There are Two Types of Girls at ‘Cuse

Latest scientific research proves there is, in fact, only two types of girls.

two types of girls

In general, the world is filled with extraordinary, diverse cultures and groups of incredible, unique people – but, in reality, we know for a fact that there are only two types of girls in this world. Those who do, and those who don’t. Without further ado, here are our findings based on Steve Irwin-approved observations of the various breeds of collegiate girls in the habitats you know best.   

Halloweekend Wonders 

Seeing as one of our favorite holidays has just come to a close, lets reminisce on the fascinating species of girls we witnessed, or were.  

Type 1: Does Anyone Have Ears I Can Borrow?

To quote the inspirational Cady Heron, “Halloween is the one night of the year where a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” This night is one night out of the year where lingerie and animal ears is a mainstream getup and this girl is peaking. She probably had the genius idea to pair Ella from down the hall’s black lace bodysuit with Stacy’s fishnet stockings and called it a night – because that’s totally a cat? You go, Glen Coco.  

Type 2: Halloween Junkie   

This chick lives and breathes Halloween and gives zero fucks what you think about it. She will be the first you spot in the bar due to either the hilarious enormity of the costume, or the complete and utter obscurity. While it may have a small element of sex appeal, humor and pure “awe” are the reactions she’s going for. Refer to sexy Steve Harvey or Violet Beauregarde, the girl from “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” that turns into a legit blueberry, to fully appreciate the qualifications of this type of  girl.   

Bar Crawlers 

For the zesty underage bar crawlers that sport a Connecticut fake and elbow their way into DJs or Harry’s for overpriced cover fees and drinks, here are two types of ladies you will likely stumble upon in the wild (night out):  

Type 1: The frequent flyer 

This is her element. She struts in, sashaying to the bar where an overeager guy is waiting to buy her the regular. She takes him up on this offer, but never pursues the buyer and proceeds to make her way to the dance floor with her squad. Drink in the air, she glides her hips to the beat of the music laughing as if every person was trying to capture a candid. They probably are, honestly. Every guy wants her, every girl wants to be her; you get the point.  

Type 2: “Go Hard or Go Home” gal 

This chick pregamed a little too hard in Brad’s room and proceeds to stumble to the bar, where an overeager guy waits to buy her the cheapest shit on the menu. She accepts his all-too-smooth invitation to dance, pulls him by the hand and leads him to the back corner. The two sloppily suck faces until the grinding motion sends her stomach whirling and she scurries to the bathroom to vomit. Just kidding, she probably didn’t make it to the bathroom. Check @barstoolcuse to find out more.  

Drunk Eats 

Perhaps the best eats of the week come when you’re brutally intoxicated and ready to snuggle up next to some pizza.  

Type 1: Marshall Street binger 

Need I say more? This lady lets her troubles melt away with the gooey, chocolate-filled wonders that are Insomnia cookies. This is where she tests her absolute limits as a consumer. Whether it’s at Acrop or Calio’s, this chick is certainly experiencing a hunger and endurance like never before. She copes in the only way she knows how: packing it down like she’s preparing for hibernation.  

Type 2: “I’ll just get a salad.”  

Bye.  

Gillian Farrugia
About Gillian Farrugia (9 Articles)
Gillian Farrugia is a freshman print and online journalism major in Newhouse from small town Connecticut. Her go-to pump up song is “Send Me on My Way” by Rusted Root and can almost always be found with a stash of licorice. Her choice hobbies include stopping to pet dogs and watching Buzzfeed Tasty videos with no intent of ever actually making the dish.

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