A Girl's Guide to Football

Graphics by Anika Dua

Fall is in full swing, which means the NFL is too. And in case you haven’t heard enough talk about football from the socially unaware men in your life, we’re here to give you the Jerk breakdown of the NFL this season. 

If you don’t know much about football, but are feeling left out on Sundays, here’s our recommendations for what teams to start cheering for at your watch parties. 

If you want a popular team that has a history of success, and a chance at another Super Bowl this year, you should be watching the Kansas City Chiefs. They’ve got the players that can make magic happen on the field. (Plus Taylor Swift and the refs are on their side too!) 

If you’re a sucker for an underdog, root for the Dallas Cowboys. This team is widely considered “America’s Team,” but they’ve been in a Super Bowl drought for almost 30 years. They’re a talented team and have dedicated fans, could this be their year? 

If you want a feel-good family team, you’re destined to be a Philadelphia Eagles fan. They have the best record so far this season, and the positivity and love the team shows each other and the fans is enough to make a grown man cry. 

But of course the main reason you should start watching football this Sunday is the eye candy. We at Jerk do not care much about MVPs, we care about MEBs (most eligible bachelors). We’re sure most of you have seen pictures of the mainstream football babes like Travis Kelce and Joe Burrow, but allow us to broaden your horizons. 

Jimmy Garoppolo is the quarterback of the Raiders, and while the Raiders are not necessarily Superbowl contenders, Jimmy G would still be first on our roster. 

Chase Claypool is a wide receiver for the Chicago Bears, and something about him just makes you want to take him home to your parents. The Bears have had a rough season (starting 2-7), but you will forget about the losing score when you see Claypool’s handsome smile. 

Jordan Mailata is an offensive tackle for the Philadelphia Eagles, and if you want a MEB that actually has a shot at the Superbowl, this guys for you. Not only is Jordan Mailata a good looking guy, but he’s Australian, and has the voice of an angel. Check out the Eagles’s Christmas album and tell us we’re wrong. 

Of course, the main takeaway is that football is about fun! Go smack talk your rival fans, and make fancy snack trays to enjoy the Sunday game. We’ve officially claimed that the NFL is actually for the girls.