jersey shore cast

WE’RE GOING (BACK) TO JERSEY SHORE, BITCH! Let’s be real, J-Shore was our jam back in junior high. Even if most of us were a little too young to be watching, Jerzday was a weekly tradition. We watched with our friends and quoted the shit out of M.V.P. and couldn’t wait until we were old enough to party like the meatballs and their roomies. The fact that our favorite partiers are getting a reboot now that we’re all in college is TOO perfect. With the new season dropping April 5th, we at Jerk are here to help you plan the ultimate J-Shore premiere party. YEAH BUDDY!! 

Step 1: GTL 

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If you’re going to throw a party, there is no doubt you have to look fresh to death. First stop: gym. Hitting the gym will boostyour endorphins  through the roof and leave you feeling tight — and saves you some guilt about the amount of alcohol you’re going to ingest later. Second stop: tanning. Feeling down? Throw on some JWOWW One and Done tanning lotion and get you some vitamin D. Last and final stop: laundry. If you’re throwing a rager, your outfit better be on point. So throw on that leopard mini dress that looks perfect with Snooki’s iconic hair bump or your favorite Ed Hardy shirt because it’s T-SHIRT TIME!  

Step 2: Invite List 

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Throwing a good party means only inviting the people you really fuck with. There is no time for grenades or Angelinas.  Who has time for drama anyways? Another thing to avoid is randos wandering in No one wants people they don’t even know mooching off their party. So keep the guest list hella low key. Gorilla juice heads and guidettes ONLY.  

Step 3: Alc 

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Whether your party is BYOB or not, there is one thing that you MUST provide at your party. That one thing is Ron Ron Juice. Let’s be real, we’ve always wanted to try it, and this is the perfect time. So make a batch or two or three and get turnt until you start dancing like Ronnie. You’ll have your friends screaming, “RAHN STAHP.”  

Step 4: Party Game 

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Every time Snooki screams or says “MAWMA” take a shot. Every time Pauly and Vinny bromance it up take a shot. Take a shot whenever any of the roomies are seen drinking. Honestly, just take a chug or shot whenever you want, it’s Jerzday bitches.  

Step 5: Cabs are HERE 

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A night of drinking and watching J-Shore is def gonna leave you feeling some type of way. Being the boss ass host that you are, don’t leave your guests hanging. Extend the party to the bars or call your friends an Uber if they’ve had too much to drink. Thursday is like a pregame for Friday, so booze it up, but if there’s anything the J-Shore roomies taught us, it’s not to drink and drive. So, call a cab and let the inner Pauly in you announce it.  

Kassidy Cooper
kassidycooperjerk@gmail.com
Kassidy Cooper is a junior television, radio, and film major who talks too fast and doesn’t really have a filter. When she’s not writing for Jerk you most likely can find her binge watching TV shows, fleeking her makeup, or waitressing at Coleman’s.

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