie it’s not going to be easy,” Jones said. “I’ll be in school and she’ll be working, and the time difference—it’s just going to be hard. Our schedules won’t match up all the time, but we’ve talked about a future together for a while now. We can make it work.”

It’s good to have a plan if you know you’re headed toward something more serious than a college relationship. My best advice here is to make sure your relationship is “off-campus.” On campus, your time is either spent in class, studying, out with friends, napping, or spending time with each other. It can be a lot easier having a relationship with someone when they’re less than two minutes away and live the same campus lifestyle. But, what happens when you nix the campus vibe? If you don’t think that person will fit into what you see yourself eventually doing with your life, chances are, it’s not going to work out. Keep that in mind.

Krystina O’Connor, a junior, has had a senior hook-up all year. She says they aren’t exclusive but there may be a chance for a future together. “Well, we’ve talked about it. We just decided that we’re going to focus on ourselves and continue this non-exclusivity until something happens—if it happens,” O’Conner said. “We went in with no expectations. It was just a hook up. For me, at least, it became something more, but I’m not expecting anything to change. He’s moving away and I’ll be here.”

It’s hard to have expectations when you’re just casually hooking up with someone. Sometimes you go into it thinking it’s a one-time deal, but sometimes you want to keep it going. The one thing you shouldn’t do in this situation, however, is kid yourself. If you want more, tell them you want more. What’s the worst that could happen? Newsflash: they’re graduating. If they felt the same way, they’d make the time. If not, they move on, you move on, and no awkward run-ins will ensue because you’ll be in two different places.

While you should keep in mind the obvious, don’t avoid a relationship with them just because you’re afraid of what’s going to happen after he or she graduates. I know I’m the first to say, “Nicholas Sparks needs to tell his vagina to stop writing books,” but I’ll also say this: BE OPEN TO LOVE. Don’t be closed off for reasons that are out of your control because you never know what could happen!

Finals are in full swing! Take a study break and catch up on the highlights for this week:

msnbc.com

Sunday 4/29

- If you’re watching the first round of the NBA Playoffs this weekend, take a good look at the jerseys because their current design may be a thing of the past. The NBA is considering putting advertisements on individual player’s jerseys.

- And you think your mom is bad? A mother took to Facebook this week to publically embarrass her daughter for mouthing off to her. Take a look…

Monday 4/30

ajc.com

- Got a case of the muchies? A new eatery in Oregon has begun infusing their food with marijuana extract. Dig in!

- Scientists have begun developing supercomputer technology to power automobile engines, leading to a 40 percent decrease in carbon emissions.

csmonitor.com

Tuesday 5/1

- Keep your eyes pointed skyward this weekend to catch a glimpse of the “Supermoon.” Astronomers say it will be the largest moon in years.

- In your irrelevant news for the week: Nadya “Octomom” Suleman has filed for bankruptcy and says she is now willing to do porn. Porn companies have reportedly offered her a multi-million dollar contract.

Wednesday 5/2

z6mag.com

- Your weird news for the week: A NJ mother has been arrested and charged with child endangerment after allowing her 5 year-old daughter to use a stand-up tanning booth. The child allegedly suffered severe burns.

- Harvard and MIT have announced a joint collaboration to offer free online courses to anyone around the world. The project, termed edX, will be available to anyone with a viable Internet connection.

nation.com

Thursday 5/3

- Marking the one-year anniversary of his death, the CIA released the private correspondence of Osama bin Laden. The trove of over 6,000 documents shows the weak al-Qaeda leader struggling to maintain control while in hiding.

- In health news this week, a new study reveals that eating Omega-3 fatty acids may reduce your risk of developing Alzheimer’s Disease.

Friday 5/4

wham.com

- May the Fourth be with you: Hold on to those light sabers, kids! Today marks International Star Wars Day. Nerds of the world, unite!

- PepsiCo announced that Michael Jackson will adorn the sides of Pepsi cans for a limited time. The King of Pop’s image will be a part of the company’s “Live for it Now” campaign, which will take a look back at the icons of the future.

As another semester comes to pass, you might be stressing less about your nutrition final and more about the status of your sex life over the summer. For many, summer means heading to nothing but a hometown full of exes, exes’ friends, and all the random high school hook-ups you shared with your friends. Sounds like a land bare of banging, to me. Have no fear because I have compiled a bucket list of sorts to keep you in tip-top sexual shape until you head back to your regular raunchy ways on campus in the fall.

 1. Find the perfect summer sex spot.

Unless you have Regina George’s parents, it’s unlikely that your folks will be down with you getting down at all hours of the night (or day) in the bedroom they used to change your diapers in. This is of the utmost importance. Whether it be your car or a cheap motel that doesn’t have STDs crawling in the sheets, you need a designated place of pleasure.

 2. Find a fuck buddy.

I don’t know how small your hometown is, but hopefully there is some sort of bar or club scene that might hold your potential summer sex partner. Grab some friends and head out on the prowl for a potential summer hook up. It’s nice to have some consistency and it’s even nicer to have someone to satisfy you when you’re not out fulfilling the rest of this list. Besides, you’re going to need the practice finding hook ups for when you’re back in the frats.

3. Turn nostalgia nasty.

No matter where you’re from, you, in all likelihood, know your city or town from top to bottom. So, you know those few special spots that hold your dearest memories of the place you were born and raised. Pick your favorite one and turn memories to moans. High school football field? Old hilltop looking over the city? The place you found out your ex was cheating on you? Pick your longitude and latitude and get to memory making.

 4. Buy a sex toy.

Or a subscription to an awesome porn site. Dry spells exist on campus and off campus and sometimes you gotta fend for your horny self. Besides, the best investments are those that can be reused and never stop giving us satisfaction and you can bring it back to school!

 5. Go to a strip club.

Even if your town doesn’t have a bar scene, it most definitely has a skeevy strip club somewhere within its limits. If you’ve never been, get some friends and go. I’m not advocating for touching anyone dancing for you or drinking anything handed to you, but I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll have a good time and some great stories for the morning.

6. The Short List: A quick list of things that should be on everyone’s sexual bucket list.

- Public sex

- Get tied up/tie someone up

- Gain membership to the Mile-high club

- Sex on the beach

- Sex with someone from another country

- Threesome!

- Role play

- Learn to give yourself an orgasm

You’ll have plenty of time to think of new tasks and challenges to add (and cross off) your own personal sex bucket list while you’re sitting around doing nothing at your lame internship or old job. Don’t worry, just because the semester is closing doesn’t mean your legs have to!

 Some cultural staples will never go out of style: the little black dress, reruns of  “Friends,” a good cup of coffee…

Other trends, on the other hand, seriously make me worried for the well being of our generation. I propose that we reevaluate a few of our recent obsessions. Let’s cut the bullshit and carve a legacy we can be proud of when we fade into the irrelevance of adulthood. Here are just a few suggestions for trends that need the boot, ASAP.

Dubstep

rupor.sampo.ru

This year the average American spent 57 percent of his life waiting for the bass to drop. Sad, yet true. Dubstep was fun for a hot minute—but now it’s time to move on.  Let’s all take a break from aggressively grinding to realize that remixing popular songs with trippy artificial tones added does not always equal good. There’s a reason Avicii sounds exponentially better when you’re intoxicated. We’ll be better off when we turn the volume down on the Dubstep phenomenon. Appreciate the fleeting joy it brought us, and let it go. Please.

YOLO

Drake was right when he said that you only live once, but I’m sure he didn’t consider the antics that one song lyric would spawn. He has inadvertently managed to incite a whole new level of stupidity among today’s youth. YOLO is like a knockoff version of  “carpe diem,” except infinitely more obnoxious. It’s time to banish this slogan and resume living with some sense of class and responsibility for our actions. The only acceptable usages of the term are in deliberately ironic or sarcastic contexts. It does not suffice as a legitimate excuse for your reckless, dumb, or offensive behavior.

Excessive Tweeting/Status Updating

Social media is both a blessing and a curse. You can stalk your friends, crushes, and even celebrities to your heart’s content. But you also have to sift through endless masses of idiocy every time you log on. The things people choose to publicize are truly baffling. I could give two shits that you’re about to take a #nap. And did you really just upload an Instagramed picture of your smoothie? Remind me why I should care. More importantly, how the hell did it get 14 likes? This is not your diary; this is a platform for sharing relevant or reasonably amusing information. I’m often torn between being simultaneously annoyed and entertained by the sheer absurdity of certain people’s posts. But when it comes down to it, if your tweets or status updates are not up to par, you risk being cut from my networks. #sorrynotsorry.

Saggy Pants

Really boys, just pull your pants up. You might enjoy the sight of girls’ asses in yoga pants, but I can assure you that the sight of your behind in a pair of plaid boxers is not a turn on. Get a belt, suspenders, or pants that actually fit you—whatever you need to do to keep your derriere fully covered at all times. Sorry to ruin the “Thug Life” look you’re trying to channel, but this is for your own benefit.

ohinternet.com

The Duck Face

Not sure how or why squinting your eyes shut and pouting your lips in a bizarre duck-like fashion suddenly became considered an attractive pose for pictures. Who actually makes that face in real life? This unfortunate trend may rival the awkwardly angled MySpace bathroom mirror pic craze circa 2006. Girls, whatever it is you think you’re doing in those photos, it’s neither cute nor classy. Cut it out.

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relationshipsadvice.cc

By Laura Cohen

After the honeymoon phase at the beginning of any relationship, you will probably realize your significant other is not as perfect as you once thought. We all have our flaws, but there’s a fine line between what’s acceptable and what’s just not.

I’m not talking about when to stay or go based on your safety, self-respect, morals, etc. You heard about that in high school health class. I’m talking about the sticky situations, the tough spots, when you just aren’t sure whether it’s worth it or not.

Situation: They get really into the game. Every Sunday.

Solution: “It’s best to just deal with the yelling, screaming, and complete focus that happens whenever a big game is on,” Zack Molle, a freshman broadcast and digital journal major said. “I’m a big sports fan, and during those games, I’m not going to respond to pretty much anyone, so it’s not just the one girl. But it’s the same thing as when a girl is watching crap television like Jersey Shore and she’s sucked into that and doesn’t respond.” If you can’t respect each other’s interests, you probably don’t respect each other.

Situation: They’re attached to their phone, constantly texting, calling, and tweeting.

Solution: Your partner may not even realize how annoying their behavior is. It’s best to just address the problem, according to Nick Hancock, a sophomore biology and forensic science major. “I think mentioning it can help solve the issue by letting the person know it annoys me and makes me feel like she doesn’t want to hang out with me,” Hancock said. If the problem persists, it’s time to say TTYL.

Situation: Your styles of clothing are so different people can’t even grasp that you’re together.

Solution: “I might suggest other clothes for certain events, like you shouldn’t wear ripped clothing to a formal event,” Sandeep Fourkanti, a senior biology major, said. “But if I’m dating a girl, I obviously like her, so I wouldn’t change her.” Hopefully you’ll both spend more time out of those clothes anyway.

Situation: He or she likes to drink…A lot.

Solution: Everyone likes to have a good time, but if their drunken antics make you uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to make a change. “If I made my ex-boyfriend quit smoking after he used to smoke seven times a day, anyone can stop their partner from excessive drinking,” Beth Zarpentine, a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences, said. “You have to make them see that if they don’t give up on their drug, you’ll give up on them.”

Situation: They’re pretty much an asshole to strangers.

Solution: Dating someone who’s straight up rude to waiters, salespeople, and their peers is just embarrassing. No one wants to be associated with a bad attitude. “Disrespect for anyone should be a dating red flag,” Tara Brenner, a junior math and biochemistry major, said. It’s worth talking to your partner about, but if it’s an ingrained behavior, it’s best to say peace out.

Situation: They are obsessed with their image.

Solution: Whether it’s constantly applying makeup or hitting the gym three times a day, it’s exhausting to date someone so focused on his or her appearance. “It’s very annoying when it takes someone so long to get ready because they need to look perfect,” Justin Castro, a junior electrical engineering major, said. “It shows they’re not confident.” If they seem more in love with themselves than you, abandon ship.

Situation: It takes them forever to return your calls, with no excuse.

Solution: This is just plain shady. “You should have a reason, or else you’re just being disrespectful,” Sean McFadd, a freshman psychology major, said. “If someone is avoiding their partner like that, it just proves they aren’t committed.” If it happens more than twice, it’s time to walk away. You’re not a doormat.

Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group

By Ashley Collman

Smart phones, tablets, Facebook, and Twitter forever altered the way we think and live. Now, simple pleasures like losing yourself in a book’s narrative poses a challenge. Our minds are everywhere at once—crafting the next status update while making mental notes to Google something. We can’t unplug.

Hari Kunzru’s disparate novel, Gods Without Men, reflects the untethered mind as each chapter explores moments in different characters’ lives between 1775 and 2009.They aren’t flashbacks, but separate storylines tied together by a common setting—a three-pronged rock in the Mojave Desert calledThe Pinnacles.

The main storyline takes place in 2008, when a wealthy New York City couple’s autistic son goes missing on a family trip to the desert. He miraculously reappears, but he’s changed.

The other narratives also chart strange occurrences at The Pinnacles: a World War II veteran with a guilty conscience goes to the desert in 1947 to atone, and instead starts a cult to communicate with aliens; a 1920s anthropologist starts a witch-hunt out of jealousy, resulting in the death of a native man; and hippies corral around the site in the 1970s, sparking conflict with the locals. Each of these vignettes features a character changing from the divine interaction in the desert.

While the modernist construction of Gods Without Men is good in theory, it’s not the easiest to read.The constant change of perspective, and the heavy page-count (nearly 400) make it challenging to stay engaged.Yet if you can summon the mental focus, the story makes it worth persevering to the end.

If you fancy contemporary British novelists like Kunzru, put on a spot of tea and curl up to one of these books.

Thief of Time | Terry Pratchett

Thief of Time mixes satire and sci-fi. Most of the action happens on Discworld, a flat planet floating through space on the back of a giant turtle.

Brick Lane | Monica Ali

Brick Lane follows an 18-year-old Bangladeshi woman in London who marries a pompous man twice her age with corns on his feet and a love of Shakespeare.

Bullfighting | Roddy Doyle

Doyle is witty, an atheist, and Irish. The stories throughout this collection reflect his cynical take on life. “Middle age,” Doyle writes in his story “The Slave,” is “death becoming something real.”

“This two-watt infrared laser is 1,000 times more powerful than your typical laser-pointer. What happens is the laser light comes out here, and goes through all this fancy stuff to stabilize the light. Then that beam goes through these pipes.” “We're putting a big mirror and a small mirror in here. We'll use the light reflecting between these mirrors to trap the little mirror which will basically reduce motion to almost nothing.” This research will advance the technology in the detectors in Louisiana and Washington

By Lauren Tousignant : Photos by Deanna Smith

Duncan Brown wants to answer the human race’s most thought-provoking questions.

”Everybody wants to know: ‘Where do we come from?’ and ‘Where are we going?,’ which is why physics and astronomy exist,” says Brown, an associate physics professor at Syracuse University. That knowledge could lie in the Laser Interferometer Gravitational- Wave Observatory, a groundbreaking endeavor. Brown likens the science to the idea that humankind has, until now, been walking around with earplugs in. He says the detection of gravitational waves will help explain some of the most complex aspects of the universe, from black holes to the Big Bang theory.

Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (Livingston, Louisiana) “This observatory and its counterpart in Hanford, Washington, have a 4-foot diameter pipe in the shape of an L, with each arm extending 2.5 miles. Imagine a cork in the middle of a pond that will bob up and down if someone were to throw a rock onto the surface. LIGO is the cork, whose technology aims to detect the ripples, which are the gravitational waves.”

University Data Center “Forty computers in each rack, and each computer has a 12-core GPU in it—a graphics processing card you might use for video- gaming—that’ll give you fast rendering and really realistic graphics. We’ve taken these cheap consumer GPU graphic cards and repurposed them to do gravitational wave calculation. As well as using this to do gravitational research, it’s also computing research to design next generation computers.”

shutterstock.com

Though it may come as a shock to some, America is not the only country in the world. Our position as the top dog is diminishing more every day, and with superpowers like China and the European Union hot on our tail, we have a lot to feel threatened by.

But what is it about America that makes the rest of the world cast a collective stank eye in our general direction? After talking with several international students, I’ve compiled what I believe to be the Top 10 Reasons Why the World Hates America:

#10: We Don’t Clean Up Our Own Messes.

We have this nasty habit of committing to mediate armed conflicts, and then end up pulling out faster than a drunk frat boy. It’s hard to stick to your guns when they’re in the hands of terrorists.

#9: We Have Nukes, But Don’t Allow You To.

Big Brother is always watching. As the self-appointed international nuke wrangler, the US has cracked down on potential nuclear threats by being a benevolent bully. It’s our way, or the highway.

#8: We Pollute.

Each year, U.S. factories spew three million tons of toxic chemicals into the air, land, and water. Like most other things, we tend to think that being green is sexy in theory, but not practice.

#7: Toby Keith

To quote this gun-toting, beer-chugging country icon:

“The U.S. of A–Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass, It`s the American way!”

#6: We Eat. A lot.

It’s a fact: 36 percent of Americans are considered obese. We are seemingly unable to use proper portion control, electing instead for the chocolate fountain at Golden Coral. Case and point: http://thisiswhyyourefat.tumblr.com/

#5: We Failed Geography.

We seem to care very little about what is beyond our own borders. Did you know that 70% percent of Americans can’t find Iraq on a world map?

#4: We Elected George W. Bush. Twice.

Because obviously the first four years weren’t enough. The former leader of the free world did a pretty good job at making the rest of us look like buffoons. It’s hard to come back from that one…

#3: Jersey Shore.

When Snooki and Co. took their drunken Guido antics to Italy for the show’s third season, any hope of redemption was gone faster than “The Situation’s” career. The lesson we taught the rest of the world: become a drunken asshole –> get pregnant–> be famous.

#2: American Beer

American beer has become something of a novelty to the rest of the world. German brewmeisters have lovingly termed American beer “cat piss.”  It’s not enough that we drink it in the first place, but the fact that we turn our noses up to the other beers of the world makes us look like party-rocking wannabes.

#1: People of Walmart

This speaks for itself. Just take a look at this site and try not to lose your faith in humanity.

Check out BITCH’s article Ugly Americans for opinions of SU Abroad students.

According to the MormonNewsroom.org, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) is the fourth largest religious body in the United States. By November 6, the LDS Church may very well see one of its own—Mitt Romney—become president. In Syracuse alone, there are nearly 2,500 who identify as Mormon. JERK talks to Marc Clay, Syracuse stake president for the LDS Church, about Mormon culture in Syracuse, some core Mormon beliefs, and Big Love.

JM: For the record, what’s your name and occupation?

MC: “Marc Clay and I’m an Original Equipment Manufacturer (OEM) account executive for BARCO; it’s a medical hardware company. That’s what I do for a living, but in my spare time I’m the stake president for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

How long have you been practicing Mormonism?

“I was baptized in 1978, May 26 of 1978.”

Do you have an idea of how many students at SU and SUNY ESF identify as Mormon?

“There are just a handful at the moment, fewer than we’ve seen in past years. I think that’s more an effect of the economy. Part of the answer is those who identify; I really can’t tell you how many have ever checked Latter-day Saints on their application. I’m aware of just a couple that are undergrad and there’s probably eight to 10 that are in graduate school—probably a similar number that are doing medical residencies in medical school.”

What is Mormon culture like here at SU?

“The LDS students attend service on Sunday at a chapel on Colvin Street, so it’s not far from campus. It’s a young single adult congregation. There are about 40-50 young single adults there, all of them between the ages of 18 and 30. On Monday nights there’s a family home evening at that chapel, which is a short spiritual lesson and activities of some sort—so some social time together. Lastly, on Tuesday nights there’s an institute class and that’s held typically at the Colvin Street building, and that’s for college-age students—single and married—from all around the area. I think there’s typically around 15 students there.”

Does Hendricks Chapel offer any LDS services?

“Not that I’m aware. We have an LDS Student Association on campus; Devon Harris is the president. There are four adult leaders that are attached to that student association; one of them works on campus and the others are associated with local congregations or the institute program.

What is the background of the LDSSA?

“It’s an effort to be organized on campus from a religious standpoint. It enables students to have some say and some input into programs and activities and participate in activities connected with Hendricks Chapel. It allows us also to help solicit the support from students on campus for some projects or local activities that the church might be directing—by activities I mean giving to the community. Last year we went down to the Matthew 25 Farm and helped harvest some crops, pulled weeds, and just good things. The Matthew 25 Farm raises food for local needy families.”

Is there a large population of Mormons in the Syracuse area?

“Yes, inside the boundaries of the Syracuse stake there are eight congregations in the area: Cortland, Auburn, Liverpool, Fulton, Fayetteville, Pulaski, and two of them in Syracuse. There’s about 2,500 Latter-day Saints in those eight congregations.”

To your knowledge, are there any classes taught here at SU on Mormonism?

“It is my understanding that only recently there is a class on the Book of Mormon. I believe it’s taught by a non-Mormon.”

Because Palmyra (the birthplace of Mormonism) is so close to Syracuse, do many students and Syracuse residents make the pilgrimage to Palmyra?

“I think that a number of Syracuse students and local members go to Palmyra primarily for three things: To visit the historical sites that are there; to attend the Hill Cumorah Pageant, which is a large outdoor pageant held in July every year; and then some local members would go to attend the temple in Palmyra.”

When people think of Mormonism, many think of places like Utah and Idaho. Is there a difference between East Coast Mormons and those who live out West?

“No, not really. You would find that if you went to one of our services—and you’re more than welcome to—in the Syracuse chapel on Colvin Street, the family ward, the family congregation, or the student congregation and then went to a service in Provo, UT; Boise, ID; Salt Lake City, UT; or Los Angeles a very similar structure to the meetings.”

Do you think shows like Big Love and Sister Wives present an accurate representation of most Mormons?

“You know, I’ve never seen the shows. But, the church outlawed polygamy 122 years ago and, of the 14.5 million members of the church today, there’s not a one of them that is practicing polygamy. If any kind of that is found, they are removed from the church; their membership is taken away. So we do view it as a serious issue, but I’ve never seen the shows.”

To put the polygamist stereotype to rest, what are some of the LDS Church’s core beliefs?

“We believe that Jesus Christ is the savior of the world and the son of our loving Heavenly Father. We believe that His atonement was necessary and allows mankind to be saved from our sins and we turn to live with God. And we believe that Christ’s original church, as described in the New Testament, has been restored in modern times.”

What are some of the differences between Mormonism and Christian religions?

“I think that we all have a belief in our savior Jesus Christ; I think that we all are striving to be the best people that we can, to be disciples of Christ; I think that we all are striving to make our communities better places to live and to care for the poor and the needy. There are some subtle differences in how we view the Godhead and some other aspects of our faiths, but I think there are a lot of similarities too and a lot of common good in the things we’re trying to do. We do believe in modern revelations, that through prayer we talk to God and through the Holy Spirit, oftentimes in a subtle, quiet way, He provides answers and guidance to us in our lives. We have the head of the church—a prophet and 12 apostles—and we believe that our Heavenly Father guides and directs that prophet in modern times, as He has with other prophets talked about in the Old and New Testaments for many years.”

Are there any students that follow Warren Jeffs’ Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

“No, not that I’m aware of.”

One of the unanswered questions from our SMUT feature on Mormonism is ‘what attracts people to believe?’ Why do you believe?

“I think that, fundamentally, each of us has to come to a point where we get down on our knees and we study and we research on our own and ask our Heavenly Father ‘what’s the right thing to do, where’s the right place to go, what’s the direction for me in a spiritual sense in my life?’ For me, I went through that process in my mid-20s, and some years ago that answer came unmistakably to me that the Mormon Church was the right place for me. I would encourage people, before they form an opinion on Mormonism, to come and visit one of our chapels on a Sunday. The doors are always open; people are always welcome.”

Check out the SMUT feature here.

By Lauren Tousignant | Photos by Deanna Smith
Duncan Brown wants to answer the human race’s most thought-provoking questions.

”Everybody wants to know: ‘Where do we come from?’ and ‘Where are we going?,’ which is why physics and astronomy exist,” says Brown, an associate physics professor at Syracuse University. That knowledge could lie in the Laser Interferometer Gravitational- Wave Observatory, a groundbreaking endeavor. Brown likens the science to the idea that humankind has, until now, been walking around with earplugs in. He says the detection of gravitational waves will help explain some of the most complex aspects of the universe, from black holes to the Big Bang theory.

Two-Watt Infrared Laser -- “This two-watt infrared laser is 1,000 times more powerful than your typical laser-pointer. What happens is the laser light comes out here, and goes through all this fancy stuff to stabilize the light. Then that beam goes through these pipes.”

University Data Center -- “Forty computers in each rack, and each computer has a 12-core GPU in it—a graphics processing card you might use for video- gaming—that’ll give you fast rendering and really realistic graphics. We’ve taken these cheap consumer GPU graphic cards and repurposed them to do gravitational wave calculation. As well as using this to do gravitational research, it’s also computing research to design next generation computers.”

Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (Livingston, Louisiana) -- “This observatory and its counterpart in Hanford, Washington, have a 4-foot diameter pipe in the shape of an L, with each arm extending 2.5 miles. Imagine a cork in the middle of a pond that will bob up and down if someone were to throw a rock onto the surface. LIGO is the cork, whose technology aims to detect the ripples, which are the gravitational waves.”

Decisions by Claire Stankus

“Decisions, a self-portrait I made during my junior year, was the start of my exploration of memory. My work revolves around how memory is perceived and recorded, by using superimposed photographs to construct personal moments in time. Blurs and smudges imply motion while the stillness of the figure indicates a slow pace.” —Claire Stankus

Showcase your work in Framed. Email art@jerkmagazine.net

Illustration by Dan Blaushild

By Katrina Tulloch

Meet Andrea The Groomer. She kept you on the road for those three extra minutes you needed to grab coffee before your 8 a.m. class. After perfecting her ponytail at the stop sign, she applied her blush and bronzer at the bus stop. Even though the light turned green 10 seconds ago, she’s still lining her eyes; she’s clearly a high-class individual whose precise cat-eye is more important than the dude she’s about to hit.

Alongside grooming, the Department of Transportation says using a cell phone, operating a navigation system, eating and drinking, reading maps, watching videos, and changing music all count as bona fide examples of distracted driving. But New York State laws only target the use of handheld devices. The Syracuse Police Department can pull people over for “outlandish” or “reckless” driving, but that doesn’t deter the Andreas and other multi-taskers from becoming a threat on the roads.

Granted, texting does deserve the heat. Onondaga County has the eighth highest amount of phone-related driving violations out of the state’s 57 counties (excluding New York City). In 2011, the SPD issued 1,785 traffic violations for talking on the phone and 237 violations for texting behind the wheel, according to Capt. Shannon Trice.

But cops should take it  a step further. In Maine, the law explicitly states ticketable examples of distracted driving, like texting, then says the law is not limited to these instances. How clever. If a Maine cop saw Andrea The Groomer holding up traffic to apply her lip gloss, he could ticket her before she crumpled her mouth into a shiny pout.

Maine introduced this bill after a state trooper caught a driver watching Gilmore Girls on her laptop. If some chick hit me while doing that, I’d have a lawyer on the phone quicker than Luke could tell Lorelai to stop drinking so much coffee. There’s a time and place for post-WB nostalgia, and it’s in bed at 2 a.m. with white cheddar popcorn and months-old Girl Scout cookies.

New York needs a similar catch-all law for distracted driving. Maybe then, automobilists will weigh the pros and cons of driving while doublefisting burgers. You can’t always drive with Jedi focus, but you can put down the mascara wand long enough to park.

TOP TRACK: “BEACH SLUT”
BOTTOM TRACK: “PROBLEM CHILD”

The Australian band’s debut album is the perfect fix for our lo-fi obsession. “Beach Slut” starts off like a drunken lullaby from your dream punk boyfriend—think Darby Crash of The Germs. With songs like “Girls Can Do Anything,” and lyrics about scumbags getting drunk in the park (“Problem Child”), I can’t help but want to tend to the limbs of the Bleeding Knees Club. Bringing back the gritty punk that Wavves lost on the path to selling out, BKC is the new flavor of the year.

3 1/2 Nancies

TOP TRACK: ”TAKE ME AWAY”
BOTTOM TRACK: ”SAMBO JOE FROM THE RAINBOW”

As a self-proclaimed “outsider artist,” Willis Earl Beal enjoys freedom from mainstream expectation —which he takes full advantage of in Acousmatic Sorcery. In ten tracks, Beal tries everything from pastoral balladry (“Evening’s Kiss”) to gospel chanting (“Take Me Away”) to beat poetry (“Ghost Robot”). The album is simple yet emotionally raw; Beal howls angrily one moment and strums a nepenenoyka lap harp the next. Through Beal’s brusque, powerful vocalizations, Acousmatic Sorcery could bring you to spiritual awakening. Otherwise, it’ll make you long for a Southern summer night—cicadas and all.

4 Nancies

idea.syr.edu

Michele Palotta worked at Harrods, a department store in London, while abroad last year. The upscale classy store required women to work in high heels and cover up exposed tattoos. Palotta worked in the rug department, which required her to lift all day. Refusing to conform to company policy, Palotta said she wore flats so she could perform her job. The problem: She also has a visible tattoo on her foot..

This experience sparked the idea for her design company’s name, Flat Shoes Tattoos. “I don’t want to call it creative rebellion against the company’s standards, but more so going with our own grain as opposed to theirs,” Palotta said

Palotta works with Katie Malatesta, also a senior interior design major, and the two plan to stay in Syracuse for the Entrepreneurship Engagement Fellowship. The fellowship allows them to take a few classes and have a mentor to help with their company.

“We were always bouncing ideas off each other about starting a business where we were doing all kinds of nontraditional design work in different outlets,” Malatesta said.

Their first project started out as a T-shirt design for the Near Westside Initiative, which then morphed into a branding and marketing strategy for the initiative, ending in a coloring book for the kids. “They do so many fantastic things for that neighborhood and promoting the small business within the neighborhood, so we get to affect multiple people at once,” Malatesta said.

When they come back in the summer for the fellowship, they will begin serious talks with a restaurant on Montgomery Street. Palotta and Malatesta said the project will start with rebranding, but because they have interior design skills the relationship can continue beyond traditional graphics work. “It is really about making those relationships with our clients,” Palotta said.

However, despite various design skills, the girls say they lack the business knowledge that is required for a successful company. Figuring out pricing has become one of the biggest humps they’ve had to deal with.

“It is really hard to put a number amount on something that you’re so passionate about because we do it because we love it, not because we want to make money off of it,” Palotta said. “Which is why we are staying another year, too, to have a lot of help with that and take more business classes.”

“We want our work to be assessable. We like to compare it to the big design firm that might not feel you can afford as a small business,” Malatesta said.

Sure, lots of sororities have appointed girls to work hard at designing their dozens of shirts and letters to be fashionable, so to speak, but no matter their efforts, you can never get away from those frumpy tees that just do nothing for your wardrobe. Even if you’re not in a sorority, I’m sure you’ve accumulated dozens of Syracuse class of whatever and college of wherever tees that you leave piled in your bottom drawer. And, up until now, you had no purpose of pulling them out—ever. But after seeing Erin Bauwens, a sophomore Pre-Law major and Alpha Xi Delta sister, around campus and at the gym, I realized you can turn something that typically looks mundane into something that’s pretty damn cute.

(From class to the gym!)

Q: How would you describe your style?

A: Really casual and comfortable. I don’t like to spend too much time figuring out my outfit in the mornings, especially for early classes, so I just throw on whatever matches and won’t annoy me during a long class.

What’s your favorite cut up shirt?

My favorite cut up shirt is probably a white one I made for a highlighter party my freshman year. The back was tied a certain way so strips were cut out and my neon bra was able to be seen through it, which looked really cool in the black lights at the party. That type of cut/tie actually took longer than most of the shirts I cut up and it looked a lot more intricate, so its definitely one of my favorites.

What’s the easiest way to cut up a shirt for newbies?

Just sort of go with it: different cuts look different on each person because of different body types. Test out a bunch of different cuts to see what works best for you, and there’s no particular pattern to really follow. I like wider and off-the-shoulder necklines; whereas, others might prefer just a deep V-Neck.

Some Fun Tutorials if you’re feeling adventurous:

Front Weave

Cutting Up the Back of Your Shirt

Cutting Up the Sleeves

Cutting Diamond Sides

Creating a Backless Top

PHOTOGRAPHER: ALYSSA GREENBERG

HAIR STYLIST: KATHERINE VAN BRUNT | MAKE-UP ARTIST: JESSICA WOLFE

FEATURING CONTESTANTS FROM JERK’S NEXT TOP MODEL AND OUR WINNERS:

GILL MAHER

CHRISTINA M.

Rein in the summer with tribal prints and safari- inspired styles to bring out your carnal tendencies.

Story by Jillian D’Onfro | Photos by Brandon Weight

Bill Dee, an East Syracuse resident, receives a oneness blessing from Pamela Kramer. These blessings are a form of energy transfer, where the blesser helps another reach higher states of consciousness. Through the blessing, individuals are inclined to feel joy stemming from an awakened awareness of their higher self, according to Kramer.

The main room of Greystone Castle hummed with a peculiar energy. The 14th Annual Canastota Spring Psychic Fair drew a diverse crowd from all over Central New York: healers, mediums, psychics, animal whisperers, believers, skeptics, and the simply curious. This year, a record 14 mystics came to offer their services to the public, promising to soothe troublesome aches, reveal hidden paths, or communicate with people who’ve passed on—for a price. The people who paid the initial $7 entrance fee clearly believe more than others, but for every individual staring deeply into the eyes of a scarved woman reading tarot cards, another picked up brochures skeptically, or pored over psychic-made scrapbooks with expressions suggesting they weren’t quite swayed. By alluding to deep self-realization or a chance to envision the future, for around $45 for fifteen minutes, the mediums tempted that insistent “perhaps” wriggling deep within us all.

Betsy Rengert, owner of the closed Seven Rays Bookstore, purchases David Bennett’s book using a mobile payment system on his iPad. Bennet, who’s married to psychic medium Cindy Griffith, wrote Voyage of Purpose about his multiple near-death experiences and resultant spiritual awakening.

Two women clutch L-rods, one of several types of dowsing tools. Meant to magnify a body's intuitive response, the rods sway in one direction or another to signify a "yes" or "no" answer to a dowser's carefully worded question.

Anne Dougherty generally performs two different kinds of readings: past, present, and future or head, heart, and soul. Dougherty also welcomes any questions her customers may have.

Dougherty begins a tarot card reading for Angel, a Canastota, N.Y. resident. Tarot readings are, according to Anne, a two-way form of interaction with one's higher self. Each card has a meaning, and it is the medium's job to help interpret them for the client.

Angel preferred not to give her last name. Dougherty said that people wishing anonymity is common at psychic fairs. There is still a stigma associated with receiving readings, she said, and some women and men keep their readings a secret from spouses, colleagues, and employers.

Illustration by Jack McGowan

By Chris Ballard

Last summer, Molotov cocktails shattered storefronts and, in turn, the future of London youth seeking employment. What’s to become of those bearing the brunt of every arsonist and looter from the London riots? That’s the million-pound question. While employers in Europe are skeptical to hire any 18- to 20-something, those who didn’t set homes ablaze last summer are shouldered with the guilty’s burden. A February New York Times article, “For London Youth, Down and Out Is Way of Life,” pinned Britain’s growing unemployment rate at over 22 percent, the highest since 1992.

We’re all feeling underappreciated, undervalued, and voiceless. But the only way to solve that is by speaking up peacefully and reaching your hand out to politicians for diplomatic solutions. You can’t do that with a pair of handcuffs on. Syracuse University political science professor Margarita Estevez-Abe says that’s something the UK government does not have much control over. “The UK has always had more problems with disorderly thugs,” she says. “I think the live coverage of violence by the media encouraged young thugs to escalate looting and vandalism.” Look, London. We know you’re pissed off.

But your unemployment rate is less than half of Spain’s, which is climbing toward 50 percent. Their youth rallies resemble politically-motivated sleepovers in major city plazas, making them a peaceful yet effective model for London. And explosives aren’t involved—a definite plus. Perpetual lawlessness doesn’t earn you a spot at the table to talk about real issues.

Overarching public perception has also swayed because of the riots. In a study commissioned by The Guardian in the UK, rioters listed “poverty” as the most important motivating factor for the riots. The general public, however, identified criminality and poor parenting as having caused the violence. The public also reported gangs as a significant factor, while rioters who responded disagreed. So, those youths without jobs are immediately pegged as criminals in society—hindering those who stayed at home applying for jobs and not forcing their fists through glass. The sooner London youth realize criminality completely debases not only oneself but their entire population, the sooner they’ll take a step toward combating the underlying political and social issues. But don’t give politicians more fuel for the fire. While you’re at it,stay away from fire altogether.

CLICK ON AN IMAGE TO WRITE YOUR OWN STORY

By Janel Sullivan | Illustration by Jack McGowan

Photos by Andrew Renneisen

Location: 1525 Valley Drive + 4800 McDonald Road

Kids in muddied soccer uniforms couldn’t help but flash sprinkle-coated smiles. On a brisk spring evening, two lines formed at Gannon’s Isle ice cream shop on Valley Drive. Some customers asked to try new flavors—Rocky Mountain Raspberry, Crème Brûlée, Charlie Brown. Other, more seasoned members of the Gannon’s family knew exactly what they wanted. “I’ve seen some of these kids come in and have their first ice cream, and now they’re married and bringing their own kids in,” says Eileen Gannon, who co-owns the two sweet-tooth sanctuaries with her younger brother John. And if customers aren’t already true family, Gannon will happily lend a hand; she once hid an engagement ring inside an ice-cream cake for a couple who had their first date at the shop.

Gannon’s patrons can also fall in love with their own creations. Last fall, the Syracuse University men’s cross-country team concocted a pumpkin and apple crisp milkshake as a staple for the season. Marti, a regular who wanted a crunchy combination of nuts and sweetness, now has Marti’s Marshmallow. “They’re your people, they’re your customers,” Gannon says. “That’s the nicest thing about running your own business—you can keep them happy.”

Successful entrepreneurship comes with another sweet perk: freedom to focus on quality. Gannon’s ice cream is 14 percent butterfat, making the treats creamier and richer than any generic tub (which commonly has about 10 or 12 percent) in a grocery store freezer. Gannon’s also buys locally whenever possible. In the summer, a farmer down the street drops off about 12 flats of fresh strawberries for the delicious Strawberries-N-Cream.

Because of the careful flavor-making, sometimes descriptions like “sweet” and “good” don’t do the cones justice. Even though Mairead, a 9-year-old with messy hair and an even messier face, chose the most classic flavor—vanilla with sprinkles— she describes the taste as either a birthday cake or rainbow. And Cecilia, a thoughtful 10-year-old, says her vanilla-lime soft- serve reminds her of family amusement park trips. With such inspiring flavors, it’s no surprise Gannon’s business has seen growth. Last year, the shop even started a catering business after many requests— some for wedding cakes.

Photo by Greg Babcock

By Jillian D’Onfro

SOUNDS LIKE:
The dirty-basement version of Can.

WHAT THEY JERK TO:
The Growlers, Each Other, Mixtapes, múm, and U2’s “It’s a Beautiful Day” on full blast.

BEST SONG:
“He’s Got the World.” Despite lyrics from the perspective of an agoraphobic woman seeing all her worst fears come true, it’s pulse-y, danceable, and energized. The music develops and progresses along with the lyrics, as the song comes together like a good story.

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN UP:
Whether you want to move around like crazy, contemplate in the corner, or justget drunk, Beauty School can appease. A refreshing break from the typical jam band sesh or acoustic solo show, a Beauty School concert is raucous like a rock ‘n’ roll show should be—too weird for the normal people, but too normal for the weird ones.

UNLIKELY SOURCE OF INSPIRATION:
Andrew confesses he can always find inspiration in songs he hates (okay, maybe not “Photograph” by Nickleback). Wes’ badass pair of Ralph Lauren Polo shoes, which he always wears without socks while playing drums, make his sticks fly. Blake is inspired by the desire to one day quit his real job.

WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THEM:
Spark Art Space, The Lost Horizon, basement shows, Canada (hopefully).

THE BAND PROMISES THAT:
Wes will drink two Monster Energy drinks before the show, screw up at least twice, and break something over the course of the set. Every member will also take off their clothes (Well, at least their shirts.

TOP TRACK: “KINDLING FOR FIRE”
BOTTOM TRACK: “UP LATE”

In We Could Be Arsonists, the alt-rockers of Loquat make a banana split when they should have stuck with a simple ice cream cone. The group tries to expand its palate with electronic rhythm lines but ultimately saturates the final product with over-polished tones better suited for a Top 40 hit. The album’s only saving grace is the ear bending wails of Kylee Swenson. When she lets loose, like in “Kindling for Fire,” every other sound becomes irrelevant. Sadly, tracks like these serve as a bittersweet reminder of how raw this album could have been.

2 Nancies

TOP TRACK: “SIX WEEKS”
BOTTOM TRACK: “FROM FINNER

In 2012, it’s hard for bands like Of Monsters and Men to achieve the recognition they deserve. Indie’s current obsession with electronic goth pop, along with its awkward. Yet unrelenting embrace of hip-hop leaves little room for a sound as organic as that presented on My Head Is An Animal. In many ways, the band took everything good about indie music in the mid-2000s—the interweaving duets of Stars, the dynamic horn arrangements of Beirut, the anthemic hooks of Arcade Fire—and added its own voice. The tone is honest and the efforts are concerted, particularly on standout songs like the somber “Love Love Love” and the celebratory “Six Weeks.” Of Monsters and Men is confident in their aesthetic, unwilling to give into what might be most fashionable at the moment. And to top it off, they hail from Iceland. Storming through the electronic musical landscape, Of Monsters and Men is armed with real instruments, beautiful melodies, adorable Icelandic accents, and, most importantly, nothing to prove.

4 Nancies

TOP TRACK: “ANTHEM”
BOTTOM TRACK: “HALE-BOPP WAS THE BEDOUINS”

Produced in his small South Philly workspace, emcee/producer Lushlife’s latest LP Plateau Vision was conceived as a “contemplative hip-hop” album. Adhering to no particular genre, Lushlife throws boundaries out the door as he mixes multiple languages, hazed lo-fi production, and even classical music with fluid, punch-packing rap. To add to the melting pot, he invites a wide array of guest artists including Heemes of Das Racist, Shad, Cities Aviv, and Titus Andronicus guitarist Andrew Cedarmark. For what might sound like an album with too much going on, it actually works.

4 Nancies

Due to iPods and other MP3 technology, albums are a thing of the past.

1948-2012

Cause of Death: Steve Jobs

More than fifty years ago, Columbia Records unveiled an item that would revolutionize the music industry: the LP record, known to us simply as an “album.” For four decades this invention evolved and flourished as a beloved music vehicle. But in 1999, the world experienced a moment that changed the music industry—Napster went viral. Teens looking to hear cool, new (and of course underground) bands no longer had to take

a $15 gamble only to find out that three- quarters of it was actually too painful for their ears. The world of online music offered a simple solution: pick and choose individual songs to download. For free.

Thus began the demise of the album.

What Napster started, Apple finished. In 2001, the company released the original iPod and music officially fell victim to the digital age. Now anyone with a computer can deejay mass-producing personalized playlists. From “I-slept-with-someone-else” to “#SPRINGBREAK2012” every situation

suddenly warrants a unique progession of songs. In the five minutes we spend mixing songs, albums, and artists into a sentiment- saturated playlist, we’ve undermined months of work from artists, producers, and engineers.

Thanks to Napster and company, we’ve also destroyed the album’s presentation, starting with its very essence—the album cover.

Cover art had an iconic place on records, and then CDs. It represented the intrinsic bond between art and music— a 5×5 expression of creativity, social commentary, and the power of the visual image. Today, these artful images have been reduced to a mere 1 inch x 1 inch icon that most of us do not even notice.

It’s with deep regret that we bow our heads to the fallen album. Its extinction will be marked with sorrow, likely accompanied by the playing of a depressing song blasted from our iPods

3drivers.com

Sunday

- Tyra Banks isn’t ‘smizing’ this week: the dramatic shakeup resulting from the firing of veteran judge Nigel Barker on America’s Next Top Model has many questioning the show’s future.

- Coming soon to a dispensary near you: a marijuana vending machine. A California tech company is seeking to revolutionize the medical marijuana industry by offering touch-screen options for patients. The sweet smell of success!

Monday

styleblazer.com

- Former Spice Girl and fashion maven Victoria Beckham is designing her own line of Range Rovers. We are already choking on the eleganza!

- In other automotive news: a new app called Granny Nav will hit the market later this year. The plugin will assist elderly drivers in avoiding the dangers of the road, without accounting for the fact that elderly drivers make up the bulk of dangerous drivers in the first place…

datingish.com

Tuesday

- This one’s out of this world: Google announced that it will back a venture to mine asteroids for precious metals. It is believed to ultimately be cheaper and will not deplete Earth’s natural resources.

- Startling news in the field of science this week: it has been proven that trying on bikinis alters the hormone balance in women’s brains, making them feel anxious or depressed. She wore an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie yellow polka-dot bikini. 

Wednesday

coopersafety.com

- A new trend in America’s teens finds that hordes of young people are drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk. That doesn’t even look good on paper so we can imagine how it looks in practice. What will these kids think of next?

- Shocker! (Not Really). Beyonce was named as the “Most Beautiful Woman in the World” by People Magazine’s annual poll. Tell us something we didn’t already know…

lindagrimes.com

Thursday

- Ladies (and gentlemen) pay attention: a Florida doctor announced that he has found the real G-Spot, asserting that it is not in the location widely accepted by the medical community.

- You can breathe a little easier, as the overall air quality in the US is improving slightly for the first time in a decade. Take a whiff!

Friday

jezebel.com

- Lady Gaga kicked off her Born This Way Ball tour in Seoul today. Anyone under the age of 18 was forbidden to attend.

- The CDC revealed that over 41 Million American workers don’t get enough sleep. Go ahead and hit that snooze button…

chewatjhu.blogspot.com

By Lindsay Dolak

The idea of requesting, whether politely or forcibly, your roommate leave the room you share and then proceeding to lock and possibly white sock the door, may seem like unfair and potential fight-inducing behavior. I mean, why would you purposefully leave your roommate out in the empty, dirty-carpeted dorm hallway? Oh, you’re trying to get it in? Well, that just changes everything.

Sexiling is an increasingly common act on college campuses as students from campuses near and far seek out a private place they can turn into pound town. If you have been sexiled, think you might be, or think you might have to sexile your roommate, here is some situational advice for the art of the sexile.

The Sexiler:

Sexiling is easily one of the best practices I’ve encountered college students doing. Asking for some alone time with you and your current hook up is actually a completely understandable thing to do, provided that you aren’t a total bitch about it and certain stipulations apply.

Sexiling is appropriate if:

- You give your roommate some advanced warning. If he or she is at class or otherwise out and about, it’s only fair that you at least send a warning text letting him or her know what’s really shaking behind your shared entry way.

- Your roommate has not recently received any earth-shattering and/or bad news. If he just found out he’s not getting into Newhouse or she just heard that her fave sorority cut her during recruitment, they deserve some time with Ben and Jerry in bed without you banging away in the next bed.

- You don’t do this all the damn time! If this is an every weekend, possibly week-night, occurrence, then I’m here to give your roommate full permission to contest your request. “I had a roommate freshman year who would lock me out every night of the weekend to hook up with some guy. After a while, it’s like really? I’m just trying to wash this frat off my face and get to bed,” said Emily, a sophomore. Don’t cause unnecessary drama because you have a constant need to B you L on some T’s. Hook-ups come and go. Roommates are forever (in college time).

The Sexiled:

In my opinion, the term “sexile” falls second on the creativity scale to only one other sex-related term: “sexodus.” Urban Dictionary defines a sexodus as “the predicament one find’s oneself in when displaced from one’s room because one’s roommate is utilizing the aforementioned room for carnal pleasures, and one must find a way to pass the time until the room becomes unused again.” Genius, right? However, you may not think it so great when you are the one being locked out of all the homey comforts of your spacious abode.

Like sexiling, there is also an art to being sexiled and here are the basics:

- Don’t be a bitch about it. I understand the frustration, but assuming you’ll also have the potential for a random college hook up, or even a steady sexual relationship, you’re going to want your roommate to get the eff out so you can get the eff on at some point too.

- Don’t get taken advantage of. In regard to the above point, obviously things can get out of hand. Don’t let your roommate consistently kick you out and turn your shared space into his or her sex dungeon. Stick up for yourself and the sake of your stuffed animals that are being forced to watch the fornication.

- Bring homework, snacks, and a phone charger. Oh and headphones! Just in case your floor doesn’t have a lounge and you’re pretty much forced to sit right outside the door.

collegecandy.com

By Lauryn Botterman

A brief cross-section of the interesting characters you’ve probably encountered at your chosen institute of higher education.

The Clinger

This person seemed pretty chill for about the first two weeks of the semester, until you realized she would not leave you the fuck alone. You feel strangely obligated to continue to invite this person places, thereby enforcing a vicious cycle of parasitic friendship. You don’t have the heart to tell her to please learn the concept of personal space. She has your schedule memorized and will call you out on practically any excuse to not hang out—simultaneously creepy and obnoxious. Take this person in small doses whenever possible.

The Pothead

I’m talking about that kid who is literally always high. And if that person’s not high, he won’t shut up about how stoked he is to try out his new bong later. You’re pretty sure he’s majoring in Weed Appreciation with a minor in Being Stoned 24/7.  No one has quite figured out how he manages to function as a semi-productive human being, but he seems to have some sort of system going on where his actual life and scholarly obligations minimally interfere with his smoking needs. Bloodshot eyes, perma-grin, constantly hungry—hopefully he’ll have a few brain cells left by the time he graduates.

Le Douchebag

He’s the cocky fratstar, the womanizer, the guy you want to punch in the face. He’s hot in an “I know you’re just gonna fuck me over” kind of way. You know the type: square jaw, piercing eyes, slight scruff, constantly sporting an overpriced polo and Sperry’s. He gets what he wants when he wants it. He’s also got a bigger ego than Kanye West and couldn’t give two shits if you hate him for it.

Regina George Incarnate

This is the girl who professes adamantly on the first day you meet her that she hates drama. Yet whenever there is drama, you can inevitably trace it back to her. You thought you were escaping cattiness and immaturity when you graduated high school? Wrong: she’s back and she has claws. She spreads gossip and STDs in equal ratios and is constantly on a power trip. Despite her fake, whiny, and shallow personality, guys fall for her—until they realize she’s actually just a psychotic bitch. Stay away, dramawhores, stay far away.

The Haughty Vegetarian

“How can I wedge the fact that I don’t eat meat into this conversation? It obviously makes me morally superior to everyone else.” This is the life motto of the Haughty Vegetarian. And it’s obnoxious as hell. Yes, we are aware that you don’t consume animal flesh for moral/health/personal reasons. You do not need to announce this fact at every meal. Enjoy your salad and quinoa; I’m about to scarf down a burger and I don’t want so much as a condescending sideward glance as I do so.

Your Awkward Past Hookups

You were content to leave memories of that one night stand in the bed where you did the deed. Nope. God has a different plan in mind. How lucky it is that on a campus of 20,000 people, you run into your handful of awkward past hookups regularly, at the least ideal moments and locations: in the elevator, on line for coffee—and of course you happen to be wearing your shittiest outfit every time you see them. You could try to be mature about it and give them a calm and casual greeting. But I say why not make it as uncomfortable as possible by mutually pretending not to see each other, avoiding eye contact at all costs? Problem averted.

That Guy Who Never Leaves His Room

Creeper status to the max. He emerges from his room approximately once every three weeks. He smells bad and his hair is super greasy. Does he communicate with other human beings? Jury’s still out on that one. What’s his name again? Jeff? Or John maybe? Whatever.

The Overachiever

She’s the editor-in-chief of the campus newspaper, has a 4.0, is the president of her sorority, has a successful startup company, and also finds the time for a boyfriend and a social life. What did you accomplish today? Took a nap and thought about going to the gym. Shit. At least overachievers serve as motivation to get your own life in order. You’ll never understand how they get it all done, but it’s pretty inspiring. These are the people you’ll be working for in a few years, so get on their good side now.

A "red bag" used to throw away bloodied objects.

The blood was still wet. Two mornings earlier, on Friday, April 3, 2009, Jiverly Wong entered the American Civic Association with two pistols and a satchel of ammunition. He’d written his plans in a letter: “AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE GO WITH ME TO THE DUST OF THE EARTH.” He walked in, said nothing, and shot the immigration center’s receptionists and immigrants in a citizenship class. Then himself. He left his blood, the blood of the 13 he killed, and the blood of the four he critically wounded with the dust of the tile floor.

When Jim Coyle, president of Disaster Clean-Up, first walked into the Binghamton center that Sunday, he could tell from the bullet holes where Wong had stood and unloaded the 98 rounds. But Coyle says, almost three years later, dressed in a white button-down embroidered with the company logo and his circular face sun- reddened, that within 30 seconds he and the four other workers with him started discussing what they needed to do. There was a lot of blood. It was their job to clean it. And so as TV newspersons reported and passersby lay flowers outside, Coyle and the others put on disposable coveralls, chemical-resistant gloves, and full-face respirators. Then they got to it.

The police had removed the bodies and approved the scene for cleanup in accordance with protocol. Coyle doesn’t remember much furniture in the room where most of the victims died. But he recalls books soaked in blood. They put those in bags as red as cherry lollipops, marked with the biohazard symbol. Then they “red-bagged” each bag again and sealed them in labeled cardboard boxes. For the blood and body matter, they used mops, vacuum cleaners, steam cleaners, and disinfectants. Had the floor been carpeted and the blood seeped through, like in someone’s home, they would’ve cut the carpet out. Anything porous goes.

As they worked for about eight hours, aside from logistical talk, they chatted about normal topics—movies, sports. “You don’t dwell on what happened, how it happened, that kind of stuff,” Coyle says. “We were there for the business at hand, not to visualize what your imagination will run wild with.” Having other people there helped with that. And if it started to get to them, they left and took a walk, grabbed a soda. Cleared their heads. Many people vomit. But by the time Coyle got the call for the ACA, he’d already gone on dozens of death-scene cleanup jobs. And with each job, he became more desensitized. He also says he’s seen worse. He won’t say more.

Despite its macabre nature, crime and death-scene cleanup have become a popular occupation. Dee Countryman, who owns Mopheads Cleaning in Syracuse, says the first question any stranger asks her while she works a job isn’t “What happened?” It’s “Are you hiring?” But some of the recent entrants into the industry appear to amount to oblivious, “CSI”-glorifying wannabes, according to Rich Ross, president of the American Bio-Recovery Association. Ross says, “People see the show and they think, ‘Well, I can clean up.’ And everybody thinks they’re a great cleaner.” But while membership applications to the trade association have increased over the past few years (though Ross doesn’t keep statistics), most applicants fail to met its insurance, experience, and training standards.

ABRA offers its own certificate-based training sessions for the paying public. Ross runs some of them, so people email him YouTube clips of the practices taught in other organizations’ seminars. In some videos, instructors used real animal blood and body parts without wearing proper protective equipment, exposing the demonstrator to blood-borne pathogens that could carry tuberculosis, hepatitis, or HIV. He’s seen other trainers, with their bare hands, picking up maggots that they’ve allowed to crawl through blood. “If you don’t do this work right, you’re going to get yourself, or your employees sick—or a consumer,” Ross says. One time, Coyle parked across the street to watch a company work. They’d asked for half of Disaster Clean-Up’s price to complete the job (which varies based on the kind and scale of the scene). They wore no protective equipment and tossed furniture covered in bodily fluids into a U-Haul trailer.

Current federal laws allow states to regulate the creation, transportation, and disposal of hazardous waste through their own environmental programs, in concordance with Department of Transportation and Occupational Safety and Health Administration laws. But only two states—California and Louisiana— classify death scenes separately. Under current New York State Department of Environmental Conservation rules, death- scene-cleanup companies reside outside of the higher standards of medical waste regulations: the red, biohazard-labeled bags; the biohazard-labeled cardboard boxes; permanent waste transporters; and authorized medical waste disposal facilities. If death-scene cleanup fell under medical protocols, workers couldn’t legally throw the blood, brain matter, and other remains into a dumpster (or a U-Haul).

While most companies follow medical protocols, according to Alan Woodard, an environmental program specialist at the DEC, there are plans to amend DEC regulations to fix the problem. Though the change must first overcome several administrative hurdles, if it passes, crime-scene-cleanup companies will need to register with the state. They’ll also face the much higher penalties given to those who break medical waste law. While rare, criminally mismanaging medical waste can cost up to $25,000 per day per incident. Ross hopes that the potential standards in New York and other states will stop the shoddy work.

Proper, safe procedures matter to Coyle. He can remember New York State code rules by number and Disaster Clean- Up also belongs to ABRA, which teaches medical-waste standards. But beyond the legalities, those men working without protective equipment irked him. They seemed to only care about the money. And that difference divides cleanup companies: some care about their employees and the traumatized; others don’t. Caring nurtures a desire to do the job right—which isn’t to say it’s not a business. “Is it profitable? Yeah, it’s profitable,” says Coyle. “It’s a valuable service.” But Coyle seems to genuinely hold his clients’ emotions dear. His voice lowers when discussing his own experiences or contemplating someone cleaning up the blood of a person he loves. But his tone hardens, his cadence quickens, and his squinted eyes darken behind his half-frame glasses when talking about apathetic, mindless cleaners. “It’s a shame that someone’s loved one commits suicide,” he says. “But you don’t want the mother of the person walking into that room to clean it up. We’re there to put it back together again.” He worked the ACA job for free. Everyone did.

But caring too much can hurt. There’s a practical gain for cleaners in knowing what they’re walking into (gunshot: splatter; hanging: contained; hemorrhaging: seepage), but beyond those specifics, knowing less helps them cope. Sometimes, the scenes linger. Dee Countryman, of Mopheads, struggles with nightmares. Coyle thinks about that one job—the worst one—from time to time. And with a litany of bloody tragedies plaguing his life, some details bring back memories for Ross, who still works cleanups. Stab wounds remind Ross of his brother, whose wife stabbed him in the heart, killing him. Gunshot wounds make Ross recall the time his brother-in- law shot Ross while attempting to murder his sister and her kids. And the time a shotgun blast killed his nephew. “There are times when people say, ‘Oh it doesn’t really bother me at all,’” Ross says. “But eventually it will come back to you.”

Though Ross says his close relationship to murder didn’t influence his decision to join the industry. Unlike the entrants today, he says, he and many of the long-time ABRA members entered this business out of compulsion—not desire. Years passed between the deaths in Ross’ family and the beginning of his career in this industry. He owned his own janitorial company and got into carpet cleaning. But when something traumatic happened to a client, they called him. “And I’ve always felt families and friends should not have to do that kind of stuff,” he explains. That’s why this profession exists: cleaning up after a loved one tortures you. When Coyle took over Disaster Clean-Up with his wife, he told his employees that they planned to remove death-scene cleanup from their business. He said to them, “Nobody wants to do this.” But one, Cheryl Seymour, said she would work the jobs, as long as someone went with her. So he did. Seymour was one  of the others at the ACA.

Over time, cleaning blood gets easier. Coyle says he’d rather do the ACA again before another sewage backup (the smell may compare with that of human decomposition, which Countryman describes as a mix of ammonia and rotting cabbage—especially pungent in the summertime). Disaster Clean-Up also repairs sites after a fire or flooding. “You have to understand the nature of our business,” he says. “We deal in tragedy. So to me, that’s not out of the norm. It’s just a different tragedy.” Countryman puts it a bit more bluntly: “Blood is like mud.”

Sometimes though, family members must clean up on their own and face the medical and physical dangers themselves. Usually, homeowner’s insurance covers the cost. And if not, the New York State Office of Victim Services can pay up to $2,500 for the services—unless it’s a suicide; the statute denies payment when someone inflicts their own injuries. Countryman remembers getting a call from the grandparents of a teenager who killed himself. They lived on Social Security. They started cleaning the mess, but just couldn’t finish. So Countryman did the job for free.

The creations involved aren’t the only reason why relying on death and tragedy for work is strange. Murder—the core of the business—is capricious. U.S. Department of Justice statistics show that while the annual number of homicide victims rose slightly in the early 2000s, it’s steeply fallen from the beginning of the 90s, including a decrease over the past five years, which Kim Brundage, a senior crime analyst with the Syracuse Police Department, says is the standard time period for crime analysis because of the many socioeconomic changes that happen over that span. The national trend holds in Syracuse. Last year, the city saw only 13 murders, down from a peak of 24 in 2008. This year, so far, the city has only had one. (Statistics for suicides over the last two years remain unavailable.)

The low murder rate combined with the influx of cleanup companies makes a death scene a rare commodity. “You can’t do a steady diet of this,” says Ross. Because of the lack of jobs, Countryman recently put Mopheads Cleaning up for sale. But business is fine for Coyle. There haven’t been too many death-scene jobs in Binghamton of late, unlike for his counterparts in New York City and Atlanta, who he says work bloody sites every day. But other types of disaster happens all the time.

Before Coyle and the others left the ACA, the center’s director asked them to delete the photos they took as documentation for the insurance company. They did. Coyle then left; ate dinner at a local diner with a NYC sister company’s owner, who’d come to work the job; and then he went home.

womansavers.com

No relationship is consistently perfect. You aren’t always beaming over the very thought of your significant other, or even always happy with everything he or she does. During these “down periods,” a lot of people begin to question whether or not they want to stay in the relationship. Sometimes it’s good to have these thoughts because you should always keep in check with yourself about how you’re feeling. Any serious doubts, and it’s time to move on. But what happens when you’re in a relationship, love the person, but just need ‘space’? What does space even mean?

I’ve told a guy I needed to go on a “break” before. While most people say it’s a really shitty way of saying “I’m breaking up with you, and this is the easiest way to put it,” I actually meant that I just wanted a short time apart because I was confused about what I wanted because college was just around the corner. I loved him a lot, but questioned whether or not I needed to get a few things out of my system, and vice versa, first. You could call it selfish; it was like I was putting him on hold and, by no means, was it fair.

Hannah Boehm*, a junior, said she told her boyfriend she needed a break because he was too controlling. “He would ask me hundreds of questions about who I was with, if any other guys were there, look through my phone. I loved him a lot and wanted to be with him, but he needed to realize I would leave if it kept up, so I thought going on a break was the best option for us,” she said. Boehm and her boyfriend are no longer together because the time apart became “too comfortable.”

When most people think about taking a break, they instantly think it’s the start of a downward spiral to a breakup. Out of 34 respondents—14 male and 20 female—about 94 percent said they believe this to be true. Is it the time apart, or is it what happens during that time apart that can lead to a breakup?

If you’re going on a break, for the sake of yours and your partner’s sanity, set rules. Talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend and negotiate what are appropriate and inappropriate actions during the break. Define what you both consider cheating. There is no right or wrong answer, and it’s never universal among all couples. Some cut off all contact with one another, others hook up without a label, and some say it’s okay to hook up with other people. It all varies.

Matt Stewart*, a senior, said that during the time he and his girlfriend were on a break, she took it as “I can hook up with whoever I want; I’m single,” while he took it as “We’re getting back together; we just aren’t physically in each other’s lives right now.”

Bringing up the B-word offsets a relationship no matter what and is taken even more seriously when it’s out of the blue. You be the judge. You might need the break, but is it worth losing someone you love or want to be with eventually? If you’re questioning things, maybe the time just isn’t right for now and you should go on a break. Time apart could actually do your relationship good. Meet different people. Experience different relationships. Decide for yourself what you want and don’t want.

But please do not expect anyone to wait for you. You can’t make someone do that, and you shouldn’t want him or her to do that either. Getting back together too soon, without letting some things out of your system, isn’t fair for either of you. The worst that could happen is you don’t end up together, but keep in mind he or she isn’t the only person in this world.

*Names are changed for anonymity

Photos by Meg O’Malley

A statue of Moroni, the founder of Mormonism, in Palmyra, N.Y.

In February, a researcher discovered that a Mormon church in the Dominican Republic posthumously baptized Anne Frank into its faith. As a Jew who’s visited concentration camps, I felt offended. Anne Frank— who died because of her Jewish faith—a baptized Mormon? But ignorance breeds hatred, so I decided to venture to nearby Palmyra, N.Y., the birthplace of Mormonism. I needed a sidekick though. So I asked my roommate Lela, an evangelical Christian, to come along. The night before our trip, we watched a four-hour PBS documentary about the religion. We learned the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (short- handed as LDS) reasoned that baptizing nonbelievers after they’d died would enable their souls to enter “God’s Kingdom.”

The Mormon Church has a genealogical database called familysearch.org, containing 2 billion names taken from government census data. Today the database acts as a free public online resource but also has a Mormon-members-only counterpart, indicating if someone’s been baptized yet. Mormons use the site to find names, which pop up on a computer screen in front of a temple pool as baptism candidates are dunked. The ultimate goal is to convert as many living and dead as possible.

We paused the film so we could log onto the site. Lela typed in the name of her great- grandmother, Lucille Colbert, a Southerner with no connection to Mormonism. But her name still came up in the search queries filling the screen. On the rightmost column, under “children,” she pointed out her grandmother’s name. Lela burst into tears, sobbing at the idea of the Mormon “cult,” as she referred to the religion after the PBS doc, posthumously baptizing her great-grandmother. I wasn’t sure if she’d still come with me.

Lela was saved two years ago. She went from being a “huge social liberal” who rejected marriage to wanting a Duggar-sized family and living by literal biblical principles. “The idea of submitting to my husband would have made me vomit,” she told me. “Now it makes me rejoice.” I’m not as devout. To fast, I eat less. On Passover, I add matzo to my diet without eliminating much else. But despitethis,I’mpassionateaboutmyJewish tradition. I’ve visited concentration camps in Poland and been to Israel four times; my 19-year-old cousin is an officer in the Israeli navy. And despite our differences, Lela and I share a profound interest in other religions.

All religions have miracles (the burning bush or Jesus walking on water) but something about bringing a biblical religion into American history—saying the Garden of Eden is in Missouri and believing Native Americans descend from an ancient Israelite tribe—by way of a 14-year-old seemed so far- fetched and, well, unbelievable. I wanted to know, “Why do people believe in this?”

A Mormon Temple in Palmyra, N.Y. Only Mormons with a "temple recommend" from a bishop can enter.

On a spring day in 1820, a 14-year-old boy named Joseph Smith had a vision of God and Jesus in a grove near his home in Palmyra. Three years later, in his bedroom he saw an angel who called on him to go to a nearby hill and dig up a set of golden tablets with holy writings on them. He did as he was told. Within a few years, Smith translated the writings on the plates, which became the Book of Mormon.

The following morning, a Sunday, Lela and I drank our favoriteTim Hortons coffees and jammed to Broadway’s The Book of Mormon soundtrack as we headed to Palmyra, an hour’s drive west of Syracuse. We first visited the Smith family’s log home. Metal plates, cutlery, and mugs adorned the dining room table. Glass encased the original family Bible. We followed Sister Raines, a 21-year-old missionary and our tour guide. Lela and I referred to her as the “down-to-earth missionary.” Nothing she said sounded scripted, embellished, or dumbed down. Her candor prompted me to mention the Holocaust victims and the posthumous baptisms. She assured me the church didn’t mean to offend anyone by it. She said they’re just giving souls a chance to embrace the Mormon gospel, adding, “If someone danced on the graves of my dead relatives I wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

She led Lela and I up the narrow wooden staircase to Joseph Smith’s bedroom, which he shared with his eight siblings. Light poured out of a small window just above Smith’s bed, where Mormons believe Moroni, the angel, appeared. Believing the bedroom constituted a sacred space, I hesitated to ask if I could take a picture. “Of course,” Sister Raines said. “There’s nothing you can ask, say, or do that hasn’t been done before.”

A girl stands attentively observing the Moroni statue.

I mentioned this moment to Airen Hall, a Ph.D. student at Syracuse University, who wrote her dissertation on contemporary LDS pilgrimages to significant sites like Palmyra. She also practiced Mormonism until age 17. She explained that, unlike other religions, Mormons don’t have a consensus on what is holy. “Mormons place emphasis on personal revelation,” she said. It’s up to the individual’s experience and whether they “feel the spirit.” This reminded me of my trip to Israel last summer. I remember an elderly lady at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem sobbing at Jesus’ tomb. She fell to her knees with a plastic tote bag filled with prayer shawls. Our tour guide speculated that they belonged to her church friends from back home who asked her to rub them on the tomb. A handful of church members walked around the sites visited in Palmyra. None seemed as emotional as the shawl lady.

Although Mormonism emphasizes personalized reverence, most members share a common peace while visiting a Mormon temple. In 2000, the LDS built its 77th temple in Palmyra. It’s bone white. The rectangular windows, geometric shape, and repeating circular pattern along the frieze resemble Frank Lloyd Wright’s organic style. A golden statue of Moroni sits on a pillar, overlooking the temple grounds. Lela and I knew almost nothing about it beside that we weren’t allowed inside. Only Mormons who receive a “temple recommend” from a Mormon bishop can enter. Inside, there’s no traditional praying—only special ceremonies like weddings, endowments, and posthumous baptisms.

When Lela and I walked around the temple, we noticed that every window contained stained glass trees, leaves, and a blue sky to represent the Sacred Grove where Joseph Smith received his first vision, a half- mile away. Days later in a Mormon church in Syracuse, Brittany and Ryan Milcarek remember getting married in the Palmyra Temple in October. They recalled mirrors lining the room that held their ceremony, symbolizing the eternal bond they were committing to. Mimicking its exterior, attendees must remove their street clothes in favor of all-white ensembles. It’s supposed to be the closest thing to heaven on earth.

A look into the town of Palmyra, NY.

On that Sunday, the majority of businesses on Main Street were closed, except for Athenia, a bustling diner populated by elderly couples fixated on Brian Williams’ mug on the large flat-screen TVs. But when I started asking about the Mormon community, the hum of Sunday night chatter fell uncomfortably silent. Our

waitress claimed that she neither knew much nor had an opinion about the Mormons. I mentioned this to Bonnie Hays of Historic Palmyra, the local historical society. “I’m not a Mormon, but I think they’re the nicest, kindest, and most generous people I know,” she says. Hays, who’s lived in the town for 42 years, describes Palmyra as “the most accepting place I’ve ever been to. I think it’s always been this way.” The notion echoes parts of Palmyra’s history, which takes root in abolitionism, the temperance movement, women’s rights, and religious revivals (spiritualism was born in Palmyra, too). Palmyra’s “Four Corners” symbolize this history: four churches of different denominations reside at each corner at the intersection of Canadaigua Street and Main Street in the town.

Mormons have a different take. They say nonbelievers drove Joseph Smith and his followers out of Palmyra. “Persecution was basic human behavior,” Hays told me. “It wasn’t good behavior, but it was behavior nonetheless.” Though contention remains over whether or not the first Mormons were persecuted or just “made fun of,” as Jan Shipps, one of the foremost non-Mormon scholars on the LDS, believes. Coming from a religion with a long history of persecution, I can empathize with the Mormons’ sensitivity to the topic. The Mormons established Ufor similar reasons Jews founded Israel. A restaurant patron reminded me that we were visiting the town during its off-season. Palmyra blossoms in July, during the seven- day Hill Cumorah Pageant. Celebrating its 75th anniversary this year, the performance takes place on the hill where Joseph Smith found the golden tablets; the ground seats 8,000. The 700-person cast depicts scenes from the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Thousands of believers make the pilgrimage to either watch or participate. On our way back onto I-90, Lela and I passed the Hill Cumorah and noticed the dilapidated farmhouses and rundown trailer park just a mile or so away from the onramp. I remember a rush of questions streaming through my head. I still understood little. I’d learned a lot about the history, personality, and unwavering faith of Mormons. But, even among the relics and followers, I never got a clear answer on why people believe in the visions of a 14-year- old so deeply. And so Lela plugged in my iPhone, and we started singing along:

You all know the Bible is made of testaments old and new

You’ve been told it’s just those two parts, or only one if you’re a Jew

But what if I were to tell you—there’s a fresh third part out there

Which was found by a hip new prophet who had a little… Donny Osmond flair?

Read our Web Exclusive Face Time with Marc Clay, Syracuse’s stake president for the LDS Church.

I’ve been to raves and concerts a plenty and my closet’s got the garb to prove it. Many of you Block Party-goers may be scrambling for last-minute outfit ideas, so I’ve created a quick list for ya’ll to consult for a stand-out get-up—besides wearing glow bracelets, neon, and a Kaskade tee.

1. Sequin Vest – I bought mine at Urban Outfitters for $20. It goes with everything and is the best thing to add on top of a bandeau. I’ve gotten compliments on it at every show I’ve worn it to. There’s just something about a shiny vest that grabs the attention from all the friendly people at raves.

2. Fringe - Cut up an old shirt (or a new Kaskade one?), buy a cute one that’s already got the fringe on it, whatever. Fringe is fun to dance in, and it gives your outfit the same movement you feel inside of you.

3. Neon Bandeau - If you’re going to go with the typical neon bandeau look, find one with a cool pattern. Stop at Some Girls on Marshall Street; they have dozens of colors and patterns available, and they’re selling for only $12.

4. Tutu - It’s fun, it’s flirty, and it’s a popular look for raves. If you’re going to dress up, why not go for the whole shebang? The only faux pas is that it’s hard to dance with someone while wearing a tutu. But, you do look pretty awesome tearing it up on your own.

5. Kaskade Booty Shorts - I found these while looking for some cool merchandise. They say “Kaskade,” and they make your ass look amazing. What more can you ask for? If you’re interested in buying other Kaskade merchandise, click here.

article.wn.com

Slide over, Siri, there’s a new eerily unemotional voice recognition app in town. After nearly three months of rejection, Voice Answer, developed by the Netherlands-based company Sparkling Apps has been approved by Apple and can now be purchased in the app store. According to Techcrunch.com, it’s usable on any iPhone, iPod or iPad running iOS 4.2 or later. The new app, whose icon graphic has an uncanny resemblance to the crazed cyborgs Will Smith fought off in I, Robot, opens up the purchase options for those who fancy conversing with their mobile devices, but don’t want to upgrade to the 4s. On the other hand, it remains to be seen if the largely untested Voice Answer can stand up against Siri and her hoards of loyal users.

There’s no question that Apple has the monopoly on voice-recognition applications. Siri was one of the main marketing focuses when the 4s was released and has become a household name since then. People have faith in Apple products and the company’s brand image makes it almost impervious to competition.

“I don’t think Voice Answer will compete with Siri because, let’s face it, Apple controls the market right now. I think the iPhone revolution is still as strong as ever and sales will go up every time a new iPhone comes out. So, Siri is here to stay for the long-haul,” said Andrew Chernoff, a senior broadcast journalism and political science double major, mirroring the sentiments of most avid Apple users.

Voice-recognition app developers have their work cut out for them as they must persuade consumers their product can offer something different than the already well-established Siri. But if they play their cards right, success could be found with consumers who don’t see the necessity of buying the iPhone 4s, and we can’t forget about iPad owners who lack Siri. Of course, the challenge will be escaping Siri’s shadow, something Sparkling Apps may struggle with as Eve, its last attempt to compete with Apple voice recognition, failed miserably.

“As for other phones, I think voice recognition will be popular, but at the end of the day, people will recognize Siri’s name a lot more,” Chernoff agreed.

Voice Answer is by no means perfect and is no exception to the common flaws of voice recognition apps, but it has promise. According to Tuaw.com, the app handles questions that require quick answers well and doesn’t jump to the web to find solutions, which Siri often does.

“It’s $3.99, which isn’t bad, but I don’t think it’s been fully developed yet to make it worth my time,” said Jon Gregalis, a sophomore public relations major. “I like that it can answer lots of questions, but what I seek is the ability for the voice activation control to do is read my texts to me and respond to them depending on what I tell it to say.”

http://midwesternmiscreant.tumblr.com/

By Natasha  Schuyler

A year ago, Jeanette Wall, a junior in the Bandier program, started The Miscreant, a promotional magazine for various bands. She said she wanted to help give back to all the contributors and bands, so she decided to make a compilation tape. Although the tape didn’t come to fruition, the idea planted a seed that she really wanted to release records.

Wall worked at Ba Da Bing Records, an independent record label, this past summer. She already knew much of what she did at the internship, but seeing the daily ins and outs of running a label was a learning experience in itself. Being the go-to mail person at the label, Wall was responsible for sending out vinyl, T-shirts, and other random items that either the label or the artists needed.

“It was just like crazy stuff. The label was also in the guy’s house, so seeing the lifestyle that you lead whenever you run a record label, sort of made it more real,” she said.

Also, reading Our Noise: The Story of Merge Records made her realize how possible it is for someone with her interests to start a label. She started Miscreant Records in late 2011, which releases records on cassette and vinyl.

“Obviously the music is what’s important. That should definitely catch your attention,” Wall said. “But I want to make sure it looks as cool as the music is and that you have that tangible experience with cassette or vinyl, which I think is definitely the foundation of the record label, and my philosophy on music because I love analog technology.”

Wall said she is currently working to release Dumb Talk’s next album on pink vinyl. Miscreant Records uses United Record Press, located in Nashville, one of the largest vinyl pressing companies in the country. The company even presses albums for Third Man Records, Jack White’s record label.

Some of the bands Miscreant Records works with are Walls’ friends. She said she likes to take on bands that she enjoys the music of, with no particular genre in mind. Others she sees live or finds on blogs.

“They’re just my friends. It is like getting married,” said Wall. “I’m taking a huge financial risk, but also I’m still building a brand and the artists trust you to brand their record correctly, and you trust them to represent the brand. I guess it’s just you want to have people who’s music not only do you love, but people you know will sell records who would be passionate about pushing it and be responsible and not get too ahead of themselves.”

Wall said she believes the word miscreant means being a misfit and not feeling like you fit in all the time.

“I feel everybody feels like that so it is a really identifiable, really inclusive brand identity, which is really something I’m all about.”

The Week of 4/15-4/20

Sunday 4/15

- Party like a rockstar: Normally-reserved Secretary of State Hillary Clinton took to the Colombian nightclub scene while on official State business this week. Madame Secretary was seen downing several beers and dancing with her arms in the air. Fuck the haters and maybe ask her about it at her guest lecture Monday.

- This week marks the annual Coachella music festival, where a hologram of Tupac appeared on stage with Snoop and Dr. Dre. “Imma let you finish Tupac, but Princess Leia is the best hologram of all time…”

Monday 4/16

usmagazine.com

- In health news: a rising surge in the number of chin implant surgeries has surpassed those of breast enlargement over the last 18 months. Because, you know, a chin really turns us on…

- Former That 70’s Show castmates Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have officially announced that they are dating. Pretty rad, dude.

radaronline.com

Tuesday 4/17

- Something smells fishy: The FDA announced the recall of over 58,825 lbs. of sashimi-grade tuna after 100 people came down with salmonella.

- Over 20 Secret Service officials have been implicated for grave misconduct during the President’s recent trip to Colombia. Apparently Hillary wasn’t the only one dropping it like it was hot…

Wednesday 4/18

gawker.com

- In feel-good news this week: an East Texas boy started a lemonade stand to raise money for his father’s caner treatment. The savvy businessman effectively raised over $10,000 to cover the family’s medical expenses.

- Speaking of heart-warming optimism: a recent study revealed that a positive outlook on life could help protect against heart disease. Don’t worry, be happy!

usmagazine.com

Thursday 4/19

- The nation mourns a media icon this week: SU alum Dick Clark passed away at the age of 82. New Year’s Eve will never be quite as rockin’.

- Hot for teacher: a Southern California teacher was fired after it was discovered that she had appeared in several porn films.

Friday 4/20

torontosun.com

- Songstress Adele led the Billboard Music Award Nominations. The British singer garnered 18 nominations for her mega-hit album, 21.

- In weird news around the world: A New Zealand mother died from drinking nearly 2 gallons of Coca-Cola each day.

Jerk profiles Josh Oliver, a senior in the College of Visual and Performing Arts.

hubpages.com

If you’ve ever had sex or have been sexiled and forced to hear your roommate bang it out while you wait in the hallway reading your Biology book, you know that there are many different noises that come along with a hearty hump session. And if you know this, then you also know that these musical stylings of sex are fucking disgusting. All that moaning and groaning (you do not sound sexy and it is probably why he hasn’t finished yet) and slapping, clapping, and slurping could use some muffling. So, instead of letting your partner smother your face with a pillow to help shut you up, here are some of the best beats to bang to depending on your sexual style.

If you want slow, close, sexual sex:

I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving You – John Mayer

Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon

One in a Million – Aaliyah

Shot For Me – Drake

Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band

Skin – Rihanna

Take You Down – Chris Brown

Dead Wrong – The Fray

If you want fast-paced, panting, dripping in sweat sex:

Strip – Chris Brown

Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin

Satisfaction – Benny Benassi

Cold Hard Bitch – JET

So Much Love – Fedde Le Grand

Sandstorm – Darude (best for sex marathons!)

We Found Love – Rihanna

Kill Everybody - Skrillex

The Classics:

Pony – Ginuwine

Pour Some Sugar on Me – Def Leppard

Splash Waterfalls – Ludacris

Too Close – Next

Fucking You Tonight – Notorious B.I.G.

Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye (duh)

Dirrrty – Christina Aguilera

Happy love making you little Mozarts!

Scott Thomas

By Lauryn Botterman

HOT

1. Dressing exactly the same as everyone else

Philosophical question: If you’re a girl but you’re not sporting the black leggings/sorority letters/zip-up hoodie/oversized sunglasses/middle-part look, do you actually go to Syracuse University? And if you’re a guy but not wearing the classic T-shirt/sweatshirt/baggy jeans/Nikes ensemble, you should probably question whether you’re on the right campus, too. There is no better feeling than walking down Marshall Street realizing that you’re practically a clone of everyone else you pass. Conformity! It’s truly thrilling. Better get on board with the standard wardrobe ASAP or risk being shunned by all of Orange Nation.

2. Talking in the library

They don’t call it Club Bird for nothin’. And you thought you were going to the library to find a quiet place to study? Pshh. Who are you? The library is obviously the prime spot for loudly discussing this weekend’s antics with your friends for hours on end. If you were attempting to write a paper or cram for a final, tough shit. We’re trying to socialize here. #sorrynotsorry.

3. Nonstop dubstep

You came to a frat party thinking the DJ would supply a wide variety of musical genres to dance to? Jokes. What could be better than jamming exclusively to dubstep remixes of Top 40 hits for two hours? It’s totally original and fun! You can fade into darkness again and again and again. Never gets old. “Call Me Maybe” on the other hand….

NOT

1. Internet connection

Connecting to the Internet is soooo overrated. AirOrangeX works fine just the way it is: spotty and slow. You got kicked off the network five times in the past hour? Whatevs, no biggie. Just gotta connect again! It’s super easy and convenient, especially when you’re trying to do research online or in the process of writing a long email. Seriously, everyone should calm the eff down about AirOrangeX. Here at Syracuse, we’re too good for reliable Internet access.

2. Sunshine

Gray skies and precipitation are our thing. They say there are two seasons in Syracuse: winter and almost-winter. We embrace shitty weather. Who needs a giant, shining orb in the sky when you can go tanning at Garbo’s four days a week? The lack of sunshine motivates us to stay in and study—and then go out and drink excessively to get over the fact that we practically live in the frozen tundra. Cold weather builds character. Plus, it’s also endlessly entertaining to watch drunk kids freeze their asses off as they walk down Comstock in search for parties in little-to-no clothing.

3. Actually going to class

It is said that the key to success in college is learning to manage your time efficiently. So if you interpret that as skipping your 9:30 Econ lecture to watch a marathon of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, then so be it. Get the notes from a friend and spend the morning in bed mentally assuring yourself that you’ll get your life together eventually. Now that’s time management. Are you getting the most out of your education and respecting the thousands of dollars your parents are paying in tuition? Uhh, maybe not so much. But every college student should know how to discreetly and skillfully bullshit his or her way through life once in a while. It’s a necessary evil.

nytimes.com

By Laura Cohen

Work sucks, but us broke college students need cash one way or another. What’s one thing that makes work less miserable? Hot co-workers, of course. The media often makes co-worker relationships seem natural. Love can bloom where you least expect it, according to The Proposal. And how about The Office, anyone? You may think you’re the next Jim and Pam, but things don’t always work out that way.

Canoodling with a co-worker can be risqué, or just plain risky. Let’s distinguish between the work settings.

Casual Summer Job:

Pro: When working somewhere low-pressure, such as a local ice cream shop, summer camp, diner, etc., you’re likely to bond with co-workers and are likely to want more than just a work relationship with one (or a few) of them. And it’s easy, since you can spend most of your time flirting and won’t get in trouble, because no one gives a shit about his or her work here.

Con: People often form tightly knit groups of friends at these easy, breezy summer jobs. When you date someone and things turn sour, you’re stuck with an awkward situation, ruining the group chemistry for everyone.

The verdict: Go for it. Maybe things will work out and you’ll get voted cutest couple at the convenience store. If not, remember these jobs come and go and chances are you won’t work at the same place next summer. Unless it’s one of those sleepaway camp cults—then you’ll end up cursing out your ex about his or her scheming, kniving ass around the children, sufficiently enough to get fired.

Internship:

Pro: You spend most of the day fetching coffee, making copies, and sorting mail. A cute fellow intern can brighten up even the worst of days, and your “coy” flirting at the morning meetings can make all the difference.

Con: Internships are competitive, and whoever you’re seeing could easily stab you in the back tomorrow to impress the boss.

The verdict: No matter how bad you want it, it’s best to resist this. Now is the time to make a good impression on your higher-ups, not fellow measly interns. Be the best damn coffee fetcher you can be. Once you’re actually making money and not just earning school credit or a stipend, you can try mixing business with pleasure.

“Real World” Job:

Pro: Just admit it, you’ve had a fantasy about doing some hot secretary on your desk in the office. Where else do you think the “CEO’s and Office Hoes” party theme came from? There’s something hot about a power couple that appear sophisticated and successful in the conference room, although they’re both thinking about the hot rendezvous they had in the supply closet during their last break.

Con: If you think you’re sticking at this place for a while, remember you’re stuck with this guy or girl too—for better or for worse. If it doesn’t work out, there’s literally no escaping them and you’ll dread work even more.

The verdict: Proceed with caution. If you’re just too horny to keep it in your pants from 9 to 5 (which I know many of you are), avoid prospects in your department and go for someone you won’t have to see ALL the time. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, anyway.

Warning: Unless you’re planning to make a living filing sexual harassment claims, stick to someone in a similar position level as yours. If they’re a step down or a step up in the company, it’ll do. But don’t get involved with anyone important enough to fire you. Because if they do, you’ll always be wondering if it was because you didn’t do your job well, or didn’t do well enough at your, uh, other daily tasks. We Jerks have enough wit, charm and sass to make it on our own—without screwing the boss.

Those of us who go to Syracuse University know that the weather can be nothing short of bipolar at times. The same seems to go for the weather here in London. Just two weeks ago it was beautiful and sunny, never dropping below 65 degrees. Things have changed this week, however, and now it’s raining and a bit chilly. So what should you do if you’re unsure what the weather is going to be like? Layer! You can always take off, but you can never add on if you’re out and about.

Above, you can see Krystina Toscas, a psychology major from Boulder University of Colorado, doing it in an effortless yet put together way. Toscas is wearing a darling and comfy cardigan from Nordstrom that hits right below her elbow. Knit cardigans are great because they aren’t too heavy but they provide just the right amount of warmth on a chilly day. You can also pair them with anything: dresses, jeans or a cute blouse.  Don’t let the weather deceive you again!

jcrew.com

SaksFifthAvenue.com

UrbanOutfitters.com

Owner of Boba Suite Tea House on Marshall Street, Glenda Nunez, spills to JERK about what she was like as a freshman and what we can expect to see from the teahouse in the future. She also gives us advice on how to survive the winter in Syracuse and shares her favorite drink in the house.

1. What is your favorite drink on the menu?

I go through phases, so my favorite right now is lychee apple nectar.

2. What’s your favorite food spot on Marshall Street?

It really depends on what I’m in the mood for, but my go to is definitely Oishi Sushi because we just kind of run over, Varsity Pizza if we have time to sit down, Jimmy John’s if we’re in a rush, and Bleu Monkey whenever we’re feeling special.

3. If you could change SU’s colors, what would you change them to?

I’d bring back the navy; bring back the navy with the orange. I like the orange because it’s unique and, honestly, off this campus I don’t really see it. I love orange, but I would definitely want to bring back the navy.

4. Can you tell us a little bit about the history of Boba Suite Tea House?

The previous owners were actually three students from SU and they opened it in August 2010, then I started working here last summer in July. I officially took over management on March 15, but we were still in the transition phases and I hadn’t signed any legal paper work so that was like a trial month. As of April 2011 I became the official owner and, as of yesterday, I paid the down payment, so it’s official.

5. How do you feel about Kim Kardashian?

I’m not into the whole reality TV thing.

6. What’s your best tip for dealing with Syracuse winters?

I think just enjoy them because I spent my first two years complaining about it and then my  third and  fourth year, I just stopped complaining and just enjoyed it. Bundle up and go for a walk.

7. What’s something people don’t know about you?

The past four years have been really rough on me. Just going into why the staff and I bonded so strongly against what these three owners have done is mostly because when I was in college, I was broke. My family and I had been just awful with the whole financial situation. During college, the way I explain it to people was I worked four jobs: one for tuition, one for my family, one for myself, and one for bills. I worked four jobs or more depending on the semester and what I could get. I actually own another business—it’s a florist shop. With that florist, I was kind of able to buy my freedom, and the purchase of this teahouse feels like it’s my baby. I guess what people don’t know about me is that I used to be homeless when I was very young and I don’t want the staff here or anyone to go through what I went through.

8. In one sentence, what do you do all day?

I multitask. I have to multi-task everything if I want to get done what I need to get done and still be able to have some free time.

9. What was your first job?

Sadler dining hall.

10. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

Travel around the world. It’s a big thing to check off, but I want to travel. I want to go back to Hong Kong. I studied abroad there in 2010.

11. Your go-to vending machine delicacy?

Probably a Pop-Tart.

12. Freshman year at SU, you were the kid who…

I kind of kept to myself. I was a little awkward. I was just kind of trying to find myself. I tried any and everything on this campus.

13. What can we look forward to at the Boba Suite Tea House?

I want people to look forward to the changes that we are going to make because, right now, we just do teas but I do want to add food to the menu. It’ll be something small, not like sit-down dinner—some pastries and bakery stuff. I want to expand to parfaits and yogurts with a wide variety of toppings. We just want to connect more with the campus. I want students to have a place to showcase their work and for kids to think of this place as a home base to chill. I want to create a more ‘homey’ feel. For long-term, we’re experimenting with a Boba late-night menu with like a Baileys mint chocolate chip milkshake.

Visit Boba Suite Tea House at  713 South Crouse Avenue  or call it an order at (315) 299-5084. 

guardian.co.uk

By Shea Garner

George Orwell wasn’t too far off with his classic novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. While his predictions about our technological advances may have been slightly off, his eye for government intrusion on private matters was more or less spot-on. With the looming threat of SOPA’s passage as well as other similar acts, the government’s wish to monitor our private lives is becoming more and more apparent.

I’ve been studying in London this semester and this issue seems especially prominent here in the UK. Pubs, Radiohead, and bad teeth aside, the United Kingdom has been the center of the debate in whether or not a government should be able to control social networking. After the London riots in August 2011, some government officials suggested keeping watch over social networks like Facebook and Twitter (both tools were used by “rioters” to spread information to the public). This only seemed to ignite the rage exhibited by many of the protestors both then and now.

As of April 2012, the BBC reports that new laws will allow the government to monitor the email and web usage of everyone in the UK. Big Brother is watching! Felonies have even increased since the government announced that the installation of cameras and other security devices would make crime almost impossible to get away with. This marks another step in Parliament’s hope to crack down on crime and terrorism in their country, but finds them slipping into Orwellian territory. The office states that their actions are justified to “maintain the continued availability of communications data as technology changes.”

What does this have to do with our great citizens back in the US of A? Get angry! The UK is more or less taking the steps that our government has already taken with the introduction of the Patriot Act in 2001. And SOPA will only continue to restrict what we are able to view and access on the Internet. Students in London have already expressed their dismay with this proposition, even going as far as threatening more rioting. What are we doing back in America? Call up your state’s senators and speak your mind so we can, indeed, stay “the land of the free.”

beandd.blogspot.com

She started out making costume jewelry with the bead kits many girls had when they were younger. Not knowing that she would pick the hobby up again years later, sophomore education major Brittney Rutigliano designs her own jewelry from semi-precious stones. She even stores them in her old bead kits.

Rutigliano, who runs her own jewelry company The Alyse Collection, says she searches the New York City fashion district to find the perfect stones for her collection. “I always say I’ll go there for one hour and I’ll get a couple of things and I’ll leave five hours later.”

She recalls a time she was in the city and saw a bracelet being sold for $150, similar to the ones now in her collection . Rutigliano said she looked at it and realized she could make a bracelet just like that and sell it for much less.

“They were saying like a lot of designers come to our stores to buy our things and they charge so much more,” Rutigliano said. “That’s kind of how I got into it and I realized I could do this myself and sell it at school and to the girls our age.”

Rutigliano uses an assortment of stones to make her jewelry. “I always pick something that’s a very vibrant color and I like that each stone has a type of pattern to it. I like the red tiger eye cause it’s just a beautiful color. They’re all natural, like it’s not like they’re dyed or anything,” she said.

A portion of the sales goes to charity, something Rutigliano says continued from when she made costume jewelry as a child.

“I would sell a bracelet for a dollar and donate it to my parents’ foundation when I was younger. I guess that’s my whole reasoning for why I like to donate a portion of the sales.”

The Alyse Collection is currently sold at J. Michaels on Marshall Street and a small boutique in Long Island. Rutigliano says that a couple girls at SU knew about her collection and recommended that she go and show her jewelry to J. Michael.

Rutigliano’s collection is a unique and trendy collection because she makes every piece custom. “I don’t like to repeat any same look, like the same charms with the same stone, because I want everyone to have a different bracelet.”

This summer Rutigliano says she is going to work on adding a vintage collection to her jewelry line with some charms from the 40s mixed with the semi-precious stones she uses for the rest of her collection.

“I would love to hopefully one day like kind of start a trend. Like a lot of girls will start wearing my jewelry and my collection will start being the hottest thing on campus.”

wrcbtv.com

Sunday 4/8

- Longtime CBS Correspondent Mike Wallace passed away at the age of 93. Wallace is best known for pioneering the 60 Minutes series.

- What would YOU do for an iPad? A teen in China takes the cake this week when he traded his own kidney for Apple products.

Monday 4/9

slashgear.com

- In tech news this week, Facebook bought out photo app Instagram for a whopping $1 Billion. Smile — they’re watching you!

- In random news you (don’t) need to know this week: a new survey reveals what state Americans hate the most: California. California nabbed the title from New Jersey, which has held the record for most hated state for 12 years running.

politicker.com

Tuesday 4/10

- Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum cashed in his chips and officially ended his campaign for President this week. After 14 months of fierce campaigning, Santorum finally realized that he’s a moron.

- The Miss Universe competition has officially ended its longtime ban on Transgendered contestants. Keep working those heels, girl.

Wednesday 4/11

frontiersla.com

- Betty White, the original ‘Bad Bitch,’ launched her official Twitter page this week, raking up over 100,000 followers overnight.

- Speaking of oldie but goodies, the lineup for Lollapalooza was announced this week and will feature acts like Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Black Keys, and Black Sabbath.

latimesblogs.com

Thursday 4/12

- This just in from the White House: President Obama still thinks Kanye is a “jack-ass,” but thinks Jay-Z is talented. Foreign policy followed by hip hop – all in a day’s work for the leader of the free world.

- J.K. Rowling’s first post-Potter novel has been given a release date. Fans can mark their calendars for September 27.

Friday 4/13

latimes.com

- Tensions around the world rise as North Korea launched a long-range missile, defying international guidelines.

- Former child star Amanda Bynes joined the ranks of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan this week, when she pled guilty to a DUI in a California Court. No Amanda, not you too!

Sometimes I dig it when a guy looks rugged and dirty, like he just got home from a sweaty workout or an hour-long bedroom sesh. It’s sexy when a man looks like, well, a man. But then, there’s just something about a guy in a suit, a button-down vest, or a skinny tie and suspenders that’s just so suave. And if a guy can pull this look off without looking like a dweeb or a rich prick, it’s just fucking sexy. Matthew Fennelly, a junior film major from New Jersey, has perfected this “class with a casual effort,” to the t. But girls, before you start chasing him down, see what he has to say about his slick sense of style.

Q: What got you to start dressing like this every day?

A: I guess, subconsciously, it started with my dad. He’s very successful at his job so I assume that seeing him wear suits every day—always wearing ties and nice shirts for work—it got me to appreciate the habit.  Unfortunately, I didn’t take part in the act until later in life. Fast forward to sophomore year at Syracuse; I realized I had a lot of dressy clothes in my closet that I wasn’t taking advantage of. I started wearing one or two classy outfits a week and then it kind of just morphed into a daily habit.

What motivates you to dress so dapper all the time?

I think it’s funny because there is this expression: “You grow up to be your parents.” And though I always resented my dad for telling me to dress up when I was younger, I now really respect how he dresses.  I’m also motivated to dress dapper every day out of paranoia for who I might run into in my daily activities. I want to “dress to impress,” so to speak. I also dress like this to be the best version of myself because I think someone’s presentation of himself or herself is a key step in that process.

What are some positive and negative reactions people have had to your newfound sense of style?

I guess one of the positives would be that every time I wear a tie, people notice. And who wouldn’t want to be noticed for great style? I once was talking to a female friend of mine who turned to her boyfriend and said, “Why can’t you dress like that? Look how good he looks!” Now for the negative: The only thing that comes up from dressing like this is that when people ask me why I’m dressed up for a normal day, I usually don’t have a good reason except that I simply felt like it. I just respond with a “What can I say, I’m a classy motherfucker.”

Describe the outfit you feel most confident in:

I don’t have a specific outfit because I define my style as very sporadic.  But I usually like an outfit that makes me feel like I’m right out of the movies or someone I aspire to be.  It ties back to being a film major, I guess, with the glitz and glamour of Hollywood in my mind.

Where do you typically shop?

I typically shop at the Gap, J. Crew, Macy’s, Lord & Taylor, and Banana Republic.

Who are some of your style icons?

Some of my style icons are Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, The Beatles, Johnny Cash, and James Dean

There are probably a million different ways to twist up your sheets and mess up your hair and makeup. By the time you’re 20 you’ve, hopefully, tried and tested quite a few sex styles. However, there are some classic styles that everyone simply must engage in and these are my top six.

Make-up Sex

You know what they say: never go to bed mad at someone. Instead of drenching your pillowcases with tears of anger and sadness after a big fight, soak your sheets with the sweat of a fantastic forgiveness fuck. The adrenaline you both worked up from the passionate expression of your opinions will have your heart rate up and ready to release that energy in an even better way. So the next time you and your boyfriend are arguing because he made some backhanded comment about you washing dishes being “good practice for the future,” remember it’s better to bang it out in bed than to promptly turn and chuck said dishes at his face.

Might-Get-Caught Sex

You know that moment when you’re in the basement of Bird Library, studying for your Anatomy final and you look across the table at your partner and suddenly think of a million better ways to study Anatomy than reading a textbook? Sometimes sex just needs to happen and it doesn’t care what your latitude and longitude is, it just wants to play. So, make an adventure out of it and sneak into a dressing room if you’re at the mall or hit the emergency stop button in the elevator for a quickie. Go find your own little piece of heaven in whatever public restroom you please. The potential to get caught will heighten your excitement.

 Shower Sex

You’re fully naked, soaking wet (pun intended), and soaped up and slippery from head to toe. Need I say more? If you’ve only steamed up the bathroom mirrors by turning up the hot water, then you’re seriously missing out.

Marathon Sex

This one requires some serious stamina, a good chunk of time, and maybe a few protein bars. Everyone loves a good Law and Order: SVU marathon, but a sex marathon might take the cake. If you ever get a full day to spend with your sweetie, free of all school, work, or life-in-general obligations, spend it in bed together. But don’t buy into that whole catching up on your sleep will help relieve stress and be a nice break from your daily routine. Just go at it. For hours and hours. I promise, your stress levels will never be lower, your endorphins will never be higher, and you’ll sleep like a baby when all is said, come, and done.

 Rough Sex

Or animalistic sex, if you will, is the sex that is free of all inhibitions. It’s the hair-pulling, hands around your neck, scratches on your back, harder, harder, harder sex that will leave you and your partner sweaty, panting, and definitely smiling next to each other when it’s over. It’s the sex I imagine Jack and Rose were having in the back of that buggy during that infamous moment Rose’s sweaty hands streaked down the fogged-up window.

Sensual Sex/Making Love

Since you’re probably sore from your wild and rough sex adventure yesterday, let’s slow things down tonight. Sensual, close, or romantic sex is that chest-to-chest, kisses on the collarbone and neck, deeper, deeper, deeper sex that, not only feels amazing, but also actually has some real emotion attached to it. Usually reserved for those annoying love birds who always hold hands and never fight, sensual sex is definitely the most intimate of them all and can give way to a feeling of closeness and comfort. It’s the deep conversation of the sexual world.

collegelifestyles.org

By Lauryn Botterman

Summer internship season is nearly upon us. In a few short weeks, college students around the nation will be doing daily coffee and dry-cleaning runs for their higher-ups (while also gaining valuable job experience). Whether you’re starting your third internship of the semester or have yet to put together a resume, it’s always wise to stay on the up-and-up when it comes to career opportunities. Though entering the grown-up world of networking, professional attire, and long workdays may seem daunting, these tips can get you started on the path to success.

Use Resources Wisely

“Having a career office on campus, it just baffles me why every student doesn’t use it,” says Mike Cahill, director of Career Services at Syracuse University. Regardless of where you’re at in the job-search process, Career Services can guide you in the right direction. If you’re looking to have your resume reviewed, want to practice your interview skills, or just need some leads on employment opportunities in your field, the career office is your go-to spot. The staff there can also assist you in working on the logistics of obtaining proper credit and faculty advising for internships. Landing a job might seem confusing and overwhelming, but Cahill explains that utilizing the resources at Career Services will allow you to take a shortcut through that process. “If you can cull off a few mistakes along the way, it’s well worth it,” he says.

You don’t have to go it alone! Stop by the career office in Schine during drop-in hours to meet with a counselor and get your questions answered.

Learn How to Play the Game

The path to finding the right internship is a learning experience in itself. But don’t be discouraged: “There are always opportunities available,” says Cahill. It’s a matter of finding something that best matches your aptitudes and interests. Cahill finds that students are often too focused on raking up as many internships as possible instead of considering quality vs. quantity. “They don’t put enough thought into the groundwork of, ‘what would be the best internship for me that would progress me along in my career?’” he says.

So take it slow. Do your research before you dive into the frenzy of fledgling professionals eager to boost their resumes. And when you do find an opportunity, take advantage. Cahill advises students to define clear learning objectives with employers before starting any job. Interns must be proactive in ensuring that they get the most out of their experience. 

It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know

Networking is the magic word here. Even the best resumes won’t make it to the top of the pile if they don’t wind up in the right hands. Your professors are a great starting point for getting your foot in the door. They often have connections to industry insiders and may be able to send along references or recommendations. Make it a point to get to know professors in your major and seek out their advice.

Social media is now an indispensible tool for job hunters. Set up an account on the world’s largest professional network— LinkedIn—and start making connections with peers and employers in your anticipated career field. Also remember to adjust the privacy settings on your personal tweets and profile. You will be Googled, and you don’t want last weekend’s sloppy drunk pictures to ruin your chances of landing your dream job.

Explore Your Options 

If you’ve put off making your resume or haven’t been able to pull your shit together just yet, there are still other options. Cahill says that for underclassmen, a good old summer job at a local business or camp is still a fine alternative. Many students can’t afford to spend a whole summer working at an unpaid internship. In that case, Cahill suggests looking for an internship that requires attendance for only one or two days per week and then working a part-time job to save up some money.

Freshmen might also have trouble finding a summer internship, as many employers only hire students with at least sophomore standing. Cahill’s advice for first-year students is to “spend a summer doing the exploration process”—make connections with professionals and ask if job shadowing is an option. Offer to volunteer at company events and interview

employees about their responsibilities. “Doing these things can help you get a foundation together that can prepare you for an internship in the next year,” says Cahill.

For seniors who are still searching for a job after graduation, the key to success may be re-strategizing your approach. Cahill explains: “What you really need to do is to get a better understanding of ‘what is it that I have to offer in this job market? Where are the places out there in the job market where what I have to offer is most valued, could be best used, and what am I most interested in?’” Don’t get caught up in the minutiae of titles or company prestige. An entry-level job may not always be ideal or glamorous, but it’s an important step towards moving up the corporate ladder.

Cahill constantly reminds students that it’s crucial to maintain a positive outlook: “If you can learn how to manage the job-search process, you’ll really maximize your chances of getting something that is going to start you a little further down the road in your career development.”

ARIST OF THE YEAR: TY MARSHALL

Ty Marshal, the Tech Garden’s curator and first artist in residence (no, he doesn’t actually live there), has been busy exploring and creating art in Syracuse. He’s dabbled in a little bit of everything, most recently working on the Cardiff Giant, Salon: Strictly Local, and Patently Syracuse. Jerk and Marshal play a quick game of word association.

Artist: People not striving to be normal, but people striving to be themselves.

Syracuse: A vibrant city on the cusp of revitalization. A place of renaissance.

Revitalization: Making that which is old new again. Activating culture. Brightening spirits.

Pink Clouds: Objects, illustrations, sculptures. It’s a series that I used to focus myself and my art. For one year that’s all I did—pink cloud art. Even if I wanted to draw a flower, I didn’t. I just drew, or painted, or sculpted, or applied pink clouds to objects.

Cardiff Giant: A recreation of the greatest hoax in U.S. history. It’s Central New York’s very own monster. When I say that, I’m talking about Syracuse’s own Lock Ness or Roswell. We have a 10-foot tall stone man.

BUSINESS OWNER OF THE YEAR: JAN MALOFF

Jan Maloff, owner of Consuela’s West Side Taqueria and BBQ, opened shop in December to give Syracuse’s Westside a community gathering space which serves food germane to the cultures of the area. Consuela’s fuses Mexican, Cuban, and Puerto Rican cuisine to create a menu that will have your mouth watering. Jerk talks to head chef, Jamie Osorio, to get the inside scoop.

What’s something unique about Consuela’s?

Well, you can’t miss this place! It’s so brightly colored.

I know you’re the chef but—how’s the food?

You see people coming back again and again, which is a good thing. It means we’re cooking good.

Do you think that this type of place was a good fit for the West Side?

Around here, there was nothing. Everything used to be bars. Now, it’s great for the neighborhood to have this type of food.

WRITER OF THE YEAR: JEROME MARK ANTIL

Growing up in Cortland, N.Y., Jerome Mark Antil created memories that would become his daughter’s favorite bedtime stories, and eventually, the basis for his recently published novel, The Pompey Hollow Book Club.

What’s your novel about?

My book is about kids who were born in 1941, just as the war started, who became a little bit older and wiser than they should have.

What made you decide to donate a copy of your book to middle and high school libraries?

I want to get kids to write. I think that teachers often do it wrong. They teach reading and writing. They should teach storytelling! Saying “you’ve got to get the right periods and commas in there” is enough to scare anybody away from the whole concept of writing. The book is a whole bunch of stories that I wove together into a novel. I think the kids will like it.

STORY TELLER OF THE YEAR: STEVE PARKS

Steve Parks knows the power of the pen, especially when it comes to community activism. Working with the Gifford Street Community Press members Richard Vallejo, Isaac Rothwell, Mother Earth, Susan Hamilton, Gary Bonaparte, and fellow professors in the writing and rhetoric program, Parks empowers Syracuse’s Westside with publications like Home: Journeys to the Westside. Here, Parks shares his motivations for joining up with the community press.

I thought I understood what the Westside was going through because it harkened back to what I experienced growing up. I grew up in Pittsburgh when the steel mills were closing, and I saw communities flat-out struggling. So I had a great affinity for them. And that coupled with the writing program resources, enabled me to become involved in projects that helped the community rearticulate its future. Community publishing is one tactic that members can use to ensure that their voices are heard, and that their rights are realized.

EDITORS OF THE YEAR: CHRISTIONA HAWKINS AND CORINNE HALPERN

Founder Christiona Hawkins tells Jerk about local literary magazine MESH.

I never thought that MESH (Merging Expression and Scholarships through High Schools) would become what it is now. In summer 2009, I had a dream to create a magazine at SU that would benefit the community. After three semesters of planning and rearranging, it evolved into a program that connects Syracuse University students to local high school and middle school students through a magazine and weekly poetry workshops.

One of the students with us since day one is coeditor Corinne Halpern. I don’t remember how we encountered each other; I just know that the result was greatness! Without the input of Corinne, other graphic designers, public relations gurus, fantastic literature reviewers, and passionate workshoppers, neither our first issue nor the workshop program ever would have happened

PROGRAM OF THE YEAR: UPSTATE

Upstate is a TV show that depicts the life of an upstate New Yorker. Jerk discusses Upstate with its writer Tom Seeley.

On writing Upstate: I’ve written a lot of half hour shows. It’s just a matter of sitting down, figuring out the story you want to tell. Sit with the characters long enough, you get to know them. Hopefully, they’ll tell you the story, and you don’t have to.

On the Upstate New Yorker: The Upstate New Yorker is a guy who grew up in Syracuse, in Eastwood. This is his town. He loves it. He’s not about to move to North Carolina or Florida to get a job down there. He’s worked at a factory that all of a sudden announced that the jobs are moving overseas, and he and 1,200 other people are out of work. What do you do? I didn’t have that answer. I thought, “This is an interesting dilemma. How can I make it funny?” Upstate is a comedy for the 99 percent.

PHILANTHROPIST OF THE YEAR: HELENE KAHN

Syracuse University’s first-ever philanthropy class donated $5,000 to Vera House thanks to help from Helene Kahn, an SU alumna who established the class to teach students the importance of philanthropy while providing the skills for community development. Jerk spent some time letting Kahn finish our sentences.

Philanthropy means leadership through giving. You give your time, talent, or treasure, and you hope others will follow in your footsteps.

Sometimes it’s almost easier to raise money than it is to give it away. If I had $5,000 to give away to any cause, I’d give it to an educational organization like Say Yes, Room to Read, Literacy Corps, or Teach for America.

The foundation of our world is education. The focus on transforming our world needs to start with the education of our children.

The best thing you can give is your devotion.

HERO OF THE YEAR: ADRIAN JONES

Adrian Jones had no idea that grabbing a ride from his friend Landice Reddish in January would bring him city-wide recognition. While Reddish stopped at her house to make a phone call, Jones was waiting in the car with Reddish’s three children when a man in a hooded sweatshirt approached the car. Call it instinct or fat, but Jones immediately crouched down and shielded 3-year-old Adorable Reddish, just as bullets flew through a window. Though he himself took bullets to the chest and neck, Jones survived and lived to say he saved a life.

ENVIRONMENTALIST OF THE YEAR: FRANK CETERA

As co-founder and board president of the Alchemical Nursery, a local non-profit dedicated to environmental sustainability and permaculture, Frank Cetera spearheaded the creation of a community snack garden on the South Side, which the USDA named a “food desert”. In this as-told-to, Jerk gets the dirt on Cetera’s from his partner-in-tree-hugging and girlfriend of more than two years, Ursula Rozum.

Frank sees nothing and wants to make it something. He wants to change the planet—as corny as that sounds. He wants to make the city more ecologically-diverse and resilient. That’s why we both hate naked lawns. There are so many different kinds of plants that can grow on a lawn, but people instead want ecological deserts in front of their houses. It’s creepy. So when Magda [Bayoumi] told me about the under-used land next to the Rahma Free Health Clinic, I introduced her to Frank. I totally take creditfor the snack garden.

REVITALIZER OF THE YEAR: BEN SIO

Ben Sio works tirelessly to revitalize Syracuse and its surrounding communities. As director of Sustainable Infrastructure & Policy Development at Centerstate CEO (Corporation for Economic Opportunity) and manager at the urban development organization 40 Below, this Skaneateles native spends each day making his hometown a better place to live.

The goal of 40 Below is to connect, empower, and engage young professionals and students with the community. Getting young people involved in projects helps make our community a better place, and they’ll hopefully become more interested in the community and want to stay here. It’s about connecting young people’s energy to engaging opportunity in the community, and by doing so they can find jobs, a place to live. I even know five or six people who have found their husbands and wives through the program.

I want Syracuse to become the easiest and most recognizable place for young people to move to, and do whatever they want to do.

verysmartbrothas.com

By Julia Fuino

Have you ever heard someone say, “My ex cheated on me” and thought, “I wonder what he or she did exactly?” Whether or not it is a person’s intention to cheat on the one they claim to love, it seems like the word “cheat” can be thrown around for the most innocent of things, like texting someone else, or even casual flirting.

Cheating, as defined by Webster’s Dictionary, means “to violate rules and regulations of a relationship” or “to be sexually unfaithful.” Being sexually unfaithful is a pretty straightforward indicator of cheating, but “rules and regulations” can be a huge gray area in most relationships. This likely varies from couple to couple, or even from the perspectives of men and women.

Out of the 20 students I surveyed—12 female and eight male—75 percent felt that women throw the word “cheat” around more than men. The majority of women said that men and women could just be friends but men, however, felt differently, saying that such a relationship couldn’t exist. When it came to defining “cheating”, many women said that anything sneaky like grinding while dancing, hanging out alone, exchanging numbers, or any sexual act, were the first things they thought of. Men’s answers were much narrower, with anything physical or even spending more time with someone other than their partner considered to be cheating.

Kyrie Kirn, like most responders to my survey, agreed that men and women think of cheating differently. “I definitely think guys and girls have different definitions of cheating. I think girls are more likely to say “talking” to someone else, or anything involving emotions is cheating; whereas, guys will think that cheating has to just be something physical,” she said.

Of the two male students I spoke to, both talked about how they barely see romantic couples on campus and, thus, wondered, “How could a person cheat without being in a relationship?”

If you’re a student at SU, you’re probably aware of how small the population of romantic couples is. It seems these days that students have done away with the old method of courtship and chivalry and instead are choosing to cut straight to the chase, even if that means the act is meaningless. It’s almost second nature to have a casual relationship instead of a romantic one.

Carol Faulkner, professor of the History of American Sexuality, agrees that students these days are much more casual with their sex lives than students in the past. “Today, I do think that college students are much more casual, maybe even experimental, about dating and sexuality. In this environment, I think it is harder to say what constitutes cheating. How can you cheat if you are not ‘going steady’ with someone?” she said. “But I don’t think the ‘hook up’ culture is necessarily bad. In part, it shows that women don’t feel social pressure to have a steady boyfriend and, perhaps, don’t feel their reputations are harmed by casually dating or hooking up with different men.”

My question is: Does the ‘hook-up culture’ affect our perceptions of what cheating is once we do get into a relationship, regardless of whether we’re male or female?

SU is full of people who are career-oriented and driven first and foremost by landing their dream jobs and settling first for themselves, rather than having to follow a partner. And there’s nothing wrong with that! In fact, it’s liberating. But with just these goals in mind, it’s easy to get caught up in flings and casual hook ups in college, which makes the lines of cheating even blurrier once a person does eventually find themselves in a relationship.

It’s important to know your own definition of cheating and to properly define the rules and regulations of the relationship you choose to have with someone. Know where you draw the line and where you don’t. The last thing you want to do is have that gray area you never talked about get you caught in a sticky situation.

Sheer blouses have been popular for the past couple of years, but like Kelly, I have noticed that this season has seen an influx of them. Stores in Europe, such as Marks & Spencer, H&M, and Topshop, have been carrying large amounts of these types of stylish shirts. And who can blame them? Sheer blouses are a great staple to have in anyone’s spring or summer wardrobe. With the warmer months approaching, comfort and style are essential for all us fashionistas out there.

The great thing about sheer shirts is that they are lightweight, repel sweat, and come in a variety of different colors as well as patterns. Plus, they are versatile and can be worn with either jeans, trousers, skirts or leggings. Don’t feel comfortable wearing a sheer shirt alone? Try wearing a cute lacy camisole underneath or, if you’re feeling adventurous, add some spunk with a funky bandeau top. Sheer shirts can also be used as a cover up for the beach over a cute bikini. Whatever you decide to wear your sheer shirt or blouses with, just know that you will be able to mix and match with ease.

topshop.com

American Apparel

Forever 21

Art students are quirky to say the least. They typically have very unique personalities,and, more noticeably, rather unique fashion senses. You can find painting students wearing nothing but sweats as they slave over their canvases for hours at a time, simply not giving a rat’s ass about their personal appearance, while theater students wear what seems to be the result of a flea market binge.

But if you look at all of the somewhat questionable fashion choices amongst art students, you can find people who are some of the most fashionable kids at Syracuse. And it’s not because of the money they have to spend on an expensive, fashion-forward wardrobe, but rather because they own their sense of style, they embrace what they have, and make fashion fun at the same time. Maggie Reilly, a junior photography major from New Jersey, owns her style—an effortlessly cool vibe mixed with a little bit of “I don’t give a fuck.”

Q: How do you define your sense of style?

A: I’m not really sure how to define my style. Some days I can look moderately girly, but other days my friends say that I dress like a boy. I was considered a “scenester” in high school, but even then I had a unique twist to my style. I could never afford that high-end hipster bullshit from Urban Outfitters or American Apparel. I like to be comfortable, so I can care less where I find clothing. I also just like to stand out in small ways, whether it’s with my bullet belt, my octopus necklace, or my double nostril nose piercings. I don’t put much thought in my style, which is why I think it works so well. I have four-hour long classes (sometimes twice a day), I never go above and beyond with my fashion choices. Less is more. Simple as that.

What do you feel most comfortable in?

Hoodies are definitely what I feel most comfortable in, but the mocs and socks combo is truly where it’s at. I haven’t had my socks match since I starting doing my own laundry in seventh grade. My laziness kind of formed the mismatched socks into an important part of my personal style.

What do you wear when you’re slaving over your projects?

Whatever is already damaged. I wear the same ol’ torn up jeans with ink stains all over them whenever I’m in the ComArt Building. I swear the people there think I only own one pair of pants—as if they care (laughs). I figured if I ruined one pair, then they’d be my go-to bottoms, especially if I am working on something that could get messy. I am not a very neat person at all, so mess is inevitable. I cannot count the amount of T-shirts I have ruined thanks to being careless with printmaking ink and photo fixer.

What’s the quirkiest thing you’ve ever worn?

Well just last week when the weather was beyond amazing, I was playing corn-hole on FIJI’s front lawn wearing my giraffe print underwear. They’re booty shorts, so I wasn’t really sluttin’ it up in any way (laughs). But the quirkiest thing? I’d say the suspenders I’ve been wearing make me look pretty quirky. People probably think I look like a toolbag, but, honestly, I need them to keep my ass crack out of everyone’s view every time I bend over in the studio. I’ve tried belts but they don’t help as much as suspenders. I love the nerd style, man. It looks good and there’s a solid function, which is always a plus!

Tell us about your hair…

In high school I had extremely short hair, almost like a pixie cut. I dyed it black and added a new neon color every month. Because of the constant bleaching and dying process, my hair began to get super damaged. I didn’t touch it for a while and decided to let my natural auburn hair color grow back in, which I’m really not that psyched about. This semester I have been super overwhelmed with academic and personal responsibilities. I was exhausted from not having everything go my way, so I decided to take charge of something. One night I just stopped doing work and put bleach on random chunks of hair. The next night I dyed the chunks purple. My goal wasn’t to seek attention with the bright color, but to make a slight change in order for me to feel in control again. My mom always told my dad when he grunted about my hair color, “It’s just hair. It grows. It gets cut.” It is just hair, so I am already itchin’ to dye it another color. I may resist, though.

What inspires your style?

Honestly, I’m an artist—everything inspires me. I’m not exactly sure what specifically inspires my personal style, though. There’s so much that I pick up or create for myself. So I guess my personality inspires my style; I don’t know. I am a part of so many things. My style is a big pile of Jersey-nerd-artist-BAMF-hipster-stoner bullshit. I just wear what I want; I don’t really care.

You might recognize her as the girl with funky hair, tattoos, and buttons who works in the art supply section at the SU Bookstore, but Larissa Deyneka has much more to offer than her unique sense of style. Deyneka talks to JERK about her unfounded dislike for actor Shia Labeouf and tells us what’s on the top of her bucket list.

1.    Name, Age, Occupation.

Larissa Christina Deyneka, I’ll admit, I’m 35 and I work for the Syracuse University bookstore.

2.    How long have you been working at the bookstore?

Close to 10 years.

3.    Has anything super exciting ever happened in the bookstore?

Not particularly within the bookstore. The bookstore is pretty much a self-contained little unit of family measure kind of thing so, for the most part, we’re pretty much on the same page. But on campus definitely! If it’s not one thing, it’s another and today is the zombie chase so that’s pretty exciting.

4.    In one sentence, what do you do all day?

I sell art supplies and give an awful lot of advice. I’m the answer girl, and that’s generally what I do all day.

5.    Can you tell us a little about your change of hair color and what inspires it?

Well, I’m a natural blonde. I think that from high school to college I was a red head, like a real red head. I went shock red like Columbia from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then I bleached it all out just a couple of months ago, strangely enough, so I’ve been red for quite a few years. I started changing and putting the colors in after I went to London one time. I got my hair done and essentially the hair dresser just put a little shock of pink and it was all over from there.

6.    What’s something people don’t know about you?

My life is pretty much an open book. I feel like I wear tattoos, and crazy hair colors, and T-shirts from bands and I have buttons everywhere so everyone kind of knows that, but something that they don’t know about me? I wanted to marry French Stewart from 3^rd Rock from the Sun when I was younger. He’s an obsession of mine.

7.    What is at the top of your bucket list?



Oh, I have the best answer ever for this. But, for me, my bucket list is more like a “things I would do if I knew this was my last day on Earth” almost,(laughs), Or at least that’s how I treat it, which is not the right answer, but I want to be wearing a desiccated wedding dress with a gold lame sash that says “Spinster for Life,” and I want to jump off the Empire State building while screaming, “I regret nothing!” or, perhaps, “Somebody feed my cats!” A girl’s got to have options.

8.    If you could be reincarnated as someone dead or alive, who would it be and why?

From the past I feel like women had it hard, so there’s a lot of things I don’t want to relive per say with that stuff, but if you could be reincarnated into Dorothy Parker’s wit, perhaps, that would be kind of amazing. But for like a day if I wanted to be someone, I’d go with David Bowie. He’s still the thin, white dude for me and he’s still kind of like a God. Him or Mick Jagger! I’m not sure.

9.    If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy?

The first thing I would do is pay off my debt, my friends’ debt, my parent’s debt, and everything after that would be buying a place somewhere outside of the country. I’m not sure where, but I’m feeling Italy right now.

10. Worst pet peeve?

I hate it when I’m watching a commercial and someone doesn’t take a real bite out of the food they’re trying to sell me. It’s a simple, small detail but it bugs me. It’s like, “Who are you fooling? You’re not fooling me!”

11. What celebrity would you love to punch in the face?


Oh God, Shia Labeouf. I can’t stand him. Have you ever had an irrational hatred for someone? You just look at them and think, “I really just hate your face.” I really just can’t stand him, so that’s my answer.

syracusesocial.com

Basketball season may be over, but come next year, coordinating chants won’t require pieces of paper being flaunted around the student section.

Doug Crescenzi, a Ph.D. student in the School of Information Studies, has created Crowd Rouser, an app that synchronizes chants. The screen displays a countdown to the chant as well as when each syllable should be yelled.

Last year in Washington DC, Crescenzi was training for a marathon. With a lot of time to think during the run, the idea for Crowd Rouser swept into his mind. “When I would go for other runs I kept thinking about it. But I never talked to anybody about it. I was scared. I thought everyone would think it was a dumb idea,” he said.

In August 2011 Matt Smith, an environmental engineer and friend of Crescenzi’s, decided he wanted to get into mobile development when Crescenzi told him about an idea he’d been playing around with. “We just sat there and didn’t get around to it until Christmas time. We came to realize well, ‘shit this might actually be a good idea’,” Crescenzi said.

Between schoolwork and trying to start a company, Crescenzi realized he had too much on his plate and decided to take a semester off from school to focus on developing Crowd Rouser. “It was kind of scary thinking I might let people down. It was a sense of ‘Am I crazy? Am I really doing this?’ Making that initial decision was really hard,” he said.

When the first Syracuse home football game comes around, Crescenzi is hoping for a polished product. “I think that first home football game is really going to be the time see whether this thing really works or not.”

Each smartphone with the app, within the designated radius, will vibrate when a chant is coming. Right now fans are unable to make the chants, but Crescenzi said feedback on chants is welcome because he doesn’t want the athletic department controlling the chants.

“I’d rather students fuel it as opposed to the athletic department telling me what chants to facilitate. Cause then it’s boring. Then it’s the same thing as the stupid cheerleaders.”

The first version of the app should be ready within the next few weeks, but because the app is not as appealing without a sporting event, Crescenzi plans on holding Skype demos to explain what else the app can do.

In the future, Crescenzi said Crowd Rouser will have a more social aspect. People will be able to log into their account and make chants, then other people can vote for which one they like best. The highest voted chants are the ones that will get yelled during the game. Students will even be able to compete with other schools to see who pulls off the best chant.

“When you’re a sports fan, everyone is so determined to prove they are the better fan. I had friends at Penn State; we’d go back and forth when we were undergrads. ‘Penn State is garbage. Syracuse is garbage.’ And we talked about the atmosphere of the games,” Crescenzi said. “What if you could videotape badass chants you pull off at games and share it online?”

With Crowd Rouser Crescenzi is determined to create a creative environment where fans can battle with chants. “I’m thrilled at how much I’m learning. It’s crazy. I’m nervous that the thing will tank and no one will want it. But that is something I can live with. The gains I’ve made from learning in the last couple of months totally outweigh massive colossal failure.”

droid-life.com

By Drew Muller

Once a photo has been snapped, the process of capturing an image of beauty doesn’t stop there. It must be doctored until reality merges with dreams, color becomes a relative term and everyone—and I mean everyone—becomes an artist. Welcome, my friends, to Instagram.

But Instagram needs no introduction. Since its launch in Apple’s App store in October 2010, the free photo sharing application has been wildly successful, eclipsing one million registered users by December and reaching 150 million by August 2011. It’s obvious people can’t resist the appeal of applying a digital filter to the pictures they take on their smart phones and sharing them with the world on all of the major social media platforms, including Instagram’s own.

Until recently, though, those without an iPhone were forced to wait in the wings, relegated to taking pictures with their high-caliber smart phone cameras, and alas, not being able to make them into hopelessly cliché pieces of self-promotion. Instagram was previously available for the iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch running iOS 3.1.2 or above, but the app no longer discriminates and has hopped over to Android camera phones. It can be found in Google Play, and according to Complex.com, it took less than 24 hours for one million users to sign up.

This begs the question what other apps are hindering their success by limiting themselves to Apple products? Snobby iPhone users may not appreciate the arrival of Instagram for Android, but they still have some exclusive apps to brag about.

Flipboard: Originally designed in 2010 solely for the iPad, this newsreader app made its way to the iPhone last year. The app collects the content of social media and other websites and displays it in a magazine format so users can “flip” through their various feeds in a centralized location. It’s a great tool for social media addicts who now no longer have to peruse through different platforms.

Pinterest: After we all stopped going to summer camp when we were 13, who knew making collages would be the latest and greatest trend? That’s essentially the appeal of Pinterest, the photo-sharing website that allows users to “pin” photos, videos and links to their own virtual bulletin board of favorite things. It can be accessed via the Web, but for now the mobile app is only available for the iPhone.

Jetpack Joyride: Android users finally got their hands on the extremely popular Temple Run game, but they’re unable to waste even more time with Jetpack Joyride. Players zoom through a laboratory, collecting coins and avoiding obstacles, and before they know it five and a half hours have passed. Oops.

designcollector.net

By Shea Garner

I remember flipping through the pages of The Berenstain Bears as a child (RIP Stan and Jan) and physically admiring the pairing of art and word on each page. Today, even the most juvenile works of art can be viewed on a tablet device. In a world where everything has gone digital, nothing holds sacred like the pen and paper. Illustrators, painters, and sketchers alike have stood by and watched the work of authors and journalists slowly make its way to the iPad and Kindle. Now, with the debut of the new iPad app “Paper,” it looks like their world is changing too.

 FiftyThree, a development company that works on digital drawing programs for various tablet devices, has recently released this free app to near universal praise. The gorgeous interface, paired with the new iPad’s retina display, allows the user to create various sketchbooks, easels, and canvases as platforms for their digital work. Flipping through your work is simple and stylish, and quick tapping, swiping, and pinching gestures allow for easy navigation throughout the application.

Paper provides you with a pen as your initial drawing tool, but pencils, markers, and paintbrushes cost an additional $1.99. For what it’s worth, the fact that Paper is even partially free is a benefit to iPad owners everywhere. So whether you are a beginner just sketching for fun or an advanced artist using watercolors to replicate a mural in Schaffer, Paper makes it sleek and simple.

But where does this leave us in a digital world? Would Jack’s pencil sketch of Rose’s wild ginger mane and ample breasts have been nearly as romantic if sketched on the lovely iPad? The answer is no. Just like the old-fashioned authors who stick to their typewriters and journals for their first draft, the true artist will stick to the canvas for their proudest work. However, there is no denying that Paper will make for some good fun on the average Otto’s iPad.

2006-Present

Cause of Death: Urban Outfitters

Illustration by Jack McGowan

By Lenah Hassaballah

America’s stereotype of Muslims is clear:
scary looking Arab terrorists who walk
around screaming “Allah” in every other
sentence. And oh yeah, they may blow
something up at any given moment. If you
believe that, this one’s for you.
Before we go any further, let’s first
address the elephant in the room—
terrorism. Thanks to 9/11, Americans most
closely associate this term with turbanedmen on airplanes, a prejudice that has opened the door for unfair stereotyping here at home. Muslims really are Americans, but sadly, many closed-minded people see them solely as an unwanted threat.
Back in 2003, the New York Police
Department began showing a film called
“The Third Jihad’’ to its officers in training.
The film conveys only the threat of “radical Islam.” But with its suspenseful music and image of the Muslim brotherhood flag flapping dramatically in front of the White House, the piece argues that all Muslims want to take over the U.S. with their “terrorist” religion.

Propaganda like “The Third Jihad” only further complicates acceptance for post-9/11 Muslim Americans. Author Mustafa Bayoumi writes of this in his 2008 novel How Does It Feel to Be a Problem?: Being Young and Arab in America. In one particularly jarring section, Bayoumi tells of the NYPD dragging a Syrian family out of their New York City home in the middle of the night because of their suspected involvement in terrorist activity. Did I mention the family included three young children? Ultimately, the suspicions proved false, based on nothing more than an inaccurate hunch, possibly formed with “The Third Jihad” in mind.

Let’s remember—America is home to many Muslim Americans, and they interact with this country just like every other citizen. They bust their asses out work, get degrees, and, at the end of the day, put food on the
table. So, think carefully before you jump to conclusions about someone of another ethnicity or faith, because believe me, you
do not want to feel the wrath of an angry Muslim wife or mother—that’s the worst terror of them all.

MEMBERS: Tucker Dhalke: bass, vocals; Phil Grajko: guitar, vocals; Josh Williams: drums, vocals

ACTIVE SINCE: 2008

SOUND: Bongo-heavy acoustic reggae, and never without a catchy rhythm. Joy Telepathy Project is all about the good vibes.

usatoday.com

Sunday 4/1

- The world’s largest-ever lottery jackpot had three lucky winners and a million mega losers after the numbers were announced. The three winners each earned about $230 million of the original $640 million mega-jackpot.

- Penny for your thoughts, eh? Canadian Finance Minister Jim Flaherty announced that the country will scrap the penny as part of its official currency.

Monday 4/2

cnn.com

- The apple of our eye: Ashton Kutcher has signed on to play computer icon Steve Jobs in a new biopic about the former Apple CEO and Co-Founder’s life.

- First Lady Michelle Obama rolled up to Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Awards in black leather pants, promptly landing her on the list of fashion Don’ts. Fashion faux pas at the Kid’s Choice Awards – there’s really no coming back from that…

nydailynews.com

Tuesday 4/3

- Everyone’s favorite baby-daddy Levi Johnston has gotten another girl pregnant out of wedlock. The wannabe model says he is “very excited” to start a family…again.

- Speaking of the Palin’s, former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin has signed on to join the team of “The Today Show,” pitting Palin vs. long-time pal Katie Couric in the ratings. Grab your popcorn – this is gonna be good!

Wednesday 4/4

bing.com

- In news you really don’t need to know: actress Emily Blunt confessed that she has a phobia of shaving her pubic hair, claiming the very sight of it brings her to tears. We can’t tell if she’s serious or not…

- He’s the fantasy of every woman in America, but Ryan Gosling turned out to be a real-life superhero when he saved a woman from being hit by traffic in New York City. Conclusion: walk into oncoming traffic if you want a celebrity to notice you?

justjared.com

Thursday 4/5

- A waitress in Minnesota had her $12,000 tip promptly confiscated by police who claimed it was drug money. The waitress filed a lawsuit against the state, claiming that she received the tip for her “outstanding services.”

- Bad boy Kanye West dropped a new single, Theraflu, in which he professed his love for Kim Kardashian. The two are now rumored to be dating and we can’t help but roll our eyes.

Friday 4/6

pcmag.com

- UK’s Sky News formally admitted to hacking into the emails of public citizens on two occasions. Calling the hacking “justified and in the public interest,” the news giant stood by its actions. Everyone likes a rebel…

- Here’s the kicker, folks: One of those lucky three mega millions winners told reporters that she “misplaced” her golden ticket sometime over the course of the week. Talk about a bad day…

telefonica.com

One day they’re your favorite person. The next, you can’t stand them. On and off relationships are common, but exhausting. Your Facebook friends can’t handle your constantly changing relationship status. Your roommates can’t handle your nonstop bitching. You feel that at any moment you may crack from the stress over the uncertainty of your relationship.

Truth is, if it didn’t work out for round two, round three won’t be any different. People involved in the vicious make up/break up cycle are never happy, no matter how good the make up sex is time after time.

Cosmopolitan Magazine recently reported on a study that shows conflict in a relationship usually remains constant over time. If you argue a lot now, there’s good chance you will still be arguing later. A couple needs good chemistry, and even if you’ve dated for six months, a year, or three years, you may never find it. Your clash of personalities won’t simply disappear over time.

“I was in an on and off relationship, and after a while we just gave up because the fighting never stopped,” said Chris Sarling, a freshman in the Whitman School of Management and the School of Information Studies.

Once a couple breaks up once or twice, the relationship is not the same anymore. You may first feel excitement upon reuniting, but the same problems will quickly resurface. People say, “I’ll change,” but anyone who has been involved in this cycle knows change is just a fantasy.

In addition, it’s not so easy to erase the hurtful things that were said or the revenge enacted after the last breakup. He likely won’t forget when you hacked into his Facebook and changed his info to “interested in men,” and she definitely won’t get over that girl you brought back from the bar last Tuesday. Issues from the last break up will likely get brought back into the next phase of the relationship, and squabbling just isn’t sexy.

It’s amazing how quickly people forgive their exes after being so furious at them just days earlier. It’s hard to keep your dignity intact when you spend weeks on end talking shit about your guy for dumping you in a text, cheating on you, etc., and then you run back into his arms soon after. Honestly, it’s pathetic, but I’m not blaming you. We’ve all fallen victim to the draw of comfort and familiarity in our exes. I understand, and I want to help you.

First, realize you’re stuck in a rut, restricting yourself from actual happiness with a potential new person. It’s time to respect yourself and acknowledge you deserve better. “When it gets to the point you are more upset than you are happy, you should reevaluate the relationship and probably end it,” said Nicole Battafarano, a sophomore magazine journalism major. “It’s not good for you overall.”

The best way to get out of the on and off relationship cycle is to make a clean break. Realize you cannot revert to being “friends” immediately; you need some time apart. Cut off communication, quit your Facebook stalking, and please, resist the booty call from him or her in the weeks following the breakup. After some time, you can hopefully see this person as just a friend, not your immediate back-up plan.

It may be tough, but remember that there is a reason they are your ex, after all. It is up to you to step off this emotional roller coaster and start spending your precious time and energy on better things and better people. Like Jay-Z says, “On to the next one.”

Useless Landscape or a Guide for Boys   |   By D.A. Powell

About two centuries ago, a writer from New York City visited a banker in a cold, mucky town full of drunks and taverns. He traveled 60 miles by boat up a crude, water-filled ditch. The boat docked at Hanover Square, or as some called it, “Hangover Square.” The writer stepped off the boat, into the mud, and looked around at the tree stumps and shacks that surrounded him.

“You call this a village?” the writer asked the banker. “It would make an owl weep to fly over it.”

“Never mind,” said the banker. “You will live to see it a city yet.”

Twenty years later the writer returned to that village, now officially named Syracuse, by way of the Erie Canal. He stepped off the boat and onto the paved street, and gawked in every direction at the “splendid hotels, rows of massive buildings, and the lofty spires of churches glittering in the sun,” he later wrote. “A city it now is…thronged with people full of life and activity.

This transformation came from the banker, Joshua Forman, who pushed for the Erie Canal, the lifeblood of central New York. As a result, Hanover Square and the city that encompassed it thrived and expanded for decades.

So what the hell happened to Syracuse? Hanover Square is no longer the point of entry; those behemoths of architectural prowess that once greeted visitors arriving on the canal now shiver in the shade beside two elevated highways. In some places, whole expanses of cracked sidewalk lay neglected—artifacts of an age when people got up and walked. Gray parking garages pepper the city like a toddler’s carelessly dropped rocks. If all the downtown parking spots were laid side by side, they would comprise an area equivalent to 40 percent of downtown itself. When you ask a historian like Dennis Connors of the Onondaga Historical Association where Syracuse is going, you get the story of where it’s been. Which is fine. If history repeats itself, then a history lesson is the next best thing to a crystal ball. In Connors’ office hangs a poster of an early 20th century building, with a tagline that reads, “Syracuse: The 21st Century City”—an illustration of how Syracuse’s past informs it. Connors is optimistic about the future. He believes people are realizing the organic urban atmosphere that occurred in the 19th century before cars and highways—is the most natural and logical way for a city to function. When the automobile became popular, especially in the late 1920s, it was an unsuspected poison that city-dwellers and developers embraced. The largest public works project in American history, the Federal-Aid Highway Act of 1956, helped create 46,876 miles of interstate highways. That’s the same distance as almost 14 coast-to-coast journeys. Ostensibly, these highways were built to connect cities to cities—which they did. However, that boon came with a bane. Highways also made the suburbs outside cities more accessible. Suddenly that suburban house with a driveway on an acre square of grass was not so out of reach. With that, people left the city. The Highway Act was a national phenomenon: four-lane highways crawled across America like hundreds of black worms. City populations plummeted, and suburbs at city edges flourished. From a vulture’s perspective, the American city must have resembled a carcass: people flocked to it in the morning, sucked what they needed, and deserted it at sundown.

Today, Syracuse looks and feels like its recovering from a bad breakup—which isn’t far from the truth. Katelyn Wright, the Syracuse land use planner, tells a crowd at a neighborhood meeting that the automobile isn’t going to run this city’s life anymore. It conjures an image of a divorcee at a day spa, pledging to have more “me time.” Connors is glad for the upsurge of young people like Wright in the current city administration. Where Connors, the historian, speaks a chronological language, full of backstory and reason, Wright, the beady-eyed planner, speaks a rambling tongue devoid of punctuation—no time for pauses. But for all her focus on the future, Wright keeps an ear attuned to the past.

Within the past year, Wright and her gang at the Planning & Sustainability Department helped write the Land Use and Development Plan, which lays out the development strategy for coming decades. New zoning regulations urge new development projects to follow historic patterns. Wright says that development patterns from the past were more sustainable, and reinforced the character of neighborhoods. Some of the plan’s bullet points for downtown include protecting historic buildings, encouraging “designs that create visual interest,” and wrapping the ground floor of parking garages in retail or office uses. It’s unclear what is meant by “designs that create visual interest”—but if it means an end to the coldhearted, block-style architecture that dominated the 20th century, it couldn’t have come a moment too soon.

Nothing killed visual interest like modernism, and the influx of architects like Walter Gropius and Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, who emigrated to America from Europe just before World War II. These architects hailed from Germany’s Bauhaus design school, which taught rationalismand functionalism. The results were boring, gaunt, boxy structures thrust on the public as high art. Why such a minimalist, barren style was so eagerly embraced by a capitalist country like the U.S. continues to baffle experts. This anorexic aesthetic duped cities across the nation, including Syracuse. Driving through downtown, you see its influence in the secure Post-Standard building at Clinton Square, or, a slingshot fling west of that, the concrete filingcabinet that is the Federal Building. So, next time you’re driving through Syracuse and you see a flat sided building with hard, unforgiving edges and hardly any windows (there are more than a few of these hanging around)—just think of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, cigar twixt lips, saying the phrase he’s most well-known for: “Less is more.”

One cannot have a conversation about urban design today, especially the kind that values old, 19th century design values, without mentioning newurbanism, a movement advocating pedestrian-friendly, community-driven neighborhoods. For George Curry, the ESF landscape architecture professor, the “new” in new urbanism is misleading. He’s always correcting himself when saying it: “New urb—well, old urbanism…it’s not new. It’s an old prototype on new land, that’s all.” In the 1980s Curry, along with his partner Robert Doucette, revamped Armory Square according to new urbanist principles. Unlike the modernist concrete slabs that often clashed with the more classically designed edifices around them, Center Armory, the long strip of connected buildings between West Jefferson and Walton Streets, blended with the historic buildings around it. The space was originally a parking lot. When the city asked what the two planned to do about parking, the two basically said, “not much.” The message was: if you want a car friendly experience, go to the mall. If you want to sit outside and have a drink, come to Armory Square.

Syracusans, for the most part, are familiar with this story. If you ask an out-of-towner, though, he probably won’t know about the development in Armory Square, or the city’s efforts to improve its infrastructure or beautify storefronts. What the out-oftowner will likely know about, is Destiny USA, the 2.4 million square foot shopping mall that will swallow up an additional 120 acres in the coming years. Destiny’s PR guys blow some hot air about the project’s many wonderful windfalls—like its capacity for increasing tourism, and its innovative green energy (the new flooring is made of crushed walnut shells and cork). But those most familiar with the fine-tuning of Syracuse urban design will tell you that Destiny USA is capitalism’s tumor. It shows how attached the city remains to its cars. Furthermore, Destiny has an exclusivity clause which prevents stores from opening up downtown locations, and thats certainly not doing the city any favors. While downtown moves toward a more pedestrian-oriented schema, Destiny USA is a vestige of the minivan mindset that’s strangled downtown for decades: a giant leap in the wrong direction.

Despite Destiny, there’s hope for the city’s fate. Forward-thinking developers like Doucette, the father of Armory Square, remain a strong influence in Syracuse’s development. Doucette has traveled the world, taking notes on what works and what doesn’t. He loves Istanbul. The name alone causes him to sit forward in his chair. Istanbul works, he says, not because it has developers or grants from the city, but because of its people. Lots of them. “When you get that many people into a small space, they make a city happen,” Doucette says. It’s ironic to hear a developer, whose job depends on strategy, praise a city for its lack of strategy. On the other hand, it’s easy to see how this emphasis on density plays into Doucette’s vision for Syracuse. A significant portion of his projects is mixed-use apartment buildings. If there’s an overarching strategy to Doucette’s work, it seems to be bringing people back to the city and re-densifying Syracuse to the point where it won’t need him—or any developer—anymore.

In 1825, moments after a cannon blast heralded the completion of the Erie Canal, governor DeWitt Clinton congratulated a crowd of thousands on what he considered the greatest work of the age. The canal, he said, was the result of the “voluntary efforts of free men.” Because people, when left to their own devices, will naturally build great things. In this way, a city is like an undeveloped roll of film. It doesn’t benefit from too much poking and prodding, but rather the right ingredients. Add light and certain chemicals to paper, and you’ll have a photograph. Add people to a plot of land, and you’ll have a city. The development happens on its own. The more developers who understand that, the more beautiful Syracuse will be.

MODELS: LEAH DAVIES, ALLIE CURTIS