Syracuse is currently in the meat of football season, which means tailgates finally take place on a weekly basis (thank god). However, what we often forget about are the *lovely* things that come with these tailgates. For instance, cases and cases of empty natty lites, thousands of calories of post- tailgate chipotle, and (of course), a plethora of despicable and degenerate behavior displayed by the Syracuse student body! Ring a bell? In case you’re having trouble remembering, here are some more things to look forward to during tailgate season:

1.      7-am wakeup call!

Ah yes, happy Saturday! You have a pregame at 10 am that is 1000% mandatory for this weekend’s bender. If you do not go out, you fear condemnation from your peers and being branded a pussy permanently. But don’t worry, it’ll be fun and you will **probably** survive. If only you had the discipline to rise for your 8am (which you have missed approximately nine times) the way you could for tailgates. Maybe you wouldn’t be hairs away from a 2.5 GPA which you are only maintaining so you can party it up abroad second semester junior year! But eh, sounds like a tomorrow problem if you ask us.

2.      Contracting Hypothermia

Let’s face it, Syracuse isn’t Syracuse without an orange mascot running around campus OR arctic weather conditions. But amazingly, that doesn’t stop Syracuse students’ tailgating agenda or outfit plans. Rain or hail, a Nor’easter or pesky power outage will not stop us. Ever. And despite the cold, girls will continue to wear the festive cheerleading skirts they spent waaaay too much money on. And what about tube tops you ask? HA, next question. You’ll probably be so inebriated that the gust of frosty wind hitting you in the face will feel like a light summer breeze. What will change though, is the shoe wear. Dainty sandals and sneakers which litter tailgates in August are now metro-chic timbs in October. These bad boys grace the foot of just about every white girl occupying the tailgate space. That’s right, ladies. This is the ONLY time you and your dad can match and it’ll be socially acceptable- take advantage! And never forget Cuse’s unofficial-official mantra: “A hoe never gets coldddd.”  

3.      Binge drinking

Honestly, get ready for an entire eight hours of drinking, because with tailgate season, the pregame never really ends. You will drink a minimum of five types of hard liquor before moving on to shitty beer, $8 Andre champagne, and some kind of mystery jungle juice (we know it’s just watered down four loko, y’all ain’t slick). Girls will fill their Venti Starbucks green tea cups with Svedka and boys will ~inconspicuously~ carry backpacks of natty lites through the tailgate. The way life should be.

Additionally, little bottles of liquor will occupy every open crevice of the body just in case you, or anyone else you know, is looking for a quick boost! After pounding back 22 beers and the mini bottle of fireball you hid in your ass crack, you and the previously mentioned bois will reach a level of intoxication that will urge them to not only CONTINUE to drink, but to SHOWER their fellow tailgaters with beer as well. Studies show this method of beer consumption can be a very effective way to further intoxicate oneself. Try it.

4.      Public nudity

Remember the guy that sat in the middle aisle of your PSY 205 class from freshman year? The one with the charming smile and ruffled hair? Yes, him. You just saw his junk as he pulled down his pants to take a nice piss break on the side of the sacred Temple Society of Concord at the 507 tailgate! Classy stuff. Actually you take a step back to see there is a whole line of semi-nude men emptying their tanks together, in harmony. Some may find this to be a Class B public indecency misdemeanor. However, Syracuse students know this is a perfect testament to the genuine camaraderie amongst fellow Oranges.

5.      Chipotle Line

You survived the day. It is 4pm, you’re at a BAC of .25, and your stomach is filled with the nuclear waste that is alcohol. In order to counter this severe hangover, you stand in line at chipotle for 45 minutes just to get your hands on a nice burrito bowl stacked with lettuce, sour cream and loads of cheese. You make your wobbly walk back to your room and pass out on the bed before you have the chance to take a nice bite of your 3000 calorie + meal. Sweet dreams Cuseland. See you next weekend!

Nika Nejad
nikanejadjerk@gmail.com

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