Once winter hits, it’s easy to keep pressing snooze and become sloth-level-lazy with everything you do, including sex. Whether you’ve been a die-hard Game of Thrones fan from the very beginning or jumped on the bandwagon this past year, we all can agree that the show is very pro sex. With whore houses, kings and queens, and bastards galore, sex appears in almost every episode. Westeros is home to many attractive people and full of sex inspiration to keep you warm and lively in these snowy months. We at Jerk have brought you a list of the dirty details of who we’d do it with all the way from the Wall to King’s Landing.  

#1 Jon Snow  

Jon Snow may possibly be the hottest bastard in all of Westeros. With his jet-black hair and charming smile, he wouldn’t have to ask us twice for a hook up. It’s safe to say that we all wish we were as lucky as Ingrid in that cave on the other side of the wall. He’s dominating, sexy and without a doubt great in bed.   

#2 Khal Drogo  

Before we talk about anything – that body though. It’s definitely agreeable that Khal Drogo scared the shit out of us at first. Yet, after Khaleesi taught him love and respect, we all wanted to be the “moon of his life.”  

#3 Jaime Lannister  

The king-slayer is someone we despised from the very beginning. From pushing little Bran out a window to…I don’t know, fucking his sister, he’s got quite the reputation. Yet somehow these things have not deterred us from his character. As he develops, you can’t help to fall into his sinister spell. He probably could do crazy things with that metal hand, so if you can get past the incest thing, Jaime is definitely a stud we’d get down and dirty with.  

#4 Daenerys Targaryen 

The Khaleesi who has captured the heart of many, Dany is a dragon lady who always looks like a queen. She’s totally a woman who knows what she wants, but have fun moaning “Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.”  

#5 Oberyn Martell  

There are many things that make the Prince of Dorne so attractive. For one, his face and second, how promiscuous he is. His devotion with seeking revenge for his sister also makes him loyal, a super sexy quality. Martell is someone who would have your back no matter what, as long as he has your trust. TBH we would low key have a threesome with Oberyn and his lover.  

#6 Robb Stark  

The King of North can plant his seed in us any day of the week, but only if we get to avoid the red wedding. His determination of getting justice for his father and striving to lead all seven kingdoms alone is hot. And don’t even get us started on those curls.  

#7 Margaery Tyrell 

As clever as she is beautiful, Margaery certainly knows how to put her best face forward. Not to mention the Tyrell’s have major money, so if you’re looking for a sugar mama she’s definitely your girl. 

#8 Podrick Payne  

Podrick is the sweetest little squire with a huge… heart. He’s the type of guy that would make sure you’ve been pleasured before he finishes. With his kindness and undercarriage, it seems like a PACKAGE deal, no pun intended.   

#9 Tyrion Lannister  

Oh sweet Tyrion, so smart and so loving. Lord Tyrion is hubby material for sure and even though he’s short, it doesn’t necessarily mean that down below. So needless to say we’d give it shot.  

Kassidy Cooper is a junior television, radio, and film major who talks too fast and doesn’t really have a filter. When she’s not writing for Jerk you most likely can find her binge watching TV shows, fleeking her makeup, or waitressing at Coleman’s.

post a comment