Sexting Etiquette: The Proper Way to Be Dirty

Who doesn’t want to do sexy things with their thumbs?

Photo by Chaz Delgado

Photo by Chaz Delgado

One of the perks of living in the digital age is being in constant contact with anyone and everyone at any moment of the day. This especially comes in handy when you and your long distance significant other/recent tinder match/mail order bride want to have a sexy-time conversation without actually meeting face-to-face. The most important thing to grasp about the life of a millennial is that talking is optional but texting is a necessity. And from texting and an over-active sex drive, we monsters have created sexting (it even sounds hot).

There’s a couple of different kinds of sexting depending on what you are (or aren’t) looking for. There’s the anticipatory sexting which is just little hints of what’s probably going to happen in the next day, hour or minute. These are normally sweet, quick messages letting them know that you’re d to bang. A great example would be “Wow, I could really use a massage after today ;)” or “Wow, I could really use your dick after today ;)” or just “;)” It’s all about how direct you’re willing to be. Bottom line: it’s usually not that creative and can also double as a booty call text. Perk: easy to type when drunk!

Then there’s descriptive sexting which is a little more involved, and the most versatile sexting form. Unlike anticipatory sexting you probably aren’t going to be able to have sex with this person soon. The main goal is to make them remember why they like banging you/why they should want to bang you right now/why you remain a magical sex fiend even while far away. You are literally authoring Fifty Shades of Grey via text message. I am talking a transformation from Cindy Lou Who to nymphomaniac in a matter of seconds.

The tricky part in this form is to get your partner on the same page. There is nothing more cripplingly awkward then sending a sext and getting a confused and/or uncomfortable response. That’s the kind of thing that will make you question your choices on even the simplest of tasks for months to come, and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. The best way to ensure a smooth sexting transition is to start with a hint of sexual. You are not yet full nympho but lost just a sliver of innocence. A great example would be, “Hey I’ve been thinking about you…” or “You know what I wish I was doing right now?” Anything that sounds slightly murdery and suspicious or ends in “…” will do the trick. The main thing is to never give everything away in the first few texts, it’s like you have a secret and the harder they have to work at it the hotter sexting will be.

Once you get into the actual meat of the sexts (gross, yet appropriate) don’t be afraid to let your freak flag fly. As long as you have that mutual sexting environment confirmed, go for it! Use descriptive language, take out a thesaurus, take out some candles and tell your partner what you’re planning on doing to them/with them/for them. One of the best parts about sexting is that there are literally no boundaries. You may not be able to touch your toes in real life but via sexting you’re suddenly Cirque du Soleil-ing the shit out of them. Get wild, get crazy, no protection required! The most important thing to remember is to just have fun with it and be the sexiest version of yourself. Pro tip: A glass of wine and hot outfit can always help you feel the part.

The last version of sexting is sending nudes. I will not be doing a tutorial on how to take them but I’m sure mine will be leaked soon. Happy hunting.

Marla Nixon
About Marla Nixon (6 Articles)
Marla Nixon is a senior Television, Radio, Film major who definitely doesn't have a date this Friday. She only takes advice from her daily horoscopes and is still part of the thriving Twilight fan base.

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