Turning Prejudice to Pride

Graphic by Anika Dua

Internalized homophobia is the way you spit out the label “bisexual” when you really mean “lesbian” but still wanna give your mom some hope.

Internalized homophobia is wishing you were more like Troy Bolton when you're really Ryan Evans.

Internalized homophobia is the heart-wrenching feeling when you realize you can’t fully love someone when you don’t fully love your own heart.

Ok, ow.

The truth is– many queer folk don’t know they experience internalized homophobia until they're slapped in the face with the term.

Internalized homophobia really is when we take the bias and prejudice against gay people that is fed to us from society and its anti-gay agenda, and turn it back on ourselves. Whether we realize it or not, this is a real issue affecting a majority of queer folks.

Growing up, we’re socialized through the media and other institutions that being straight is the default and same-sex attraction is weird or even *gasp* sinful. We can literally see those Christians clutching their teal cross necklaces in the distance.

This can signal to queer folks that the world isn’t safe for our true feelings which should be kept a secret. This can lead to shame and self-loathing. Could you imagine a world without gay people? That’s like a world without ice cream or happiness. Honestly tragic.

On a campus that puts muscley, blue backpack-wearing athletes on a pedestal and selective frat bros dripped out in Bass Pro Shop hats and athletic gear run the party scene, it’s easy for gay people here on campus to get insecure and wrapped up in that heteronormative culture.

It's common for gay people who are uncomfortable with their own identity to attempt to pass as straight for approval. They can suppress themselves through self-monitoring behaviors and mannerisms, trying not to act “too feminine.” Just dudes being dudes.

Internalized homophobia can cause relationship difficulties. It can breed a fear of intimacy or a pattern of being attracted to unavailable people. I mean, go on Grindr and see how many people are only looking for “masc” or “DL” guys (DL = downlow).

Insecure gay men can have contempt for those who are more openly gay. They assert that they “aren't one of those gays.” Yes, Chad, because wearing a backwards snapback and listening to Playboi Carti just erases all of the gayness out of you. Sure.

It affects everyone. It can prevent straight men from pursuing interests or hobbies that are “meant for girls.” Whoever said men can’t wear pink is seriously disturbed.

Lesbian women can prevent themselves from displaying normal affection for fear of being perceived as predatory lesbians by straight friends. You’re not all that, Bethany.

So what now? Obviously, none of us can just dismantle the deep roots of homophobia, but we can make a difference in ourselves through self-awareness and compassion. By noticing the biases we have, we can ask ourselves, “what's so wrong with someone having a little extra sugar in their tank?”

It's an active process that takes time and practice. Society sucks and that’s not our fault. We have to recognize it and change it for the gayer! I mean, better. Same difference.

So free yourself! And let that flamboyant flag fly high ;)

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/queering-psychology/202002/what-is-inte rnalized-homophobia

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/internalized-homophobia/ https://www.rainbow-project.org/internalised-homophobia/