In Defense of Holiday Grinches

Anyone else allergic to department stores and glitter?

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If you’re not the kind of person who loves the holidays, you may feel like an asshole. Everyone thinks you’re the Grinch, romping around crushing everyone else’s joy. Despite all the haters who will tell you you’re a Scrooge, your hatred of the holidays is totally valid. If you look at holiday lights, Santa costumes, and sparkling wreaths and want to throw up all over people’s Christmas cheer, you’re not alone. In fact, according to YouGov, an organization based out of Britain, “one in five people hate Christmas and 16% would cancel it all together.”

So, you despise the holidays. What’s the big deal? You have plenty of reasons to.

Let’s start with the music. After 3,458 plays, even Mariah Carey’s voice gets old. After hearing “All I Want for Christmas is You” blasting through PA systems in every store for a month straight, it’s enough to make you want pull your hair out. Even your warmest earmuffs can’t keep all the overplayed hits out; those Target speakers are too damn loud.

Now don’t even start with the stores. With the beginning of Black Friday, it’s game over. Not only does Christmas start too damn early, but as soon as Thanksgiving is over, the holiday cheer goes into overdrive. Everything is about Christmas all the time. If you’re a holiday hater, you’ll find solace in shopping online for gifts, not daring to step foot into a store that suddenly became overpopulated overnight. You can’t stand the cheesy decorations – the animated reindeer, the sparkling red and green lights, the people dressed as Christmas characters – it’s all so nauseating.

Since when did the holidays become a commercial competition? It’s all about getting the best deal on the best gifts. The holiday season that was once about family, friends, and being thankful, has suddenly become a greedy example of consumerist culture. Black Friday sales creep up earlier and earlier every year, eventually starting on Thanksgiving: a day we’re supposed to be thankful for what we already have. Oh, the irony.

Gift-giving even starts to get stressful. The way the present is wrapped is – apparently – important. If your gift is wrapped shittier than everyone else’s, then forget about it. You’ve already lost the gift-giving game before they even unwrap your poorly taped present dawned with a misshapen bow and too much glitter (oh god, the glitter). Those loose sparkles are dazzling from afar, but after being up close and personal with the sparkly paper you bought at CVS, it’s anything but cute. You’ll wake up mid-way through January still finding hints of glitter in your hair, on your clothes, and in your sheets. Talk about annoying.

To wrap a present, you have to find the perfect one first. This seemingly impossible task is probably the most stressful part of the holidays. Will they like the gift? Will they even use it? You’ll doubt the perfection of your gift up until they open it. Even then, they’ll tell you they love your present to be polite, but you’ll never be convinced. You’ll inevitably feel your gift just wasn’t enough, no matter how much your friend tells you it’s perfect.

The Christmas enthusiasts might glare at you because you don’t like their favorite holiday, but let’s face it: you really are a Grinch. And it is totally okay. Own it. You translate all the Christmas joy into massive stress and you’d prefer to just skip this time of year all together. Who cares that you seem to be the only one lacking in holiday cheer? Be your sour, Grinch-y self. Fuck the holidays.

Brooke Kato
About Brooke Kato (11 Articles)
Brooke Kato is a freshman newspaper and online journalism major who survives off of black coffee and Ben&Jerry’s half-baked ice cream. If she isn’t binge watching her latest obsession on Netflix, you can find her petting random dogs she found on campus and reading the latest edition of the New Yorker.

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