The spring is a magical time full of sunshine, day drinks, and arguably the best snack in the world. It’s the time of year when Girl Scout cookies finally grace us college students with their presence. Below, you will find each unique cookie type in order of best to worst, along with what eating that cookie says about you. And yes, there is some judgment (looking at you, shortbreads).
Anyone who disputes that Samoas are the best cookie in the entire world can get out of my fucking face. Samoas’ reign is so clear-cut. They can’t be beat. They’re crunchy, gooey and caramelly with just the right amount of coconut. If these are your favorite, you’re smart AND sexy, in a sexy librarian type-of-way. Eat your cookies in slow-mo and wait for the biddies to roll in and ask for one or five cookies.
You know how people say something is “a close second” to the winner? Well Thin Mints are not a close second. They are a very far second. If this is your favorite Girl Scout cookie, you definitely owned two or more American Girl Dolls, and most of your personal belongings are monogrammed. You can easily eat a sleeve of them in one sitting. Extra betchy points if you freeze them before or dip them in your extra hot latté. Minty fresh!
Trefoils are just fine. They are not entirely offensive but definitely lack any sort of oomph. They pretty much just taste like vanilla dust…? Unsure. If this is your favorite, you’re basically the fun-sucker of your friends. You need to learn how to have stronger opinions and preferences.
Do-si-dos® & Tagalongs®
These peanut butter cookies aren’t terrible, but they’re nothing special. If you love peanut butter, you can have these as your faves, because you probably have the spirit of a crotchety old man with no taste, anyways. Just know you’re wrong, and Samoas are the only cookie that truly matter. These are just so rich that you can only eat one or two without barfing, and let’s be honest, Girl Scout cookies are meant to be eaten by the box.
Girl Scout S’mores™
Really, these cookies are only near the bottom of the list because they’re still so new. They came out in the last few years, and they just don’t get our nostalgic juices churning. Also, if you prefer these to regular s’mores, what are you doing? Who hurt you?
Toffee-tastic™ & Savannah Smiles®
Alright, these are garbage cookies and all of their fans belong in the dumpster. There is absolutely no argument here. If these are your favorites, change yourself.