hercampus.com

By Julia Fuino

What happens when you’re dating someone who is graduating in a week? It was much different in high school; there wasn’t as much uncertainty as there is after college. You either went to school together or you didn’t. But when you’re in college and have been dating someone long enough, things can move pretty quickly. Some couples even get married soon after college. Scary isn’t it?

A lot of different things are going through your head as graduation approaches: Where is he or she going to end up? Are we even going to continue this? How much will this change things? I can’t sit here and tell you what’s going to happen because I don’t know your relationship, and I won’t pretend to. But, here is some advice and insight from people going through similar situations.

Steve Jones, a graduating senior is dating another senior. Both are headed in different directions, he to California and she to New York. “I’m willing to make it work. We talk about it a lot since she got the job offer in the city. I want her to be happy but I can’t lie it’s not going to be easy,” Jones said. “I’ll be in school and she’ll be working, and the time difference—it’s just going to be hard. Our schedules won’t match up all the time, but we’ve talked about a future together for a while now. We can make it work.”

It’s good to have a plan if you know you’re headed toward something more serious than a college relationship. My best advice here is to make sure your relationship is “off-campus.” On campus, your time is either spent in class, studying, out with friends, napping, or spending time with each other. It can be a lot easier having a relationship with someone when they’re less than two minutes away and live the same campus lifestyle. But, what happens when you nix the campus vibe? If you don’t think that person will fit into what you see yourself eventually doing with your life, chances are, it’s not going to work out. Keep that in mind.

Krystina O’Connor, a junior, has had a senior hook-up all year. She says they aren’t exclusive but there may be a chance for a future together. “Well, we’ve talked about it. We just decided that we’re going to focus on ourselves and continue this non-exclusivity until something happens—if it happens,” O’Conner said. “We went in with no expectations. It was just a hook up. For me, at least, it became something more, but I’m not expecting anything to change. He’s moving away and I’ll be here.”

It’s hard to have expectations when you’re just casually hooking up with someone. Sometimes you go into it thinking it’s a one-time deal, but sometimes you want to keep it going. The one thing you shouldn’t do in this situation, however, is kid yourself. If you want more, tell them you want more. What’s the worst that could happen? Newsflash: they’re graduating. If they felt the same way, they’d make the time. If not, they move on, you move on, and no awkward run-ins will ensue because you’ll be in two different places.

While you should keep in mind the obvious, don’t avoid a relationship with them just because you’re afraid of what’s going to happen after he or she graduates. I know I’m the first to say, “Nicholas Sparks needs to tell his vagina to stop writing books,” but I’ll also say this: BE OPEN TO LOVE. Don’t be closed off for reasons that are out of your control because you never know what could happen!

Finals are in full swing! Take a study break and catch up on the highlights for this week:

msnbc.com

Sunday 4/29

- If you’re watching the first round of the NBA Playoffs this weekend, take a good look at the jerseys because their current design may be a thing of the past. The NBA is considering putting advertisements on individual player’s jerseys.

- And you think your mom is bad? A mother took to Facebook this week to publically embarrass her daughter for mouthing off to her. Take a look…

Monday 4/30

ajc.com

- Got a case of the muchies? A new eatery in Oregon has begun infusing their food with marijuana extract. Dig in!

- Scientists have begun developing supercomputer technology to power automobile engines, leading to a 40 percent decrease in carbon emissions.

csmonitor.com

Tuesday 5/1

- Keep your eyes pointed skyward this weekend to catch a glimpse of the “Supermoon.” Astronomers say it will be the largest moon in years.

- In your irrelevant news for the week: Nadya “Octomom” Suleman has filed for bankruptcy and says she is now willing to do porn. Porn companies have reportedly offered her a multi-million dollar contract.

Wednesday 5/2

z6mag.com

- Your weird news for the week: A NJ mother has been arrested and charged with child endangerment after allowing her 5 year-old daughter to use a stand-up tanning booth. The child allegedly suffered severe burns.

- Harvard and MIT have announced a joint collaboration to offer free online courses to anyone around the world. The project, termed edX, will be available to anyone with a viable Internet connection.

nation.com

Thursday 5/3

- Marking the one-year anniversary of his death, the CIA released the private correspondence of Osama bin Laden. The trove of over 6,000 documents shows the weak al-Qaeda leader struggling to maintain control while in hiding.

- In health news this week, a new study reveals that eating Omega-3 fatty acids may reduce your risk of developing Alzheimer’s Disease.

Friday 5/4

wham.com

- May the Fourth be with you: Hold on to those light sabers, kids! Today marks International Star Wars Day. Nerds of the world, unite!

- PepsiCo announced that Michael Jackson will adorn the sides of Pepsi cans for a limited time. The King of Pop’s image will be a part of the company’s “Live for it Now” campaign, which will take a look back at the icons of the future.

As another semester comes to pass, you might be stressing less about your nutrition final and more about the status of your sex life over the summer. For many, summer means heading to nothing but a hometown full of exes, exes’ friends, and all the random high school hook-ups you shared with your friends. Sounds like a land bare of banging, to me. Have no fear because I have compiled a bucket list of sorts to keep you in tip-top sexual shape until you head back to your regular raunchy ways on campus in the fall.

 1. Find the perfect summer sex spot.

Unless you have Regina George’s parents, it’s unlikely that your folks will be down with you getting down at all hours of the night (or day) in the bedroom they used to change your diapers in. This is of the utmost importance. Whether it be your car or a cheap motel that doesn’t have STDs crawling in the sheets, you need a designated place of pleasure.

 2. Find a fuck buddy.

I don’t know how small your hometown is, but hopefully there is some sort of bar or club scene that might hold your potential summer sex partner. Grab some friends and head out on the prowl for a potential summer hook up. It’s nice to have some consistency and it’s even nicer to have someone to satisfy you when you’re not out fulfilling the rest of this list. Besides, you’re going to need the practice finding hook ups for when you’re back in the frats.

3. Turn nostalgia nasty.

No matter where you’re from, you, in all likelihood, know your city or town from top to bottom. So, you know those few special spots that hold your dearest memories of the place you were born and raised. Pick your favorite one and turn memories to moans. High school football field? Old hilltop looking over the city? The place you found out your ex was cheating on you? Pick your longitude and latitude and get to memory making.

 4. Buy a sex toy.

Or a subscription to an awesome porn site. Dry spells exist on campus and off campus and sometimes you gotta fend for your horny self. Besides, the best investments are those that can be reused and never stop giving us satisfaction and you can bring it back to school!

 5. Go to a strip club.

Even if your town doesn’t have a bar scene, it most definitely has a skeevy strip club somewhere within its limits. If you’ve never been, get some friends and go. I’m not advocating for touching anyone dancing for you or drinking anything handed to you, but I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll have a good time and some great stories for the morning.

6. The Short List: A quick list of things that should be on everyone’s sexual bucket list.

- Public sex

- Get tied up/tie someone up

- Gain membership to the Mile-high club

- Sex on the beach

- Sex with someone from another country

- Threesome!

- Role play

- Learn to give yourself an orgasm

You’ll have plenty of time to think of new tasks and challenges to add (and cross off) your own personal sex bucket list while you’re sitting around doing nothing at your lame internship or old job. Don’t worry, just because the semester is closing doesn’t mean your legs have to!

 Some cultural staples will never go out of style: the little black dress, reruns of  “Friends,” a good cup of coffee…

Other trends, on the other hand, seriously make me worried for the well being of our generation. I propose that we reevaluate a few of our recent obsessions. Let’s cut the bullshit and carve a legacy we can be proud of when we fade into the irrelevance of adulthood. Here are just a few suggestions for trends that need the boot, ASAP.

Dubstep

rupor.sampo.ru

This year the average American spent 57 percent of his life waiting for the bass to drop. Sad, yet true. Dubstep was fun for a hot minute—but now it’s time to move on.  Let’s all take a break from aggressively grinding to realize that remixing popular songs with trippy artificial tones added does not always equal good. There’s a reason Avicii sounds exponentially better when you’re intoxicated. We’ll be better off when we turn the volume down on the Dubstep phenomenon. Appreciate the fleeting joy it brought us, and let it go. Please.

YOLO

Drake was right when he said that you only live once, but I’m sure he didn’t consider the antics that one song lyric would spawn. He has inadvertently managed to incite a whole new level of stupidity among today’s youth. YOLO is like a knockoff version of  “carpe diem,” except infinitely more obnoxious. It’s time to banish this slogan and resume living with some sense of class and responsibility for our actions. The only acceptable usages of the term are in deliberately ironic or sarcastic contexts. It does not suffice as a legitimate excuse for your reckless, dumb, or offensive behavior.

Excessive Tweeting/Status Updating

Social media is both a blessing and a curse. You can stalk your friends, crushes, and even celebrities to your heart’s content. But you also have to sift through endless masses of idiocy every time you log on. The things people choose to publicize are truly baffling. I could give two shits that you’re about to take a #nap. And did you really just upload an Instagramed picture of your smoothie? Remind me why I should care. More importantly, how the hell did it get 14 likes? This is not your diary; this is a platform for sharing relevant or reasonably amusing information. I’m often torn between being simultaneously annoyed and entertained by the sheer absurdity of certain people’s posts. But when it comes down to it, if your tweets or status updates are not up to par, you risk being cut from my networks. #sorrynotsorry.

Saggy Pants

Really boys, just pull your pants up. You might enjoy the sight of girls’ asses in yoga pants, but I can assure you that the sight of your behind in a pair of plaid boxers is not a turn on. Get a belt, suspenders, or pants that actually fit you—whatever you need to do to keep your derriere fully covered at all times. Sorry to ruin the “Thug Life” look you’re trying to channel, but this is for your own benefit.

ohinternet.com

The Duck Face

Not sure how or why squinting your eyes shut and pouting your lips in a bizarre duck-like fashion suddenly became considered an attractive pose for pictures. Who actually makes that face in real life? This unfortunate trend may rival the awkwardly angled MySpace bathroom mirror pic craze circa 2006. Girls, whatever it is you think you’re doing in those photos, it’s neither cute nor classy. Cut it out.

]]> http://www.jerkmagazine.net/columns/ps-qs/trends-we-should-abandon-now.html/feed 0 http://www.jerkmagazine.net/columns/single/when-is-enough-actually-enough.html http://www.jerkmagazine.net/columns/single/when-is-enough-actually-enough.html#comments Thu, 03 May 2012 18:13:23 +0000 jerkmag http://www.jerkmagazine.net/?p=10445

relationshipsadvice.cc

By Laura Cohen

After the honeymoon phase at the beginning of any relationship, you will probably realize your significant other is not as perfect as you once thought. We all have our flaws, but there’s a fine line between what’s acceptable and what’s just not.

I’m not talking about when to stay or go based on your safety, self-respect, morals, etc. You heard about that in high school health class. I’m talking about the sticky situations, the tough spots, when you just aren’t sure whether it’s worth it or not.

Situation: They get really into the game. Every Sunday.

Solution: “It’s best to just deal with the yelling, screaming, and complete focus that happens whenever a big game is on,” Zack Molle, a freshman broadcast and digital journal major said. “I’m a big sports fan, and during those games, I’m not going to respond to pretty much anyone, so it’s not just the one girl. But it’s the same thing as when a girl is watching crap television like Jersey Shore and she’s sucked into that and doesn’t respond.” If you can’t respect each other’s interests, you probably don’t respect each other.

Situation: They’re attached to their phone, constantly texting, calling, and tweeting.

Solution: Your partner may not even realize how annoying their behavior is. It’s best to just address the problem, according to Nick Hancock, a sophomore biology and forensic science major. “I think mentioning it can help solve the issue by letting the person know it annoys me and makes me feel like she doesn’t want to hang out with me,” Hancock said. If the problem persists, it’s time to say TTYL.

Situation: Your styles of clothing are so different people can’t even grasp that you’re together.

Solution: “I might suggest other clothes for certain events, like you shouldn’t wear ripped clothing to a formal event,” Sandeep Fourkanti, a senior biology major, said. “But if I’m dating a girl, I obviously like her, so I wouldn’t change her.” Hopefully you’ll both spend more time out of those clothes anyway.

Situation: He or she likes to drink…A lot.

Solution: Everyone likes to have a good time, but if their drunken antics make you uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to make a change. “If I made my ex-boyfriend quit smoking after he used to smoke seven times a day, anyone can stop their partner from excessive drinking,” Beth Zarpentine, a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences, said. “You have to make them see that if they don’t give up on their drug, you’ll give up on them.”

Situation: They’re pretty much an asshole to strangers.

Solution: Dating someone who’s straight up rude to waiters, salespeople, and their peers is just embarrassing. No one wants to be associated with a bad attitude. “Disrespect for anyone should be a dating red flag,” Tara Brenner, a junior math and biochemistry major, said. It’s worth talking to your partner about, but if it’s an ingrained behavior, it’s best to say peace out.

Situation: They are obsessed with their image.

Solution: Whether it’s constantly applying makeup or hitting the gym three times a day, it’s exhausting to date someone so focused on his or her appearance. “It’s very annoying when it takes someone so long to get ready because they need to look perfect,” Justin Castro, a junior electrical engineering major, said. “It shows they’re not confident.” If they seem more in love with themselves than you, abandon ship.

Situation: It takes them forever to return your calls, with no excuse.

Solution: This is just plain shady. “You should have a reason, or else you’re just being disrespectful,” Sean McFadd, a freshman psychology major, said. “If someone is avoiding their partner like that, it just proves they aren’t committed.” If it happens more than twice, it’s time to walk away. You’re not a doormat.

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Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group

By Ashley Collman

Smart phones, tablets, Facebook, and Twitter forever altered the way we think and live. Now, simple pleasures like losing yourself in a book’s narrative poses a challenge. Our minds are everywhere at once—crafting the next status update while making mental notes to Google something. We can’t unplug.

Hari Kunzru’s disparate novel, Gods Without Men, reflects the untethered mind as each chapter explores moments in different characters’ lives between 1775 and 2009.They aren’t flashbacks, but separate storylines tied together by a common setting—a three-pronged rock in the Mojave Desert calledThe Pinnacles.

The main storyline takes place in 2008, when a wealthy New York City couple’s autistic son goes missing on a family trip to the desert. He miraculously reappears, but he’s changed.

The other narratives also chart strange occurrences at The Pinnacles: a World War II veteran with a guilty conscience goes to the desert in 1947 to atone, and instead starts a cult to communicate with aliens; a 1920s anthropologist starts a witch-hunt out of jealousy, resulting in the death of a native man; and hippies corral around the site in the 1970s, sparking conflict with the locals. Each of these vignettes features a character changing from the divine interaction in the desert.

While the modernist construction of Gods Without Men is good in theory, it’s not the easiest to read.The constant change of perspective, and the heavy page-count (nearly 400) make it challenging to stay engaged.Yet if you can summon the mental focus, the story makes it worth persevering to the end.

If you fancy contemporary British novelists like Kunzru, put on a spot of tea and curl up to one of these books.

Thief of Time | Terry Pratchett

Thief of Time mixes satire and sci-fi. Most of the action happens on Discworld, a flat planet floating through space on the back of a giant turtle.

Brick Lane | Monica Ali

Brick Lane follows an 18-year-old Bangladeshi woman in London who marries a pompous man twice her age with corns on his feet and a love of Shakespeare.

Bullfighting | Roddy Doyle

Doyle is witty, an atheist, and Irish. The stories throughout this collection reflect his cynical take on life. “Middle age,” Doyle writes in his story “The Slave,” is “death becoming something real.”

“This two-watt infrared laser is 1,000 times more powerful than your typical laser-pointer. What happens is the laser light comes out here, and goes through all this fancy stuff to stabilize the light. Then that beam goes through these pipes.” “We're putting a big mirror and a small mirror in here. We'll use the light reflecting between these mirrors to trap the little mirror which will basically reduce motion to almost nothing.” This research will advance the technology in the detectors in Louisiana and Washington

By Lauren Tousignant : Photos by Deanna Smith

Duncan Brown wants to answer the human race’s most thought-provoking questions.

”Everybody wants to know: ‘Where do we come from?’ and ‘Where are we going?,’ which is why physics and astronomy exist,” says Brown, an associate physics professor at Syracuse University. That knowledge could lie in the Laser Interferometer Gravitational- Wave Observatory, a groundbreaking endeavor. Brown likens the science to the idea that humankind has, until now, been walking around with earplugs in. He says the detection of gravitational waves will help explain some of the most complex aspects of the universe, from black holes to the Big Bang theory.

Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (Livingston, Louisiana) “This observatory and its counterpart in Hanford, Washington, have a 4-foot diameter pipe in the shape of an L, with each arm extending 2.5 miles. Imagine a cork in the middle of a pond that will bob up and down if someone were to throw a rock onto the surface. LIGO is the cork, whose technology aims to detect the ripples, which are the gravitational waves.”

University Data Center “Forty computers in each rack, and each computer has a 12-core GPU in it—a graphics processing card you might use for video- gaming—that’ll give you fast rendering and really realistic graphics. We’ve taken these cheap consumer GPU graphic cards and repurposed them to do gravitational wave calculation. As well as using this to do gravitational research, it’s also computing research to design next generation computers.”

shutterstock.com

Though it may come as a shock to some, America is not the only country in the world. Our position as the top dog is diminishing more every day, and with superpowers like China and the European Union hot on our tail, we have a lot to feel threatened by.

But what is it about America that makes the rest of the world cast a collective stank eye in our general direction? After talking with several international students, I’ve compiled what I believe to be the Top 10 Reasons Why the World Hates America:

#10: We Don’t Clean Up Our Own Messes.

We have this nasty habit of committing to mediate armed conflicts, and then end up pulling out faster than a drunk frat boy. It’s hard to stick to your guns when they’re in the hands of terrorists.

#9: We Have Nukes, But Don’t Allow You To.

Big Brother is always watching. As the self-appointed international nuke wrangler, the US has cracked down on potential nuclear threats by being a benevolent bully. It’s our way, or the highway.

#8: We Pollute.

Each year, U.S. factories spew three million tons of toxic chemicals into the air, land, and water. Like most other things, we tend to think that being green is sexy in theory, but not practice.

#7: Toby Keith

To quote this gun-toting, beer-chugging country icon:

“The U.S. of A–Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass, It`s the American way!”

#6: We Eat. A lot.

It’s a fact: 36 percent of Americans are considered obese. We are seemingly unable to use proper portion control, electing instead for the chocolate fountain at Golden Coral. Case and point: http://thisiswhyyourefat.tumblr.com/

#5: We Failed Geography.

We seem to care very little about what is beyond our own borders. Did you know that 70% percent of Americans can’t find Iraq on a world map?

#4: We Elected George W. Bush. Twice.

Because obviously the first four years weren’t enough. The former leader of the free world did a pretty good job at making the rest of us look like buffoons. It’s hard to come back from that one…

#3: Jersey Shore.

When Snooki and Co. took their drunken Guido antics to Italy for the show’s third season, any hope of redemption was gone faster than “The Situation’s” career. The lesson we taught the rest of the world: become a drunken asshole –> get pregnant–> be famous.

#2: American Beer

American beer has become something of a novelty to the rest of the world. German brewmeisters have lovingly termed American beer “cat piss.”  It’s not enough that we drink it in the first place, but the fact that we turn our noses up to the other beers of the world makes us look like party-rocking wannabes.

#1: People of Walmart

This speaks for itself. Just take a look at this site and try not to lose your faith in humanity.

Check out BITCH’s article Ugly Americans for opinions of SU Abroad students.

According to the MormonNewsroom.org, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) is the fourth largest religious body in the United States. By November 6, the LDS Church may very well see one of its own—Mitt Romney—become president. In Syracuse alone, there are nearly 2,500 who identify as Mormon. JERK talks to Marc Clay, Syracuse stake president for the LDS Church, about Mormon culture in Syracuse, some core Mormon beliefs, and Big Love.

JM: For the record, what’s your name and occupation?

MC: “Marc Clay and I’m an Original Equipment Manufacturer (OEM) account executive for BARCO; it’s a medical hardware company. That’s what I do for a living, but in my spare time I’m the stake president for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

How long have you been practicing Mormonism?

“I was baptized in 1978, May 26 of 1978.”

Do you have an idea of how many students at SU and SUNY ESF identify as Mormon?

“There are just a handful at the moment, fewer than we’ve seen in past years. I think that’s more an effect of the economy. Part of the answer is those who identify; I really can’t tell you how many have ever checked Latter-day Saints on their application. I’m aware of just a couple that are undergrad and there’s probably eight to 10 that are in graduate school—probably a similar number that are doing medical residencies in medical school.”

What is Mormon culture like here at SU?

“The LDS students attend service on Sunday at a chapel on Colvin Street, so it’s not far from campus. It’s a young single adult congregation. There are about 40-50 young single adults there, all of them between the ages of 18 and 30. On Monday nights there’s a family home evening at that chapel, which is a short spiritual lesson and activities of some sort—so some social time together. Lastly, on Tuesday nights there’s an institute class and that’s held typically at the Colvin Street building, and that’s for college-age students—single and married—from all around the area. I think there’s typically around 15 students there.”

Does Hendricks Chapel offer any LDS services?

“Not that I’m aware. We have an LDS Student Association on campus; Devon Harris is the president. There are four adult leaders that are attached to that student association; one of them works on campus and the others are associated with local congregations or the institute program.

What is the background of the LDSSA?

“It’s an effort to be organized on campus from a religious standpoint. It enables students to have some say and some input into programs and activities and participate in activities connected with Hendricks Chapel. It allows us also to help solicit the support from students on campus for some projects or local activities that the church might be directing—by activities I mean giving to the community. Last year we went down to the Matthew 25 Farm and helped harvest some crops, pulled weeds, and just good things. The Matthew 25 Farm raises food for local needy families.”

Is there a large population of Mormons in the Syracuse area?

“Yes, inside the boundaries of the Syracuse stake there are eight congregations in the area: Cortland, Auburn, Liverpool, Fulton, Fayetteville, Pulaski, and two of them in Syracuse. There’s about 2,500 Latter-day Saints in those eight congregations.”

To your knowledge, are there any classes taught here at SU on Mormonism?

“It is my understanding that only recently there is a class on the Book of Mormon. I believe it’s taught by a non-Mormon.”

Because Palmyra (the birthplace of Mormonism) is so close to Syracuse, do many students and Syracuse residents make the pilgrimage to Palmyra?

“I think that a number of Syracuse students and local members go to Palmyra primarily for three things: To visit the historical sites that are there; to attend the Hill Cumorah Pageant, which is a large outdoor pageant held in July every year; and then some local members would go to attend the temple in Palmyra.”

When people think of Mormonism, many think of places like Utah and Idaho. Is there a difference between East Coast Mormons and those who live out West?

“No, not really. You would find that if you went to one of our services—and you’re more than welcome to—in the Syracuse chapel on Colvin Street, the family ward, the family congregation, or the student congregation and then went to a service in Provo, UT; Boise, ID; Salt Lake City, UT; or Los Angeles a very similar structure to the meetings.”

Do you think shows like Big Love and Sister Wives present an accurate representation of most Mormons?

“You know, I’ve never seen the shows. But, the church outlawed polygamy 122 years ago and, of the 14.5 million members of the church today, there’s not a one of them that is practicing polygamy. If any kind of that is found, they are removed from the church; their membership is taken away. So we do view it as a serious issue, but I’ve never seen the shows.”

To put the polygamist stereotype to rest, what are some of the LDS Church’s core beliefs?

“We believe that Jesus Christ is the savior of the world and the son of our loving Heavenly Father. We believe that His atonement was necessary and allows mankind to be saved from our sins and we turn to live with God. And we believe that Christ’s original church, as described in the New Testament, has been restored in modern times.”

What are some of the differences between Mormonism and Christian religions?

“I think that we all have a belief in our savior Jesus Christ; I think that we all are striving to be the best people that we can, to be disciples of Christ; I think that we all are striving to make our communities better places to live and to care for the poor and the needy. There are some subtle differences in how we view the Godhead and some other aspects of our faiths, but I think there are a lot of similarities too and a lot of common good in the things we’re trying to do. We do believe in modern revelations, that through prayer we talk to God and through the Holy Spirit, oftentimes in a subtle, quiet way, He provides answers and guidance to us in our lives. We have the head of the church—a prophet and 12 apostles—and we believe that our Heavenly Father guides and directs that prophet in modern times, as He has with other prophets talked about in the Old and New Testaments for many years.”

Are there any students that follow Warren Jeffs’ Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

“No, not that I’m aware of.”

One of the unanswered questions from our SMUT feature on Mormonism is ‘what attracts people to believe?’ Why do you believe?

“I think that, fundamentally, each of us has to come to a point where we get down on our knees and we study and we research on our own and ask our Heavenly Father ‘what’s the right thing to do, where’s the right place to go, what’s the direction for me in a spiritual sense in my life?’ For me, I went through that process in my mid-20s, and some years ago that answer came unmistakably to me that the Mormon Church was the right place for me. I would encourage people, before they form an opinion on Mormonism, to come and visit one of our chapels on a Sunday. The doors are always open; people are always welcome.”

Check out the SMUT feature here.

By Lauren Tousignant | Photos by Deanna Smith
Duncan Brown wants to answer the human race’s most thought-provoking questions.

”Everybody wants to know: ‘Where do we come from?’ and ‘Where are we going?,’ which is why physics and astronomy exist,” says Brown, an associate physics professor at Syracuse University. That knowledge could lie in the Laser Interferometer Gravitational- Wave Observatory, a groundbreaking endeavor. Brown likens the science to the idea that humankind has, until now, been walking around with earplugs in. He says the detection of gravitational waves will help explain some of the most complex aspects of the universe, from black holes to the Big Bang theory.

Two-Watt Infrared Laser -- “This two-watt infrared laser is 1,000 times more powerful than your typical laser-pointer. What happens is the laser light comes out here, and goes through all this fancy stuff to stabilize the light. Then that beam goes through these pipes.”

University Data Center -- “Forty computers in each rack, and each computer has a 12-core GPU in it—a graphics processing card you might use for video- gaming—that’ll give you fast rendering and really realistic graphics. We’ve taken these cheap consumer GPU graphic cards and repurposed them to do gravitational wave calculation. As well as using this to do gravitational research, it’s also computing research to design next generation computers.”

Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory (Livingston, Louisiana) -- “This observatory and its counterpart in Hanford, Washington, have a 4-foot diameter pipe in the shape of an L, with each arm extending 2.5 miles. Imagine a cork in the middle of a pond that will bob up and down if someone were to throw a rock onto the surface. LIGO is the cork, whose technology aims to detect the ripples, which are the gravitational waves.”

Decisions by Claire Stankus

“Decisions, a self-portrait I made during my junior year, was the start of my exploration of memory. My work revolves around how memory is perceived and recorded, by using superimposed photographs to construct personal moments in time. Blurs and smudges imply motion while the stillness of the figure indicates a slow pace.” —Claire Stankus

Showcase your work in Framed. Email art@jerkmagazine.net

Illustration by Dan Blaushild

By Katrina Tulloch

Meet Andrea The Groomer. She kept you on the road for those three extra minutes you needed to grab coffee before your 8 a.m. class. After perfecting her ponytail at the stop sign, she applied her blush and bronzer at the bus stop. Even though the light turned green 10 seconds ago, she’s still lining her eyes; she’s clearly a high-class individual whose precise cat-eye is more important than the dude she’s about to hit.

Alongside grooming, the Department of Transportation says using a cell phone, operating a navigation system, eating and drinking, reading maps, watching videos, and changing music all count as bona fide examples of distracted driving. But New York State laws only target the use of handheld devices. The Syracuse Police Department can pull people over for “outlandish” or “reckless” driving, but that doesn’t deter the Andreas and other multi-taskers from becoming a threat on the roads.

Granted, texting does deserve the heat. Onondaga County has the eighth highest amount of phone-related driving violations out of the state’s 57 counties (excluding New York City). In 2011, the SPD issued 1,785 traffic violations for talking on the phone and 237 violations for texting behind the wheel, according to Capt. Shannon Trice.

But cops should take it  a step further. In Maine, the law explicitly states ticketable examples of distracted driving, like texting, then says the law is not limited to these instances. How clever. If a Maine cop saw Andrea The Groomer holding up traffic to apply her lip gloss, he could ticket her before she crumpled her mouth into a shiny pout.

Maine introduced this bill after a state trooper caught a driver watching Gilmore Girls on her laptop. If some chick hit me while doing that, I’d have a lawyer on the phone quicker than Luke could tell Lorelai to stop drinking so much coffee. There’s a time and place for post-WB nostalgia, and it’s in bed at 2 a.m. with white cheddar popcorn and months-old Girl Scout cookies.

New York needs a similar catch-all law for distracted driving. Maybe then, automobilists will weigh the pros and cons of driving while doublefisting burgers. You can’t always drive with Jedi focus, but you can put down the mascara wand long enough to park.

TOP TRACK: “BEACH SLUT”
BOTTOM TRACK: “PROBLEM CHILD”

The Australian band’s debut album is the perfect fix for our lo-fi obsession. “Beach Slut” starts off like a drunken lullaby from your dream punk boyfriend—think Darby Crash of The Germs. With songs like “Girls Can Do Anything,” and lyrics about scumbags getting drunk in the park (“Problem Child”), I can’t help but want to tend to the limbs of the Bleeding Knees Club. Bringing back the gritty punk that Wavves lost on the path to selling out, BKC is the new flavor of the year.

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TOP TRACK: ”TAKE ME AWAY”
BOTTOM TRACK: ”SAMBO JOE FROM THE RAINBOW”

As a self-proclaimed “outsider artist,” Willis Earl Beal enjoys freedom from mainstream expectation —which he takes full advantage of in Acousmatic Sorcery. In ten tracks, Beal tries everything from pastoral balladry (“Evening’s Kiss”) to gospel chanting (“Take Me Away”) to beat poetry (“Ghost Robot”). The album is simple yet emotionally raw; Beal howls angrily one moment and strums a nepenenoyka lap harp the next. Through Beal’s brusque, powerful vocalizations, Acousmatic Sorcery could bring you to spiritual awakening. Otherwise, it’ll make you long for a Southern summer night—cicadas and all.

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idea.syr.edu

Michele Palotta worked at Harrods, a department store in London, while abroad last year. The upscale classy store required women to work in high heels and cover up exposed tattoos. Palotta worked in the rug department, which required her to lift all day. Refusing to conform to company policy, Palotta said she wore flats so she could perform her job. The problem: She also has a visible tattoo on her foot..

This experience sparked the idea for her design company’s name, Flat Shoes Tattoos. “I don’t want to call it creative rebellion against the company’s standards, but more so going with our own grain as opposed to theirs,” Palotta said

Palotta works with Katie Malatesta, also a senior interior design major, and the two plan to stay in Syracuse for the Entrepreneurship Engagement Fellowship. The fellowship allows them to take a few classes and have a mentor to help with their company.

“We were always bouncing ideas off each other about starting a business where we were doing all kinds of nontraditional design work in different outlets,” Malatesta said.

Their first project started out as a T-shirt design for the Near Westside Initiative, which then morphed into a branding and marketing strategy for the initiative, ending in a coloring book for the kids. “They do so many fantastic things for that neighborhood and promoting the small business within the neighborhood, so we get to affect multiple people at once,” Malatesta said.

When they come back in the summer for the fellowship, they will begin serious talks with a restaurant on Montgomery Street. Palotta and Malatesta said the project will start with rebranding, but because they have interior design skills the relationship can continue beyond traditional graphics work. “It is really about making those relationships with our clients,” Palotta said.

However, despite various design skills, the girls say they lack the business knowledge that is required for a successful company. Figuring out pricing has become one of the biggest humps they’ve had to deal with.

“It is really hard to put a number amount on something that you’re so passionate about because we do it because we love it, not because we want to make money off of it,” Palotta said. “Which is why we are staying another year, too, to have a lot of help with that and take more business classes.”

“We want our work to be assessable. We like to compare it to the big design firm that might not feel you can afford as a small business,” Malatesta said.

Sure, lots of sororities have appointed girls to work hard at designing their dozens of shirts and letters to be fashionable, so to speak, but no matter their efforts, you can never get away from those frumpy tees that just do nothing for your wardrobe. Even if you’re not in a sorority, I’m sure you’ve accumulated dozens of Syracuse class of whatever and college of wherever tees that you leave piled in your bottom drawer. And, up until now, you had no purpose of pulling them out—ever. But after seeing Erin Bauwens, a sophomore Pre-Law major and Alpha Xi Delta sister, around campus and at the gym, I realized you can turn something that typically looks mundane into something that’s pretty damn cute.

(From class to the gym!)

Q: How would you describe your style?

A: Really casual and comfortable. I don’t like to spend too much time figuring out my outfit in the mornings, especially for early classes, so I just throw on whatever matches and won’t annoy me during a long class.

What’s your favorite cut up shirt?

My favorite cut up shirt is probably a white one I made for a highlighter party my freshman year. The back was tied a certain way so strips were cut out and my neon bra was able to be seen through it, which looked really cool in the black lights at the party. That type of cut/tie actually took longer than most of the shirts I cut up and it looked a lot more intricate, so its definitely one of my favorites.

What’s the easiest way to cut up a shirt for newbies?

Just sort of go with it: different cuts look different on each person because of different body types. Test out a bunch of different cuts to see what works best for you, and there’s no particular pattern to really follow. I like wider and off-the-shoulder necklines; whereas, others might prefer just a deep V-Neck.

Some Fun Tutorials if you’re feeling adventurous:

Front Weave

Cutting Up the Back of Your Shirt

Cutting Up the Sleeves

Cutting Diamond Sides

Creating a Backless Top

PHOTOGRAPHER: ALYSSA GREENBERG

HAIR STYLIST: KATHERINE VAN BRUNT | MAKE-UP ARTIST: JESSICA WOLFE

FEATURING CONTESTANTS FROM JERK’S NEXT TOP MODEL AND OUR WINNERS:

GILL MAHER

CHRISTINA MELORA

Rein in the summer with tribal prints and safari- inspired styles to bring out your carnal tendencies.

Story by Jillian D’Onfro | Photos by Brandon Weight

Bill Dee, an East Syracuse resident, receives a oneness blessing from Pamela Kramer. These blessings are a form of energy transfer, where the blesser helps another reach higher states of consciousness. Through the blessing, individuals are inclined to feel joy stemming from an awakened awareness of their higher self, according to Kramer.

The main room of Greystone Castle hummed with a peculiar energy. The 14th Annual Canastota Spring Psychic Fair drew a diverse crowd from all over Central New York: healers, mediums, psychics, animal whisperers, believers, skeptics, and the simply curious. This year, a record 14 mystics came to offer their services to the public, promising to soothe troublesome aches, reveal hidden paths, or communicate with people who’ve passed on—for a price. The people who paid the initial $7 entrance fee clearly believe more than others, but for every individual staring deeply into the eyes of a scarved woman reading tarot cards, another picked up brochures skeptically, or pored over psychic-made scrapbooks with expressions suggesting they weren’t quite swayed. By alluding to deep self-realization or a chance to envision the future, for around $45 for fifteen minutes, the mediums tempted that insistent “perhaps” wriggling deep within us all.

Betsy Rengert, owner of the closed Seven Rays Bookstore, purchases David Bennett’s book using a mobile payment system on his iPad. Bennet, who’s married to psychic medium Cindy Griffith, wrote Voyage of Purpose about his multiple near-death experiences and resultant spiritual awakening.

Two women clutch L-rods, one of several types of dowsing tools. Meant to magnify a body's intuitive response, the rods sway in one direction or another to signify a "yes" or "no" answer to a dowser's carefully worded question.

Anne Dougherty generally performs two different kinds of readings: past, present, and future or head, heart, and soul. Dougherty also welcomes any questions her customers may have.

Dougherty begins a tarot card reading for Angel, a Canastota, N.Y. resident. Tarot readings are, according to Anne, a two-way form of interaction with one's higher self. Each card has a meaning, and it is the medium's job to help interpret them for the client.

Angel preferred not to give her last name. Dougherty said that people wishing anonymity is common at psychic fairs. There is still a stigma associated with receiving readings, she said, and some women and men keep their readings a secret from spouses, colleagues, and employers.

Illustration by Jack McGowan

By Chris Ballard

Last summer, Molotov cocktails shattered storefronts and, in turn, the future of London youth seeking employment. What’s to become of those bearing the brunt of every arsonist and looter from the London riots? That’s the million-pound question. While employers in Europe are skeptical to hire any 18- to 20-something, those who didn’t set homes ablaze last summer are shouldered with the guilty’s burden. A February New York Times article, “For London Youth, Down and Out Is Way of Life,” pinned Britain’s growing unemployment rate at over 22 percent, the highest since 1992.

We’re all feeling underappreciated, undervalued, and voiceless. But the only way to solve that is by speaking up peacefully and reaching your hand out to politicians for diplomatic solutions. You can’t do that with a pair of handcuffs on. Syracuse University political science professor Margarita Estevez-Abe says that’s something the UK government does not have much control over. “The UK has always had more problems with disorderly thugs,” she says. “I think the live coverage of violence by the media encouraged young thugs to escalate looting and vandalism.” Look, London. We know you’re pissed off.

But your unemployment rate is less than half of Spain’s, which is climbing toward 50 percent. Their youth rallies resemble politically-motivated sleepovers in major city plazas, making them a peaceful yet effective model for London. And explosives aren’t involved—a definite plus. Perpetual lawlessness doesn’t earn you a spot at the table to talk about real issues.

Overarching public perception has also swayed because of the riots. In a study commissioned by The Guardian in the UK, rioters listed “poverty” as the most important motivating factor for the riots. The general public, however, identified criminality and poor parenting as having caused the violence. The public also reported gangs as a significant factor, while rioters who responded disagreed. So, those youths without jobs are immediately pegged as criminals in society—hindering those who stayed at home applying for jobs and not forcing their fists through glass. The sooner London youth realize criminality completely debases not only oneself but their entire population, the sooner they’ll take a step toward combating the underlying political and social issues. But don’t give politicians more fuel for the fire. While you’re at it,stay away from fire altogether.

CLICK ON AN IMAGE TO WRITE YOUR OWN STORY

By Janel Sullivan | Illustration by Jack McGowan

Photos by Andrew Renneisen

Location: 1525 Valley Drive + 4800 McDonald Road

Kids in muddied soccer uniforms couldn’t help but flash sprinkle-coated smiles. On a brisk spring evening, two lines formed at Gannon’s Isle ice cream shop on Valley Drive. Some customers asked to try new flavors—Rocky Mountain Raspberry, Crème Brûlée, Charlie Brown. Other, more seasoned members of the Gannon’s family knew exactly what they wanted. “I’ve seen some of these kids come in and have their first ice cream, and now they’re married and bringing their own kids in,” says Eileen Gannon, who co-owns the two sweet-tooth sanctuaries with her younger brother John. And if customers aren’t already true family, Gannon will happily lend a hand; she once hid an engagement ring inside an ice-cream cake for a couple who had their first date at the shop.

Gannon’s patrons can also fall in love with their own creations. Last fall, the Syracuse University men’s cross-country team concocted a pumpkin and apple crisp milkshake as a staple for the season. Marti, a regular who wanted a crunchy combination of nuts and sweetness, now has Marti’s Marshmallow. “They’re your people, they’re your customers,” Gannon says. “That’s the nicest thing about running your own business—you can keep them happy.”

Successful entrepreneurship comes with another sweet perk: freedom to focus on quality. Gannon’s ice cream is 14 percent butterfat, making the treats creamier and richer than any generic tub in (which commonly has about 10 or 12 percent) a grocery store freezer. Gannon’s also buys locally whenever possible. In the summer, a farmer down the street drops off about 12 flats of fresh strawberries for the delicious Strawberries-N-Cream.

Because of the careful flavor-making, sometimes descriptions like “sweet” and “good” don’t do the cones justice. Even though Mairead, a 9-year-old with messy hair and an even messier face, chose the most classic flavor—vanilla with sprinkles— she describes the taste as either a birthday cake or rainbow. And Cecilia, a thoughtful 10-year-old, says her vanilla-lime soft- serve reminds her of family amusement park trips. With such inspiring flavors, it’s no surprise Gannon’s business has seen growth. Last year, the shop even started a catering business after many requests— some for wedding cakes.

Photo by Greg Babcock

By Jillian D’Onfro

SOUNDS LIKE:
The dirty-basement version of Can.

WHAT THEY JERK TO:
The Growlers, Each Other, Mixtapes, múm, and U2’s “It’s a Beautiful Day” on full blast.

BEST SONG:
“He’s Got the World.” Despite lyrics from the perspective of an agoraphobic woman seeing all her worst fears come true, it’s pulse-y, danceable, and energized. The music develops and progresses along with the lyrics, as the song comes together like a good story.

WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN UP:
Whether you want to move around like crazy, contemplate in the corner, or justget drunk, Beauty School can appease. A refreshing break from the typical jam band sesh or acoustic solo show, a Beauty School concert is raucous like a rock ‘n’ roll show should be—too weird for the normal people, but too normal for the weird ones.

UNLIKELY SOURCE OF INSPIRATION:
Andrew confesses he can always find inspiration in songs he hates (okay, maybe not “Photograph” by Nickleback). Wes’ badass pair of Ralph Lauren Polo shoes, which he always wears without socks while playing drums, make his sticks fly. Blake is inspired by the desire to one day quit his real job.

WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THEM:
Spark Art Space, The Lost Horizon, basement shows, Canada (hopefully).

THE BAND PROMISES THAT:
Wes will drink two Monster Energy drinks before the show, screw up at least twice, and break something over the course of the set. Every member will also take off their clothes (Well, at least their shirts.

TOP TRACK: “KINDLING FOR FIRE”
BOTTOM TRACK: “UP LATE”

In We Could Be Arsonists, the alt-rockers of Loquat make a banana split when they should have stuck with a simple ice cream cone. The group tries to expand its palate with electronic rhythm lines but ultimately saturates the final product with over-polished tones better suited for a Top 40 hit. The album’s only saving grace is the ear bending wails of Kylee Swenson. When she lets loose, like in “Kindling for Fire,” every other sound becomes irrelevant. Sadly, tracks like these serve as a bittersweet reminder of how raw this album could have been.

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TOP TRACK: “SIX WEEKS”
BOTTOM TRACK: “FROM FINNER

In 2012, it’s hard for bands like Of Monsters and Men to achieve the recognition they deserve. Indie’s current obsession with electronic goth pop, along with its awkward. Yet unrelenting embrace of hip-hop leaves little room for a sound as organic as that presented on My Head Is An Animal. In many ways, the band took everything good about indie music in the mid-2000s—the interweaving duets of Stars, the dynamic horn arrangements of Beirut, the anthemic hooks of Arcade Fire—and added its own voice. The tone is honest and the efforts are concerted, particularly on standout songs like the somber “Love Love Love” and the celebratory “Six Weeks.” Of Monsters and Men is confident in their aesthetic, unwilling to give into what might be most fashionable at the moment. And to top it off, they hail from Iceland. Storming through the electronic musical landscape, Of Monsters and Men is armed with real instruments, beautiful melodies, adorable Icelandic accents, and, most importantly, nothing to prove.

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TOP TRACK: “ANTHEM”
BOTTOM TRACK: “HALE-BOPP WAS THE BEDOUINS”

Produced in his small South Philly workspace, emcee/producer Lushlife’s latest LP Plateau Vision was conceived as a “contemplative hip-hop” album. Adhering to no particular genre, Lushlife throws boundaries out the door as he mixes multiple languages, hazed lo-fi production, and even classical music with fluid, punch-packing rap. To add to the melting pot, he invites a wide array of guest artists including Heemes of Das Racist, Shad, Cities Aviv, and Titus Andronicus guitarist Andrew Cedarmark. For what might sound like an album with too much going on, it actually works.

4 Nancies

Due to iPods and other MP3 technology, albums are a thing of the past.

1948-2012

Cause of Death: Steve Jobs

More than fifty years ago, Columbia Records unveiled an item that would revolutionize the music industry: the LP record, known to us simply as an “album.” For four decades this invention evolved and flourished as a beloved music vehicle. But in 1999, the world experienced a moment that changed the music industry—Napster went viral. Teens looking to hear cool, new (and of course underground) bands no longer had to take

a $15 gamble only to find out that three- quarters of it was actually too painful for their ears. The world of online music offered a simple solution: pick and choose individual songs to download. For free.

Thus began the demise of the album.

What Napster started, Apple finished. In 2001, the company released the original iPod and music officially fell victim to the digital age. Now anyone with a computer can deejay mass-producing personalized playlists. From “I-slept-with-someone-else” to “#SPRINGBREAK2012” every situation

suddenly warrants a unique progession of songs. In the five minutes we spend mixing songs, albums, and artists into a sentiment- saturated playlist, we’ve undermined months of work from artists, producers, and engineers.

Thanks to Napster and company, we’ve also destroyed the album’s presentation, starting with its very essence—the album cover.

Cover art had an iconic place on records, and then CDs. It represented the intrinsic bond between art and music— a 5×5 expression of creativity, social commentary, and the power of the visual image. Today, these artful images have been reduced to a mere 1 inch x 1 inch icon that most of us do not even notice.

It’s with deep regret that we bow our heads to the fallen album. Its extinction will be marked with sorrow, likely accompanied by the playing of a depressing song blasted from our iPods

3drivers.com

Sunday

- Tyra Banks isn’t ‘smizing’ this week: the dramatic shakeup resulting from the firing of veteran judge Nigel Barker on America’s Next Top Model has many questioning the show’s future.

- Coming soon to a dispensary near you: a marijuana vending machine. A California tech company is seeking to revolutionize the medical marijuana industry by offering touch-screen options for patients. The sweet smell of success!

Monday

styleblazer.com

- Former Spice Girl and fashion maven Victoria Beckham is designing her own line of Range Rovers. We are already choking on the eleganza!

- In other automotive news: a new app called Granny Nav will hit the market later this year. The plugin will assist elderly drivers in avoiding the dangers of the road, without accounting for the fact that elderly drivers make up the bulk of dangerous drivers in the first place…

datingish.com

Tuesday

- This one’s out of this world: Google announced that it will back a venture to mine asteroids for precious metals. It is believed to ultimately be cheaper and will not deplete Earth’s natural resources.

- Startling news in the field of science this week: it has been proven that trying on bikinis alters the hormone balance in women’s brains, making them feel anxious or depressed. She wore an itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie yellow polka-dot bikini. 

Wednesday

coopersafety.com

- A new trend in America’s teens finds that hordes of young people are drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk. That doesn’t even look good on paper so we can imagine how it looks in practice. What will these kids think of next?

- Shocker! (Not Really). Beyonce was named as the “Most Beautiful Woman in the World” by People Magazine’s annual poll. Tell us something we didn’t already know…

lindagrimes.com

Thursday

- Ladies (and gentlemen) pay attention: a Florida doctor announced that he has found the real G-Spot, asserting that it is not in the location widely accepted by the medical community.

- You can breathe a little easier, as the overall air quality in the US is improving slightly for the first time in a decade. Take a whiff!

Friday

jezebel.com

- Lady Gaga kicked off her Born This Way Ball tour in Seoul today. Anyone under the age of 18 was forbidden to attend.

- The CDC revealed that over 41 Million American workers don’t get enough sleep. Go ahead and hit that snooze button…

chewatjhu.blogspot.com

By Lindsay Dolak

The idea of requesting, whether politely or forcibly, your roommate leave the room you share and then proceeding to lock and possibly white sock the door, may seem like unfair and potential fight-inducing behavior. I mean, why would you purposefully leave your roommate out in the empty, dirty-carpeted dorm hallway? Oh, you’re trying to get it in? Well, that just changes everything.

Sexiling is an increasingly common act on college campuses as students from campuses near and far seek out a private place they can turn into pound town. If you have been sexiled, think you might be, or think you might have to sexile your roommate, here is some situational advice for the art of the sexile.

The Sexiler:

Sexiling is easily one of the best practices I’ve encountered college students doing. Asking for some alone time with you and your current hook up is actually a completely understandable thing to do, provided that you aren’t a total bitch about it and certain stipulations apply.

Sexiling is appropriate if:

- You give your roommate some advanced warning. If he or she is at class or otherwise out and about, it’s only fair that you at least send a warning text letting him or her know what’s really shaking behind your shared entry way.

- Your roommate has not recently received any earth-shattering and/or bad news. If he just found out he’s not getting into Newhouse or she just heard that her fave sorority cut her during recruitment, they deserve some time with Ben and Jerry in bed without you banging away in the next bed.

- You don’t do this all the damn time! If this is an every weekend, possibly week-night, occurrence, then I’m here to give your roommate full permission to contest your request. “I had a roommate freshman year who would lock me out every night of the weekend to hook up with some guy. After a while, it’s like really? I’m just trying to wash this frat off my face and get to bed,” said Emily, a sophomore. Don’t cause unnecessary drama because you have a constant need to B you L on some T’s. Hook-ups come and go. Roommates are forever (in college time).

The Sexiled:

In my opinion, the term “sexile” falls second on the creativity scale to only one other sex-related term: “sexodus.” Urban Dictionary defines a sexodus as “the predicament one find’s oneself in when displaced from one’s room because one’s roommate is utilizing the aforementioned room for carnal pleasures, and one must find a way to pass the time until the room becomes unused again.” Genius, right? However, you may not think it so great when you are the one being locked out of all the homey comforts of your spacious abode.

Like sexiling, there is also an art to being sexiled and here are the basics:

- Don’t be a bitch about it. I understand the frustration, but assuming you’ll also have the potential for a random college hook up, or even a steady sexual relationship, you’re going to want your roommate to get the eff out so you can get the eff on at some point too.

- Don’t get taken advantage of. In regard to the above point, obviously things can get out of hand. Don’t let your roommate consistently kick you out and turn your shared space into his or her sex dungeon. Stick up for yourself and the sake of your stuffed animals that are being forced to watch the fornication.

- Bring homework, snacks, and a phone charger. Oh and headphones! Just in case your floor doesn’t have a lounge and you’re pretty much forced to sit right outside the door.

collegecandy.com

By Lauryn Botterman

A brief cross-section of the interesting characters you’ve probably encountered at your chosen institute of higher education.

The Clinger

This person seemed pretty chill for about the first two weeks of the semester, until you realized she would not leave you the fuck alone. You feel strangely obligated to continue to invite this person places, thereby enforcing a vicious cycle of parasitic friendship. You don’t have the heart to tell her to please learn the concept of personal space. She has your schedule memorized and will call you out on practically any excuse to not hang out—simultaneously creepy and obnoxious. Take this person in small doses whenever possible.

The Pothead

I’m talking about that kid who is literally always high. And if that person’s not high, he won’t shut up about how stoked he is to try out his new bong later. You’re pretty sure he’s majoring in Weed Appreciation with a minor in Being Stoned 24/7.  No one has quite figured out how he manages to function as a semi-productive human being, but he seems to have some sort of system going on where his actual life and scholarly obligations minimally interfere with his smoking needs. Bloodshot eyes, perma-grin, constantly hungry—hopefully he’ll have a few brain cells left by the time he graduates.

Le Douchebag

He’s the cocky fratstar, the womanizer, the guy you want to punch in the face. He’s hot in an “I know you’re just gonna fuck me over” kind of way. You know the type: square jaw, piercing eyes, slight scruff, constantly sporting an overpriced polo and Sperry’s. He gets what he wants when he wants it. He’s also got a bigger ego than Kanye West and couldn’t give two shits if you hate him for it.

Regina George Incarnate

This is the girl who professes adamantly on the first day you meet her that she hates drama. Yet whenever there is drama, you can inevitably trace it back to her. You thought you were escaping cattiness and immaturity when you graduated high school? Wrong: she’s back and she has claws. She spreads gossip and STDs in equal ratios and is constantly on a power trip. Despite her fake, whiny, and shallow personality, guys fall for her—until they realize she’s actually just a psychotic bitch. Stay away, dramawhores, stay far away.

The Haughty Vegetarian

“How can I wedge the fact that I don’t eat meat into this conversation? It obviously makes me morally superior to everyone else.” This is the life motto of the Haughty Vegetarian. And it’s obnoxious as hell. Yes, we are aware that you don’t consume animal flesh for moral/health/personal reasons. You do not need to announce this fact at every meal. Enjoy your salad and quinoa; I’m about to scarf down a burger and I don’t want so much as a condescending sideward glance as I do so.

Your Awkward Past Hookups

You were content to leave memories of that one night stand in the bed where you did the deed. Nope. God has a different plan in mind. How lucky it is that on a campus of 20,000 people, you run into your handful of awkward past hookups regularly, at the least ideal moments and locations: in the elevator, on line for coffee—and of course you happen to be wearing your shittiest outfit every time you see them. You could try to be mature about it and give them a calm and casual greeting. But I say why not make it as uncomfortable as possible by mutually pretending not to see each other, avoiding eye contact at all costs? Problem averted.

That Guy Who Never Leaves His Room

Creeper status to the max. He emerges from his room approximately once every three weeks. He smells bad and his hair is super greasy. Does he communicate with other human beings? Jury’s still out on that one. What’s his name again? Jeff? Or John maybe? Whatever.

The Overachiever

She’s the editor-in-chief of the campus newspaper, has a 4.0, is the president of her sorority, has a successful startup company, and also finds the time for a boyfriend and a social life. What did you accomplish today? Took a nap and thought about going to the gym. Shit. At least overachievers serve as motivation to get your own life in order. You’ll never understand how they get it all done, but it’s pretty inspiring. These are the people you’ll be working for in a few years, so get on their good side now.

A "red bag" used to throw away bloodied objects.

The blood was still wet. Two mornings earlier, on Friday, April 3, 2009, Jiverly Wong entered the American Civic Association with two pistols and a satchel of ammunition. He’d written his plans in a letter: “AT LEAST TWO PEOPLE GO WITH ME TO THE DUST OF THE EARTH.” He walked in, said nothing, and shot the immigration center’s receptionists and immigrants in a citizenship class. Then himself. He left his blood, the blood of the 13 he killed, and the blood of the four he critically wounded with the dust of the tile floor.

When Jim Coyle, president of Disaster Clean-Up, first walked into the Binghamton center that Sunday, he could tell from the bullet holes where Wong had stood and unloaded the 98 rounds. But Coyle says, almost three years later, dressed in a white button-down embroidered with the company logo and his circular face sun- reddened, that within 30 seconds he and the four other workers with him started discussing what they needed to do. There was a lot of blood. It was their job to clean it. And so as TV newspersons reported and passersby lay flowers outside, Coyle and the others put on disposable coveralls, chemical-resistant gloves, and full-face respirators. Then they got to it.

The police had removed the bodies and approved the scene for cleanup in accordance with protocol. Coyle doesn’t remember much furniture in the room where most of the victims died. But he recalls books soaked in blood. They put those in bags as red as cherry lollipops, marked with the biohazard symbol. Then they “red-bagged” each bag again and sealed them in labeled cardboard boxes. For the blood and body matter, they used mops, vacuum cleaners, steam cleaners, and disinfectants. Had the floor been carpeted and the blood seeped through, like in someone’s home, they would’ve cut the carpet out. Anything porous goes.

As they worked for about eight hours, aside from logistical talk, they chatted about normal topics—movies, sports. “You don’t dwell on what happened, how it happened, that kind of stuff,” Coyle says. “We were there for the business at hand, not to visualize what your imagination will run wild with.” Having other people there helped with that. And if it started to get to them, they left and took a walk, grabbed a soda. Cleared their heads. Many people vomit. But by the time Coyle got the call for the ACA, he’d already gone on dozens of death-scene cleanup jobs. And with each job, he became more desensitized. He also says he’s seen worse. He won’t say more.

Despite its macabre nature, crime and death-scene cleanup have become a popular occupation. Dee Countryman, who owns Mopheads Cleaning in Syracuse, says the first question any stranger asks her while she works a job isn’t “What happened?” It’s “Are you hiring?” But some of the recent entrants into the industry appear to amount to oblivious, “CSI”-glorifying wannabes, according to Rich Ross, president of the American Bio-Recovery Association. Ross says, “People see the show and they think, ‘Well, I can clean up.’ And everybody thinks they’re a great cleaner.” But while membership applications to the trade association have increased over the past few years (though Ross doesn’t keep statistics), most applicants fail to met its insurance, experience, and training standards.

ABRA offers its own certificate-based training sessions for the paying public. Ross runs some of them, so people email him YouTube clips of the practices taught in other organizations’ seminars. In some videos, instructors used real animal blood and body parts without wearing proper protective equipment, exposing the demonstrator to blood-borne pathogens that could carry tuberculosis, hepatitis, or HIV. He’s seen other trainers, with their bare hands, picking up maggots that they’ve allowed to crawl through blood. “If you don’t do this work right, you’re going to get yourself, or your employees sick—or a consumer,” Ross says. One time, Coyle parked across the street to watch a company work. They’d asked for half of Disaster Clean-Up’s price to complete the job (which varies based on the kind and scale of the scene). They wore no protective equipment and tossed furniture covered in bodily fluids into a U-Haul trailer.

Current federal laws allow states to regulate the creation, transportation, and disposal of hazardous waste through their own environmental programs, in concordance with Department of Transportation and Occupational Safety and Health Administration laws. But only two states—California and Louisiana— classify death scenes separately. Under current New York State Department of Environmental Conservation rules, death- scene-cleanup companies reside outside of the higher standards of medical waste regulations: the red, biohazard-labeled bags; the biohazard-labeled cardboard boxes; permanent waste transporters; and authorized medical waste disposal facilities. If death-scene cleanup fell under medical protocols, workers couldn’t legally throw the blood, brain matter, and other remains into a dumpster (or a U-Haul).

While most companies follow medical protocols, according to Alan Woodard, an environmental program specialist at the DEC, there are plans to amend DEC regulations to fix the problem. Though the change must first overcome several administrative hurdles, if it passes, crime-scene-cleanup companies will need to register with the state. They’ll also face the much higher penalties given to those who break medical waste law. While rare, criminally mismanaging medical waste can cost up to $25,000 per day per incident. Ross hopes that the potential standards in New York and other states will stop the shoddy work.

Proper, safe procedures matter to Coyle. He can remember New York State code rules by number and Disaster Clean- Up also belongs to ABRA, which teaches medical-waste standards. But beyond the legalities, those men working without protective equipment irked him. They seemed to only care about the money. And that difference divides cleanup companies: some care about their employees and the traumatized; others don’t. Caring nurtures a desire to do the job right—which isn’t to say it’s not a business. “Is it profitable? Yeah, it’s profitable,” says Coyle. “It’s a valuable service.” But Coyle seems to genuinely hold his clients’ emotions dear. His voice lowers when discussing his own experiences or contemplating someone cleaning up the blood of a person he loves. But his tone hardens, his cadence quickens, and his squinted eyes darken behind his half-frame glasses when talking about apathetic, mindless cleaners. “It’s a shame that someone’s loved one commits suicide,” he says. “But you don’t want the mother of the person walking into that room to clean it up. We’re there to put it back together again.” He worked the ACA job for free. Everyone did.

But caring too much can hurt. There’s a practical gain for cleaners in knowing what they’re walking into (gunshot: splatter; hanging: contained; hemorrhaging: seepage), but beyond those specifics, knowing less helps them cope. Sometimes, the scenes linger. Dee Countryman, of Mopheads, struggles with nightmares. Coyle thinks about that one job—the worst one—from time to time. And with a litany of bloody tragedies plaguing his life, some details bring back memories for Ross, who still works cleanups. Stab wounds remind Ross of his brother, whose wife stabbed him in the heart, killing him. Gunshot wounds make Ross recall the time his brother-in- law shot Ross while attempting to murder his sister and her kids. And the time a shotgun blast killed his nephew. “There are times when people say, ‘Oh it doesn’t really bother me at all,’” Ross says. “But eventually it will come back to you.”

Though Ross says his close relationship to murder didn’t influence his decision to join the industry. Unlike the entrants today, he says, he and many of the long-time ABRA members entered this business out of compulsion—not desire. Years passed between the deaths in Ross’ family and the beginning of his career in this industry. He owned his own janitorial company and got into carpet cleaning. But when something traumatic happened to a client, they called him. “And I’ve always felt families and friends should not have to do that kind of stuff,” he explains. That’s why this profession exists: cleaning up after a loved one tortures you. When Coyle took over Disaster Clean-Up with his wife, he told his employees that they planned to remove death-scene cleanup from their business. He said to them, “Nobody wants to do this.” But one, Cheryl Seymour, said she would work the jobs, as long as someone went with her. So he did. Seymour was one  of the others at the ACA.

Over time, cleaning blood gets easier. Coyle says he’d rather do the ACA again before another sewage backup (the smell may compare with that of human decomposition, which Countryman describes as a mix of ammonia and rotting cabbage—especially pungent in the summertime). Disaster Clean-Up also repairs sites after a fire or flooding. “You have to understand the nature of our business,” he says. “We deal in tragedy. So to me, that’s not out of the norm. It’s just a different tragedy.” Countryman puts it a bit more bluntly: “Blood is like mud.”

Sometimes though, family members must clean up on their own and face the medical and physical dangers themselves. Usually, homeowner’s insurance covers the cost. And if not, the New York State Office of Victim Services can pay up to $2,500 for the services—unless it’s a suicide; the statute denies payment when someone inflicts their own injuries. Countryman remembers getting a call from the grandparents of a teenager who killed himself. They lived on Social Security. They started cleaning the mess, but just couldn’t finish. So Countryman did the job for free.

The creations involved aren’t the only reason why relying on death and tragedy for work is strange. Murder—the core of the business—is capricious. U.S. Department of Justice statistics show that while the annual number of homicide victims rose slightly in the early 2000s, it’s steeply fallen from the beginning of the 90s, including a decrease over the past five years, which Kim Brundage, a senior crime analyst with the Syracuse Police Department, says is the standard time period for crime analysis because of the many socioeconomic changes that happen over that span. The national trend holds in Syracuse. Last year, the city saw only 13 murders, down from a peak of 24 in 2008. This year, so far, the city has only had one. (Statistics for suicides over the last two years remain unavailable.)

The low murder rate combined with the influx of cleanup companies makes a death scene a rare commodity. “You can’t do a steady diet of this,” says Ross. Because of the lack of jobs, Countryman recently put Mopheads Cleaning up for sale. But business is fine for Coyle. There haven’t been too many death-scene jobs in Binghamton of late, unlike for his counterparts in New York City and Atlanta, who he says work bloody sites every day. But other types of disaster happens all the time.

Before Coyle and the others left the ACA, the center’s director asked them to delete the photos they took as documentation for the insurance company. They did. Coyle then left; ate dinner at a local diner with a NYC sister company’s owner, who’d come to work the job; and then he went home.

womansavers.com

No relationship is consistently perfect. You aren’t always beaming over the very thought of your significant other, or even always happy with everything he or she does. During these “down periods,” a lot of people begin to question whether or not they want to stay in the relationship. Sometimes it’s good to have these thoughts because you should always keep in check with yourself about how you’re feeling. Any serious doubts, and it’s time to move on. But what happens when you’re in a relationship, love the person, but just need ‘space’? What does space even mean?

I’ve told a guy I needed to go on a “break” before. While most people say it’s a really shitty way of saying “I’m breaking up with you, and this is the easiest way to put it,” I actually meant that I just wanted a short time apart because I was confused about what I wanted because college was just around the corner. I loved him a lot, but questioned whether or not I needed to get a few things out of my system, and vice versa, first. You could call it selfish; it was like I was putting him on hold and, by no means, was it fair.

Hannah Boehm*, a junior, said she told her boyfriend she needed a break because he was too controlling. “He would ask me hundreds of questions about who I was with, if any other guys were there, look through my phone. I loved him a lot and wanted to be with him, but he needed to realize I would leave if it kept up, so I thought going on a break was the best option for us,” she said. Boehm and her boyfriend are no longer together because the time apart became “too comfortable.”

When most people think about taking a break, they instantly think it’s the start of a downward spiral to a breakup. Out of 34 respondents—14 male and 20 female—about 94 percent said they believe this to be true. Is it the time apart, or is it what happens during that time apart that can lead to a breakup?

If you’re going on a break, for the sake of yours and your partner’s sanity, set rules. Talk to your boyfriend or girlfriend and negotiate what are appropriate and inappropriate actions during the break. Define what you both consider cheating. There is no right or wrong answer, and it’s never universal among all couples. Some cut off all contact with one another, others hook up without a label, and some say it’s okay to hook up with other people. It all varies.

Matt Stewart*, a senior, said that during the time he and his girlfriend were on a break, she took it as “I can hook up with whoever I want; I’m single,” while he took it as “We’re getting back together; we just aren’t physically in each other’s lives right now.”

Bringing up the B-word offsets a relationship no matter what and is taken even more seriously when it’s out of the blue. You be the judge. You might need the break, but is it worth losing someone you love or want to be with eventually? If you’re questioning things, maybe the time just isn’t right for now and you should go on a break. Time apart could actually do your relationship good. Meet different people. Experience different relationships. Decide for yourself what you want and don’t want.

But please do not expect anyone to wait for you. You can’t make someone do that, and you shouldn’t want him or her to do that either. Getting back together too soon, without letting some things out of your system, isn’t fair for either of you. The worst that could happen is you don’t end up together, but keep in mind he or she isn’t the only person in this world.

*Names are changed for anonymity

Photos by Meg O’Malley

A statue of Moroni, the founder of Mormonism, in Palmyra, N.Y.

In February, a researcher discovered that a Mormon church in the Dominican Republic posthumously baptized Anne Frank into its faith. As a Jew who’s visited concentration camps, I felt offended. Anne Frank— who died because of her Jewish faith—a baptized Mormon? But ignorance breeds hatred, so I decided to venture to nearby Palmyra, N.Y., the birthplace of Mormonism. I needed a sidekick though. So I asked my roommate Lela, an evangelical Christian, to come along. The night before our trip, we watched a four-hour PBS documentary about the religion. We learned the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (short- handed as LDS) reasoned that baptizing nonbelievers after they’d died would enable their souls to enter “God’s Kingdom.”

The Mormon Church has a genealogical database called familysearch.org, containing 2 billion names taken from government census data. Today the database acts as a free public online resource but also has a Mormon-members-only counterpart, indicating if someone’s been baptized yet. Mormons use the site to find names, which pop up on a computer screen in front of a temple pool as baptism candidates are dunked. The ultimate goal is to convert as many living and dead as possible.

We paused the film so we could log onto the site. Lela typed in the name of her great- grandmother, Lucille Colbert, a Southerner with no connection to Mormonism. But her name still came up in the search queries filling the screen. On the rightmost column, under “children,” she pointed out her grandmother’s name. Lela burst into tears, sobbing at the idea of the Mormon “cult,” as she referred to the religion after the PBS doc, posthumously baptizing her great-grandmother. I wasn’t sure if she’d still come with me.

Lela was saved two years ago. She went from being a “huge social liberal” who rejected marriage to wanting a Duggar-sized family and living by literal biblical principles. “The idea of submitting to my husband would have made me vomit,” she told me. “Now it makes me rejoice.” I’m not as devout. To fast, I eat less. On Passover, I add matzo to my diet without eliminating much else. But despitethis,I’mpassionateaboutmyJewish tradition. I’ve visited concentration camps in Poland and been to Israel four times; my 19-year-old cousin is an officer in the Israeli navy. And despite our differences, Lela and I share a profound interest in other religions.

All religions have miracles (the burning bush or Jesus walking on water) but something about bringing a biblical religion into American history—saying the Garden of Eden is in Missouri and believing Native Americans descend from an ancient Israelite tribe—by way of a 14-year-old seemed so far- fetched and, well, unbelievable. I wanted to know, “Why do people believe in this?”

A Mormon Temple in Palmyra, N.Y. Only Mormons with a "temple recommend" from a bishop can enter.

On a spring day in 1820, a 14-year-old boy named Joseph Smith had a vision of God and Jesus in a grove near his home in Palmyra. Three years later, in his bedroom he saw an angel who called on him to go to a nearby hill and dig up a set of golden tablets with holy writings on them. He did as he was told. Within a few years, Smith translated the writings on the plates, which became the Book of Mormon.

The following morning, a Sunday, Lela and I drank our favoriteTim Hortons coffees and jammed to Broadway’s The Book of Mormon soundtrack as we headed to Palmyra, an hour’s drive west of Syracuse. We first visited the Smith family’s log home. Metal plates, cutlery, and mugs adorned the dining room table. Glass encased the original family Bible. We followed Sister Raines, a 21-year-old missionary and our tour guide. Lela and I referred to her as the “down-to-earth missionary.” Nothing she said sounded scripted, embellished, or dumbed down. Her candor prompted me to mention the Holocaust victims and the posthumous baptisms. She assured me the church didn’t mean to offend anyone by it. She said they’re just giving souls a chance to embrace the Mormon gospel, adding, “If someone danced on the graves of my dead relatives I wouldn’t have a problem with it.”

She led Lela and I up the narrow wooden staircase to Joseph Smith’s bedroom, which he shared with his eight siblings. Light poured out of a small window just above Smith’s bed, where Mormons believe Moroni, the angel, appeared. Believing the bedroom constituted a sacred space, I hesitated to ask if I could take a picture. “Of course,” Sister Raines said. “There’s nothing you can ask, say, or do that hasn’t been done before.”

A girl stands attentively observing the Moroni statue.

I mentioned this moment to Airen Hall, a Ph.D. student at Syracuse University, who wrote her dissertation on contemporary LDS pilgrimages to significant sites like Palmyra. She also practiced Mormonism until age 17. She explained that, unlike other religions, Mormons don’t have a consensus on what is holy. “Mormons place emphasis on personal revelation,” she said. It’s up to the individual’s experience and whether they “feel the spirit.” This reminded me of my trip to Israel last summer. I remember an elderly lady at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem sobbing at Jesus’ tomb. She fell to her knees with a plastic tote bag filled with prayer shawls. Our tour guide speculated that they belonged to her church friends from back home who asked her to rub them on the tomb. A handful of church members walked around the sites visited in Palmyra. None seemed as emotional as the shawl lady.

Although Mormonism emphasizes personalized reverence, most members share a common peace while visiting a Mormon temple. In 2000, the LDS built its 77th temple in Palmyra. It’s bone white. The rectangular windows, geometric shape, and repeating circular pattern along the frieze resemble Frank Lloyd Wright’s organic style. A golden statue of Moroni sits on a pillar, overlooking the temple grounds. Lela and I knew almost nothing about it beside that we weren’t allowed inside. Only Mormons who receive a “temple recommend” from a Mormon bishop can enter. Inside, there’s no traditional praying—only special ceremonies like weddings, endowments, and posthumous baptisms.

When Lela and I walked around the temple, we noticed that every window contained stained glass trees, leaves, and a blue sky to represent the Sacred Grove where Joseph Smith received his first vision, a half- mile away. Days later in a Mormon church in Syracuse, Brittany and Ryan Milcarek remember getting married in the Palmyra Temple in October. They recalled mirrors lining the room that held their ceremony, symbolizing the eternal bond they were committing to. Mimicking its exterior, attendees must remove their street clothes in favor of all-white ensembles. It’s supposed to be the closest thing to heaven on earth.

A look into the town of Palmyra, NY.

On that Sunday, the majority of businesses on Main Street were closed, except for Athenia, a bustling diner populated by elderly couples fixated on Brian Williams’ mug on the large flat-screen TVs. But when I started asking about the Mormon community, the hum of Sunday night chatter fell uncomfortably silent. Our

waitress claimed that she neither knew much nor had an opinion about the Mormons. I mentioned this to Bonnie Hays of Historic Palmyra, the local historical society. “I’m not a Mormon, but I think they’re the nicest, kindest, and most generous people I know,” she says. Hays, who’s lived in the town for 42 years, describes Palmyra as “the most accepting place I’ve ever been to. I think it’s always been this way.” The notion echoes parts of Palmyra’s history, which takes root in abolitionism, the temperance movement, women’s rights, and religious revivals (spiritualism was born in Palmyra, too). Palmyra’s “Four Corners” symbolize this history: four churches of different denominations reside at each corner at the intersection of Canadaigua Street and Main Street in the town.

Mormons have a different take. They say nonbelievers drove Joseph Smith and his followers out of Palmyra. “Persecution was basic human behavior,” Hays told me. “It wasn’t good behavior, but it was behavior nonetheless.” Though contention remains over whether or not the first Mormons were persecuted or just “made fun of,” as Jan Shipps, one of the foremost non-Mormon scholars on the LDS, believes. Coming from a religion with a long history of persecution, I can empathize with the Mormons’ sensitivity to the topic. The Mormons established Ufor similar reasons Jews founded Israel. A restaurant patron reminded me that we were visiting the town during its off-season. Palmyra blossoms in July, during the seven- day Hill Cumorah Pageant. Celebrating its 75th anniversary this year, the performance takes place on the hill where Joseph Smith found the golden tablets; the ground seats 8,000. The 700-person cast depicts scenes from the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Thousands of believers make the pilgrimage to either watch or participate. On our way back onto I-90, Lela and I passed the Hill Cumorah and noticed the dilapidated farmhouses and rundown trailer park just a mile or so away from the onramp. I remember a rush of questions streaming through my head. I still understood little. I’d learned a lot about the history, personality, and unwavering faith of Mormons. But, even among the relics and followers, I never got a clear answer on why people believe in the visions of a 14-year- old so deeply. And so Lela plugged in my iPhone, and we started singing along:

You all know the Bible is made of testaments old and new

You’ve been told it’s just those two parts, or only one if you’re a Jew

But what if I were to tell you—there’s a fresh third part out there

Which was found by a hip new prophet who had a little… Donny Osmond flair?

Read our Web Exclusive Face Time with Marc Clay, Syracuse’s stake president for the LDS Church.

I’ve been to raves and concerts a plenty and my closet’s got the garb to prove it. Many of you Block Party-goers may be scrambling for last-minute outfit ideas, so I’ve created a quick list for ya’ll to consult for a stand-out get-up—besides wearing glow bracelets, neon, and a Kaskade tee.

1. Sequin Vest – I bought mine at Urban Outfitters for $20. It goes with everything and is the best thing to add on top of a bandeau. I’ve gotten compliments on it at every show I’ve worn it to. There’s just something about a shiny vest that grabs the attention from all the friendly people at raves.

2. Fringe - Cut up an old shirt (or a new Kaskade one?), buy a cute one that’s already got the fringe on it, whatever. Fringe is fun to dance in, and it gives your outfit the same movement you feel inside of you.

3. Neon Bandeau - If you’re going to go with the typical neon bandeau look, find one with a cool pattern. Stop at Some Girls on Marshall Street; they have dozens of colors and patterns available, and they’re selling for only $12.

4. Tutu - It’s fun, it’s flirty, and it’s a popular look for raves. If you’re going to dress up, why not go for the whole shebang? The only faux pas is that it’s hard to dance with someone while wearing a tutu. But, you do look pretty awesome tearing it up on your own.

5. Kaskade Booty Shorts - I found these while looking for some cool merchandise. They say “Kaskade,” and they make your ass look amazing. What more can you ask for? If you’re interested in buying other Kaskade merchandise, click here.

article.wn.com

Slide over, Siri, there’s a new eerily unemotional voice recognition app in town. After nearly three months of rejection, Voice Answer, developed by the Netherlands-based company Sparkling Apps has been approved by Apple and can now be purchased in the app store. According to Techcrunch.com, it’s usable on any iPhone, iPod or iPad running iOS 4.2 or later. The new app, whose icon graphic has an uncanny resemblance to the crazed cyborgs Will Smith fought off in I, Robot, opens up the purchase options for those who fancy conversing with their mobile devices, but don’t want to upgrade to the 4s. On the other hand, it remains to be seen if the largely untested Voice Answer can stand up against Siri and her hoards of loyal users.

There’s no question that Apple has the monopoly on voice-recognition applications. Siri was one of the main marketing focuses when the 4s was released and has become a household name since then. People have faith in Apple products and the company’s brand image makes it almost impervious to competition.

“I don’t think Voice Answer will compete with Siri because, let’s face it, Apple controls the market right now. I think the iPhone revolution is still as strong as ever and sales will go up every time a new iPhone comes out. So, Siri is here to stay for the long-haul,” said Andrew Chernoff, a senior broadcast journalism and political science double major, mirroring the sentiments of most avid Apple users.

Voice-recognition app developers have their work cut out for them as they must persuade consumers their product can offer something different than the already well-established Siri. But if they play their cards right, success could be found with consumers who don’t see the necessity of buying the iPhone 4s, and we can’t forget about iPad owners who lack Siri. Of course, the challenge will be escaping Siri’s shadow, something Sparkling Apps may struggle with as Eve, its last attempt to compete with Apple voice recognition, failed miserably.

“As for other phones, I think voice recognition will be popular, but at the end of the day, people will recognize Siri’s name a lot more,” Chernoff agreed.

Voice Answer is by no means perfect and is no exception to the common flaws of voice recognition apps, but it has promise. According to Tuaw.com, the app handles questions that require quick answers well and doesn’t jump to the web to find solutions, which Siri often does.

“It’s $3.99, which isn’t bad, but I don’t think it’s been fully developed yet to make it worth my time,” said Jon Gregalis, a sophomore public relations major. “I like that it can answer lots of questions, but what I seek is the ability for the voice activation control to do is read my texts to me and respond to them depending on what I tell it to say.”

http://midwesternmiscreant.tumblr.com/

By Natasha  Schuyler

A year ago, Jeanette Wall, a junior in the Bandier program, started The Miscreant, a promotional magazine for various bands. She said she wanted to help give back to all the contributors and bands, so she decided to make a compilation tape. Although the tape didn’t come to fruition, the idea planted a seed that she really wanted to release records.

Wall worked at Ba Da Bing Records, an independent record label, this past summer. She already knew much of what she did at the internship, but seeing the daily ins and outs of running a label was a learning experience in itself. Being the go-to mail person at the label, Wall was responsible for sending out vinyl, T-shirts, and other random items that either the label or the artists needed.

“It was just like crazy stuff. The label was also in the guy’s house, so seeing the lifestyle that you lead whenever you run a record label, sort of made it more real,” she said.

Also, reading Our Noise: The Story of Merge Records made her realize how possible it is for someone with her interests to start a label. She started Miscreant Records in late 2011, which releases records on cassette and vinyl.

“Obviously the music is what’s important. That should definitely catch your attention,” Wall said. “But I want to make sure it looks as cool as the music is and that you have that tangible experience with cassette or vinyl, which I think is definitely the foundation of the record label, and my philosophy on music because I love analog technology.”

Wall said she is currently working to release Dumb Talk’s next album on pink vinyl. Miscreant Records uses United Record Press, located in Nashville, one of the largest vinyl pressing companies in the country. The company even presses albums for Third Man Records, Jack White’s record label.

Some of the bands Miscreant Records works with are Walls’ friends. She said she likes to take on bands that she enjoys the music of, with no particular genre in mind. Others she sees live or finds on blogs.

“They’re just my friends. It is like getting married,” said Wall. “I’m taking a huge financial risk, but also I’m still building a brand and the artists trust you to brand their record correctly, and you trust them to represent the brand. I guess it’s just you want to have people who’s music not only do you love, but people you know will sell records who would be passionate about pushing it and be responsible and not get too ahead of themselves.”

Wall said she believes the word miscreant means being a misfit and not feeling like you fit in all the time.

“I feel everybody feels like that so it is a really identifiable, really inclusive brand identity, which is really something I’m all about.”

The Week of 4/15-4/20

Sunday 4/15

- Party like a rockstar: Normally-reserved Secretary of State Hillary Clinton took to the Colombian nightclub scene while on official State business this week. Madame Secretary was seen downing several beers and dancing with her arms in the air. Fuck the haters and maybe ask her about it at her guest lecture Monday.

- This week marks the annual Coachella music festival, where a hologram of Tupac appeared on stage with Snoop and Dr. Dre. “Imma let you finish Tupac, but Princess Leia is the best hologram of all time…”

Monday 4/16

usmagazine.com

- In health news: a rising surge in the number of chin implant surgeries has surpassed those of breast enlargement over the last 18 months. Because, you know, a chin really turns us on…

- Former That 70’s Show castmates Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have officially announced that they are dating. Pretty rad, dude.

radaronline.com

Tuesday 4/17

- Something smells fishy: The FDA announced the recall of over 58,825 lbs. of sashimi-grade tuna after 100 people came down with salmonella.

- Over 20 Secret Service officials have been implicated for grave misconduct during the President’s recent trip to Colombia. Apparently Hillary wasn’t the only one dropping it like it was hot…

Wednesday 4/18

gawker.com

- In feel-good news this week: an East Texas boy started a lemonade stand to raise money for his father’s caner treatment. The savvy businessman effectively raised over $10,000 to cover the family’s medical expenses.

- Speaking of heart-warming optimism: a recent study revealed that a positive outlook on life could help protect against heart disease. Don’t worry, be happy!

usmagazine.com

Thursday 4/19

- The nation mourns a media icon this week: SU alum Dick Clark passed away at the age of 82. New Year’s Eve will never be quite as rockin’.

- Hot for teacher: a Southern California teacher was fired after it was discovered that she had appeared in several porn films.

Friday 4/20

torontosun.com

- Songstress Adele led the Billboard Music Award Nominations. The British singer garnered 18 nominations for her mega-hit album, 21.

- In weird news around the world: A New Zealand mother died from drinking nearly 2 gallons of Coca-Cola each day.

Jerk profiles Josh Oliver, a senior in the College of Visual and Performing Arts.

hubpages.com

If you’ve ever had sex or have been sexiled and forced to hear your roommate bang it out while you wait in the hallway reading your Biology book, you know that there are many different noises that come along with a hearty hump session. And if you know this, then you also know that these musical stylings of sex are fucking disgusting. All that moaning and groaning (you do not sound sexy and it is probably why he hasn’t finished yet) and slapping, clapping, and slurping could use some muffling. So, instead of letting your partner smother your face with a pillow to help shut you up, here are some of the best beats to bang to depending on your sexual style.

If you want slow, close, sexual sex:

I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving You – John Mayer

Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon

One in a Million – Aaliyah

Shot For Me – Drake

Crash Into Me – Dave Matthews Band

Skin – Rihanna

Take You Down – Chris Brown

Dead Wrong – The Fray

If you want fast-paced, panting, dripping in sweat sex:

Strip – Chris Brown

Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin

Satisfaction – Benny Benassi

Cold Hard Bitch – JET

So Much Love – Fedde Le Grand

Sandstorm – Darude (best for sex marathons!)

We Found Love – Rihanna

Kill Everybody - Skrillex

The Classics:

Pony – Ginuwine

Pour Some Sugar on Me – Def Leppard

Splash Waterfalls – Ludacris

Too Close – Next

Fucking You Tonight – Notorious B.I.G.

Let’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye (duh)

Dirrrty – Christina Aguilera

Happy love making you little Mozarts!

Scott Thomas

By Lauryn Botterman

HOT

1. Dressing exactly the same as everyone else

Philosophical question: If you’re a girl but you’re not sporting the black leggings/sorority letters/zip-up hoodie/oversized sunglasses/middle-part look, do you actually go to Syracuse University? And if you’re a guy but not wearing the classic T-shirt/sweatshirt/baggy jeans/Nikes ensemble, you should probably question whether you’re on the right campus, too. There is no better feeling than walking down Marshall Street realizing that you’re practically a clone of everyone else you pass. Conformity! It’s truly thrilling. Better get on board with the standard wardrobe ASAP or risk being shunned by all of Orange Nation.

2. Talking in the library

They don’t call it Club Bird for nothin’. And you thought you were going to the library to find a quiet place to study? Pshh. Who are you? The library is obviously the prime spot for loudly discussing this weekend’s antics with your friends for hours on end. If you were attempting to write a paper or cram for a final, tough shit. We’re trying to socialize here. #sorrynotsorry.

3. Nonstop dubstep

You came to a frat party thinking the DJ would supply a wide variety of musical genres to dance to? Jokes. What could be better than jamming exclusively to dubstep remixes of Top 40 hits for two hours? It’s totally original and fun! You can fade into darkness again and again and again. Never gets old. “Call Me Maybe” on the other hand….

NOT

1. Internet connection

Connecting to the Internet is soooo overrated. AirOrangeX works fine just the way it is: spotty and slow. You got kicked off the network five times in the past hour? Whatevs, no biggie. Just gotta connect again! It’s super easy and convenient, especially when you’re trying to do research online or in the process of writing a long email. Seriously, everyone should calm the eff down about AirOrangeX. Here at Syracuse, we’re too good for reliable Internet access.

2. Sunshine

Gray skies and precipitation are our thing. They say there are two seasons in Syracuse: winter and almost-winter. We embrace shitty weather. Who needs a giant, shining orb in the sky when you can go tanning at Garbo’s four days a week? The lack of sunshine motivates us to stay in and study—and then go out and drink excessively to get over the fact that we practically live in the frozen tundra. Cold weather builds character. Plus, it’s also endlessly entertaining to watch drunk kids freeze their asses off as they walk down Comstock in search for parties in little-to-no clothing.

3. Actually going to class

It is said that the key to success in college is learning to manage your time efficiently. So if you interpret that as skipping your 9:30 Econ lecture to watch a marathon of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, then so be it. Get the notes from a friend and spend the morning in bed mentally assuring yourself that you’ll get your life together eventually. Now that’s time management. Are you getting the most out of your education and respecting the thousands of dollars your parents are paying in tuition? Uhh, maybe not so much. But every college student should know how to discreetly and skillfully bullshit his or her way through life once in a while. It’s a necessary evil.

nytimes.com

By Laura Cohen

Work sucks, but us broke college students need cash one way or another. What’s one thing that makes work less miserable? Hot co-workers, of course. The media often makes co-worker relationships seem natural. Love can bloom where you least expect it, according to The Proposal. And how about The Office, anyone? You may think you’re the next Jim and Pam, but things don’t always work out that way.

Canoodling with a co-worker can be risqué, or just plain risky. Let’s distinguish between the work settings.

Casual Summer Job:

Pro: When working somewhere low-pressure, such as a local ice cream shop, summer camp, diner, etc., you’re likely to bond with co-workers and are likely to want more than just a work relationship with one (or a few) of them. And it’s easy, since you can spend most of your time flirting and won’t get in trouble, because no one gives a shit about his or her work here.

Con: People often form tightly knit groups of friends at these easy, breezy summer jobs. When you date someone and things turn sour, you’re stuck with an awkward situation, ruining the group chemistry for everyone.

The verdict: Go for it. Maybe things will work out and you’ll get voted cutest couple at the convenience store. If not, remember these jobs come and go and chances are you won’t work at the same place next summer. Unless it’s one of those sleepaway camp cults—then you’ll end up cursing out your ex about his or her scheming, kniving ass around the children, sufficiently enough to get fired.

Internship:

Pro: You spend most of the day fetching coffee, making copies, and sorting mail. A cute fellow intern can brighten up even the worst of days, and your “coy” flirting at the morning meetings can make all the difference.

Con: Internships are competitive, and whoever you’re seeing could easily stab you in the back tomorrow to impress the boss.

The verdict: No matter how bad you want it, it’s best to resist this. Now is the time to make a good impression on your higher-ups, not fellow measly interns. Be the best damn coffee fetcher you can be. Once you’re actually making money and not just earning school credit or a stipend, you can try mixing business with pleasure.

“Real World” Job:

Pro: Just admit it, you’ve had a fantasy about doing some hot secretary on your desk in the office. Where else do you think the “CEO’s and Office Hoes” party theme came from? There’s something hot about a power couple that appear sophisticated and successful in the conference room, although they’re both thinking about the hot rendezvous they had in the supply closet during their last break.

Con: If you think you’re sticking at this place for a while, remember you’re stuck with this guy or girl too—for better or for worse. If it doesn’t work out, there’s literally no escaping them and you’ll dread work even more.

The verdict: Proceed with caution. If you’re just too horny to keep it in your pants from 9 to 5 (which I know many of you are), avoid prospects in your department and go for someone you won’t have to see ALL the time. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, anyway.

Warning: Unless you’re planning to make a living filing sexual harassment claims, stick to someone in a similar position level as yours. If they’re a step down or a step up in the company, it’ll do. But don’t get involved with anyone important enough to fire you. Because if they do, you’ll always be wondering if it was because you didn’t do your job well, or didn’t do well enough at your, uh, other daily tasks. We Jerks have enough wit, charm and sass to make it on our own—without screwing the boss.

Those of us who go to Syracuse University know that the weather can be nothing short of bipolar at times. The same seems to go for the weather here in London. Just two weeks ago it was beautiful and sunny, never dropping below 65 degrees. Things have changed this week, however, and now it’s raining and a bit chilly. So what should you do if you’re unsure what the weather is going to be like? Layer! You can always take off, but you can never add on if you’re out and about.

Above, you can see Krystina Toscas, a psychology major from Boulder University of Colorado, doing it in an effortless yet put together way. Toscas is wearing a darling and comfy cardigan from Nordstrom that hits right below her elbow. Knit cardigans are great because they aren’t too heavy but they provide just the right amount of warmth on a chilly day. You can also pair them with anything: dresses, jeans or a cute blouse.  Don’t let the weather deceive you again!

jcrew.com

SaksFifthAvenue.com

UrbanOutfitters.com

Owner of Boba Suite Tea House on Marshall Street, Glenda Nunez, spills to JERK about what she was like as a freshman and what we can expect to see from the teahouse in the future. She also gives us advice on how to survive the winter in Syracuse and shares her favorite drink in the house.

1. What is your favorite drink on the menu?

I go through phases, so my favorite right now is lychee apple nectar.

2. What’s your favorite food spot on Marshall Street?

It really depends on what I’m in the mood for, but my go to is definitely Oishi Sushi because we just kind of run over, Varsity Pizza if we have time to sit down, Jimmy John’s if we’re in a rush, and Bleu Monkey whenever we’re feeling special.

3. If you could change SU’s colors, what would you change them to?

I’d bring back the navy; bring back the navy with the orange. I like the orange because it’s unique and, honestly, off this campus I don’t really see it. I love orange, but I would definitely want to bring back the navy.

4. Can you tell us a little bit about the history of Boba Suite Tea House?

The previous owners were actually three students from SU and they opened it in August 2010, then I started working here last summer in July. I officially took over management on March 15, but we were still in the transition phases and I hadn’t signed any legal paper work so that was like a trial month. As of April 2011 I became the official owner and, as of yesterday, I paid the down payment, so it’s official.

5. How do you feel about Kim Kardashian?

I’m not into the whole reality TV thing.

6. What’s your best tip for dealing with Syracuse winters?

I think just enjoy them because I spent my first two years complaining about it and then my  third and  fourth year, I just stopped complaining and just enjoyed it. Bundle up and go for a walk.

7. What’s something people don’t know about you?

The past four years have been really rough on me. Just going into why the staff and I bonded so strongly against what these three owners have done is mostly because when I was in college, I was broke. My family and I had been just awful with the whole financial situation. During college, the way I explain it to people was I worked four jobs: one for tuition, one for my family, one for myself, and one for bills. I worked four jobs or more depending on the semester and what I could get. I actually own another business—it’s a florist shop. With that florist, I was kind of able to buy my freedom, and the purchase of this teahouse feels like it’s my baby. I guess what people don’t know about me is that I used to be homeless when I was very young and I don’t want the staff here or anyone to go through what I went through.

8. In one sentence, what do you do all day?

I multitask. I have to multi-task everything if I want to get done what I need to get done and still be able to have some free time.

9. What was your first job?

Sadler dining hall.

10. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

Travel around the world. It’s a big thing to check off, but I want to travel. I want to go back to Hong Kong. I studied abroad there in 2010.

11. Your go-to vending machine delicacy?

Probably a Pop-Tart.

12. Freshman year at SU, you were the kid who…

I kind of kept to myself. I was a little awkward. I was just kind of trying to find myself. I tried any and everything on this campus.

13. What can we look forward to at the Boba Suite Tea House?

I want people to look forward to the changes that we are going to make because, right now, we just do teas but I do want to add food to the menu. It’ll be something small, not like sit-down dinner—some pastries and bakery stuff. I want to expand to parfaits and yogurts with a wide variety of toppings. We just want to connect more with the campus. I want students to have a place to showcase their work and for kids to think of this place as a home base to chill. I want to create a more ‘homey’ feel. For long-term, we’re experimenting with a Boba late-night menu with like a Baileys mint chocolate chip milkshake.

Visit Boba Suite Tea House at  713 South Crouse Avenue  or call it an order at (315) 299-5084. 

guardian.co.uk

By Shea Garner

George Orwell wasn’t too far off with his classic novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. While his predictions about our technological advances may have been slightly off, his eye for government intrusion on private matters was more or less spot-on. With the looming threat of SOPA’s passage as well as other similar acts, the government’s wish to monitor our private lives is becoming more and more apparent.

I’ve been studying in London this semester and this issue seems especially prominent here in the UK. Pubs, Radiohead, and bad teeth aside, the United Kingdom has been the center of the debate in whether or not a government should be able to control social networking. After the London riots in August 2011, some government officials suggested keeping watch over social networks like Facebook and Twitter (both tools were used by “rioters” to spread information to the public). This only seemed to ignite the rage exhibited by many of the protestors both then and now.

As of April 2012, the BBC reports that new laws will allow the government to monitor the email and web usage of everyone in the UK. Big Brother is watching! Felonies have even increased since the government announced that the installation of cameras and other security devices would make crime almost impossible to get away with. This marks another step in Parliament’s hope to crack down on crime and terrorism in their country, but finds them slipping into Orwellian territory. The office states that their actions are justified to “maintain the continued availability of communications data as technology changes.”

What does this have to do with our great citizens back in the US of A? Get angry! The UK is more or less taking the steps that our government has already taken with the introduction of the Patriot Act in 2001. And SOPA will only continue to restrict what we are able to view and access on the Internet. Students in London have already expressed their dismay with this proposition, even going as far as threatening more rioting. What are we doing back in America? Call up your state’s senators and speak your mind so we can, indeed, stay “the land of the free.”

beandd.blogspot.com

She started out making costume jewelry with the bead kits many girls had when they were younger. Not knowing that she would pick the hobby up again years later, sophomore education major Brittney Rutigliano designs her own jewelry from semi-precious stones. She even stores them in her old bead kits.

Rutigliano, who runs her own jewelry company The Alyse Collection, says she searches the New York City fashion district to find the perfect stones for her collection. “I always say I’ll go there for one hour and I’ll get a couple of things and I’ll leave five hours later.”

She recalls a time she was in the city and saw a bracelet being sold for $150, similar to the ones now in her collection . Rutigliano said she looked at it and realized she could make a bracelet just like that and sell it for much less.

“They were saying like a lot of designers come to our stores to buy our things and they charge so much more,” Rutigliano said. “That’s kind of how I got into it and I realized I could do this myself and sell it at school and to the girls our age.”

Rutigliano uses an assortment of stones to make her jewelry. “I always pick something that’s a very vibrant color and I like that each stone has a type of pattern to it. I like the red tiger eye cause it’s just a beautiful color. They’re all natural, like it’s not like they’re dyed or anything,” she said.

A portion of the sales goes to charity, something Rutigliano says continued from when she made costume jewelry as a child.

“I would sell a bracelet for a dollar and donate it to my parents’ foundation when I was younger. I guess that’s my whole reasoning for why I like to donate a portion of the sales.”

The Alyse Collection is currently sold at J. Michaels on Marshall Street and a small boutique in Long Island. Rutigliano says that a couple girls at SU knew about her collection and recommended that she go and show her jewelry to J. Michael.

Rutigliano’s collection is a unique and trendy collection because she makes every piece custom. “I don’t like to repeat any same look, like the same charms with the same stone, because I want everyone to have a different bracelet.”

This summer Rutigliano says she is going to work on adding a vintage collection to her jewelry line with some charms from the 40s mixed with the semi-precious stones she uses for the rest of her collection.

“I would love to hopefully one day like kind of start a trend. Like a lot of girls will start wearing my jewelry and my collection will start being the hottest thing on campus.”

wrcbtv.com

Sunday 4/8

- Longtime CBS Correspondent Mike Wallace passed away at the age of 93. Wallace is best known for pioneering the 60 Minutes series.

- What would YOU do for an iPad? A teen in China takes the cake this week when he traded his own kidney for Apple products.

Monday 4/9

slashgear.com

- In tech news this week, Facebook bought out photo app Instagram for a whopping $1 Billion. Smile — they’re watching you!

- In random news you (don’t) need to know this week: a new survey reveals what state Americans hate the most: California. California nabbed the title from New Jersey, which has held the record for most hated state for 12 years running.

politicker.com

Tuesday 4/10

- Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum cashed in his chips and officially ended his campaign for President this week. After 14 months of fierce campaigning, Santorum finally realized that he’s a moron.

- The Miss Universe competition has officially ended its longtime ban on Transgendered contestants. Keep working those heels, girl.

Wednesday 4/11

frontiersla.com

- Betty White, the original ‘Bad Bitch,’ launched her official Twitter page this week, raking up over 100,000 followers overnight.

- Speaking of oldie but goodies, the lineup for Lollapalooza was announced this week and will feature acts like Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Black Keys, and Black Sabbath.

latimesblogs.com

Thursday 4/12

- This just in from the White House: President Obama still thinks Kanye is a “jack-ass,” but thinks Jay-Z is talented. Foreign policy followed by hip hop – all in a day’s work for the leader of the free world.

- J.K. Rowling’s first post-Potter novel has been given a release date. Fans can mark their calendars for September 27.

Friday 4/13

latimes.com

- Tensions around the world rise as North Korea launched a long-range missile, defying international guidelines.

- Former child star Amanda Bynes joined the ranks of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan this week, when she pled guilty to a DUI in a California Court. No Amanda, not you too!

Sometimes I dig it when a guy looks rugged and dirty, like he just got home from a sweaty workout or an hour-long bedroom sesh. It’s sexy when a man looks like, well, a man. But then, there’s just something about a guy in a suit, a button-down vest, or a skinny tie and suspenders that’s just so suave. And if a guy can pull this look off without looking like a dweeb or a rich prick, it’s just fucking sexy. Matthew Fennelly, a junior film major from New Jersey, has perfected this “class with a casual effort,” to the t. But girls, before you start chasing him down, see what he has to say about his slick sense of style.

Q: What got you to start dressing like this every day?

A: I guess, subconsciously, it started with my dad. He’s very successful at his job so I assume that seeing him wear suits every day—always wearing ties and nice shirts for work—it got me to appreciate the habit.  Unfortunately, I didn’t take part in the act until later in life. Fast forward to sophomore year at Syracuse; I realized I had a lot of dressy clothes in my closet that I wasn’t taking advantage of. I started wearing one or two classy outfits a week and then it kind of just morphed into a daily habit.

What motivates you to dress so dapper all the time?

I think it’s funny because there is this expression: “You grow up to be your parents.” And though I always resented my dad for telling me to dress up when I was younger, I now really respect how he dresses.  I’m also motivated to dress dapper every day out of paranoia for who I might run into in my daily activities. I want to “dress to impress,” so to speak. I also dress like this to be the best version of myself because I think someone’s presentation of himself or herself is a key step in that process.

What are some positive and negative reactions people have had to your newfound sense of style?

I guess one of the positives would be that every time I wear a tie, people notice. And who wouldn’t want to be noticed for great style? I once was talking to a female friend of mine who turned to her boyfriend and said, “Why can’t you dress like that? Look how good he looks!” Now for the negative: The only thing that comes up from dressing like this is that when people ask me why I’m dressed up for a normal day, I usually don’t have a good reason except that I simply felt like it. I just respond with a “What can I say, I’m a classy motherfucker.”

Describe the outfit you feel most confident in:

I don’t have a specific outfit because I define my style as very sporadic.  But I usually like an outfit that makes me feel like I’m right out of the movies or someone I aspire to be.  It ties back to being a film major, I guess, with the glitz and glamour of Hollywood in my mind.

Where do you typically shop?

I typically shop at the Gap, J. Crew, Macy’s, Lord & Taylor, and Banana Republic.

Who are some of your style icons?

Some of my style icons are Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, The Beatles, Johnny Cash, and James Dean

There are probably a million different ways to twist up your sheets and mess up your hair and makeup. By the time you’re 20 you’ve, hopefully, tried and tested quite a few sex styles. However, there are some classic styles that everyone simply must engage in and these are my top six.

Make-up Sex

You know what they say: never go to bed mad at someone. Instead of drenching your pillowcases with tears of anger and sadness after a big fight, soak your sheets with the sweat of a fantastic forgiveness fuck. The adrenaline you both worked up from the passionate expression of your opinions will have your heart rate up and ready to release that energy in an even better way. So the next time you and your boyfriend are arguing because he made some backhanded comment about you washing dishes being “good practice for the future,” remember it’s better to bang it out in bed than to promptly turn and chuck said dishes at his face.

Might-Get-Caught Sex

You know that moment when you’re in the basement of Bird Library, studying for your Anatomy final and you look across the table at your partner and suddenly think of a million better ways to study Anatomy than reading a textbook? Sometimes sex just needs to happen and it doesn’t care what your latitude and longitude is, it just wants to play. So, make an adventure out of it and sneak into a dressing room if you’re at the mall or hit the emergency stop button in the elevator for a quickie. Go find your own little piece of heaven in whatever public restroom you please. The potential to get caught will heighten your excitement.

 Shower Sex

You’re fully naked, soaking wet (pun intended), and soaped up and slippery from head to toe. Need I say more? If you’ve only steamed up the bathroom mirrors by turning up the hot water, then you’re seriously missing out.

Marathon Sex

This one requires some serious stamina, a good chunk of time, and maybe a few protein bars. Everyone loves a good Law and Order: SVU marathon, but a sex marathon might take the cake. If you ever get a full day to spend with your sweetie, free of all school, work, or life-in-general obligations, spend it in bed together. But don’t buy into that whole catching up on your sleep will help relieve stress and be a nice break from your daily routine. Just go at it. For hours and hours. I promise, your stress levels will never be lower, your endorphins will never be higher, and you’ll sleep like a baby when all is said, come, and done.

 Rough Sex

Or animalistic sex, if you will, is the sex that is free of all inhibitions. It’s the hair-pulling, hands around your neck, scratches on your back, harder, harder, harder sex that will leave you and your partner sweaty, panting, and definitely smiling next to each other when it’s over. It’s the sex I imagine Jack and Rose were having in the back of that buggy during that infamous moment Rose’s sweaty hands streaked down the fogged-up window.

Sensual Sex/Making Love

Since you’re probably sore from your wild and rough sex adventure yesterday, let’s slow things down tonight. Sensual, close, or romantic sex is that chest-to-chest, kisses on the collarbone and neck, deeper, deeper, deeper sex that, not only feels amazing, but also actually has some real emotion attached to it. Usually reserved for those annoying love birds who always hold hands and never fight, sensual sex is definitely the most intimate of them all and can give way to a feeling of closeness and comfort. It’s the deep conversation of the sexual world.

collegelifestyles.org

By Lauryn Botterman

Summer internship season is nearly upon us. In a few short weeks, college students around the nation will be doing daily coffee and dry-cleaning runs for their higher-ups (while also gaining valuable job experience). Whether you’re starting your third internship of the semester or have yet to put together a resume, it’s always wise to stay on the up-and-up when it comes to career opportunities. Though entering the grown-up world of networking, professional attire, and long workdays may seem daunting, these tips can get you started on the path to success.

Use Resources Wisely

“Having a career office on campus, it just baffles me why every student doesn’t use it,” says Mike Cahill, director of Career Services at Syracuse University. Regardless of where you’re at in the job-search process, Career Services can guide you in the right direction. If you’re looking to have your resume reviewed, want to practice your interview skills, or just need some leads on employment opportunities in your field, the career office is your go-to spot. The staff there can also assist you in working on the logistics of obtaining proper credit and faculty advising for internships. Landing a job might seem confusing and overwhelming, but Cahill explains that utilizing the resources at Career Services will allow you to take a shortcut through that process. “If you can cull off a few mistakes along the way, it’s well worth it,” he says.

You don’t have to go it alone! Stop by the career office in Schine during drop-in hours to meet with a counselor and get your questions answered.

Learn How to Play the Game

The path to finding the right internship is a learning experience in itself. But don’t be discouraged: “There are always opportunities available,” says Cahill. It’s a matter of finding something that best matches your aptitudes and interests. Cahill finds that students are often too focused on raking up as many internships as possible instead of considering quality vs. quantity. “They don’t put enough thought into the groundwork of, ‘what would be the best internship for me that would progress me along in my career?’” he says.

So take it slow. Do your research before you dive into the frenzy of fledgling professionals eager to boost their resumes. And when you do find an opportunity, take advantage. Cahill advises students to define clear learning objectives with employers before starting any job. Interns must be proactive in ensuring that they get the most out of their experience. 

It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know

Networking is the magic word here. Even the best resumes won’t make it to the top of the pile if they don’t wind up in the right hands. Your professors are a great starting point for getting your foot in the door. They often have connections to industry insiders and may be able to send along references or recommendations. Make it a point to get to know professors in your major and seek out their advice.

Social media is now an indispensible tool for job hunters. Set up an account on the world’s largest professional network— LinkedIn—and start making connections with peers and employers in your anticipated career field. Also remember to adjust the privacy settings on your personal tweets and profile. You will be Googled, and you don’t want last weekend’s sloppy drunk pictures to ruin your chances of landing your dream job.

Explore Your Options 

If you’ve put off making your resume or haven’t been able to pull your shit together just yet, there are still other options. Cahill says that for underclassmen, a good old summer job at a local business or camp is still a fine alternative. Many students can’t afford to spend a whole summer working at an unpaid internship. In that case, Cahill suggests looking for an internship that requires attendance for only one or two days per week and then working a part-time job to save up some money.

Freshmen might also have trouble finding a summer internship, as many employers only hire students with at least sophomore standing. Cahill’s advice for first-year students is to “spend a summer doing the exploration process”—make connections with professionals and ask if job shadowing is an option. Offer to volunteer at company events and interview

employees about their responsibilities. “Doing these things can help you get a foundation together that can prepare you for an internship in the next year,” says Cahill.

For seniors who are still searching for a job after graduation, the key to success may be re-strategizing your approach. Cahill explains: “What you really need to do is to get a better understanding of ‘what is it that I have to offer in this job market? Where are the places out there in the job market where what I have to offer is most valued, could be best used, and what am I most interested in?’” Don’t get caught up in the minutiae of titles or company prestige. An entry-level job may not always be ideal or glamorous, but it’s an important step towards moving up the corporate ladder.

Cahill constantly reminds students that it’s crucial to maintain a positive outlook: “If you can learn how to manage the job-search process, you’ll really maximize your chances of getting something that is going to start you a little further down the road in your career development.”

ARIST OF THE YEAR: TY MARSHALL

Ty Marshal, the Tech Garden’s curator and first artist in residence (no, he doesn’t actually live there), has been busy exploring and creating art in Syracuse. He’s dabbled in a little bit of everything, most recently working on the Cardiff Giant, Salon: Strictly Local, and Patently Syracuse. Jerk and Marshal play a quick game of word association.

Artist: People not striving to be normal, but people striving to be themselves.

Syracuse: A vibrant city on the cusp of revitalization. A place of renaissance.

Revitalization: Making that which is old new again. Activating culture. Brightening spirits.

Pink Clouds: Objects, illustrations, sculptures. It’s a series that I used to focus myself and my art. For one year that’s all I did—pink cloud art. Even if I wanted to draw a flower, I didn’t. I just drew, or painted, or sculpted, or applied pink clouds to objects.

Cardiff Giant: A recreation of the greatest hoax in U.S. history. It’s Central New York’s very own monster. When I say that, I’m talking about Syracuse’s own Lock Ness or Roswell. We have a 10-foot tall stone man.

BUSINESS OWNER OF THE YEAR: JAN MALOFF

Jan Maloff, owner of Consuela’s West Side Taqueria and BBQ, opened shop in December to give Syracuse’s Westside a community gathering space which serves food germane to the cultures of the area. Consuela’s fuses Mexican, Cuban, and Puerto Rican cuisine to create a menu that will have your mouth watering. Jerk talks to head chef, Jamie Osorio, to get the inside scoop.

What’s something unique about Consuela’s?

Well, you can’t miss this place! It’s so brightly colored.

I know you’re the chef but—how’s the food?

You see people coming back again and again, which is a good thing. It means we’re cooking good.

Do you think that this type of place was a good fit for the West Side?

Around here, there was nothing. Everything used to be bars. Now, it’s great for the neighborhood to have this type of food.

WRITER OF THE YEAR: JEROME MARK ANTIL

Growing up in Cortland, N.Y., Jerome Mark Antil created memories that would become his daughter’s favorite bedtime stories, and eventually, the basis for his recently published novel, The Pompey Hollow Book Club.

What’s your novel about?

My book is about kids who were born in 1941, just as the war started, who became a little bit older and wiser than they should have.

What made you decide to donate a copy of your book to middle and high school libraries?

I want to get kids to write. I think that teachers often do it wrong. They teach reading and writing. They should teach storytelling! Saying “you’ve got to get the right periods and commas in there” is enough to scare anybody away from the whole concept of writing. The book is a whole bunch of stories that I wove together into a novel. I think the kids will like it.

STORY TELLER OF THE YEAR: STEVE PARKS

Steve Parks knows the power of the pen, especially when it comes to community activism. Working with the Gifford Street Community Press members Richard Vallejo, Isaac Rothwell, Mother Earth, Susan Hamilton, Gary Bonaparte, and fellow professors in the writing and rhetoric program, Parks empowers Syracuse’s Westside with publications like Home: Journeys to the Westside. Here, Parks shares his motivations for joining up with the community press.

I thought I understood what the Westside was going through because it harkened back to what I experienced growing up. I grew up in Pittsburgh when the steel mills were closing, and I saw communities flat-out struggling. So I had a great affinity for them. And that coupled with the writing program resources, enabled me to become involved in projects that helped the community rearticulate its future. Community publishing is one tactic that members can use to ensure that their voices are heard, and that their rights are realized.

EDITORS OF THE YEAR: CHRISTIONA HAWKINS AND CORINNE HALPERN

Founder Christiona Hawkins tells Jerk about local literary magazine MESH.

I never thought that MESH (Merging Expression and Scholarships through High Schools) would become what it is now. In summer 2009, I had a dream to create a magazine at SU that would benefit the community. After three semesters of planning and rearranging, it evolved into a program that connects Syracuse University students to local high school and middle school students through a magazine and weekly poetry workshops.

One of the students with us since day one is coeditor Corinne Halpern. I don’t remember how we encountered each other; I just know that the result was greatness! Without the input of Corinne, other graphic designers, public relations gurus, fantastic literature reviewers, and passionate workshoppers, neither our first issue nor the workshop program ever would have happened

PROGRAM OF THE YEAR: UPSTATE

Upstate is a TV show that depicts the life of an upstate New Yorker. Jerk discusses Upstate with its writer Tom Seeley.

On writing Upstate: I’ve written a lot of half hour shows. It’s just a matter of sitting down, figuring out the story you want to tell. Sit with the characters long enough, you get to know them. Hopefully, they’ll tell you the story, and you don’t have to.

On the Upstate New Yorker: The Upstate New Yorker is a guy who grew up in Syracuse, in Eastwood. This is his town. He loves it. He’s not about to move to North Carolina or Florida to get a job down there. He’s worked at a factory that all of a sudden announced that the jobs are moving overseas, and he and 1,200 other people are out of work. What do you do? I didn’t have that answer. I thought, “This is an interesting dilemma. How can I make it funny?” Upstate is a comedy for the 99 percent.

PHILANTHROPIST OF THE YEAR: HELENE KAHN

Syracuse University’s first-ever philanthropy class donated $5,000 to Vera House thanks to help from Helene Kahn, an SU alumna who established the class to teach students the importance of philanthropy while providing the skills for community development. Jerk spent some time letting Kahn finish our sentences.

Philanthropy means leadership through giving. You give your time, talent, or treasure, and you hope others will follow in your footsteps.

Sometimes it’s almost easier to raise money than it is to give it away. If I had $5,000 to give away to any cause, I’d give it to an educational organization like Say Yes, Room to Read, Literacy Corps, or Teach for America.

The foundation of our world is education. The focus on transforming our world needs to start with the education of our children.

The best thing you can give is your devotion.

HERO OF THE YEAR: ADRIAN JONES

Adrian Jones had no idea that grabbing a ride from his friend Landice Reddish in January would bring him city-wide recognition. While Reddish stopped at her house to make a phone call, Jones was waiting in the car with Reddish’s three children when a man in a hooded sweatshirt approached the car. Call it instinct or fat, but Jones immediately crouched down and shielded 3-year-old Adorable Reddish, just as bullets flew through a window. Though he himself took bullets to the chest and neck, Jones survived and lived to say he saved a life.

ENVIRONMENTALIST OF THE YEAR: FRANK CETERA

As co-founder and board president of the Alchemical Nursery, a local non-profit dedicated to environmental sustainability and permaculture, Frank Cetera spearheaded the creation of a community snack garden on the South Side, which the USDA named a “food desert”. In this as-told-to, Jerk gets the dirt on Cetera’s from his partner-in-tree-hugging and girlfriend of more than two years, Ursula Rozum.

Frank sees nothing and wants to make it something. He wants to change the planet—as corny as that sounds. He wants to make the city more ecologically-diverse and resilient. That’s why we both hate naked lawns. There are so many different kinds of plants that can grow on a lawn, but people instead want ecological deserts in front of their houses. It’s creepy. So when Magda [Bayoumi] told me about the under-used land next to the Rahma Free Health Clinic, I introduced her to Frank. I totally take creditfor the snack garden.

REVITALIZER OF THE YEAR: BEN SIO

Ben Sio works tirelessly to revitalize Syracuse and its surrounding communities. As director of Sustainable Infrastructure & Policy Development at Centerstate CEO (Corporation for Economic Opportunity) and manager at the urban development organization 40 Below, this Skaneateles native spends each day making his hometown a better place to live.

The goal of 40 Below is to connect, empower, and engage young professionals and students with the community. Getting young people involved in projects helps make our community a better place, and they’ll hopefully become more interested in the community and want to stay here. It’s about connecting young people’s energy to engaging opportunity in the community, and by doing so they can find jobs, a place to live. I even know five or six people who have found their husbands and wives through the program.

I want Syracuse to become the easiest and most recognizable place for young people to move to, and do whatever they want to do.

verysmartbrothas.com

By Julia Fuino

Have you ever heard someone say, “My ex cheated on me” and thought, “I wonder what he or she did exactly?” Whether or not it is a person’s intention to cheat on the one they claim to love, it seems like the word “cheat” can be thrown around for the most innocent of things, like texting someone else, or even casual flirting.

Cheating, as defined by Webster’s Dictionary, means “to violate rules and regulations of a relationship” or “to be sexually unfaithful.” Being sexually unfaithful is a pretty straightforward indicator of cheating, but “rules and regulations” can be a huge gray area in most relationships. This likely varies from couple to couple, or even from the perspectives of men and women.

Out of the 20 students I surveyed—12 female and eight male—75 percent felt that women throw the word “cheat” around more than men. The majority of women said that men and women could just be friends but men, however, felt differently, saying that such a relationship couldn’t exist. When it came to defining “cheating”, many women said that anything sneaky like grinding while dancing, hanging out alone, exchanging numbers, or any sexual act, were the first things they thought of. Men’s answers were much narrower, with anything physical or even spending more time with someone other than their partner considered to be cheating.

Kyrie Kirn, like most responders to my survey, agreed that men and women think of cheating differently. “I definitely think guys and girls have different definitions of cheating. I think girls are more likely to say “talking” to someone else, or anything involving emotions is cheating; whereas, guys will think that cheating has to just be something physical,” she said.

Of the two male students I spoke to, both talked about how they barely see romantic couples on campus and, thus, wondered, “How could a person cheat without being in a relationship?”

If you’re a student at SU, you’re probably aware of how small the population of romantic couples is. It seems these days that students have done away with the old method of courtship and chivalry and instead are choosing to cut straight to the chase, even if that means the act is meaningless. It’s almost second nature to have a casual relationship instead of a romantic one.

Carol Faulkner, professor of the History of American Sexuality, agrees that students these days are much more casual with their sex lives than students in the past. “Today, I do think that college students are much more casual, maybe even experimental, about dating and sexuality. In this environment, I think it is harder to say what constitutes cheating. How can you cheat if you are not ‘going steady’ with someone?” she said. “But I don’t think the ‘hook up’ culture is necessarily bad. In part, it shows that women don’t feel social pressure to have a steady boyfriend and, perhaps, don’t feel their reputations are harmed by casually dating or hooking up with different men.”

My question is: Does the ‘hook-up culture’ affect our perceptions of what cheating is once we do get into a relationship, regardless of whether we’re male or female?

SU is full of people who are career-oriented and driven first and foremost by landing their dream jobs and settling first for themselves, rather than having to follow a partner. And there’s nothing wrong with that! In fact, it’s liberating. But with just these goals in mind, it’s easy to get caught up in flings and casual hook ups in college, which makes the lines of cheating even blurrier once a person does eventually find themselves in a relationship.

It’s important to know your own definition of cheating and to properly define the rules and regulations of the relationship you choose to have with someone. Know where you draw the line and where you don’t. The last thing you want to do is have that gray area you never talked about get you caught in a sticky situation.

Sheer blouses have been popular for the past couple of years, but like Kelly, I have noticed that this season has seen an influx of them. Stores in Europe, such as Marks & Spencer, H&M, and Topshop, have been carrying large amounts of these types of stylish shirts. And who can blame them? Sheer blouses are a great staple to have in anyone’s spring or summer wardrobe. With the warmer months approaching, comfort and style are essential for all us fashionistas out there.

The great thing about sheer shirts is that they are lightweight, repel sweat, and come in a variety of different colors as well as patterns. Plus, they are versatile and can be worn with either jeans, trousers, skirts or leggings. Don’t feel comfortable wearing a sheer shirt alone? Try wearing a cute lacy camisole underneath or, if you’re feeling adventurous, add some spunk with a funky bandeau top. Sheer shirts can also be used as a cover up for the beach over a cute bikini. Whatever you decide to wear your sheer shirt or blouses with, just know that you will be able to mix and match with ease.

topshop.com

American Apparel

Forever 21

Art students are quirky to say the least. They typically have very unique personalities,and, more noticeably, rather unique fashion senses. You can find painting students wearing nothing but sweats as they slave over their canvases for hours at a time, simply not giving a rat’s ass about their personal appearance, while theater students wear what seems to be the result of a flea market binge.

But if you look at all of the somewhat questionable fashion choices amongst art students, you can find people who are some of the most fashionable kids at Syracuse. And it’s not because of the money they have to spend on an expensive, fashion-forward wardrobe, but rather because they own their sense of style, they embrace what they have, and make fashion fun at the same time. Maggie Reilly, a junior photography major from New Jersey, owns her style—an effortlessly cool vibe mixed with a little bit of “I don’t give a fuck.”

Q: How do you define your sense of style?

A: I’m not really sure how to define my style. Some days I can look moderately girly, but other days my friends say that I dress like a boy. I was considered a “scenester” in high school, but even then I had a unique twist to my style. I could never afford that high-end hipster bullshit from Urban Outfitters or American Apparel. I like to be comfortable, so I can care less where I find clothing. I also just like to stand out in small ways, whether it’s with my bullet belt, my octopus necklace, or my double nostril nose piercings. I don’t put much thought in my style, which is why I think it works so well. I have four-hour long classes (sometimes twice a day), I never go above and beyond with my fashion choices. Less is more. Simple as that.

What do you feel most comfortable in?

Hoodies are definitely what I feel most comfortable in, but the mocs and socks combo is truly where it’s at. I haven’t had my socks match since I starting doing my own laundry in seventh grade. My laziness kind of formed the mismatched socks into an important part of my personal style.

What do you wear when you’re slaving over your projects?

Whatever is already damaged. I wear the same ol’ torn up jeans with ink stains all over them whenever I’m in the ComArt Building. I swear the people there think I only own one pair of pants—as if they care (laughs). I figured if I ruined one pair, then they’d be my go-to bottoms, especially if I am working on something that could get messy. I am not a very neat person at all, so mess is inevitable. I cannot count the amount of T-shirts I have ruined thanks to being careless with printmaking ink and photo fixer.

What’s the quirkiest thing you’ve ever worn?

Well just last week when the weather was beyond amazing, I was playing corn-hole on FIJI’s front lawn wearing my giraffe print underwear. They’re booty shorts, so I wasn’t really sluttin’ it up in any way (laughs). But the quirkiest thing? I’d say the suspenders I’ve been wearing make me look pretty quirky. People probably think I look like a toolbag, but, honestly, I need them to keep my ass crack out of everyone’s view every time I bend over in the studio. I’ve tried belts but they don’t help as much as suspenders. I love the nerd style, man. It looks good and there’s a solid function, which is always a plus!

Tell us about your hair…

In high school I had extremely short hair, almost like a pixie cut. I dyed it black and added a new neon color every month. Because of the constant bleaching and dying process, my hair began to get super damaged. I didn’t touch it for a while and decided to let my natural auburn hair color grow back in, which I’m really not that psyched about. This semester I have been super overwhelmed with academic and personal responsibilities. I was exhausted from not having everything go my way, so I decided to take charge of something. One night I just stopped doing work and put bleach on random chunks of hair. The next night I dyed the chunks purple. My goal wasn’t to seek attention with the bright color, but to make a slight change in order for me to feel in control again. My mom always told my dad when he grunted about my hair color, “It’s just hair. It grows. It gets cut.” It is just hair, so I am already itchin’ to dye it another color. I may resist, though.

What inspires your style?

Honestly, I’m an artist—everything inspires me. I’m not exactly sure what specifically inspires my personal style, though. There’s so much that I pick up or create for myself. So I guess my personality inspires my style; I don’t know. I am a part of so many things. My style is a big pile of Jersey-nerd-artist-BAMF-hipster-stoner bullshit. I just wear what I want; I don’t really care.

You might recognize her as the girl with funky hair, tattoos, and buttons who works in the art supply section at the SU Bookstore, but Larissa Deyneka has much more to offer than her unique sense of style. Deyneka talks to JERK about her unfounded dislike for actor Shia Labeouf and tells us what’s on the top of her bucket list.

1.    Name, Age, Occupation.

Larissa Christina Deyneka, I’ll admit, I’m 35 and I work for the Syracuse University bookstore.

2.    How long have you been working at the bookstore?

Close to 10 years.

3.    Has anything super exciting ever happened in the bookstore?

Not particularly within the bookstore. The bookstore is pretty much a self-contained little unit of family measure kind of thing so, for the most part, we’re pretty much on the same page. But on campus definitely! If it’s not one thing, it’s another and today is the zombie chase so that’s pretty exciting.

4.    In one sentence, what do you do all day?

I sell art supplies and give an awful lot of advice. I’m the answer girl, and that’s generally what I do all day.

5.    Can you tell us a little about your change of hair color and what inspires it?

Well, I’m a natural blonde. I think that from high school to college I was a red head, like a real red head. I went shock red like Columbia from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then I bleached it all out just a couple of months ago, strangely enough, so I’ve been red for quite a few years. I started changing and putting the colors in after I went to London one time. I got my hair done and essentially the hair dresser just put a little shock of pink and it was all over from there.

6.    What’s something people don’t know about you?

My life is pretty much an open book. I feel like I wear tattoos, and crazy hair colors, and T-shirts from bands and I have buttons everywhere so everyone kind of knows that, but something that they don’t know about me? I wanted to marry French Stewart from 3^rd Rock from the Sun when I was younger. He’s an obsession of mine.

7.    What is at the top of your bucket list?



Oh, I have the best answer ever for this. But, for me, my bucket list is more like a “things I would do if I knew this was my last day on Earth” almost,(laughs), Or at least that’s how I treat it, which is not the right answer, but I want to be wearing a desiccated wedding dress with a gold lame sash that says “Spinster for Life,” and I want to jump off the Empire State building while screaming, “I regret nothing!” or, perhaps, “Somebody feed my cats!” A girl’s got to have options.

8.    If you could be reincarnated as someone dead or alive, who would it be and why?

From the past I feel like women had it hard, so there’s a lot of things I don’t want to relive per say with that stuff, but if you could be reincarnated into Dorothy Parker’s wit, perhaps, that would be kind of amazing. But for like a day if I wanted to be someone, I’d go with David Bowie. He’s still the thin, white dude for me and he’s still kind of like a God. Him or Mick Jagger! I’m not sure.

9.    If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy?

The first thing I would do is pay off my debt, my friends’ debt, my parent’s debt, and everything after that would be buying a place somewhere outside of the country. I’m not sure where, but I’m feeling Italy right now.

10. Worst pet peeve?

I hate it when I’m watching a commercial and someone doesn’t take a real bite out of the food they’re trying to sell me. It’s a simple, small detail but it bugs me. It’s like, “Who are you fooling? You’re not fooling me!”

11. What celebrity would you love to punch in the face?


Oh God, Shia Labeouf. I can’t stand him. Have you ever had an irrational hatred for someone? You just look at them and think, “I really just hate your face.” I really just can’t stand him, so that’s my answer.

syracusesocial.com

Basketball season may be over, but come next year, coordinating chants won’t require pieces of paper being flaunted around the student section.

Doug Crescenzi, a Ph.D. student in the School of Information Studies, has created Crowd Rouser, an app that synchronizes chants. The screen displays a countdown to the chant as well as when each syllable should be yelled.

Last year in Washington DC, Crescenzi was training for a marathon. With a lot of time to think during the run, the idea for Crowd Rouser swept into his mind. “When I would go for other runs I kept thinking about it. But I never talked to anybody about it. I was scared. I thought everyone would think it was a dumb idea,” he said.

In August 2011 Matt Smith, an environmental engineer and friend of Crescenzi’s, decided he wanted to get into mobile development when Crescenzi told him about an idea he’d been playing around with. “We just sat there and didn’t get around to it until Christmas time. We came to realize well, ‘shit this might actually be a good idea’,” Crescenzi said.

Between schoolwork and trying to start a company, Crescenzi realized he had too much on his plate and decided to take a semester off from school to focus on developing Crowd Rouser. “It was kind of scary thinking I might let people down. It was a sense of ‘Am I crazy? Am I really doing this?’ Making that initial decision was really hard,” he said.

When the first Syracuse home football game comes around, Crescenzi is hoping for a polished product. “I think that first home football game is really going to be the time see whether this thing really works or not.”

Each smartphone with the app, within the designated radius, will vibrate when a chant is coming. Right now fans are unable to make the chants, but Crescenzi said feedback on chants is welcome because he doesn’t want the athletic department controlling the chants.

“I’d rather students fuel it as opposed to the athletic department telling me what chants to facilitate. Cause then it’s boring. Then it’s the same thing as the stupid cheerleaders.”

The first version of the app should be ready within the next few weeks, but because the app is not as appealing without a sporting event, Crescenzi plans on holding Skype demos to explain what else the app can do.

In the future, Crescenzi said Crowd Rouser will have a more social aspect. People will be able to log into their account and make chants, then other people can vote for which one they like best. The highest voted chants are the ones that will get yelled during the game. Students will even be able to compete with other schools to see who pulls off the best chant.

“When you’re a sports fan, everyone is so determined to prove they are the better fan. I had friends at Penn State; we’d go back and forth when we were undergrads. ‘Penn State is garbage. Syracuse is garbage.’ And we talked about the atmosphere of the games,” Crescenzi said. “What if you could videotape badass chants you pull off at games and share it online?”

With Crowd Rouser Crescenzi is determined to create a creative environment where fans can battle with chants. “I’m thrilled at how much I’m learning. It’s crazy. I’m nervous that the thing will tank and no one will want it. But that is something I can live with. The gains I’ve made from learning in the last couple of months totally outweigh massive colossal failure.”

droid-life.com

By Drew Muller

Once a photo has been snapped, the process of capturing an image of beauty doesn’t stop there. It must be doctored until reality merges with dreams, color becomes a relative term and everyone—and I mean everyone—becomes an artist. Welcome, my friends, to Instagram.

But Instagram needs no introduction. Since its launch in Apple’s App store in October 2010, the free photo sharing application has been wildly successful, eclipsing one million registered users by December and reaching 150 million by August 2011. It’s obvious people can’t resist the appeal of applying a digital filter to the pictures they take on their smart phones and sharing them with the world on all of the major social media platforms, including Instagram’s own.

Until recently, though, those without an iPhone were forced to wait in the wings, relegated to taking pictures with their high-caliber smart phone cameras, and alas, not being able to make them into hopelessly cliché pieces of self-promotion. Instagram was previously available for the iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch running iOS 3.1.2 or above, but the app no longer discriminates and has hopped over to Android camera phones. It can be found in Google Play, and according to Complex.com, it took less than 24 hours for one million users to sign up.

This begs the question what other apps are hindering their success by limiting themselves to Apple products? Snobby iPhone users may not appreciate the arrival of Instagram for Android, but they still have some exclusive apps to brag about.

Flipboard: Originally designed in 2010 solely for the iPad, this newsreader app made its way to the iPhone last year. The app collects the content of social media and other websites and displays it in a magazine format so users can “flip” through their various feeds in a centralized location. It’s a great tool for social media addicts who now no longer have to peruse through different platforms.

Pinterest: After we all stopped going to summer camp when we were 13, who knew making collages would be the latest and greatest trend? That’s essentially the appeal of Pinterest, the photo-sharing website that allows users to “pin” photos, videos and links to their own virtual bulletin board of favorite things. It can be accessed via the Web, but for now the mobile app is only available for the iPhone.

Jetpack Joyride: Android users finally got their hands on the extremely popular Temple Run game, but they’re unable to waste even more time with Jetpack Joyride. Players zoom through a laboratory, collecting coins and avoiding obstacles, and before they know it five and a half hours have passed. Oops.

designcollector.net

By Shea Garner

I remember flipping through the pages of The Berenstain Bears as a child (RIP Stan and Jan) and physically admiring the pairing of art and word on each page. Today, even the most juvenile works of art can be viewed on a tablet device. In a world where everything has gone digital, nothing holds sacred like the pen and paper. Illustrators, painters, and sketchers alike have stood by and watched the work of authors and journalists slowly make its way to the iPad and Kindle. Now, with the debut of the new iPad app “Paper,” it looks like their world is changing too.

 FiftyThree, a development company that works on digital drawing programs for various tablet devices, has recently released this free app to near universal praise. The gorgeous interface, paired with the new iPad’s retina display, allows the user to create various sketchbooks, easels, and canvases as platforms for their digital work. Flipping through your work is simple and stylish, and quick tapping, swiping, and pinching gestures allow for easy navigation throughout the application.

Paper provides you with a pen as your initial drawing tool, but pencils, markers, and paintbrushes cost an additional $1.99. For what it’s worth, the fact that Paper is even partially free is a benefit to iPad owners everywhere. So whether you are a beginner just sketching for fun or an advanced artist using watercolors to replicate a mural in Schaffer, Paper makes it sleek and simple.

But where does this leave us in a digital world? Would Jack’s pencil sketch of Rose’s wild ginger mane and ample breasts have been nearly as romantic if sketched on the lovely iPad? The answer is no. Just like the old-fashioned authors who stick to their typewriters and journals for their first draft, the true artist will stick to the canvas for their proudest work. However, there is no denying that Paper will make for some good fun on the average Otto’s iPad.

2006-Present

Cause of Death: Urban Outfitters

Illustration by Jack McGowan

By Lenah Hassaballah

America’s stereotype of Muslims is clear:
scary looking Arab terrorists who walk
around screaming “Allah” in every other
sentence. And oh yeah, they may blow
something up at any given moment. If you
believe that, this one’s for you.
Before we go any further, let’s first
address the elephant in the room—
terrorism. Thanks to 9/11, Americans most
closely associate this term with turbanedmen on airplanes, a prejudice that has opened the door for unfair stereotyping here at home. Muslims really are Americans, but sadly, many closed-minded people see them solely as an unwanted threat.
Back in 2003, the New York Police
Department began showing a film called
“The Third Jihad’’ to its officers in training.
The film conveys only the threat of “radical Islam.” But with its suspenseful music and image of the Muslim brotherhood flag flapping dramatically in front of the White House, the piece argues that all Muslims want to take over the U.S. with their “terrorist” religion.

Propaganda like “The Third Jihad” only further complicates acceptance for post-9/11 Muslim Americans. Author Mustafa Bayoumi writes of this in his 2008 novel How Does It Feel to Be a Problem?: Being Young and Arab in America. In one particularly jarring section, Bayoumi tells of the NYPD dragging a Syrian family out of their New York City home in the middle of the night because of their suspected involvement in terrorist activity. Did I mention the family included three young children? Ultimately, the suspicions proved false, based on nothing more than an inaccurate hunch, possibly formed with “The Third Jihad” in mind.

Let’s remember—America is home to many Muslim Americans, and they interact with this country just like every other citizen. They bust their asses out work, get degrees, and, at the end of the day, put food on the
table. So, think carefully before you jump to conclusions about someone of another ethnicity or faith, because believe me, you
do not want to feel the wrath of an angry Muslim wife or mother—that’s the worst terror of them all.

MEMBERS: Tucker Dhalke: bass, vocals; Phil Grajko: guitar, vocals; Josh Williams: drums, vocals

ACTIVE SINCE: 2008

SOUND: Bongo-heavy acoustic reggae, and never without a catchy rhythm. Joy Telepathy Project is all about the good vibes.

usatoday.com

Sunday 4/1

- The world’s largest-ever lottery jackpot had three lucky winners and a million mega losers after the numbers were announced. The three winners each earned about $230 million of the original $640 million mega-jackpot.

- Penny for your thoughts, eh? Canadian Finance Minister Jim Flaherty announced that the country will scrap the penny as part of its official currency.

Monday 4/2

cnn.com

- The apple of our eye: Ashton Kutcher has signed on to play computer icon Steve Jobs in a new biopic about the former Apple CEO and Co-Founder’s life.

- First Lady Michelle Obama rolled up to Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Awards in black leather pants, promptly landing her on the list of fashion Don’ts. Fashion faux pas at the Kid’s Choice Awards – there’s really no coming back from that…

nydailynews.com

Tuesday 4/3

- Everyone’s favorite baby-daddy Levi Johnston has gotten another girl pregnant out of wedlock. The wannabe model says he is “very excited” to start a family…again.

- Speaking of the Palin’s, former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin has signed on to join the team of “The Today Show,” pitting Palin vs. long-time pal Katie Couric in the ratings. Grab your popcorn – this is gonna be good!

Wednesday 4/4

bing.com

- In news you really don’t need to know: actress Emily Blunt confessed that she has a phobia of shaving her pubic hair, claiming the very sight of it brings her to tears. We can’t tell if she’s serious or not…

- He’s the fantasy of every woman in America, but Ryan Gosling turned out to be a real-life superhero when he saved a woman from being hit by traffic in New York City. Conclusion: walk into oncoming traffic if you want a celebrity to notice you?

justjared.com

Thursday 4/5

- A waitress in Minnesota had her $12,000 tip promptly confiscated by police who claimed it was drug money. The waitress filed a lawsuit against the state, claiming that she received the tip for her “outstanding services.”

- Bad boy Kanye West dropped a new single, Theraflu, in which he professed his love for Kim Kardashian. The two are now rumored to be dating and we can’t help but roll our eyes.

Friday 4/6

pcmag.com

- UK’s Sky News formally admitted to hacking into the emails of public citizens on two occasions. Calling the hacking “justified and in the public interest,” the news giant stood by its actions. Everyone likes a rebel…

- Here’s the kicker, folks: One of those lucky three mega millions winners told reporters that she “misplaced” her golden ticket sometime over the course of the week. Talk about a bad day…

telefonica.com

One day they’re your favorite person. The next, you can’t stand them. On and off relationships are common, but exhausting. Your Facebook friends can’t handle your constantly changing relationship status. Your roommates can’t handle your nonstop bitching. You feel that at any moment you may crack from the stress over the uncertainty of your relationship.

Truth is, if it didn’t work out for round two, round three won’t be any different. People involved in the vicious make up/break up cycle are never happy, no matter how good the make up sex is time after time.

Cosmopolitan Magazine recently reported on a study that shows conflict in a relationship usually remains constant over time. If you argue a lot now, there’s good chance you will still be arguing later. A couple needs good chemistry, and even if you’ve dated for six months, a year, or three years, you may never find it. Your clash of personalities won’t simply disappear over time.

“I was in an on and off relationship, and after a while we just gave up because the fighting never stopped,” said Chris Sarling, a freshman in the Whitman School of Management and the School of Information Studies.

Once a couple breaks up once or twice, the relationship is not the same anymore. You may first feel excitement upon reuniting, but the same problems will quickly resurface. People say, “I’ll change,” but anyone who has been involved in this cycle knows change is just a fantasy.

In addition, it’s not so easy to erase the hurtful things that were said or the revenge enacted after the last breakup. He likely won’t forget when you hacked into his Facebook and changed his info to “interested in men,” and she definitely won’t get over that girl you brought back from the bar last Tuesday. Issues from the last break up will likely get brought back into the next phase of the relationship, and squabbling just isn’t sexy.

It’s amazing how quickly people forgive their exes after being so furious at them just days earlier. It’s hard to keep your dignity intact when you spend weeks on end talking shit about your guy for dumping you in a text, cheating on you, etc., and then you run back into his arms soon after. Honestly, it’s pathetic, but I’m not blaming you. We’ve all fallen victim to the draw of comfort and familiarity in our exes. I understand, and I want to help you.

First, realize you’re stuck in a rut, restricting yourself from actual happiness with a potential new person. It’s time to respect yourself and acknowledge you deserve better. “When it gets to the point you are more upset than you are happy, you should reevaluate the relationship and probably end it,” said Nicole Battafarano, a sophomore magazine journalism major. “It’s not good for you overall.”

The best way to get out of the on and off relationship cycle is to make a clean break. Realize you cannot revert to being “friends” immediately; you need some time apart. Cut off communication, quit your Facebook stalking, and please, resist the booty call from him or her in the weeks following the breakup. After some time, you can hopefully see this person as just a friend, not your immediate back-up plan.

It may be tough, but remember that there is a reason they are your ex, after all. It is up to you to step off this emotional roller coaster and start spending your precious time and energy on better things and better people. Like Jay-Z says, “On to the next one.”

Useless Landscape or a Guide for Boys   |   By D.A. Powell

About two centuries ago, a writer from New York City visited a banker in a cold, mucky town full of drunks and taverns. He traveled 60 miles by boat up a crude, water-filled ditch. The boat docked at Hanover Square, or as some called it, “Hangover Square.” The writer stepped off the boat, into the mud, and looked around at the tree stumps and shacks that surrounded him.

“You call this a village?” the writer asked the banker. “It would make an owl weep to fly over it.”

“Never mind,” said the banker. “You will live to see it a city yet.”

Twenty years later the writer returned to that village, now officially named Syracuse, by way of the Erie Canal. He stepped off the boat and onto the paved street, and gawked in every direction at the “splendid hotels, rows of massive buildings, and the lofty spires of churches glittering in the sun,” he later wrote. “A city it now is…thronged with people full of life and activity.

This transformation came from the banker, Joshua Forman, who pushed for the Erie Canal, the lifeblood of central New York. As a result, Hanover Square and the city that encompassed it thrived and expanded for decades.

So what the hell happened to Syracuse? Hanover Square is no longer the point of entry; those behemoths of architectural prowess that once greeted visitors arriving on the canal now shiver in the shade beside two elevated highways. In some places, whole expanses of cracked sidewalk lay neglected—artifacts of an age when people got up and walked. Gray parking garages pepper the city like a toddler’s carelessly dropped rocks. If all the downtown parking spots were laid side by side, they would comprise an area equivalent to 40 percent of downtown itself. When you ask a historian like Dennis Connors of the Onondaga Historical Association where Syracuse is going, you get the story of where it’s been. Which is fine. If history repeats itself, then a history lesson is the next best thing to a crystal ball. In Connors’ office hangs a poster of an early 20th century building, with a tagline that reads, “Syracuse: The 21st Century City”—an illustration of how Syracuse’s past informs it. Connors is optimistic about the future. He believes people are realizing the organic urban atmosphere that occurred in the 19th century before cars and highways—is the most natural and logical way for a city to function. When the automobile became popular, especially in the late 1920s, it was an unsuspected poison that city-dwellers and developers embraced. The largest public works project in American history, the Federal-Aid Highway Act of 1956, helped create 46,876 miles of interstate highways. That’s the same distance as almost 14 coast-to-coast journeys. Ostensibly, these highways were built to connect cities to cities—which they did. However, that boon came with a bane. Highways also made the suburbs outside cities more accessible. Suddenly that suburban house with a driveway on an acre square of grass was not so out of reach. With that, people left the city. The Highway Act was a national phenomenon: four-lane highways crawled across America like hundreds of black worms. City populations plummeted, and suburbs at city edges flourished. From a vulture’s perspective, the American city must have resembled a carcass: people flocked to it in the morning, sucked what they needed, and deserted it at sundown.

Today, Syracuse looks and feels like its recovering from a bad breakup—which isn’t far from the truth. Katelyn Wright, the Syracuse land use planner, tells a crowd at a neighborhood meeting that the automobile isn’t going to run this city’s life anymore. It conjures an image of a divorcee at a day spa, pledging to have more “me time.” Connors is glad for the upsurge of young people like Wright in the current city administration. Where Connors, the historian, speaks a chronological language, full of backstory and reason, Wright, the beady-eyed planner, speaks a rambling tongue devoid of punctuation—no time for pauses. But for all her focus on the future, Wright keeps an ear attuned to the past.

Within the past year, Wright and her gang at the Planning & Sustainability Department helped write the Land Use and Development Plan, which lays out the development strategy for coming decades. New zoning regulations urge new development projects to follow historic patterns. Wright says that development patterns from the past were more sustainable, and reinforced the character of neighborhoods. Some of the plan’s bullet points for downtown include protecting historic buildings, encouraging “designs that create visual interest,” and wrapping the ground floor of parking garages in retail or office uses. It’s unclear what is meant by “designs that create visual interest”—but if it means an end to the coldhearted, block-style architecture that dominated the 20th century, it couldn’t have come a moment too soon.

Nothing killed visual interest like modernism, and the influx of architects like Walter Gropius and Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, who emigrated to America from Europe just before World War II. These architects hailed from Germany’s Bauhaus design school, which taught rationalismand functionalism. The results were boring, gaunt, boxy structures thrust on the public as high art. Why such a minimalist, barren style was so eagerly embraced by a capitalist country like the U.S. continues to baffle experts. This anorexic aesthetic duped cities across the nation, including Syracuse. Driving through downtown, you see its influence in the secure Post-Standard building at Clinton Square, or, a slingshot fling west of that, the concrete filingcabinet that is the Federal Building. So, next time you’re driving through Syracuse and you see a flat sided building with hard, unforgiving edges and hardly any windows (there are more than a few of these hanging around)—just think of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, cigar twixt lips, saying the phrase he’s most well-known for: “Less is more.”

One cannot have a conversation about urban design today, especially the kind that values old, 19th century design values, without mentioning newurbanism, a movement advocating pedestrian-friendly, community-driven neighborhoods. For George Curry, the ESF landscape architecture professor, the “new” in new urbanism is misleading. He’s always correcting himself when saying it: “New urb—well, old urbanism…it’s not new. It’s an old prototype on new land, that’s all.” In the 1980s Curry, along with his partner Robert Doucette, revamped Armory Square according to new urbanist principles. Unlike the modernist concrete slabs that often clashed with the more classically designed edifices around them, Center Armory, the long strip of connected buildings between West Jefferson and Walton Streets, blended with the historic buildings around it. The space was originally a parking lot. When the city asked what the two planned to do about parking, the two basically said, “not much.” The message was: if you want a car friendly experience, go to the mall. If you want to sit outside and have a drink, come to Armory Square.

Syracusans, for the most part, are familiar with this story. If you ask an out-of-towner, though, he probably won’t know about the development in Armory Square, or the city’s efforts to improve its infrastructure or beautify storefronts. What the out-oftowner will likely know about, is Destiny USA, the 2.4 million square foot shopping mall that will swallow up an additional 120 acres in the coming years. Destiny’s PR guys blow some hot air about the project’s many wonderful windfalls—like its capacity for increasing tourism, and its innovative green energy (the new flooring is made of crushed walnut shells and cork). But those most familiar with the fine-tuning of Syracuse urban design will tell you that Destiny USA is capitalism’s tumor. It shows how attached the city remains to its cars. Furthermore, Destiny has an exclusivity clause which prevents stores from opening up downtown locations, and thats certainly not doing the city any favors. While downtown moves toward a more pedestrian-oriented schema, Destiny USA is a vestige of the minivan mindset that’s strangled downtown for decades: a giant leap in the wrong direction.

Despite Destiny, there’s hope for the city’s fate. Forward-thinking developers like Doucette, the father of Armory Square, remain a strong influence in Syracuse’s development. Doucette has traveled the world, taking notes on what works and what doesn’t. He loves Istanbul. The name alone causes him to sit forward in his chair. Istanbul works, he says, not because it has developers or grants from the city, but because of its people. Lots of them. “When you get that many people into a small space, they make a city happen,” Doucette says. It’s ironic to hear a developer, whose job depends on strategy, praise a city for its lack of strategy. On the other hand, it’s easy to see how this emphasis on density plays into Doucette’s vision for Syracuse. A significant portion of his projects is mixed-use apartment buildings. If there’s an overarching strategy to Doucette’s work, it seems to be bringing people back to the city and re-densifying Syracuse to the point where it won’t need him—or any developer—anymore.

In 1825, moments after a cannon blast heralded the completion of the Erie Canal, governor DeWitt Clinton congratulated a crowd of thousands on what he considered the greatest work of the age. The canal, he said, was the result of the “voluntary efforts of free men.” Because people, when left to their own devices, will naturally build great things. In this way, a city is like an undeveloped roll of film. It doesn’t benefit from too much poking and prodding, but rather the right ingredients. Add light and certain chemicals to paper, and you’ll have a photograph. Add people to a plot of land, and you’ll have a city. The development happens on its own. The more developers who understand that, the more beautiful Syracuse will be.

MODELS: LEAH DAVIES, ALLIE CURTIS

Illustration by Rebecca Wing Sze Ko

By Jillian D’Onfro

Silvery henna twisted intricately over Zeytun Aden’s arms, while golden bangles gleamed and rattled around her wrists. Her ebony hair, usually tucked under her hijab, spilled in spirals around her slender shoulders. Dressed lavishly in red and gold shawls, one of four different outfits she chose for that June night, Zeytun looked like a princess. Her hips moved hypnotically to the beat blasting from the speakers. Around her, everyone else danced. The large room, packed with hundreds of people, crackled with youth—hardly anyone appeared over 25. It felt like a children’s wedding.

By American standards, it technically was the wedding of a child. Zeytun married her cousin, Banane Ali, on June 25, 2011, at only 17 years old (although no legal matrimony would occur for eight months until after Zeytun had turned 18 and could be recognized as an adult by U.S. law). In accordance with Somali-Bantu cultural tradition, her family entirely orchestrated the marriage.

Eight months later, in February, Zeytun looks ready to burst. Even under her baggy green tie-dye t-shirt, her stomach seems gigantic. “I have a huge belly!” Zeytun exclaims. “I got fat.” Soon after her summer wedding ceremony, Zeytun, now a high-school junior, became pregnant. Even though she wishes that the baby would just “get out” already, she glows when talking about her unborn son.

But his new beginning will mark the end, or at least the interruption, of several of Zeytun’s long-kept life plans. She always anticipated going to college, earning a degree. Now, her most immediate struggle will be finishing high school with an infant in tow. Zeytun vows she will still work hard to achieve her educational goals, but acknowledges now the journey will be more difficult—a dilemma many Somali-Bantu youth face in America. In Africa, nearly every Bantu marriage was arranged, and weddings took place while the bride and groom were still young. Today, in America, Somali-Bantu teenagers face a cultural tug-of-war: debating whether to cede to the tradition of arranged marriage, or extend their budding Americanization to matters of the heart.

On Monday and Wednesday evenings, the Somali Bantu Community Association center, located at 302 Burt Street in Syracuse, bursts with chaotic merriment.  Dozens of Somali-Bantu youth meet with Syracuse University students as part of a program called International Young Scholars. Some students lean diligently over multiplication worksheets and history books with their SU mentors. Others didn’t even bring their backpacks, preferring to play board games or socialize with their mentors and friends. Unlike their parents, these teens grew up in America, not Africa. Most arrived in the States under ten years old.  They view the world through a different lens than their parents. Although most of the girls wear the hijab and colorful long skirts encouraged by their culture and religion, their dialogue sounds Americanized. A year ago, Zeytun sat amongst them. She was one of the studious students, always ready to finish a biology worksheet or complete an essay for her Advanced Placement world history class.

Zeytun grew up on the same diet of pop songs and Disney Channel shows as her American and Somali-Bantu peers. But as she grew, she started facing pressures from her family unlike anything she’d seen on TV. “Ever since I was nine, my parents were always saying that I was going to get married to my cousin,” Zeytun recalls. “At that time, they were just joking.”

When Zeytun became a freshman in high school, it was no longer a joke. Zeytun’s father and her oldest brother, Haji, 29, told her the family wanted her to marry a cousin who lived in Arizona. He was the brother of Haji’s wife, and five years older than Zeytun. Initially, she was shocked and horrified. Arranged marriages remain very much a part of life for Somali-Bantus living in America, but she never imagined it for herself. She felt she had much to accomplish educationally before marriage should enter the picture.

The willingness to accept arranged marriages represents one of the biggest cultural differences between Zeytun’s generation, raised in the United States, and her parents’. In Africa, Somali-Bantu women would often marry by 15. Dating doesn’t exist. In the United States, however, fifteen-year-olds are not legally allowed to marry. Instead of growing up under the watchful eyes of community members in a refugee village, kids mature while navigating a harsh sea of high school hallways. Girls and boys date, even if their parents never hear about it.

But every summer, for as long as she can remember, Zeytun attended the weddings of young Somali-Bantu couples whose parents decided their matrimony. “Parents believe that they have the better choice,” Haji explains. “They make the best choice for you—that’s what they always believe.” As for Haji’s personal beliefs, he thinks girls and boys should marry around age 25, instead of directly out of high school. He believes men and women should have more freedom in choosing the person with whom they will spend the rest of their lives with. At 29 years old, Haji is the father of six children, with a seventh on the way. His own marriage was arranged when he was only 17. “I believe that for the next generation, my kids’ generation, there will be marriage the American way.”

Somali-Bantu marriages are complicated, family affairs though. If two young people fall in love, their families base approval of the relationship on their opinion of the entire other family. That’s why arranged marriages among cousins are so popular: the two families already have a strong bond. Haji’s wife’s family felt strongly that Zeytun and Banane should marry.

Yet when Zeytun’s cousin flew to New York to see her for the first time since they had lived in the same community in the Kakuma refugee camp in Kenya, she refused to speak to him. She remembers instinctively hating everything about him. At the time, unbeknownst to her father and Haji, she was dating a boy from school.  They were in love. During a large community soccer game, she and her boyfriend laughed at Banane behind his back. “Oh my god, that’s the guy they’re trying to get you married with?” Zeytun remembers her boyfriend asking incredulously.

Even then, however, Zeytun never openly refused the marriage. She didn’t want to start a fight in her family. More than anything, the Somali-Bantu culture values a powerful familial bond and deep respect for elders. She feared that if she ditched Banane and tried starting something more serious with her boyfriend, her family would reject the match anyway.

I” said, ‘I  don’t really want to marry him, but I will do it for you guys,’” Zeytun says. Her one condition was that she could finish high school in Syracuse before marrying Banane. Her father and Haji agreed. Zeytun reluctantly ended her relationship with her boyfriend from school, her heart broken. Banane also had a long-term relationship in Arizona at the time, but his family didn’t approve of the girl, and they were forced to separate. Banane sent Zeytun a cell phone, and the couple erased the thousands of miles and layers of emotion with simple conversation.

“We were finally talking,” Zeytun says. “But we weren’t talking as lovers, we were just talking as friends, and as cousins.”  She admits to using the cell phone Banane sent her to keep in touch with her ex. But then, the dynamic started to shift. The phone calls with her future husband lengthened. Compared to her nightly chats with Banane, the conversations with her ex-boyfriend became less appealing. “Oh my god, then we started talking on the phone like crazy,” she laughs. “We talked on the phone in the morning, in the afternoon, at night. I would be in my room all the time, just talking on the phone.” Zeytun’s reluctant acceptance slowly brightened into optimism. Her future seemed tinged with the rosy glow of a girl in love.

But then one night, Banane’s family called Zeytun and told her they refused to wait until after her 2012 graduation for the wedding. Either she married Banane that summer, or there would be no marriage at all. “No, this is too early,” Zeytun told them. “I want to finish my school. It’s not right. I came to America so I could learn.” Zeytun remembers crying wildly, desperate, bitter tears burning her eyes. Haji remembers arguing with the aunt: “It was a big fight. But finally we had to accept it, because we didn’t want it to ruin the life of Zeytun.”

To Haji and his father, uprooting Zeytun from her education wouldn’t permanently ruin her life. Breaking off the marriage, however, would bring “curses” upon her future happiness. Haji describes how in Africa, when an arranged marriage is proposed, the couple is offered two sticks: one dry, and another green with leaves. Choosing the green stick and getting married brings prosperity and joy to the couple. But if the man or the woman refuse the marriage and choose the dry stick, misfortune would forever haunt them. Marital issues. Stillborn children. Divorce after divorce after divorce.

Haji and his father had to accept the marriage, even though it hurt them to do so. The Aden family, Haji in particular, places great emphasis on education. As summer heat started pounding down on Syracuse, the wedding date approached, and Haji couldn’t completely alleviate his misgivings. He remembers crying throughout the entire wedding day, even in public. “People were asking me what was going on,” he says. “I would tell them, ‘There is something deep in my heart that is making me cry.’”

He was afraid that once Zeytun arrived in Arizona, out of his sight and away from his guidance, something would happen and she would stop going to school. “There will always be bumps. In your lifetime you will have ups and downs. But I told her be strong, and go for your school, and your education—don’t stop,” he says. “And she promised me that she will always go to school.”

Having a child might be another one of those bumps. Before they were married, Zeytun and Banane had a conversation about birth control, and they agreed it was a good idea. After all, she still had to complete her junior and senior years of high school. A few weeks later, however, Banane approached her and said he’d changed his mind. “What do you mean it’s not a good idea?  We already talked about it!” Zeytun remembers crying. “You said it was a good idea!  Why are you bringing this up again?” Although Zeytun knew she could still take birth control if she wanted, she decided not to. She couldn’t explain why.

Deynaba Farah, Zeytun’s 18-year-old friend from Syracuse, feels nervous for her. Although Zeytun’s mother-in-law (technically also her aunt) promises to help care for her son, Deynaba worries that once he’s born, Zeytun won’t get as much assistance as she expected. She fears Zeytun will drop out of school. Deynaba herself plans to attend college before she thinks about marriage, let alone children. Her parents haven’t seriously approached her about an arranged marriage yet.

“I think it’s because I don’t have any cousins here, thank god,” she says. The oldest cousin Deynaba has in the United States is six years old, a fact that might save her family from a big fight. When her mother once suggested the proposition of one day having an arranged marriage, Deynaba bluntly showed her distaste for the idea. “I told her with a straight face, ‘This is Deynaba.’ She always tries to compare me to other people, but I’m not other people,” Deynaba says. “I’m different, and this is what I want. I don’t care what other people did, that’s their life. They have their own issues, but this is me, and I’m not going to do that.”

For now, Deynaba is more concerned about passing the next round of Regents (a New York State standardized tests required for high school graduation) than she is about a forced marriage. Zeytun no longer has to worry about Regents. Arizona has its own set of standardized tests, but there are fewer subjects than in New York. Zeytun failed her last one by only six points, but she looks forward to taking it again near the end of the year.

Even though she didn’t refuse arranged marriage like Deynaba did, even though she does love Banane, even though she’s so excited to bring her son into the world, Zeytun can’t help but wonder what her life could have been like. “I don’t know, they might have been right,” she says, referring to her family members who arranged her marriage with Banane. “I’m not saying they weren’t. I don’t see anything bad about it right now, being married to my cousin. But I don’t know what it would be like to be with somebody else.”

Arizona weather weighs her down with its heat. She misses Syracuse, her family, and her friends. “Here in America, I’m still proud of my culture,” she says. “But I think that there’s just some things that we do wrong, that I don’t like, that I’d rather do the American way.”

Illustration by Jaycee Checo

College students have developed a gambling problem. We throw $200,000 on the table for a degree, ask the pretty blonde to blow on our dice, and hope for a job. But the odds don’t fall in our favor. Half of college students don’t graduate, leaving them to fight for a career, sans degree. And those that survive all four years still face massive debt in a poor economy.

UnCollege, a social movement created by Dale Stephens challenges the idea that college is the sole path to success.Stephens says “academic inflation” has degraded the value of a degree—intellectually and economically. Right now, the national unemployment rate hovers around eight percent (even higher for the 25-and-under crowd), forcing grads into jobs that barely require simple math, let alone organic chemistry. According to the Chronicle of Higher Education’s blog, “Innovations,” over 317,000 waiters, 80,000 bartenders, and 18,000 parking lot attendants hold some type of degree.

As the college-educated flood the job market, they’ll soon discover their degrees don’t entitle them to a six-figure salary. Degree-holders take unskilled jobs from the non-college population, hanging them to dry on the unemployment line. Requirements for minimum-wage work naturally increase, and students feel even more pressure to attend college. If the trend continues, saying “Do you want fries with that?” might soon require a B.A. in English.

Unfortunately, we can’t exactly buy a degree off the dollar menu. Our preoccupation with college can break even the plumpest of piggy banks. Vice President Joe Biden claims that tuition rates at public universities have jumped 300 percent in the last 30 years. With this rise comes a surge in student debt. Last November, the Huffington Post ran this headline: “Average Student Loan Debt: $25,250.” For those of you who never learned long division (but got into college anyway), that means about 10 years of monthly $210 payments.

Yet all the debt in the world can’t dispel the social branding of college. With higher education consuming us, we grossly undervalue “non-professional” labor like construction and auto-mechanics. Since the world always needs transportation, mechanics have more opportunities for entrepreneurship and advancement. Still, society shuns them as grease monkeys—dirty, blue-collar workers. Stephens, however, wishes the U.S. offered skilled apprenticeship programs like Germany or Switzerland. “There are jobs that don’t require you to put on a suit and tie that are respected,” he says. “You should be free to decide whether you want to go to college or don’t—and not have stigmas attached to that.”

But today’s relentless insistence on college can make the path less-traveled almost impossible. Parents want us to go to college. Society wants us to go to college. Hell, most of us want to go to college. And universities realize they have both the ambitious and the afraid-to-fail in the palms of their hands. Professor William Coplin, head of the public affairs major in Maxwell, is a long-time dissenter of the modern university. He says that as profit-making institutions, colleges want to enroll as many students as possible, even if they don’t meet the requirements. According to career and education coach Marty Nemko, 76 percent of college freshmen who graduated in the bottom 40 percent of their high school won’t earn a diploma. Colleges also want to graduate as many as possible—the ultimate self-promotion. But they have to lower curricula to meet students’ lack of ability, making our degrees less meaningful in the real world to further their own financial agendas.

Now, we obviously shouldn’t abolish college. Students do, however, need to make active decisions about their education.  If you want to stay in “summer camp that costs $200,000” as Coplin says, by all means, keep writing those poli-sci papers. But if not, don’t feel pressured by a society that wrongly equates success with an overrated piece of paper. Steve Jobs didn’t. JM

Illustration by Anna Paterno

By Elliot DeLine

The media has a poor track record when it comes to portraying transgender individuals. The mainstreamrepresentations are inaccurate in numerous ways, and do more harm than good for transgender people.

As far as the average American television viewer is concerned, RuPaul, a wealthy gay man in drag, might as well be the transgender community’s  spokesperson. “I support Chaz Bono’s decision to be on ‘Dancing with the Stars,’” friends reassure me, when this was apparently considered inappropriate by some. To be honest, though Chaz and I are both transgender men, I could care less where he dances.

But sadly, B-list transgender celebrities only further society’s misconception in their scuffle to prolong their 15 minutes of fame. Their constant airtime reveals that only certain individuals in the trans community get a voice. According to a survey by the U.K.’s Trans Media Watch, 78 percent of their 256 transgender respondents felt that the transgender media portrayals were either “inaccurate or highly inaccurate.” Even worse, 95 percent felt that the media doesn’t care what transgender people think.

Samael Bowen, a transgender man living in Syracuse, also resents the depictions he sees on television. “All they care about is showing something that is going to bring in ratings,” he says. “They take the most extreme and outrageous people… the trans people who get on to mainstream television have been rude, inconsiderate, and in my opinion, quite ignorant.”

Of course, there are more transgender representations than the handful of spotlight hoggers. Sarah Kench, a transgender student at Syracuse University, says she often sees cruel jokes and comments about transgender people, specifically transwomen, in television shows and movies. “They mostly show transwomen as pathetic,” she says. “As a deceiver, prostitute, or slut.” She feels many important issues are never brought up in the media, like how parents abandon their transgender children. Many are left homeless. And in their desperation, some turn to unsafe street procedures to feminize their bodies sometimes with fatal results. This includes seeking cheap, unprofessional surgery, black market hormone medication, and extremely dangerous silicone injections to their hips or buttocks.

Education and justice, on the other hand, are not on the agenda during transgender media coverage. The experience is characterized as a rare, entirely personal struggle. But society’s role in our oppression and pain is ignored. Instead, we hear about individuals discovering a “problem”— the gender they appear to be on the outside is not how they feel inside. We see the transgender person as an isolated phenomenon—a glitch in the natural, happily gendered world. This “flaw” is fixed by their transition, and a decent amount of viewers are left generally comfortable with the knowledge of their existence.

“I tend to feel like trans is the new circus freak show,” Bowen says. “[People] aren’t actually learning anything…at least nothing of relevance. And the things that people take away from the media is almost always negative.” The non-trans media cannot portray us more accurately—at least not alone. Only transgender people can ever truly understand their own experiences. What we really need is sincere collaboration. People must be willing to listen to what we say, even when it feels intimidating or foreign, and assist us in achieving equality.

Incidents of transphobia need to be treated with the same seriousness as racist or homophobic remarks. Most importantly, the media needs to prioritize accuracy while transgender people continue forging venues to speak for ourselves. The media needs to be a pulpit from which our voice is heard, not a circus tent within which we’re mocked. The ringmaster can go home now.

elephantjournal.com

By Lindsay Dolak

By now, you’ve probably figured out a sex style and method as signature as your Jimmy John’s order and you think you know what really works for you. What if I told you that I’m willing to bet that your seemingly unique sex script isn’t all that unique? In figuring out what fulfils our sexual appetites, there are a number of old-fashioned rules that we all, to a certain extent, still fall into. I’m not one to argue with age-old wisdom and time-tested techniques, but these rules can seem more like ruts and it’s time we taught the old-fashioned dick a few new tricks.

Old Rule: Good sex lasts for hours.

New Rule: Great sex can be as long or short as you want.

It’s a common misconception, in my horny and humble opinion, that good sex requires a time slot as long as a class block. While I can understand that a lengthy and sensual sex session can certainly benefit the body, one must remember that we are, in fact, students. We don’t get a lot of free time on the weekdays and no one really has time to sack up for hours even if it’s for a solo catnap. However, no one’s crazy enough to simply cut sex out of his or her weekly—or daily—schedule, so we find the time. If it’s 50 minutes, great for you! And if it’s only five, well hey bro, you got off, too!

Old Rule: The guy must make the first move.

New Rule: Initiation is acceptable from either party.

Ladies, remember the days when you used to run to the door and cut all the boys to be the first one in line to go outside for recess? Where did all that ambition go? It’s that initiative that will get you a solid sex-goddess reputation in no time. I have never heard a guy complain that a girl made the first move, but I have heard plenty of guys complain that not enough girls do so. Basically, if you’re ready and raring to go, then just go. I can say with quite a bit of confidence that no clearly horny male is going to try to cap that ambition.

Old Rule: Sex = Sex

New Rule: Sex can mean a lot of different things.

So, you went farther with that guy than you wanted to. Yeah, whatever, you can blame tequila for the umpteenth time while you nervously await the next hook up knowing that you can’t slow things down now. You can’t go all the way and expect someone to be satisfied when you want to pull back and start maybe only going half way. Or can you? Listen up, satisfying “sex,” like a great-fitting condom, doesn’t come in a one size fits all wrapper anymore. We have this messed up notion that sex must involve penetration and that anything less than that is simply “foreplay.” An orgasm is an orgasm, and I would be shocked by anyone who wouldn’t be perfectly satisfied receiving one regardless of how it came to happen. Don’t fall for the washed up idea that the best orgasms come from  intercourse. If you’re only focusing on figuring out that one area of the body, you’ll miss out on all the great feelings that can come from “having sex” with all the other parts.

In order to make sure that I am not simply bashing some of the most original rules of banging, and as my own way of paying homage to the classics, here are some rules that will never go out of style:

Don’t stick your dick in any other hole unless full and conscious consent has been given.

Don’t. You. Dare.

Don’t have sex on your period.

And don’t neglect to fully inform a male who might be considering going down on you if you are on your period as that is simply cruel and disgusting.

Don’t ever let your schedule get in the way of a happy and fulfilled sex life.

Sex does more for your stress than you could ever imagine.

Don’t fake it.

Honestly, you’re probably not that great of an actor/actress and will most likely just make an absolute fool out of yourself. And your partner will know and will laugh.

By Rob Marvin | Photos by Shira Stoll

As the director of brewing operations at Empire Brewing Company, Tim Butler concocts 35 different beers a year. But he can’t put a taste bud on which one he likes the most. “It’s like asking who my favorite child is,” Butler says. “I love them all.” The Syracuse alehouse currently produces and pumps 13 of its own beers straight from the brewery to the bar’s taps, including the hoppy American Strong Ale, the spicy Liv and Let Rye, and the Skinny Atlas Light (Empire brews with Skaneateles Lake’s fresh water).

This spring, Empire will break ground on a new farmstead brewery that Butler anticipates will churn out 60,000 barrels a year—more than 20 times Empire’s current production. It should cure his (and everyone’s) recurring nightmare, in which he opens up the brewery’s walk-in cooler and all the beer is gone.

BOILING KETTLE -- “After all the liquid is moved to this kettle, the grains are spent, and we shovel them out. A farmer picks them up and uses them to feed his pigs and cows. Eventu- ally we’re going to get some of that, and it’ll go on our menu as 'Empire-grain-fed meat.'”

FERMENTERS -- “Primary fermentation takes place over a period of three to five days, and then there’s a condition- ing phase of two to three days. Then it’ll chill. There’ll be cold- conditioning for another three days or so, and then the beer is carbonated and packaged.”

COLD ROOM -- “After carbonation and conditioning, the beers get packaged and end up here. These seven-barrel serving tanks lead directly to the taps. It’s basically a giant keg. At any given time there are between 70 and 100 kegs in here.”

 

The Curkendall family proves that disabilities aren’t always debilitating.

At 16 years old, Renee Curkendall told her mother that when she grew up, she would have six children with special needs. When she met her husband, Peter, a former Penn State football player, she warned him not to ask her out unless he was up for the challenge of her long-held dream. Now in her mid-40s, Renee and Peter have six children between the ages of five and 21, four of whom are adopted. Five of the children have significant physical and developmental impairments.

Along with the challenges of raising a large family, Renee and Peter face unique difficulties. “I have to admit we have more on our plate than I anticipated,” Renee says. “But I wouldn’t trade it for a minute.” Annette, the oldest at 21 years old, has Cerebral palsy and developmental delays, and is HIV-positive. Joshua is their 16-year-old biological child with epilepsy. In addition, he is hearing impaired, has developmental delays, and has survived a brain tumor. Trayvon, a 12-year-old, has congenital heart defects. Marriela, 9 years old, was born prematurely at 26 weeks; she has severe anxiety and has bipolar disorder, with developmental delays. Cody is their 6-year-old biological child and has no disabilities. Lastly, Sergio, at 5 years old, has intestinal failure, vision impairment, and severe developmental defects.

Earlier this year, the family received a call that there was a new heart awaiting Trayvon in New York City. He flew the next day to Children’s Hospital of New York for a transplant. He’ll be there for three months to recover. Trayvon moved to the Ronald McDonald House at the end of March, where he is able to interact with other kids and do more activities than a hospital allows. Trayvon is breathing without the use of any tubes for the first time in his life. His siblings constantly ask when he’ll be back and are looking forward to his homecoming.

The Curkendall Family

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Sergio pulls open the window shades waiting for Marriela's teacher to come.

 

Illustration by Justin Riveira

By Katrina Tulloch

Justice Thurgood Marshall wrote in the 1974 Procunier v. Martinez case:

“When the prison gates slam behind an inmate, he does not lose his human quality; his mind does not become closed to ideas; his intellect does not cease to feed on a free and open interchange of opinions; his yearning for self-respect does not end; nor is his quest for self-realization concluded.”

Word. Nor does he stop thinking about tits.

Earlier this year, Dave Johns of Slate Magazine wrote about the right to masturbate in prison. The piece zoomed in on male inmates who received punishment, extended sentences, or lost privileges for “unloading their guns.”

Look, masturbation’s gonna happen. Banning it is not only inhumane, but absurd to enforce. It only becomes a matter of whether the guy gets caught or not. If someone jerking off upsets the guards enough to file a complaint, they might be in the wrong line of work.

Last summer, Connecticut went a step further by banning porn from correctional facilities for two reasons: first, state employees should not be forced to view porn while they’re working; second, porn makes the environment hostile for female prison workers. But we can’t blame porn. Sexual arousal does not instantly equal sexual violence. Banning sexually-charged objects won’t eliminate sexual harassment in prisons. Let them have their Sasha Greys and Jenna Jamesons, and cure their blue balls simultaneously.

Photo by Liz Reyes

By Kelly Peters

Do you rock a suit frequently?

When I have a reason to. Otherwise, I try not to overdo it. But you put on a suit, and you feel great. I always dress up when I fly somewhere just because people will pay attention to you, security won’t screw with you, and you’ll get service pretty quick. I like to pretend it’s still the whole Pan Am thing.

What’s your style in general then?

When I leave in the morning, I just like to feel put-together. My mom describes it as kind of like Brooks Brothers. I like button-down shirts. I like wing-tipped shoes. I don’t wear sweatpants a lot.

What do you plan to do with your TRF major?

I’d like to be some kind of writer for a television show. I’ve done a lot of theater writing, but  TV and film is where the money’s at.

Theater writing sounds awesome.

I did musical theater in high school. Here on campus, I’m in an a capella group called Orange Appeal, and I’m involved with First Year Players too, so I still write plays. I just had one produced called Salesman Honey.

What was that about?

It was based on a pitcher who came up for the Nationals in Washington, who everyone thought was going to be the greatest of all time. But he was injured halfway through his first season and was going to have a Tommy

John surgery—where they take a tendon from your knee and put it in your elbow. I took that situation and thought, what if he just decided to retire after that. An easy way to get away with writing plays is to take a situation and change one thing. The nice thing is that I get to make things up to fit my point.

Any particular writers you admire?

My favorite writer of all time, my heaviest influence, is Aaron Sorkin. I actually got to meet him while I was out in L.A. this summer.

Go on.

It’s not a happy story, actually. He was having a party for SU kids at his house, but it wasn’t one of those things where someone brings him out—it was his house. He was sitting by himself, and I finally went over to sit down. It was just a weird moment of  “Ok, it’s time to say something.” I noticed that he had a baseball signed by Joe DiMaggio sitting on his bar—people in L.A. just have bars in their houses. I asked: “So, you like baseball?” He goes, “Yes.” We talked for five minutes, and then he said: “Ya know, I’m gonna have to go.” It was just excruciating.

Rough.

Olivia Munn was at this party. She’s been on the cover of Maxim a bunch of times. Talking to her, no problem. Aaron—I just choked. JM

The photo above isn’t really of anyone I personally know or have bumped into on the streets of London. However, while I was riding one of England’s famous double decker buses, I saw a young bloke (most likely attending uni) dressed very dapper and asked my friend Uwale Moju to snap a picture. Since he looked so stylish , I thought to myself, “It’s the norm here in the United Kingdom for guys to dress like this. But why not in the United States?” However, I must give credit where it’s due because I have been seeing more guys back in the States give more care and attention to what they wear as of late.

What really strikes me about this young man’s particular outfit are the shoes! I adore them. Loafers for guys are becoming a trend for everyday wear rather than special occasions or the evening out, especially here in London. Loafers, if well invested in, are a comfortable shoe that can dress up any outfit and are far more aesthetically pleasing to the eye far more pleasing than what?. Not to mention, they are timeless.

Ladies can pull off the unisex trend as well—androgyny is alive and well. Below are two of my favorite loafers I have found while doing some online shopping. Women can always get a men’s size if they want to wear a loafer; usually the size will be about two to three sizes smaller. I have found that men’s loafers are much more appealing than women’s styles. It doesn’t matter if you’re a girl or guy, this trend is a must-try.

Urban Outfitters

Christian Louboutin

Try fringe this spring and add a bit of edginess to your wardrobe without overdoing it on colors or patterns. Uwale Moju, a junior at Syracuse University, rocks a darling white fringe top from H&M.  Here, she pairs it with dark leggings and dresses it up a little with earrings and platform pumps, both from Topshop. I love this outfit; it’s simple but kicked up a notch because of the fringe. Although the weather in London has been a little nippy and not necessarily fringe-friendly, it’s definitely a trend I’ve spotted in stores here—which means it should be coming to America shortly if it hasn’t come over already. 

Fringe has been ever-present on the spring runways, e-stores and stars’ bods like Victoria Beckham and Sienna Miller. Posh gets fringy with her accessories, while Sienna works a full-fringed frock. Keep it safe with an accessory or make a statement with head-to-toe, stringy fun. How would you do fringe?

whowhatwear.com

Photo by Andrew Rennesien

Photo by Andrew Rennesien

By Nick Toney

In the middle of the berm trails and big-air jumps, Dale Cruce kneels with his mouth ajar, marveling at the arc shaped by the specialized plywood that forms the second turn. Ride it, and for a split-but-blissful second, you’ll feel like the bike is guiding you—when it’s usually the other way around. No matter how many times they launch themselves off those jumps and land with loud, violent thuds, Cruce’s beanie-wearing brethren can’t snap him out of his reverie in the middle of the biking cathedral that he owns: CranX Bike and Sports Park.

Big air is amazing—sometimes amazing enough to induce vertigo—but CranX is more than just jumps. The park contains six separate but equally inimitable sections. An indoor BMX park trails outdoors, when weather permits, to three more acres of biking delight. A wooden pump pit cradles tricks and grinds. A road course weaves seamlessly around the gigantic wooden jumps and trails. An elevated bridge-like cross-country trail snakes around the top of the warehouse, giving a bird’s-eye view of the park. A runway leads to a ramp that steers to a foam pit. And finally, the meandering berm trail that features Cruce’s favorite turn.

Like that turn, CranX stands out by being simultaneously simple and unique. Cruce, a Syracuse native, first conceptualized the park as a place where riders could escape a Central New York winter to bike, weather be damned. That simple idea brought Cruce to a run-down warehouse two miles off of the New York State Thruway in DeWitt, at 6341 Thompson Road. Others would’ve called the property a decrepit victim of the 2008 recession worthy of a wrecking ball. Cruce and his team, however, saw potential in the over 90,000-square-foot property that its previous owners didn’t: an expansive, naturally-lit biking space with high ceilings perfect for skyscraping jumps.

Only three American parks match CranX in sheer size alone, and none offer the unique combination of trails that Cruce’s park does. Cruce spent half a million dollars on lumber and plywood to construct his monument to biking. But in his eyes, that spot at the top of the berm trails—the one he practically prays to—is priceless. “There’s no angle like this in any park in the United States,” Cruce says with reverence. “It’s beautiful.” JM

By Samantha Schoen

3 1/2 Nancies

TOP TRACK: “RADIO”
BOTTOM TRACK: “SWEET DEE”

Yukon Blonde’s TigerTalk pulses with kicking drums, electric riffs, bold bass, and harmonious vocals. Channeling the sounds of the 60s and 70s, the Vancouver natives’ 10-track sophomore album is filled with cool vibes and poppy upbeat melodies. The standouts are opening songs “My Girl” and “Radio,” along with “Oregon Shores” and “Six DeadTigers”. But lead vocalist Jeff Innes is the real selling point here. A blend of Dylan and McCartney (if it existed), he’s part everyman, part music god. It’s psychedelic rock for our generation.

Illustration by Joel Jensen Heath

By Paul Esposito

2.5 Nancies

TOP TRACK: “ARIZONA STATE OF MIND”

BOTTOM TRACK: “GOLDENEYE”

At the risk of stating the obvious: Jay Foss is a college rapper. Unsurprisingly, ThisIsGenius is about college life and the problems of being a minority marijuana lover at an expensive, culturally anemic, private university. A lot of Foss’ style is imitative, with some heavy Kanye influence on flow and lyrics, but in a sedentary way that smells like the privileged affluence that often accompanies studentship at Syracuse University. Foss isn’t fighting any wars here. There’s no profound epiphany, and the production smacks more of Funk ‘n Waffles than the progressive beats we’ve been hearing from Clams Casino and The Weeknd (who Foss samples in his final track with moderate success). Where Foss succeeds is in his use of subtlety and dynamism on “Arizona State of Mind,” a track with a subdued hook that’s much catchier than Foss’ more direct approaches.

4.5 Nancies

TOP TRACK: “THE WONDER”
BOTTOM TRACK: “ON THE DAY”
As it progresses, Conduits’ eponymous debut album gains steam in an unassuming manner. After the hard-hitting psychedelic intro, “Top Of The Hill,” the band quickly lulls into a hazy hybrid, fusing the best elements of dream pop and shoegaze—a sound captured best on “The Wonder.” Each riff during the song’s mesmerizing guitar duel slips you deeper under Conduits’ hypnotic spell, trapping you in a trance until the silence following the final synth loop whisks you back to reality. Conduits seems to transcend the typical parameters of time; as in a dream, a single song lasts an eternity.

By Maya Kosoff

2 1/2 Nancies

Top Track: Fire Island (Phrases)
Bottom Track: Hammer Blows

Sonic Youth’s guitarist Lee Ranaldo proves you can teach an old dog new tricks. Accompanied
by fellow SonicYouth drummer Steve Shelley and Wilco guitarist Nels Cline, among others, Ranaldo’s debut solo LP sounds like SonicYouth’s older brother who just got his first Fender Stratocaster.The album explores nostalgia and love lost, yet the lyrics border on mundane. In “Hammer Blows,” Ranaldo broods: “Hammer blows get heavy, and they’re often unseen / but this pain is bound to run its course.” Nonetheless, Ranaldo still manages to put on a show with his ample guitar skills.

By Annie Licata

4 1/2 Nancies

Top Track: “Danse Carribe”
Bottom Track: “Give It Away”

“Here we go mistaking clouds for mountains,” sings Andrew Bird over the twang of a banjo. Bird, a violinist since age four, plays a slew of instruments on Break It Yourself. Three of the 14 tracks are instumental, exemplifying his talent and versatility. Lyrically, the album is a mixture of self-reflection and nature.There’s an overall positive and airy

feel as Bird explores the human soul in tracks like “Orpheo Looks Back” and “Fatal Shore.” Distictive violin tones accompany soothing male and occasionally female vocals, with tranquil whistling harmonies.This album is ideal for a long car ride. Nothing harsh. Easy listening.

scriptevolution.com

Think back to middle school or even your early high school years. Your primary method of communication wasn’t Facebook.  It wasn’t Twitter nor  your new flip-phone: it was AIM.

AOL’s instant messaging software was revolutionary in the way it let the young world of Internet users interact with each other. AIM was the perfect place to connect with your friends. It was a place of expression. Remember those Yellowcard lyrics in your AIM profile? Had you ever even been to Ocean Avenue? No. But that’s okay, because you had AIM.

AIM could even have given you the opportunity to talk to your first “real” BF or GF.  Confiding the deepest of secrets from the comfort of your computer chair was a nightly activity for many of the world’s youth during a time when SpongeBob and Rocket Power were significant life figures.

While that may all seem like the past, AOL has just recently dropped the ball on the AIM software. Recently, the company announced the discontinuation of AIM and gave the entire AIM software team the ax. Social networks like Facebook and Twitter, complete with their easy chat features, are the most probable cause of this death, LMFAO-ing their way to expansion and profits.

All the while, AOL’s prominence on the Internet seems to be shrinking. An AOL mail account? BRB! Gmail currently holds the most subscribers for a mail service and Hotmail and private accounts are thriving. The days of dial-up and free-trial discs are over, but one can reminisce about those colorful profiles, textual tricks, and flirty emoticons.

Do you still use AIM? Don’t be afraid to admit it; there are still those who frequently check their Myspace pages, too.

facebook.com

By Natasha Schuyler

Last summer Alex Tschopp went to Cornell for a summer management course. The sun was shining and he forgot his sunglasses back home. He figured he could just walk in the university store and buy a pair. But, to his amazement, they didn’t sell any.

Tschopp, a student from the County College of Morris in New Jersey, is now working with his best friend, Anthony Scandariato, to rectify the problem Tschopp met at Cornell.

“Throughout the summer I thought about what happened when I went to the store and came up with the idea from there,” Tschopp said.

After completing his certificate program, Alex went back home to New Jersey and started collaborating with Scandariato on what they now call Collegiate Sun. After much discussion, the duo decided on Ray-Ban style sunglasses. “The Wayfarer style was kind of what was in fad as far as fashion, so that is where we chose the idea,” Tschopp said.

With plans to make this a national brand, Tschopp and Scandariato will launch the sunglasses next fall at Syracuse University and four other schools. The duo said each school was picked because it fit a different category: Syracuse has a prominent Greek life system, which is why Syracuse is one of the first schools to have access to the sunglasses. Two other schools, Harvard and NYU, fit the Ivy and city niche, respectively.

“We are both excited and nervous about how students will react to our product. We’re very confident that we have found an opening in a college apparel market and people will react positively,” Tschopp said.

Reflecting each school’s colors, SU’s sunglasses will be both blue and orange. This fall students can look for a pavilion set up on the quad during freshman orientation and football games to check out Collegiate Sun’s Syracuse line.

For now, the line will only be available through visits to Cornell or the campus bookstore, but eventually Tschopp and Scandariato plan to open an online store. These cool new sunglasses might set broke students back $15 to $20.

“Not the quality of Ray-Bans, but definitely not cheap,” Tschopp said.

Check out Collegiate Sun’s Facebook page for sunglass designs and news updates.

dirtysexandpolitics.com

By Lindsay Dolak

Once upon a time it used to be easy to find someone who could provide the perfect arrangement of a tolerable, entertaining friend with the ability to satisfy your every sexual beck and call, while avoiding all relationship-esque, clingy bullshit. The fuck buddy was the soul mate of the commitment phobe and the most rewarding contact you wish you could say was in your phone. But, alas, to even imagine such a convenient being is simply wishful thinking nowadays, right? Wrong.

Fuck buddies are as real as herpes and if you’re looking in the right places and making the right moves, you could have one crawling in between your legs in no time. Here are the Ten Commandments of Gaining and Retaining a Fuck Buddy:

• I. Thou Shalt Not Seek Out A Fuck Buddy

In most cases, these special sex deviants come out to play when you least expect them and, typically, around the time you might be down on yourself. Recently single? Failing out of school? Just like the sun, the penis always rises again.

• II. Thou Shalt Be Uninhibited

Hello? This isn’t your girlfriend with the small boobs who can only tolerate penetration from two angles. This is your fuck buddy who is using you for the same reason he or she is being used: crazy effing sex. Welcome to the hot bed of no judgments.

• III. Thou Shalt Not Cling

Remember when you used to go out and your super clingy, then-significant-other-who-you-were-pretty-sure-was-actually-gay would constantly call and text you to find out what you were doing? Yeah, your potential once-in-a-lifetime-more-than-one-night-stand will remember when you do it, too.

• IV. Thou Shalt Have Full Understanding of Situation

You’re fuck buddies. You’re not friends.

•  V. Thou Shalt Not Confide in Co-Fornicator

There is no easier way to make a bang buddy run real fast than to confide in them about emotional and sentimental topics. Family, exes, your opinion of the death penalty? No one wants to watch you wipe your tears with sex-stained sheets.

•  VI. Thou Shalt Not Get Jealous

Instead of getting mad your booty call is banging some other blonde, respect the hell out of their dedication to practice.

•  VII. Thou Shalt Stay in the Bedroom

Or bathroom or office or wherever you’ve chosen as your place of pleasure. Basically, fuck buddies don’t go on dates. You don’t get to sit with him or her at a nice dinner over candlelight. However, I’ve heard hot candle wax can really heat things up in between the sheets.

• VIII. Thou Shalt Never Ride Bareback

The reason fuck buddies are so good in bed is because they’ve spent a lot of time in bed…with other people. Even if it’s a quickie, wrap it up before things get sticky.

•  IX. Thou Shalt Mingle Separately

An ideal fuck buddy agreement consists of few or no mutual friends. Middlemen and outside opinions, especially from those close to you, can just complicate things and, let’s be honest, your last couple of relationships were complicated enough.

•  X. Thou Shalt Never Settle for One

Holding back from hooking up with other hotties at frat parties because you have your fuck buddy on speed dial by now? The whole point is to be free of any and all commitments or attachments! Go out there and get it while it’s hot and horny. If your solely-for-sex partner is really top-notch, they’ll pat, er, slap you on the ass for a job well done.

mediaite.com

Sunday 3/25

- Former Vice President and shooting ace Dick Cheney underwent a full heart transplant this week. Doctors were startled to discover during the surgery that he actually DID have a heart.

- Speaking of fat, rich, white men: a new study released this week by the NY Times shows a growing gap between the wealthy and everybody else. That’s right – it appears the rich are getting richer by the minute

Monday 3/26

abcnews.go.com

- ­The award for Sister of the Year goes to Khloe Kardashian this week, who dropped her spokeswoman post with PETA after big sister Kim got flour bombed by a protestor.

- Funnyman Jimmy Kimmel has been slated to host this year’s Emmy Awards. The show isn’t till September, but Kimmel has already vowed to make it the shittiest of shit shows.

jezebel.com

Tuesday 3/27

- In health news this week: new findings suggest that chocolate helps people, particularly women, control their weight. Hershey’s entire product line is currently on backorder.

- Bobby Brown, ex-husband of the late Ms. Whitney Houston, was arrested for a DUI in California.

geekologie.com

Wednesday 3/28

- You may want to be sitting down for this next one: Lindsay Lohan will appear on ‘Glee’…as herself. No word yet on how the writers plan to weave her into the plot, but we’re sure it’ll be the most entertaining episode to date!

- Here’s something to give you the drunk munchies: technology firm CNET unveiled their latest product: “Pizza at the Press of a Button.”

primaryignition.com

Thursday 3/29

- Wake up, San Diego! Ron Burgundy himself announced the long-anticipated sequel to ‘Anchorman’ this week. Shooting is slated to begin alter this year.

- Electronics giant Best Buy announced that they would be closing 50 stores due to dwindling sales for the first part of 2012.

Friday 3/30

perezhilton.com

- Filmmaker Spike Lee has reached a settlement with an elderly Florida couple after he mistakenly tweeted their address instead of the Trayvon killer. Always check your sources, kids!

- In wild and crazy news for this week: a California woman has filed Federal charges against McDonald’s claiming that the fast food giant forced her into prostitution in the 1990s. Would you like fries with that shake?

www.etsy.com

By Lauryn Botterman

Sadly, it’s time for a refresher course in basic etiquette. Don’t ever get caught breaking one of these rules. Classy is the way to go.

Hold the Door

I’m walking two paces behind you and you don’t have the courtesy to hold the door open for three seconds?! They say chivalry is dead but we need to bring it back for an encore. Look, doors are heavy. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone go out of his or her way to say “let me get that for you.” It requires minimal effort but is a highly appreciated gesture.

Please and Thank You

Newsflash: those magic words you learned when you were two years old—

“please” and “thank you”—they never went out of style. Some people need to incorporate them into their vocabulary more often. When someone does you a favor, it’s generally expected that you express your gratitude so as not to be perceived as a cold-hearted, ungrateful bitch.

Gum Chomping

Sitting in close proximity to someone who is obnoxiously smacking his or her gum is a cruel and unusual sort of torture. Unless you are a cow, you can learn to control your chewing habits. I would advocate a switch to breath mints, but if you absolutely need a wad of Juicy Fruit to tide you through a two-hour lecture, keep that shit silent and bubble-free.

Cover Your Mouth

I thought that covering your mouth and nose when sneezing or coughing was a standard form of etiquette, yet I still witness grown adults blatantly projecting their germs and snot rockets into the open air without any attempt at forming a sanitary barrier. It’s repulsive! If you have a cold, please utilize tissues at all times; otherwise, the nook of your elbow is preferred so that we don’t all catch diseases from your high-fives.

Shut Up!

Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t haul my ass to the library to listen to your half-hour phone conversation with your BFF from home. When I’m trying to study for my stats exam, I give precisely zero fucks about how you spent your weekend. Honestly, the conversations that transpire at excessively loud volumes in the middle of the library make me second-guess whether our generation has any concept of dignity or respect. Whispering is always preferred. Or you could always take the easy road and, you know, just shut the fuck up.

Sleeping in Public

We’ve all had our share of rough mornings, but whether you spent the night writing papers or raging, you should at least attempt to pull yourself together until you can nap in the privacy of your own bedroom. It’s one thing to subtly steal a moment of shut-eye while waiting for class to start, it is quite another to pass out on a random armchair in a public building, snoring and drooling in the fetal position. Don’t think putting your jacket over your head  makes you any less obvious; we can still you sprawled out like an overgrown infant. Grab some coffee or a Red Bull and fight the urge to fall asleep.

by Sophia Bernard, Monica DeStefano, Alyssa di Rienzo, Alison Joy, and Lauren Teng

Join us for episode two of Pet Peeves, as we bitch and moan about all those rogue texters getting in our way

parentdish.co.uk

By Julia Fuino

If asked what your type is, without hesitation, you’d be able to name several of the most desired qualities in another person—cute, funny, smart. But there are also qualities you do not want. Through the several breakups I’ve been through, I’ve learned two things: both what I want and what I don’t want are equally important. I may want someone smart, but do I also want him to be locked in his bedroom playing Call of Duty by day and solving equations by night? Negative.

Those listed below come with exceptions, because everyone is different, but they are on my list of guys to avoid. This also applies to girls, so guys, pay attention.

The Puppy Ex: We all have that one ex that, no matter, what will always see the sun shine out our ass—much like our dogs. They’re too willing and too eager to take us back, no matter how badly we’ve upset them. This is not someone you take back. If they have no respect for themselves and allow us to continuously use and abuse, they need to start loving themselves first. Ultimately, you’re always going to feel like the bad guy and no one needs that. Kyle, a junior, knows all about the Puppy Ex. “This type of person is usually the overemotional and obsessive texter, caller, Facebook chatter, asks you out for coffee all the time. It’s never a good idea to get back involved with someone like this. Even if you weren’t in a relationship, this is the person that will give you a bad name solely by association, and will also probably make you crazy. It’s best just to stay away,” he says.

The Visitor: Never, and I mean never, hook up with someone who is just visiting. This means: if they don’t go to Syracuse University or live anywhere remotely close to your hometown, they are a no-go. Unless of course you’re looking for a one night stand, because that’s all it’s going to amount to. The Visitor comes to Syracuse with one goal in mind: to hook up and have no responsibility toward that person afterward. So if you’re looking for something more, stay far away from Sir Fucksalot. Emily, a sophomore CRS major reflects on a time where she got “mixed up” with The Visitor. “He told me right off the bat that he was from a SUNY school, but he also said he comes to Syracuse almost every weekend. Well, it’s been four months, and he still hasn’t come back. Or maybe he has and I just never heard back from him. It’s disappointing,” she says.

The Ego: When there’s barely enough room to breathe because their ego takes up too much space, chances are, they aren’t the best catch. Look for someone who has more to say than their life story, how great they are, what company their dad owns and how they’re guaranteed riches for life. At SU, its pretty easy to spot The Ego, as everyone’s daddy here apparently owns something and many people do feel that self-entitlement, even when it is not deserved. Danny, a brother of a fraternity which will remain anonymous, who calls himself a dick says, “I wouldn’t want a girlfriend now to be honest, but if I did, she’d have to be able to put up with me, my lifestyle, and my supposed ‘arrogance.’ Eventually, I’d want someone that would be able to keep me grounded, but like I said, I don’t have what it takes for a committed anything yet. Right now I’m just doing me, you know?” Sounds like the basis of a long-lasting relationship…

The Do-Nothing: Don’t get yourself trapped by someone who doesn’t enjoy life. If they find themselves sitting around on most nights smoking alone and listening to music, you really aren’t going to have much of a life together. You can’t cut pieces of a puzzle to fit; you’ll know if you mesh well with someone and if you don’t. You can’t change a person, so get over it.

www.telegraph.co.uk

For all you singles at Syracuse University looking for more than just a one-night stand, hoping to get involved with someone who has more depth and personality than a Ke$ha or Pauly D wannabe, this one’s for you.

It’s hard to find a boyfriend or girlfriend if the only places you search are frat parties, bars, and night clubs. So, I’ve compiled a list of places right here in Syracuse that I believe are the perfect places to find that special someone.

Bird Library

Whether you’re in there to actually study and get work done, or end up just sitting on Facebook—the initial intention of going to the library is always a good one—this is a great place to scout potential suitors. Especially if it’s a Thursday night when the majority of people cut through Bird on their way to the bars.

Barnes & Noble

Barnes & Noble is the perfect place to meet people. Aside from already implying that they have a good head on their shoulders, the section of the store in which you find them is a great personality indicator. Patrick Kingsley, a junior, says that aside from being one of his favorite stores, Barnes & Noble, or any bookstore for that matter, is the type of store that will imply that the person is intelligent and, also, more likely to carry great conversation.

The Gym

The gym is one of my favorite places on this list. It implies that the person is committed to health and fitness, which also means they have a less likely chance of ever letting themselves go. Sounds shallow, but it’s the truth. Danielle Kramer*, a sophomore, says the gym is where she knows she will find a dedicated guy, “especially if he’s still interested after seeing me all sweaty and not looking my absolute best.”

Wegmans/Tops

One of my best friends met her boyfriend at the Wegmans in Dewitt. The two of them would grocery shop there every week and always seemed to run into one another. After several weeks passed by of continuously seeing one another in the same aisles, they struck up a conversation about how they were both buying juice boxes as college-aged kids and he ended up asking her out on a date. Yes, a date.

Basketball Game

A basketball game is another great place to find someone who loves sports, is dedicated to their school, and knows how to have a good time with friends. Mike Montrallo*, a junior, met his girlfriend at an SU basketball game freshman year. Their group of friends sat side by side and he and she, being on the ends of both groups, wound up sitting right next to one other. “She seemed like she was really into the game and I don’t really even like basketball so it was cool seeing a girl get that into it…We’re still together,” he says.

These are just some of my suggestions, but what it really comes down to is this: Go to the places you enjoy—and I’m not talking about a party on Friday night. If you’re someone who enjoys live music, for example, and find yourself at Funk n’ Waffles during the week, chances are you’ll meet someone who shares that same interest—and only good can come from enjoying, doing and agreeing on the same things. You end up meeting the wrong people when you pretend to be someone you’re not, or do something you hate. So do what you love, enjoy what you like, and you can’t go wrong.

With Ultra this past weekend, EDC NYC at the beginning of the summer, and the dozens of shows to come before the end of the semester, it can get hard to decide what to wear to these electronic dance music (EDM) concerts. Some people dress for comfort, worried about sweating too much, and then there are the people who dress to impress. But if you’re a newbie to the rave culture and lifestyle, there’s always that initial moment of awe when you walk into an EDM festival and find yourself amongst thousands of people in wacky costumes. Alissa Meagher, a TRF major from Southern California knows exactly what this phenomenon is like.

Q: Tell me about your experience with EDM and it’s culture:

A: EDM has definitely changed my life. I’ve been to two different EDM festivals – Electric Daisy Carnival (in Las Vegas) and Electric Zoo (in New York). Besides that, I’ve been to countless other smaller one-day raves and individual concerts and shows. Some of my favorite artists live are Above & Beyond, Dada Life, Feed Me, Bloody Beetroots, Rusko, and Porter Robinson. I was recently selected to become a Syracuse campus representative for MASS EDMC, which put on the Syracuse David Guetta show back in February, and that has been an amazing experience so far. I also have my own radio show on WERW, Electricuse, every Friday where I play two full hours of EDM, and it has literally become my favorite part of my Fridays. EDM is my passion in life and I’m so excited to attend more shows and fall deeper in love with the music.

What do you typically wear at EDM concerts?

I always dress for comfort because I know I’m going to end up dancing for hours! I typically wear a cool tank or cutup shirt, booty shorts, fishnets, my Converses, and lots of kandi! I am definitely planning to go all out for EDC this year though—fluffies, fishnets, neon, everything! It’s so exciting to plan outfits for future events because you know people are always going to go crazy and get creative with their costumes.

What did you wear to your first rave?

A Deadmau5 shirt, shorts, fishnets, and my Converses.  Plus, a jacket because it was freezing! I asked my friend if my Deadmau5 shirt was okay and he said yeah, so I wore that and whatever else was comfortable. At the time, I didn’t realize how creative people got at EDM shows in LA.

Favorite fashion statements seen at raves:

I love kandi kids! They are so fun and colorful. Fluffies and fishnets are my favorite rave staples for girls. I love when guys actually dress up too!

Most outrageous outfit you’ve seen:

Probably pasties! They are kind of becoming more common now, but whenever you see a girl at a rave wearing them you’re always like “Oh my god, look, that girl is wearing pasties!”

Any shows you’re excited about going to?

EDC Las Vegas, of course! It’s going to be even more epic than last year- especially since I plan to go crazy with my outfit. Until then, I’m thinking of going to either Dirty South or Steve Aoki or Robbie Rivera with Bassjackers & Peacetreaty at the Westcott. The only problem is that I’m completely broke from my EDC ticket! But if you know me, you know I always find a way to rave.

Alissa’s Top 5 EDM songs at the moment:

1.      “Diplodocus (Kill the Noise Remix)” by Noisia
2.      “Eyes Wide Open” by Dirty South
3.      “Generation 303” by Nicky Romero
4.      “One Last Ride (Tommy Trash Remix)” by John Dahlback
5.      “Promise Me a Rose Garden” by The M Machine

EDM concerts coming near Cuse:

March 27 – EXCISION @ the Westcott Theater

March 29 – DIRTY SOUTH @ the Westcott Theater

April 5 – SBTRKT @ the Westcott Theater

April 5/6 – DAYGLOW @ Albany/ Rochester, NY

April 15-  LAIDBACK LUKE @ the Westcott Theater

April 20 – ROBBIE RIVERA @the Westcott Theater

April 21- BASSNECTAR @ the Main Street Armory, Rochester, NY

April 22 – STEVE AOKI @ the Westcott Theater

April 27- KASKADE for BLOCK PARTY @ the Carrier Dome

April 28 – ELECTRIC FLURRY: FOAM PARTY @ the Westcott Theater

May 2 – SHPONGLE @ the Westcott Theater

Is hip-hop dead? According to juniors Isaiah Travis and Cydney Nunn, hip-hop is alive and well and making its way to Syracuse University. The two music enthusiasts talk to JERK about bringing a student hip-hop organization to campus and what their favorite songs are right now. Travis, president of the organization, tells us about his experience as an artist while Nunn, secretary, talks to us about her freshman year.

1. Describe yourself in one sentence. 


IM: I am a self-motivated Syracuse University junior from Brooklyn.

CN: I am a young Syracuse University student who is very creative and independent.

2. How do you two know each other and how did you meet?

CN: We met each other at Home to the Dome and he was actually my first friend. From there we became cool because we have a lot of similar interests.

IM: Yeah, that was pretty much it. We’ve been friends ever since.

3. What exactly is this student hip-hop organization and what can we expect from it in the future? 



IM:  Well, it’s a group specific to the culture of hip-hop and those who identify with it. Its purpose and motto is “higher learning through hip-hop.” It’s an organization that was first started in 2006 at the Virginia Commonwealth University. Today there are student hip-hop organizations on eight other campuses mostly in the DMV area—DC, Maryland, Virginia. Our organization is the first in New York. We are officially recognized as a group on campus but are still in the preliminary stages. We’re currently shooting a promotional video to spread the word about us.

CN: We plan on doing a lot in the future—everything from showing documentaries on A Tribe Called Quest to listening parties and shows. I had an idea for a forum in which we could discuss how hip-hip differs regionally. There are a lot of things we hope to do with the org.

4. Do you play any instruments? 


IM:  You know, I dabbled in a few like the piano, guitar, trombone, and saxophone but I’m really not very good at any of them. I also used to rap a little bit, but it’s not really something I do.

CN: (laughs) I am talentless, but I make a good critic!

5. Freshman year at SU, you were the kid who…



IM: Was always in the computer lab at Link that nobody really knew until second semester.

CN: Went to everything freshman year. I went to every single party, every weekend, for the whole year!

6. What’s something people don’t know about you?

IM: People don’t know that I’m really bad with names.

CN: I’m kind of an open book, but I guess nobody really knows that I had a really bad lisp as a child.

7. Greatest cheesy 90s song?

IM: This is a hard one. I have to go with MC Hammer on this one, “Can’t Touch This.”

CN: Rico Suave by Gerardo. Or is that the 80s? Well, if it’s in the 90’s, that’s my answer; that song is so cheesy.

8. If you could be reincarnated as someone dead or alive, who would it be?


IM: I’m not sure I would want to be anyone else because I’m pretty happy with myself. I guess if I had to choose someone it would be LeBron James, but just for like a day and only for his athleticism.

CN: Oh, I would be Blue Ivy Carter because her life is about to be too poppin’! She has everything!

9. Favorite song out right now?

CN: “Intruder” by Wiz Khalifa. I tend to obsess over certain songs for awhile.

IM: I was going to go with that one too but I’m going to say “My Favorite Song” by Wiz Khalifa

10. Where can people go for updates on your organization? 



IM: We’ll have a Facebook page soon but for right now you can just visit www.theshho.com. Look out for our promo video coming out soon too!

Though great acts in their own rite, many question the odd pairing of a club/electro artist with a heavier alternative act. “We’re bringing the first-ever electronic headliner in the history of the Carrier Dome,” said Kenny Consor, director of UU Concerts. “We also have an amazing rock act, the first really big band that we’ve brought in a while.” Students, however, seem to disagree.

Just three hours after the announcement at midnight, #ThingsI’dRatherDoThanGoToBlockParty was a trending topic both in the US and Worldwide. The overwhelming disappointment for Block Party 2012 has become something of a joke among SU students and alumni, who have previously seen large-scale acts like Kid Cudi, Drake, and Fergie headline the event. For many, they were hoping for a larger act, likening Kaskade to 2011 Juice Jam headliner Avicii.

But here at Jerk, we like you to be informed. Before you cast your vote in support or condemnation of this year’s lineup, give the following tracks a spin:

• “Move for Me” – Kaskade
• “I Remember” – Kaskade f/ deadmau5
• “Lessons in Love” f/ Neon Trees – Kaskade
• “Hang Me Up to Dry” – Cold War Kids
• “We Used to Vacation” – Cold War Kids

www.xerxy.com

By Lauryn Botterman

“So where are you from?”

Seems like a harmless question at first, but really it’s just a vaguely disguised excuse for people to judge you based on sweeping generalizations of your hometown/region. Case in point: take a look at these candid opinions gathered from a very unscientific polling of Syracuse students.

New Jersey

Snooki and the Jersey Shore gang may have given NJ natives a bad rap. Non-New Jerseyans continuously express disdain for their trashy behavior and attitude problems. “Spoiled kids from the suburbs,” said one spiteful sophomore. It may seem that New Jersey kids have formed a sort of cult on campus—you might recognize them by their vaguely orange skin tones, bizarre accents (coffee = cauffee; water = wauder), and penchant for first-pumping at parties. But consider this: New Jerseyans are people too. Strike up a conversation with one and you might find that he or she is actually a decent, moderately classy human being.

New York

Opinions on New Yorkers widely vary by region. Long Island natives were repeatedly described as snooty and stubborn. The words “country club” and “preppy” popped up quite often as descriptors of LI culture.

On the other end of the spectrum were those who called the Big Apple their home. Street-smart and always in a rush, these guys get a rep for being somewhat confrontational and constantly bragging about the fact that they live in NYC.  In fact, anyone who lives within a 60-minute radius of the city basically claims it as his or her home. Beware of these suburb-dwelling, faux-New Yorkers though. A majority of them couldn’t find their way around the city without an iPhone.

Finally, there are those who reside in “other” parts of the Empire State. Whether they’re from a small-ish city like Syracuse or out somewhere in East Bumblefuck, their swag is certainly distinct. With slightly wonky accents, many proudly claim to have made it out of “hicksville.” Though some of these towns may have vast swaths of open land or include more cattle than humans, the general perception is that people from these areas are down-to-earth and friendly.

Massachusetts

If their inability to pronounce the letter “r” isn’t a dead giveaway, you might realize that you’re dealing with a bona fide Masshole when they won’t shut up about their beloved Red Sox or Pats. In all fairness, though, Massachusetts, like all states, is home to a wide variety of people—some are sane and fun to be with; others need to be taken in small doses. The same goes for prim-and-proper Connecticut folks and granola types from Vermont and New Hampshire. Feel free to wear your sweater vests or grow your organic hemp in peace, but you might wanna quit bragging about your hometown for five minutes.

California

California kids are usually easy to spot: when they’re not complaining about the disappointing quality of East Coast bud or shitting themselves over a few snowflakes, you can probably catch them longboarding to the nearest health food store to pick up their supply of coconut water and guac. As an east-coaster, I feel wholly unqualified to delve into the NorCal/SoCal rivalry, but apparently it’s a sin to mistake a San Franciscan for a San Diegan. Sure, Californians are chill, but maybe a tad too chill? Some can’t seem to get their heads out of LaLa Land and into the frigid, fast-paced East Coast environment. Still, it’s hard not to be jealous of their perma-tans and happy-go-lucky “whatever, bro” attitude.

Midwest

This is for you, Ohio, Illinois, Minnesota, et al. Though you may feel underrepresented as a regional demographic, take solace in the fact that many find your tranquil way of life endlessly fascinating. Aside from Chicago and a handful of other cities, the majority of students have a mental picture of your hometown as something out of Little House on the Prairie. We know you’re tired of the cow-tipping jokes and we apologize for our collective ignorance. On the bright side, students ranked Midwesterners as the some of the kindest and most genuine people on campus.

www.justinseeley.com

Photoshop is the M. Night Shyamalan of software—there are way too many versions and though there have been some gems over the years, the world could have done without most of them. Sure, there was the introduction of layers in version 3.0 in 1994 that shivered the timbers of graphic designers everywhere and GIF animation and 3-D capabilities were pretty dandy in later versions, but a slew of other updated features were nothing to wave your magnetic lasso and whoop for joy about. The “improvements” that appeared with each version never seemed to enhance the tools dedicated users predominantly use—that is, until now. After two years of lying dormant, Adobe has released the beta version of Photoshop CS6 and it’s already being called the best Photoshop in recent memory.

An instantly noticeable difference is the overhaul of the interface, which in older versions has been less visually appealing than Rosie O’Donnell spreading her legs. CS6 sports a sleek, metallic grey interface that is much less distracting and cluttered. According to Gizmodo.com, Adobe hired an expert interface designer and instructed him to “clean it all, do as you wish, make it better.” Check.

For those of you who have dancing ants in your pants, it’s time to explore a few of the other fun-filled features the latest installment of Photoshop has to offer.

Layer Selection: This might sound a little boring and not so newfangled, but to Photoshop junkies the improvements in CS6 will be nothing short of a Godsend. Working with a large number of layers is a pain in the ass, especially when they’re all different kinds. CS6 introduces a new layer management system that allows users to filter layers in the layer palette by type—kind, name, effect, mode, attribute and color.

Improved Liquify tool: Because bigger is always better, the liquify tool has a larger maximum brush size that works in real time so the user can see the effect without any lag.

Additions to Content-Aware Fill: Users now have the ability to move objects to a different part of an image and fill a spot with content taken from another part of a picture, heightening creative control.

www.intimacyspot.com

By Lindsay Dolak

With all the talk about college students being more sexually involved than academically involved, it’s hard to believe that we, as young adults in the prime of our libido-laden and testosterone-driven existences, do, in fact, struggle to find sexual partners at times. These so-called sexual ruts affect the single and coupled alike and can have immense physical, mental, and emotional impacts on our lives. I mean, these are the years to experiment, test the boundaries, and find your penis prerogative, if you will. So, what happens when the dreaded dry spell hits? Here’s how to deal during those barren days.

If You’re Single

Maintaining a solid and consistent sex life while single without being slutty isn’t easy. I’m not one to advocate whoring yourself out to the whole campus. I strongly believe that having multiple new and different sexual partners each weekend is gross. So I commend the singletons that don’t just crawl into bed with the first person that grinds on them in a frat basement. However, these people tend to look for quality, not quantity, unfortunately making them the first to fall victim to a sex rut.

What I suggest is, quite frankly, patience; you have to ride it out. Well, wouldn’t that just enhance the current demise of your sex life, you might ask? My response: It actually might enhance your sex life. “It’s not easy; honestly, it can be frustrating,” says Sarah, a sophomore. “But I always remind myself that I am much happier when I fuck one guy who’s really, really great in bed instead of three who absolutely suck.”

Anyone who isn’t absolutely hopeless and disgusting can go out and find three willing partners for each night of the weekend. But you’re better than that. You might be thinking ‘Am I really?’ Yes, you are, and there’s a much better pay off for those who find an actual sex partner instead of spreading their legs for a basic lay.

If you’re desperately seeking some kind of sexual activity right now, at this minute well, I once saw a porno in which a man fornicated with a chair. You could always try that.

If You’re Taken

It’s a common misconception that being in a relationship equates to having a consistent sex life. Sure, the first two months you guys couldn’t get your hands off of each other; you were literally banging every second you had, I’m sure. But now you’re realizing all those minutes you spent sucking and slapping should’ve been spent studying or catching up on sleep. You’re both tired and stressed—you’re human beings. Sex just might not be the only thing worth spending time doing. Blasphemy right? Maybe not.

www.campusconnect.com

There are a multitude of factors that can cause a sexual slow down and my first tip on how to get back into the mood is to admit you have a problem. You have to be conscious of any kind of addiction to work proactively to pretend to stop, meaning you have to be well aware of your sex rut to fix it. Next, you have to realize at least some of the factors causing you or your hun with a nice bun to just not be so in-it-to-sexually-win-it all of sudden. School? Family? Sexual orientation confusion? There are a lot of things that can alter sex drive. Pinpointing the source of the rut makes it that much easier to solve.

After you’ve figured out any potential mental road blocks, it’s time to figure out what the hell you’re doing wrong physically. Repetition is a great way to learn a new language and is also a great way to fall deep into a sexless well of doom. Always knocking boots in the same position? Try Cosmo’s “Torrid Tug of War” position. Constantly doing it in the same room, on the same bed, around the same time (bed time, perhaps)? Get on a bus to Carousel Center and bang it out in a dressing room mid-day.

It’s up to you to spice up your sex life. Remind yourself why sex is, and always has been, so sought out. Stop being so damn unappreciative of your living, breathing, and quite available sex toy. Don’t you know there are single people out there with sex not readily available at all times?

www.trihard.com

You’ve probably heard the age-old sentiment “communication is key.” Just because it’s an overused classic doesn’t mean it’s not the real deal. The words you use and how you phrase them when delivering a crucial message can have the power to help or hurt you. If you unintentionally lead someone on, you may end up with a stalker. If you accidentally shut someone out, you end up alone. When someone doesn’t understand what you want or feel, you just end up with confusion and lots of drama. Dodge this issue by following these simple dos and don’ts:

When you want to take it to the next level…

DO focus on what can be done to improve and advance the relationship. Tell the person what you “would really like” or “would love to see happen” to establish an even brighter future ahead.

DON’T bash what’s been going on right now. Saying what you have right now is “just not enough” can feel insulting and be interpreted as your just wanting someone else.

When you want to slow things down…

DO say you still really like the person, just not the speed of the relationship. This will let them know things are still on, but just need a little adjustment.

DON’T use words that can be used in a break up. Phrases like “take a break” and “cool off” make it sound like there’s a strong possibility the relationship is over.

When you want to take a break…

DO say you want to re-evaluate things for a specific amount of time (whether it be a week, two weeks, so on). This shows it’s not over—yet.

DON’T appear to favor one outcome. “I just need a little time apart” makes it sound like you are definitely getting back together, and “I need to be on my own right now” makes it sound like there’s no chance. If you don’t know what will happen, keep it neutral.

When you want to go back to just being friends…

DO throw in the word friend as many times as possible so they get the hint. Tell them you value them as a friend and don’t want to throw away your friendship just because being more than friends didn’t work out. Get it?

DON’T say you will always care about them, even if it’s true. Care hits too close to emotional territory and he or she will think it’s possible to get you to see them that way again. You don’t want your friend making moves on you.

When you want it to be over, for good…

DO stress that your feelings are no longer there and that they are not coming back. Harsh, but what break up isn’t? At least this way they won’t try to fix what was messed up.

DON’T give false hope just because you feel bad. For example, “I’m not sure what the future holds, but for now it just isn’t working.” You know the future holds nothing, so please clue in your soon-to-be ex as well.

Think about the last time you had an important conversation about a relationship. Whether it was good or bad, you know you constantly reread the texts and kept replaying every word of the conversation over and over again, both in your head and aloud to your friends. Just imagine your partner doing this, and you will understand why it’s so important to be clear and concise. Choose your words wisely.

www.latimes.com

Sun 3/18

- Everything’s not coming up Rosie this week. O’Donnell’s new talk show on Oprah’s OWN Network was cancelled for low ratings. For all three of you that were watching, we send our condolences.

- While Rosie may be out of a job, many others are celebrating the announcement that Wells Fargo is officially the nation’s largest bank in market value. That should keep the wallets stuffed for plenty of people.

Mon 3/19

www.laweekly.com

- Your weekly Lindsanity update: the troubled “actress” officially put herself under house arrest for the remaining week of her probation, following a hit and run incident last week.

- Mark your calendars: April 30, 2012 is the date of the first commercial space flight launch. Spring Break 2013 anyone??

www.gizmodo.com

Tues 3/20

- Careful with that swag: it was announced this week that wearing cheap jewelry could pose serious risks to your health. Don’t worry, it’s not like it didn’t already ruin your social life anyway…

- In other health news, researchers released findings on exercise-induced orgasms for women. Treadmills are expected to sell out nationwide by the end of the day.

Wed 3/21

gossip.thedailywh.at

- The drama continues: Jersey Shore juicehead Mike “The Situation” entered a rehab facility for treatment from drugs/alcohol abuse. Apparently Snooki’s not the only one cleaning up their act.

- Rocking the fashion world this week was the surprise ban on “ultra-skinny” models in Israel. Eating is the new black.

www.singersroom.com

Thurs 3/22

- Irrelevant R&B star R. Kelly announced that he will “revisit” Trapped in the Closet series. Also known as a “hip hopera.”

- A new cause for male-patterned baldness was discovered this week, leaving many middle-aged men with the hope of a full head of hair. In the meantime, fix that toupee.

Fri 3/23

www.hilaryduff-fans.com

- Lizzie McGuire is a mother. That’s right, Hilary Duff and husband Mike Comerie welcomed their first child, son Luca Cruz.

- Preteens at a New Jersey middle school will have to find other ways to break their awkward sexual tension, as the school placed a ban on hugging. Leave room for Jesus!

By Jake Prescott Hebert

Amy Bryant, a young businesswoman here in London, is dressed down for the weekend wearing a pair of red jeans rolled up midway. She chose to pair her red denim with a floral sweater and a light pink scarf. Bryant kept her pants the focal point of the outfit while still incorporating prints and other colors.

Whether you’re looking to have a simple outfit, think white tee, or you want to experiment with mixing bright colors an prints, there’s no doubt these pigmented pants are a must-have this season.

Jerk’s Picks:

shop.nordstrom.com

urbanoutfitters.com

forever21.com

www.squidoo.com

By Lindsay Dolak

The week infamously known for its crazy parties, bikini-clad slutbags in white T-shirt contests, and the potential to earn some serious STDs south of, ahem, your border is finally here. But who cares? It’s spring break, baby, and all you need to worry about is where you and your suddenly-super-slutty group of friends are shacking up for the week. Grab your bottles of Jose; here are the best places to slut it up all break long!

Cancun, Mexico

I know you’ve heard the rumors. Cancun tends to be a raging cock fest this time of year. Well, you boys might want to sit this one out, but girls, I don’t think there is really much more to discuss. Not only does Cancun offer a wide variety of ridiculous resorts dedicated to the art of raging over spring break, but also a whole bunch of horny guys probably dying to get their rocks off. If you’re looking for a hook up—or five—you can’t go wrong with Cancun.

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

If the thought of going to Mexico with a bunch of sex-hungry strangers makes you and your friends a little nervous, try going to Mexico with a bunch of sex-hungry strangers and 20 percent of your school! Puerto Vallarta is known for its student party packages and who doesn’t love a deal on drinks? So get your drunk goggles on because there’s a good chance you’re going to be hooking up with someone from school and will probably want to forget it come that post-spring break Monday. “Oh man, yeah, I hooked up with a girl in Mexico on spring break that I had class with but never talked to in class,” says Matt, a sophomore. “It was awkward the next week.”

Panama City Beach, Florida

So maybe the thought of Mexico scares you altogether. I totally get it with all those recent reports of beheadings and drug-related violence. Stick to the states instead and head south. Florida is a classic vacation spot, so why not stay where you might feel more comfortable? Panama City Beach is well-known for its not-super-expensive hotel rates and booze-filled beach day-parties. As all Syracuse University students know, day drinking is a must. This location offers the opportunity to get naked while wasted with someone during the day and then find a new hook-up at night when you get drunk all over again!

Staying Home

Okay, you’re broke and your parents don’t want to pay for all those shots and pitchers at your dream beach resort. Sucks to suck. Or does it? Say you’re from a small city in upstate NY—just a little bit better than Syracuse because it’s a few miles from a major city or fun location. What you see is your hometown, your bed, and a high probability of spending every night sharing Ben and Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns with your pug-doodle-noodle-whatever. What I see are good friends from high school, a couple of ex-boyfriends, and plenty of house parties. I know, I know hooking up with the ex over spring break is a total sin, but it’s also completely expected and definitely only frowned upon for about a week or so post-break. If people give you shit for it, remind them the odds of you having any new diseases from drinking foreign water…or people…are slim and you had a consistent hook-up all break long. In the end, you win.

Jerk profiles Alicia Zyburt, a sophomore in the College of Visual and Performing Arts.

Whatever the reason, no matter how you’re traveling you will find these three fashion crimes committed by at least one person. Some people simply don’t care, and others just need a little perspective. So read with caution because I would say 7 out of 10 people have committed at least one of the following:

1.    The “I don’t give a fuck” outfit

We all know we’ve pulled this one before—despite how “fashionable” or “trendy” you claim to be. It’s just that sometimes we really, with all honesty, just. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. You just spent the past week pulling all-nighters while studying for midterms and eating little to no food. So when it came time to leave for spring break, you just didn’t have the energy to get dressed up for the plane/train/bus/car, or whatever mode of transportation you use to attend to your travel needs. And in all honesty, you probably didn’t even start packing until about a half hour before you were scheduled to leave. You just want to get to wherever you’re going and could give a rat’s ass about who sees you on the way, just as long as you can sleep on the ride there.

2.    The “painfully fashionable” outfit

High heels, floppy hat, skinny jeans, mini dress, AND tons and tons of accessories. What in the world was she thinking? You’ll find her stopped at checkpoint, spending 10 minutes picking apart her outfit to go through the metal detectors and, afterwards, trying to put everything back on. I don’t care how good you look when traveling, less is WAY more. Not only will you get through these tedious tasks without much hassle, you also won’t piss off the people behind you in the process. And I wont even mention the five carry-on bags you’ll save.

3.    The “college or sorority/fraternity billboard” outfit

Yes, we know you’re proud. Hell, we’re damn proud too. Syracuse University students have a top ranked basketball team, the No. 1 journalism school, and most students are in a top tier sorority/fraternity—why not flaunt it? But here’s a reality check: it’s tacky. There’s no need to wear Syracuse gear from head to toe; a simple sweatshirt and jeans will do the trick. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t flaunt your orange pride or letters, I’m just sick of seeing people at the airport look like a walking advertisement. It’s embarrassing, and I’m almost scared to walk up to you and mention the fact that I ALSO go to ‘Cuse. So tone it down, and show a little less public pride.

The future of online storage doesn’t exist on Earth. Well, technically it does, but its fate lies in the feathery, metaphorical clouds that conveniently consolidate all of our files—from music to photos to movies—online. This transition is in response to consumers’ dislike of being tethered to a single device and, sure enough, Cloud-based services are materializing rapidly across the skies of software. Apple was the first major company to successfully implement the new weather pattern, and its iCloud has placated devoted users who have grown to detest the restraints of iTunes, while inspiring a new gust of aerial enthusiasts, armed with their iPhone 4s, to give the brand a whirl.

But there may be a storm brewing in the peaceful world of cloud storage.

www.tested.com

Google has embraced buoyancy and is poised to join Apple in the wild blue yonder, signaling the commencement of a battle for supremacy in the digital stratosphere. Google’s new cloud-based service, Google Play, is the amalgamation of Google Music, Google eBookstore and the Android Market. According to Wired.com, the Google Play Store is the restructured and reinvented identity of the Android Market, but will feature the same selection of books, music and movies already available on Android Market, allowing a smooth transition for users.

Google hopes people who went to the old Android Market to buy apps will purchase other types of content as well, such as electronic books or albums, making the Google Play Store a one-stop shop for all things digital. Its biggest drawback is in the music department, though, as only three of the four major recording labels—Universal Music, EMI Group Ltd. and Sony Music Group—have agreed to offer their material in the Android Market. Warner Music Group remains stubborn even as Android gives way to Google Play, leaving Apple and iTunes at the pinnacle of the digital music retail business.

And for the love of Bill Gates we can’t forget that Microsoft is in on the fluffy fun, too. Its SkyDrive cloud service is set to debut in Windows 8, meaning that the Titanic Triumvirate of Google, Apple and Microsoft are all competing in the aeronautical arena. This is where the lightning bolts start flashing.

An issue of contention arises with the topics of storage and payment. According to Wired.com, users should make sure they’re on a Wi-Fi connection before using Google Play or they may have to dish out big money for mobile data. Google will have to decide exactly how they want to handle the economics, but users can take solace in Google Play’s policy of no storage costs. This may up Google’s attraction as iCloud offers a somewhat stingy 5GB of storage and it’s rumored that SkyDrive will implement an annual fee for heavy users.

With Google’s introduction of Google Play, the Cloud War has officially begun, and this condensation crusade isn’t likely to dissipate any time soon.

www.droid-life.com

Tired of your digital camera? Is your Instagram account not getting the attention it deserves? Well now digital and analog connoisseurs can rejoice because the future of photography is here with the new Lytro camera. The Lytro camera is a new device that allows you to play with and adjust certain aspects of your photo after you’ve taken it in a way that iPhoto or Photoshop can’t.

The pictures are square, much like a Polaroid photograph or an Instagram rip-off; however, the quality of the images is stunning. The Lytro focuses on two main qualities in the image: light and focus. A conventional digital camera can only capture a single plane of light in its lens, whereas, a Lytro can capture the entire light field. Therefore, pornographic photos shot in the daylight can glisten like never before.

Where the Lytro really excels is in the focusing field. Capturing light and color from all directions allows you to focus your photo after you’ve taken it. Any part of the picture can be focused and re-focused and shared in a digital format that allows your fans and viewers to do the same. Uploading some crazy party pictures from the night before will completely change with the ability to focus and see who’s getting sloppy in the background of your best friend’s new profile picture.

The Lytro camera sports a small rectangular design and comes in three different colors (red, blue, and grey) and both 8GB ($399) and 16GB ($499) models. It has an 8x optical zoom with a sensitive glass touch screen that allows you to tap to adjust the exposure. The device also weighs in at less than eight ounces making it perfect to slip in your pocket or purse for on-the-go photos.

In a time where most digital photography is taken on a smartphone, it’s great to see a company with a new and original camera-design. Those who love the vintage look and feel of analog photography will always have the past, but those looking for innovation in the digital photography world: Lytro gives you the future.

What are your thoughts on the Lytro camera? And where do you stand on the analog vs. digital debate?

www.justjared.com

Sunday 3/4

- Everyone’s favorite train wreck, Lindsay Lohan, hosted SNL over the weekend. The episode scored big in the ratings, seeing as it’s the closest we’ll ever get to a fusion of Jersey Shore/Celebrity Rehab.

- Another big winner in the numbers this week was the premiere of Dr. Seuss’ ‘The Lorax,’ which raked in $70.7 Million at the box office.

www.madamenoire.com

Monday 3/5

- A pregnant Snooki announced this week that she is also engaged to baby-daddy Jionni LaValle. Shotgun wedding, anyone??

- Speaking of princesses, Disney’s first black princess endorsed watermelon candy and stereotypes this week with the launch of the ‘Dig’n’Dips’ candy line.

Tuesday 3/6

- Football phenomenon Tim Tebow was approached by ABC to star in the next season of ‘The Bachelor.’ Yes, single Christian gals everywhere, it’s game time.

- Everyone’s favorite self-proclaimed bachelor, Mike “The Situation,” launched his own gossip site called ‘Sitch News.’ The site will chronicle everything GTL, DTF, and Grenade-free.

www.sky.com

Wednesday 3/7

- As anticipated, Apple launched the new iPad 4G this week. The new model is heavier and bulkier than its predecessors, prompting the question, “Is bigger really better?”

- A VERY pregnant Jessica Simpson posed nude on the cover of ‘Elle,’ following in the footsteps of other pop star moms like Britney, Beyoncé, and Celine.

Thursday 3/8

www.kellyclarkson.com

- Kelly Clarkson announced that she has had a secret boyfriend for “some time” now, once and for all assuring us that she is not a lesbian. We can all sleep easier now.

- A new report has officially declared teen smoking in America an ‘epidemic.’ That’s such a drag…

www.annievranizan.com

Friday 3/9

- Singer John Mayer has cancelled his “comeback” tour amidst growing vocal issues. Sorry dude, but Adele beat you to the punch.

- And good news for all you women headed to Friday Happy Hour: A new study suggests that women who unwind with a cocktail at the end of the day lowers their risk of having a stroke. Bottoms up, ladies!

By Jake Prescott Hebert

Brian Brister, a Newhouse graduate student, former choir boy, and self-taught photographer, refuses to match his socks and can’t succeed in hiding his southern accent.

www.twittertips.com

By Lauryn Botterman

If you haven’t jumped on the Twitter bandwagon yet, you might want to join soon because you’re missing out on a world of genuinely informative, entertaining, clever, and hilarious info—all packaged into concise 140-character-or-fewer blurbs. Here’s how Twitter can change your life:

#CurrentEvents

No time to read the paper in the morning? Not a problem. You can still fake being an informed citizen by following a vast array of news outlets on Twitter. Most send real-time updates on current events and link to articles on their home websites. Search trending topics to stay up-to-date on stories that interest you the most. There’s no excuse for not knowing the latest information when all it takes is a quick scroll through your smartphone to catch up on breaking news.

Here is just a sampling of the many media outlets and journalists that you can follow:@nytimes, @CNN, @TIME, @ABC, @andersoncooper and @Newsweek.

#Connections

If used in a strategic manner, your Twitter account can be an important tool in building your personal brand and finding employment opportunities. Mashable.com offers insightful tips on constructing a professional social media presence. You can @ reply your professors or business leaders to network and pose inquiries. Speaking of professionalism, you should probably consider making separate accounts for your personal life and a PG-rated one for career/school-related matters. Potential employers do not need or want to see your semi-coherent 3 a.m. drunk rants. (Read: #DrunkTweets)

#Celebrities

How do people function without knowing what Demi Lovato (@ddlovato) ate for breakfast?! How can you start your day without checking to see where @Avicii partied last night? Twitter is pretty much a legalized form of stalking, and you won’t understand the unique thrill of knowing every detail of your favorite celebrity’s life until you follow them.

Lots of fictional characters also now have Twitter accounts. You can follow Barbie (@BarbieStyle: “Ken really is the ultimate dream date… he’s taken such good care of me all day!”) or even Lord Voldermort (@Lord_Voldemort7: “#sexualpickuplines: Want to let my snake enter your Chamber of Secrets?”). It never gets old.

#DrunkTweets

If enough of your friends and/or acquaintances have accounts, Twitter is probably most entertaining between the hours of midnight and 4 a.m. Drunk tweeting is just like drunk texting, except a lot more public and amusing. The thoughts that people decide to broadcast after a few too many cocktails are endlessly hilarious. Just be mindful of your own tweets while under the influence. You don’t want to check your account in the morning to find that you revealed a little too much info about your late-night adventures… #oops.

P.S.: Don’t forget to follow @jerkmagazine!

There are few abodes more humble than the dorm room. With its average surface area of 10 by 15 feet, the dorm room

www.hercampus.com

has little room to share with its inhabitants, especially after you add two beds, two dressers, and two desks to the equation. But what’s more frustrating than not having space to spread out your work materials and pretend to study? Not having space to get it in. We’ve all been there. The beds barely even fit you and your beloved Build-A-Bear, so how are they supposed to accommodate you and your hopefully well-endowed hunk of the evening?

The answer is taking advantage of the landscape and here’s how:

1.     Get out of bed

Your mom’s been yelling this at you since your senior year of high school and it’s about time you started listening! Those beds are tiny, the mattresses are thin and lumpy, and missionary makes the springs creak. Have your man sit on the edge of your bed and then climb aboard. Straddle him as he holds you on his lap. He’ll enjoy it because it’s a close cousin to the classic girl on top, but your bodies are closer and he’s deeper. I don’t know too many guys who would complain about that and if they do, the only thing their dicks deserve to be deep in is one of their Nike Dri-Fits.

2.     Use your study space

You know, Syracuse University is nice enough to provide you with those fine pieces of musty furniture called desks and you should show your appreciation by using it for work as much as possible. And by work, I mean the kind that will really make you sweat. There are few better positions than ones involving you sitting on a surface with a man standing in between your legs. He still gets to control the motions so his ego is getting stroked as well as his penis and you get to feel like you’re in a super sexy porn scene.

Bonus*: The desk isn’t the only furniture you can turn into a sex toy. “During foreplay one time, the guy picked me up and sat me on my dresser. The height was perfect so he could go down on me while he was standing. Just had to bend at the waist a little,” Rachel, a sophomore, said. “It was glorious.”

3.     Stand up and stretch your legs

Or should I say spread your legs? Those dorm room walls don’t have to be restricted to holding up pictures of you and your friends in slutty clothes on the weekends and your “Keep Calm and Drink On” poster. What are walls really for if not supporting your hot and heavy sex sesh? If you’ve never been pinned against a wall, it’s incredibly sexy and highly recommended. “A girl in between me and a wall with her leg on my shoulder? Few things are more beautiful than that,” Christopher, a junior, says. It can be a little awkward to coordinate at first, but with a little practice—and who wouldn’t want to practice that?—I’m quite sure it’ll be a new favorite and a definite go-to in no time.

There’s really much more surface area to take advantage of in your jail cell of a room than you might initially see, and once you get started with your erotic experimentation you might not be able to stop. So here are a few inches of surface area you should avoid:

• The carpet. Three words: rug burn scars.
• Desk chair. These chairs are not as sturdy as the trees they came from.
• Common room couch/other school-provided community furniture. You weren’t the first, you won’t be the last and that’s not an old stain from some spilled Easy Mac.
• Your roommate’s bed. Do you want to sleep on sheets soggy from the fluids of someone else’s fantastic round of fucking? Neither does your roommate.

A fresh scarification piece designed after an Aztec headdress.

This worldly tattoo and piercing shop will scar you for life–if you ask.

By Nate Hopper | Photos by Liz Reyes

In many ways, Scarab Body Art Studios reflects the tattoos etched onto its owner, John Joyce. Both the swaths of black Polynesian symbols swirling around his torso and the foreign statuettes and masks nodding down from the walls embody an appreciation for centuries of tattooing and piercing tradition. And like the spirals crawling around John’s back, the studio also represents transformation and reverence.

The walls are not plastered with tattoo flash—the pictures of cookie-cutter designs indigenous to most shops and a trap Joyce himself fell prey to at 17 years old. He stumbled into a shop, had a design from off the wall inked onto him for the first time, and hated the tattoo within six months. That mistake inspired Joyce’s rule that Scarab’s artists must customize each design to a client’s personal idea.

Scarab Body Arts, located in downtown Syracuse, NY.

Today, boxier blackwork covers that first tattoo—the only part of Joyce’s design without a direct connection to Polynesian symbolism. His respect for tribal cultures grows from the time he spent on his grandfather’s lap as a child, gaping at issues of National Geographic and pinching his nose as he wondered how septum piercing works. Now his shop offers piercing and massage (Joyce is a licensed masseuse), sells jewelry, and practices a tradition much older than tattoos: scarification, in which the artist cuts a design into someone’s skin, leaving a scar behind.

The process isn’t as gory or savage as it sounds. Many compare the pain and bloodletting to the outlining stage of a tattoo. And when Joyce works on a scar, his scalpel looks more like a feather sliding across the skin than a knife slicing into it.The history of body modification— before anesthesia and saline wipes, when scars and tattoos commemorated a first kill or a marriage, or only marked sailors and criminals in Western society— is more brutal than the present.The same goes for the history of Scarab’s building: the bricks of Joyce’s studio, now glazed over with white paint, used to enclose a slaughterhouse.

A mouth-watering peek into the kitchen of everyone’s favorite barbecue joint.

At 9:30 a.m., Dinosaur Bar-B-Que already bustles. Thirty or so employees dash around the kitchen. They prep food, load smokers, and ensure that the mac and cheese, coleslaw, and, of course, the sauce- slathered meat will be ready by the time the first hungry customer rolls through at 11 a.m. It’s a culinary ballet.

“I just remember my first day, and going holy cow,” says Mike Nugent, the current general manager of the Syracuse restaurant and a Dino employee for the past 12 years. “To see the volume of food we were making, and the number of people who were waiting—I couldn’t fathom it.”

Whether he spends his workday acting as smoke-master or making cornbread, Nugent loves working at the number one barbecue joint in America, according to Good Morning America viewers.

After all, Dinosaur may have graduated from cooking up ‘cue in a 55-gallon drum to a much more high-tech setup, but the fervent dedication to high-quality eats has always remained the same.

SMOKER "It's a rotisserie, so the meat gets a nice, even smoke line on it. The defining thing with smoking is the penetration of the smoke rings. When you cut into a bris- ket, you can see a nice defined pink ring, which is a true sign of good barbecue."

LETTUCE PUNCHER "You have your nice salad that you order, but instead of going through and manually cutting all the lettuce, we just use this. If we were to do everything manually, it would be unbelievable. "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All right Jerk fashionistas, I’m not going to bullshit you. I come from a small, suburban town and a middle-class household in Southern California. So after paying $50,000+ to be here, I don’t necessarily jump at the chance to spend $100 dollars for a tank top like at other boutiques. But I’ve noticed while walking down Marshall St.—amongst being called “pretty girl” and being bantered at about sales on Syracuse sweaters—a legitimate little shop with some damn good style.

If you’re looking for affordable prices, daily sales, and an experience while shopping, I’ve discovered Some Girls Boutique to be exactly that.

Some Girls: An Insiders Look

Walking into the boutique I was lucky to have the owner of both the Troy and Syracuse locations, Margaret Partyka, at my disposal. She refers to both her team and customers as “bunnies”—yes, I immediately thought Playboy bunnies too. But in her case, she is comparing her girls to cute, little, actual bunnies. She prides herself on these ladies and respects them. “Everyone who works here is a personal stylist and a creative, stylish problem solver,” Partyka says.

And I saw this in action. There was a gawky, tall girl trying on a painfully short dress for her frame at the time, and Tara DeSalvo, manager of the Syracuse location, went straight to fixing the problem. “The yellow dress looked so much better. This one might be too short for your body,” she advised the customer. And voilà, she was damn right. The Some Girls team prides themselves on “kindness and flyness,” giving each customer a unique, one-on-one experience while shopping at the store. I also got the opportunity to spy in on the decisions made about new pieces they wanted to add to the Some Girls inventory. “This works, that works, oooh I like this, they won’t buy that now, we need more mullet skirts,” were just some of the comments thrown around.

The Syracuse location primarily consists of Syracuse student-employees, who work with Some Girls in their specific department of interest. Internships with the store include: photography, writing, modeling, and public relations.

Some Girls Style Spotlight: Kali Mehrotra

Kali is currently the writing and modeling intern for the Some Girls Syracuse location. She not only has a deep understanding of the store and its products, but also has an individual style that stands out amongst what we would typically expect from a Syracuse sorority girl. She’s both edgy and girly, wearing black combat boots one day and sparkly Toms the next. She’s most known for being the face of Some Girls, becoming Facebook-famous over night. And though seemingly standoffish when you meet her anywhere else; her energy in the store is magnetizing.

My Favorite Some Girls Pieces

1. Little Black Dress

2. Most Unique Accessory

3. Most Wanted

Check out this trippy rendition of “Hosanna” by Those Ghostfuckers.

(Video filmed for Shortform Production)

Once we return from spring break, we will have less than two months left of the semester. WTF, didn’t we just get started? Sure, it’s depressing. You may feel like you haven’t really left your mark yet, or accomplished anything important. Many of us may be disappointed with our “game” so far this year, but fear not, time has not run out.

www.campusbeat.com

Spring is the perfect time for the single-ish crowd to get involved with someone. Since we’ll soon part for the summer, there’s no pressure to declare a full-fledged relationship. It’s time to get yourself a spring fling.

Step 1: Spring break.

Although the spring fling is casual and not entirely exclusive, you may not be able to slut it up as much as usual once involved with someone. That being said, utilize spring break to get it all out of your system. Over spring break you can be anyone you want to be so why not be your craziest self? This is also a great time to try out a new flirting style. Whether you try being daring and gutsy or coy and subtle, get out of your comfort zone and see how it plays out. Whoever you meet may show you exactly what you’re looking for in a spring fling.

Step 2: Back to reality.

If one of your hookups from break happens to go to your school, you’ve got the start of a spring fling right there. Since they most likely don’t, let’s find one. Now that the weather is getting nicer, try to find a fling outside of your building. At least then you no longer can use the bad weather as an excuse for bad hookups. Potential flings are everywhere—just start looking.

Step 3: What exactly is a spring fling?

This differs from case to case, but try to adhere to the 3 C’s: consistent, casual and classy. By consistent, you should both be making an effort to see each other frequently. If you don’t, then it’s not a spring fling, just a spring random. By casual, remember this is not a relationship. If you two are at the same place, be together there, but if you are at separate parties, give it some leeway. Try to set some ground rules on what can or cannot happen with other people to avoid confusion. Lastly, keep it classy. A spring fling doesn’t need drama. If he or she isn’t living up to these simple expectations, feel free to walk away in a calm manner, since this is a casual situation. Leave the drama for your eventual significant other, or you’ll end up looking insane.

www.jm-fashgasm.com

Step 4: Goodbye spring, hello summer.

Once school lets out, the fling is over. This can probably go unsaid, but it may depend on how you and your fling operate. Since you haven’t declared anything official, it is pretty much implied that as you part ways there is no commitment. If yours is somehow so successful that you want to turn it into a relationship, do so at your own risk. For those of us who want to move on, we all know summer lovin’ beats a spring fling any day.

Who says tights should only be worn with dresses and skirts? Christina Jones, a junior broadcast journalism major, says that she has been inspired by the tights trend while abroad in London. “I’ve seen a lot of girls wearing all types of tights here with shorts. I love the trend because you can mix and match. It really changes up an outfit.”

Tights are also a great way to add more options to your wardrobe during these cold winter months when staying warm is a must but wanting to look cute is just as important. Christina’s simple outfit, a white lace top from American Apparel worn with a simple jean short (also from American Apparel), is instantly transformed into something funky, fun, and worthy for a night on the town. All by simply adding a pair of patterned tights, these being from London’s major department store: Primark.

However, you don’t need to be abroad in the UK or Europe to follow the tights trend. It seems that many stores are now starting to carry a wide variety of funky tights, in all different kinds of colors and patterns; one popular brand being House of Holland, whose biggest customers include singers like Rihanna and Jessie J.

Whether you want to throw on some fun tights just to keep warm or enhance your outfit, it’s a no-brainer that this trend is definitely a ‘do’ that turns any ordinary outfit into an extraordinary fashion statement.

Stick to these simple rules to save your rep.

DON’T be the first one to arrive

It’s obviously über awks to show up at an empty house and start dancing to Avicii by yourself. Timing is everything. Arrive too early and you look like an overly enthusiastic freshman (because you probably are an overly enthusiastic freshman). Get there too late and the drinks will be long gone, and you’ll have a slim chance of pushing through the crowds to find an iota of empty space. You need to find that magic window of time when the party’s just getting into full swing, but hasn’t yet reached its peak. That way you’ll be there for the prime party period. Also, don’t overstay your welcome. If you and your wingman are the only people left besides two couples making out in the corner, it was probably time to leave half an hour ago. Make like a banana and split—ASAP.

DO wear something that makes you feel confident

Whether it’s a casual night or a themed event, you want to pick an outfit that makes you feel good. Anything too slutty, dowdy, messy, tight, itchy, or painful should be avoided. Case in point: I think every girl has discovered that having to constantly adjust an ill-fitting strapless bra is both extremely obnoxious and an accident waiting to happen. Confidence and comfort is key. You’ll thank yourself later when you notice that your stylish ensemble is still fully intact despite the fact that you’re thiiiisclose to being blackout drunk.

DON’T spill your drink on everyone around you

There’s nothing worse than having a full Solo cup’s worth of Natty Light rudely spilled all over your hair and shirt. Drunken, half-assed apologies are not acceptable. Either enjoy your drink in an empty spot away from the dance floor or invest in a sippy cup. For real though, I understand that it’s crowded and dark, but you still need to mind your manners.

DO take your vomit elsewhere

If you’re feeling queasy, it is highly appreciated that you attempt to move to a space where your risk of projectile vomiting on unsuspecting strangers is significantly lowered. It’s OK to admit that you overdid it—grab a friend to hold your hair back and head outside or to the nearest bathroom the minute your stomach starts to churn. Puking in a densely populated area is generally not the best way to win over a crowd.

Still looking for advice? Take some tips from these real-life partiers who have learned from experience:

“Don’t try to dance with a girl while her boyfriend is standing right next to you. Learned that the hard way.” – Chris, sophomore broadcast and digital journalism major

“Have a friend remind you that you’re not wearing underwear before you start dancing on any elevated surfaces.” –Anonymous, sophomore illustration major

“Use a buddy system and make sure you know where your buddy is at all times.” –Kristina, sophomore public relations major

“If you’re a guy and don’t have at least 4 or 5 girls with you, it’s probably not even worth trying to get into a party.” – E.J., freshman accounting major

“If you’re doing anything more than making out, get a room.” – Casey, freshman political science major

“Everclear is never a good idea.” – Jessica, junior psychology and economics major

By Rachel Ousley

TOP TRACK: “Alright with Me”

BOTTOM TRACK: “The Low”

4 Nancies

Accents’ Growth and Squalor opens with “Underwater,” which starts out bluesy and becomes angry and brooding.The lyrics reflect the attitude: “I’m gonna break your lonely heart, and I’m gonna tear your life apart.” This contrasts with the rest of the album, which is more subdued.The album becomes redundant in the middle, with songs like “Storms” and “The Fog” blending together. There are standout tracks, however, like “Alright with Me” and “Seeds” that showcase vocal strength backed by beautiful instrumentation. Growth and Squalor is, in the end, a solid album with sounds ranging from folk to alternative and everything in between.

By Billy Waters

TOP TRACK: “Carry On”

BOTTOM TRACK: “One Foot”

2 Nancies

For those familiar with the debut album, Aim and Ignite, from New York City-based electro-indie band FUN., Some Nights might come as a shock. The tracks are reminiscent of early 2000s pop- punk in the vein of Fall Out Boy orThe All-Ameri- can Rejects, but with far smoother vocals. While the album as a whole is a bit overpowering with its shouted mechanical harmonies and stomping drum beats, some songs are refreshingly dance- tastic. At the very least, Some Nights will leave you saying, “That was… fun.”

By Walker Kampf-Lassin

TOP TRACK: “Mercy Go Round”

BOTTOM TRACK: “If You Can’t Swim”

2 Nancies

For the past several years, lush electronic production has saturated indie music with vocal sampling, programmed drums, and moody synths. That’s why it’s refreshing to hear the first track on Giant Orange, the band’s third LP,burst with rigid screaming guitars and chug along like it’s 1975. Unfortunately, the rest of the album is a stale rock revival. The guitar textures are redundant, and
the vocals, though admirably unaltered, become tiresome and expressionless, with songs lasting far longer than necessary. Giant Orange is an earnest attempt to go against the grain, but Cheap Girls could’ve put up a much better fight.

TORTURED ARTISTS: FROM PICASSO AND MONROE TO WARHOL AND WINEHOUSE, THE TWISTED SECRETS OF THE MOST CREATIVE MINDS 

By Tom Charles

Sad souls make beautiful artists. Just look at Kurt Cobain and Sylvia Plath. It’s precisely this lack of anguish that prevented Taylor Swift from landing herself a spot in Christopher Zara’s book, Tortured Artists, which chronicles the innermost conflicts that pushed some of history’s most spectacular artists to greatness.

Each of the book’s eight sections lump together a collection of mini-profiles on artists who spent their lives tormented by similar demons. Johnny Cash and Andy Warhol, for example, both experienced childhood trauma comparable to the mental scarring Picasso suffered in his youth. Picasso’s 3-year-old eyes would never forget the image of his mother prematurely give birth during an earthquake.This graphic image fueled his insatiable libido, a trait that influenced much of his work. Conversely, Jane Austen and Dante Alighieri were both haunted by their lack of swagger. After falling head-over-heels for the breathtaking Beatrice Portinari, Dante spent the next 30 years cursing his inability to get her in the sack. With the fire still burning for his lost love, he wrote The Divine Comedy, and constructed today’s perceptions of heaven and hell in the process.Talk about the one who got away.

If there’s one thing to learn from this book, it’s that the College of Visual and Performing Arts won’t teach you shit. A lesson for all you striving artists: drop out of school and throw a skeleton or two in your closest. It’ll do you a world of good.

By Carly Wolkoff

TOP TRACK: “Sandias”

BOTTOM TRACK: “Motion Control”

3 Nancies

If Virtual Boy aimed to mimic the synth-heavy music found on most 80s and 90s video games, then they succeeded with their eponymous debut album. The Los Angeles-based electronic duo begins dramatically, with the escalating rings of “Motion Control” emulating the most obnoxious arcade music. While this theme of bass-heavy, Auto-Tune-ridden pinball music pervades most of the album, the classically trained Preston Walker and Henry Allen shine through on simpler tracks like “Corrales,” which resembles the sound of electronic duo Ratatat.

By Eric Vilas-Boas | Illustration by Meghan Adams

TOP TRACK: “Cold War”

BOTTOM TRACK: “Whatever”

2 Nancies

By Drew Roberts | Photo by Alisa Dubik

MEMBERS:

Benjamine Sapp: vocals, guitar; Leah Rizzo: vocals; Neil Hueber: drums; Sarah Trad: cello; Blake Propst: bass; Kay Vanderlyn: trumpet.

ACTIVE SINCE:

October 2009

SOUND:

Indie soul-folk plus a pinch of punk. Some songs, like “The Absent,” oscillate between light-breezy and hard-heavy.

Models: Haley Schluter, Micaela Scully, Maxwell Brown, Justin DeMarco, Eric DelNero, Patrick Grant, Patrick Warden, Jordan Amick, Daniel Carr, Jake Hebert

Toddlers & Tiaras isn’t just on your TV

Photos and Story by Sam Okazaki

In Central New York, families do not take pageantry with a grain of blush. The area is a hotbed of competitors and queens. Some participants treat their pageant selves like secret aliases—tucking their frilly dresses into costume trunks and donning regular clothes for school and work. Many of the families, however, live pageantry with every breath. Participants spend their weekends caravanning to various competitions and their cash on fake teeth and hairpieces. The girls walk and talk like they’re always on stage, and the parents coach them like drill sergeants.

The lives of entire families revolve around pageants. And sometimes they compete together from childhood onward. Sue Lamarre, 39; her sister Jackie, 37; and their mother, Gertrude, 64, compete throughout New York. They’ve passed the tradition onto their kids too. Sue’s 6-year- old daughter, Anna, and Jackie’s daughters, Destiny, 6, and Shaylenn, 14, also compete. In the fall of 2011, all six competed in Angel Face Pageants in Owego, N.Y. There are 11 age divisions in the Angel Face contest. They range from the 40-and-above Miss competition to the Teeny Baby Miss contest for less-than-1-year-olds. And while the highest scorers win crowns, contestants of all ages leave with—and look like—a trophy.

Caitlin Costner, 7, sits as Miss Wendy applies fake eyelashes. Most girls wear the lashes and fake hairpieces to add the "pop and edge that they need to win," says Miss Wendy.

Pageant moms rush for hours before the competition to get everyone as pageant-pretty as possible, while some girls play on cellphones and bask in the pampering.

Destiny Hosmer, 6, makes a face to her family after missing her turn during the final event. Angel McCannon looks on as she, Kierstyn Saylor, and Caitlin Costner wait for their turns.

Anna Parrott, 6, helps her cousin Shaylenn McChesney, 14, into her gown. Four generations of contestants pack into their hotel room, with four hair and outfit changes per person.

In college, weekend nights are used for a lot of things. There’s recreational activities, such as Beer Olympics, opportunities to enhance social skills via bar and/or frat hopping, and of course stress relief, i.e. sex. But what happens when what is supposed to be the ultimate release of pent-up tension turns into a stressful situation in itself? You’re raring to go and ready for a relieving romp sesh and then, suddenly, the sex just sucks. Too aggressive, too awkward, or just too drunk? Here is how to deal with a horny hoe-down gone wrong.

Overly Aggressive

So things are heating up and everything seems to be going smoothly when suddenly…is that a chokehold he’s got you in? Is she moaning and writhing so wildly that you actually fear for a second that the next time she pulls back your dick might go with her? I guess you can’t blame the aggressively erotic for being into the motions, but if your ass is screaming from being slapped and you’re choking more than you’re moaning, something has gone wrong.

The best way to deal with these types is to be aggressive back, just not in the same way. Tell them it hurts; tell them it’s too much. Those are your organs up in there that are coming close to puncturing, after all. If you can, try to stop the madness during foreplay before things get too out of hand. “If a guy puts his hand on the back of my head and tries to control what I do while I’m giving him head, I get up and tell him to do it himself,” Teresa, a sophomore, said. Early action is the best way to prevent injury and potential life-long physical scarring.

Inhibited by Awkwardness

There are few things worse than the inexperienced experienced. I’m talking about those people who have done the dirty a few times, but still do it like they’ve never done it before—and not in the exhilarating way. These are the people so awkward in bed you’d think they were afraid of your genitals. They handle your dick like it’s a lizard they found up the creek when they were six years old. They grope and grab your parts like you’re a limp balloon filled with sand; they flat-out have no idea what to do with your naked flesh and it could not be more obvious.

Awkward sex is bad for two reasons: 1) It’s not pleasurable, it’s not fun, and it’s not enjoyable at all and 2) How the hell are you supposed to keep from laughing? Trust me, I know bad sex is a major social problem and certainly nothing to joke about, but it’s next to impossible not to giggle at the horny and helpless. You could put up with it because you don’t want to embarrass them. Then again, you’re probably going to say something to your friends once you’re finally done with the disastrous deed so my advice would be to take the initiative. Alleviate that awkwardness by climbing on top. Maybe you’ll teach him or her a few things and save their next victim from their struggle with sex.

Too Damn Drunk

Translation: he can’t get it up. In many cases, intoxicated intimacy can be a great time. Inhibitions are forgotten as alcohol gives way to one’s true internal sexual deviant.  However, there is a line. It’s the line between lasting forever and never getting the chance to begin. It’s whiskey dick. “It just makes everyone feel uncomfortable. Most girls don’t know what to do with a soft dick and the guy just feels like a complete asshole,” Todd, a sophomore, said. Here comes a round of the blame game. The guy blames himself, thinking he’s going to have to start a Viagra regimen at the age of 20. The girl blames herself for not being attractive enough or good enough to keep him hard.

The real culprits here are Jack, Jose, and Jim, but they’re not in the room to explain themselves. It’s just you, your partner and the awkward, soft elephant in the room. I’d play off the intoxication. You’re both at least a little drunk so why not fake it a little, get a little more mentally drunk if you catch my drift. Pretend you don’t care. Suggest going back to the party, ordering food, anything to get him to cover up that little naked mole rat in between his legs. If all else fails, tell him you don’t even remember it happening the next morning. He might not believe you, but I’m willing to bet he won’t admit it.

careerchoice.com

By Lauryn Botterman

It’s easy to lose track of your spending in college. Shit gets expensive pretty quickly, and you might not realize it until you (or your angry parents) get the bill at the end of the month. Yes, we all know you’ll be raking in a seven-figure salary the moment you graduate, but in the meantime you gotta save that ca$h. Here are JERK’s official tips to stay on budget.

Steal Shit (legally)

No, I am not advocating shoplifting in any way, shape, or form. All I’m sayin’ is that you should use your resources wisely. If you interpret that as smuggling 12 apples, a pitcher of chocolate milk, a couple Ziploc bags’ worth of cereal, and a few extra slices of pizza from the dining hall, then so be it. You obviously planned on eating all of that as part of your meal anyway. Last time I checked, no one had officially quantified the amount of food one meal swipe can get you, so I say the more, the merrier. Don’t forget to throw in a few dozen plastic utensils on your way out. Stocking up in bulk is the way to go.

Of course it’s tempting to order Chinese food or Jimmy John’s every night, but that will add up fast. Make take-out a once-a-week treat and try to stick to the semi-decent choices at your nearest dining hall for the majority of your meals. Supplement with broke-college-kid staples such as ramen noodles, instant oatmeal, and assorted yogurts. It ain’t gourmet, but it’s good enough.

 Beverage Bargains

Nonalcoholic:

Caffeine is obvs the number one sustenance of sleep-deprived college students everywhere. A day without coffee is basically unthinkable. But your daily run to Starbucks for that $4 skinny vanilla latte will wreak havoc on your wallet. Avoid the expense and the infinite line and head over to People’s Place under Hendricks Chapel instead. A well-known campus gem, yet still underappreciated. $1 for a damn good cup of coffee—can’t beat it. Bring your own reusable cup and they’ll slash the price in half.

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol:

Nothing will empty a bank account quicker than a few nights at the bars every week. Your intoxicated self is not very financially responsible. Yep, you just blew $50 on a couple rounds of shots for your friends and subsequent late-night snacks on Marshall Street. And if you do not own a vagina, your chances of getting any drinks for free are slim to none. My advice? Pregame with cheap drinks that you can make at home (like these) and then chip in for a bargain pitcher of beer when you go out.  You have all of your mid-to-late twenties to prance around chic nightclubs and bars in your city of choice. Hopefully, by then you will have a real job and can afford to sip on top-shelf liqueurs and brightly colored Cosmos. College is a special four years of your life reserved for mass consumption of Natty Lite, Barton’s, and other drinks that taste vaguely of horse piss. Cheers!

Beware of Imaginary Money

Always relying on your SUpercard or debit/credit credit card can be extremely dangerous. Simply swipe and voilà—magic! It all seems so easy and convenient. But remember that somewhere along the line, someone is going to get the bill, and you might be shit outta luck when your balance plunges to $0 within two weeks. Use cash at least once in a while so that you’re more aware of your daily spending.  Figure out how much you shell out in a week and search for ways to reduce your costs. You don’t have to become a crazy coupon lady (or man) to find substantial savings.

If you’re still struggling to stick to a budget, check out some of the information available through Syracuse’s Office of Financial Aid. They offer valuable advice for students looking for financial guidance and can help you find a job on or near campus. It’s a great resource right at your fingertips.

Smart phones with Internet capability, voice command and a slew of other unnecessary yet utterly addicting features are the norm—a fact that 20 years ago would have combusted the craniums of our counterparts who thought their device with a machete-sized antenna was the pinnacle of advancement. Life pre-iPhone is unimaginable, and those who are still waiting to ride the revolution look at their ancient phones from 2001 and wonder what they’re missing.

Although smart phones dominate the globe, they are not fully universal. Their sleek screens feel like a slab of slate to the touch, leaving the visually impaired in the dark. There is an extreme concern among the blind community that the propagation of smart phones is making them “truly blind,” a legitimate worry due to the totally tactile nature of the devices. People who are visually impaired have had to resort to thousand-dollar machines or ineffective virtual keyboards, but a new development may alleviate their distress.

According to CNN.com, an app called BrailleTouch is set to be released in a few weeks and will facilitate touch-screen typing for the visually impaired. Available for both Apple and Android devices, the app uses a system that is controlled with six fingers and does not require any movement of the hands. Users hold the phone horizontally with the screen facing away from them and wrap their index, middle and ring fingers of both hands around it. Unfortunately, the app can’t be programmed as the standard keyboard on the iPhone, though it can on Android phones, but the technology is a huge victory in opening touch-screen typing to the blind and visually impaired.

It’s also an act of reassurance that technology developers are continuing to keep people with disabilities like visual impairments in mind.

“I can tell you that the Apple website has a whole lot of info on how the iPhone, iPad and Mac are usable by blind people right out of the box,” Stephen Kuusisto, director of the Renée Crown University Honors Program, said. Kuusisto was born blind.

The app, which will be free and open-source, may even lessen the need for sighted people to look at their phones. They only need to take the time to memorize the braille keypad layout and are able to type on their phones without the need to avert their eyes from a TV show or the intersection they’re crossing.

BrailleTouch has limitations, although it’s a remarkable step in the right direction.

“The advent of assistive technology as a built-in feature of new pocket PCs and smart phones has transformed the lives of people with disabilities,” Kuusisto said. “It’s a great new era!”

There are two things most people know about men. 1) They are confusing. Every person who has ever been involved with a guy knows they can be a little hard to follow—because they play mind games or because they’re idiots is yet to be determined. 2) They think about sex. A lot. It’s nature. Many men would probably argue that sex is something that just randomly pops into their heads at any given moment, but I think there’s more to it than that. There have to be triggers. There has to be something causing that surprising mid-class boner.
The most common assumptions about what turns men on are usually physical. A solid rack or a Kardashian-like ass are the usual suspects. Is it possible, however, that men are maybe not so predictable about what turns them on and they’re actually not as shallow as they seem? Well, I wouldn’t go that far, but here are the most surprising responses I received when I asked a few good men what really turns them on.

“When a girl has a great, well-thought-out, well-said answer in class. That gets my attention.” – Jeff, sophomore

“I like soft hands. I don’t want any dry skin scraping me when she’s giving me a handie.” – Ross, sophomore

“Girls who can wear purple well. Not many can. Think about it: You have to be good looking to pull off purple.” – Shawn, freshman

“When a girl walks around in one of my shirts.” – Steven, sophomore

“Those girls who can talk about sports and actually name five players on their so-called favorite team.” – Vin, freshman

“If a girl can get wasted and not start crying or puking, she’s an absolute winner in my book.” – Christopher, junior

“Red lipstick.” – Joe, senior

“Girls that don’t wear all black. There are way too many look-a-likes on this damn campus. I can dig some originality.” – Trevor, sophomore

“When a girl can really twerk.” – Sean, junior [See: The Official Twerk Team. Warning, totally NSFW]

“I love when a girl has a good vocabulary. Just kidding. I love when a girl can spin around while she’s riding it. Yeah buddy.” – Dominick, freshman

“Confidence..” – Joshua, sophomore

See ladies, the moral of the story is: stop trying to fit a mold of supposed attractiveness. Every guy has his own quirks and turn-ons and you never know when you are doing exactly the right thing to make a guy think about you while he whacks off. And what better compliment is there than that?

When a friend starts telling you about the person he or she is interested in, descriptions and stories can only go so far. Let’s face it, our immediate response is to look that person up on Facebook. If nobody can be found after numerous spelling variations and the best of stalking, he or she must not exist.

Alright, you can still exist without having a Facebook page, but we often forget that. If you are not listed there, we may forget about you. Facebook is used to confirm any and all information these days, including the imperative relationship status. With 11 different options to choose from, be aware that your choice can make or break you.

“Single”:

By listing yourself as single, someone checking you out knows you are available. No confusion, no second-guessing. For many singles, though, this is not good enough. Is “single” really so boring? Apparently so. A popular trend is posting a fake relationship. “I am in a ‘civil union’ with my best friend from home, and he’s a guy,” Emily Latainer, a sophomore writing major, said. “I think, for the most part, people know it is a joke because it doesn’t stop people from trying.”

You might be able to get away with that one, but using one more solid, like “in a relationship” or “married” with just a friend holds the risk of sending the wrong message. If you are a Facebook whore with over 3,000 friends and keep your profile totally public (we know who you are) be aware that not everyone is going to be in on your jokes.

“In A Relationship”:

Once you make things exclusive with someone, there’s the issue of being Facebook Official (or FBO). The statistic that one in five divorces are caused by Facebook might have something to do with this two-sided issue. Some may not want to publicize the relationship at all. “People don’t need to know who you’re in a relationship with, you know who you’re in a relationship with,” Luzette Rodriguez, a sophomore biology major, said.

For many, though, posting the relationship seems like the logical thing to do. Patrick Stege, a sophomore chemistry major, and his girlfriend are listed as “in a relationship” on Facebook. “We put our relationship on Facebook because we didn’t feel it was something we needed to hide, and we are both comfortable with people knowing that we are happily in a relationship,” Stege said. “It was something that just seemed normal to do as well.”

Becoming FBO provides comfort that both parties are equally committed to the relationship. If one person refuses to publicize the relationship, this raises some red flags. “A guy will go off and flirt with other girls if it is not Facebook Official because it is not as real,” Ediva Zanker, a freshman magazine journalism major, said. In this day and age, not stating your status on the Internet makes the relationship a bit more casual.

“It’s Complicated”:            

If the relationship is serious but a bit rocky, you may want to avoid publicizing it for the time being. If you break up and get back together often, you will start to clog up everyone else’s newsfeeds. “Their relationship status goes back and forth every day, usually accompanied by a status consisting of lines from a stupid song that is totally about their life,” Gil Maher, a freshman policy studies major, said.

No one wants to be “that couple” with all the drama. In fact, if your relationship is this unstable, you probably should not be in one at all. In this case, it is best to keep things private. It may be complicated, but please, never use the “It’s complicated” relationship status. That’s just awkward.

 The Week: 2-13-2/17

The rumor mill has spun furiously in the weeks leading up to March 7, Apple’s expected announcement date of the eagerly anticipated iPad 3. The third generation of Apple’s revolutionary tablet computer arrives during a bittersweet yet exciting time in the company’s history.

Apple’s visionary leader Steve Jobs passed away just hours after the launch of the iPhone 4s, making the iPad 3 Apple’s first Jobs-less tentpole release. CEO Tim Cook will take the stage on March 7 to introduce the world to the next version of the company’s best-selling iPad.

So what can consumers expect from the iPad 3? JERK is here to break down the rumored additions that Apple has in store for their third generation tablet:

Retina Display – Much like the drastic visual upgrade that occurred with the introduction of the iPhone 4, the iPad 3 will boast an impressive “retina display.” The display, 2048×1536, will carry twice the density of pixels and feature a much sharper image than the iPad 2. World of Warcraft has never looked so good. WoW!

Quad Core - Nope, we’re not talking about a workout. Apple recently introduced their A6 processor in the iPhone 4s—and we’re not talking about an Audi either. The quad core processor allows for stunningly fast switching and loading between apps and other features. Remember when a dual-core processor was a big deal in 2000? Intel-inside no more.

4G - While AT&T and Verizon are not even capable of an actual 4G network (right now), there is still room for improvement when it comes to mobile web-surfing speed. A QUALCOMM chipset embedded in the iPad 3 along with a speedier network from the provider will make this the fastest mobile web device to date.

Do these new features get you excited for the release of the iPad 3?

By Jake Prescott Hebert

Hannah Pimpis, a jack of all trades, gives us the backstory behind her infamous pen names and spills about her snazzy accessories.

The Great Dane Cook once described a girl named Karen. Karen is the girl in every group of friends who everyone secretly hates; every group of girls has a Karen. Well, I’m going to describe for you a girl that I’ll call Sally. Sally is a whore (no offense to anyone actually named Sally); however, Sally is not your average slutbag, recognized by whole fraternity houses and/or sports teams because of her “giving” nature. Sally is subtle. She is friendly, down to earth, and typically attractive. In fact, you wouldn’t even be aware that Sally is a whore until you hear someone say those fateful words: “Oh her? Yeah, she’s a huge slut.” Suddenly, Sally is not so saint-like.

How could you not have known? How could Sally, seemingly so sweet, so innocent and just like the rest of us be such a secretive slut? I think the better question is how does she do it? How did Sally perfect the image of the “Wholesome Whore?” They walk among us, they sit around us in class, and they probably have slept with the same guys as the rest of us. Wholesome Whores are everywhere and here are your fool-proof tips on how to be one.

1.     Do NOT sleep with more than one guy per fraternity/sports team

Boys talk, probably more than girls, and if there is one thing they talk about more than anything it’s sex. I can guarantee that if you sleep with a linebacker one weekend and a wide receiver the next, you’ll soon be confused for that same football they pass around. “Boys love to brag and even if you weren’t that great in bed, they’re going to tell their bros about it and if your name gets brought up by more than one guy, well, you’re a slut in their eyes,” a freshman female said. It seems that men agree. “After one girl has slept with a certain number of guys in the house, she’s considered house furniture,” said Colin Desmond, Vice President of Sigma Phi Epsilon. “After she’s slept with a few more after that, she’s considered house foundation.”

2.     Do NOT go home with the first guy who buys you a drink

Remember, you’re not a slut; you’re a Wholesome Whore. You have to be a little hard to get. Sorry, let me rephrase: you have to appear hard to get. If you jump into the arms of the first guy to supply you with Soco-lime shots, then you come off as easy. Sluts are easy; you are not. You will wait until you are hit on by at least a second guy, preferably a third. See, you know you have every intention of sleeping with some rando tonight and I know you have every intention of sleeping with some rando tonight, but if you make that too obvious with just one overly aroused slip, your reputtion goes from Sweet Sally to dirty, Wide-set Vagina Wanda in two seconds.

3.     Only discuss hook-ups with your girlfriends

Your girlfriends are probably dirty skanks too and, if they’re not, they’re living vicariously slutty lives through your weekend tales. They want to hear about who you’re smashing and they are much more likely to keep it quiet. “If you tell a guy about another guy you hooked up with last weekend, then not only do they automatically think you’re a slut, but they will tell other people that you’re a slut,” an  freshman female said. “Who cares if your friends and roommate think you’re a whore? That’s much better than having a bunch of guys think you’re one.” The fact is: girls think other girls are sluts even if the other girls are virgins. It doesn’t matter; girls call each other whores and smuts more than guys do. So, when a guy hears from a female friend of his that you tend to put out more than the average girl, he probably assumes it to be common shit talking. Guys do not trust a girl’s word, especially if it’s about another girl. Guys do most definitely trust each other’s word, especially if it’s about a girl. Therefore, confide in your close circle of trusted femmes and leave the boys out of your sexual circle of trust.

Honestly, being a dirty skank is not an easy job, but someone has to do it. If you’re willing to sacrifice yourself, then make sure you follow these steps and do it the right way. Guys associate girls who have multiple sex partners with STDs. Do you want to be Gonorrhea Girl? Well, if you’re fucking frequently enough and are careless, you still run the risk, but at least this way it’ll be less well known. Happy Whoring!

So you’ve finally decided to ditch your summertime gig as an Applebee’s hostess or public pool lifeguard. Congrats, mazel tov, love the ambition! Now it’s time to apply for a real job or internship. You’ve spent countless hours in Career Services perfecting your resume, written approximately 47 drafts of your cover letter, and mastered the art of self-assured eye contact during your mock interviews. Surely you’re on the path to success.

But WAIT, dear bright-eyed future members of the global workforce—for there is one important detail that must not be overlooked: your social media presence. Yes, this means your Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google+, Pinterest, YouTube, LinkedIn, eHarmony, MySpace (if by chance you’re still livin’ it up 2006 style) or any other account on which your name, photos, or personal info might be accessible. You may think that setting all your photo albums to “private” is enough to protect your rep, but in reality it’s not always that simple.

According to the New York Times, 35 percent of employers have rejected a job candidate based on information found via social networking sites. You can bet that someone in the human resources department is Googling your name and scouring through the search results. It may seem slightly invasive or stalkerish, but it’s a fact that every job seeker must keep in mind.

So, those pics of you taking bong hits with your bros last weekend probably won’t increase your chances of landing an internship with Goldman Sachs. And that drunk tweet you sent out last month (“OMgg just peed on a police caaar!! #shitfaced”)? It will come back to haunt you. A general rule of thumb: if you’d be embarrassed to show your grandma a photo or post, you probably shouldn’t put it up in the first place—or at least you should delete it as soon as you’re sober. But remember, in this age of screen captures and digital archives, even posts you think you removed could still be floating somewhere out there in the Internetz.

On Facebook, you can add an extra layer of privacy by making your profile searchable only to current friends (as explained here) and not allowing friends to automatically tag you in pics or posts. On other sites that may reveal your occasionally unprofessional conduct, refrain from using your full name—or your friends’ full names, for that matter. Google yourself (feels weirdly egocentric, but it’s important) if you’re still wondering how much of your personal info is readily available online. If the first result is a picture of you dancing nearly naked on a tabletop, you should probably give your privacy settings a second glance.

Conversely, you can use social media to bolster your chances of getting hired. If you’re looking for a job in the financial industry, start a blog reflecting your observations on recent economic developments; if you’re an aspiring ad exec, create a Twitter account where you comment on recent ad campaigns. If you’re using these tools in a professional way, you can even tell potential employers to check out your work—it shows passion and initiative. Just remember to stay away from overt political or religious statements, and above all: spelling and grammar count! Social media does not have to be the enemy if used in a smart and strategic manner.

“But you say I’m just a friend…” We’ve all been there. Here are the not-so-subtle hints that girls in particular leave when they don’t want anything to do with a guy, or, would rather keep him as their bff. And for your enjoyment, I’ve also compiled a list of reasons why some guys just didn’t get the girl.

Guys, if a girl you’re interested in is pulling any of this shit, chances are, she’s not interested:

1. If she hesitates to text you back, that’s a good thing; it means she’s into you. But, if the hesitation lasts more than a day, set your sights somewhere else. Also, if the conversation turns into one-word answers from her while you’re writing out your life story, it’s not going to work out.
2. When she is vague about making plans and cancels them whenever possible, she doesn’t want to spend time with you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this. When a guy can’t seem to take no for an answer, I’ll let him make plans—but ultimately just for himself.
3. If a girl says “love you” without actually being in a relationship with you, you’re in the friend zone.
4. If you’re generally a nice guy who’s often placed in the friend zone and all you’re getting from her is a hug when you part.
5. She talks about her exes and other guys she’s interested in.
6. The only time she calls or texts you is when she’s having a “bad day” or when another guy gives her any sign that he’s not into her.
7. If she doesn’t look her best whenever you see her, she isn’t trying to impress you.
8. You find that “When Harry Met Sally” is not only the movie she makes you watch with her, but is also the story of your relationship.
9. If she talks only about herself and never asks about you or your personal life.
10. When you ask to see her, she suggests bringing her boyfriend along.

Why I Didn’t Call Him Back:
“I didn’t call a guy back because when he took me up to his room, the first thing I noticed on the walls were Manga posters and anime paraphernalia,” Sophia, sophomore, said.

“I didn’t call a guy back because when he took me to Starbucks for our first date, he specifically requested a hot chocolate—with sprinkles,” Brooke, junior, said.

“I didn’t call a guy back because when we first started hooking up, he mentioned being interested in a threesome with my friend,” Carly, sophomore, said.

“I didn’t call a guy back because upon first meeting me, he decided it was okay to tell me about his year spent living on a school bus,” Anna, junior, said. “I think he got kicked out for dealing drugs.”

By Alicia Aiello

(Video for Shortform Production)

We all remember Kodak. Its familiar red and yellow film boxes captured the frolicking of our youth, the moments we’ll cherish for a lifetime. But times have changed, and Kodak hasn’t been able to change with them.

For many companies, the hurdle to the digital age has been too high to clear, and this has historically meant a catastrophic drop in profits and a rapid decline in brand awareness. It’s a dog eat dog world out there—essentially, get digital or die.

Kodak is not deceased quite yet, but a recent decision to halt the production of digital cameras in response to filing for bankruptcy could just be life support to stave off the inevitable. The irony of the situation is almost poignant as Kodak actually created the first digital camera in 1975 and is now leaving the market, dejected and unable to compete with smart phones that have built-in cameras.

The future of photography is in flux. People don’t want to lug around multiple devices when their phone doubles as a high quality camera, but Newhouse graphic design and photography professor Bruce Strong doesn’t think the demand for digital cameras will completely disappear.

“When the quality you can get from an iPhone or another smart phone competes with that of the consumer market camera, why carry another device?” Strong said. “But there’s plenty of space for high-end digital cameras made by Canon and Nikon. Professionals are going to gravitate toward those.”

Smart phone cameras are great for capturing the kinds of things that surface on Facebook the next day, but professional photographers will still favor the models they’ve trusted for years. The market will undoubtedly become more nichified because consumers are more than happy to settle for the quality of smart phone cameras. Professionals, on the other hand, will stick with their traditional tools, unless Apple comes out with a 35-millimeter lens app.

“There’s still a market for digital cameras, but business models with one-function devices are dying,” Strong said.

And that’s exactly what happened to Kodak. Its revamped business model emphasizes home photo printers and high-speed commercial ink jet processors as core products, but it remains to be seen if the transition can be made smoothly.

“It’s a shame because Kodak has been a reliable sponsor and has contributed to photography and education,” Strong said.

If only that could save it from implosion.

Partied a little too hard last night? It happens to the best of us. Your head is pounding and your liver is begging for mercy, but at least you had a good time. If you can manage to function for a few seconds while you’re not literally spilling your guts into a toilet bowl, try out a few of these hangover remedies.

H₂Oh duh.

Drinking lots of water is the tried-and-true hangover therapy. Here’s a hint: Approximate the amount of alcohol you consumed last night and double it—that’s how much water you need to drink. So, yeah, you’re gonna need a shitload of Aquafina to offset those six (or was it seven?) Saki bombs you vaguely remember downing. Alcohol is a diuretic (which basically means it makes you have to pee every 10 minutes), so after a long night of intoxicated shenanigans, your body is severely dehydrated. Replacing that lost water will help you feel like a human again. Coffee is also a diuretic; so if you absolutely need a caffeine boost from your daily cup of Joe, add an extra glass of water to your quota. Be sure to stay away from sodas, milk, or citrus fruit juices though—they’ll just upset your stomach even more. Make friends with your water bottle and keep it by your side at all times.

Beer Before Liquor…

Never been sicker; liquor before beer, and you’re in the clear. We’ve all heard the rhyme, but is there any truth to it? The jury’s still out as to whether this adage is really accurate. One thing is for certain, however: If you consume absurd amounts of any type of alcohol, chances are you won’t feel so swell in the morning. Depending on your alcohol tolerance, you might find that your body does not react well to mixing dark and clear liquors. Obviously the only surefire way to avoid a hangover is to pace yourself and drink in moderation. But let’s get real—this is college; the entire point is to reach an optimum level of drunkenness as quickly as possible. If you’re going to get shitfaced anyway, might as well avoid getting sick in the process. Choose one type of liquor and stick with it if you can. Hopefully, your night will remain sans vomit and your morning will be slightly less agonizing.

Sleep It Off

This is quite possibly the best hangover cure in the book. If you have the luxury of sleeping in, take advantage. Pop an Advil at 9 a.m. and then go back to bed. Set your alarm for half past never and pretend like you don’t have an eight-page paper to write or any actual responsibilities in general. Who wants to behave like a mature adult when you can consistently party like a rockstar and then wake up the next day tenderly spooning a handle of Smirnoff, dignity still semi-intact? With any luck you’ll make it out of bed just in time for dinner—revived, refreshed, and ready to do it all again in a couple hours.

www.rudegyalzent.com

By Lindsay Dolak

On average, a person spends approximately 200 hours of their life having sex from the ages of 20 to 80. You know, sex can be a pretty messy thing. A lot can go wrong before, during, and after—and 200 hours? Well, that leaves a lot of room for error. Here are some of the more embarrassing possibilities and how to (hopefully) alleviate some of the inevitable awkwardness.

Queefing

Queefing or, in Latin, flatus vaginalis, is the emission of air from the vagina. (In college-student terms: your box just farted.) It’s actually completely normal. Queefing is the result of air being trapped in the vagina during sexual intercourse. I know, I know. Try explaining that to the freaked out dude who thinks you’re about to diarrhea on his dingy. Well, there isn’t much you can do, honestly. As it is such a natural and unexpected occurrence, queefing is hard to avoid. According to hubpages.com, it happens most frequently after “doggy style.” So, I guess you could either give up that precious position or just laugh it off. Ignoring it and pretending it didn’t happen aren’t really options, especially if it was more thunderous than expected. Your best bet is to live by my favorite motto: Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile, love as long as you live, and laugh louder than you queef.

Accidental Anal

Your cheeks just squeezed a little tighter, didn’t they? That shocking moment when you swear on everything your ass is giving birth and all you can muster to make it stop is a loud “GET OUT!” Curl up in the fetal position quickly because, honestly, that searing pain between your cheeks will only heal with time. Whether it takes a few minutes or a few days for you to be walking right again, the physical pain is only your first issue. Is that asshole behind you giggling a little? Yeah, he probably is. Once you have collected yourself, it’s time to go. Trust me, you’re not going to be able to continue after that and you might as well get out of there with the last shreds of your dignity still in tact, even if you can’t say the same for your shitter.

Dirty Talk Gone Wrong

There you are in your bed with some random girl who’s ready to go. So far so good. You’re feeling hot, horny, and hard—and then it happens. She looks you in the eyes and says, “Shove your fat cock into my loose pussy.” Uh, what? I know what you’re thinking. That stuff doesn’t actually happen. Actually, it does and according to a junior broadcast journalism student (who will remain anonymous) who fell victim to dirty talk gone wrong in an aggressive way, it can be an unsettling experience. “It was gross to hear and just really, really uncomfortable. I just lost it after that,” he said. Dirty talk in its general form is pretty common and can be totally great when used subtly and in a not-so-disgusting way. You really only have a few options when faced with some heavy horny talk. You can either respond with a simple, slow head nod of acknowledgement (try to hide the look of shock) or you can pretend you didn’t hear it and hope with all your might that they don’t repeat it.

Those are some of the most common incidences reported from a survey of peers and friends about their awkward encounters. However, sometimes things aren’t so black and white. Here are a few stories from others that’ll make you look at your minor mishaps in a whole new appreciative light:

“I was moving into some foreplay…all is well and good when out of nowhere [the girl] starts gushing everywhere. I smell something funky and look down and it turns out she gushed piss all over my arm, bed and sheets. It was disgusting.” – Male, junior

“A guy I know handcuffed his girlfriend to her bed during sex. Suddenly, he sees a car pull in the driveway. So what does he do? He jumps out the window just before she is discovered by her unsuspecting parents, wearing only the cuffs.” – Male, sophomore

“The guy I was hooking up with suddenly became completely flaccid. You know, that was fine and I got over it until he started slapping my vagina very hard with his soft dick trying to get his boner back. Ow.” – Female, sophomore

“I was having shower sex and the girl was hanging onto the top of the shower curtain and I was holding her legs. Her hands slipped and the entire upper half of her body just went crashing into the ground. I don’t think she got a concussion, but I’m not sure. It sounded awful.” – Male, junior

“Don’t Go” written and performed by Elizabeth Lewis

(Video created for Shortform Production)

Those serious about music would most likely be ashamed to have SisQó’s “Thong Song” embedded in their iTunes library. While that could certainly deliver a blow to one’s musical prestige, it doesn’t take away from the fact that it delivers a few laughs when hanging with friends.

Enter Spotify; an easy way to access almost any song of your choosing without damaging your musical reputation. Spotify hosts millions of tracks from your favorite (and least favorite) artists, available for free streaming and sharing with other Spotify users.

Much like a social network, without the embarrassing photo tags, Spotify allows you to share music with your friends, see what they are listening to, and build playlists that merge with your current iTunes library. It even links with Facebook, allowing all of your buddies to see that you’re getting your sex on to “Too Close” by Next. Girl, I know you like it.

Spotify comes highly recommended and is possibly the best way to stream music on the Internet aside from cracked YouTube videos. To make your decision a bit easier, JERK breaks down Spotify’s three options.

Spotify: The basic version is free to everyone and allows access to millions of streaming tracks, all available on instant demand. However, the listener must endure a short advertisement after every few songs.

Spotify Unlimited: Access all of the tracks in the basic version with no advertisements for $5/month.

Spotify Premium: Enjoy all the benefits of Spotify Unlimited plus enjoy Spotify on your iPod or cell. Premium also allows users to download playlists for offline listening, all for $9.99/month.

What are your thoughts on streaming music? Is Spotify your preferred method? Let us know in the comments section below.

Filmed By Alicia Aiello, Sophia Bernard, & Mary Castellanos

Edited By Alicia Aiello

Starring Jake Prescott Hebert

Concept by Monica DeStefano

Seen Shit Syracuse Says? Now it’s time for an actual accurate depiction of one of Syracuse’s most “prestigious” schools. Ahem… we present Shit Newhouse Kids Say.

By Jake Prescott Hebert

JERK Multimedia takes you behind the scenes of GAWK’s December 2011 fashion spread: As the dust clears and their futures remain unknown, survivors search for any sign of life in a post-apocalyptic society. With 2012 upon us, start preparing for the worst in winter’s knee-length trench coats and oversized jackets.
Featured music: “Till the World Ends (White Sea Extended Club Mix)” as performed by Britney Spears

By Sophia Bernard, Monica DeStefano, and Alyssa Di Rienzo

Want to know what really grinds our gears? Check out the first edition of Campus Pet Peeves!

Getty Images

By Lauryn Botterman

In case you haven’t noticed, it is wintertime in Syracuse. Yes, it’s cold and, yes, it’s probably snowing as you’re reading these words. The sky is a depressing shade of gray pretty much all the time.  This is not U Miami: we didn’t come here for the beautiful weather.

It’s easy to feel gloomy while enduring long walks across campus bundled under innumerable layers. But even when you begin to doubt the existence of that mythical, shining orb (I believe they call it sunshine), you gotta keep your chin up—and your earmuffs on. Before you resort to hibernation to make it through the next few months, read these tips on avoiding the winter blues.

Get active

If your only exercise during the winter season involves shoveling food from your plate into your mouth, you probably need to spend some more time working out to get the endorphins rolling. It might be a pain to make that trek out to Archbold, but the feeling you get after a good cardio sesh is totally worth it. Strive for an hour of physical activity every day, but even if you only have 30 minutes to spare between classes, it’s better than nothing.

Sure it’s tempting to curl up in your bed with your Snuggie and a jar of Nutella, but eating your feelings will only lead to a feeling of regret and an expanding waistline; being active will pay off in the long run. Working out is also a great way to clear your mind of any stress or worry. Sign up for a fitness class as motivation to get to the gym at a specific time every week. Plus, while it may seem that the winter here is infinite, there is a spring and summer on the horizon. That means fewer clothes and more skin: you won’t be able to hide that spare tire under a puffy coat forever. Break a sweat whenever you can—your body will thank you later.

Be spontaneous

The fact that it’s brutally cold is not an excuse to be antisocial. After contending with the elements every week, you deserve some playtime. If the bars and frat parties are getting old, try something new. Grab your friends and get a cab to a nice restaurant downtown; go sledding (or even better—drunk sledding); see a movie. If you want to find something exciting to do, all it takes is an open mind and a quick Google search. Staying social will keep your spirits up even when the temperature is down.

Find a friend (with benefits)

Ah yes, the proverbial fuck buddy—need I say more? There’s no better season than winter to try out a no-strings-attached fling. It’s nice to have someone to cuddle and do more with on those cold, snowy nights. The ideal partner should reside in close proximity to you for convenience, but not too close that you awkwardly cross paths with him or her every time you leave your room. Kudos if you can make it last throughout the entire winter season.

Drink… tea

Tea is basically the answer to all of life’s problems. Seriously. If alcohol is liquid courage, tea is liquid love. Sipping on a mug of hot tea just feels so right. As a bonus, research shows that regularly consuming green tea can raise your metabolism and prevent disease.

Seek help

If your funk becomes a full-on rut that you can’t seem to shake, there is no shame in reaching out for guidance. Talk to your friends and parents; be open about your feelings. If you think you need professional support, call the Syracuse Counseling Center and make an appointment with a certified counselor. They are always ready and willing to help.

Like the age-old debate of whether the chicken came before the egg or Mac vs. PC, the question ‘does size matter?’ has long been thrown around in health classes and in casual conversation between females and males alike. Though it can seem like a touchy subject, especially to the not-so-well-endowed, I found that upon asking their opinion about the dick-size debate directly, people are quite willing to chime in. I received short and sweet yes’ and no’s as well as lengthier explanations on the question of inches.

68 percent of those interviewed said they believe penis size does matter. One female magazine journalism major said, “The answer is a definite yes,” bringing in multiple Facebook “likes” of agreement. Speaking of gender, of that aforementioned 68 percent, 60 percent were girls. Now, all the boys rocking nothing but a stack of quarters in between their legs might be getting a little rosy-cheeked and nervous. To that I say, don’t be. According to askmen.com, a worldwide study of over 40 penis-size research projects has concluded that an average member is somewhere between 5.5 and 6.2 inches in length and 4.7 and 5.1 inches in girth. Feeling a little better now, little guys? (No pun intended.)

However, this is not just a basic back and forth argument of actual number and size. The debate about how deep a dick should reach goes, ahem, much deeper than that. Where one side took a similar position to a sophomore who said, “If he’s not well-endowed, it’s like doing all that work to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop with no Tootsie,” others said, frankly, that it was less about the “size of the wave” and more about the “motion of the ocean.” Honestly, what good is a serious schlong if its owner doesn’t know what to do with it? When faced with the choice of a massive member with less than impressive skills versus an under-average penis that can maneuver its way around a warm, tight space well, the answer is relatively obvious: skill beats size every time.

It seems that so much emphasis is placed on how far one’s dick falls below the balls because of the overactive male ego. It’s a competitiveness that’s in their nature and it’s a pride issue that many fall victim to. The fact is, though, sex is about pleasure. It’s a stress reliever, in most cases, and if you’re spending all your time worrying about the size of the prize inside and not about how things feel for you and your partner of choice, you’re not going to be performing very well. No amount of inches will be able to make up for your serious lack of erotic expertise, which, believe me, everyone will have heard about by the next afternoon.

www.wirelessweb.com

By Laura Cohen

When it comes to texting someone you’ve got your eye on, it’s not just what you say, but how you say it. When attempting to flirt via text, you better have your texting etiquette (or textiquette) down pat. Sometimes it can send a greater message than your actual words. The style and attitude you use can either make you or break you, and we have the support to prove it.

Responding after 2 seconds. Yes, we know your phone is constantly in your hand. People attempt to hold coffee, open doors, pay a cashier and even drink from the same hand in which they are holding their cellphone. Even if that is true, you don’t want to give off the vibe that all you have going on is this texting convo. “It seems like the person is just waiting to get your message,” said Clara Amore, a junior chemistry major. As a rule of thumb, check how long it took your texting partner to respond, and wait the same amount of time, or a minute or two longer. Even if you have nothing better to do, at least pretend you do.

Usingggg extraaa letttterrsss. There is no reason to keep holding down each key for an extended period of time. First of all, it’s hard to read, and second of all, you look like an idiot. Imagine someone draaaaaagging out their words in real life. Annoying, right? “It seems to have become the norm for teenagers to type and text like that, but I think that it’s immature, personally,” said Alex Klaris, a junior public relations major. You don’t need to have perfect grammar, but don’t sound ditzy on purpose either.

Have you ever gone overboard on your EMOTIONS?????!!!! JK LOL! You will probably never be THAT curious or THAT excited about something that it warrants 15 question marks, 10 exclamation points and an awkwardly placed smiley face. Keep your cool and keep it classy with subdued emoticons and punctuation. “It seems like that person is not mature enough,” said Ranon Bezerra, a junior mechanical engineering major. “I talked like that when I was 14 or 15.” That being said, spare the extra question marks—one will suffice.

Sending multiple texts in a row: Hello? Are you there? If he or she does not answer your text, there is a reason. If they are as immersed in this conversation as you are, they would not skip a beat. Please remember life exists outside your conversation and a number of things could have distracted your partner. If they are done talking to you, another text can just be irritating. If they are actually tied up with something, you’ll look impatient, even frantic. “If you send two text messages in a row, it comes off as desperate,” said Justin Dorsen, a sophomore public relations major. “I’ll answer when I have the opportunity to do so.”

Put your best foot (or thumb) forward by avoiding these pitfalls, and always practice safe texts.

www.hybridlava.com

By Julia Fuino

Tell me the last time you saw two people holding hands on this campus. It’s about as rare as a two-dollar bill. The concept of committed relationships seems to be missed by about 95 percent of the student body. Go ahead and ask your midnight man, he’ll tell you. The longest relationship he’s probably had is the one night stand you’re about to be, and vice versa.

But say you want more and you’re interested in more than what lies below the belt. There’s no easy way to work that into a conversation and flat out ask him—and asking him while doing the dirty might just be the meanest thing you could ever do. Instead you need to pick up on clues. Like the movie says, how will you know if he’s just not that into you?

Here’s a list of the top five ways to tell whether or not you’ll make it past being Thursday night’s “slam piece.”

1. You don’t hear from him when the sun is out. And when you do hear from him, his texts indicate that high amounts of alcohol have been consumed because all you’re seeing is “yo lkets meet uuop.” Here’s the truth: if your guy only contacts you after a couple of drinks and past 12 a.m., he doesn’t want commitment—and of all people, he doesn’t want it from you.
2. He only stays in your bed until the deed is done, then he’s outta there faster than white girls getting wasted. To further prove my point that he doesn’t want commitment, this is a guy that is so disinterested in commitment that he doesn’t even have time for a stable fuck buddy.  This also indicates that he’s getting it from a lot of girls. A lot of the time.
3. He hides his personal life (friends, family, details about his day) like a hidden porn collection in his parent’s basement. He doesn’t want pillow talk; he doesn’t care about your personal life, and talking about his means having to talk to you, which is not what he’s there for.
4. He gives the head nod rather than a “hey how are you.” He might acknowledge that he knows you by a nod, but that’s one of the subtlest ways of saying hello imaginable, usually done to avoid people seeing him stop and talk to you. Also, anything else might give you the wrong impression, something he doesn’t want to deal with.
5. Sunday through Wednesday, he’s “too busy.” My golden piece of advice: if you are into someone, busy or not, you look forward to spending time with them.; you make time for them. If he can’t stop and see you for a half hour even to just grab coffee, then he’s just not into you.

A friend of mine fell for a guy who was just not that into her. He made up excuses to avoid hanging out with her during the week that became pathetic, as he began running out of plausible excuses, one being: “My dog died, so I have to drive home to Jersey. Sorry.” Not only did she run into him at Chuck’s that night, but he was with someone else. Aside from blowing her off repeatedly, he would take hours to respond to text messages, would only have some ‘nighttime fun’ with her and when she would try and bring up relationship talk, the only thing coming out of his mouth were one word answers. They had been hooking up for about four months and not once did he ask to see her during the daytime. Not to mention, he left a condom on the floor of her bedroom! Ladies, if he doesn’t even have the decency to pick up after himself, after a late night rendezvous, he doesn’t give a shit about you.

You can’t force a relationship on anyone. If they don’t want it, you aren’t going to be ‘that special girl;’ you won’t be the one that’s ‘different.’ Disney made those movies to make money, not to blueprint your life. Be smart. Know who you’re dealing with.

Getty Images

By Drew Muller

Well, Megaupload, it’s been fun. Your long and prosperous life has come to an abrupt close but let’s be honest, you probably saw it coming, right?

It might just be a hunch, but something tells me CEO/founder Kim Dotcom, a name that sounds like it should belong to a sensuous Internet vixen and not a burly German guy with an affinity for aliases, was a little too caught up in his self-pampering to realize he was making himself a target.

According to Information Week, Dotcom and other Megaupload executives owned a number of interesting assets, including 15 Mercedes-Benzes, fiberglass sculptures and jet skis, all of which were purchased with illegally obtained funds. Accused of accumulating $175 million in criminal proceeds, Megaupload was shut down by the FBI while Dotcom, along with four other individuals, was charged with a cache of crimes.

Megaupload was the first file-sharing giant to tumble, but will it be the last? How will we exchange files online with complete strangers and circulate copyrighted material without these sites? We could possibly be looking at the end of file lockers as we know it.

Users with both recreational and legitimate purposes are up in arms about the government crack-down, the former peeved that they might actually have to pay the exorbitant prices dictated by the music and film industries and the latter fearful for the safety of jobs that involve transferring large files.

But although Dotcom’s piracy campaign was forcibly grounded, I don’t think users have much to worry about. The death knell of Megaupload will signal a shift in the operation of file-sharing sites, an evolution in which the strongest will survive. This digital Darwinism has knocked off Megaupload for obvious reasons—excessive spending, rewarding copyright violators and obscuring its legal status with anonymous subsidiary companies—and the drastic response by the FBI has encouraged other sites to proudly profess their legitimacy and others to clean up their act.

According to Techcrunch.com, free-form file-sharing sites such as Filejungle, 4shared and Uploadstation are deleting premium accounts, cancelling affiliate programs and disabling sharing so that users can only download what they themselves upload. Others have gone as far as to ban all U.S. IP addresses.

The demise of Megaupload has undoubtedly spooked sites that are economically fueled by sharing, an unpredictable and risky business, but the file-sharing model is not dead. Rather, it will have to adapt a system that avoids copyright violations, especially monitoring dangerous Google links that lead to material owned by other parties.

And knowing the impatience of cyber crooks, as soon as the hype around SOPA dies down, we might see a Megaupload clone pop up, only to be destroyed and cause another revolution in the technicality-filled world of file-sharing.

Relationships can be so seasonal. There’s always the sudden rush around the holidays in the spirit of giving, family gatherings, mistletoe, etc, which makes it easy to get caught up in relationship fever. But once spring semester hits, the snow starts to clear and actual ‘rush’ begins, more and more students become single.

Sounds easy. But what happens when your high school sweetheart becomes Mr. Frat-daddy and leaves you in the dust? Chances are, a break up is in your near future and whether or not its you who initiates it, you’re not going to be happy about it. So what do you do? Well, you have options. You can sulk around, close your door to friends, listen to Sarah McLachlan on repeat and purchase a kitten and grow old together, OR you can take my advice and create a better situation for a better you.

1. Step One: Let the douchebag go.

Remember that old nursery rhyme “If he hollers let him go?” If he’s giving you any indication that he wants his single life back and that you’re just a hindrance in his newfound lifestyle of sorostitute-filled weekends, do yourself a favor and absolutely let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game. Why? Because you don’t want or need the drama. Because you don’t want to sit around waiting for someone who keeps you solely as an option rather than a priority. Because you have respect for yourself. And most importantly: Because chances are, he wants to get it in with half the campus and STDs aren’t really your style.

2. Step Two: Go to the gym.

I know that sitting around eating Ben and Jerry’s and watching those sad animal commercials on TV are more your speed after a breakup, but seriously—that’s basically letting your ex win. Get up and get to the gym. It’s been proven that working out and physical activity in general have natural health and happiness benefits, so get like Elle Woods and boost your endorphins “because endorphins make you happy and happy people just don’t kill their husbands” (or, in this case, ex-boyfriends). When my long-term boyfriend and I broke up, I immediately got myself to the gym. As a result, I was able to get confidence back that I never thought I would. I had nothing to lose—except 25 pounds!

3.  Step Three: Go Out

Trust me, I understand that it’s a little difficult at first and the only thing you want to do is text your ex or call them when you’re drunk, but let your friends do you a favor with this one. When you go out, give them your phone; have some self-control. Nothing looks worse than drunken calls after a breakup because it looks desperate. It’s important to surround yourself with friends and new people. Distract yourself. Keep yourself busy. That way, you’ll have less time to overanalyze what would’ve, could’ve, should’ve been, because let’s be serious: your ex certainly isn’t.

4. Step Four: Get your bookworm on

Sign up for things. Get involved. There are enough different clubs and organizations on this campus to keep you busy 24/7. Sign up for something that interests you, where you can meet new people. Apply for a job on or off-campus. Some of my best friends have come from my workplace. It gives you an outlet, especially if it’s a job off-campus. You’ll be making money, making friends and getting your sad self away from the situation. Another thing to consider is studying in the library. Study either with people or in Pages; don’t just sulk around and be all by yourself. Becoming a hermit after a breakup only limits the freedom you’ve just been handed. Do your work and boost your grades. Make something great out of a shitty situation. Everyone knows you’re hurt; you know you’re hurt. Don’t let the things that matter know you’re hurt too. Challenge yourself to move on for the better.

Get yourself back on track for the new semester. Being single isn’t a death sentence, but rather an opportunity to be a free man or woman. No more waiting by the phone, arguing, wondering what the other person is doing, or any of the other bullshit that come with a relationship. If it was meant to be, give it time. You’re only in college once; you deserve to have fun.

abcnews.go.com

By Lindsay Dolak

That awkward moment when you walk in on your roommate doing the solo sheet writhe to the musical stylings of two moaning strangers on a computer screen. Now what? Do you laugh? Leave? Apologize? Turn on the lights and stare?

There are few more awkward moments than the revelation of someone watching porn or someone’s revelation of you watching porn. But, why? According to toptenreviews.com, there are 4.2 million pornography websites. That’s 12 percent of the Internet. 25 percent of daily search engine requests are for pornographic material.  So, if virtually everyone is doing it, what makes a little literal boob tube so awkward?

I watched porn for the first time when I was around 10 years old. Some neighborhood friends and I were putting “.com” after our first names and plugging them into search engines. Well, my older sister’s name is Erica. If you can’t figure out what happened next, you’re not old enough to be reading this article. That might sound young , but the average age of the first Internet pornography experience is 11 and, besides, I like to think it gave me a one-up on the rest of the so-called porn watching perverts. What the next 10 years and countless Friday night middle school sleepovers with a bunch of curious girls going through puberty brought me is the ability to say that I have seen just about every type of pornography ever made. Every category. Every color. Every fetish. There—I admitted it.

If you think I’m weird, it’s probably because you are one of the many people that think either a) porn is an awkward activity to be viewed in the privacy of one’s own bed sheets and never discussed among peers or b) you think porn is for boys only. For the record, I don’t view porn as a means to “relax,” not that I’m against anyone’s masturbatory mechanisms. You know how people watch those gross shows on Discovery Health? Porn is like that for me. It’s weird and entertaining in an off-putting way so you can’t really turn away even when you want to.

Just about everyone has seen porn, watches porn and, in all likelihood, probably beats his or her meat to porn. I’m not saying I want to hear about your afternoon digital delight while I’m waiting in line in the dining hall, but I don’t think pornography and whether one watches it or not needs to be as awkward as watching the opening sex scene of “Bridesmaids” with your dad. Some people use it to get off, some people use it to get a good laugh, and some people even use it for research papers. Pornography consumption is actually quite common and if it helps, 42.7 percent of Internet users report viewing porn regularly. They admitted it; can you?

thecampussocialite.com

By Laura Cohen

So you’ve met a girl or guy who seems pretty chill. You two hang out a few times, you’re hooking up and things are seemingly going well. But, soon you notice your inbox is completely flooded with texts from that one person. When you don’t answer within five minutes, they send something else. When you don’t answer within an hour, you get the frantic phone calls. They always want to know where you are, whom you are with and what you are doing.

It looks like you’ve got a stage five clinger on your hands. A stage five clinger worships the ground you walk on and typically thinks your relationship is more than it actually is. You may see this as a casual, non-exclusive hook up, while they see it as a more serious relationship. Your two different views make things a bit complicated.

People usually flee from these clingers as they begin to feel smothered and yearn for some freedom. The clinger is too available. For some reason, though, we like the chase. There is something exciting about the uncertainty when starting out a “relationship” with someone.

But, maybe it’s time we re-examine the clinger. Their infatuation with you is actually somewhat flattering. Let’s not blame them for their interest. You are, after all, worthy of the admiration. Instead of instantly writing them off, it may be worthwhile helping them tone down their need to cling. Try to target the reason behind their clinginess.

If he or she doesn’t seem to have many other people to hang out with, introduce your clinger to some new friends. New friendships lead to new social events, so you may finally get some nights where you each do your own thing—separately.

If they seem to have no other obligations than to hang out with you, encourage some new interests. When a clinger sees you pursuing your own hobbies or passions, they may be inspired to pick up some of their own.

While confrontation may be awkward, it really is the best way to let your clinger know how you feel. You should be on the same page in terms of your status. Whether you’re an exclusive item, together without a label or just friends with benefits, it’s important to know what the boundaries are. Get this out there now, before you end up hooking up with someone else and your clinger has a meltdown.

If all else fails, it may be best to detach the clinger. He or she will of course be crushed. They’ll be angry and probably will talk shit behind your back, or become depressed and launch a tearful stakeout near your house. However, their intense reaction will just be more confirmation that you did the right thing. Clingy isn’t cute, and it never will be.

fab.com

By Lauryn Botterman

If you’re ever second-guessing your fashion sense, refer to this guide for a few handy rules and pointers.

Class

Perfecting the ideal weekday ensemble is a fine art. You shouldn’t show up to your 9:30 Psych lecture looking like you’re ready to rage, nor should your outfit scream “I’m a total scrub.” Like it or not, people will judge you based on what you choose to wear, so it’s in your best interest to take some pride in your appearance. Plus, classes are prime time to scope out potential hookups. If you’re donning the oversized sweatpants/sweatshirt getup that you haven’t washed in three weeks, it’s doubtful that you’ll get a second glance.

On the other hand, you certainly don’t want to give off the impression that you’re trying too hard. Girls, anything that you would consider wearing to a Saturday night at the bars (read: sequins, skin-tight skirts, crop tops) is most likely inappropriate. Stick with skinny jeans or leggings and a cute sweater and you’ll be good to go. You don’t need to spend an hour perfecting your makeup, but a little mascara, blush and tinted lip balm can go a long way. The goal is to look put-together as opposed to slutty or sloppy.

For guys, the rules are pretty straightforward. Please don’t come to class in your flannel SpongeBob jammies. It must be really tough to roll out of bed, brush your teeth and sift through the pile of clothes on your floor for something to wear, but taking three extra minutes to pick out a well-fitting T-shirt and jeans is worth your while. And for the love of God, no Ed Hardy!

Party Attire

Ladies, there is a fine line between risqué and Not Okay. Showing some skin and a hint of cleavage is all in good fun, but when shit takes a turn into I Can See Your Hoochie Town, you need to cover up. If you plan on maintaining any shred of dignity, it’s always wise to leave something to the imagination. Plus, a combination of being inebriated and surrounded by sweaty co-eds in a crowded basement is particularly likely to cause wardrobe malfunctions.

Better make sure the goodies are tucked in safe and secure before the night begins. Also, don’t be another drunk girl waltzing around in sub-zero temperatures in a minidress and heels. Bring along a cheap, but warm, jacket to wear on your way to those frat parties (a “fracket,” as I like to call it) and consider layering sweatpants over your bare legs. You may not look so sexy en route, but at least you’ll avoid hypothermia.

Men have mostly standard options for weekend wear as well: jeans and a T-shirt or polo if you’re feeling fancy (but don’t pop your collar, douche). You can also try blending casual and classy by pairing Levi’s with a button-down. Complete the look with a spritz or two (less is more here) of your favorite cologne (not pubescent aerosol body spray) and your trusty boots or Nikes.

And for future reference, here are some fashion faux pas and unfortunate trends that you should never wear in public:

• Ugg boots (only acceptable in the privacy of your own home)
• Sunglasses indoors
• Sunglasses when it’s dark outside
• Leggings made of pleather or adorned with any animal print
• Skinny jeans on guys (even hipsters can’t totally pull it off)
• Navy blue and black paired together in one outfit
• Acrylic nails (particularly those with obnoxious colors or patterns)
• Pajama jeans (what the fuck?)

Good luck, look sharp and stay classy.

soffrontblog.com

By Laura Cohen

Ever hear someone say, “Out with the old, in with the new?” That’s the best advice for proceeding into the New Year and also the new semester. By putting behind any and all baggage from last year, and focusing on the future, we can all make a smooth transition back into our single-ish lifestyles.

First, take a look around your room and identify what is definitely not yours (or your roommate’s). Take that oversized t-shirt he sent you home in last fall and cut it up into a cropped tank top. That girl who never answers your calls still doesn’t want her hoodie back? Give it to Goodwill. Think of this as your personal feng-shui.

Next, scroll through your cell phone contacts and give it a cleaning. If you constantly drunk text the same guy after 3 a.m. and always regret it, erase him. If you don’t remember the last time you spoke to “Jenny from the bar,” it’s time for her to go. Save yourself the embarrassment and say “Good-bye, 2011 booty call!”

Now, on to Facebook. If you’re still stalking someone you had a failed fling with last summer, end those pity parties and delete them, or at least hide them from your news feed. While you’re there, take a look at your own page. With the new stalker-friendly Timeline everyone can dive deep, deep into your past. If you don’t want all your exes present on your profile, take this time to review your page and decide what is suitable for the public eye and what’s better hidden away forever.

After cleansing yourself of the past, you may realize this month-long reprieve from a happening social life at college has left you a little rusty. Don’t panic. It is quite possible for you to get back into the swing of things.

First, think about why your relationships failed last year, and actually try to change those old habits. Feel free to make some resolutions, and since they concern your dating life, you may actually stick to them.

Then, figure out your priorities and set some goals. What do you want? If you feel like you were too reserved last semester, don’t be afraid to let loose and go hard this time around. If your player reputation has gotten a little old, try pursuing a more consistent hook-up. If you’re not so proud of your history, try playing a little harder to get. A walk of shame in this weather isn’t much fun anyway.

After taking this into consideration, please welcome 2012 with open arms…and maybe a few potential suitors as well.

www.LasDelicias.com

By AJ Allen

Old Christmas decorations and neon bar signs adorn the outside of one of the many restaurants on Syracuse’s Westcott Street. Las Delicias Restaurant boasts “the best authentic Caribbean food in Central New York,” but the cover of their menu should read “the most easily accessible Caribbean food restaurant to Syracuse University students.”

After waiting about 10 minutes at my seat to be served in an almost empty restaurant, I walked up to the bar. In my pro-action, I asked the cashier/cook what she recommended that I order in hopes I would experience the best that the restaurant had to offer. I was answered with a variety of options. “What do you like,” she responded, “fish, chicken, steak?” When I answered with “chicken,” she began to read off all of the menu items that were under the section titled “chicken.” I decided to order “pollo guisado” (translation: stewed chicken).

As I waited, I noticed that the waitress approached an older couple sitting behind me; perhaps, they didn’t expect a college student to dine in. I smelled the thick spices permeate through the restaurant, listened to the loud Latin music that played through the speakers and heard the kitchen staff communicate with each other in their native tongue. Posters of Castillo San Felipe del Morro de San Juan and other Puerto Rican scenes covered one wall—the restaurant’s primary influence was evident.

When the food finally arrived, it was a bit colder than I had hoped. The chicken, potatoes, carrots, black beans, yellow rice and green olives were drowned in a pool of broth that I could only assume consisted of authentic Caribbean spices. In a few minutes, the restaurant made up for all its past blunders. “Do you like it,” the waitress, who had previously helped me decide what to order, asked from behind the bar. I continued chewing and gave her a thumbs up. Indeed, I did enjoy the food.

The restaurant’s self-service emphasis would be acceptable anywhere on Marshall Street, but if you’re a Syracuse University student who traveled all the way to Westcott Street from campus, you might have higher expectations. The food at Las Delicias is good, but not worth the long journey. To any student wanting to try something you can’t get on campus, I would suggest ordering in. Conveniently, Las Delicias is on campusfood.com. So pull out your laptops and credit cards, and the next time dining hall food fails to suffice and you’re sick of Jimmy Johns, try some Puerto Rican cuisine.

sweettalkonthespot.com

By Lindsay Dolak

So, I have this friend. And she’s a whore—or at least that’s what some girl screamed at her at a party last weekend. Apparently, she slept with that same girl’s ex-boyfriend. My friend told her not to take it personally and that he wasn’t the only guy she’d slept with that month, so it wasn’t like she had a particular agenda against her. So, yeah, she’s a whore with a number somewhere past 12 or 15. Sooo slutty, right?

Why is it then that when a boy bangs as many girls as she’s given it up to does he receive high fives and some kind of golden status in the eyes of his bros while she gets accosted by drunk girls and labeled as “easy” by males and females alike? Is it really so hard to believe that maybe, just maybe, girls simply enjoy having sex?

It shouldn’t be so difficult to understand that just because something doesn’t erect in our pants every time we’re in the mood doesn’t mean we don’t get just as horny as frat guys and the football team on the weekends.

Although it seems that in this day and age the idea of woman as sexual beings is becoming more widely accepted, the dirty side eye glances we still get during our Saturday morning walk of shame paint a different picture. I’m not advocating for random sex and one-night stands, but I am putting into question the double standard. Urban dictionary’s definitions of words like whore and smut only include descriptions of females and have negative connotations. The website defines “whore” as “a woman who sleeps with everyone;” whereas, the website defines “man whore” as “one certain male individual who enjoys the sexual intercourse of others more than average.” Suddenly, the addition of the word man pretty much wipes away the negative association.

It can be frustrating, as a female, dealing with the less than attractive names that come with having multiple sexual partners. Am I, or any other girl for that matter, expected to just wait around for that one guy who can hopefully bring us satisfaction? That is, only after monogamy, of course. Maybe girls shouldn’t be slutty, but neither should guys. Don’t worry, I’m not going to preach the abstinence message to everyone. I’m just going to tell all the hypocritical men of the world with a desire for a girl who’s experienced, but virgin-esque, but not a virgin, to shut the hell up.

The double standards are getting ridiculous and, quite frankly, getting old. A girl is not a sexual deviant even if she sleeps with anything that moves or has a number close to yours, guys. Being a “whore” does not mean all standards have lowered, if not completely disappeared. I know plenty of girls who enjoy the occasional romp between the sheets; it doesn’t mean they’re going to give blowjobs in bar bathrooms. Let’s mature a little and chill with our judgments. I pinky promise to not call you a dirty slut if you swear you won’t call me a whore. Agreed?

Getty Images

By Lauryn Botterman

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s time to get your shit together. A new semester is underway, and it holds the promise of academic advancement, networking opportunities and the chance to finally attend meetings for those meaningless resume fillers extracurricular activities you had conveniently forgotten about. Let this be the semester where you acquire more A’s than STDs, spend more money on books than booze and at least pretend like you can function as a productive member of society.

A bit too much to ask, you say? Take some hints from this fail-proof guide to getting your ass in gear after winter break.*

1. Set alarms—for everything

If you spent the majority of the past month drinking on weeknights, sleeping till noon and nursing your continuous hangover with marathons of “Kim and Kourtney Take New York,” you need to relearn the art of sticking to a schedule. It will take some time to adjust, but you can jumpstart this process by becoming best friends with your handy dandy phone alarm. Surely you’ve set your alarm as a reminder to wake the fuck up or go to class, but it can also be used as a strategic tool in ‘Operation Organize Your Life.’ Set an alarm for breakfast, lunch and dinner; set it for bathroom breaks, friend time, friends-with-benefits time, gym time, homework time, party time, hammer time. Carve your day into as many structured activities as possible. Warn your roommates and friends that these alarms now rule your existence and adhere strictly to this schedule. Also, be sure to select the loudest and most obnoxious sound setting on your phone so as to fool passersby into thinking that you have some very urgent business to attend to. And here’s the catch: No hitting the snooze button. Ever.

2. Stop procrastinating

Time management skills! You need them—ASAP! For realsies, you can avoid a whole lot of stress and anxiety if only you learn to get your shit done on time. Convincing yourself that you “work well under pressure” is no longer a valid excuse. But before you start popping Adderall like it’s candy, consider this drug-free alternative: Mac users can download the Self Control app which will ask you to add selected websites to a “blacklist.” The app will then block your access to these sites for a designated amount of time, allowing you to write your paper or do research online without mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or Twitter every four minutes. Brilliant!

3. Help your friends get their shit together

What could possibly be more fun than relentlessly berating your friends and loved ones about their flaws and insecurities?! Nothing, obviously! Helping your friends sort out their lives might inspire you to reach your own goals. Get a support group together, motivate each other and figure shit out as a team. It may not be easy, but it’s slightly more fun.

*results not guaranteed

thefastertimes.com

By Charlie Ecenbarger

Just before the fall semester ended we gave you a glimpse of SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) and what it was going to destroy internet as we know it. In the last month there has been more than a few developments in the story and it seems as if things are turning around for the better.

Representative Lamar Smith of Texas, the author of SOPA, has declared he would remove the DNS-Blocking provision from the bill. What does this mean, you ask? It means that the fed can’t censor the internet – and neither can Internet Service Providers since the provision allowed the same type of power over what can be viewed off of their bandwidth.

For example in the Syracuse area the only two internet providers are Time Warner and Verizon. Under SOPA either company would have the power to block out access to their competition’s websites, effectively censoring the freedom of the internet and information. On a larger scale if there was a series of websites that the federal government did not agree with, let’s say the Occupy Movement, the feds could order their websites shut down by claiming copyright infringement.

Yeah. I don’t get it either.

SOPA was championed as a bill that would put a stop to foreign countries infringing on American copyright. The problem is the language used in the bill gives way to more censorship than anyone who regularly uses the internet would be happy with; Let alone anyone who just enjoys their own personal freedoms.

The Center for Democracy and Technology has a list  well over 600 people and companies who oppose SOPA. Among them is SU alumni Dennis Crowley along his company Foursquare, Facebook, Google, Twitter, and the list goes on.

A few of the opponents to SOPA have even planned a blackout which would simulate the effects on the internet if the bill was to pass. Icanhascheezburger.com, Reddit.com, among others will be going dark on the January 18 in protest of SOPA.

I find this to be a very powerful statement, although some of the more interesting moves are by video game companies. The wildly popular game Minecraft, which has over 20 million players, will shut down its website and servers for the day to simulate the effects. Riot Games, who developed and host servers for the popular battle arena game League of Legends, will also be shutting down their operation for the day.

Gamers are a ruthless bunch and given the amount of people playing these games, I’m sure not all of them know what is going on. The backlash that we may see when these two games go dark could be huge. I think it will inspire those who don’t know about SOPA to educate themselves and give those who are informed a reality check of what SOPA really means to the future of the internet. This goes for everyone participating in the blackouts. Some of the sites who are taking part in the blackouts are very popular with huge, dedicated followings. The authors of SOPA are already starting to back down due to the outcry – I don’t foresee the bill lasting much longer after the blackouts hit.

A full list of blackout websites can be found here.
The Center of Democracy and Technology’s list of opponents can be found here.

photo credit: http://www.bulletonline.org

There are plenty of real-world signs to tip you off that someone is single. Some may obsessively text, shamelessly flirt, excessively hook-up, or wear unnaturally revealing clothes one might mistake for lingerie.

Most signs, however, aren’t so blatantly obvious. If you’re wondering when somebody’s searching too hard, the answer is, of course, found through Facebook stalking. Check for these signals:

Flashy Profile Pictures

We’ve seen people taking self-portraits in their bathroom mirror with a melodramatic expression, maybe with words about their “life challenges.” Or it’s a party scene as they fist-pump the night away. These not-so-subtle simple cries for attention don’t always mean people are “desperate,” so check if the person frequently switches between profile pics like this; if they do, they’re desperate.

Corny Status Updates

Preaching ideas of living life to the fullest, finding “the one,”or some sappy song lyrics (possibly from Adele). Bonus points if they include inspirational pictures. These updates serve two purposes:

• Reminding their friends they’re not lonely.
• Reminding themselves they’re not lonely.

Photos of Themselves

See if there’s a stream of Myspace-esque self-photos, whether they took them or forced someone else to. Common ones are from their rooms, in the mirror, in a sassy pose, or wearing swimwear. This shows they want to spread their face around, hoping someone falls in love at first sight.

Some photos are taken overhead while they lie in bed.  It’s a direct and slightly sexual sign of…well, desperation.

Taking Facebook too Seriously

“Why didn’t you like my status? You just ignored my comment? And how come you never looked at my pics? What is your problem?!?!”

When people feel like they don’t have enough faith in their real-world relationships, they may turn to their Facebook “relationships” to compensate. But trying to make your life out of what happens on a website comes off as…oh, you know by now.

Photo Credit: www.punkster.com

By Lauryn Botterman

Finals flat out blow. Besides the fact that you have to become an uber nerd to prepare, you are also faced with the taunting anticipation of Winter Break. This mixture of excitement, anxiety, and the ridiculous amount of caffeine you will consume in the next week is the perfect recipe for a heart attack. All complaining aside, you will eventually have to buckle down and take the God-forsaken final. Follow these tips and the next few weeks will be smooth sailing. Good luck!

Be anti-social. Deal with your separation anxiety for a few hours and give your friends the boot. Find a quiet and secluded place to study. When you’re trying to cram 150 pages of that reading you didn’t do all semester, your friends constant chatter isn’t going to help you.

Sleep. Set a schedule and remember to pencil in some sleeping time. If you give yourself enough time you shouldn’t have to make any all-nighters. Sleep is vital for memory and focus.

Take an active break. If you’ve been sitting for a while, take a break to walk around for a while. Physical activity can relieve tension and stress, not to mention when your ass starts to hurt from sitting for hours you should probably move a little.

Fucking study. Point blank, if you’re not going to study you’re going to fail. Quit the whining and deal with it. If you find that you haven’t started studying until the night before, well then ditch all of these tips and start cramming.

Photo Credit: peperonity.com

By Lindsay Dolak

Ever been asked, “so what’s your major?” I’m sure you have, but did you ever stop to think about what information about yourself you might be giving away with your simple one or two word answer? One’s major says quite a lot. People immediately begin to judge what kind of person you are, where your interests lay, what you hope to end up doing with your life, and what you’re like in bed…

Business

What do business majors want to do? Control the nation’s top companies. What do business majors want to do in bed? Control you. These one-percent hopefuls of America are all about being in charge. They’re looking for financial success and, in this case, orgasmic success. Quite frankly, yours is not important. Expect a lot of them-on-top positions, commands, hair pulling, hands-around-your-neck-type lovemaking. These boys and girls are born competitive, driven and know how to get what they want. Don’t worry, though, they’re used to dealing with the ups and downs of a rough market and can slow it down if need be. But they’re still the CEOs of the bedroom, so don’t expect to be calling many shots.

Political Science

In other words, the Great Debater. These future lawyers and politicians are going to fight until they winq. They do what politicians do best: claim to be fighting for everyone, while really just promoting their own success. Just think: willing to be on top so it appears they’re doing the work for you, while stimulating themselves. Sound selfish? More like smart. However, no stranger to the idea of justice, they’re willing to give and take, receive as well as provide, if you know what I’m saying. If you can convince them that a good outcome for you will promise a good outcome for them, you’re all set. It just might take a little physical argument.

Mass Communications

The future writers, talk-show hosts, and post-game analysts. The controllers of all things media and communications. Did you miss something? They’re communicators, the heads of sexual public relations, and they know how to use their words to get to that special “press release.” Dirty talk is a must. Make sure you’re tuned to the right broadcast because they’ll tell you what they want. Being the attention-seekers they are, they’re often times not shy and quite willing to put on a show for those willing to be their audience and give them praise. Heads up though, these students are nit-picky, editing geniuses and won’t be happy with a rough draft. Make sure you’re on top of your game as they expect a head-of-the-class performance.

Art

The creative types. Those who can take bland and make it beautiful. In the sexual world, creative equals kinky and these wannabe Van Goghs and Gilles Bensimmons can take even the quietest of hipsters and turn them into sexual deviants. They’ll do it all and expect their partners to be open to interpretation. Their worst enemies are the critics, so don’t hate on what they create. I’d be surprised if you had reason to do so. They’re artists and not afraid for things to get colorful. Your body is their blank canvas and they take immense pride in their work, even when it’s mediocre. They’ll put their signature on it, whether it’s with a bite mark or a back scratch.

Pre-Med

Someone interested in all things body? Yes, please. They may spend their days in long lab coats and weird goggles, but there’s no denying these future McDreamys and Dr. Houses know their way around the human anatomy. They promise to be good with their fingers and pressure points? They know them all. Maybe they do know a little too much about the inner workings of your body, but who says that’s all bad? If you can find one of these students willing to take a little time out of their study schedule to raise your heart rate, I’d reconsider that apple a day and play, play, play.

Supergods by Grant Morrison

Publisher: Spiegel & Grau

“Comics’ ballsiest writer gives a guided tour through the history of sequential art, while interspersing his personal rise to fame. Finally, an explanation for why Superman wore red underwear above his tights for the past 72 years.”

—Flash Steinbeiser, Editor-in-Chief

A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin

Publisher: Bantum

“Reading this series is like being in an abusive relationship and GRRM just continues to play with my emotions. But I’m not leaving.”

—Brittany Slawson, Illustration Director

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

Publisher: Crown Archetype

“Mindy Kaling’s personal essays about her life and childhood are so awkwardly endearing, if not a little too true to my own life.”

—Cassandra Baim, Managing Editor

A Stolen Life: A Memoir by Jaycee Dugard

Publisher: Simon & Schuster

“There’s a solid mixture of kidnapping and mystery. It’s like reading an episode of Law & Order: SVU. Fucking rocks.”

—VictoriaTroxler, Assistant Blog Editor

Zone One: A Novel by Colson Whitehead

Publisher: Doubleday

“Novelist, MacArthur Genius Award recipient, and literati member Colson Whitehead tackles the tired zombie apocalypse genre with, well, BRAINSSS.”

—Nate Hopper, Features Editor

Photo by Carly Piersol

SOUNDS LIKE: Sigur Rós, Bon Iver, Brian Eno
WHAT HE JERKS TO: Haruka Nakamura, The Kinsellas, Owen, American Football
BEST SONG: “Tsuki Uta/Simple Parasol Dance”
WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN UP: Since buying his first guitar in the 7th grade,
the Coatesville, Penn. native has put the independent back in “indie.” Perfect for late nights at the library, wim’s sound could relax even the most Adderall-induced study sessions.
UNLIKELY SOURCE OF INSPIRATION: When he’s not finding inspiration in nature
or childhood, Nicholas gets his fix from Japanese cartoons and The Legend of Zelda. That’s right, you can thank Dragon Ball Z for wim’s music.
WHERE YOU CAN HEAR HIM: Catch wim’s music online for free. His newest
album, “Humming Collection” is available at wimsambivalentpleasure.bandcamp.com.

By Carli Cooper

Dear Carli,
I’m a gentleman and a smart one. I know finishing inside a girl without a condom is bad news, but what’s an alternative location that won’t get me slapped?

Dear Cumfortable,
When it comes to pleasing your partner, her body is a canvas and you’re the artist. Unfortunately, this scenario creates more of a “paint-by-numbers” situation; be careful when placing your finishing touch, or you two may have some artistic differences.

This is a delicate topic for many ladies.  Nothing kills the post-sex buzz like an awkward mess. But it has to go somewhere. Depending on your preferred position, certain places are fair game. If rear-entry is your style, try finishing on her back. For the missionary advocates (all three of you), the stomach is always available.  However, speaking for the majority of young men I’ve known, the favorite spot is fairly obvious: tits—nature’s god-given targets.  They’re a great compromise, and it’s probably the closest you’ll ever get to being Ron Jeremy. Just watch your aim. Maybe you’re actually dating the chick who’s always dreamt of a moneyshot, but, in most cases, you’re better safe than sorry.

Before the heat of the moment carries you away, consider the clean-up and make sure to have a towel or an old t-shirt ready.  If you wipe the guk off your girl before it starts to crust, she may be more willing to try somewhere less conventional next time.  With that in mind, get creative with your masterpiece.

Dear Carli,
I did it—I had a one-night stand.  But I don’t want it to be awkward when I see him again.  How do I transition from a wild night to regular social interaction?

Dear One-Night Standards,
It’s a common misconception that a late-night hook-up, fueled by uninhibited lust and some alcohol, kills any chance of a real relationship. It’s understood that crazy hook-ups are going to happen. It’s how you act the next morning (and beyond) that shapes whether or not you two can move past Saturday night and into the real world.

Plan your exit strategy. If you panic and bolt from the scene, it will be impossible for either of you to ever feel comfortable in public. Have a graceful getaway. No need to leave on an awkward note of shock or horror, or you’ll both be left with a bad impression.

Then, the next time you cross paths, pretend your last time together was over a cup of coffee and not under the sheets. Remember, appear confident and okay with your decisions, not rife with shame and regret. The phrase, “fake it ’til you make it,” isn’t exclusive to horrible sex.

Now, should you try turning one lusty night of passion and pawing into a relationship, forget your grandma’s rules about sex. Just because relationships after first-date sex tend to be the exception instead of the rule, it isn’t totally impossible.

photo credit: toonaripost.com

By Shea Garner

Entertainment on the Internet can be used and manipulated in a variety of ways. Websites like SideReel or tvDuck can help you watch your favorite HBO program only hours after it has finished airing. File sharing websites like MediaFire can give you access to a new or favorite album, instantly.

And while these services might not necessarily be legal, the Internet finds a way around the issue and uploads them for world wide pleasure. But many great things aren’t forever, and Congress is trying to shut down most of the free entertainment on the Internet with the passing of the SOPA/Protect IP Act.

What is this act?

SOPA could shut down most of the sites that host the videos and music that you want access to. Many of these host sites are from outside the United States, so SOPA would block access to the infringing domain names. Congress would do this by suing any of the said sites, and cutting off any funds the sites garner from advertising.

Why is this so bad?

Hasn’t the government tried to do this before, shutting down file-sharing sites like Napster and LimeWire? SOPA could also shut down start-up sites that they don’t think are filtering well enough. YouTube cover songs would be virtually non-existent and sites that make most of their income from advertising, even Google, would have to shut down.

You can stop the SOPA/Protect IP Act from passing by calling your state congressman and expressing your concern. Tumblr had even set up a “call program” that explains the dangers of SOPA and connects you to your congressman. Many of the congressmen supporting the Protect IP Act have YouTube videos on their sites with song or video content that could be targeted with the very act they’re trying to pass.

If SOPA passes, uploading a Michael Jackson video to YouTube could get you five years in prison. That’s one more year in prison than the doctor who killed him.

What are your thoughts on the Protect IP Act? Have you called your congressman? Let us know in the comments section below.

photo credit: lindaskitcheninc.com

By Allison Joy

No matter what holiday you’re celebrating this season, we can all agree that gingerbread men are freaking delicious and adorable. Cook up a batch of these cute lil’ guys and wash them down with a shot of chocolate syrup and peppermint Schnapps. Here’s to a wonderful holiday season!

Gingerbread Men

1 (3.5 oz) package butterscotch pudding mix

½ cup butter

½ cup brown sugar

1 egg

1 ½ cups all-purpose flour

½ tsp baking soda

1 ½ tsp ground ginger

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1. In a medium sized bowl, mix dry pudding mix, butter, and brown sugar until smooth. Stir in egg.

2. Combine flour, baking soda, ginger, and cinnamon and mix. Stir into the pudding mixture. Cover and chill for an hour until firm.

3. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease baking sheet.

4. On a floured board, roll dough to 1/8” thickness and cut into gingerbread man shapes with a cookie cutter, or freestyle by hand. Place cookies 2 inches apart on the baking sheet.

5. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool and serve!

Chocolate Peppermint Schnapps

Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup

Peppermint Schnapps

1. Pour a portion of chocolate syrup into your mouth.

2. Take a shot of peppermint schnapps and let the syrup mix.

Illustration by Andrew Casadonte

One in two college students have lost a loved one in the past two years. This is how they move on. 

Grace Davis had just left her first Syracuse University football game when a phone call about her high school boyfriend left her speechless. On September 5, 2009, Matt, whom Grace had been dating for three years, contracted the H1N1 swine flu from his roommates at Miami University in Ohio, only a week after arriving at school for his freshman year. He was fine when Grace last spoke with him. But now he’d become unresponsive and needed an airlift to the hospital.

Within hours, Grace was dressed in a biohazard suit, sitting by Matt’s side in a quarantined hospital room. The two had been inseparable since their sophomore year and were known as Mr. and Mrs. Bing by their entire high school, as Matt’s sense of humor mirrored Chandler’s from Friends. They spent the next few hours talking and, despite his illness, Matt still continued to crack the occasional joke. When time came for him to be put in an induced coma to relieve stress on his body, they both said, “See you soon,” never expecting it to be their final goodbye.

After three weeks in a coma, Matt passed away and Grace, a health education and human service policy major, made the difficult decision to resume her freshman year at Syracuse University with a half-empty heart. “I came back right away because I knew if I didn’t then, I never would have,” she says. “I knew I was never going to move on from Matt’s death. No semester, or year, or any amount of time was going to be enough.”

College years are commonly considered the best years of someone’s life. But for those grieving the death of a loved one, they can be the hardest. According to a 2010 study by Dr. David Balk, a professor at Brooklyn College, nearly two of every three college students have lost a family member or friend within the last 12 months. Half have experienced a loss within the past two years.

“It’s important to not dump all bereaved college students into one group and say they all respond the same way, because some recover quickly and others take quite a while,” says Balk, who’s researched college student bereavement for nearly 30 years.

Academic pressure, being away from home, and insensitivity from professors and friends who can’t understand or relate to one’s grief can all affect a student’s ability to recover. Since many adolescents establish an identity and form meaningful relationships in their college years, loss can cause students to question who they are and what they know about the world.

It is not uncommon for students to experience social isolation and withdrawal as they cope, since they either don’t want to talk about their loss or refrain from discussion because it makes their friends uncomfortable. This forces them to camouflage their grief, making it even more difficult to grow and maintain close relationships.

Amanda Drapkin, a sophomore fashion design major, and the youngest of six siblings when she lost her 23-year-old brother, Dustin, in March of her senior year of high school. He unexpectedly passed away due to complications from a vaccine he was given to help minimize inflammation in his throat. Amanda’s parents tried to persuade her to stay home instead of returning to her first semester at SU so soon after her brother’s death. But Amanda insisted on going, hoping that school would be the distraction she needed.

In addition to social struggles, Phil Meilman, the director of counseling and psychiatric services at Georgetown University, says the loss of a loved one can cause students to lose motivation and have difficulty concentrating, which hinders academic performance. In a majority of cases, a student’s grade point average declines during the semester they experience a loss.

In the beginning, Amanda enjoyed meeting new people, but once classes started, the responsibilities became increasingly difficult to handle. She found herself constantly thinking about her brother. Amanda felt unmotivated and indifferent about her own life, causing her to drop classes and put off coursework until the last minute. When one of Amanda’s close friends from home took his life toward the end of her first semester, her stress and anxiety levels rose too high. She returned home for the rest of the semester. “Looking back on it, it would have been wiser to deal with my situation at home in an environment I was used to before leaving for college,” she says.

Syracuse does not have a formal bereavement policy. Corey Wallack, the director of the counseling center at SU, thinks the university does a good job supporting students through loss. The Office of Student Assistance advocates for students by providing them with absentee notices and coordinating incompletes or leaves of absence, if necessary. Wallack says, “The system functions very well, but a formal bereavement policy is worth exploring to further safeguard students.”

Amanda thinks there is alot of room for improvement. Although all of her professors helped as much as they could, the university refused to count her time away after her first semester as an official emergency leave of absence, which brought her GPA down considerably.

Wallack says the first question he asks bereaved students is if they are capable of staying at school and completing courses for the semester. “Students need to ask themselves if they are better off being at home or with friends at school, and there isn’t a concrete answer for this,” Wallack says. Some students feel more comforted at home, while others, like senior sport and human dynamics major Jordan Josephs, need the escape of college.

The summer after his freshman year at SU, Jordan’s brother and his friend of six years died when a tractor-trailer hit their car, creating an explosion that killed them both. Jordan found comfort in returning to school at the end of the summer and distancing himself from the sadness back home. That summer, he also lost his grandfather, his closest family member, and struggled with grieving the deaths of three important people in his life. “It was just good to come back and be with my other friends again,” he says. “I still think about both of them often, but I know at some point you need to move on from the sadness.”

When it comes to how one copes, Wallack says it’s important for students to know that there’s not a right way to do it. “You need to do what feels right to you in the moment,” he says. “Don’t worry about doing what others want or expect.”

He suggests talking to at least a couple of trusted friends, since many people turn their grief inward out of the fear of burdening others and feel like they can’t understand. Wallack says it’s possible to help friends understand just by talking about the loved one and honoring their memory through stories. Dr. Tamina Toray, a professor in the psychology division of Western Oregon University, has found that students who have social support at college are not as negatively affected by grief as those who do not. College students, like the rest of the population, often find formal counseling difficult because of the associated generalizations and the feeling that counselors can’t relate.

The counseling center is another vital resource Wallack recommends. But the stigma of seeing a professional discourages students from using its resources, such as the counselors or peer grief group, which had to be canceled this year due to lack of student participation. At first, Grace was opposed to seeing a professional because she couldn’t imagine sitting on a couch and trying to explain who Matt was to a complete stranger, but eventually she got past the negative image and says the counseling helped. “I’m a big advocate for talking to someone, but only when you’re ready to,” Grace says. But she still attributes most of her healing to the incredible support from her friends, some self-therapy, and a trip to Uganda last summer that allowed for some much needed soul searching.

For Amanda, healing came in the form of art. Right after Dustin passed away, she would go to the cemetery, in front of his grave and sketch for hours. Amanda still turns to self-expression to help her through hard times. It reminds her of her brother’s creativity, which she admired so much.

Dr. Toray says although it might feel like things will never get better, they ultimately will with the right resources. “We hold memories of these people but we do move on and things do shift when it’s time,” she says. “Everyone is different in terms of what that time means, but there is less suffering in the future.”

Over two years since her final few hours with Matt in the hospital, Grace is finally beginning to listen again to the music that played an important role in their relationship. She still finds herself daydreaming about what Mr. and Mrs. Bing would have been like throughout college. But she keeps Matt alive by living how he did and not stressing over the little things, like he’d taught her since they met. “Matt gave me the biggest gift,” Grace says.” Now that I look back at it, I just think, ‘Life is short, relax like Matt would want you to do.’”

Album Release Date: January 16, 2011

TOP TRACK: “Dance Rites”

BOTTOM TRACK: “Musik Von Metaphysik”

3 Nancies

What started in 2006 as a completely electronic solo side-project from post-rock band yndi halda, A Lily has evolved into something far different. Frontman James Vella enlists band members in his latest effort, “Thunder Ate The IronTree,” to cultivate a more organic sound. While maintaining the moody ambience from which the project was born, Vella employs banjos, harps, and strings. Most startlingly, he introduces vocals to his formerly voiceless project. But the sound Vella taps into is one already well versed by contemporaries like Do Make Say Think and Mogwai. A Lily keeps a fresh sound by divulging into more pastoral elements, but it comes at the expense of a distinctive and intimate identity.

New York State may have exonerated Roy Brown of a murder charge, but now his post-prison life will never feel the same.

Photos and Story By Nate Hopper

Roy Brown sits on a loveseat in his sitting room. The space is decorated like a mix between a church, a tropical greenhouse, and a therapist’s office. A frame and a print of a painting rest in one corner. In another, a small lion statue prowls, and along a wall stands the bust of an angel. Plates with pictures of tigers, toucans, and giraffes are set out on the coffee table, between the loveseat and a fainting couch. Outside of the home, in Chittenango, N.Y., a red Lamborghini resides in his three-car garage; three sports cars, including a Bentley, sit in his driveway, beside his white Lincoln stretch limo on the front lawn; and a mounted deer head lies in the corner of the stone garden that hugs the front of the house. Roy says he got everything on discount: he got the furniture at local flea markets and he bought the cars in Florida.

But the real reason he could buy everything is because five years ago New York State repaid him. On March 5, 2007, Roy was freed from prison after spending 15 years incarcerated for a murder he didn’t commit. Then in December 2008, the state awarded him $2.6 million. But while the settlement afforded him sports cars and a room just for sitting, it may not have been enough to heal all his wounds or ease all his new pain. In the five years since his release, Roy has received a successful liver transplant to cure him of cirrhosis, earned more money as a fulltime landlord than he ever did with his pre-prison wages, and faced new accusations from the police, as well as his family. The repayment may help remedy the third of his life he lost to an unjust conviction. It also may not.

Roy limped out of the courtroom in the Cayuga County Court House with his arms wrapped around his two lawyers’ shoulders. After he mumbled a few answers to reporters, the two supported him down a set of stairs, coaxing him, “You’re almost there.” They guided him around the metal detector, into the lobby and the arms of his crying younger stepsister, Billie Jo Kuzcynski. She grasped his neck, and other family members joined the hug. His cirrhosis, in its final stages, had emaciated him. His eyes sank into the shadows cast by his brow. His cropped hair was a dim gray; his taut skin, a pallid sulfur tone. Amidst the celebration, he looked incapable of mustering a smile.

About 15 years earlier, a Cayuga County jury convicted Roy of the murder of Sabina Kulakowski, a vivacious, pixie-like county social worker. Firemen found her dead in a field near the smoldering farmhouse where she lived. She was naked, stabbed, and bitten, with many of her injuries seemingly inflicted after her death. The murder occurred days after Roy finished an eight-month sentence for drunkenly threatening to blow off another county social worker’s head with a shotgun if he didn’t allow Roy visitations with his daughter. Roy had never heard of Kulakowski or the town she lived in. He didn’t own a car. And he had too few teeth to create the bite marks on her body—the crux of the prosecution’s case. But a slew of shady testimonies;
evidence that dammed another man, but stayed hidden by the police; and apparent spite from the presiding judge led to his conviction and a 25-to-life sentence.

In prison, Roy attempted to hang himself from a pipe in his cell, but the wet mopstring snapped under his weight. He more than doubled the infirmary doctors’ prediction of how long he’d survive his cirrhosis. His older brother Tim remembers a doctor telling him during a visit with Roy, “Listen, if he goes back into the infirmary again, you can’t visit. You can claim the body if he dies. That’s it.” But Roy survived. He studied in the prison’s law library and completed the bulk of the investigation and legal work that eventually freed him a decade after his lawyers told him there was no more he could do. He became the 196th person in the United States exonerated because of DNA evidence. The count comes from the Innocence Project, a nonprofit group that supplied lawyers to Roy and many others who were wrongly convicted. Its count, while imperfect, is widely regarded as the most comprehensive. And particularly because of the advent of DNA evidence and advocacy organizations like the Innocence Project, the number of exonerated citizens returning to free society is increasing. Since Roy’s full exoneration a little more than five years ago, that number has grown to 289.

A free man, Roy walked out of the courthouse into a cloudy, cold January day with flurries falling around him. He was going home. But like many people who go to prison, he found that most of the places and people he returned to barely resembled those he’d left. The trees were gone. They’d been replaced with cityscape. Everyone plucked cell phones—which inmates called “magic phones”—from their pockets. The old bars had been drained. Roy would go looking for his friends, but they’d left or died from a car accident, cancer, or a drug overdose. Roy’s prison dreams of picking up his kids for the weekends had become dated. One of his daughters had three children. Another had six. In place of those dreams came paranoid nightmares—symptomatic of the PTSD-like effects that studies have shown the imprisoned suffer. In them, the police would arrest Roy for no reason, or he’d be in prison and just accept it—he wouldn’t question why.

Roy was also still dying. Since exonerated people do not automatically qualify for Medicaid—and few states offer it to them—the Innocence Project worked to ensure Roy’s limited insurance covered the care he needed to keep living. Some days he could barely see. He became breathless from standing up. If his gait quickened too much, his knees buckled. He lived at his brother Don’s house in Mexico, N.Y., so Don could look after Roy. But one day, around a week after his release, Roy looked at the snow outside and decided to go buy a newspaper from the corner store. On the walk back, he collapsed in the snow, unconscious. He woke up in the hospital, to Don asking him what he’d been thinking. “You can’t just go walking down the street in your condition,” Don said. Roy replied, “Yes I can, because I’m free. It doesn’t matter if I can make it to the store and back. What matters is I can get up and go.”

And on Mother’s Day, 2007, about two months after his release, Roy received the call that doctors told him not to expect: they had a liver transplant for him. As he woke from the anesthesia, he remembers looking at his hands, no longer yellow, and telling himself, “That’s the color of life.”

Up until his surgery, his siblings piled around bed-ridden Roy and flipped through pictures, reminiscing and feeling the closest they had in decades. Aside from moving around to Air Force bases with their mother and stepfather (Billie Jo’s biological father), the Brown children mostly lived apart. He and his older brothers moved out; their other brother Robert, and Billie Jo also moved around, but to different places.

Roy enjoys telling the tales of his travels and recounts them with the candor of someone either raised honest and with blunt disregard for the law, or a liar still competing with his siblings for notoriety. It’s impossible to tell exactly how much is true, but each story provides insight into how he perceives himself. And the stories his siblings offer of Roy before and after prison depict and illustrate the life he left, and the people he returned to live with.

Roy paints himself as a vagabond, riding the ’70s wave of hitchhiking across the country. At age 13, he hitched back and forth to Michigan to live under the supervision of his older brother Tim, who had left home when he was 15; their eldest brother, Butch, left at 16. Roy says he was out “raising hell,” and along the way he picked up several charges and jail stays. One night, a prostitute friend paid him to accompany her around Syracuse, and a car pulled up and asked her what she was doing. Understanding that the man was propositioning her for paid sex, Roy called himself her brother and promptly left. But it was a sting, and before Roy got back to his car, the policemen put him in handcuffs. A couple years later, when a friend who dealt pot convinced Roy to join him on a visit to his stripper girlfriend at her job (under the condition that Roy would get to hang out with some of her coworkers), police pulled them over and discovered guns and scales in the trunk. Because his friend had a baby on the way, Roy says, he took the charges. Roy also picked up a DWI and spent several days in a California jail for hurling gravel at bouncers who kicked him out of a club.

Roy says that because of his travels, he and Billie Jo never grew too close. But Billie Jo says there was another reason—a reason that Roy renounces. She claims that, at an Air Force base in Hawaii, 10-year-old Roy pinned down 6-year-old her for the first time. With one hand, she says, he grabbed her wrists and held them over her head, and with the other, he covered her mouth. She says he raped her and continued raping her for years. She started making sure she and he were never alone together, and kept avoiding him through the murder conviction. “I would tell myself, even though he didn’t kill the woman, he did deserve some jail time for what he did to me,” she says. “But the longer he sat there, I thought, Does he really deserve to die in prison? And my guilt started to take over. I never believed my brother was guilty.” And while Tim and Robert, who haven’t spoken with Roy in two-and-a-half years, say Billie Jo told them about the molestation decades ago, Roy says he heard of it for the first time after his release. Billie Jo says she never pressed charges because she was too young to realize the police could protect her. She says matter-of-factly, “There’s no way for me to prove a word of this.”

When I asked Roy about what Billie Jo said, he denounced her as crying wolf, saying instead that during his incarceration she came to him and accused Tim of raping her. Roy didn’t believe it. Neither did Billie Jo when I asked her about it. “Tim was my favorite brother!” she said. “I would never had said that about him.” An hour after I asked Billie Jo about Roy’s counter-accusation, Tim called me. He slurred that he was going to drive down to Roy (Tim lives about three hours north) and kill him. “Fucking nigger ever talks about me raping my sister, I’ll cut his throat with a spoon,” he said. “Next interview, we do from prison.” I called Billie Jo to tell her what Tim said. She told me she’d calm him down and not to worry: Tim’s only vehicle couldn’t make it to Syracuse and his threats were mostly hollow. “This is how my brothers are,” she said. “This is how Roy ended up in jail,” when he threatened to kill the social worker.

But this all happened after a time when Billie Jo and Roy grew as close as they’d ever been. During Roy’s imprisonment, their ailing mother begged Billie Jo to speak with him. She agreed, and Roy called her. She papered Upstate New York with flyers Roy made to petition his conviction. After she started getting involved with his case in 1994, she enrolled in community college and planned to get a law degree so she could help free Roy. After two years, she matriculated to Syracuse University, where in 2000 she received a bachelor’s in sociology. Roy said she never finished; but her two degrees sit in a box in her attic. She visited Roy, bringing him food packages from their mother. And before their mother died in the February of 2002, she made Billie Jo promise to do everything she could to get Roy exonerated. The two grew close for the first time. “His values did change—he developed some,” Billie Jo says, with a chuckle.

Roy planned to live with Billie Jo upon release and wrote her into his will as the trustee of his estate. He planned to receive a settlement from the state to compensate him for the injustice. But he didn’t expect to live to see the money, so he trusted her to split the settlement among his children and the grandchildren he’d never met.

But then Roy lived. And about four days into his recovery, he received a visit from his first but estranged love, Raina. The two met as 13-year-olds outside a bar their parents frequented. Roy was sitting on the hood of his father’s car, smoking a cigarette. Across the parking lot he spotted a “good-looking chick.” He went inside, had a Pepsi and some chips, then returned to his perch. He caught her eye, too. His father came out of the bar with his stepmother, along with his uncle Larry and Larry’s girlfriend, Donna. His stepmother started saying to him, “That girl is your cousin,” but his father cut her off. “That girl ain’t your god damn cousin,” he said. “You can do whatever you want with that girl.” Raina was Donna’s daughter from a previous relationship. The two began dating and Roy fell in love for the first time. At 14, when Roy says he had his own apartment and job earning $170 a week, he told her they could grow old together. But Raina recoiled at the idea of growing up so fast and they eventually broke up and grew out of touch. When she came to see him at the hospital, they kissed and she held him like miles, failed marriages, and years had never separated them. They fell back in love. But Billie Jo says she and Robert worried about Raina’s intentions: she showed up at the hospital just days after news outlets reported Roy would live to see the settlement money. Tim discards the accusation though, “It’s so easy for family to blame somebody else for what’s going on with their brother.”

Whether Raina had ulterior intentions or not, on Dec. 8, 2008, Roy saw the money. (Later, the two married.) He received a $2.6 million settlement from New York State to compensate him for the time he lost. Video of the occasion shows the judge, who’d replaced the retired judge who presided over the murder conviction, apologizing to Roy, saying, “It’s a lot of money, and you’re certainly entitled to it. No question about that. It was a terrible tragedy for you.” Later, Roy says, nodding his head and barely smiling, “I’m doing pretty good. I’ll be doing a lot better as soon as the check clears.” And while Roy says he didn’t let money change him, it did hurt his relationships with some of those close to him. He says he paid his siblings $25,000 each, but that he gave Billie Jo an additional $100,000 as a loan so she could start a bottle-return business. Billie Jo says it was a gift for her devotion through prison—matched only by their brother Don, who Billie Jo says also received more money. Roy expected her to pay him back and says the discrepancy is the core of why they haven’t spoken in over two years. She says they fell out of touch because of a heroin-fueled drug binge, which he denies. (There’s a strange story the two share. Roy says Billie Jo sent cops to his house in search of drugs. Billie Jo says the Drug Enforcement Administration came to her and Don for help in a case against Roy, but maintains they refused. The DEA would not comment.)

But despite all the bickering it brought, the settlement was a sort of luxury that, according to Innocence Project statistics, 40 percent of exonerated people do not receive. The median annual amount of compensation is about $24,000—less than half of the federal standard of $50,000, which many, like Roy, can’t pursue because they can’t afford the counsel or the wait (Roy feared he’d die before he received money); it takes an average of three years to receive state compensation. And the exonerated leave prison poor. As Roy said in a 2007 Innocence Project report that chronicled their help securing him medical care, “When you get out of prison, they give you $40 and a pair of corduroy pants, but that’s only for the guilty people. I didn’t even have anything to wear.” Some men still have to face the stigma that employers reserve for ex-convicts. One man, the Innocence Project writes in its 2010 report entitled “Making Up For Lost Time,” carries a copy of his pardon everywhere. For many left uncompensated, retirement becomes impossible. And twenty-three states don’t offer the possibility of settlements for victims of illegitimate convictions; of those that do, only ten provide job placement, housing assistance, legal assistance, and counseling.

In his fascinating, almost literary 2005 study, “Understanding the Effects of Wrongful Imprisonment,” Adrian Grounds details the psychological struggles of 18 victims of unjust sentences. In 1993, about a year and a half after Roy entered prison, Grounds, a forensic psychiatrist, was asked by the British government to see five exonerated men. They’d been incorrectly convicted to life sentences for two separate pub bombings that killed 26 people and injured 247 about two decades before. Grounds needed to write psychiatric reports for their claims for compensation. In the study, for which he interviewed 13 others, Grounds wrote, “I did not expect to find evidence of psychiatric morbidity.” But he did.

Because of the small number of subjects, Grounds cautions against making generalizations and assuming those interviewed—all of whom were men—represent the entire exonerated population. He acknowledges that since the interviews intended to help determine the reparations the interviewees received, the victims may’ve exaggerated their suffering. But he also writes that often prisoners learn to suppress their emotions, and many of the interviewees reported sleepless or anxious nights after recounting their experiences because they hadn’t analyzed their emotions before. Nonetheless, Grounds’ work constitutes the largest study of the psychological effects of wrongful incarceration.

Each subject spent at least six hours being interviewed on their pasts, their interactions with the police, and their lives after release. Grounds also interviewed at least two other people who knew the subjects well before prison—family, long-time friends—in order to corroborate their personalities before and after. And some cases resembled Roy. Most left school before sixteen; a New York Times survey in 2007 of 137 exonerated people found over half hadn’t finished high school. Five of the 18 from Grounds’ study recalled histories of heavy alcohol abuse and two of illicit drug use. Eleven had previous convictions. Twelve had fathered children. And half (nine, that is) served 15 years or more for wrongful sentences.

Like Roy, they entered into prison as fathers and exited as grandfathers. And disconnected. One man said of when, during prison visiting hours, his children asked him when he’d come home: “There’s nothing you can say to them… your world is crumbling around you.” And when the men came home, despite the years that’d passed, they reverted to mentally living at the age of when they left; for some, that meant they were 40-year-olds thinking they were still 25. They also felt like the people were the same age they’d left them at, too, which made them incapable of relating to peers and family members who’d moved on or grown up. Some could relate to strangers better than family—or to prison. Grounds writes that one man secretly snuck out in the dark and drove to the prison to stand and remember being in his cell. He said, “The family wants me to cut off the past but I can’t get ride of the past.” Some didn’t feel anything toward their families. “There comes a time when your family is just a word,” said one. “It’s like a slow death. In the end you feel nothing. You are made not to care. I’ve got… kids and I wouldn’t care a fuck if I didn’t see them again.”

It was just as strange and difficult for the interviewed family members. They’d struggled, but adapted to life on their own. Now their men returned withdrawn, distrustful, and unaffectionate. Strangers. Or shells. One slept with kitchen knives under his pillow. Another tore his bedroom doors from the hinges in a fit of paranoia, convinced the police would come and take him. Another man’s mother admitted to Grounds that having her son in prison was easier than having him home. And those who tried to return to living with past partners, couldn’t. Grounds writes, “these breakups were particularly tragic.”

In an email, Grounds wrote that he couldn’t give specific answers about Roy’s case, since he didn’t study it. But he did venture to offer a few insights: that Roy not returning to a previous wife after prison may have helped him, because he didn’t suffer the loss of losing a loved one like many others did; that the family’s initial feeling of closeness could’ve been affected by how separated their pasts had been; and that Roy unexpectedly surviving cirrhosis may have saved him from a depressed outlook of his future.

But Roy fell into another common trap: the New York Times survey found that one-sixth of the 137 respondents fell victim to abusing drugs, or back in prison. Roy says he can’t drink alcohol with the cyclosporine he takes to help his body accept the liver transplant. Once, the smell of wine on Raina’s breath as they kissed caused him to vomit. He doesn’t drop the LSD that he did in his younger years, or the cocaine he admits to doing in prison. He says he’s dropped pot. His inability to take drugs (which Billie Jo doesn’t believe) removed him from a dangerous coping mechanism that ensnarled many of the 18 men in Adrian Grounds’ study as they tried to escape their depression or post-traumatic stress.

Yet late last October, Roy was driving around Syracuse with a man he’d hired to paint his kitchen and lay down tiles in his bathroom. On Davis Street, two Syracuse police officers patrolling the area because of its reputation for drugs watched as they pulled up in front of a corner store. They say they saw Roy exit the car and walk up the street to take pictures of vacant houses. Meanwhile, they watched as the other man went into the store and came out within half a minute. The car didn’t have a front license plate, which provided the officers with a reason to pull them over. They searched the car—legally, a judge decided this October, almost a year later—and discovered a brick of heroin between the center console and passenger seat. One of the officers instructed Roy to get out of the car. After denying that he had any weapons on him, he consented to a pat down to check nonetheless. In Roy’s shirt pocket, the officer found a small amount of marijuana. In his wallet, he discovered cocaine. They arrested Roy.

They charged him with unlawful possession of marijuana, a pair of seventh-degree criminal possessions of a controlled substance, and possession and intent to sell of $500-worth of heroin, a felony that could get him at least one and up to 25 years of prison in November, if convicted. But the judge suppressed the police’s evidence — the pot, cocaine, and heroin — because while the car search was legal, the officer illegally frisked Roy for more weapons, which Roy did not consent to. So on December 9, 2011, the judge dismissed the charges. Roy says he was never concerned.

Two weeks before the suppression, Roy sits on his loveseat. He wears silver full-rimmed glasses and dresses in all black. His grey hair flows in a ponytail out of a fedora. It’s getting cold outside, and he says he’s going to Florida for the winter, once the case is settled. He starts a fire in his fireplace—the first one he’s ever owned—and says he’ll never feel completely comfortable. Too much has changed. He leans back, his gut peeking out from beneath his black wife-beater, and says, “I’m never going to be back to the home they took from me.”

Album Release Date: Nov. 8, 2011

TOP TRACK: “Spacism”

BOTTOM TRACK: “Half-Light”

2.5 Nancies

Pennsylvania trio Young Statues starts its debut album bright and sprightly with “Spacism.” With adorable, almost pleading lyrics like, “I won’t be another person’s shoulder/you need somebody, call a friend,” you immediately know the band’s schtick—precious, but not too precious; longing, but not desperate. The lyrics sound introspective at first, but after 11 identically-styled songs, they quickly become tiring. The record strives for an earnest sound, but instead comes off as a group of young men hoping to bank on the previous success of sensitive indie-rock. It’s a winning formula, but it has been done before, and better.

Photos by Alyssa Greenberg

Kyle Corea, Jamil Munoz, and Danila Usov dreamed up Romura Film and Video, their production company, in Spring 2011. They’ve shot local band Sophistafunk, “Sister Sparrow & The Dirty Birds”, and construction company commercials, along with ads to sell Corea’s Subaru Legacy on Craigslist. Usov, a senior at Syracuse University, and Munoz and Corea, both SU graduates, met as film majors in SU’s School of Visual and Performing Arts. “I’m more into narrative,” Munoz says. “Kyle’s into
documentary, and Danila is stranger.” But they share a vision: to earn enough through odd projects to one day finance their own feature film.

Illustration By Daniel Blaushild

By Kathryn Pope

PETA is on the prowl.

This past September, these pelt-painting psychopaths applied for the Internet domain peta.xxx.That’s right, that triple-x suffix means just what you think—PETA’s newest project will be porn.The site, scheduled
to launch this month, will be the latest installation in PETA’s long history of sexed- up anti-meat–and-fur campaigns. PETA says that it hopes to raise awareness about veganism through a mix of pornography and graphic footage of animals suffering.

Just imagine the possibilities—PETA spokeswoman and porn legend Jenna Jameson gettin’ filthy with a few choice vegetables and some vegan whipped cream—then, bam: rabbits hanging from rusty hooks squirming and shrieking in agony, blood gushing from severed limbs while blunt knives peel off their fur and skin. If the juxtaposition weren’t so bizarre and grotesque, it might be hilarious.

Despite the collective cringes and gasps from the public, PETA is sticking with this noxious combo.The gang of sickos that comprise its advertising department must feel that pornography spiced up with a little blood and fur is the next logical step towards spreading animal love.

Assuming PETA isn’t just trying to piss people off by ruining perfectly good porn, then it’s just another promotion revolving around one maxim: sex sells.

Sex might push clothes, music, and Budweiser, but PETA takes erotic advertising to exploitive levels. While the aforementioned products have something (or everything) to do with gettin’ it on, animal rights and sex are totally incongruous. PETA makes a parody of itself and undermines its own validity by brandishing sex like a freshman girl trying to get into Chucks.

On top of that, PETA’s attempts at seduction are cheap, pathetic, and more than
a bit creepy. “When people first visit the site, it will be
very enticing, and once they go just a little bit deeper, that’s when they’ll be confronted with images that we hope will make them stop and think,” said Lindsay Rajt, PETA’s associate director of campaigns, in a September statement to Reuters. How very cunning. Show people tits, and they’ll do anything you want.

Besides using the libido as a tool for deception, PETA’s irrelevant and counterproductive use of sex compromises its legitimate goals of promoting animal rights.

In 2009, NBC prohibited a PETA commercial from airing during the Super Bowl, citing “a level of sexuality exceeding our standards.” PETA’s offensive use of graphic sex was banned fromTV, meaning their animal rights message didn’t reach millions as intended. PETA’s sex obsession has not only veered from, but undermined,
its agenda.The commercial depicted half- naked women pleasuring themselves with a pumpkin, a bunch of asparagus, broccoli, and some collard greens with the caption: “Vegetarians have better sex.”
The absurdity continues. I highly doubt PETA actually calculated this “better sex.” The equation for such a subjective experience would be insurmountable: average number of orgasms experienced in a year by random samplings of vegetarians and omnivores, divided by the total number of sexual encounters per individual, taking into account the typical age and skill of sexual partners and discounting all instances of vegan and non-vegan sexual contact, maybe. Or maybe PETA is full of shit.

Middle school boys new to masturbation beware: your ambiguous searches may lead you to something far more disturbing than the mags you tried to snag from under your older brother’s bed.

TOP TRACK: “The Vision (Let me breathe)”

BOTTOM TRACK: “The magic causeway”

2 Nancies

Often accredited with helping shape the UK’s dubstep/grime scene, Joker was expected to push the genre forward in his first full-length album The Vision.  Unfortunately, it falls short of being any music genius’s masterpiece, playing out like a recycling bin of sounds, sampling even the likes of Euro-club pop, which we’d rather just forget.  With tracks like “Tron” and “The Vision (Let Me Breathe),” Joker begins well within his electronic, soul-shaking dubstep style. It gets ugly halfway through the album, however, as he switches into the painful world of faux-epic RPG music—one where no final boss ever appears. With an anticlimactic finale of stale R&B pop tracks, listeners are left wondering what exactly was Joker’s vision.

Illustration by Brittany Slawson

By Julia Fuino

Sensing the growing sixties obsession spurred by Mad Men‘s launch in 2007, ABC jumped at the chance to lure viewers with retro outfits and beehive hair. With Pan Am premiering earlier this fall, the show fuels misplaced sixties nostalgia by presenting a dressed-up dramatization of the decade and adding a rosy hue to a period of rampant sexism.

While it’s assumed that the cookie-cutter housewife was contained to the picket fences of the 50s, women’s domestic restrictions lasted well into the next decade. In 1960, only slightly over 30 percent of women held jobs. Shows like Mad Mendon’t shy away from acknowledging to the dark side of the 60s and portraying the injustices faced by women of the decade through plotlines. Pan Am, on the other hand, downplays the sexism—hiding behind a hot flight attendant’s uniform and fake smile. Pan Am depicts stewardesses as beautiful, free spirited women who thought they had the world at their feet. But whose feet were they under?

The women of Pan Am were said to be the “new breed of women;” go-getters who wanted to see the world, rather than settling into mundane marriages like their peers.The idea sounds nice, but it hardly achieved equality. What these women perceived as “freedom” came with crippling restrictions. Not only did stewardesses have to be single, under the age of 32, and attractive, they also had to style their hair a certain way, wear a girdle, and weigh in before every flight. They may have been “seeing the world,” but in the process of catering to their customers, they conformed to stereotypical chauvinistic standards of beauty. Sounds like housewives of the sky.

Among the martinis, Jackie O-esque  hats, and steamy in-flight scenes, Pan Am highlights a brand of inequality that we’ve spent decades trying to undo. Give me a show that focuses on the second wave feminist movements of the later sixties. At 33,000 feet, these women were hardly flying high on their own prerogatives. The first step towards respecting these sexist injustices of the sixties is restraining from media glorification. Get your head out of the clouds, ABC.

Illustration by Jaycee Checo

By Lindsay Dolak

My eighth grade earth science teacher was crazy. He had a table covered in sand, rocks, and other earth science essentials that he’d douse with water, light on fire, and blow with a high-powered fan. He did all of this just to explain how the elements have shaped our world. Insane as he may have been, I only know as much about erosion as I do now because he let me splash some water on a giant sand pile in the middle of the classroom.

Experiential learning captures students’ attention far better than any 55-minute PowerPoint-based lecture can. Kinesthetic learners are those who learn best by mobility and interaction. They must physically pour in the chemicals, watch their pretend stock portfolio gain profits, and reenact the Plessey v. Fergusson debate to better understand the concepts at hand. Sure, bullet points and slides are great for an organized notebook, but hands-on experience leads to better understanding. Research has shown that students studying from a textbook can only remember half of what they read just 10 minutes after finishing the material. But, most college classes still rely on the book learning methodology.

Besides the draw of better understanding, hands-on experiential learning can lead to community connection. Syracuse in particular could benefit from more out-of-the-classroom educational opportunities. Syracuse residents generally view the university as a campus full of financially stable, stuck-up students. An almost literal barrier is created between the campus and the main city area by the I-81 overpass at the end of the Harrison street hill. This perception, though not completely false in nature, has helped bolster the divide between students and the city residents.

Practical learning programs offered by the University, however, encourage students to bust out of classrooms and off the hill, breaking down barriers between residents and students. The Soling Program, based in the College of Arts and Sciences, has the right idea. The program seeks to stimulate creative and independent thinking while fostering connections with the city. One of the classes offered under the program in Spring 2010, was SOL 345 – Puppetry and Community. Students in this course worked directly with the internationally known Open Hand Theater to explore how the formation of community is affected by art. Students paired with a fifth grade class at an inner city school to design large puppets for a pageant performed at the end of the semester. The class tied in subjects of anthropology, urban planning, comparative religion, and ethnology while allowing students to hone their problem solving, presentation, and conflict resolution skills.

Or there’s WRT 301 – Civic Writing. This class takes students off campus to interview residents of Syracuse’s seemingly seedy West Side. By talking to people about a variety of community issues, students develop the situational knowledge and rhetorical abilities needed to one day fill public roles. At the same time, the interviewees have the opportunity to feel that their voices are being heard.

This type of practical learning not only helps students gain a solidified understanding of what could be otherwise boring course work, but it breaks down some of the negative stigma between SU and the city.

So as your schedule for next semester sits in Myslice filled with traditionally formatted pass-the-fuck-out lectures, consider clicking “search” one last time. Maybe you should drop that dry sociology class, and take up something a little more real.

Photo by Ambra TieszenBy Christina Sterbenz

By Christina Sterbenz

How would you describe your style?

(laughs) I was going to ask you to do that.

It seems very European to me.

That’s what people say fairly often.The way I dress is pretty reflective of the fact that I lived in Italy for 13 years when the dollar was strong. Come to think of it, most of my stuff was made in Italy, France, or Denmark.The dress I wore for my son’s wedding comes from a young designer in East Berlin.

Sounds unique.

Oh, it’s fabulous. It’s extremely simple. It’s grey like a cloud, a friendly cloud. What’s remarkable is that the idea of the dress is weightlessness. It seems so ephemeral, and yet it’s so strong structurally.

Have you ever worked in the fashion industry?

When I was in graduate school, I worked in a friend’s dress shop on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley called Yarmo. I worked with a great group of young women. One of them, Jacqueline West, went on to be a costume designer for the film industry. She’s been nominated twice for an Oscar, and another’s a designer for CP Shades. Then when I had to come back from Italy, where I was studying, or actually, living with my boyfriend while playing in the orchestra in Bari, I had no idea what I was going to do. I ended up getting hired at Saks Fifth Avenue as a floor model. It was really a sociological study—who was shopping there, how they reacted to me, what the others models were like.

You’ve done a lot of work concerning genocidal rape, particularly with refugees from Bosnia.

A student, who was of Bosnian and Croatian descent, originally brought what was happening to my attention. She brought me testimonies of survivors from these places. Something happened to me, and I knew I had to do everything I could to stop it. Back in the war in Bosnia in 1992, Serbian nationalist forces developed a policy of attacking civilians. They had established something like 40 places in northern Bosnia—we call them rape camps. The idea was to produce little Serb soldiers. It was a crazy policy. Nobody was writing about that here. I got a grant to translate Italian poetry in Venice where a friend of mine introduced me to the Director of the Italian Cultural Institute in Zagreb. He invited me to Zagreb, and that’s how that started. I spent a good decade working on that issue.

What was your experience like?

Let me say right off the bat that what I’m about to say is not trivial. Before I left for Zagreb, so that I could meet the survivors of these rape camps, one of the first questions I asked myself was: what shall I wear? That may sound outrageously, offensively superficial, but it isn’t. The reason is I had been to Zagreb before. I knew its formality and its beauty. In the end, the success of my work really depended on how I got along with the professional women who had come out of Sarajevo. It’s very important to show respect and understand where you are.

photo credit: www2.tbo.com

Sunday, November 27 While students were coming back from break, Syracuse University declared Bernie Fine would not be returning and fired him due to the sexual abuse scandal. Remember SU, stay true to your school. One man does not make represent the entire school.

The women who peppersprayed her way through 20 other shoppers on Black Friday surrendered to authorities. She also did not recieve the X-Box she wanted.

Monday, November 28 She might have tricked us at first but the cat is out of the bag. Miley Cyrus called herself a stoner at her birthday party referring to her Bob Marley cake. Guess this is another secret identity we did not know about.

Congress passed a law stating that pizza is a vegetable. Does that make it 0 points in Weight Watchers?

photo credit: news.cheapflights.com

Tuesday, November 29 American Airlines’s parent company filed for bankruptcy due to high fuel prices and expensive labor contracts that were created years in the past. Without American Airlines we might as well call the Syracuse Airport the Delta Airport.

Because Americans seem to always think bigger is better, Sony and Hitachi are working on 4 inch touch screens for the iPhone 5scheduled to arrive in 2012.

Wednesday, November 30 It is only appropriate to announce celebrity pregnancy news on Hump Day. Beyonce announced her baby will be here by Christmas. A little Sasha Fierce is the best gift this holiday season.

In other baby news, Kourtney Kardashian announced she was pregnant. Kourtney, your family had its time in the spotlight.

photo credit: http://2.bp.blogspot.com

Thursday, December 1 Due to the ban on toys in kid’s meals in San Francisco, Burger King has decided to charge for the extra treat in each meal. For those of us that still order kids meals, this sucks.

The Grammy nominees were announced. Take a look but we are not shocked that our girl Adele is listed a couple times.