Photo Credit: peperonity.com

By Lindsay Dolak

Ever been asked, “so what’s your major?” I’m sure you have, but did you ever stop to think about what information about yourself you might be giving away with your simple one or two word answer? One’s major says quite a lot. People immediately begin to judge what kind of person you are, where your interests lay, what you hope to end up doing with your life, and what you’re like in bed…

Business

What do business majors want to do? Control the nation’s top companies. What do business majors want to do in bed? Control you. These one-percent hopefuls of America are all about being in charge. They’re looking for financial success and, in this case, orgasmic success. Quite frankly, yours is not important. Expect a lot of them-on-top positions, commands, hair pulling, hands-around-your-neck-type lovemaking. These boys and girls are born competitive, driven and know how to get what they want. Don’t worry, though, they’re used to dealing with the ups and downs of a rough market and can slow it down if need be. But they’re still the CEOs of the bedroom, so don’t expect to be calling many shots.

Political Science

In other words, the Great Debater. These future lawyers and politicians are going to fight until they winq. They do what politicians do best: claim to be fighting for everyone, while really just promoting their own success. Just think: willing to be on top so it appears they’re doing the work for you, while stimulating themselves. Sound selfish? More like smart. However, no stranger to the idea of justice, they’re willing to give and take, receive as well as provide, if you know what I’m saying. If you can convince them that a good outcome for you will promise a good outcome for them, you’re all set. It just might take a little physical argument.

Mass Communications

The future writers, talk-show hosts, and post-game analysts. The controllers of all things media and communications. Did you miss something? They’re communicators, the heads of sexual public relations, and they know how to use their words to get to that special “press release.” Dirty talk is a must. Make sure you’re tuned to the right broadcast because they’ll tell you what they want. Being the attention-seekers they are, they’re often times not shy and quite willing to put on a show for those willing to be their audience and give them praise. Heads up though, these students are nit-picky, editing geniuses and won’t be happy with a rough draft. Make sure you’re on top of your game as they expect a head-of-the-class performance.

Art

The creative types. Those who can take bland and make it beautiful. In the sexual world, creative equals kinky and these wannabe Van Goghs and Gilles Bensimmons can take even the quietest of hipsters and turn them into sexual deviants. They’ll do it all and expect their partners to be open to interpretation. Their worst enemies are the critics, so don’t hate on what they create. I’d be surprised if you had reason to do so. They’re artists and not afraid for things to get colorful. Your body is their blank canvas and they take immense pride in their work, even when it’s mediocre. They’ll put their signature on it, whether it’s with a bite mark or a back scratch.

Pre-Med

Someone interested in all things body? Yes, please. They may spend their days in long lab coats and weird goggles, but there’s no denying these future McDreamys and Dr. Houses know their way around the human anatomy. They promise to be good with their fingers and pressure points? They know them all. Maybe they do know a little too much about the inner workings of your body, but who says that’s all bad? If you can find one of these students willing to take a little time out of their study schedule to raise your heart rate, I’d reconsider that apple a day and play, play, play.

The Editors
jerkmagdigital@gmail.com

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