For those of us whose plans fell through to hitchhike across the country, smuggle into a friend’s suitcase, or suddenly befriend a celebrity to finance a trip to Coachella, we’ll just have to settle, once again, for Mayfest. Mayfest is more than just shotgunning beers at Castle or on Euclid and wearing an outfit that matches your Instagram caption, though. There are too many students who wake up at 11 p.m. to find they slept through Block Party after their post-darty nap. We at Jerk are here to change that.
While most would say it’s all about rallying, it’s also about planning ahead. Those who ignore the hundreds of alarms set that mid-afternoon to the “Bark,” “Duck,” or “Alarm” ringtone, the buddy system has failed them by having a thirsty hoe as their buddy. Or their plan of blacking out had them incapable of remembering if they even went to the concert or not. Extreme measures need to be taken. Here are some tips on how to have a great Mayfest and still make it to Block Party.
If you haven’t found out by now that your body hates alcohol, then you have superhuman capabilities that allow you to avoid hangovers. Or you’re still a freshman who hasn’t yet seen Mayfest. Since the only thing less appealing than being hungover is being hungover at a concert, try to avoid that hangover altogether by never sobering up staying hydrated.
In addition to using your Gatorade as a chaser at the pregame, bring a few of them with you to drink through out the day. Something with the electrolytes, blah, blah, science. Sure, you might have to break the seal a little earlier on, but you’ll be glad you did so when you’re the one sending shaky Snapchats from the Dome instead of watching them from the toilet. This is Syracuse’s season of sun, and you will probably vastly underestimate the effect it has on you.
Sure, putting popcorn on a hot dog, using a hamburger as the bun, and wrapping it all in cotton candy sounded like a good idea at the time, and tastes great going down. But I guarantee that your feelings won’t be the same when it’s on its way back up. Like a douchebag at the gym during #bulkszn, you need your protein fix. Greek yogurt, nuts, meats (but real meats—if it takes under five minutes to mass-produce and be handed out to drunk kids, it’s probably 90% grease), the list goes on. I’m not a nutrition major, but consider these sources more reliable than whatever your drunk friends are telling you on Friday.
Comfortable and Appropriate Attire
Don’t be that asshole who wears Air Jordans, heels, wedges, or any type of shoes that require exceptional love and care.
Creating a boundary around your Yeezy’s at a darty is useless. You’re going to get stepped on. Although dressing trendy, slutty, or whatever identity you’re trying to assume for the day may seem appealing, be realistic. If you spend the day checking for a nip slip, fixing your flower crown, and charging people for your dry-cleaning bill every time you get spilled on, you will bring with you bad vibes. Karma’s a bitch, and bad vibes don’t leave. You could end up too miserable to go to Block Party. Plus, if they’re unsturdy shoes, it’s not unheard of for a few newbs here and there to break a limb.
Wear something you’re able to drunkenly trip over yourself in without flashing everybody. Your outfit should allow you to run into another parking lot when DPS tries to keep everything shut down, and sway back and forth in at Block Party pretending to know the lyrics. Versatility is key.
Friends don’t let friends sleep through concerts. Most importantly, you should make sure you’re with people who not only know how to have a good time, but who don’t let anything stand in the way of it. FOMO can make you do some crazy shit including rally through your hangover. Think about it; wouldn’t it suck having to listen to your friends talk about Block Party being the best night of their lives until next year’s Block Party?
Just in case, though, make sure you have some back-up company. If any of these plans fall through for your group of friends, you don’t want to be guilt-tripped into sleeping it off. Remember that promise you made to yourself about Block Party!!
Plan accordingly, memorize at least one of every artist’s songs, and get ready for a great day. But whatever you do, DON’T GO HOME, because drunk + tired = bad news, Travis Scott.